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lonleyflowerx Apr 2017
ethan
it was beautiful outside on the day you were laid to rest
the sun was shinning and the birds were chirping
but inside was nothing but rain in my chest

they said "don't hate the addict hate the drug"
"he's in a better place now, he's  free"
and i couldn't help but look down at my shaking hands and hate the addict- me

it's easy to hate a pill but how do i learn to hate a drug when my drug of choice was always you
escaped your reality through a quick high and and a line
but i only escaped mine, when i was by your side

you're gone you're gone you're gone
and i'm going through withdrawals
i need you
i need my high

maybe someday they will say she's finally free too - when i die
zebra Sep 2016
i constantly feel the need
to express to you
my inner unreasoned
masturbatory stream of consciousness.
and i want you to know
i consider it an immense privilege
for you to be so kind
dearest
as to stand
under my ghastly orchard

my darkest poems
blood letting streams
are a kind of ******
fetishy cognitive inventory
malformed denizens
of the subconscious
a well of torments
soup of Salmonella
the souls gut
its cauldron
yet not with out lurid enticements
and voluptuous supplicants
gorgeous
like an eight legged woman
with beautiful feet
drooling **** lips
drunk on sacrificial rituals
of blood black tongued kisses
and hideous contorted pleasures
*******

once
exquisite archetypes
gods and goddesses
are now
putrefied
cellar dwellers
moaning in nature bed crypts
of rock, stone
and engraved sigils

because honest pure desires
became fragmentary
and are now gimping amputees
by legions of primal disappointment

while faces blare in the world
like super bright L.E.D.s
shinning paths to others
our deep self
remains patinaed in tears
a black box pox with a lock
the skeleton key lost
in arcane seas

out of utter disgust
for those dark crawlers
that live within us
revealing them selves
as anxieties, depressions
suicides
and myriad quiet despairs
we appear undaunted
to others
and they to us

humanity
muffled ticks
and splintered sticks

my poems let my demons out

yoo who its me
my name is spray snake z
with my hooks and cries
and dark blood skies

in the misty night
i dragged out their earthen coffins
legends of the despicable
resurrected them
fed and loved those darklings
had every conceivable union with them
their healing, my own

ive sexualized them
and found love
albeit twisted

to be adored
in a hidden embrace
i bestow upon you a poetic fantasy
while obsession takes hold

bind it not
nor let it bind you
My poems remain explorations of the subconscious ******
If i where a film maker or a novelist  you  would see me telling a story not judge me  although i admit to my paraphilias  
These poems  are lunar anamorphic streams of consciousness from the deep chaotic subterranean glitz of transgressive  impulses we all share
Read them if you dare...You might find that part of yourself that you don't want you to know about
My Love;
If I should pass this warm, star-filled, summer's night....
With the smiling moon,
     so full......
        Ever so bright.....
Tomorrow I will become the brightest star
     streaking through your clearest window
         shinning my most beautiful silver light
             upon your smooth face,
                at rest, upon your softest pillow.....
I will enter your saddest dreams
    your tear filled, broken heart
       engulfing you in my warm spiritual, caress,
           soothing your sorrows
               bringing you peaceful rest....
If I should pass, this warm, star-filled, summer's night,
    remember always, I love you, forever,
        until that glorious day in Heaven
            we joyfully unite..........
Traveler Aug 2018
I'm an ember in the fire
An endless hunger
Of consuming heat

I'm a lover big fat liar
I'm the quicksand
Beneath cold feet

Shinning eyes
Out in the darkness
I'm the panic in
A lost heart beats

I'm the passion in life's battle
I'm the dread in the dreary dream

I'm the one who never settles
I'm the one who's always mean!


...
Traveler Tim
Actually I'm kind of a nice guy..
Naptural Mermaid Aug 2018
Poison Ivy.
I must admit, I always questioned your ability to reciprocate the love that I deserve.
History has it that your charm and poison has a way of shinning through to people just like the way you got me.

Poison Ivy.
What was it that lured me to you? I think it was the way you pulled me in. As gentle as a dove and as wise as serpent. With every smell, every touch, as innocent as they appeared you took my breathe away.

