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Jane Feb 2018
In a time of loneliness I seeked company
In a time of despair I seeked comfort
In a time of pain I seeked relief
In alcohol I found relief.
I found power in control
I lost control
I lost me
You were the same
You lost you
In your world full of men you seeked a woman
In a world without a mother you seeked mothering
In your world of unresolved pain you seeked relief
In alcohol you found relief
You lost control.

We lost control.

We had one thing in common;
Our addictive pain relief.
Valentine Mbagu Oct 2013
There came a time in the history of Nigeria when she dreamed for independence,
There came a moment in the history of Nigeria when she groaned to gain freedom from the British;
There came a season in the history of Nigeria when she desired to obtain independence from her rulers.

The moment when she groaned for independence,
The season when she was ready to groam freedom;
The moment when she desired to be independent as a country.

The moment when she seeked her elites to stand up and fight for independence,
The season when she awaited the voice and appearance of her freedom fighters;
The moment whe she believed that independence was ready to answer the call of nature in her country.

The moment when she believed to find freedom and independence which as that missing part of her that made her a complete country,
The season when she trusted and believed in the treasure called independence;
The moment when she hoped and desired to be called an independent and sovereign nation in the history of the world.

The moment when she was expectantant of the mother called independence,
The season when nothing meant anything to her except for the father called freedom;
The moment when she still believe to be an independent country despite foreign exploitations,
with the understanding that she could still stand up on her feet as an independent country.

She believed that someone who understands her tears and passion for freedom and independence,
will arise and fight for her freedom knowing that he will never bear to see her travail in birth for independence.
The elites she knew not but believed was out some where fortiing and preparing themselves for independence and fight for freedom.
Independence she waited for like an expectand mother of a child,
Each step she took was believed to bring her closer to freedom and independence.

She believed in freedom and independence for her country and it's occupants, and not
colonisation and exploitation from the British colony.
She believed in fighting for freedom and independence than dying a coward,
She believed in her elites efforts to obtain her independence and sovereignty.

She expected her elites to stand up and rage for independence to freedom and sovereignty,
which they did when the opportunity and strategy came for them to uphold.
She believed that destiny will bring her independence and freedom,
when the hour of liberation from exploitation comes.
She believed that her pains and heart beat was felt and understood by her elites.

The name independence she was passionate about and the fame freedom she was desperate about.
The memories of colonisation she groaned to erase and the histories of exploitation she desired to filtrate.
The name independence she struggled to uphold and the gain freedom she strived to unfold.

Before her moment of independence,
she strived to make full proof of her countrie's ambitions,
she sort self asset and not self liability.
She seeked and desired independence and freedom from exploitaion which she got.
Her dignity and hour as a country was restored on that fateful day of October 1, 1960 whe she gained and famed her independence and freedom.

She believed in independence and freedom which she got.
The death of her elites and freedom fighters was never in vain.

This is Nigeria At 53 and she is still a sovereign and independent country.
I dedicate this Poem to my Country Nigeria on Her 53rd Birthday. The 1st Of October 1960 when She gained Her Independence.
Lunar Jul 2014
What tragedy has seeked me out this year, I know not.
For in hope I expected, but t'was disappointment I got.
My thoughts on loving someone...and the time when Messi missed his shot at the free kick in the Fifa World Cup Finals with Germany :/ i wrote this when Gotze scored..
K G Jul 2015
Justify the real illustration on the pastel, this is a painting festival live your thoughts and ideas and dreams. Illuminate the night, stretch the light and make the night turn white. The luminous charm didn't work this time, I'm fine but let's look for something neat to see, so we can look harder and harder and harder, nice to know we went farther and farther than we knew we could, so picked my rain coat and yelled hey looks like rain and rain came down.
The thunder preyed on the sky and all we saw was light and we went higher,higher,higher and higher, higher, higher and higher, higher, higher and the Highlands seeked all in sight was light and the sky sighed out grief and died from the white light
Cody Haag Dec 2015
Earlier today,
I laid outside atop the snow,
A feat that I haven't tried
Since life's true colors showed.

The frost numbed my body,
I'm sure red flushed into my cheeks;
I stared speculatively at the sky,
My eyes searched and seeked.

I wanted to understand the beauty,
That nature offers so readily, the solace,
That it blankets us in even on cold days;
I wanted to understand beauty that is flawless.

My tired eyes embraced small, soaring figures
That coursed through the air with grace;
Content to go their own paths,
Not engaged in a petty race.

The figures were falcons,
That spiraled and sailed on wind above me,
Probably heading south,
For warmth to set them free.

But in that moment I compared them
To man-produced ashes;
Gray soot that courses through the air
Dashes, in varying directions,
As fire burns.

In that moment, the birds drifted through the air
So aimlessly, like the ashes do,
Landing faraway,
Wherever they flew.

Nature itself could be ashes,
If people continue on this path;
This destruction ought to incur
Some sort-of wrath.
PlayingTheNerd Jun 2020
She was alone.
And maybe what baffled her was that she wasn't bothered by that.
She seeked love in herself.
She seeked comfort in herself.
She didn't need anyone and she was happy.
She was like a star, beautiful and bright but so far to reach.
Her soul was like a lit candle, bright but dangerous to touch, one could get burnt easily if they played with her heart.
She was a roaring ocean with dangerous waves as her thoughts and she wasn't willing to let anyone into her waters, unless they were willing to swim in them with the possibility of drowning.
Bryar Trent Feb 2011
Walking, always walking,
Puzzled youth being funneled like cattle,
Seek shelter from the sun,
Jeer and poke at each other,
All from the safety of their cell phones.

Constantly seeking that one undesired retention
Of jukebox explosion catapults.
Thrusting us deeper into the mind/brain paradox
What is this?
What are these strange mutterings in the dark?

Babysitting wasp nests by electro shock railroads,
Disgust in the face of the many.
Where is this golden eclipse we’re all waiting for?
How can I not see the spiders on my windowsill?
Are these anguished, infantile youth truly desired?

Aggravated Neanderthal men
Try to impress pulsating goddesses of Light,
All to no prevail.
Sickening feeling in the gut,
Why aren’t you here?
Well I suppose,
Things have changed.

The Empress of the tunnel
Seeks out the empire halls
Of the tunnel-bound angst,
Musicians in the hall strumming
There thoughtless musings,
While the the debutantes watch and listen.
The intensity is unbearable to them,
They must seek shelter in their ipods.

Milk, must have it.
Watching them creep through the cafe,
May they one day find what they’re seeking.
Where are they?
Sitting here by myself,
Look at them jeering at each other
In their own jargons.
Have they seeked out the pleasure of life?

