See the sadness in my eye, if you took the time to look
But most people believe the lie, sinker line and hook
Embarresed to talk bout the feelings in my mind
So I internalize it all, get used to it in time
But the darkness never fades, it is always on the edge
Looking at these lines, that are dropping A from read
The scars will never disappear, remind me of my past
Even though I have moved on from that, fear that they aren't last
Still plague me in my dreams, wether waking or asleep
So I try to ignore the demons creeping out of me
They escape in time alone, but surrounded I'm no better
Short sleeves it's apparent, kinda like my scarlet letter
D for depression or M misunderstood
People say they're here to help, but tell me how you could
Do you get the pain I live with? Is it something you understand?
Do you lay awake at night, with a razor grasped in hand?
Does your arm run red, when the worlds too much to bear?
Or do you have another means to get you out your head?

So don't tell me you get it, sympathy for me's no good
Rather when you see me with my headphones on and hood
Don't tell me that it's nothing and don't think that you know better
Cause chances are there's reason behind wearin long sleeved sweaters
I don't mean to be scarin kids or give the wrong impression
It's just the more you know, the more you'll understand depression

It's sad how no one gets it, get judges it's so offensive
Like an expletive instead of answering a question
It's me, my scars my life
Not you, your kid your wife
Your ******* a bit too tight
Try to loosen up inside
Cause it's not your life that's ******
Not your problem you're in luck
Never wish this **** on anybody, no ifs ands or buts
Tormented by day, live with terror in the night
Cause the shade envelopes me no matter how I fight
Just gave up, my wall collapsed
Defenses didn't last
So I caved in let the darkness have a blast
Say it's just phase, **** I wish that **** were true
But it disappears then returners stronger in a day or two
The numbness creeps up higher, reaching for my brain
Then finally it's became part of every nerve and vein
Encompasses my body and it takes over control
Until the days fade together, looking like a blur
This is not a joke, you just probably don't know
Ive been dealin with this it's begun to take a toll

So don't tell me you get it, sympathy for me's no good
Rather when you see me with my headphones on and hood
Don't tell me that it's nothing and don't think that you know better
Cause chances are there's reason behind wearin long sleeved sweaters
I don't mean to be scarin kids or give the wrong impression
It's just the more you know, the more you'll understand depression

I get so **** frustrated when I hear these people hate
About how weird those scars look, they don't take a second or wait
Try to figure out the meaning, or the reasoning behind
All the anger or the sadness that could cause the kind of drive
That would force the decision to drag across your skin
A razor or a knife or a lit cigarette end
But to me that **** means something that to you it never could
Because livin it myself has brought me closer to
The truth that lies beyond what these people have forgot
It's not your place to judge anyone who's cut
Cause chances are your wrong, and you probably make worse
Cause from experience that won't make them think first
It's just another reason to be done with your surroundings
To disappear inside and become hard as granite
To live to die to choose
Some alleviate with *****
While others turn to pills or *** to get them out the mood

So don't tell me you get it, sympathy for me's no good
Rather when you see me with my headphones on and hood
Don't tell me that it's nothing and don't think that you know better
Cause chances are there's reason behind wearin long sleeved sweaters
I don't mean to be scarin kids or give the wrong impression
It's just the more you know, the more you'll understand depression

splinter of existence creepin' thru skin
when judgement day is scarin' ya guys
temples beatin' 888 beats per minute
as dreams of shelter be passin' by

remember merciless bob, the hyena?
used to shoot bullets like rashid stoogie
always mind da project's family tree, b
watts to frankfurt via lima, diz how we be

brothaz, almans, multihood, escalade in chrome
osmans *** some, naber abi, bana parayi ver
you won't survive the massacre of greed
palms grow inside frankfurt's wildlife

