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Long lost boi May 2019
It is selfish that I
Don’t want to let you go
That I don’t want you to leave
To ruin what I thought
Would be a happy marriage
For you and me
It’s selfish of me
To hold onto my love
That I give to you
That I’m stuck and don’t
Even know what to do
It is selfish of me to not give up
To not quit
On someone that I love
It is selfish of me
That I can’t seem to let you fly
That I’m a ball and chain
And the freedom is that other guy
It’s selfish of me
To get caught in my emotions
And overthink things
When you try your hardest

But it’s selfish of you
To let me live a lie
To hide that other guy
To ruin my heart and made me cry
It’s selfish of you to not tell me the truth
No matter how much it hurt
I was always honest to you
It’s selfish of you
To have his pictures in your phone
To have even kissed him
And said you would never hurt him at all
While you stabbed me and I had no clue
You put a noose around me
And waited for me to lose
It’s selfish of you
To have even called him baby
To have given him hope
When you were still with me
It’s seems this marriage was a joke
To you and him
You both laughed behind my back
And when I caught you
You both were a deer
And my anger the headlights

It’s selfish of me
To think about all the other stuff
When you completely shut him out
It’s selfish of you
To want to leave me
When you don’t even have a clue
Of what you want to do

We’re both selfish and I can see
But I want you to love me
I don’t want you to be lost
I’ll probably leave you once you’re healing is done
Because I am not lost
But my love?
Where does it lie?
Because at a point
Your loved lied
With that other guy
Ayeshah Nov 2014
You've said and I'd have to agree

I refuse to let you do anything to me,
Selfish ......

Why because
I refuse to spread wide & let you
**** me then leave?

You've expressed to others


I can be,

I wont give in to your deceit,

I refuse
to allow you any sympathy
when it comes to

your fuckery

your an
infectiousness diseases...


cause I wont be

subdued with all

the lies and ways
you mistreat me,

all the game playing,

trying to scheme

fake me out,
while you try to
make me lay out

my cards,

ya stupid cheat,


because I've told you

I Wasn't Ready

I'm calling your bluff,
Your not so tough,

Ya sort of funny papi

Your always trying to knock me,

wishing to cause havoc and bring me down again.




I'm so

because I'll put my children

all of them before you,

I've placed my walls back up

wont allow you to climb em

I've changed my mind

more than once it's cause

of something you've done...

You've got me rethinking
being up on this pedal-stool
I'd rather you stop shaking it

I can get down

but you'd rather see me fall.



*of me- right

I'd rather not have to fight,

I don't like being put down,

Specially ya
small jabs

about my mental

the many excuses

you've come to make

time and time again

You've dismissed

my past and all

the bad that's trapped me,
You make fun of me
for having PTSD
& D.I.D.

You've said and I'd have to agree



cause I don't want to do this,

I don't need another man's

to abuse,
or for you to
use  and beat me

I'd rather be

then to take care of another drunk

or man with any type of addiction,

even if you're addictions me.

I'll be


I guard all that's dear to me

You've already

tried to cause me so much pain

dressed it up and called it love

but I wasn't fool to your game.



Is it because,

I didn't let you in

well not as much

as you'd like me to,

Naw papi

it's because
can't just pop into my life

then try to take it over.

SORRY *******

You can't mistreatment

and abuse me

than bring me flowers

cards or candy,

You can't rock my body

then dismissively

treat me like

I'm worthless....

But it's me

whose so *******


I've said it long ago
Oh how he thinks


"His Type"

Well that's not true
baby you've made it

so **** clear

I'm nothing.


a *****,

a **** & a ****...

A *****

even though

You've apologized

each and every time

words left your lips,

not right away

but you've done it
I refuse to forgive you

over and over

each time you've

repeated ya crimes...

No way could
I allow you back
you showed you'd
do it
again and again,

and if
BIG ******* IF,
if I allowed it

which I wont-
not anymore and never again
its because  
you've said it

if you cant


well  baby
I'll help you





*Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present
eden Sep 2020
just remember
every time you touch her
she will feel warm
because it's you, after all

every time you press
your wet tongue into hers
she will melt
again and again
over and over
because it's you, after all

who makes her mind spin
who makes her heart beat
out of her chest
who holds her and
holds her
who makes her feel so safe,
but then so sick and so sad
who hasn't left her mind
since you left her bed

she couldn't take it so
she put her mess of a brain
into the keyboard

she asked you last night
what it was you wanted from her
it was 2 am
but she needed an answer
is it ***? is it love?
I told you, I told you
I can't be one of your girls you ****
and I can't be your girlfriend
so what do you want?

I can't tell anymore
what is real and what isn't
I can't tell
if you are just pretending
to care for my body
or if you genuinely mean it when you say
you miss me
and you love me
and it just

it isn't fair to make me crave you like this
she pleaded with the sky
for the millionth ******* time
and you told her

you wanted her by your side
you wanted her
for the rest of your life
more than a girlfriend,
more than the ***,
you wanted her forever
you wanted her
to be the one who is there
to help raise your two month old
and to have children of your own with her someday
when her blood is a little cleaner,
you said

you told her you were sorry
you told her you were selfish
selfish for wanting her
selfish for even thinking it

it never needs to happen
but you would always want it
you said

selfish boy
have you ever stopped to think that,

maybe she wants you too?
you're selfish, well
maybe she needs you to be
maybe she's begging you
please be selfish with me

because I swear to you
she remembers
every touch and every kiss
she remembers
how it felt
every single time you held her
as she was falling apart,
leaking out of her
sad, empty eyes
till she gets all the hurt out
and you lift her chin and
she melts into you
she feels dizzy
and she laughs
because it's you, after all

maybe she wants it too
maybe she's selfish too

she won't admit it to you but,
she's selfish too
so she asks again

do you really want that?


something snapped in her chest
in that moment

then make it happen!
don't confuse me!
don't mess with my head and
have a baby with someone else and
then use your sweet sweet words
on me because, ******
if you care about me that much
if you love me like you say you do
then keep your distance for now
and when you're ready
really ready
to be with me,
tell me then
don't play this sick game with me
i can't stand it

she won't shrink herself
to fit into your world
she needs you to prove to her
that you deserve to have her
and that you'll keep her

be selfish with her
better yourself so that you can
protect her like she longs for you to do
be selfish with her
so that you can love her
and you can feel her
without the disconnect

selfish boy
don't you know?
she's selfish too
she loves you.

selfish boy
don't you remember?
every time you touch her
she will feel warm

and she will miss the warmth
until the day she dies
until you mean what you said
and your
sweet sweet words become
she will miss the warmth
until that day
you take her
away from this place
i miss you everyday
AngelAutumn4 Aug 2018
Selfish little savior,
Cares too much for them,
Selfish little savior,
Who keeps it locked within.

