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Arlene Corwin Nov 2020
Although it may look as if I’m carrying on a one-woman campaign, writing poetry about amputation as I occasionally do, I just want to say that as a recent amputee, having gotten a mysterious sepsis (blood poisoning) and going from a ten fingered person to a three whole, three half fingered person, certain situations that I find myself in set off quirky observations which, as a poet I simply cannot resist setting to meter and rhyme.  

            Shampooing

To those of you who’ve never known
An amputee of any sort -
A few bones short,
Shampooing is, well, interesting,
Challenging, to say the least!
The warming bath with bended knees
The bottle squeezed, the soaping in,
The tender skin on scalp and crown,
Just sitting down!
Each step to get those darned hairs clean.

It takes awhile to go that mile,
But afterwards it’s worth it;
A warming and uplifting gift,
The escapade engaging brain:
A training on a very basic yogic plane.  

Shampooing 11.20.2020 A Sense Of the Ridiculous II;
Nicole Joanne Mar 2015
spring cleaning in the form of blasting your bands music
while i pick up the clothes that smell like him.

spring cleaning in the form of replaying the day I walked away
over and over in my head as if to erase all that happened afterwards.

spring cleaning in the form of taking all the poetry I wrote about you,
and scrambling them up to mean something entirely different.

spring cleaning in the form of endless shampooing,
to rid the touch of your hands from my hair.

spring cleaning in the form of disposing all memories made in winter.

(NJ2015) All Rights Reserved
Phil Mar 2011
Do you have curly hair?
Is the top of your head not bare?
When in the shower, and using shampoo, do you have to take care?
Even when shampooing a mare?
Well then, I have a story to share.

My hair is curly, and it is a Jew Fro.
Its totally badass bro,
And bigger then your big toe.
After this poem, to a party I go.

The Fro is made of little curls,
It doesn’t help get pretty girls,
Hopefully it won’t make them hurl.

Never sticky guarantee
It enlightens me,
And helps with tai chi
Unfortunately I have no key,
What’s worse is Kasper is a DDD.

Every now and then, it gets slicked back by Shoes,
In any way in which we choose.
When the cows see it they all give moos,
I think those kids deserve some *****.
JWU!
Please don’t sue,
Because, I really don’t have a clue.
BOO! Let us surprise you with a dijeridoo.

If left unwashed it gets *****,
Not as bad as a kid named Klappy.
Sometimes he transforms into Slappy,
But if you ask me, the fro makes us all a little happy.
Hopefully, this poem isn’t ******.
Laugh, this is supposed to be funny
Washington needs to wash Obama out of its hair
he's doing more damage the longer he is there
the hair strands are in need of new management
for under Obama they've received much torment

an improvement to the locks will be extra nice
as Washington gets rid of the Obama device
the Congress and Senate can do the shampooing job
which will see the Pres quickly given the fob

Washington will have a lustrous sheen to the tress
when the hairdressers get onto the mess
now is the time to employ good methodology
by washing Washington's hair with ousting technology
anastasiad Apr 2016
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Mary N Jun 2014
I stopped thinking about you constantly
I can now focus on what matters
But
In between shampooing and conditioning my hair
That silent moment on the radio
The moment before finally drifting into sleep
Waiting for the light to turn green
Fast forwarding through the commercials
I still think of you
June 1, 2014
Virginia Kasmi Jun 2017
No matter what I keep coming back to the darkest corner of the wooden table. Only now, I notice a full year has passed. Every day for a year I have been staring at the blank paper right in front of me. It is still white, pure, unchanged.

Have you ever seen a tornado? I stand right in the eye of a tornado, it feels quiet and empty, and so do I. How am I supposed to write down on this piece of paper when I am not even capable of feeling? I feel no pain, nor love, nor joy.