Dream-like meditations,
Well-rounded views of life,
Happiness within.
Dumbly smile at each other,
Seeking closeness,
Mind/body consciousness
copyright 2010 Bryar Trent
Ricky Rose Jul 2011
A teenage boy to sweet, a girl unknown. All he knows is this girl so so beautiful. To shy to say "hi," -only couple of friends he knows . One in particular a roommate of the beauty. Tells her of a crush, a friend of hers to make the beauty blush. A bracelet he made to get her attention you see. She wears upon her wrist, so she must like! One or two worldly spins later. He comes across the beauty, with the roommates connection the two meet. She nervous as he says "hi." Shows the attractor the bracelet with a blush. Only thing he can think is to say "hi'' back. Only words he spoke. She walks off red faced full of embarrassment same as he. For that was the first time they met.

His heart pounding fast as a drummer with no rhythm. He sits blank minded as if he was in heaven. Light headed he is with nothing to think he goes on with his day. Praying he will come across the beauty once again. With prayers answered they meet again. Courage in his heart he he asks her for dinner. Amazed the beauty has no response. Tells the attractor to seek her later. As the sun rays dim, the moon shining bright. The attractor sees her standing alone. Happiness in his heart, question in his mind. Approaching her with a smile asks her once more, "No not tonight." Things I got to do."

The attractor walks away. Excuses she had I knew this couldn't be, foolish me. Oh no, no this couldn't be. For she did say not tonight. So a worldly spin later. The attractor encounters her. Asks her day. "Good!" she says nothing elts she speaks. To himself he asks why. Why does she not speak many words? Is there something wrong with me? His heart grows grim fallen light it's dim. Confused about her action not knowing her thoughts. Left to put together the puzzle of emotion. Hard as hell trying real hard. The attractor wondering should he move on?

With an ever spinning world, speaking no more he walks past her this time. The beauty looks on. Watching his moves as he swiftly goes past. Stares she only has for him the attractor wondering why. Then several worldly spins later he finds out she has seeked another. How could this be? She never told the attractor she was not interested. Saddened and dismayed angered at himself for thinking such thoughts of affection. Of hoping he may be the one to fill her needs. It's as if his insides start to bleed.
jeffrey conyers Apr 2013
These eyes saw you.
These lips kissed you.
While these arms held you.

Never met a person as lovlier than you.

These legs dance with you.
These hands carress you.
While my ears heard everything you said.

Never met anyone to make me this happy.

Love, is a mystery.
It finds some a little more.
And avoid some a lot more.

But it found us for sure.

And everything about you is a man's dream.
A fantasy that turned into pure reality.

Maybe I'm a little caught up in my dreams.
But you have been everything I seeked in a woman.

Cause I never met anyone like you.
Budhino Dec 2014
They said they saw my baby
Down in the city that never sleeps
They said my baby acting like one
Asking for direction
Begging for love

He was my baby
Hair curly and was a nasty
Rendezvous for two
Drinking our favorite coffee
No one knew he was a daddy

All I know that
He left the door
To the place he thought he belonged
Far far away from the sorrow
Raven Nov 2020
My thoughts screaming out loud...
**** me daddy...
I need it bad, I want it, I crave it like a sin waiting to be unfolded inbetween my thighs where wetness needs to be explored.
You seem like trouble, temptation that I can’t help but have no control over.
Teasing you senselessly and wondering why I seem to have such an effect on people.
My eroticism speaks millions of sensual nightmares waiting to be unraveled and seeked upon.
My curtains are shaking and trembling waiting for pleasure to be evoked.
I scream to loudly on the inside wanting to lock away this part of me.
My ****** and ****** nature got me in bad spaces in the past, locking and hiding away that part of me for so long , I forgot what it felt to squirt... to feel drenched in your sweat, to leak forbidden sins...
Calling me your ****, I love it when you provoke me, wrap me, and hold me.
It’s been a long time, I need a reminder of what it’s like to be bad again...
I’ve been good, keeping my habits controlled.
I want to feel you and ******* so bad it’s driving a drill through my chaotic sinful mind.
My words so raw and unfiltered, I need it bad...
Daddy, punish me for all that I have sinned...
Don’t forgive me, kiss me harder and penetrate deeper into my mind.
**** me with your words then show me what a bad baby I’ve been....
The devils ****** monster is lurking within, waiting for a sign....
Hungry and seductively parched.
Bring out my demon and allow her to drive you ****** insane...
Lilith in Gemini
North node in Scorpio
Sun in Taurus
I ,
yes I the traveller have long seeked the moon ,
the stars and the sun ,
often they have slipped my gaze ,
now only a blanket covers my eyes ( blinded by the sun )

Have you met the story teller of the great ‘ I am ‘ ?
of his tales should I tremble ,
in his halls the lost do not seek ,
the sick and poor enter his halls with praise .
For even this Gods patience will one day like sand fall from his blood stained hands onto beaches castles were built  .

Now begone with you for even I must sleep ,
and find comforts no man should wish .
For the monsters of the deep have found me ,
Lust ,pride , bitterness and fear .

Look my jailer comes with chains you can hear that drag down the passage on this dark satanic night .

Sage if you see him tell him what might have been ,
and sorrows only purpose is love .

Are you still there ?
Dam what’s wrong with my eyes ?
I used to visit the fairground ,
Preachers like Wolves used to say ‘ come this way ‘
‘ come that for a shilling , for a crown ‘.

The musics stopped ,
I can’t hear the music and what of the great hall ?
The story teller I must find on this blessed night .

Now a chain mail of Norman men rise in my sea of despair ,
they like skeleton snakes rattle like memories in my head .
Surrender or capture the light ?

Holy Spirit my demons confront me and darken my night ,
for this must end in heaven or hell I bid it the light .
Debanjana Saha Aug 2018
People walking out
I walk out too
I seeked other people
Few to talk to
Few just to comfort
And another wanted me
May be my body.

But none were 'You'
I missed you
I seeked you
And no replies
from you!