Selfish little savior,
Who takes on all their woes,
Selfish little savior,
Or so the record shows.

Selfish little savior,
Who makes himself feel good,
Selfish little savior,
Who never understood.

Selfish little savior,
Who writes these empty words,
Selfish little savior,
In hopes of finding worth.

Selfish little savior,
Who always sits alone,
Selfish little savior,
Taking for his own.

Selfish little savior,
Finds meaning in the pain,
Selfish little savior,
Plays his little game.

Selfish little savior,
Who knows of little else,
Selfish little savior,
Helps others for himself.
Amanda Kyara May 2014
You say that me shutting you out is selfish
but lets talk about being selfish

Is it not selfish of you
to constantly demand me to
open up to you when I don't
want to talk about it?

Is it not selfish of you
to ask me to change my ways
just so that you don't have to
deal with my problems

Is it not selfish of you
to keep me here in misery
while I'm suffering and you
won't let me go

Is it not selfish of you
to ignore my problems
as if they were not important
and you don't care

So please don't call me selfish,
when in reality I should be calling you selfish
Rachael Judd May 2016
They told me I was selfish
Cause I had a bullet pressed to my head
With my name on it
They told me I was selfish
Cause I had a knife pressed against my thigh
They told me I was selfish
Cause my legs were bleeding
And I was screaming
They told my I was selfish
Cause my heart wouldn't stop hurting
They told me I was selfish
Cause my bones were aching
They told me I was selfish
Cause my note said I was leaving
They told me I was selfish
Cause they begged me to stay
They told me I was selfish
Cause I needed to go away
They told me I was selfish
I'm selfish
I can't bare to see you in the arms of another
I'm selfish
I crave the taste of your tongue
I'm selfish
I need your arms wrapped around me tight
I'm selfish
I hold you back from what you could become
I'm selfish
I won't let this end
I'm sorry
I'm too selfish to let you move on.

Alexander K Opicho
(Eldoret, Kenya;

Nothing is wrong with selfish education;
Career is an important part of a good life
Much of human life over the years
Is devoted to career acquisition
In oblivion of poetical wisdom
Philosophy does not make it any easier,ok
For apothecaries to remove a prostate gland;
Apothecarical education is long, arduous and dear in cost
Never temper it with apparent irrelevance
But poetical wisdom soothes the tools
Helps apothecaries to volite in dilemma
Poetical wisdom is essential for apothecary’s work
Without it; apothecary tells a mother-to-be
Your baby will be a dwarf dwarfishly
The apothecary explains the mother’s options yet in fault
Since it takes more than just knowledge of genetics
Since it requires an understanding of suffering,
Of disappointment and puerperal attachment
Apothecary tell a daughter but in sham; that
Your mother’s life support needs to be removed
It takes more than just knowledge of physiology
It too requires an understanding of emotional loss
A casualty room apothecary goofs to avoid despair
When faced with a baby battered nearly to death
By its own zinjathropus father
Such horror requires a faith in humanity
That cannot be learned in the selfish education
It’s not just apothecaries absolute
To benefit from a broader learning
It is but entire humanity
Studying drama would no help financiers
Devise capricious financial parasites
That doomed the world into financial mire
But, if they were familiar with Faust,
They may have thought twice about
The consequences of their vice,
Being able to sing from Shelley’s poems
Will not help politicians get elected
Carousing Ozymandias might make them more humble
And thoughtful about their accomplishments
Rupert Murdoch might not now be shaking his head
And whining; how I wish I new
Instead, he were to echo Shakespeare’s words
About how easy it is to be; done to death by a slanderous tongue,
I sing this poem in a crouch in the twilight
Around the world as my audience
Behold poetic eyebrows of my comrades,

A generation of humanity familiar poetical kingdoms
Of history, philosophy and literature is a wonderful vision
Doubts not that reading Goethe
And Shelley and Shakespeare guarantees wisdom
You are correct, kudos to you,

Reading, by itself, won’t make anyone a sage
Experience is a pertinent Florence
As Odysseus learns on his journey back to Ithaca,
Important lessons can only be learned the hard way
Through bitter experience, perhaps has a change,

Youth start out with ***, drugs, rock and roll
With experience they eventually emotions decadence
In calm appreciation that; nothing to excess,

Tragic exceptions like poor Amy Wine house;
Only serve to prove the rule, there is a problem,

Ergo, Experience alone cannot guarantee wisdom
Any more than reading books can
The lessons of life are only available
To those who are ready to learn them
If wisdom is the goal, then humanity must walk 10,000 miles,
To read 10,000 books
Said 17th century Chinese philosopher, GU Yanwu
Becoming wise requires more than set of adventures
But a cultured mind that is open and liberal
Readily able to absorb the lessons that experience teaches
Pasteur famously said that; Chance favours the prepared mind
Our job as learning humanity is to take his words seriously
Prepare mankind to learn from experience,

Humanity is to go beyond selfish education
To learn colours of hope in the poetical wisdom;
Life, death, tragedy, love, beauty, courage, loyalty
All of these are omitted from selfish education
yet, when it comes time to sum up our lives,
They are the only things that ever go places,