I strongly believe that people do not change just the circumstances do, and so they did. I wanted them to change. I still remember the day I left, every detail. Even the minute I woke up. Seven o’clock in the morning and for the first time I didn’t felt like I needed five more minutes of sleep, as I always do. My heart started racing, I felt the beat in my head and in my stomach. I brushed my teeth for way too long lost in the chaos inside me. It was perfect that no one was home.
I was craving some fresh croissants from the small shop across the street; I still remember how the shop smelled that morning. I ordered croissants for two, made smoothie for two. We made sure the sheets of the bed I had slept in since I was six smelled like salty skin after ***. We took a shower, shampooing each other’s head and fooling around like everything was fine. We smoked a cigarette in silence, knowing words would ruin too much. We said goodbye. I finished packing. My whole life was in that flat, that room, and all I was taking with me was a suitcase. I got dressed and took a look in each room. I knew I was not only about to leave my home, family, my friends and lover behind, I was about to leave the way everything felt back then. I knew nothing would remain the same. I was about to leave behind my life and start a new one.

Now I am going through life like a ghost trying to figure it out. Stuck between past and present. Living now and craving yesterday. Going back to yesterday and not feeling the same way I used to.

It was New Year’s Eve, so I booked a ticket, wanting to go home. My parents had bought a new flat right after I left; it was amazing, but not what I needed. I wanted to finally see and smell something familiar, I had had enough of changes. Everything was new, full and empty at the same time. A lot of material stuff and no memories. Everyone seemed the same, but they weren’t. I had missed too much of their daily basis, great and little moments, I wasn’t there, neither were they.

We were drinking some cheap wine at our favorite place and laughing at nonsense jokes, right in that moment something broke inside of me and pieces of it still break every time little by little. I feel no pain, nor love, nor joy. Maybe that is why I spend so much time collecting pictures, post cards, and old bills back from nights we used to drink our so-called pain away. Or maybe that’s why I watch movies I used to like when I was 16 and silly, maybe just trying to hold on to something that feels like home. I race back to the times when a cigarette wasn’t the solution of my problems, because I just want to be able to feel something again.  

But tell me how is it even possible to stay the same when all we have got is a precious knowledge of self-destruction?
Meridian O'Neill Jul 2016
When you looked at me last November,
I swear to God I saw the devil in your eyes
but I ignored him the way you ignored me for the next month
And that day I got into your pickup truck I thought your eyes grew pure
but you had me fooled and they were as menacing as ever.
I told you about the people who have hurt me and
the first time you ****** me you came too fast
and you were so embarrassed but I didn't care.
You got dressed too quickly and
the second time we did it you kept asking if I was okay,
if I needed you to go slower.
Eventually you had me bent over the sofa in your living room
screaming, "Oh my god"s and breathing into the cushions
and your phone kept ringing and ringing but we didn't care
And one time you bought me breakfast and
pulled two fold-able chairs from the bed of your truck
and we sat on them by a lake and talked about the universe
and I should have known God was warning me when my ankles got covered in ant bites and when I told you, all you did was put the chairs back in your truck
The first time we ever took a shower together you took time shampooing your hair and when it got in my eyes you laughed
I knew you were a fallen angel but holy **** if I could do it again,

**I would.
Pluck Jun 2015
I wonder is thinking about my past obsession my new obsession.
Have you ever wanted to eternally hold someone down, hold them down, stay down, like some type of romantic oppression.
My expressions, she Questions, Lectures me about moving faster than the class, seems loving someone too soon is today's lesson.
See I was just trying to appreciate a blessing, Appreciated it so heavily in fact, i began stressing.
Have you ever gotten something so good, the day it arrived you had already began dreading the day it would leave?
It's like getting the throne and not appreciating the throne, just resenting the fact one day there has to be another Queen.
You can treat good things to well when you're used to washing in pain, shampooing in secrets, and using tears as a rinse.
I think this is the reason why in my Heart she had the throne, she was my Queen before I was even her prince.
Lose your Queen and you're just a Jack, with no way to become a King, no way to ascend, no way to bridge that gap.
So I try fill the space with Jokers, 9s, and 10s even but beauty doesn't Equate strength, & every time I walk a bridge composed of attraction and pleasure my path is sure to collapse.
I'm on a Plane to Oregon & as I wait I realized I was becoming anxious, I'm headed toward a dream, and I'm impatient, rushing the moment rather than taking it all in.
This is when it finally dawned on me that no matter how big a lead i have, I will always have to wait until the fourth quarter to see who truly wins.
Sometimes when you're blessed with someone you have to be patient enough to let the buzzer sound, for your blessing to realize that you yourself are a blessing too.
The most Amazing and beautiful things in life are so fragile because they are life themselves, Admire but don't obsess, touch but don't capture, stand close but not too close, even a fish needs breathing room.