Poison Ivy.
Will my last words ever be as sensual as your first touch? Did my eyes light up as my adrenaline rushed? Poison, friendship, love.... these words have become mundane and such.

Poison Ivy.
Will you still care for me? Is it better that we’re no longer friends? Even after I’ve chosen to die  and become vulnerable for you?
guy scutellaro Sep 2018
(Jack is taking Kate to her apartment after O'Malley's wedding reception)


Through the familiar, haunted streets Jack drives the old Mustang fast back. The car rattles by the unkempt houses and broken down cars. He makes a left to Dunlewy Street and pulls the car behind a station wagon. Tangled in the tree tops the rising moon hangs above the roofs of identical cape cod houses.

"Is this were you live?" Jack asks.

Kate looks at Jack. His face is a faint shadow on the other side of the car. "Yeah, I live in the upstairs apartment."

"When I was a kid the down stairs was one of those mom and pop stores. You could make a bet with the grocer and every day after school I'd come here and buy a MilkyWay bar."

Kathleen steps out of the car and breathes in the cold air deeply into her lungs. The air is fresh and sweet and the sickness in her stomach goes away.

Jack comes around the side of the car just as she knew he would. He takes her in his arms and kisses her.

"Do you want to come up?" Kathleen asks.

"I don't want to wake up your son."

"You won't Richie is staying at my girl's house. I'm going to pick him up tomorrow before church."

They walk beneath the old oak tree whose roots have raised and cracked the sidewalk. In the spring tiny blue flowers grow through the cracks. The flowers remind Jack of the columbines that bloom briefly in the meadows beneath the high mountains. The wooden steps to her apartment creak beneath their feet.

She sways slightly trying to fit the house key into the lock. The key finds the lock and the door swings open.  Jack follows her into the kitchen. There are pots of plants lining the kitchen counter, on top of the refrigerator, and on the table pushed against the wall opposite the sink.

Crossing the room Kathleen takes off her coat and lays it over the back of the kitchen chair. When she leans across the table to turn on the radio her mini skirt tugs tightly around her buttocks

The music plays softly.

Jack stands and as Kathleen straightens up he slips his arm around her waist. She turns toward him starring into his blue eyes like a cat into a fire. His body gently presses her against the table and when he lifts her onto the table her legs wrap around his waist.

Kathleen sighs.

Jack kisses her lips. Her lips are as cold as rain. Jack reaches. There is a faint click and the room slips into darkness. Eddie Money is on the radio with Ronnie Spectre singing the back up vocals. Eddie belts out, "Take me home tonight, I won't let you go till you see the light."

When he withdraws from the kiss, her eyes are shinning  like diamonds in the night.

Jack unfastens the buttons of her dress down to her waist and parts the garment cupping her ******* in his hands. Her arms circle his neck and pull him to her. Her lips move against his ear.

"Don't Jack, please. You mustn't. "Her voice is a roaring whisper in his ear. "*** always ruins everything. I just want a friend."

Jack drops his hands to her thighs and up past her garter belts and slide around to cup her ***. "I'll be your friend," Jack tells her.

Kathleen draws a deep breath and her arms gently tighten around his neck.

He pulls her to the edge of the table and on the radio Ronnie softly  sings," Oh darlin, my darlin , won't you be my be my little baby."
to be continued...
Nature as we see it
Maybe the sky isn't blue, it is white
Maybe the stars aren't twinkling, but confused
Maybe the sun isn't shinning, but cursing
Maybe the moon doesn't light up, but filled with darkness
Nature as we described it might not fit
Nature in it self can't be defined
This poem spur from people's believe that  God is nature and anything from God  can't be faulty. So we tend to describes this natural things based on our beliefs. Refusing to see its other end, in which beauty is based on it diversity
RCraig David Apr 2013
From my "Bestifreadaloud" series about a girl that got away that Spring because I waited too long.