Catholic priesthood ever admonishes the flocks;
Thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return
A salutary reminder of what we all have in waiting f
Like the Preacher in the Ecclesiastes;
We spend our years trying to find some meaning in our lives
It is easy to fall into the bottomless pit
Life is tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing
But before humanity reaches Macbeth’s conclusion,
We must provide with the poetical glory
Musing fortunately as all humanities is anxious
There is a thirsty for poetical wisdom
Which parochial selfish education cannot quench,

There ought to be a list of great poetical works
From east, west, north and south of the world
Globalectically Nursing poetic urge of the earth
With which every piece of humanity should suckle
In wisdom that Books have the power to convey wisdom,

From these poetical sources that humanity learn about love
And loss, about memory and desire,
About loyalty and duty,
About our world and love-bound universe
And about what it means to be a human being
Abbigail Jan 2014
Selfish are the weak lovers

Selfish is she for praying to die before him
to avoid the pain of losing him

Selfish is he for stealing her innocence
Selfish is he for making her so comfortable with it

Selfish is she for expecting as much love as she gives
when she knows that it's too much to really bear

Selfish is he for feeding her so many kind words
and meaning them
when there was a chance they could only be temporary

Selfish was she when she was so angry
she let him wonder if she was leaving

Selfish were both for staying, for loving, for
needing, for touching, for promising,
when he knew she deserved better
when she knew he deserved better
Star Girl Dec 2013
It's been a while,
since I've thought about killing myself.
Almost a year probably...
Today though,
I was awoken to my mother yelling at me for taking off a ring,
and leaving it at my grandmothers.
This ring may or may not be lost now.
And now I am sure I have lost another ring for the exact same reason.
Because of the shower and a dislike for wearing jewelry in the shower.
I also don't like cleaning my room.
It's a pain.
It's my space.
Let it be a wreck.
I did do the few things in college I said I would never do.
I slacked off. I goofed off. I messed up.
So my mother took her anger and just spewed everything she thought of me.
I'm not saying she's not a fit mother.
It changes things when you know how people see you.
Most everything else, implied.
Those words, are quotes.

Though at the end, I woke up searching for lost items.
Realizing found attributes, that I would have never put together.
My messy room is a direct relationship to my own self worth.
"Slobbish" attributes mean that you think low of yourself, and are selfish.
So all you teenage boys, sorry to think you're self worth is low as well.
Forgetting a ring and not rushing to get it because you just felt it would be safe.
That one I still don't understand.
She kept asking, why I took it off.
And I always take it off when I get ready.
So if you ever take off an important ring for any reason, and leave it somewhere,
thinking it will be safe.

And because I'm a dramatic one,
once my mother left for the day.
I thought
If I'm so selfish, I'll just **** myself
If I'm so selfish, I can just die.
Because at the end of the day, suicided is the most selfish act you can commit.

I'm not saying I'm going to do it.
I'm to lazy.
That takes effort.
It would mean I cared about what was said.

Obviously I can't.
Self Centered,
No Self Worth,

So yes,
It's been a while since I thought about suicide.
But since I'm selfish...
Should I think of it more?
Since it's been a while...
Bianca Hodge Jun 2015
I can't do it! I can't stand the fact that you might not return.
I can't stand the fact of burying you six feet under ground, and at the end of the day all they can do is hand me flag.
Don't get me wrong we all go one day, but I'm selfish, I want you all to myself!
I cant allow you to go fight in wars for such a corrupt world, because at the end of the day there no difference has been made.
So yes I will be selfish, because I want my kids to have there father near.
I will be selfish, because I can not bear sleeping alone.
I will be selfish because you're my word, my lover and my friend.
I will be selfish, because my world will stop and I will crash just knowing you don't exist anymore.
I WILL BE SELFISH! Because I love you will all my heart, you're my happiness and you're my strength, and you always brightens up my day.
So yes I will be selfish because I cant stand to see you put on that uniform, and go far away and wondering in the back off my head will you ever return.
Taylor Jul 2011
To be selfish as a child was to be naïve and unaware.
When I sat in the corner and tried to learn the ways of the world,
Struggle with what little philosophy I thought I knew.
Just six years old then and already losing myself.
I asked, "Does everyone else feel, or are they just here for my entertainment?"
That got me a smack from my mother, and forever kept my mouth shut.
Not once again did I share my wonders with her.

And older I got, wallowing in my selfish ways.
Grade school lunch room was where I practiced that awful sin.
Just two cookies was all I ate,
When just one I'd be fine with.
Genny there needed it more than me.  
But selfish I was, though it was just a little thing,
But a little thing was big enough to get a talking to from my mother.

Here I am now, still younger then all of you,
In ways I'm the same six year old losing myself.
Selfish thoughts I still think,
Never voiced but one.
I ask myself, "But who would really care if I ended my life?"
But then I hear my mother's voice,
"Selfish fool, my life would be nothing if it wasn't for you. I don't have enough tears for all I'd need to cry."
Yet selfish I remain, I still think those selfish thoughts.
Though I try to do good, I try to be unselfish,
But the devil has an interesting way of wrapping up death and serving it on a silver platter.
We are selfish
Because we think this world is ours.
It is ours to run
It is ours to cherish
It is ours to ruin
Because we think that flowers are beautiful
We pick them, we pluck them
As if they bloom for us
Because we think birdsong is charming
We imitate it
We sell it, we listen to it
As if they sing for us
Well we are selfish
I am selfish
You are selfish
Don't deny it
We are all selfish
We are all human
We are all the same
Aren't we?
My Freedom May 2015
I was suicidal
They said I was selfish
Wanting to die
I was not selfish
I was
Anything would've been better
Even oblivion
I couldn't help it
Wanting to die
It's not selfish
It's pain
Pain is not selfish
It's not selfish
It's no light
No hope
No way out
It's not selfish
It's dead
Personal experience
b e mccomb May 2017
we were two
hands wound
tight as we got
our first tattoos

