"shull" poems
Social Anxiety
[so-shull ang-zahy-i-tee]
noun
1. A condition that unexpectedly turns the most colorful canvases gray.
Jul 25, 2018
Jul 25, 2018 at 9:26 AM UTC
I've seen you before
On the same streets I no longer take
I've never seen you since then
Always I wondered if I would ever see you again
One with the rain
Drenched in apathy
Entangled in pain
I confess to you bashfully
Lost within myself
Seems like forever
I think I may need your help
Yearning to be together
If you ever find these words
Please know that they were written true
They were only meant for you
Cody Shull, 2017
Jan 22, 2017
Jan 22, 2017 at 10:38 PM UTC
I can't let you see me
Avert your eyes
You'd despise
You'd go blind
I can't let you hear me
Don't listen
Ignore what I say
Forget I exist
Not worthy of your love
Not worthy to be in your presence
Worthless to the core
Worthless from the start
I can't let you touch me
Refrain to feel
I'd taint your skin
It would be a sin
I can't let you love me
You'd be repulsed
You'd be unamused
Cursed with a loveless heart
Not worthy of your love
Not worthy to be in your presence
Graced with an insignificance
Adorned with a crown of failure
Worthless to the core
Worthless from the beginning
Worthless in the heart
Worthless till the end
Cody Shull, 2016
Oct 20, 2016
Oct 20, 2016 at 2:05 PM UTC
An old soul in disguise - she said to me elegantly
Gentle and kind - she was to me
Her soft eyes - lost and mesmerized
As she holds out her hand - loneliness dies
Within her - I found comfort
Within her - I found peace
You seem miles away - she said to me with sadness
That I was lost amongst a world so cold
Frozen emotionless, lacking pride
She said, "Within me, you can confide"
Within her - I found tranquility
Within her - I found serenity
Within her I buried myself
I drowned in her affection
Tears of joy at last
Which floods the loveless void out of me
Cody Shull, 2016
Jun 14, 2016
Jun 14, 2016 at 1:29 PM UTC
I breathe and I breathe
Hoping for something new
I dream and I dream
Wishing for something true
I sit and I wait
As the pages of life are flipped
Reaching closer to the end by the claws of death
I must make up my mind
Before it's too late
My destiny lies in my own hands
I hold the key
To the solution
To the answer
To the conclusion
To end this painful exclusion
Cody Shull, 2016
Jun 6, 2016
Jun 6, 2016 at 12:22 AM UTC
Blockaded from my conquests of the flesh
Dead-ended to my passionless endeavors
I wish not to delve into depth
But, to get my feet wet
Initiate me to be
Frustrated by time and time again
I never had a lover, nor a friend
Lacking a moral compass
I try to maintain common sense, nonetheless
The clock taunts
Negative thoughts haunt
Between drivel I am caught
These feelings too grave to be fought
Trumpets of doom begin to blow
A cringeworthy serenade
Life moving along so slow
I depart from this masquerade
Inflexible to my desires
Taking cover
Inflexible to my dreams
Evacuate
Inflexible to life
For life I abominate
Cody Shull, 2016
Oct 14, 2016
Oct 14, 2016 at 10:55 AM UTC
In for a wild ride. A mere goddess. Hair of fire and eyes that just pierce right through. Nights of bliss are at hand. Her sensuous aroma beckoning me to come closer. Seducing me with her ever so enticing eyes. Mesmerized beyond belief. Awestruck by her every word she had spoken. Her voice sending seductive chills down my spine. I was begging for more. I couldn't let this night of perfection to end. I wanted us to be more than friends. Just forget who we were. And let go of ourselves within each other. Unwind and delve deep down into our souls. Indulge in the potential good times. And don't worry about what happens after it all. Just let it happen. Let this energy play out through. It has long been built up. And it has long been overdue. To be released at last. No holding back. No inhibitions. Shyness devoured. Blossoming like a flower. A rebirth of confidence. Reborn to be burst free from the clutches of morality. Gone are the days of lonely. My black cloud has gone astray. Now I'm in cloud nine. Senses heightened. Glad to be alive. Despair has fled off and away into obscurity. Never to be seen again. Unless, I choose it to be...
Cody Shull, 2017
Jan 18, 2017
Jan 18, 2017 at 2:27 PM UTC
She seduced me
With every part of her
She tempted me
To delve deep into her essence
Indulge in the sweetness
The sweetness I desired
The sweetness I was lacking
Savor the flavor of temptation
High on this natural ecstasy
I kissed her from her feet
to her pretty face
Her lips I want to taste
Losing myself in her
Was the easiest thing that I could do
It was second nature
Refuge from the dark
Into the light of her bliss
Shining bright as the brightest
star in the darkest night
of her soul
Fire licking our hearts
Passion running wild within us
Shining as bright as Hell
Sparkling beyond belief
Cody Shull, 2016
Aug 2, 2016
Aug 2, 2016 at 5:38 PM UTC
I'm an emotional coward
Gathering up the fear
Of trying to pursue you
Dying to pounce
But, backwards I bounce
Speechless whenever you are near
Without words I lose myself within your eyes
Maybe how I look at you...
