"scunthorpe" poems
Now Janet
and John
had once met up.
For Janet
was Scottish
and John
from Scunthorpe.
Now John
wanted to be
at Janet's Birth Party
how surprised she would be.
But could not afford
the travel
So he knew
he post himself.
Climbing
inside the box
John just thought
she will be so surprised by me.
And right on time
the box Janet did receive
Ow what can it be
and taking a kitchen knife.
Did ****** it in into the box
straight thew poor Johns
eye him sitting there
bolt right up, exultingly.
Aug 16, 2014
Aug 16, 2014 at 3:30 PM UTC
Scunthorpe is justly famous for its ugliness
And the rampant lasciviousness of its inhabitants;
With what horror I recall encountering a gent there,
A seriously senior slapper, widely acclaimed as
The least inhibited pensioner in northern Lincolnshire.
In my gilded youth I'd wandered into the bar
Of some grotty hostelry and got propositioned by this old ****
On the pretext of offering to gift me fifty quid
He dragged me upstairs and ravished me totally,
Showing his elderly anatomy 's most private parts
In prurient abandon. Afterwards, I wondered how long
Before the myriad love bites on my buttocks would fade?
Nov 5, 2014
Nov 5, 2014 at 7:24 PM UTC
O but my quest for love
(or at least some hot ***** ***
has been a hard road, harder than gravel,
but finally I was pretty
sure that Eros' arrow had scored
a ******* bullseye
as I re-read the fifteen page email
of concentrated vile **** and obscenity
from the fabulously gorgeous teenage triplets
who were enamoured of me
and my open crotch photos;
certainly the accompanying attachments
of filth and sisterly depravity boded well
for our meeting, a picnic in the park.
My wildest dreams were exceeded
as I saw them waiting in their half-nude beauty
and, after a few bottles of champagne
and a crate of oysters (their treat),
they carried me off, cackling like sex-mad hens,
to their waiting chauffeur-driven Rolls-Royce
to take me to their promised penthouse pad
for a nuit d'amour never to be forgotten;
"Where are we going girls?" I enquired
and how I screamed when they answered Scunthorpe.
Sep 26, 2015
Sep 26, 2015 at 5:32 AM UTC
There's a lovely little place, in Scunthorpe,
I go whenever I can.
I try to visit it every day,
As does many a man.
Such wonderful times I've had there,
Memories I won't forget,
There's always something fun to do,
Particularly when it's wet.
Nov 16, 2012
Nov 16, 2012 at 1:33 AM UTC
(20 minute poetry)
Them old Romans had good ideas, burn down the cities, cut off your ears, but we didn't take heed,
preferring to bleed I suppose,
you can't smell 'jack **** when they lop off your nose and you can't poke it in to what doesn't concern,
let it burn.
And who gives a ****
the common man
the man on the street who treds warily?
Dragged into this world and dropped into the next,
who can expect any more?
I'm watching cities arise on the horizon and thinking they all look the same,
London
Paris
Scunthorpe and Rome, but what's in a name?
Babylon coming one day
when Jericho falls.
It's not trumpets I hear only
curses caulking
the back of my throat.
On a small boat in a big sea and later
the creator will be coming for me.
Always on the horizon,
eyes on the present and past.
Apr 20, 2016
Apr 20, 2016 at 2:36 AM UTC
The things sent to try me
flew by me,
the past went so fast and
the future won't last
very long
bleak?
I streaked like blue lightning
across the darkening storm clouds
and was fished out of the river
spent,
the past went so fast.
My gunpowder was louder when
I was young and stood prouder,
the cordite was alright until age
wrote the page on the face of this cliff.
and stiff are the joints
which all points
to a solidified end.
a bit like directions to Scunthorpe
which is.
somewhere up North.
Nov 20, 2017
Nov 20, 2017 at 2:02 PM UTC
It's like buying a one way ticket
to Scunthorpe or Southport or God help me
Ullapool,
only a fool would consider doing it
It's like asking for a shilling when
the electric goes and you're sat in
the wired up chair
Knock bleedin' knock is anyone home?
is there anyone inside there?
Sawdust?
Knowledge is a terrible thing and ignorance is full of undercurrents which drag you slowly to your doom.
Sep 23, 2017
Sep 23, 2017 at 12:50 AM UTC