and last week i
was the arm
stained with
your tears

(the last time i remember
seeing you cry was the
night last summer when i told
you i was planning to die
and you told me it was
selfish but you needed me)

it's not selfish to need
someone its selfish to
think you're strong enough
to make it all alone

oh you
are so

but sometimes we need
someone to give permission
to let us be weak and i know
that for you i am that someone
and for me you
are that someone

yet i'm sorry that i am
not always so strong

(and now comes the point
in the poem where i feel
guilty for a few stanzas
but we both already know
that part by heart so
this time i'll skip it)

a long time ago you
fell off the face of
the earth and i still
don't exactly know where
you went but there are parts
to every long and somewhat
dark story that eventually
become so hazed over with
dust and grime it's better to
forget them entirely

but i wrote you a letter
and i don't remember
what i wrote and i don't
know if it changed anything

but i know after that
you came back and
i don't know much
but i know maybe

you didn't need me
to have the answers
you just needed me
to be out there somewhere

i can't promise you
perfection or
good advice or
stability or
anything helpful
like that

but that's okay
because i'm human
and i can't promise you
i won't cry but i
promise you i'm not
going anywhere

our relationship
lasts because
it is both
selfish and selfless

(you told me asking
someone having a
panic attack to "breathe
for me" triggers guilt
which causes them to
be willing to do it
for the other person
i know it works because
you've walked me out of
enough panic attacks
and because sometimes
i'm over here staying
alive because i know you
need me to which is probably
selfish for both of us but
it's working so hey)

and staying alive is
the hardest and in the end
most selfish thing
i've ever done but
for you i'll try.
Copyright 5/2/17 by B. E. McComb
Words by T Jul 2017
Ive written the note
I'm ready to take the pills
Only to be told that what I'm doing is

Apparently it is selfish to commit suicide as you do not think of those
that you leave behind.
People clearly don't understand
The meaning behind suicide.

Yes you are leaving people behind
But it is not like you did not think of them
That is why I cried while writing the note
I cried while I thought of my mom at my funeral

To those that think suicide is selfish -
They should think of how selfish
it is to drive people into such a deep depression
That the only way to make it stop is to end their life

I'm not selfish
I'm selfless
As the world is a better place
Without me
Allyson Walsh Jan 2016
Late last night I had an epiphany. It could have been the cereal or the Siberia-like weather talking, but I had a newfound realization. It really was late. Late nights are great for overanalyzing. I could have been doing just that. Yet, this morning, I was reminded of my revelation.

You and I live in a generation full of selfishness. Narcissism in relationships, in particular.

That was it. That was my epiphany. Maybe I'm just late coming into the game. Maybe everyone around me made this connection before. But I hadn't.

I am patient. I like to think it's a positive quality of my personality. But, my patience tends to roll over into being a push-over. And all of the men I have been with treated me as such. Many of them used me for their selfish advantages.

Before I start ranting on and on and give you the backstory of each of my relationships, I want you to know that I'm focusing on what ended the relationship, or what caused the downfall. It was selfishness.

But, it wasn't outright selfishness. It was narcism in disguise.

Every "break up" conversation from his side started off with an "I'm sorry". Then, he would give me a bunch of half-hearted reasons as to why things weren't working out. Finally, he would end with an "I'm doing this for me."

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about being there for yourself. Sometimes, we need to find out who we are as a person. That exploration can be muddled when you're pursuing something new.

But as I was letting the cereal digest and watching the ice form on my windows, I finally realized it. Many men of this generation are selfish. Selfish to the point of self-sabotage.

Within the last year, I've briefly and not-so-briefly dated three men. These were their break-up lines:

Man #1. "This is the year I start getting into my major. I feel like I need to figure myself out. I'm doing this for me. I need this."

Man #2. "I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have tried to get into a relationship with someone right before I was headed back to school. I need to do this for me. I need to be able to figure myself out."

Man #3. "I've always felt trapped in Minnesota. I need to go to Arizona for me. I don't have time for you. I can't focus on a relationship right now. I need to focus on my life, my job, and my schooling, for me."

You might be reading this and thinking that I'm great at whining. I'm just a girl who's bitter, burnt out, or hurt over what once was. You might be thinking that I choose all the wrong guys; that I'm prone to "bad guys". But I'm none of those things.

All three of these men were different. All three came from different backgrounds, different states, were various ages, had various personalities, and different interests. Man #1 was shy to the nth degree. Man #3 was extremely outgoing. Man #2 was well-off. Man #3 worked a minimum-wage job and scraped by. Man #1 was an athlete at heart. Man #3 loved metal and Netflix. Every man was different... yet they all had one similar commodity.

They were selfish.

Each one asked himself, "what am I getting out of this? What's in it for me?"

Maybe I was intimate with them. Maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was the one with the car or the finances. Maybe I wasn't. The situations were different in each of the three relationships. So, I have a feeling that none of these factors influenced each man's decision.

They were selfish. That's the only way I can pinpoint the end of each relationship down.

I'm not saying that all men are dogs. I'm not even saying "To hell with men!" Although, a part of me understands that relationships weren't meant to be viewed with this mentality. The whole, "what's in it for me?" forefront is the exact opposite of what a relationship should be.

And that's where my conclusion stops. I've finally realized that many men of this age are egocentric... but I don't know what to do about it. I now know what I don't want in a relationship. Now, I can see the red flags clearly. But I'm unsure of where things are headed.

What I do know is that I won't settle for selfishness. I won't settle for a man who wants to know what he can "get" out of a relationship. I won't settle for a man who puts half of his heart into something and keeps the other half for himself.

I will wait for someone who is willing to ask himself what he can do for me... not what I can do for him. I will wait for someone who will put all of himself into a relationship. I will wait for someone who will leave his selfish mentality behind and put me first. I will wait.

Sure, no man is perfect. You might be thinking that I've put my standards too high. But I deserve high standards. I deserve to be looked at as rare, beautiful, and treasured. I wasn't meant to be cast to the side for selfish reasons; for "finding myself" or "doing this for me".