Will answer your confusion..
I'm caught in frustration
Trapped in imagination
Drowning in fantasies
Shying away from reality
With me there's always something to fear
I live in doubt
Shutting the outside world out
Silence is all I ever want to hear
Screaming inside
Uncertainty consumed
This desire will never subside
Despair entombed
Cody Shull, 2016
Jun 23, 2016
Jun 23, 2016 at 1:38 PM UTC
Free yourself from hesitation
Relax and let go of complication
There's no need for negativity
There's no reason to be upset
I offer you peace
Forget yourself in me
And drown in the calm
Wrapping you within my arms
I mean no harm
With me you will find sanctuary
I know you're fed up and wary
I can understand where you're coming from
Don't shy away from the mirror
I'll swallow your fear
And dry your tears
I'll always be here
Believe me
Keep the faith for a better day
Stay with me and hold my hand
We'll reach a better day together
Cody Shull, 2017
Jan 27, 2017
Jan 27, 2017 at 11:16 AM UTC
Compel Me
You've tried my carnal patience
With a fleeting glance of euphoria
You've torn my little world apart
Frozen in time, I yearn for this moment
Yet, independent and fancy-free I carry on
There's an ounce of hope inside myself
Just maybe you'll compel me
Bottling up my feelings
Keeping what I had seen a secret
I've grown restless and anxious
Wondering if I'll ever get a second look
I do not dare look into your eyes
If we meet eyes, I've already confessed
But, I'm still curious what you've had in mind
Do not ask why this has consumed me
I am the last one to tell
You've paved my path of indecency a darker shade
Confusing my already tainted road to nowhere
More deep-rooted grime onto my slate
Never to be cleansed until we both give in to the fire
A tempting enough blaze to entice the most stubbornest of moths
Cody Shull, 2017
May 13, 2017
May 13, 2017 at 10:21 AM UTC
Flirtatious in the way till you cannot speak
This time the forbidden fruit is too sweet
Look but don’t touch
Never thought I’d like her this much
Wanting to get to know her in more ways than one
Her elegance and beauty leaves me stunned
The way she moves...
Taunting me with every step she takes
Lost in a trance, mesmerized by her lips with every word that she makes
Within fantasy, I delve deeper
She’s certainly a keeper
Endless infatuation
Caught in a state of mesmerization
Left alone with only my thoughts to bear
Tortured by conformity
I wasn’t meant for this time
Too taboo to come to fruition
Lost within a future unknown
Depressed and broken
Cursed to exist
Cody Shull, 2019
Apr 21, 2019
Apr 21, 2019 at 11:55 AM UTC
I delve deep down to the sound of your voice
I'm a slave to your unique tone
I could listen to you speak endlessly
Doesn't matter what it is that you have to say
Just make sure you say it all to me
I will hear you out, word for word
Take your time, there's no rush
Speak to me and I'll hush
I never have much to say
The floor is all yours, if that's okay
Hanging onto your every word
Even if it will bring tears, I'm all ears
I'll swallow all of your fears
Freedom you will find
In me you can confide
Bear the burdens you bottle inside
Lay out your inhibitions and leave them to die
Speak of what has long been unsaid
Open your soul to someone who cares, instead
I care wholeheartedly
What has long haunted thee?
Cody Shull, 2017
Jan 21, 2017
Jan 21, 2017 at 12:38 AM UTC
I always shut myself down
Whenever you're around
On guard every second
Whenever you come into view
It's a problem that I face
Almost everyday
Maybe it's the ****** frustration
That's getting in the way
Maybe it's because you're extremely pretty
And it discourages me to find the right words to say
I've grown to adapt to my social flaws
I feel inadequate and inferior
I lack self-esteem
I am something, but feel like nothing
Nothing is what I have made for myself
Cody Shull, 2014
Jun 7, 2016
Jun 7, 2016 at 10:53 AM UTC
I buried you under the throes of winter
Frozen stuck, but I will learn to thaw you
Please have confidence in my warmth
Yes, I'm capable, but am I willing?
I promise you I do mean well
Even though I'm deserving of Hell
Yearning to kiss your lips of cold
But, it'll just freeze my soul
Have a little patience for me
I will come around sometime
Have a little faith and you'll see
And I will make sure that you will be mine
Cody Shull, 2017
Oct 16, 2017
Oct 16, 2017 at 11:11 AM UTC
I'm sorry, I just can't
Leave me alone
I know I have my faults
I'm damaged
No, nothing traumatic happened to me
My life was okay
Nothing great and nothing bad
Just stuck within my bad self image
That I cannot crawl out of
As if anchored to the ocean floor
Suffocating on waves of uncertainty
I know I can't afford to be this afraid
Wasting away the best years of my life
But, it's something greater than myself
And it has possessed every fiber of my being
So, please, leave me be
I will always be alone
I was not meant for this life
Forever alone
Cody Shull, 2017
Mar 18, 2017
Mar 18, 2017 at 11:46 PM UTC
I saw you standing near the edge of my garden
Peering into my refuge where I made myself captive
Curiosity flooded your mind, anxious to figure me out
Vines around my face, covering my lips, unable to speak
Constricting my expression, squeezing my life away
Helpless by my own doing, only have myself to blame
Shrouded by the undergrowth, unable to ever know
But, there's nothing worth to mention if you asked about me
I'd still be encased in this prison of mine if you asked for me
Sunlight barely touches my skin, which has turned cold
Never been kissed, never reached a level of normalcy
Always running away from something that was common
Always thinking there was something much more
Guess I was just waiting for death
Cody Shull, 2016
Jun 17, 2016
Jun 17, 2016 at 12:56 AM UTC
I can't look in your eyes
If I did, I would die
An overdose of beauty I could not fathom
I would hide in the deepest chasm
I flee to the safest haven
For perfection, you're a maven
I just could not compare
Your angelic face I could not bear
Your serenity would blind me
Never again would I be able to see
Life's uncertainties
Then again, it would be a blessing
Sorry for confessing
As you see...