GBS, TPB, LA MINA, HOLZI, NORDI, BOKI
dey be too fierce for dem knocko boys
no jammin', silver colts in montenegro
special forces, dejan, heroine, grenades

choki predicted da richness, we be floatin'
ari goldman tower, sandstone, platinum coke
yugos, habibis, moruks, almans, pashto
marokks, habeshas, albans and kurds

man bites dog, anti-traitor, snares
lacerated cable, flashdeath in red and blue
palermo, cosa nostra, secret shipment
da antagonist be chained 'gainst ya brain, bro

we tear up pavements since we rule da planet
massacres, new age, 36ers, crenshaw, headrush
day of vendetta bros, senait forgot how to *** back
street dust be what ya smellin' in da projectz

bent body, similar to deceased city doves
her soul be glintin' among da 5-0 sirens
large scale operation, silverblack corpses
black dots in front of ya eyes, sista

harlem river houses, homeshadows, dough
the ghetto raises fierce and bloodthirsty men
2 for 60, flip it into 90 and mind the cut, kwame
ya peeps gotta eat, and don't forget youse momz

let's build towers from all dem stacks, luv bellywood
our camouflage be immaculate like 90% pure
rides on champagne in times of evil blood
we light up the night and rightfully keep turf

our home be 36 souls away, slums and the hamptons
in the kitchen, da fiend's addiction is boiling
e guitar sounds, we overrun ya people
and don't ya fear jail, we reign institutionz

I got a
      Crackhouse of mind
I got a
      square root of thyme
I gotta
      Trebek of head
I think my
      girlfriend is dead
I'm goin to
      find somethin free
Goin on a
      job hunt for me

Lookin for a
       Square peace of mind
Lookin for a
        high point in time
Thinkin ill go and
       drive to the beach
come here and
       extend your reach

I'm here to
     cut off some head
           fill a man with lead
     free up the joint
get to the point
     find a place with no disgrace
     then walk until i bleed

I don't got no gloves on
I appear to've lost my brain
      Got a flag on my arm
      Lookin for some men to disarm
Flick a fat double chin
Find a real quiet place to sin
      learn to play the guitar
      watch myself i'm goin far
Gonna sing about my work
Make a joke, and circle ****
         Make it last &
         make 'em cry
    Slice some apple pie
Goin to call Americana
        Scare the **** out of yer mamma
I hate what is here
Love to flash on the fear
Like to sing about the void
      stab the hearts outta little boys
Feel a fine sharp sensation
Beatin fuel out of the nation
       Light the embers of my fire
       Dodge the wind of my desire
And the bubbling flesh
Screams the songs of wit & death
       And if i die before i wake
       I pray the world my soul to fake

Shatter my brain cells
       lost in a fog
I've got to keep scarin'
      Wave a flashlight at a dog
Write down words too wicked fine
      I will be laughin' all the time
Just to make my day worthwhile
      While i keep it all on file
In company & crest we
     Stare at my blooded hairy chest
Where i inject my mescaline
      'til i look so ****** thin
Gonna reach into my ribcage
       Drive a car into the roadrage
Pour your blood into a fountain
       Make it mean all love's a mountain
                                                                  top
of
               One handed work for you to
                        look to the skies and smirk
I got to seizure on this table
             get down and write my wicked fable
          I can't can't write what I'm thinkin
                         less i break the law or start drinkin
I will tell you my emotions
Eat the acid
drink a potion
              I'll hold a candle to my name
              Push my ******* in the flames
Make you watch til i cry
Paintin glass onto my thighs
I'm a mad red eye patch
i got a bag of **** to match
I've got a match and cigarettes
I got a knife take it to the pets
Who can smash & love & cry
Take a blender make it mine
til I bleed on the gloves i received
               Tattoo a notebook on my life
Find a witness make a wife
               View the world through
Dark colored goggles So I can
               fight over anorexic models
Spend the nights in british flats
                makin sweet love for you cats
Hunt the vampires all day
                 So I can waste my life away
I got a ****** up state of mind
                in this quiet garden of mine
     where i just
plant weeds and smoke
& call all this life a joke
          til i waste away completely
or I could dig a hole discretely
          I could make coffee or tea
& wonder what this means to me
                            Who cares if there's blood on the table
                            Engraved with horseshit from the stable
And I'm gonna find a way to end
this wicked fable for the trend
                                                      **** a poem for the prose
the end of all this
                                                   the beholder shows us
                                                          the patterns on the wall