I was meant for more, and I won't settle for anything less.
For myself.

Not poetry. This may be my last longer "essay" or "letter" piece for a while.
SM Apr 2014
Selfish needs
holding on
to old words
What could they ever mean now

Selfish deeds
to justify staying the night
by your side
What more could become of this

Selfish love
I am to blame
Molly Apr 2014
You called me selfish.
For a long time I felt guilty,
until I turned you from a victim
into a villain.

As the anger has faded
from the lights of an ambulance
into the dull, neon red glow of an
emergency exit sign,
I have begun to realize that

you saw me as the bad guy, too.
You probably still do,
and maybe I am selfish,
and maybe I want to apologize,

but what if they're all right
and you were just trying to
get me to say sorry?
What if you're just dying to
see me come crawling back to you?
I don't want you to think
I need you,
because I don't,

but I'm not selfish,
and I don't want you to think so.
SM Jun 2014
Selfish needs
holding on
to old words
What could they ever mean now

Selfish deeds
to justify staying the night
by your side
What more could become of this

Selfish love
I am to blame
dandelion Dec 2012

My love,
what is your schedule like tomorrow?
do you have time to say "i love you"?
do you have time to get my birthday presents?
to remember it's our anniversary?

My love,
is it too much trouble
to step away from the television?
I know you love your re-runs,
but I can be entertaining too

My love,
did you forget?
when you thought I was beautiful?
when you appreciated me?
when you wanted to make me smile?

My love,
wouldn't you agree?
that no one has ever given you as much as me?
that my happiness is just as important as yours?
that I at least deserve your honesty?

My love,
I'm sure you're right
facebook, sportscenter, warcraft, television
they deserve your time and attention
after all, I am only comfortable and convenient

My love,
Don't worry
I understand
we all need a warm body
to use when we need a hand.
Marion Jul 2017
fourth day without prozac and i can feel the ancient thoughts of 'pre-medication' time settling themselves back into the holes they chewed out of my brain.
writing this about myself makes me feel selfish. a part of me is telling myself that i am me and all i am is Me meaning my thoughts consist mostly of me but the part of me that had moved back in after being evicted is shouting
'selfish, self absorbed'
and I am confused
because if i am being Me- and me being my thoughts- is selfish
does that mean that I am selfish? Therefore, I am unworthy? Of what, the dusty thoughts are shaking themselves and reminding me exactly what it is i am not worth and i begin to feel ill because it has been so long and now all these first person pronouns are making me (again) feel conflicted i have to use them in order to write my thoughts but my thoughts are telling me not to and i am confused i do not want to be ME i feel as if i'm going mad and i want to dissociate completely but i hate it but i also dont and these stupid pronouns are something so simple yet they are making me lose control and i hate myself why cant I control Myself
I Me Myself My
something i wrote in my notebook at midnight, ,the closest i have ever come to embodying my thoughts
Heather Valvano Aug 2014
she only ever wants to play
she pushes them all away
she sets the stage
and pulls the puppet strings
but no one can touch hers
and when she gets bored
she packs up her playthings and goes home

selfish she
is plastic
without a heart
selfish she
is toxic
leaving her mark

a levy of limbs
a boudoir of bones
selfish she
plays her game
never lonely
but always alone

she only ever wants to play
she pushes them all away
selfish she
laughs as she breaks her dolls
Popleocan Sep 2018
I am selfish

Loneliness clenches her arms around my chest.
As my breath beats my friends away i will claim to do my best.

I am selfish

My expectations are in space where every path is up.
My rocket in orbit, is my obsessive love.
Launching my heart with fire as i request a dreadful trade.
A crusade,
To recieve your heart fully just the same.
It's insane.

To even ask these things.

I graciously give my heart away.
For no gain.

I am selfish

I know my worst sin.
The monsters clawing at my skin.
With razors for fingers.
With guns at my chin.
I weakly whimper in pain.
As my torture begins.
Every day selfishly,
I want to give in.

My chest becomes fire.
My eyes become ice.
My head is now smoke so i can't breathe quite right.

But i am selfish.

I am ******.

I won't accept every helping hand.
I always give what I demand.
And when it gets hard.
I make darker plans.