What are you made up of?
You show your extreme care for me
But never tell me I love you
I waited for seasons
Still do, thinking whether it's just
A friendship or something beyond that.
The best is to write and be here. I stopped writing as I was in lot of dilemma remaining unsolved. Thank you all for being there for me. I hope to be here more now.
Preze Reese Mar 2019
A compliment of your light was voiced twice
The dead end of an unfinished cul-de-sac
Served its purpose of isolation perfectly

Our demeanors were coy and chilled
We celebrated our knowledge of each other and our space
The night was unsure, the purpose was noted

My body was at ease with you, yours with me
A quick turn of my hip and my body becomes alluring
You are drawn to me like a moth to a light

I didn’t shy from the advances
I received it willingly for my body wanted the contact
We collided against each other with gentle force

Warmth covered my body from your masculine embrace
I melted a thousand times as I read your mind silently
The pleasure you seeked surprised every visitor who embarked for its tight grip

My body became your safe keep, your refuge, your domain
It held you up and praised your work
It stood firm while you pounded it's petite anatomy

The reward you seeked more precious than a ruby
The reward you seeked more valued than a diamond
The reward you seeked more demanded than gold

You continued your search while you lost yourself inside me with  pleasure
I became your owner, I owned you temporarily
I claimed your body as you claimed mine

All while the moon set a scene only for us to explore
Your reward transferred right on time
I received it graciously I hope I will forget it
Eats mine emotions
And mars my veriest heed
Her arms is a fortress,a congenial devotion
The cannibal of whom I find peace
But certainly,the no creed
I inhere to●

Breath speaks severity
But of fortune prudence and quietude
She sinks me the depths of her whims
Yet,ludicrously of null whips

Eyes eclipse blunt my sights
And rancour the rhymes of my visions
But then,she is the fair breed of gleams
A pleasant hue of sparkles I beseige

Tender tongue carriers coals
Of undying vengeance
Of which every touch trembles
Yet even as so
It feels finer than rosy Arabian night breezes

Her crest which be the counsel
Of which the wildest devilry passions is seeked
Chides and macerate my mastered pettings

She sets tables in her thighs
And serve the most but motley affections

She is despotic but decent

©Historian E.Lexano
®Recalcitration With Excellent
Its A Paraphilia
Nandini Apr 2015
She screamed
She thrashed
But those chains pulled her down
She fought
She struggled
But those chains didn't let her go
She tugged
Harder than ever
Wrists , red from struggle
But those chains caged her
She tried
One last time
Then gave up
Those chains had won her over
She sobbed
She wept
But those chains just laughed
Their deep , metallic , sad laughter
They said she brought those chains upon herself
They said she deserved those chains
But what was she guilty of ?
She had not asked for it
Yet that pain seeked her
She wanted free
But those chains held her
Tired , from the struggle
She gave up
She let those chains
Win over her !
Nat Lipstadt Nov 2017
one asks:

why do I not send my poems anymore,
have I seized up, ceased down, now but an engine rust requiem,
absent the needed viscous, numerous verbal oils running requires,
to commend to thee without hesitant reservation

I lie, and say because,
no one read them

write profusely, blouse tear-wet, hair ungelled, thoughts unglued,
this here secondary, truth birthing reply, outed post a time delay,
revealed, staggering reluctantly, like an akimbo drunk,
who imagines every step his, still straight-lined,
then, in shock, in a confessional, through a divide,
stumbling admits,
no, they are not

my poems can no longer be milkman delivered to your
morning doorstep porch coated in condensation-wet,
thick-heavy, lovely but-out-of-shaped, rotund glass bottles,
for both this charming old practice I remember,
it and my poems, are now time-wronged,
passed over by the courant new notion of a sell-by date,
for who dares to desire to live in the timeless paths
of risky tomorrows?

these times, when life is a continuous elegy,
simplicity is so complex,
when truths are hard to distinguish
harder to believe, why then,
insert any extra hardening, provision extra difficulties,
add poems that strain, needing patience and careful handling

so many people, me compris, pained out,
obsolescent, meteor victims of dinosaur extinctions,
now so common, remarkably recognized and remarked upon,
then quickly gone to a swamp burial ignominy unnoticed

my poems, complex and long, wordy and abstruse,
do fit your avoidance profile, why to make thee weep,
so many demanding your abbreviated attention span,
my intimate uncomfortable intrusions are your lowest priority,
and this, irony, was my masters thesis topic

so I lie

forsooth my poems are secret read by the Marrano thousands,
writ by a me-disguised, they're seeked and sought out
by those who require a personal pinpricking, a violin adagio daily,
tiny little irritant memory provocations and sooth sayings,
deemed inappropriate, for no predeterminant answers asked,
banished from today's new world symphony,
governed by a set of exclusionary convent rules,
that perforce demand a trigger warning:

place no peas neath my mattress, so I may sleep,
without the discomfiture, the unordered risk intensity of
dreaming without any restraint,
composing the future in the moment

11-13-17 1:31am
for Chris
Valentine Mbagu Aug 2013
The tears of love in my heart can neither human nor spirit understand,
for my heart is bruised in grief.

The pains of love in my soul can neither words nor speech utter,
for my soul is soiled in sorrow.

The wounds of love in my spirit can neither care nor treatment heal,
for my spirit is sealed in distress.

My heart desires you though you have refused to change your mind.
My soul seeks your love though you have refused to come back.
My spirit cherishes your love though we can't be together forever as lovers.

lf we are not meant to be together as lovers,
why then does this feeling hurt so much?
If we are not designed for each other as one,
why then does my heart cleave to yours?
If we are not destined for one another as soul mates,
why then does my spirit cherish your love?

It hurts to know that we can't always be with the ones we love.

Seeing that we can't be together forever as lovers,
for my inability to change the destined destiny;
and my inability to change your mind.

My prayer is that you find the love of your heart.
My desire is that you find the desires of your heart.
My passion is that you find the love of your life,
someone who will love and cherish you.

The tears of love in my heart, you alone can clean.
The pains of love in my soul, you alone can stop.
The wounds of love in my spirit,
you alone can heal.

With tears in my heart will your love be seeked,
though am bruised in grief.

With pains in my soul will your love be cherished,
though am soiled in sorrow.

With wounds in my spirit will your love be desired;
though am sealed in distress.

My life was lived in loving you, now you leave to love another.
My heart beats for yours, knowing you alone can clean my tears.
My spirit seeks your heart, knowing we shared so much.

Oh! The days of sorrow and loneliness has caught up with me.

A broken and wounded heart you leave me with.
A new path you are treading without me.
A new life you are moving to, without me.

my heart frees you without any guilt.

But remember it hurts to love and not be loved in return.

We promised each other to live together forever as lovers,
you assured me of dying by my side.
All these promises are now forgotten.

Goodbye my friend.

As you leave me to groan in tears of loneliness for love,
remember my tears are ceaselessly running;

wailing and waiting for who will clean my tears of love.
Dánï Dec 2013
There's nothing I've wanted more than the ability to forget.
I've tried but I haven't been able to master it, yet.

I can't forget your scorching touch,
You left scars, more than enough.

You were trying to mask your impotence,
I should've shown more than just indifference.

Tell me did you understand what you were doing, did you notice my change?
Must of since you'd repeatedly ask "Why are you acting so strange?"

I never admitted, never told a soul,
I never seeked help- I turned numb, bitter cold.

Tried to convince myself I was strong, stronger than you.
I was completely wrong, you knew this, too.

You hold so much sovereignty over me,
I still cannot comprehend how this can be.

You knew who'd keep quiet, you knew which prey to choose,
You're so clever, made sure you'd never lose.