Part 1 The Past
A case made now faded of a simple place, a time, a space,
a perfect moment let pass in haste.
Clasped in clashes,
brash in passion,
rose from ashes,
desire fires every second's essence as it passes,
a ton amasses.
Fast bloom,
Blast!! Boom!!
The past relapses.
Notably lesser song notes float hopeful, emotional ends and remember whens.
Sent us spinning, then spin adrift again.
Sprung in spring, we fell,
Some are reasons to recall.
Summer's season breaks, we fall.
Flocks fly down and fallen callings fade to Winter's south.
How fate related still debated.
Re-Sprung the next Spring' rise, chance misses fate this date.
I weighed and debated and waited too late

PART 2
Still all these years alone, the "one", the "purpose" unsought.
Capturing thoughts,
The ones I caught and tossed,
Things I was taught and lost.
Proof framed and embossed for a cost.
Coping through the unabashed hopes to one day cash in on all this stashed trash I clash with.
"Smash it?" ...the thought crossed.  

Unimpressed by my evidence of self-less requests,
pursuit of self-evident truth proves a most ruthless abuse.
Even less are my skewed protests for “selfish quests" at the behest of the very strangers I sought to impress.
I digress.

The years compound, bossed around, kicked down but soundly employed,
I turn cold, blaming Freud for defining my non-violent, intolerance threshold on page 23 of some textbook I should have resold.
I go silent. Grow old.
"While your whining and shunning your shinning,
They're sinning and winning." Bad timing.

Girls come, go and follow this shallow, hollow fellow on the run.
While preyed upon...I paid a ton. I play.
The sum never more than the cost of rented fun.
Without insight but consent forthright,
my 30 years of intent were spent in a fortnight.
Still bent on shedding every pound of one first-moment's ton I lost not won.
Can't buy happy for less than the cost of your one-ness.
While prayed upon...paid a Son, they say.

part 3

Ohh the wait....
Ohh the weight...
My set-adrift-soul's mending depends solely on tossing
lost cause cost-spending into thrift.
Well it's a beginning.
All the amassed notes, quotes, boat-floaters,
and sailboat hopes spun in one 1-ton loss moment sprung that one Spring.

Now and again, it creeps in,
like slowly growing stinging nettles around a squelched,
once steaming scorched dream kettle.
Still stays packed away in my heart's darkest parts.
Blurred by time and place,
this burning, misplaced furnace space lays in wait.

Such compiled cold-case denial files from other life trials, lay piled in haste on my proverbial, "less pressing" messy desk of "not ready to face."
Too scared or daring to date, try to relate or contemplate
how to best equate this great weight.
Wait?... Wait.
Elation brewing from pursuing future fruition or ensuing
pure ruin gates these fates from moving, year-to-date.
For the sake of trying or dying forsaken,
another day awake is another day gained or taken.

I found her again,
the town's she's in
but she is taken and then
She learns of my wait, it's weight, my fate, she's shaken,
another ton amasses again. I pretend.
Lay down.
Drown the score of sounds surrounding.
Furthermore, slow the pulse-pounding abounding your core.
Fill your breath.
What is less is gone, tomorrow more.  

by R. Craig David-Copyright 2012
Sebastian Macias Jul 2018
When you don't carry heavy pockets
When the sun isn't shinning
When the rain is drowning you
And the trees are chasing you
The women are laughing at you
Your children can't see you
Your belly aches
And you're waking up alone
Shivering and the door is open
Listening to the howling in the night
So you ******* howl back
You're laying there on the floors
Time is passing you by
You've swam out so far
The coast is lost and it's dark
There is no dove to save you

That's when it happens.

And now you're here
Now you are here
Stephen E Yocum Sep 2013
Can there possibly be,
any more affable and
devoted friend than big old dog?

Dogs; the only animal in the world,
bred, and raised that have within
them one driving passion and desire,
to live along side and please their
human companions.

Should we find reason to scold,
or forcibly correct them for some
transgression of unwanted behavior,
They merely love us with their eyes
of shinning acceptance and affection,
Ready to forgive and forget.

A dog is not petty, they hold no grudges.
They seldom nag, never talk too much,
In short they are the perfect friend.

Other than a hopeful encouraging gaze,
Two times a day, like clock work,
Beseeching us as they do, for food,
They seldom require anything of us.
Except to be protected, loved
And treated fair.

