i scroll through
the symptoms;
the signs once more
finally screen-shotting them
only so i do not have to keep
looking and re-looking
them up

i rummage through the very
personal box of writings
hidden under my bed
i find the paper
with the heading of:
How I See Me, How I Am
following the undepthed title
is a list of short, spiked written words,
words that, all though so very short, mean so much
and ache even worse

down to the bottom of the list my finger skims
my eyes scattered throughout the words
and my tears scarring the paper
finally at the the bottom
i grab the pen and finish the list
with one simple word

depressed

(a.b)

keep fighting youngster
your thought controls your mind
and you mind controls your body
so dont let your hope fall in the dumpster

i know who you are
and then again i dont
but i can tell without a doubt
that you wont fall from this earth, like a shotting star

your a fighter
you will make it through this
and when you do
your life will never shine brighter

please i expect good news
and when it comes
i want to know
let me know, these are your dues

I'm not what you want
But I'm exactly what you need!
Take a bite and feed
Your satisfaction guaranteed.

I'm your sunshine, woah
I'm gonna burn down your parade!
I'm the shotting star that you wish,
You wished you never made!

Most of my life, is a blur

undeniable words that slur.

I have my share of secrets,

who knows if ill keep them.

I like to think of all the reasons

the reasons I dont fit

All the reasons I have to want an old life back

A life in a dream..

but i wake up and see it isnt what it seems

Reality is mean

I think of all the resons Im fine that Ive changed

Still changing.. not staying the same.

So out of place

id be a shotting star in outter space.

And here i am

not looking back

I dont what what I had

I have what ive got

and this is just me

moveing forward.

well see what we see.

How I wish I showed more of the love held captive inside the walls of my heart

Would be lucky if a person listened to my sincere words of adoration and those words sent them sling-shotting to the moon

In any breath could inhale courage and exhale truth
But I choose instead to idly savor the silent smell of your newly-scrubbed skin
Without saying one single word