Do you know how indefinitely f'cked up I am now?
Are you happy? Are you proud? Do you want to take a bow?

Your time is ending, your death is near,
You'll be gone, yet I'll always have so much to fear..
Pearl smoke Nov 2014
I'm Sorry Baby
Yes, Those who Truly Love would never lie.
But I Felt The Need To
iKnow The Truth To My Relapse
Will hurt you
and I'd probably
lose you.
So I decided it was best to
fool you
cause I want us to be forever,
I adore you!
Then Why Don't I just be honest?
Because I can't.
You'll Walk out the minute I tell you I had it again in my hands.
Youv Helped Me So much
Do the impossible to keep me out of reach
Take Most Of Your time to focus on me.
To see what I need.
You give me everything.
Addiction is a very hard thing
You Probably think I find it
So Easy to Say false things carelessly .
Underneath were the rightful things are seeked
I'm Really hurting and beating my self up with what I'm doing
The Drug Puts up a false front
Just to keep me consuming.
I Don't Want to lie
But I know the truth will make you Say goodbye.
Hope you understand
That it's not me who's dishonest
It's the drug that takes controll or Temptation that blind folds
To get me where it
Wants me.
Valerie Shvetz Oct 2011
she was a dancer , her name never known ,
even to her lovers she was a mystery to societies curiosity
her actions were known throughout the world
her escapades publicized in the most provocative ways
her passions flowing , no one could fill one could reach beyond the surface
No one knew her outrageous thoughts, no one seeked out her pain
her words failing to the comparisons of her skin
her opinions drowned out by her flowing hair and glistening eyes
her love unsuspected due to her ***
she was a woman of no woman
the way she spoke shot shivers down one's spine
her walk was one that could stop disasters
she was free , but oh so captured,
all they could see was someone they could use
her frail thoughts
her discontent life , her restrictions
restrictions no man could see
she gave herself to all
but no one
she was an angry one not knowing why she was born herself
why she was alone , and why she couldn't help it with all
the physical , skin on skin , caressing
her soul was empty
her mind was full
no one would fill her , no one would reach beyond the surface
reach through her chest...
of her blood
the pumping vessels
no one could see the little sad girl
all they could see is the carnal urge
exploit  it for their own pleasure
someone that would unimaginably cater to their every need
she was a woman , of no woman
she was a misty memory of their days
not a lasting impression ,
just undeniably beautiful
she constantly wondered if she could live through the day
if anyone would see..
if anyone could be the one to save her ,
if anyone could just reach through her chest and rip out her beating heart
just to prove it had been there in the first place.
quite often she would lie in bed ,
dreaming of her prince
he had been a dark man ,
always in her thoughts,
he had brought her more insecurities then she could ever dream of
but for one reason or another she had wanted him
she had wanted his thoughts,
his breath ,
his words ,
his tone ,
she'd dream of it all down to the freckle,
she had imagined a man so unbelievably unrealistic...the one for her,
the only one she could think that could save her
she needed to be saved ,
she'd been overpowered by her imagination and fluid thoughts her entire life,
they had never come true, and this , this man , she knew wouldn't be any different .
she'd often think of herself , her big light brown eyes , her flowing long hair, her unchanged smile , her brilliant skin tone ,
and slit her self through and through ,
she would open her flesh and think ,
there had to be something more to her than just skin and bones.
but no matter how far she'd look
she could never find
what she was looking for ,
could not be found by her painful injections
her constant smoking ,
her bathing in pure water , she couldn't seem to find anything at all ,
and that's when she decided to stop
to end it all
with one fair day
one sunny day
she knew the day and looked for it in everyday there was
but it hadn't come yet.
but she was waiting.. patience my darling she kept saying
it will be over soon .
He was a man of no man
he was the one everyone looked to for anything at all
he was spiraling out of control
in his own excuses for his ceasing life
his own tormenting thoughts
he was a lonely boy since childhood
he was surrounded by people with their doubts and angst
teaching others to live ,
but had never lived a day in his life
he had sandy brown hair that any woman sweetly touched with ease,
he had light green eyes that any woman would be bewildered by ,
dark flawless skin that any woman would be glad to touch
the only thing a woman lacked for him ,
the one thing that he had longed for his entire life was forgiveness ,
forgiveness for his actions ,
forgiveness for his thoughts ,
forgiveness for his grief
understanding of that would make any woman the one for him ,
except that this quality was lost on the world
hard to find ,
he knew
he searched for years
and one day he gave up
gave up to find forgiveness
gave up looking for one that would grant him his everlasting wish
he had given up his life in all
there were no more excuses
he had decided
a gloomy day he thought to fit the occasion
shot gun to the head seemed plausible
and defiantly permanent.
he searched for that day in everyday he lived.
both crossed paths ,
she never knew this but he had seen her from long away
she was beautiful
she had the quality he knew it
sitting in the coffee shop he approached her
she smiled just like with any man
but he saw right through that smile of hers
he sat her with her speaking , laughing , drinking and he knew ,
she was the one to forgive him and he knew she needed this too
this exact connection they had
she saw him as just any other man ,
playing the field trying to taste her sweetness
but she also saw something odd about the way her looked at her
almost as if he was actually looking inside of her
trying to get to know her insides.
this was impossible she thought..
he took her contact,
told her he would call
she thought he was just trying to be polite
he went home with a big smile on his face .
the world was singing to him
the divine was giving him another chance at life
she was a gift, a gift that would fill his emptiness
he came home and called her straight away.
she answered and they planned another gathering.
he was on cloud nine , shooting for the moon
he set off the next morning to meet her ,
he had imagined the way she spoke the whole way
the way she looked ,
although he couldn't quite remember ,
but her essence stayed with him , her smell her softness,
he felt at bliss , utter happiness
when she woke up that morning , she saw an oddly sunny day
she knew this was the day , taking her own life wasn't hard ,
she threaded the noose around the shower rod ,
fit her head perfectly through the hole
stood on her tippy toes on the edge of the bath
let loose
her neck snapped instantly
she did not shed a tear ,
one thought hung in her mind right before she let go ..
what if he had been her prince...the one she was waiting for.
he sat in the coffee shop for hours waiting for her ,
minute by minute he saw people walking in and out of the building
excitement struck at almost every sighting ,
then followed by shear disappointment .
the afternoon turned dark ,
clouds hung around the city
rain poured down
the gloomy day he's been expecting had come ,
he had felt emptier than he'd ever felt before.
he walked home in the violent rain
stepped in the door of his home for the last time soaking wet
took the gun from his bedside table ,
placed it in his mouth and pulled the trigger
within the second
his last flailing thought was ..
why hadn't she saved me. ..
two lovers that would have been
died within their emptiness and doubt that day ,
never knowing why,
one hadn't saved the other
true love.
A fairy tale.
This story(poem) is very important to me and i'd like some notes because I'm submitting it for a writing contest.
Rangzona Mar 2012
Zombies they approach 
to bad we can't be friends 
This was my last thought
As I load my gun

