if my heart is an ocean
then my waves are stuck on you
with your words as thick as seaweed
that keep surfacing as i pursue
and as my tide gets high
i feel you find a place to hide
in the depths of all i’ve grown
you are swept away to find a home
but as my tide falls low
your truth comes out from down below
exposing heaviness you left in me
where i find sight to clearly see
that letting go of what could be
is how i finally set me free
The ocean through an opened window
Frontier between all that's known
riding out the waves as they come
A gull cries in passing
Waves sating themselves
in the womb of the earth
kissing the neck of Bride's Brook
Her seaweed streaming hair
in wind of tides
The moon's pull to release
coaxing spent and tender moans--
the farthest reach of sighs
Actually, this was from a place where I stayed on Cape Cod, MA.
Soft melodies of the deep sea echo
Moonlight dances on my pretty scales
And icy bubbles whirl under my vest
Through my slippery hair
And down into my lungs to clear the way for overflowing foam
Laughter splashes behind my lips as my anticipation rises
Waiting for a night of twisted fairy-tales and uncalled for surprises.
Shimmering bodies swarm in spirals
Grinding in unison with the waves crashing at the surface
We're anxious for overflowing foam and hidden treasures
Purple light pierces the dark like shards of crystals
Casting a ghostly shade on bulbous faces
Pressure rises as each wave surges
Whirlpools of hot breath suffocate our gills
But the sidelines are shallow
And stragglers float motionless
Hair like seaweed at the nape of his neck
Unbuttoned linen soaked and dripping
Her hollow eyes glow green
Like the jelly orbs of a fish under florescent lights
She’s pressed against a boy who has hooks for fins
Searching for the parts that are edible
Tender, Scale-less, Slippery
Nothing wrong with being the catch of the day
Bubbles rise and pop as the last melodies drown
Schools of us are begging for shiny hooks and bad decisions
A handsome boy has been smiling all the while
He’s caught in a fisherman’s net
Craving salty lips and the spell to make him a man
But fisherman don't care for little mermaids
With hearts like sea glass and no hidden treasures to steal
Sweaty fins splash and cheer
The fishbowl shatters
Sea glass spills out onto sand
We squirm and flop onto land
Gasping without air to breathe
As our mouths and ***** thoughts dry in the sun
Leaving behind fresh meat without mouths to feed.
Rainbow confetti was stuck in the grooves of my scales
Wet clothes left on the floor of a steamy bathroom
Gasping and moaning into tile
With the face of a handsome stranger
Because this meat shouldn't go to waste
And I'm drunken with desperation
For overflowing foam, jewels, and shiny hooks
But I'm just another fish in the sea
Tumbling in the waves with my rainbow confetti scales.
A school dance
As the Thunderbolt God Jupiter
Pursued his loves in disguise
The Goddess Hera sat upon her throne
Irritated and plotting
Gazing with angry jealous eyes
Oh, courageous intelligent Athena
****** Goddess of the hunt
Dare the foolish to cast eyes upon her unclothed
Under the sentence of a tortuous death
Its said by many she was not birthed
But sprang surprisingly from her father’s head
The lovely Aphrodite
Would melt the hearts of many a man
Who would offer up their life
For but a faint touch of her hand
The Light God Apollo admirer of the word, reciting poetry
Pluck the gold lyres delicate strings
While the sea god Poseidon’s twelve daughters
Dressed in dripping seaweed began to sing
Ares of the bold god of war
Feared conqueror and great warrior
As was his custom in the spring
Artemis in fervent haste strung her magical bow
For it was pursuit that stirred her blood
It flowed through her veins
Aged Roman wine
Running stags through shadowy woods
The gods of the Kings
The Gods of the people
To whom many sacrifices were made
Lived thousands of years beyond the lifespan of man
So, say the storytellers of olden times and past days
All right Reserved. Tammy M. Darby. Jan. 31, 2019
All Material Stored in Author Base
We are of the ocean
salt water green, lime and seaweed
clinging and threaded, verily suspended
in the far off edges, ebbing unseen
steeped in luminous moons, impossibly colored
a darkness, plumbing ageless depths of sea
strung with opulent pearls, swallowed by fields of sand
a light discovered in the shoal shimmering lands.