Life's too stark for me
I face this world and crumble
If I spoke I would mumble
A pitiful sound
Nothing profound
I am me...
I am misery
Cody Shull, 2016
Jun 6, 2016
Jun 6, 2016 at 11:18 AM UTC
Fixated on you
My attention is entrapped by your beauty
Drowning you in compliments
Are they too much?
Let me know how you like it
I'll try my best to fight it
Wanting to kiss every inch of you
Yearning to feel your delicate touch
My every wish and desire holds a piece of you
Always and forever you'll be in my memory
Even if it's just a fleeting glance
Even if it's just one night
Within my mind you dance
To a soft tune of delight
Swaying to the playful melody
Moving to the beat
In the heat of the night
Getting carried away
I start to sweat
Body's wet
Eye to eye
Lost within the moment
Of bliss
We kiss
Losing ourselves within each other
A serene escape
Paradise
Cody Shull, 2017
Jan 6, 2017
Jan 6, 2017 at 4:19 PM UTC
I always thought of you as my angel
I held you in high regard
I held you up
And you shot me down
I hung onto your name for years
Hoping that we could meet again
When the chance arose, you left me behind
Just like you did all those years ago
I failed the first impression
I guess I didn't meet your expectation
You ran towards fantasy
But, ended up running away from reality
Without explanation you left me be
Away from me you flee
You're fond of the memories
But, you're no longer fond of me...
Cody Shull, 2016
Jun 26, 2016
Jun 26, 2016 at 11:17 PM UTC
I need coaxing to come out of my shell
Move me further away from my comfort zone
Take me by hand to wherever is good
Where you and I can be alone
Itching to be free
Lost within myself
Give me a little push
I need your help
I want to pounce
Lacking courage
Not even an ounce
Let me be your entry level lover
Invite me in with your eyes
Give me a chance
Whether it's a kiss, a dance,
or just some old fashioned romance
Suffering in silence
I yearn for excitement
Wasting the best years of my life
Missing out
I live in doubt
Desperate to be freed
Break these self-made chains
And grab what's been waiting for me
Let me be your entry level lover
Invite me in with your smile
That's all I need
Cody Shull, 2016
Oct 7, 2016
Oct 7, 2016 at 3:40 PM UTC
It has seemed like centuries
And it still does now as I stand
Standing emotionless still
Dead inside the heart of a dying man
Love wasted by waiting on myself
Waiting for a change to take effect
Searching for normalcy
In a world so lost
It feels like a century has gone by
Time did not wait for me
It charged on forth without hesitation
Without mercy it slain me
And here I am now, older
But, am I wiser?
It's hard to tell
When there's nothing to reflect on
Cody Shull, 2014
Jun 7, 2016
Jun 7, 2016 at 10:52 AM UTC
Fearful to commit
For slavery I wish not to submit
Liberty wasted away
Pride in decay
I despise what I see in the mirror
Face to face in hate
It doesn't get any clearer
Anguish beginning to pulsate
Abandonment of hope
Nothing remains to help me cope
Left behind emotionally beaten and scarred
Further and further away from normalcy,
I had strayed too far
Struggling to exist
I stand alone
Cody Shull, 2016
Oct 14, 2016
Oct 14, 2016 at 11:26 AM UTC
You’re locked away
Put aside for someone’s pleasure
You’re in chains
Chains of matrimony
There will be love
There will be quarrel
It’s all that you can expect
It makes me feel terrible
It could’ve been us
Between us two
But, there is nothing left
Stuck in constant fantasy
Do you ever think of me?
I fantasize that you do
And I hope that it’s true
There’s nothing more we can do
I swear
But, you’re still the only thing for which I care
It’s just a shame...
It’s just a saddening pity that’s all
Cody Shull, 2019
May 6, 2019
May 6, 2019 at 5:00 PM UTC
Cannot look away
You are all that matters
You're everything, they're nothing
Reach out and take my hand
I'll take you to a celestial land
Don't be afraid
Do not fear, my dear
For I love you most
We complete each other's destiny
We were meant to come together
Together as one
Forever and always
Without end
In eternal loving devotion
Cody Shull, 2017
May 21, 2017
May 21, 2017 at 4:25 PM UTC