The kymatology of your Gypsy amberjacked offended Federal Reserve Peyton Manning 5477 Yard degree **** Clark Tromboning like a Bandstand Grandstand Disguisean “Move it Move it” NSFW Music Video Flute Love in your Miles in the Stratosphere High Saturday Night Fever Moaning Intoxication in the Highest Heaven as your Deep Dish “Offing to Chic So Long Ago” Way out West remixed Egypt Pharoah Spells on the penetralia of my scrivello Elephant Slim Shady wholesome heart-thumping **** Cheney humpback Wall Street (1987) vibing latex roughshod strike-slip Outback Steakhouse kangaroo pouched galloping “Rimbaud Eyes” drooling with mascara Wedding Gown steam veiled by umbril Umbrellas Euphoric Jolt “Kicking in the Beat IT” regatta analogies fail is foolproof House of the Rising Sun Dr. House Inside Man Grand Central Terminal FDR “Harry Potter Business” revving you like a sleek Mercedes Benz Orange Julius Slurpee Occasion “crack shotting” Wild Wild West bumping “college dorm room” Business keen with your strongest acumen about licking my fingers in Coca Cola Mariani Wine hugging you so hard you sweat Midas vibes until the Traffic Jam in Your Seismotic Headbutt causes Greyhounds everywhere to get Flat Tires because of Roswell Style beyond stylish swirling like twirled ******* intertwined in impregnating engaged strangers following me lazily like Wizards chasing “Press Hop Part 2” NORAD pedigree Reindeereing your Coziest Christmas ***** whale as I “******* dolphrin” divinity Titanic Sinking Boston Massacre Fancy seven-mile corridor in Striptease ***** Dancing Torpedos against The Blockade by Fredo Fidel’s Fidelity to Flashbang Grenada Terpsichorean “Anti-Ducks” Ducking Your Juicy Slapstick Coy Fulgurant Soporific Benzene Paper Ring Oneiromantic Vitamultin Shock-and-Awesome Vibrant Fizzgig TNT Nuclear Freeze Frosty ICE Age whimsical Huxley Noble Savagery on your slurm-gasping flippant headflipping nose-pierced suffocating trampoline Stamp Act Insurrection against the Hercules Of my Mythos Magnified scorching Black Hole Sun holes so deep into your conscience you surrender The War of the Roses just to Behead Henry VIII For being a Twix PSY-Op Because he Couldn’t be a Daddy like an Excellent Iron Maiden “Royal Ugly Dude” too pissy that Queeny Love couldn’t give him a Diet Squirt on a Luxury Pirate Ship Headed to the Bermuda Triangle To ******* Amelia Earheart with Cal Ripken Longevity going Mach 3 into An Optative Plumb and Plumber McCain in the Membrane Asscrack Romance with A Beautiful Stranger rather than a Beautiful Mind Decorated for Christmas thousands of years before you were even borne of Goddesses malingering  ******* ironclad ramshackle Barry Bonds 73rd Home Run Frenzies into Beam Brooked Swampy “*** With Yourselves” Cattaneo Style In Heaven blasting cracklepop flippant rinkomaniac Gilmore Girls ******* Hasek Almighty Notorious brawling Yessir Sizzling Yassir Arafat Terrorism on windlasses winterkilled Cheyenne Coyote Howls of stark poetic stranded wilderness of livid lurid passionate MAGLEV Train *** darting at your bullseye Eye of the Tiger “You Can Tell A Woman’s Girl All Time Will Stalk” Because I’m always your Apollo G to the Answer to your Recursive Hot N Cold Hudson Bay Halifax Supersonic Durantula And One Professor Lewinskies a Cigar-Shaped UAPs yet Identified until we ******* the Federal Reserve Until A Vinegaroon Mothership Alien of the Century Bursts Cold as Ice until Drop Dead Gorgeous Janie Briggs Stops Vibrating Birthday Cakes in Front of the Clergy And Michael Bays the East Compton Wildcats Because it Lowers the Bar So Low Randy Newman Cracks Dependable Petroleum unleashing Xenu’s DC-8s flying out of the “Smack Bottom” of the Mariana Trench and Nicki Minaj’s Parody of White and Nerdy Goes Triple Diamond as we Ski on a Double Blackface Full ****** Steep ***** of Affair and Hockley Takes His Forty Fifth Notch and Supermans up on that *** and Says “It’s Payday Boys” “Ahhh Leave the ****** Dead!” and then US more then Them Catapults His *** Until He Has A Flesh Wound Jan Johnston Remix Until I Whipped Cream that Moisty *** ***** And Tell Him to Get his Crass Flimsy *** Back Down There And Then a Big Lebowski Kingpin Says “I’m Not a Chicken You’re a Turkey” and then Hockley (Yes the Same Hockley I am Dissing in this Draft) (The Wife Beater Domineering **** that Tried to Get Rose Dawson to Commit Suicide that Tried to **** the King of the World and Resulted in his Death Because He Scared Him Downstairs on the Titanic so he would get Hypothermia Faster Not Referring or Even Insinuating in the Slightest Way Any Known World Leader Including Xi who Deep Down is a Good Person but the CCP Forced His Hand because of Internal Politics and Benjamin Netanyahu has the right to be angry about Campbells Soup and the world turning Muslim) Gets Abducted by the Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles Having a Threeway with Alicia Chilianis and her even Sexier Clone in Heaven Watching him Get Rick Rolled by Kevin Hart’s 50 Tyson Video Until He Jerks off to Drumline After 3 Days After Saying Your “Gonna Have to Tie to me to a Tree” Jacking