This will be a blood bath
And I may never survive 
I am the last, destined to die by hand I used to curest
I see her in the mob 
Slowly approaching 
Why rush I was doomed 
I know it and so did they

I faught for 7 years 
And this is my end
I am the last to see thair loved ones
I wounder how they will live with out me
I guess the same if I was the one that was victorious 
"**** this I yell"
 as the zombies began to in case me
I was never the one who seeked the crowed 
All wayse the loner
Dreaming for this day 
Not hoping just knowing it will come to pass

My end will be beautiful 
I cocked my gun
Knowing I wount need it but just liked the ilosen of my finally
Being of a gun fight,

We planed this
Me and the once people who surround me
All hopping it will never come
But non believed it was unnesary 

They was in place 
The shells all in place 
I slipped the wire under my feat
And even though I could not see the liquid I know 
It hit its home
Zombies cried in rage
Canines thrusted into the air
Trying to cut the air 
And I laughted 

****** was my favorite was my favorite wepen 
I glanced above my head to see the net
Filed with liquid hell
It amused me that all the years I threaten to rain
Hell on my enimeyes 
I get to do it

I hit the swich in my poket 
I herd the flames hit the net 
It will take 2 minutes for the flames
To meet the c4 
But the zombies had a different plan
They rushed me 
And all I did was take two steps backwards
And the mine wint of without a hitch

I lust a leg but that was enught distraction
C4 inighted and turned the night alive 
I had made my last day of life
And I smile
The end is now
I closed my eyes
And waited 
For my firy demise 
To welcome me
Simply Amy Sep 2015
There she goes
With each and every thought that flows.
Painful memories flooding her mind
Never leaving those days behind
She is strong
Even though she is sometimes wrong
She questions herself
"was all this worth it?
Why did it have to end this way?
Was everything, from the very start,
Meant to go astray?"
OBLIVION was all she seeked now
It was her shallow
Her shelter from the deep and dangerous sea
Yes, she was broken indeed!
Had it all been a dream?
She doesn't seem to know
Her dream of the world being a happy place,
All melting away like snow.
Her innocence killed
Smashed, crushed all the way
"Ruthless she is" is what others say
Let there be peace, love and happiness is all she prays
She wants to be the change
The flare that starts the fire altogether
She wants to touch the stars
She wants to sing her heart out
She wants to love like nobody has
She wants to give the world hope
Something to look forward to
Something to wake up for
Is that too much to ask for?
Yes, she is harsh
But what made her that?
All those painful things she heard,
All the loathsome things people said
Made her foster hate for her close ones
Satisfaction is something they never seemed to find
Their thirst for perfection was never satiated
She felt like she was a liability
Something they were ashamed of
Yes, she hated when she burst out on the people whom she loved
But what else was her way of venting out?
Her solace became a boy
The one who loved her
Who adored her
The one who made her believe that there was still hope
He was her rock
The firm and dependable stand
The one who taught her to be calm
He spoke to her everyday
Made sure she was alright
Consoled her when she cried...
though she was rude to him at times,
He gave her second chances
He was her midsummer night's dream come true
How long would he stay by her side?
She wasn't sure
He was promising and his love for her- unconditional, irrevocable and extraordinary.
She asked him to wait
So he did
If he doesn't have her
The sun doesn't shine
His world doesn't turn
And her love for him grew each day
Every passing minute only made it increase
"It's just a phase" she said
"I guess it is INFATUATION"
But who knew that she was fostering only love for him
He was all that she could ask for
But she knew that her heart was beyond repair
She thought of herself as the carrier of ill-luck and unhappiness
She tried distancing him
But it only got them closer
And what happens next
She couldn't say
But all she knew was that things were meant to be this way
She started being happy
She laughed and enjoyed life
For him she tried
And all she asked for now
Was a stable, happy and peaceful future
Without a broken heart and shattered dreams,
Without nightmares and those hollow screams!
Kenna McCully Sep 2012
I thought I could trust you
I thought I could once again love you
I thought I had forgiven you.
But here I stand,
Feeling anything but grand.
It’s that time of year again, you know?
The time when you always go.
The time when You get up and walk away
The time when you can no longer stay.
It’s not hard to tell when you’re lying
The tears left behind from last time are still drying
You didn’t give me enough time
Before you committed yet another crime
For you and your love I only sought
But pain and tears is what you wrought.
I used to want to by you be needed
But now your words are not even headed
You lied and you cheated
And now I don’t even need to be seated
I can stand strong
Even when you tell me yet again you’ve done wrong.
Who am I kidding?
Of this pain I am ridding
Or striving to anyway
But this pain, it will never go away
A part of me you have taken
And my heart you have forsaken
You don’t even see the mess you’ve made
When in her bed you laid.
I am dying
And all you are doing is lying
In that filthy ******* bed
Can you not get it in your head!?
You bring more pain than we can bear
This family apart you will tear
***** you! ***** You and your desires
For all I care you can burn in the fires
You and that women
You and your sin
God I hate you!
Don’t you realize, this is your cue
It’s time for you to walk out that door
Like you did so easily many times before.
You said you were sorry
You said you loved me
But that was a bunch of ****!
A bunch of crap and you didn’t mean it.
All you wanted was for us to be together
For us all to be bound by a tether
You didn’t want us to be separate
But it was all way to late
You did’t realize the havoc you had wreaked
When love was all we seeked
You didn’t realize how You hurt her
When you into her bed did she lure
I’ve never felt so old
When momma in my arms did I have to hold
She cried and cried
And to console her I tried
But she just laid in my arms and wept
For in someone else’s bed you slept
You drilled a knife through momma’s heart
Wether or not you meant to play that part
She will never be as happy
But it is now that I do plea
Please go away

We don’t want you to stay
At your disgusting face I cannot look
For it was my trust, love, and life that you took
You stole with no second thought
You didn’t realize the hurt you’d brought
Please don’t come in
I cannot look at you and your sin
And now here I am weeping
The pain to my outside is seeping
I hate not only you but also myself
And it’s compromising my health
I no longer eat
But look in the mirror and my body do beat
I’m killing me
But no one can see
This is all your doing
Not because she was so good at wooing
I want myself to hang
To no longer In my chest feel this pang
I want to leave this terrible place
And you and my fears to no longer face
brandon nagley Dec 2015

O' dear lord, how gracious thou hast been to me, as thou hath undeservingly given me, Mine Jane, mine queen.


O' dear lord, how merciful thou hast been to me, I was in the mire, on earth's ground I tired; thou hath saved me from the fire,
And revived me from deathly sleep.