I am selfish
My worst sin of all.
No matter my struggle,
Is I can't help it.
Tommy Johnson Dec 2013
You can hear the voices of our peers being silenced, ignored, shunned and distorted.
Staggering out of their bedroom doorways to the street corner to score a dime bag.
Bright, insightful millennials freezing in search of warmth from something to believe in that will encourage them to look forward to see another day.
Where our economy has made financial prudence clear when talking about education, yet price tags of university tuition's skyrocket.
The refused, the ones with hope but no money or scholarships; tread the streets with the echoes of electro house pulsing in their skulls.
Those who strip themselves down and shred their own morals to scraps just to find themselves and to see their own limitations.
Searching for answers to the unknown, to ascertain what they are, who they are and why.
Timid in high school, pushed along with nothing and no one to put their creative vigor into.
The squeakiest wheels that were never even considered to be given a good greasing.
Faculties giving them lethargic hellos on the first day of school, bestowing celebrated goodbyes to them on graduation day, diplomas in hand.
Now are the ones slumped over in a lackadaisical position contemplating how they can afford an education.
They work eight to ten at seven twenty five an hour Monday to Friday; and weekends staying in as not to blow their earnings.
Those who commute to university and balance a job with it, I applaud you.
The bewilderment of adulthood, the overabundance of pressure and responsibility.
Awakened from nightmares of lost opportunities, missed trains and lost contacts.
To step out of bed and splash water onto a severely distressed face and staring into a mirror with a despairing look.
Then hoping a bus to Garfield to bring back weight for all the embryonic smokers not yet at the point of make or break, just save up enough to pave my own way.
Gazing at the town on a roof top, chugging down the tenth…no…twelfth beer of the night wondering how this all happened.
Wild sensations of kissing an attractive stranger, the rush of touching on things never felt, tasting pleasures only the lucky have known.
The passionate, yet dissolute yearning for that ever eluding ******* adrenaline. Pounding, Pounding, Pounding until the culmination of energy has come.
Flip sided to those dizzying, tear jerking thoughts of suicide, annihilation of ones being, the contradictions of their faith in themselves and the people around them.
Unexplainable waves of anxiety crashing onto the shore of a diminutive island of optimism
Striving to look past the panic, the gloominess and fury that may or may not be present. But to remain composed and press forward to what awaits them.
Coffee keeps them going. Cup after cup, late night cramming every bit they can; into their caffeine driven psyches until the indisputable crash and failure.
Packs and packs of menthol cigarettes to calm their rattling nerves but at the same time killing them slowly. Their lives will seem shorter than the time it took to finish one bogey when death is near.
Marijuana induced ventures to run down burger shacks, laughing hysterical in the car ride, eyes heavy with a most ridiculous elastic grin extending from ear to ear. While inside millions of thoughts and realizations of consciously simple speculations and troubles become clear and unproblematic. So the joy is mirrored outside in.
LSD trips in Petruska dancing and singing in the rain! Making music, making love; playing pretend and creating art. Becoming a family while kicking back under the warmth of an illuminated tree on a cool fall night.
MDMA streaming through the body, everything is as it should be
Beautiful, lovely to touch, wondrous to stroke, marvelous to move.
To contact and connect, converse and converge with the dwelling desire to share what you feel with everyone for it would be selfish and unpleasant to keep it in.
Mushrooms oh the emotional overflow I need not say more but ****.
Then there are over the counter candies, Oxycontin, ******, Adderall and Xanax, painkillers and antidepressants. Ups, downs, side ways and backwards.
Selling addiction and dependency legally to kids. Making heroine, ******* and speed easily obtainable to them. Changing the names and giving out prescriptions so the parents can feel like they're actually helping their children but are subconsciously making it easier on themselves because they cannot handle the way their offsprings actually are. Some parents a feel it is the only way, I wish it wasn't so. Becoming zombies, mindless addicts before they even start to mature into puberty. I've seen it, firsthand front row.
Oh, the monotonous, mundane rituals and agendas of our lives. School, work, sleep eat, the sluggish schedules and repetitions of yesterday's conversations and redundancy of itineraries we had plotted months prior.
Same people, the constant faces of boredom that groan in apathy and hold the fear of complacency.
We talk about how hum drum out lives have become and what we could to put some color in our world but don’t.
We speak of how unfair the system is but ultimately confuse ourselves and everyone else due to lack or organization and dedication so nothing is changed.
We speak of breath taking women we want to share ****** fantasies with but can’t even muster enough courage to send a trivial friend request.
Texting away for hours trying to court those who now occupy our minds and possess our hearts hoping they may allow us to acquire their attention and affection. Calling them only to receive futile dial tones and know we are being evaded.
Weeping on and on for seemingly endless time frames of a dilapidated relationship that was so strained that a miniscule breeze could cause it to collapse but still clinging to every memory as if they were vital hieroglyphics depicting your very essence.
Brilliant theories blurted out in a drunken stupor.
Ingenious hypothesis shrouded in marijuana smoked out room.
Remembrance of friends long gone.
The marines, the navy.
The casualties of drug addiction.
The conquerors or their afflictions.
The scholars.
The insane locked away on the flight deck never to be seen again.
Teenage mothers unsure of themselves, abandoned by their families for they believe that they brought fictional shame upon the family’s name. The fate of the child is unclear but the mother’s everlasting love shines through any obscurities in its way.
Dear mother of the new born winter’s moon may the aura of life protect you and your baby.
The father gone without a trace.
He will never know his daughter.
And it will haunt him forever.
Parents bringing up their kids with values and morals, The Holy Bible, mantras and meditation, the Holy Quran, The Bhagavad Gita, and Upanishads. Islamic anecdotes and Jewish parables.
The names all different
The message the same
The stories unlike
Goals equivalent
Kabala, Scientology and Wicca
Amish and Mormons
All separate paths that intertwine and runoff each other then pool into the plateau of eternal life.
But do we have faith in our country, our government?
They do not have faith in us. Cameras on every street corner, FBI agents stalking social media, recordings of our personal lives and police brutality. 4th amendment where have you gone?
We say farewell to Oresko the last veteran of the last great war. And revisit the Arab spring, Al-Assad’s soldiers opening fire on innocent protesters, one hundred fifteen thousand lay dead. Bin laden dead, Hussein hanged, Gaddafi receiving every ounce of his comeuppance. War, terrorism, the fear of being attacked or is it an excuse to secure our nation's investments across the sea? Throwing trillions of dollars to keep the ****** machine cranking away, taxes, pensions, credit scores, insurance and annuities all cogs in the convoluted contraptions plight.
My dear friend contemplates this every night laying in bed, fetal position; the anxiety if having to be a part of this.