Oh sure they also let us know when,
they need to go outside to do their Duty.
Now that is so completely preferable,
to that other odious option.
How **** smart is that?
Sometimes I don't even know,
when I got to go to the bathroom,
And I'm an intelligent human.

At least once a day, they
conspicuously stand at the
door, leash in their mouth
looking to go outside,
for a little exercise.
And gentle reminder to us,
that a brisk walk would,
do us more good, than them.

I can sometimes be a little down,
When along comes my canine clown,
And charms and delights all that,
Right out of me. Such is their nature.

Even merely going out to the garage,
for less than five minutes,
Upon my return, I'm excitedly,
lovingly greeted as if,
I'd been gone forever.

Five minutes or five days,
To a dog, it does not matter.
Unconditional love has
no built in time meter.

If you could hook up,
their gyrating, manic tails,
to your house current,
no utilities' bills need be paid.

Sometimes I swear,
that old dog of mine,
is actually smiling.

Long tailed dogs can be a bit of a menace,
What with their "Excitement Whip" appendage,
slapping seated kids on the floor, in the face,
And sweeping all the little bric-er-brac,
keep sakes, right off your coffee table.
A small price to pay for all their affection,  

I like people just fine,
but I must honestly admit,
to the company of noble dogs,
I can be completely content.

Sure occasionally I seek the
reassuring comradeship,
of some good humans
As long as my dog,
can come along,
and attend the party too.

When I was a child,
we moved a lot,
Human Friends
were not in abundance.
It was an old loving dog.
that pulled me through,
all those dark hours and,
I have never forgotten.

It was about then,
that I truly understood,
that dogs are people too.
Much smarter than,
we give them credit.

The only real sad part
to this compatible pairing,
this marriage of the heart,
is that we must always,
it seems, out live our buddies.

Love is love and
gone is gone
and nothing
can ever change that.

That loss has come
to me, more times
than I care to remember.
I weep and morn and
Swear to never ever,
Suffer that pain again.
That my last dear friend,
was beyond replacement.

Yet a sweet new
little puppy can
do wonders to heal
a sad broken heart.

Once more you begin,
to open your soul
and embrace that
young pup forever.
And what was old,
is new again.

And just starting over,
that fresh beginning,
That new budding
friendship,
Is what's important.

For no man is an Island
as long as he has a
good dog beside him.
A little surgery, sure. Over stated, maybe too
sentimental, could be. But if you ever had a
great dog in your life I think you'll get it.
To those of you that hate this write, go buy
or rescue a dog and a year or so later talk
to me. Or better yet write some verse.
I bet it will contain some of this same
sentimental dribble will drip from your
chin too.
Look up and see the stars shinning in the sky,
Like little pearls shimmering in the lake.
And here we are as the night goes by,
Admiring beauty for beauty's sake.

The flowers are blooming, come, take a look.
What beauty they hold in their simple beings.
And so are the petals, such fragile things.
Welcoming the day, dancing with the breeze.

If only you could see from the artists eye,
What amazing colors this palette holds.
Painting a picture then none could paint.
Getting brighter and brighter as the day grows.

The birds are soaring on the blue canvas above.
Singing their songs in such heavenly tunes.
Oh the nightingales, the robins and doves,
All thanking the lord for this care and love.

The day progresses, it is afternoon.
And sun is now westward bound.
The day will end quite soon.
But we still got time to have a look around.

Look up again. The sky is red,
Wishing farewell to the day.
The sky is getting darker as we look,
Closing another chapter in heaven's book.
Keiya Tasire Jan 17
I stand with roots deep into my mother
With branches out stretching towards my father
And Light from the rising sun reflecting within my eyes.

Machi curing, Machi healing,
I sing your song. I feel your love.
Mi Pachamama
So full of love
Your flow of life, ever flowing
Your river of sound, ever singing
Your stream of light, forever shinning.
How can I ever cry when I am within your arms?

Arising with the warming sun
Flowing through the air on the breath of her winds
So softly the clouds release her love
As they are caressed by the tops of her mountains.

