He lays within my mind almost dorment everyday and chooses when to come out to send my mood the other way. When everthing is going well I'm chemically content, he comes out makes my brain dry all my seretonins spent. He changes skies from light to dark puts weight upon my chest. I have to take deep breaths to keep my heartbeat at its best. I am forced to quiz the point of life frightening thoughts come flooding back, The memories of all my good times I then start to lack. He may stay there for a few months maybe a few days. This all depends if my minds tricked by what the false man says. I battle with this evil man and think of what ive got, thinking of all the good things in my life the ones that I'd forgot. The good mood then starts flooding back, the dark skies turn to light. Ive won the seretonin slayer there in all his might. The point of life this now returns with happiness, a smile. Im scared to think how long this will last it may still only be a short while. He will be back to slay my seretonin pool the same, I will summon up some positive power to beat him at his game.    M.j.d

That rush,
my heart pumping,
fear birthing excitement.
A needle
filled with dreams of bliss
complete relief for a slice of your life.
The taboo nature,
intentionally inflicting harm on oneself
paralleled by intentionally inflicting happiness on oneself.
A spoon,
a lighter,
a cotton swab.
So unsure of myself,
my heart rate accelerates,
my hair stands at attention,
the rubber haults circulation,
I search for a stream,
my brown medicine turns crimson,
the pressure of my thumb,
I remove the dam blocking my river and.
My eyes roll.
My body goes numb.
Seretonin overload.
I float back,
and fall into my bliss.
Hours of ecstasy.
I will always be a prisoner to
that rush.

Cicadas hum quietly,
amongst the summer choir.
Locked doors,
birds on their wire's.
Keep from harm's way,
but thorted by desire-
Blinds colored gray
block out humanity.

These dreams speak to me through insanity,
a tv plays white noise,
my mind is in calamity.
As nightmares creep in through my eyelids,
amid the darkness of this quiet house.

This is my Strauss-
wooden floors entirely silent,
the thoughts inside are violent.
Recalling Baptist Hospital.
No cart rhythmically on call,
a nurse alloting me two pearls to swallow.

Making the sea of seretonin flow,
making happiness through my body grow.
Tonight,
I take my trazadone
no longer resembling a pearl,
my toes curl.
At the bitter taste,
following the nightmares that make haste
to follow me to bed,
praying I don't wake up dead.