O' dear lord, how great is thine love, I hung in the shadows, wherein death didst battle, taking me underneath, as thou were above.


O' heavenly Father, born a sinner by nature, I seeked to do thine will later, as tis it needeth done now.


O' Yahweh, Elohim, Jehovah, maker of mine Savior, bringing saccharine taste to all flavor's; thou gaveth me the talent to jot down upon paper, the door that thou keepeth open for all mankind.


O' holy one, supernatural, divine, mayest thy word's like eternal honey drip, upon the poor and Meek's lip's, mayest thy reign over-taketh evil; as it soon shalt in it's time.


O' mighty and magnanimous king, mayest Jane and I singeth with thine angel's wherein the tranquility shalt ring, as a million Bell's overcoming hell, freeing captives from their cell's, keeping widow's in thy help, making penniless to hath abundance, keeping material's purely redundant, bringing peace soon upon this desolate place of trial's, none more telephone's or technology, none man-made thing's to better one- as tis they only maketh it worse, let thy comfort be upon thy church, and even them that knoweth thee not. Let the homeless find their abode in thee, bringeth lights as humans to preach in thy holy place, and in metal cities, let the Opulent findeth worldly wisdom, for their riches shalt be naught. Let their treasure's forsake them, as I knoweth to; salvation and true amour' canst not be bought, let the ancient dead arise, as tis the word's cometh up hither soon I knoweth shalt arrive. Let the depressed and those of suicide seeith inside thy eye's the affection thou hast for them, mayest thou comforteth friend's with Friends, and those of none kin. Mayest thou purify me, strenghten me, in past and present sin. Mayest thou blesseth me and mine Reyna in light of heaven, and during this sphere's minutes coming to slim. Protecteth me and mine lass, as the time's art coming to pass, wherein Satan shalt plot against us to win. Grant me and Mine empress matrimony before the time If thou wilt, if not on this globe, in thy kingdom itself.

©Brandon Nagley
©Lonesome poet's poetry
©Earl Jane Nagley ( Filipino rose) dedication
The Unspoken Jan 2015
Rejection seems to kick in from Left Right Centre.
My heart is aching.
But I want to TRUST the Process.

I have seeked the face of God through this, asking why
The pain is much
Its hard to breathe now
The memories are making it even more difficult for me.
But I want to TRUST the Process.

I just pray for sanity.
For Peace and Joy to feel my life.
For the purpose for all these aches to finally be revealed to me.
For I choose to TRUST the Process.

So I try to breath.
Look to the skies and in silence feel the calmness
I will be still, and at the end I will win
I will TRUST the Process.
When you back to that place again...but its all about the process, hope this touches someone in the same situation.
You'll always be at rainbow's end
Eternal *** of gold
A fairy tale told long ago
Forever I've been sold

I try so hard but out of reach
With each hand would grab hold
No need for words so please don't speak
Would never let you go

But when I give up in defeat
The cycle getting old
The hill to climb becomes too steep
Turn down 'Yellow Brick Road'

The Wizard who I wish to meet
Told he can take me home
I hear the scurrying of feet
New shadow is well known

But like they say it's "Trick-or-treat"
And both will I be shown
With me you stand here in the street
No longer I'm alone

Now found; forever I had seeked
But actions had been cloned
Reached out but this dream could not keep
Like that; I'm turned to stone

You laugh and turn off in retreat
A call without a phone
A diet forced myself to eat
These actions had been sewn

This game of love again I'm beat
And tossed like trash I'm thrown
You stole from me just like a cheat
This life I live alone

No tears to cry but inside weep
My head, the space I roam
No need to hide; Escape don't seek
From now on is my home
Written: November 13, 2018

All rights reserved.
[Iambic Heptameter in Common Meter format]
Zead Sep 2015
A time to break is a time to cry
A place to cry is a place to express
To whom you express is to whom you have a friend
The friend of mine is the home of mine
Where my home is found is where my way of escape is found
My escape is my new life
A new life is a new love
A new love is my God
My God gave me love in the time of need
My God has placed my new life in me
My God was to whom I escaped
My God is the home I seeked
My God is where my Friend is found
My God is the epitome of my expression
My God gave a new tear to share
My God broke me: Because He made me new
Goodbye TX
When I was young boy
I never wanted love
I seeked something more

I wanted a partner
who will join up with me to experience
every stupid thing that life has to offer

We would often think that we ate all the wisdom in world
and then again fail together

Our egoes would crush and deepen
in sorrow times we would share the  light
and in marry times
we would respect the  dark

we would understand that life is far too
short for our mutual feelings to fulfill
that infinite we are not
and our bodies must go

Of death we would think
not always, but from time to time
sharing hands, resting our
old bodies in the living room

In the end we would often go to our long walks
alongside the river and smile and rejoice
because that is the ultimate happiness
knowing we lived together, sharing our virtues
and spreading them into the every situation
give life everything you have, don't hesitate to fall
kian Jul 2016
"Life is chaos and the universe tends towards disorder."*

Maybe that's why we were never meant to be
because no matter how hard we try
we would only fall farther into the abyss
and even if we close our eyes and if we tried to dream
our hearts won't intertwine even if we imagine them to be

Maybe that's why i'm nothing but a soulfire
burning almost everything that i love
destroying everything with passion
uncontrollable and unforgiving

oh, i never asked for this
but that's how the world works
and i'm still not used to it

my heart is weak and fragile
it seeked to change the world
but it only destroyed itself
just like how everyone else did
Kes Long Mar 2016
Reminiscent . . .

Au-fond of your tender face;

Au-fond of your loving grace;

In need of poise I seek your warmth;

In need of life I seeked your hand,

Hand-in-hand we will always be,

As always, from my heart; sincerely.

Though now you may be faraway,

Our love is strong and it's here to stay;

To keep us warm through the cold;

To keep us young even when we're old.

Ever-present I shall be,

so take my hand;

Traci Eklund Apr 2013
Hello creator,
my mother, my father,
what have you gave me, asked this  lonesome daughter.
You provided me foundation in which to stand,
mother you taught me morals in which I do not believe,
the pain I wallowed, the grief I seeked.

Do you remember when I would wander,
these streets of this town, the things i'd ponder.
Do you remember when I layed sleepless at night,
trying to forgive and forget the fight.
I do not blame for it is all that you've known,
but the burden is so deep, you and dad look as cold as stone.

I remember when I sought for love,
it was at the bottom of a bottle,
hidden in the smoke of a cigarette,
it was interwined with regret,
and it was burning out, golden red.