Her waters of love flowing…
Trickling down onto the forest
Gathering into the brooklets,
Streams, riverlets, and rivers
Satisfying the thirst of all her creations.

The sound of pan flutes filling my ears
The dance of chi coursing through
Even this body, this gift, this flesh.
Singing her lullaby
Embracing & soothing this tired soul.
Softly the winds bring the colors
Of her song into my beating heart.

Machi soothing
Machi healing. Machi Curing
Machi, singing me well with Her love
Mi Pacha Mama , so full of love
Your flow of life, ever flowing
Your river of sound, ever singing
Your stream of light, forever shinning.
How can I ever cry when I am within your arms?

Healing, Soothing, Curing, Love
I sing your song. I sing your love
Mi Pacha Mama…
We are each born and sustained by elements of the earth. We are born from the earth that gathered within our mother's wombs and sustained by the plants, airs, water, minerals, and the warm life giving rays of the sun. One day we will give our body back to the earth as our spirits soar towards the heavens where our Father in Heaven and Mother Earth reside.
Risa Njoroge May 27
Another cold and lonely night,
Seated in the corner of this dark bar under a dim light,
Looking for the kind of love that lasts till first light,
Is it love under a drunken sight?
“From the guy at the bar"
Says the waitress who forgot a part of her dress,
She raises the glass and yet again lowers her bar,
She will have to fall in love with him tonight!

"I'll be right back,” She says  as she tries to get her *** up,  
Staggers away into the old filthy bathroom with a broken latch,
What used to be a mirror is nothing but broken glass,
Shattered in pieces like her broken heart,
The unpaid ***** she has now become,
Another tale of a her now too many one-night stands,
Grasping tightly at the illusion of this drunken love,
Each Night, A different Knight,

He doesn’t even own an old truck,
Or have enough money for the yellow cab,
Yet his working hand she holds
And together they stagger into the dark night,
Last night's knight’s cologne still lingers on,
Like the poison of hate that now runs through her veins,
He throws his jacket over the window pane,
She even lets him touch her now pale face!

The illusion of this temporary love doesn't last,
His wife is about to break through the phone,
This **** slob passed out with one foot on the floor,
Under this morning light, he looks nothing like the shinning knight,
"Time to leave, thanks for the drink!"
He leans forward to give her one last kiss,
Just one double of cheap whiskey,
Not a penny left where he picked his keys,

She will be cold and lonely tonight,
She will be at that bar seated in the corner under the dim light,
Falling in love with you,
And hoping it lasts longer than first light!
#unpaidwhore #pennedvixen #lookingforlove
kirk Mar 2018
Two souls alone so far between only nights are calling
Shinning stars pointing the way an affection so enthralling
Shimmers over tranquil pools the crescent moonlights falling
Meetings of two lovers hearts before the mornings dawning

The anguish of a waiting heart the flutter of a wing
Beauties small enchanted voice hearing the Fairy sing
Dreams of love's compulsion, her song the wolf will bring
Within two hearts both shall meet on silvers entwined ring

A curse that's placed is broken a drink of pure tranquillity
The Spirit of the Wolf is called upon a test of his nobility
Flight of the fairy's soft élan her grace and her gentility
Brake the curse before the dawn the tranquil pools ability

Moonlight shines through the night sky a twinkle in a star
Sparkles touch the waters edge those loves that leave a scar
Both must drink before the light love's lost forever far
Glimmers of hope a small sip Wolf's howl at what they are

Transformations will occur love will always intervene
Magical flickers catch the light and wherever it is seen
Once a fairy fluttering now she's a proud Wolf queen
Wolf's are always calling where tranquil pools have been