Off to Clerks 2 until Alanis Morrisette Descends on A Twirling Teleporting UFO Glistening in Pure Gold Like a Taco that Craps Ice Cream Using The Almighty Power of the Wizards of the Forest Transfigured by "Ol Smithy" The Greatest Pioneer "Just A Simple Blacksmith"s Ascent to Heaven Shape Shifting into Morgan Freeman with Seven Fingers as he Floats into Eteranal Salvation So Loud It Makes Twin Pines Mall Go Deaf Dumb and Blind While they are Playing Pinball and Drooling Over Coloring Books until Jagged Little Pills Laugh So Loud They Bro Down to the Qwersy Slum Tenement in the New Jersey that Needs a New Mascot! because Manbearpig has been exterminated by Al Capone’s Moonwalking Black Vitiligo Clone Shamoning “He He He” as He Does the Chris Tucker C4 Dance on the Castro District. Although Katy Kat You Know I Speak in Jest just to entertain your “Wildest Dreams” even if they are too wild to “Cherish” but because of Majestic 12 Thieves that seek to **** and destroy while I try to bring life in abundance (John 10:10) but I’ll play tender with your crystal heart gleaming brighter then Sirius zig-zag zooming blossom autumnal carapace endeavor at light speed like a Jimmy Neutron Star gaggled by Dexter’s Laboratory minatory Minotaur Understanding in a Car Crash exploding into Champagne Recursive Heavens of Hourglass Light of Love more than Lust Sprawling Sprauncy Sauna Steamboat Springs Down Under Safari Chewbacca Persiflage Gangbanging Jest and Jovial Trivial Pursuit Masterclass Seminal Salt-n-Peppa Progressive Lampoons Rustier than Frank Sinatra sobbing at GEICO’S Pinocchio Sarcastically Telling Him He Will Amount to Nothing More than an Andre Malek Fable Until You Cream Eidetic Daydreams Livid Everlong Warbled Spavined Cackles Too Tall for Indiana Jones But King Kong Ain’t Got Nothing on the Hung Sing-Sing Presley Cash Art Heist Brosnan Strawberry Swisher Jealousy Spartled Like a Jabberwocky Werewolf Suing Ted McKensie for Malpractice for Sweeping the Golden Globes And Chousing Him Even on the Days He Was a Wolf Because of Morrisette Duplicity in Nashville Dovetailed White Supremacists Cackling as Chapelle Tries to Do A Backflip on a Steamroller on a Short Bus Ramp trying to Jump 50 Blacks Like The Schwarz Dark Helmet Dared Him to Ghost Ride so that Terry Crew’s Induction to the KKK Flops Worse than Star Trek Beyond Vagisil Speed Bump ****** Hero Randy Marsh Magic Mormon Underpants Doing “Dance, Dance” Revolution Number 9 on Quaaludes Like Jonah Hill Torched by The End is Your Only Friend But Somewhere I Read About the Freedom of Assembly For Martin Luther King Jr. to **** The Adolf Butler Impostor Jackstaff Pretender QOSA White Guy That Ruined Miami Cuz “That Guy Robbed a B.I.G. Hospital, and I heard he had A ***** Stamp Too, I’m Like You’ve Gotta Be ******* Me But Check This Out Man The King of Austin Hill Judge Should be Like Guilt like Gravity Peace” (Think Bee Gees 1/12/2003 and Bill Paxton's Botched Heart Surgery) But Insane Clone Posse Galvanized by Oranges Peach Pears and Syringes Sexier When Godsmack Ain’t Pulling An Ice JJ Fish Celebrity **** Crash On Your Clairvoyant Spongy Bobstay Apple Pie Mushroom Blossom Sunflower Tears of Pure Bliss and Rapture of Pearly Whites Flirting With the Bounds of Heaven and Earth to Expand to Accommodate the Exodus of Purgatory into Heaven And We Got A Hummer Broadway Sleepless in Seattle Limousine To The Opening of New Shock-and-Awesome Jolting Luxury Salvation Canopied Forested Lush Condos On The Periphery Of Heaven As “There Was No More Sea”, And at that Moment We Clutched So Tightly We Were Willing To Die With A Smile Just To Witness Spangled Plenary Flapdoodle Fastuous Velivolant Hookipa Beach Until Your by PSY kickbacks Soar You Like a Kite Dodger Ducking Caledon’s Trigger Finger Envy As We Michael Phelps with your American Thighs and My Dolphin Tipped Gerald Sarcasm Fording the Red Sea it To Brazil And Party Like “Were Already Dead” on Copacabana Carnival Jellyfish Dinosauric Fossil Ampitheaters Thriving on “This is How We Do It” Abnegation Twisted Tea Long Island Montauk Project Radial Waves of Seismotic Euphoria Pulsating Through Time in Space Enchanting Distant Alien Civilizations until the End of Time and Space Groundhog Daying Until The Heavens Sigh Their Last Gasp of Joy Above and Beyond All Expectations Lived Over and Over Again As Partners Who Howl With the Devotion of the World’s Most Compassionate Pug Touched by an Angel Gazing into the Heart and Soul of True Love Zoomieing Around For 20 Minutes After I See You in My Soul Face to Face (No Song Intended) For the First of Many Times Cheering You On At Every Concert and Dancing Like Francois Dubois Packed up and Ready to Finally Ride Those Harleys in Hawaii on Our Most Special Electric Fortnight Because it Was Always My Teenage Dream to Have A Girl as Precious as You to Hold Close at Night And Glissade into Bliss at the Fireside Tabletop Mountaintop And Mine Eyes Have Seen Almost No One in World History as **** as Your Gestalt Rorsarch Impression on my Heart and I am desperate for any excuse in the world to choose you as my Queen!