"Premises of a Loss" -Tadashi Pinder
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2017
i like the experience of having a mad
former jewish lady a newly
muslim convert singing her songs
while taking a bath while i'm trying
to take no. 1, 2 & 3 on throne of thrones,
mood no mood, no scented
candles either...
                   it was called self-****
then, it might as well be called self-****
now...
         but then the gladdening
moment of her coming in the evening,
saying something or other,
bu then paying me a compliment
on tending to my bush-wagon that's
a beard...
            i love these extremes -
as a young man i decided to grow long
hair...
        that died...
           then came the ambition for a beard...
now with a beard you can really
forget any ambition to become
a fiddler... or eating raw carrots...
              shampooing and conditioning
is fun...
                mm... scented *****!
       ha ha...
            a beard to a man is like
        dough to a woman...
         to knead it, fiddle it,
                      thinking about that
ancient city of the sight of a chin...
               and the sandpaper fibre of
  5 in the afternoon...
                        god...
      i became such a kid after attaining
mid-20s maturity of actually having
the hair intended to be deemed:
           Bodom.
                      still... she can sing all she wants,
i'll do my no. 1, 2 & 3...
      and then answer the door
one evening and it will still be:
like your beard...
    thanks;
so how does that work,
  i keep my beard you keep your brazilian
wax,
          or is it: you only get a brazilian
wax because i have a beard?
      or, you don the short-hair pixie
fetish i have, you keep
  the ***** dreads, i shave my beard,
and grow my hair long?
or i shave my head,
   grow a beard,
  you get a brazilian, grow some underarm
hair, but at the same time
don a pixie hairstyle?
          i mean... ****...
it's confusing with so many
variations!
Jay earnest May 2020
flies bite me and you,
your body like a slab of ivory
I never wanted to eat ***** more than when I saw your pink and succulent ****; I tongued it as long as I could.  & you smelled like tangerines and berries, but
watching you try on those cute yet gaudy outfits aroused me the most; the fact you trusted my input.
& you shampooing that dark black hair in the tub with the door open, I never saw a greater contrast between light and dark.
I almost felt love,
I almost felt good in this daydream town- as though astrology was real ,  
   and I hung on to your every word like a happy fool, devoid of
    sorrow--- just awaiting a kiss from your lips,
cherry red
Amira Elgohary Feb 2020
His ink is running down your river
Your infinite colors are fighting back
You're traveling into his elastic skin
It's expanding like the universe
You're thrown away
Lonely
Terrified
And there's nowhere else to go.
In his palace of skin
You are shrinking like a doll
Kidnapped and kept in a skin fold
You're shivering
in the youngest corner of his land
Petals of his arms
blossom on your neck
Fishes of his mouth
drown into your stomach
Fires of his woods
ignite your veins.
His ****** eyes
are killing your spiders
His kisses
are showering your sixth sense
Smashing your bare vulnerability
His sweat's shampooing your silver bones
You're locked out your body
You're trapped into his **** castle
Because taking your cloths off on his door
Was a better idea than your skin.
Siege warfare linkedin with aberrant behavior
transpires within me mind,
(not just today December 5th, 2020,
but everyday/365)
warrants depleting stockpile arsenal
constituting exhausting mental health
uprooting deep seated repellent pesky
daunting lost cause.

Overruled by irrational thoughts,
I feebly muster a lame duck
half quacked comeback
(think home team cheering at pep rally)
against analogous figurative agents provocateur
said nemesis bore down hard

upon sense and sense abilities
mine psyche undergoing
blistering, hectoring withering, et cetera
courtesy ghost of Emily Brontë
mailer daemons flitting to and fro,
hither and yon within wuthering heights.

Another necessity Emma gin)
awoke prided prejudice
to confront head on
beastie boy foo fighting (Irish,
no matter genealogy regarding
yours truly Eastern European)
mine talking head housing
private insane asylum.

Incomprehensible thought processes
chronically spin out of control
dictate mandate NOT to wash hair
until at least one week passage of time,
(an arbitrarily chosen number
i.e. seven days convenient block)
even if appearance looks unkempt, slovenly
grungy, et cetera as nirvana seeking guy.