Oh mother, oh father I do not blame,
I forgive, I forget,
the orgin of this pain.
For years I'd lay sleepless, for years i'd wander inside this horror,
I know you never knew you hurt me,
but the pain you bleed seeps into my core.
Elijah Corbeau May 2014
This forced swinging from high to low
with emotion as my rope;
Perhaps but to fall, the ebb and flow
of a drama of a grand scope:


Midnight and the moons resounding note
waning like memories of her caress,
"Thy soul be sundered; thy life 'tis smote-
Your love 'twas simply in jest!"
Fearfully I cried under a frightful duress-
"Who art thou, wicked seraph! Fiend indeed!!
Why, why should you call my distress?
In my hour of loss, my hour of need?"
It then said, 'Thy know, thy soul I read-
Blasphemer! Defiler of a chaste life!
Sin tis your cover, desire your breed,
To be covetous of anothers wife!"
Furious was my speech - "Take thy seraphic knife,
Let us clash, I shall not fall!
Thou art simply a portent of strife;
Thou hast no honor, no higher call!"
Claimed I, "Thou art not in God's thrall!
Thou art a menace black and seedy,
To come before me with such gall,
to come before a man so needy!"
A horrible visage then arose before me,
Terrifying! This angel of doom-
The moon 'twas struck, lay bleeding-
It's light red, fading soon...
A soul of the darkest gloom,
This being 'twas not ordained!
Beneath the light of the hemorrhaging moon,
I saw what it seeked to gain!
This monster, it fed off of pain,
I cried, "Thou art surely craven!
Thy knife hast many stains,
But how art thou so boldly brazen?
Perhaps hailing from some deathly haven,
or heaven tormented, I know thy measure!
I do know ye, sinful, lust-torn maven,
Forsake sustenance from my pleasure!
Be gone! Shatter thy earthly tether!
Back!" I shrieked- "Away from this plane!"
Whether Angel sent, or Devil, whether
Freudian delusion or Jobs game!
Love and sin art not the same!
So cast off of me your burdened guilt-
Love blooms wildly, it's vines my veins,
And from stronger feelings 'tis built!
I shall not be cursed by passions blame,
and my love shall never wilt!
From Valkyrie Profile! Inspired by Lezard Valeth - Great Character!
Your smile was my everything,
The target for which I aimed,
Most lovely lips I’d ever seen,
Your body as great as name.
The jet black hair, Cloud sapphire eyes,
My treasure hunter seeked those gems,
Palpable love kept for such time,
At that moment I saw them,
I fell apart,
Pure beauty,
Hit me like a dart.
Blue moon on the sea.
-Last winter. Of a gorgeous name and blue eyes.
Mia Feb 2013
Cause lost with no direction

Was my unique destination

Couldn't choose a way

I have no way

My mind burned by all those thoughts,And i got no affirmation

Twisted up side down ,Is there any translation!

For those intuition

I feel haunted by frustration

And in doubts i have seeked for explanation

Thinking i may come upon the truth but ''Worry is a misuse of imagination''

I have  lived  in the middle of contradiction

Can't count anymore how many times i stared to white walls without being paralysed by hesitation

Every time i try to make things  right it all goes wrong

People showed me no mercy when i'm  too fragile ,they treated me like i was made from none

There was a day i woke up with fears to lose my breath and not having some one else to replace his missing place

Could'nt stand the footprints that people puts in my heart and take it away once they leave

They say people come and leave for reasons

Since when there is reasons for my self bleeding!

Could you make my soul come alive?

Could you drive me home through waves?

And i feel like lost with no direction  

Wished for a happy isolation

Around nature, trees, flowers

I will find somehow my self in such place

I thought my laugh would save my life

If only i can take the time back i would change

The regrets that kept me lost in a wide space

I will land somehow in a safe place

Live prosperity and serenity to the bones

No hateful malignity ,no heartless perfidy

Would make my heart beat for hate

I was born clean just a smile in the face

And all i have  known that happiness is the key to life

and there are dreams and ambitions i should chace
Got Guanxi May 2016
lightning doesn’t strike twice
two feet and two knees that nobble occasionally,
and chatter like teeth in an arctic freeze.
Together in harmony.
Now since the rain clouds
washed those other clouds away,
and you were drained.
When you breathed a rainbow,
golden soul,
and drew the route of you in the window,
Primary coloured moments;
exposed in chrome,
caught in time,
no remains.
But then the stars and superlatives came to play.
And the memories fade.
When the night first spoke and the sun laid to rest.
He spoke of Moondust and mistrust of the Government.
They told him once,
and they told him twice,
that science could only be defined by what we know.
So he searched the stardust on the seabed,
and seeked what he sowed.
Oceans away from home,
only to piece together tiny shards of shattered stars,
with those telescopic time machines that he used to own.
I ,
yes I the traveller have long seeked the sun ,
moon and the clouds yet they again have slipped my gaze and only
darkness covers my eyes .
The story teller of the great God of  “IAm “ about his tales should I
tremble as I listened with many others in the great hall ,
Speaking of a God who one day even his patience will like sand
drift from his loving blood stained hands .

Begone with you for even i have to sleep and find comforts that no man should seek ,
let alone find , for the monsters of the deep loneliness , bitterness ,
and pride leave me captive in chains .

Sage if you see him tell him what might have been ,
and sorrys only purpose is love.

Please don’t burden me again with you’re story’s of woe my darkness is full of tempting visions and to sleep is to indulge .

What’s wrong with me my eyes are dim when they used to love the light and fair grounds with hymns and songs ,
tales from the book ,
the story tellers I must find and end this Blessed night .

Chain mail of Norman men rise from the river ,
skeletons of my past rattle like snakes in my head .
When in sleep do they arose me and darken my forest in this cold winters night .
Captive only to the light how my soul seeks rest from this
besieged fortress ,
dare I surrender to my foe ?

Holy Spirit freeer of the night thy captors await thee ,
for this tale must end in heaven or hell .
Look again the jailer comes and light once again must set me free .
John-Chris Ward May 2014
If I am who you say I am,
Then I wouldn't be who I am today.
Doubt me,
Go ahead.
I can prove you wrong.
Sharp looks....
**** this, I'm done.
Drop the rhyme scheme.
This is not for fun.
You cut too deep.
Now, I can't stop the bleeding.
You've gone too far,
But I won't let out a single tear,
Won't let you know that you've gotten to me.
Won't satisfy your lust for blood.
I'm giving up on the nice guy routine.
If you say that I ain't who I should be,
Then show me.
Show me wrong,
Prove yourself right.
A forrest fire from birth.
Strong-willed, and strong hearted.
I never needed pity,
And I've never asked for it.
If you're trying to look down on me,
Then you better start looking for higher ground.
Throwing out such harsh words,
They should  come with a warning label.
Daggers on your tongue.
Daggers on your tongue.
Daggers on your tongue,
Strongest weapon of all.
If you seeked out to come get me,
Take me from the neck down,
Poison me and take the crown.
You've truly fooled yourself,
You've fooled me for someone else.
Play me for weak all that you might.
I can prove you better through my actions,
Than these words on this page,
Because these words on this page don't show my anger, don't show my rage.
Daggers on your tongue.
You come to **** and destroy,
But my will is strong.
Be careful of what you say,
Be careful of how you play.
This is how I feel.
Don't tell me how I should feel.
Don't try and dictat to me what's real and what's not.
I'm not as shy as I appear,
Never have I ever been too shy to tell you exactly how I feel.
Daggers on your tongue, be careful how you use them.
Eats mine emotions
And mars my veriest heed
Her arms is a fortress,a congenial devotion
The cannibal of whom I find peace
But certainly,the no creed
I inhere to●