Young n my brains wired
Struggle to gain
Mis-directin' blame
I fade tired
Sloppy
Hopped up n snotty
Girl got a body
I'm scarin' off the hottie
Followin' footsteps wrecked
Strugglin' keepin the path in check
Hard graft when select
Mirages part
Any truth I have left

so many of these trolls want beef
but like i spark to a reef
ill set ya *** on fire
i got that fire that make ya *** retire sire
higher learning
keep my flows churning
til the early mourning
no yawning
by the time ya catch me
ill be in the next century
waitin' for any
emcee to test me they best to be
ready for my artillery
hittin' harder than ******
pay the piper
turn the beat up
wat ch me turn hyper
im.mixed with******* and propane
that means im gassed up
soon to blast up
any thing i touch i clutch
this world is mine
im too much handle
break through news scandals
got many houses near the florida panhandles
dont give a **** who in the way
ill pave a way tanks is what drive
you can check the snout
my bullets wipe a whole nation out
ima keep ******' as long as the ******* hummin'
dont make me have to summon
demons I stay schemin'
like sun rays im.beamin'
tag teamin'
with my army fatigue
break youdown slowly
like bacteria im scarin' ya
as i blowwww here i gooo


And where did i go
Ya lookin' for me
Say hello to my 44
Caliper
Keep you in check
I get respect
Aint scared of no lion tigers n bears
So i tell ya
Trolls beware ya in for a scare
Like R L stine
Chrck my glow as i shine
Brighter then the sun do
What the **** ya gone do
When come for you
Day or dark it dont matter
Im.antimatter
As the drummer is beatin'
Got all of ya tweekin'
Ya volume turn up my ****
Im hardest to hit
97 was my first gig
Who ever thougjt the lil skinny kid
Could rhymes like this
Punish like this
Im similar to pac n chris
Choke fools like Sprewell
Im livin' well cant ya tell
Im shell shocked veteran
Been throguh much pain
I couldn't take in
Death is on tha hunt galore
Once more
Blowin coco leaves
As i go
But cant find me
Why ? *** i aint hear no moe hahaha

There's a demon there
                     trick'lin down,
                                 trippin' me
                                         and grippin' down.


Think he's under the stairs, now
                             hidin' down there,
                                               spitin' me,
                                                    and bitin' down, there.


So I just sit up top,
        tearin' my hair out,
                 he's scarin' me down there,
                      I can feel him starin' me down.


Bet he won't just up and go away,
                            guess I've plumb forgot how to pray,
                                              plus we far from heaven here,
                                                                         So...
                                                             ...I bet he stay.

My dad and his friend driving out to the pasture to sit in the pickup truck and talk about what?  How the cows are doing, the upcoming hunting season, growing quail, fishing, the state of the country.
I don't know what these men talked about but they spent hours together.
While they were out talking Eunice and Marie sat smoking in the living room, discussing stuff. I could sit and listen to them for hours, but don't remember what they talked about. Maybe Marie would get out one of her poems or show my Mama some of her ceramics or paintings.
We girls would dance together the bop to the latest 50's music or we would ride our horses through the pastures and at night we would play Scarin' with their brother-a hide and seek game in the dark.
We spent every weekend together, eating greens, fried cornbread and chicken.  I always thought I was Marie's favorite because she was always so kind to me. She was a kind of Earth Mother, quite different from my own Mama.  Sometimes Sonny, the boy, would get in trouble because we girls would tell on him for throwing corncobs at us. Then Marie would go after him with a skillet, a switch or a paddle, whatever was handy.
Lamar had been in WWII and had been too close to a grenade. He developed terrible skin cancers which left horrid scars on his face. When I was 15, he died and Marie started working in the Catholic School so the three kids could still attend.
Here we were the Baptists (us) and the Catholics (them) never realizing that our friendship in rural Mississippi was a bit unusual.  Mama would lend her Bible to Marie because the Catholic church did not allow the people to read and interpret for themselves at that time.  
When we were really young, the family lived in an old unpainted two-story house with Lamar's Dad-Cap'n-a strict old grumpy German who we tried to stay away from.  We would come up from Louisiana when I was four and spend the night for the nine months we lived in Louisiana.
Saturday night baths were in a tub-four girls first, then Sonny last-he was a boy and the dirtiest.  No running water and a two-seater outhouse. Those were the days...