The souls of two true lovers, will never be apart
Differences are overcome, from Loves intervening heart
Tranquil pools compulsive dreams, those feelings from the start
When two hearts are intertwined, that's true loves unique art
Yenson Jul 2018
Yes, its the year twenty eighteen and not Nineteen forty-four

but comrades and friends, hear me out for I know not what to do

Do be kind and laugh you not, or raise your eyes or snigger like fools

the problem is, like Duke Philip, Mark Philips, Snowdon and Mike Tindall

I have known a Royal Princess for years and really like her very much



She is so sweet and nice, ever gentle, warm, kind and thoughtful

smart and clever, fun and playful yet regal and charismatic

and it is said, pardon moi, she has the sweetest honey ***, to boot

I know she fancies me too, for her intense eyes and actions tells me so

we talked, we joked, drink and laugh and share little tender touches



She lives in a grand little apartment and drive a lovely old car

well read, witty and engaging, she's fun and very good company

She,s impressively intelligent with a wide grasp of social issues and life

very versatile, she can turn her hand to anything and does things well

above all, she's a people's person, always sensitive to the needs of others



Alas, that was then, for now in months, we no longer see or speak

for I am a coward, right through and thorough and not very bright

You see I am, though no longer said, a commoner born and bred

and to me and my kith and kin, its always has been 'us and them'

And from birth, our tradition states, never the twain shall meet, so there!



For if I show my real feelings to my Princess and be real, nice and warm

I shall, by my lot be accused of being impressed by 'them snotty lot'

If I show I really care and want to be close and spend time with her

my lot will mock me to high heavens and call me a toady brown-noser

They will scream, crawler, fawner, he's just a flunkey and a groveller



Again, if with her I am real and natural as with all I know in my circle

they will say I am an arduous social-climber, being what he's not

And to boot, were I to be true to myself and have who I really want

I will be ******, shunned and labelled, a big 'Gold-digger,' true

Look at him, betraying his roots and all for shinning lucre from them



So being the coward, under-confident, paranoid, insipid under-achiever

traits, you all know and have, inherited from birth along with you all from our class

So what else to do, but drive my kind, real and genuine Princess away from me

I had to behave rude and shabbily to show I had no regard for 'them Royals' ones

I shouted and scorned to indicate I have no respect for any 'regal' whatever



Its all show with us, so I put on a good show and reported back to my lot

oh, I farted in the Princess' face and took the **** as we spoke, hahaha

Oh, I stood over the Princess and shouted and raved in public, hahaha

oh, I ignored her calls and never text or call her back, hahaha hahahaha

Oh, do you know, I shouted and slammed the phone down on her, twice, haha...haha



Wow, did I win bragging rights or what, I did not betray my roots, I tell you

I walk amongst my lot now with pride, and I can see they are all impressed

Some idiot said, hey! isn't the Princess just another human like you

did she treat you like that, are you not intelligent enough to see past labels

Have you ever heard, 'Do unto others as you want them do unto you'



Alone by myself, I feel ashamed, I think about her and wished I'd behaved differently

but what could I do, what's the right and correct thing to do in this situation

I am weak, I always need others, not confident enough to stand up for myself

Though educated, I am not intelligent enough to be self-assured, fair and measured

And all my insecurities means I need others attention, kinship and approvals



I love 'showing off', I think most of us do it to make up for our inferiority complexes

Nothing beats being able to say, I disrespected those toffee-nosed ones

Though my Princess was very down to earth and never haughty, she is still one of them

But I have to be a working class hero or be shunned and given grief by my lot

After all, I am not Royal and made of sterner stuff. we are not born and bred that way

Hahaha.....hahaha....hahaha........yeah, I'm the man! Who's your daddy, people?



Copyright LaurenceA. 14th June, All rights reserved.
Midnight wolf Sep 2017
Diamonds on flowers
And silver clouds
A shinning blue sea
With its golden sand

A garden of green
With it's shadow of rainbows
A flawless waterfall
And it's shinning bright sun

A midnight moon
And a howling wolf
The twinkling  stars
Lighting up the dark

A world of wonder
With living lives
A sense of freedom
With curious eyes.
Deep within I think a darkness,
Something to destroy everything,
Then comes a shinning,
That fills up the nothingness.
Ant Sep 2018
As a young child I wanted a right hand.
one to ride with my vibe.
a person I don’t mind to see me cry.
i want a love so strong that it is a sin to the world eyes.
i laugh you laugh...shhhhh!!! I can be corny at times.
when one cries we are there to uplift, because love won’t let the inner die.
you Guernica
i Pablo Picasso
you humbling shinning by my side
tru love is what i’m looking for :)