to see me
like I see you
eyeing the shine
not picking at
with gold dust
winking at flecks
in the fissures
I hope you find
what's calling you
to the bottom
and swim it to
the serifed shore
I'll help you
pick the seaweed
from your sunken shatters
and lick the grit
till I unlock
she is outspoken and bold
bold like the sun
bolder than an army of boulders
falling from a hillside
she is an avalanche
when there is nowhere left to run
she is despised by some
and others wish to fill her
with some old fashioned whisky
i am sanctified by her ways
and returned to my former glory
as this poem has tasted far better days
she is a morning glory
her eyes are like the petals of a flower
she is the Wordsworth of the decade
a wordsmith dancing in her own decay
i am essentially a target
a lost projectile in the arrow's path
she has coaxed me back to sanity
with her sardonic gestures
and her sarcastic use of wit
i am a nitwit she said
so i laugh and pick the flowers from her hair
slowly and soporifically
i am seaweed adrift in her bonnet
sandpaper scattered along the shoreline
remove the blind spectacles
and eat the lines i’ve written
a poem is just a candle anyway
to spray the eyes of infinity with lightning
mars is retrograde regardless
so i’ll just sit here and pretend
that i’m not too much of a target for her beauty
there's mud on the front steps
the pools in other people's houses always seem much cleaner than yours to you
when you dip your toes into the chlorine water you think that only the extremely lucky can be devoid of dirt
the thought lurches away from you with each tide your body makes
and you forget what you're really arguing about in the first place
like a band-aid that unsticks when you're not looking
leaving an exposed scab and an embarrassing gravity when you think of whoever will find it next
when driving through houses that all look alike and the expanse is nothing but dry look-alike lawns in the middle of lush trees you can
imagine if you really try that at the end of one of those roads it will eventually lead you to the beginning of the ocean you admire so much
the gravel road kissing sand for miles until you can feel the salty breeze lick your eyes
and once again nothing can hurt you
and once again you're pure in your actions
summer reminds me of riding the public bus with a cd player to big to fit in the pocket of my sweater
The ocean wasn’t blue enough for you
My man of seaweed eyes
And waves would dance and cry for you
But you swam below the surface
I tosed a coin into the well
And you flipped it back to me
A silly game of ask and tell
(I wish we could’ve touched)
The earth wasn’t hard enough for me
The girl with broken lungs
And birds would fly and cry for us
But I hide behind the window
You sent me a bottled message
I tossed it back to you unopened
A silly game of hide and seek
(I wish I could’ve found you)
When I was a bird, a crow
black winged upon the shore and sunning
in the tangle of days, salt and seaweed wrapped
watching oceans seep and move between the rocks,
the light jump away between the moss and blackened cracks
I waited for the warmth of afternoon, the reveal of seas retreating
watching waves, oysters and clams, the rolling of pebbled sands
hours in the drift, sifting shores for broken mollusk shells
all of my days dredging storms
of sea and sky.
I had a happy childhood,
it exists in my mind as the salty seaweed smell of the ocean and my mother's sun kissed garden.
My mother planted tomatoes and black eyed susans in her garden,
and her infinite love for my sister and I was reflected in everything she touched. Her garden was beautiful.
Everything she did was a labour of love;
a labour so strong it turned me into a prism, giving me the ability to love the world,
My mother's love shines through me.
I had a happy childhood.
At times the waves wash ashore
the fragments of a bygone memory,
little bottles in time, nothing more.
The gentle lull draws me closer,
to tears? maybe a smile or two,
submerged, just like my toes are.
Seaweed and shells, sit on sand,
and much like the present,
soon to drift, to unfamiliar lands.
It's cold in rolled up pants and sleeves,
and there isn't much left to see,
but there didn't need to be,
and so ~ I leave.
Composed at the beach.
I'm worn to a nub --
From harbouring feelings beneath this doc.
I drown in the high tide --
When the waves tuck in the sand
And sing starry lullabies.
I weep emptily --
A dehydrated wallow --
When the sea goes off to work in the early morning.
The same seaweed and tide pool soup for breakfast.
When will the moon return to its home
Within my rib cage?
I carried you for almost 7 months.
A small person in
My small 14 year old body.
I loved you with passion and fire.
I would whisper songs to you
Because I was not allowed to sing.
I would hold pillows as practice.
To holding you.
I would read to you in a whisper
Because he was illiterate.
And was jealous I knew how to read.
I lost you in a bathtub.