Breath speaks severity
But of fortune prudence and quietude
She sinks me the depths of her whims
Yet,ludicrously of null whips

Eyes eclipse blunt my sights
And rancour the rhymes of my visions
But then,she is the fair breed of gleams
A pleasant hue of sparkles I beseige

Tender tongue carriers coals
Of undying vengeance
Of which every touch trembles
Yet even as so
It feels finer than rosy Arabian night breezes

Her crest which be the counsel
Of which the wildest devilry passions is seeked
Chides and macerate my mastered pettings

She sets tables in her thighs
And serve the most but motley affections

She is despotic but decent
©Historian E.Lexano
®Recalcitration With Excellent
Love Affair
Julia kRu Jan 2010
Ten butterflies
flew out of her stomach,
they were like lilies
in the sun,
yet they were of all colours,
burst in havoc,
wings spluttered,
sparkles splashed,

one butterfly
was fiery and red,
she was off
to see honey and bread
with brave speckles of
yellow and black and orange -
in passion was her courage;

the second
was a blinding yellow and green,
fluorescent, painful almost,
a colour explosion
sharp and keen -
looking for juicy freshness
she flew, head foremost;

the third
was skinny
and long,
her skeleton
stood out,
her form
yet strong,
with huge eyes
shining pale blue
and silver -
all around
the wings' edges
rippled a shimmering

the fourth,
the fifth,
and the sixth
were all giddy and silly,
one could not make them out distinctly,
their colour was jolly,
akin to a bubbling folly,
a heady array
of purple, and vinous, and gray,
and a sparkle of red and brown -
they fled in glee
to adorn somebody's crown;

the seventh
was the wisest and the fairest,
a wisdom fountain in the very form
of deep green
and the palest,
the palest yellow,
and a storm
of snow-white silver on its wings,
her eyes reflected ancient winds,
old woods and meadows,
restless seas and mountains' shadows -
she fluttered near
to chase away fear;

the eighth
was slippery and wet,
shining dark blue in one's eyes -
a still night, black rainy skies -
there was almost no light
and her sisters would fret
but in vain, for at the very bottom
her edges were tender,
the colour of cotton -
she'd be seeked for in despair,
as a token of hope
found in prayer;

the ninth
radiated pulsing pastel purple -
it glowed from within,
spreading out subtle light -
white veins adorned her wings
as spikes of wheels,
out of her center,
like a sizzling reel,
shone Tenderness - her teaching -
placid and bright -
she lingered about
her Mistress' kirtle
vibrating notes of peace
and of lucid bliss;

the tenth
was the Butterfly Lady of the Springs,
with bright and searching eyes,
and multi-coloured rings,
she was a mirror rainbow
of her fair sisters,
the most beloved daughter
of The Mistress -
flying about the world
with livelihood
she cried,
"Stand up and fight
for Love and Good!",
she spread the healing colour
round the Earth
so it be filled
with loud and needed mirth.

Ten butterflies
flew out of her stomach
and burst in havoc
round the world;

their Mistress no one ever sees -
she's the Forest Queen,
the unseen lass,
Aras of the trees, of the skies, of the grass -
whenever one thinks, "I got her", she flees;
the butterflies
will flicker her glimpse,
but only for a second
and maybe in one's dreams.

(c)kRu, 29.01.04-28.03.04
Cody Haag Nov 2015
Love is such an incredible thing. We all have this idea of what love is fed to us throughout our lives; when we are birthed into this world, we experience love, see love, are taught about love. But it's hardly captured properly, I think, in books and films and other things.

    See, loving another person is almost an undescribable thing. I know that I would do anything and everything, change anything and everything, be anything and everything for for the person I love. When I first started dating my boyfriend, he called himself by a different name. A society-deemed "feminine" name.

    His whole life, everyone referred to him as a girl. Told him he was a girl. They made him behave accordingly, and told him it was wrong to act the way he wanted. They mocked him for displaying any sort of behavior that was deemed "unladylike". He learned to not trust them because they refused to be what they needed to be: supportive.

    I started hanging out with him when he still identified as a girl. At the time, he still presented as a female, but despite me being gay, I became instantly captivated by him.

    We had been friends on the internet for a long time leading up to actually spending time together. We had a foundation, we had stories to tell and memories to share. I remember there being a spark; it didn't happen when I first saw him, for I did not fall in love with his appearance. The spark happened when I began interacting with him and realized that he made my heart happy in ways that NO ONE had EVER been able to achieve.

    We started dating. At the time, I was out as "bisexual". I use quotations only because I'm actually gay, not because bisexuals don't exist. My family accepted him, but believed him to be a girl. Hell, I believed him to be a girl. A masculine one, but still a female. But then he went through this period where he identified as gender fluid, and then, eventually, came out to me as being fully Transgender.

    I'm an accepting guy. My heart, as well as my mind, is open to so many things. It didn't matter to me that his body would be changing, for I hadn't fallen in love with the body in the first place. I am gay; I seeked him out not for his body, but for the person behind the mask, who loved me unconditionally and aided me through all of my life's struggles, of which there are many. I accepted him, calling him by his pronouns, his new name, and doing my best to make him comfortable.

    I experienced fear, but only because his body and voice - which I'd grown so accustomed to - would be changing once he began transition. I was worried that he would become unfamilliar; but one thing doesn't change: a person's heart.

    Ultimately, I learned that it's my duty to be there for him always; I learned that my love needs to be steadfast and that it can't waver. He needs me just as much as I need him; we serve as life-lines for each other, and can only thrive with each other.

    Love, to me, is blind to gender. Although I'm gay, and am only attracted to the male body, I fell in love with a biological female. I knew that I could spend my life with him like that, a woman, because I cared infinitely about him. Now, I know he is a man, and nothing has changed.

    I will encourage him and support him until my light stops. And even then I hope he clutches onto me, hears my voice in his ear when he's burdened, and knows that I loved him unquenchably and irrevocably.

    That's love.

— The End —