Falling apart on the inside but on the outside, an Adonis, *******, Casanova wanna be. Who worshiped the almighty dollar, gripping it so tightly until it made change, drank until he had his fill falling face first into the snow. The guy who lead on legions of clueless girls wearing their hearts on their sleeves not knowing he had a girlfriend the entire time. Arranging secret meetings in hidden gardens, streaking into the early morning. Driving to Ewing in his yellow Mustang to woo a sado masochistic girl. The chains and whips do nothing to him he is already numbed by the thrill. Then he comes home, lays in bed until one, with no job and having people pay for his meals.
He knows what he does and who he is wrong. He recites and regurgitates excuses endlessly. He cries because he knows he is weak, he knows he must fix himself. I sit on the edge of myself with my fingers crossed hoping maybe, maybe he will set himself straight.
My chum who can talk his way out of any confrontation and into a woman’s *******. Multitudes of amorous affairs in backrooms, backseats, front rows of movies theaters. Selfish, boastful and ignorant, yet woman fling themselves at him like catapulted boulders over a medieval battle field just to say hello. These girls blind to see what going on, for their eyes were taken by low self esteem. A need to be accepted, to feel wanted even only for fifteen minutes. Poor self image, daddy issues, anorexic razor blade slicing sirens screaming on about counted calories and social status. Their uncontrollable mental breakdowns and emotional collapse. Their uncles who ***** them, their parents who split up and confusing their definition of love and loyalty for the rest of their lives. Broken homes, domestic abuse and raised voices, sending jolts of fright into the young girl’s fragile minds. I send my sorrows to you ladies, to see such beautiful creatures suffer then be used and thrown away with the ****** that was just ****** deep into their *****.
Then I see women and men of marvelous stature, romantic in the streets holding everyone and everything in high regards. Finding beauty in anything and anyone. Enjoying every second as if the rapture was over head eating exotic foods from unheard of countries and cultures. Bouncing to the sound of whimsical , reverb ricochets and sense stimulating music. Huffing inspiration to create something out of thin air. Dancing to retired jazz and swing albums as if no time had past since their conception. Wearing bold colors and patterns, thrifty leather shoes or suede.
Dawning pre-owned blazers because why spend hundreds of dollars on new clothes just to look good but feel uncomfortable with a hole in your pocket. Dressing up but dressing down, so class yet urban I love it, chinos, pea coats and flannels so simple but chic.
At night they go to underground dens, sweaty bodies, loud music and freedom. Expressive manifestations glowing fueled with MDMA and other substances to further their enjoyment of the dark glorious occasion. Kandi kids sporting colorful bracelets, not watches for time is of no concern to them, they have all eternity they know that.
Going to book stores, coffee shops just to have some peace of mind and a moment of silence to themselves so that can weave the tapestry of imaginative innovation. Writing their own versions of the same story, endless doors of perception, reading news papers and taking it with a grain of salt. Watching the news on TV with a hand full of salt. Searching for the real story so they can know if the world they all live in is actually safe.
She who made her own way breaking hearts, rolling blunts and making deals. The flower child of the modern age, left the rainy days in search of radiant sunshine, idealistic. Reality was subjective, purple dyed hair, multicolored sweater with sandals on her feet. A ten inch bowl with bud from California packed in tightly. Coming from Dumont to Bergenfeild then on to Philly to Mount Vernon. Off to Astoria and the Heights. Now to Sweden laying in the grassy plains below the mountains. Good for you my friend whom I have loved, may fortunes of unsullied joy come to you and all you meet.
Since you’ve left I have encountered drunken burly firemen just trying to have a good time. Pounding down Pabst Blue Ribbon as if it were water; as if it were good tasting beer. But heroes none the less.
EMT's, young eighteen years old high school graduates, saving lives reviving people who are a mere inch close to death.
Sport stars getting scholarships thanks to their superior skills and strength.
Striking beauty school students who are into making the people of this world a little bit more beautiful on the outside.
All these people, successful, doing things. Departing to their desired destinations. I see inside them, they carry baggage, loneliness and insecurities. I can feel their guilt slowing them down. All have their loads but it’s the way they carry them that shows who they really are. And to me their all gems.
Not far in Paterson I watch the junkies limping across busy winding street, perusing a severely needed fix. “Diesel!” they shout beneath flickering streetlights, asking for spare change and if bold enough a ride to some shady sketchy place. I give them a dollar and politely decline. They’ll die without it. Vomiting up bile and blood, twitches and shivers are all you feel when it’s not in you. They cannot stop, they need help. Why not help them instead of “assisting” those who are homosexual? Cleansing so they can be granted entry to the kingdom of God. Looking down on people who have found love and understanding and a deep attraction to others who just so happen to share alike genitals.
Narrow minded uproars about the spread of AIDS, nonsense! The puritanical onslaught of those who want nothing more than the rest of us, love. "Gay", "****", "******", "queer", how about "kind", "funny", "genuine human being"? The right to be married and divorced should be an option for everyone to enjoy. The strains and hardships of matrimony are yours if you want them. If you don’t agree don’t hate or harm just allow them to be peacefully. Same goes for anything for that matter, Jehovah's going door to door, Mormons from Burbank. New ideas are never a bad thing, they’re not a waste of time. On average you have about eighty years to mull over your options.
Some people don’t live long enough to do so, cancer is rampant, blood diseases, ****** diseases, natural disasters coming right out of left field and blindsiding the innocent bystanders of both hemispheres. Some go through life handicapped, autism is apparent these days. Schizophrenia, Asperburgers, ADD and ADHD. Some lose their golden memories of their many valuable years walking down Alzheimer's Lane, not being able to remember whatever transpired only a few moments ago but revisiting gold nuggets from from fifty-some-odd years ago with ease. Some go through life delusional or bipolar. Some can't even sleep at night but they still carry on. And if assistance is needed it is our job as a race to help our brothers and sisters, no one deserves to be excluded from the gala of life. Or be denied by society and pumped with brightly colored pills from doctors promising a cure but prescribing a crutch.
Finding solace in sincerity.
The serendipity of it all hasn’t been uncovered and that keeps me going.
“Radiate boundless love towards the entire world above, below and across. Unhindered without ill will without enmity.” Oh Buddha the truth as it ever was.
Who is he who keeps these thoughts from the conscious minds of the population?
Who is it that distracts us from the humbling beauty and overwhelming devastation of this place of existence we’re in?
It’s they who do under the table parlor trick behind our backs.
Those who broadcast mind numbing so called reality TV shows without an underlying value or meaning.
Those who produce music, proclaiming extravagance to be the end all be all gluttonous goal we all should aim to achieve.
And those who turn noble causes into money making scams and defile pure ideas.
And of course those who give false promises of easily obtained  bright futures, those who don’t care, those who steal, ****, curse, bad mouth and lie. But still manage to get elected into positions that more or less decide out fates. Monsters, demons, banshees howling inconsequential worries and leaving us deaf to hear the real issues.
Mark Lecuona May 2012
My heart is only a part of something greater