Thus, I readily admit self held hostage,
whereby loopy thought provoking patterns
hopelessly, grimly, futilely find me surrendering
NEVER eradicating down battened ramparts
neurotic, lunatic approved, idiotic
mind mental chattering
babbling jabbering gibberish
housing concocted village people
dead set against shampooing oily locks.

Quite a tussle (think metaphorical hair pulling)
ensues within me scrambled noggin,
whereby pathetic psychotic pummeling
win knows scrimmage
scoring touchdown amidst
teaming muted brouhaha

allowing, enabling, and providing
harmlessly insane nettlesome
pesky skewed notions
ridiculous leeway to predominate
until yours truly USDA
qualified, hashtagged, certified...
as grateful dead among human league.

I generally mean mine mien mental state
moost occasions heavily marinated stupor
long established as external trait
psychologically time tested trooper
impossible mission to kickstart sanity
doppelgänger regularly revisits his soul asylum
hellbent antimatter he cannot vitiate
despite therapeutic laxative merely exhausts

well bred literate smoking doobie brother
eliminating aforementioned pablum
witnessed courtesy one floundering grouper
among plenty of fish schooled
hyphenated (high finned haggled)
burn hushed scaled poem
courtesy one unionised rebellious party pooper.

Spellbound with colossal mental grippe
(i.e. all-consuming figurative cerebral
obsessive compulsive forced membership)
magnetic resonance imagine indicated jagged blip
and/or nsync microscopy
showed telltale genetic authorship

regarding above stated mental health crisis,
whereby Sigmund Freud analyst did flip
lid freeing leeches imported courtesy Philip
Hansel and Gretel a mere slip
o' lass whose nose she always did turnip.
Your needles punctured my *** with finality as I wiggled like a bug
in the dirt while you drank tea from a cup before switchin' to a mug
of dog ****, ****** out by a collie, a poodle, a sack of puke or a pug
runnin' up a level hill backwards while shampooing a velveteen rug
Your needles punctured my *** with finality as I wiggled like a bug
in the dirt while you drank tea from a cup before switchin' to a mug
of dog ****, ****** out by a collie, a poodle, a sack of puke or a pug
runnin' up a level hill backwards while shampooing a velveteen rug
Your needles punctured my *** with finality as I wiggled like a bug
in the dirt while you drank tea from a cup before switchin' to a mug
of dog ****, ****** out by a collie, a poodle, a sack of puke or a pug
runnin' up a level hill backwards while shampooing a velveteen rug
despite entrenched familiar
obsessive compulsive disorder behavior
distracting me courtesy
countless what if scenarios,
particularly before undergoing
voluntary drastic makeover
as iterated in a previous poem,
and briefly recounted here
as foregoing Samson personification
now please don't blame Delilah!

Once the decision made
(two weeks ago
September twenty fifth
two thousand and twenty four)
to finally liberate yours truly (me)
(cue the following
Jean Jacques Rousseau quote)
"Man is born free but everywhere is in chains"
accommodating torture chamber
ala complex edifice,
(albeit invisible) *******

as tangible substitution
for undersized male member
(Sigmund Freud would be smiling)
heavily weighing down mine psyche
from harried styled
uncombed/unbrushed hair
evoking an immediate
message of nonconformity,
at last fixation nipped in the bud
immediately after beautician
rubber banded and scissored

hirsute trademark feature, a characteristic
larded with immense security
unequivocally not only
constituting a major emotional sink,
(but additionally posing environmental danger
as a potential superfund site)
long overdue for cleanup
hyperbole incorporated
to jump/kick start courtesy
tipping figurative hat
to faux generative artificial intelligence,

which amazingly
immediately delivered segway
vis-à-vis refreshing lightness of being
after bird's nest gratefully shucked off
loosed a horde
of dreadlocked exhausting fretfulness
(in addition to a rash of undiscovered biota)
linkedin to catastrophization,
whether the water
would unexpectedly cease flowing
while richly shampooing shock

of prized tangled mane,
or the electricity
would suddenly witness a power outage
disallowing the hair dryer to function
such irrational worries
(despite the unlikelihood
of either unexpected
inconvenience to occur),
nevertheless quite tiresome
sustaining outrageous thought patterns
exacerbated anxiety buzzfeeding

like nattering nabobs of nativity
and undermining peace of mind
when week after week, month after month
finally brought to a screeching halt
such debilitating mental exertion
suddenly ushering deliverance
videre licet a lightness of being,
and immediately allowed,
enabled and provided much
sought after psychological relief
likened to a gust of fresh air,