feel this............i bathe you in a fruit bath
to wash away  the world stressful sin.
i dry you off then rub you down with warm oil hmph !!
let the magic begin :)
then we make love like the world is going to end.
just to wake up to see the sunrise again
that was a young child
who became a man
still wanting that right hand
Tru Love Is What I’m looking For :)

as my old skool soul wraps around my heart.
the piano sound dances with the wind
because it has found the thing it’s been looking for.
if i said it once i will say it again
tru love is what i’m looking for :)
Try reading this to Ludovico Einudi- Nuvole bianche it’s what inspired this
Sarah Dec 2018
I crave a dance
Not a hug,
Not a kiss or a delicate touch
But a dance
A red dress and a gentleman to take my hand
On a shinning dancefloor
On a trip outside the dimensions of this world
Where flying needs no wings
Where music feels like the gentle wind
I'd swirl and swirl
With my red dress flowing like the petals of a rose
Carried by the swift breeze
Till it come back
To you
I never danced with a man, ever
Johnny walker Dec 2018
Out the blue one day came my way a message from a Cyber friend a message that shone a light on my once so darkened
life
Has helped me so much with my struggle of grief
the message over and over
I read, felt as If I'd known my now Cyber friend all my life
My new Cyber friend has
given me hope for future to where we live
In
a world of so much uncertainty, so I thank my new found Cyber friend for shining a light to guide my way
Out the blue a message that of a Cyber friend who Is shining a light on my once so darkened life
Xaela San Aug 2018
Let me tell you a secret nobody knows

I'm insecure, I hate myself, I don't see myself pretty, I'm a mess
Mess up in the head
Standing in front of you, my mind keeps on running and running and running away
From logic and reason I wish I have now

I'm under this great pressure I made myself
I can't lift it up, it just keep on, in on, in on crashing every faith in myself
and chain every part of me
Blinding my eyes
Sealing my mouth
Killing me slowly inside
And I can't breath seeing my reflection in the mirror
I'm sick of it

I keep on saying, I keep on screaming
I keep on crying, I keep on wishing
I keep on praying to be like them
but even the shooting star can't change that

How do you run from what's in your head?

I can't free myself from my insecurities
I'm embarrassed, I've become a mess, I've become a hater
It keeps on destroying myself inside
and I can't take it out of my mind

Every second, every minute, every moment of my life
Is slowly becoming something my jealousy made
I started to hate myself
I started to hate the people I'm jealous of

Because I want to be like them  
Pretty, Confident, Intelligent, Proud and Shinning
Everything I ever wanted, but I can never be like them, I can never be them
I'm like an unfit puzzle piece of the society I want to fit in

My jealousy, my insecurities made me into someone I despise
Hatred for myself runs in my veins
Everything I stand for just disappeared into the oblivion
like bubbles disappearing  into the thin air

And I'm becoming trap in my own twisted world without realizing it
As it drowns me, pulling me with its current to the darkness of my tainted mind
Its just a matter of time I might breakdown

Everyday I keep on telling myself be strong, be strong, be strong
stop being insecure, but I don't have the strength to do it
I don't have the courage to tell it to my friends, to my family
I'm dying inside- I want them to see through me
and when I lie - I'm fine they'll believe it without a doubt

I want to share it to the world, but I can't help myself to lie, to push everyone away - I've become a fool
I know it sounds crazy, I myself don't know why
I just want people to realize I need help without me telling them

I want them to save me from my own tainted mind full of insecurities

I want you to save me from my own tainted mind full of insecurities

Can you do it?
Because I can't.
This is my spoken poetry piece... And im not sure if this is correct... This is my first time writing it...
Lost Soul Mar 26
The sun is shinning
We sit in the grass
Your eyes dance as you tell me a story
I could stare at you forever....

We're laughing
I tell you, I love you
Your smile widens
Your lips start to form the same three words to back to me...

Time stops
The sky darkens
Your expression hardens
Your eyes shine no more
Then you stand up and walk away

I'm left alone
The birds stop chirping
The trees no longer whistle
I thought this was bad dream
but I'm still waiting to wake up
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