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter where they may lead

I thought the one I had was whole

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter the hate it may feed

But in a world of estrangement

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter if it is from greed

You look for the part someone stole

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter that I did not plant the seed

Or was it never yours to begin with?

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter the pain it may breed

Maybe we’re born searching for the pieces

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter a wrongful deed

And once they are found and then lost again

All I know is all I perceive
All I feel is based on need
Need from my own selfish desires
No matter how evil my creed

You realize the harm caused by your injustices
JordanP Jul 2018
I'm selfish. Hell no I don't want you to be happy with him. I don't even want you to be thinking about him. The only guy I will ever truly want you thinking about is me. Sure I'm selfish for wanting you even though I'm not sure you ever even really wanted me in the first place. Looking back at the nights you asked me to stay but I said no because I didn't want it to happen that way. I didn't want you to be able to blame the alcohol for what happened. Those nights are some of my biggest regrets, all I had to do was say yes, stay with you, have a few more drinks, see what would occur. It could've been nothing, problem is it also could've been everything. All the feelings could've poured from your lips until yours met mine in a kiss that sparked wildfires. Walls and clothes could've been shed as we became one heart and one being for even a minute. Could've been the start of forever between us. The only forever I have ever actually planned on. It could've been nothing, maybe a few more drinks until we both just passed out on the couches, music still playing, dog still bouncing around looking to play. Wake up the next morning heads pounding feeling ***** for all the wrong reasons. Memories are all I have left of you. All these words I've spewed onto these pages. He has you though, in his arms, in his bed, in his heart. I'm selfish. It ****** me off that all I have to hold are the same bottles we held those nights. Not knowing if it would've been everything or nothing makes me hate myself more everyday I wake up alone. I don't care if it broke his heart, sent him in a downward spiral, dropped him into this pit I live in while I rose out of it. Give me one more of those nights. One last chance to make everything happen. Let me justify this selfishness by proving to me it wasn't only me who wanted all of it. Be selfish with me for a night, you could love it almost as much as I do. We could live together selfishly. Who needs him, not me and not you. I have you, you have me, we could live selfishly.
Daniel Ruiz Aug 2018
Selfish is knowing all to well,
that everyone else will be happy except you,

selfish is being scared of being loved,
without giving some back,

is pushing everyone away,
with fist and rocks,
and then being sad they didn't come back.

I'm sorry love.

I'm so sorry,
I hope you get, and understand
I'm not trying to be selfish,
I'm just trying to be the voice of truth,
And the more mature person,
By telling you how much i like you,

cold breaths came out with those words,
my frozen heart,
being warmed,
the thought of you,
but you keep pushing me away.

Now i know how it feels,
to be the other side of the coin,

the 50\50,
the other choice,
I guess i'll stick around,

and be happy at the thought
of you being happy with another person

Am i selfish?
for not putting my feelings first?

Time will tell
byron Johnson jr Jul 2020
I am so selfish and helpless
I am lost in the world
I am so selfish and helpless
I would trade everything for some gold
I am so selfish and helpless
I wish I could go
I am so selfish and helpless
I will believe whatever I am told
I am so selfish and helpless
I want something to hold
so selfish and helpless
A nothing to behold!
Canaan Massie Nov 2012
I've come to terms,
That I am going to lose you no matter what.
Either to your hometown,
Or the hometown hero himself.

Yet I will mourn not,
For if this is in your best interest,
So be it.

I feel the blood,
Dripping from the corners of my mouth,
From biting my tongue,
To replace these inquisitions.

Why? Why? Why?

Such a blissful entity, you are.
A pure blessing to everyone you touch.
Is it possible for Angels to suffer tribulations?
I guess it appears so.

Why would you jeopardize,
The single life I hold dear to me.
Why are you so miserable?

I blame myself.
Not only as partially,
The source of your pain,
But also for not acting sooner.
For making you miss that test.

I've seen your self-destructive streak.
I've seen your cynical nature.
Yet I said nothing.
Did nothing.

And now it's too late.
I can't save you from this.
Not even if you wanted me to.

O how I wish that weren't so.
How I wish I could accompany you,
In the week to come,
But you must face this alone.

How could you be so selfish?!
Yet is it selfish of me,
To deem your actions selfish?
For it is of my own selfish desires,
That your life cannot be diminished.
I wrote this last week. Things are 1,000,000x better now. But I like this piece, so I'm posting it. lol
kenz Apr 2015
that’s what they call our generation
they say that phones and computers are taking away our ability to love
our ability to care
and maybe that’s true
because 20 years ago if i said i needed help
i would say it and not tweet it
hoping someone would read it
i would look you straight in the face and say
help me
and you would unless
you didn’t believe me
but this poem isn’t about me
this is about every kid who has called out for help
only to be told they just crave attention
that the cuts on their arms are
the kids who feel like no one is listening
to the point where they need ropes around their
necks to silence themselves just a little bit more
and then call them
for trying to escape a world that didn’t care
but did anyone ever stop to think that we were the selfish ones?
earlier i said that this poem wasn’t about me
but now it is
because this is my apology to you
because for some reason i read those scars
as attention seeking and romanticized
i thought that there were no real warning signs
because nowadays it seems cool to cut
self harm is a joke and there’s no real validity
i’m sorry i didn’t tell someone
i’m sorry for the people that i didn’t even notice
i’m sorry for being so
Rola Al-Ghoul Oct 2016

Like a hungry storm. Like a famished sea, you devour me
With no restrain, I drown in you, gladly, willingly
You fill your empty void with my trembling sighs
With intricately woven lies, you capture me

Entrancing like a blinding star, strangely captivating
Out of reach, you slowly breach my walls that cave in
I fashioned them of broken dreams and force I’m faking
You broke into me only to leave me wounded and aching

And you are mighty in your selfishness
Glorious in your confidence and roar
Like a giant beast
who flaunts his feast of spoils of war

You are selfish and I am, without a doubt, selfish too
For freely I torment my core
Only to feel the soaring roar…
of a hungry, distant, selfish you
© copyright

— The End —