I vouchsafed to myself and the missus
to abide by much easier to manage
more fashionable impression,
thus swiftly tailored relief arose
once bedraggled unkempt ratty
and infrequently unwashed coiffure
shucked off once and for all,
no matter such drastic similar
transformations of appearance
peppered the life and times
of one long haired pencil necked geek,

whereat hands of time
would elapse bajillion times
inadvertently drawing unwanted attention
to out of vogue nineteen sixties hippy doo
invariable readopted as security blanket
to stave off
uncomfortable risks
foisting interpersonal experiences
upon head and shoulders
of deplorable basket case
unwittingly referenced from Hillary Clinton.
Otherwise titled deep into my fiftieth year of passive aggressive rebellious puberty.

Yes, I chickened out getting a haircut yesterday August twenty seventh two thousand and twenty four as stated in a previous poem before undergoing cataract surgery cause mine deux (mind you) ponytail donation of at least by donating at least eight inches of these straggly tresses to a facility that repurposes cut hair for Children with Hair Loss after getting golden – more specifically brunette imponderable locks lopped off, would still cost me thirty five dollars namely at Salon Nova (situated at west Ridge Pike, Suite A, Royersford, Pennsylvania, 19468) not including a tip, which extra bonus, (would most likely top off the total cost close to fifty dollars, but yours truly best ask this question ahead of time, which monetary fait accompli with scissors might best set my sights until speedy recovery videre licet post cataract surgery.

Sacrilegious transgression against deeply rooted obsessive compulsive disorder impossible mission to forcibly eject from out my psyche, until drastic measure of prefrontal lobotomy or Electroconvulsive therapy employed courtesy a thirteen year old.

Siege warfare (trumpeting)
average joe biden his time
linkedin with aberrant behavior
transpires within me mind,
(not just today August 27th, 2024,
but everyday/365)
warrants depleting stockpile arsenal
constituting exhausting mental health
uprooting deep seated repellent pesky
daunting lost cause.

Overruled by irrational thoughts,
I feebly muster a lame duck
half quacked comeback
(think home team cheering at pep rally)
against analogous figurative agents provocateur
said nemesis bore down hard
upon sense and sense abilities
mine psyche undergoing
blistering, hectoring withering, et cetera
courtesy ghost of Emily Brontë
mailer daemons flitting to and fro,
hither and yon within wuthering heights.

Another necessity Emma gin)
awoke prided prejudice
plus sense and sensibility
to confront head on
after trimming back the tresses
beastie boy foo fighting (Irish,
no matter genealogy regarding
yours truly Eastern European)
mine talking head housing
private insane asylum.

Incomprehensible thought processes
chronically spin out of control
dictate mandate NOT to wash hair
until at least one week passage of time,
(an arbitrarily chosen number
i.e. seven days convenient block)
even if appearance looks unkempt, slovenly
grungy, et cetera as nirvana seeking guy.

Thus, I readily admit self held hostage,
whereby loopy thought provoking patterns
hopelessly, grimly, futilely find me surrendering
NEVER eradicating down battened ramparts
neurotic, lunatic approved, idiotic
mind mental chattering
babbling jabbering gibberish
housing concocted village people
dead set against shampooing oily locks.

Quite a tussle (think metaphorical hair pulling)
ensues within me scrambled noggin,
whereby pathetic psychotic pummeling
win knows scrimmage
scoring touchdown amidst
teaming muted brouhaha
allowing, enabling, and providing
harmlessly insane nettlesome
pesky skewed notions
ridiculous leeway to predominate
until yours truly USDA
qualified, hashtagged, certified...
as grateful dead among human league.