It was the place I crawled to when
I saw the blood.
We didn't have a phone
I couldn't call anyone.
I screamed for my mother
As I clawed at the porcelain.
I screamed to God
As I clawed at my swollen stomach.
The blood flowed.
I watched it pool at the drain.
Light at first, watery
Growing darker by the minute
Then begin to flow heavier.
The pressure to push was immense.
I wasn't even knowledgeable enough
To know my ******* would be in the way.
Until I felt your head inside them
I tore them off.
And you slipped out
Like a little eel.
You were perfect.
I held you and threw my head back
And screamed at the spotted
Rain damaged ceiling.
When I delivered the placenta
I thought my insides were falling out.
I knew before you even came into the
World that you would never see it.
You had stopped moving 5 hours before.
My little girl child.
Who was killed.
Stomped out of me by her
Own 19 year old father.
Because I refused to iron a shirt for him
To go out on a "Date"
He came home the next morning.
I had wrapped you in one of the two
Baby blankets I had.
After I washed both of us in the tub.
Where I marveled at the beauty of you.
All of your tiny fingers.
All of your tiny toes.
The way your legs were a froggy pose.
The roundness of your tummy.
The softness of your palm
Which is where I whispered
I love you over and over again.
I sobbed how sorry I was
Over and over again too.
As I cradled you naked
In my arms.
In that old bathtub
I begged him to bury you.
He refused and left for work.
Ran really. He ran out the door.
I didn't know it was ******,
I didn't know it was illegal.
So I buried you like I would
A beloved pet.
In my favorite purse.
With you in a diaper
Swaddled tightly in that baby blanket.
Under a tall palm tree.
Away from the scorched side
That I had burned the month before.
I only had boys after you.
I think you would have
(Loved life) Loved them.
You are only 10 months older
Than your oldest brother.
I still have your baby book
All the notes I wrote for you.
I stopped writing in that book
The day before I had you.
There are no words to say
Nothing that could've been writ
That I haven't said a million times
In my mind and heart daily.
Mine were the only arms that ever held you
Mine were the only eyes that seen you
I will carry you with me every day of my life
I hate ceramic Cherubs.
They remind me too much of you.
You never had a chance to live.
You didn't have a proper death
Beneath the rain stained ceiling
In that ramshackle shack.
I have lost 2 babies. One was stomped out of me at 7 months. One that I miscarried.
I personally would not have an abortion but I feel that every woman has the right to choose. I will never judge.
I have seen too many women have spontaneous abortions. One memorable one is a 13 year old who delivered a baby at approximately 20 weeks. I intubated and used a resuscitation bag between her legs because the baby was only half delivered. The umbilical cord was wrapped around the child's waist. She didn't survive.
The fetus starts developing the heart, spinal cord, kidneys etc... at about 5 weeks, at 6 weeks the heart starts beating, the baby can have hiccups, **** on their hand and grow fingernails.
I feel very sad that some women don't carry to term. I have had a lot of patients with Down syndrome. They are filled with happy love. And give the most loving hugs. But most also need lifetime care. (Unless extremely high functioning) who will love and protect them after the mother is gone? These are valid thoughts we women have. Not just about the wellbeing of the young baby but the adult child.
I have also supported women who via ultrasounds/sonography find that the baby has Anencephaly. This is not such a rare thing as people think. No brain or the skull is open. The prognosis for a baby like that is typically less than a day after they are born. Some women want to carry to term just to hold their baby. Some women choose to abort.
My sister had a Anencephalic baby. She found out at almost 6 months. She was injected with seaweed to widen the ****** and to absorb the moisture in the ******. Basically killing the baby with salt and suffocation. Then the baby was removed in pieces. I did not tell her the details of what was happening to her body. She would have been traumatized more. And honestly? She wouldn't have wanted to know.
I think the majority of women that choose abortions mourn their child. Your body is forced into thinking it had a baby. And most women go through a period of postpartum feelings including depression.
I worked for years in NICU. A neonatal intensive care. Some babies were born at 1 pound or less. The thing about working with pediatrics, neonate in particular, is that you see some horrific births. Chromosome anomalies that don't survive to even childhood. And the traumatized parents are heartrending.
Sorry for writing a book. I feel passionate about this subject. I will stop here
I was married at 14. A choice my mother made to emancipate me from the courts as a foster child.