I generally mean mine mien mental state
moost occasions heavily marinated stupor
long established as external trait
psychologically time tested trooper
impossible mission to kickstart sanity
doppelgänger regularly revisits his soul asylum
hellbent antimatter he cannot vitiate
despite therapeutic laxative merely exhausts
well bred literate smoking doobie brother
eliminating aforementioned pablum
witnessed courtesy one floundering grouper
among plenty of fish schooled
hyphenated (high finned haggled)
burn hushed scaled poem
courtesy one unionised rebellious party pooper.

Spellbound with colossal mental grippe
(i.e. all-consuming figurative cerebral
obsessive compulsive forced membership)
magnetic resonance imaging
indicated jagged blip
and/or nsync microscopy
showed telltale genetic authorship
regarding above stated mental health crisis,
whereby Sigmund Freud analyst did flip
lid freeing leeches imported courtesy Philip
Hansel and Gretel a mere slip
o' lass, whose nose she always did turnip.
Your needles punctured my *** with finality as I wiggled like a bug
in the dirt while you drank tea from a cup before switchin' to a mug
of dog ****, ****** out by a collie, a poodle, a sack of puke or a pug
runnin' up a level hill backwards while shampooing a velveteen rug
Move over & stand aside, I'm spoiling for a fight because no ******
better ever mess with my sacred L.P.G.A. right to dig up Gay Saget
who loved herself on a bus to show the driver her puffy-girl maggot
exuding suave debonair air
plus head and shoulders taller
(than the empire state building -
hey what's a little hyperbole, eh?)
since September eleventh
two thousand and twenty four,
which date marked a major change
(yes folks - more important
than getting married)

during threescore and two years
incorporating mein kampf
voluntarily (and without bribery,
but with liberty and justice for all)
to maintain a scheduled appointment
at Salon Nova,
an upscale hair cutting/styling boutique
located at 377 W Ridge Pike A,
Limerick, Pennsylvania 19468.

This recently unkempt
aging married sexagenarian
and solitudinarian sultan of swing
long haired pencil neck geek
self adopted behavior modification
particularly regarding maintaining
personal hygiene of mine
woke as if from somnambulant state
and kept promise to himself.

About twelve inches of brown tresses
got cut off courtesy in a small number
of fell swoops videre licet,
whereby the beautician
amazingly gracefully brandished scissors and brush
immediately creating lightness of being
which locks of brunette strands
tinged with gray
got donated to a charity
that repurposes hair

into wigs for various
and sundry purposes,
thus empowered
to contribute a part of myself
that will grow back -
(yet... I WILL NOT GO BACK
thank you Kamala Harris for birthing phrase
TO PRESENTING SLOVENLY APPEARANCE)
in gentle waves
cascading down to my knees
as happened umpteen times

during mein kampf,
the first instance
of revolutionary physical transformation
occurred when yours truly
a mere stripling of a pubescent teen
receiving psychiatric treatment
from Ted Goldberg,
(who prescribed both mellaril and elavil),
and he patiently nursed psyche of mine
severely afflicted with anorexia nervosa

in tandem with
obsessive compulsive disorder
tied with exaggerated fixation with hair,
which characteristic donning my noggin
became the most important reason for living,
I would sooner have died than get a haircut,
(spoiler alert, I did not die nor **** myself),
yet interestingly enough
he accompanied me
to a local barber in Collegeville,

who did the deed done dirt cheap,
yet I invariably returned to being
a long haired pencil neck geek
plodding along the boulevard of broken dreams,
where according to Fiona Apple
The Idler Wheel Is Wiser
Than the Driver of the *****
and Whipping Cords Will Serve You
More Than Ropes Will Ever Do.

All kidding aside,
said voluntary makeover undertaken
cause unnecessary emotional energy
and quite a chunk of time
invested lavishly shampooing hirsute pate,
and subsequently applying blow dryer
to fluff up ample mane,
that gnarly retched ma tailbone - ha!

Another significant reason
spurring long overdue decision
to present a handsome chap,
albeit modesty prevents excessive
self adulation, ******* (not premature),
ego inflation, amplitude
and attitude modulation of same
to disallow being snickered at
as if I happen to be from Mars.

Sorry keeping a figurative straight face
impossible mission for this word punster,
jokester, and grandmaster without a super plan.

Yours truly (me) made long overdue transition
from schlep to mensch

— The End —