http://hellopoetry.com/poem/first-date-17/
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/first-date-ii/
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/first-date-iii/
(best read in order)

He blankets her with a mist that is fine and as pure as his postpartum soul is able to manifest. He’s sorry that she is sobbing on the dirt floor. He can’t think past the hunger that is beating upon her, which beats upon him. He is angry that his ancient predatory instincts are gaping to the fore.

   For the ancient being now gently weeping on a cold dirt floor.

Why did he not recognize her? How did he get so lax in the thinking that cattle could disguise it self?  A Wolf in Sheep’s clothing? Well... it’s not like he has not donned the same costume!

   He had been a Protector for so long. Rising each Sunset with the challenges that bring on the most predatory beasts that hunger for pain. He, alone, has stood beside Humanity to bring the world a semblance of normality, morality, a passing moment when they thought they were King of the world… but their inflated egos were never touched by doubt.
Because of him.

But she brings him down to the basest level.

   He feels…
    For her
     For her hunger
      For her emptiness
       For her utter contemptuousness


   She is the creature that he has been birthed to fight. The utter savageness that she brings forth when it becomes night.

He alone, in eternity, wanders the earth to make Mortal life the one thing that is right.

   She lifts her head from the cold dirt floor to stare at him. He materializes as a persona that should scare her, one that heralds Death, but his emotions are fraught with peril. She is important to him. He may have been birthed to bring Death but he was never denied that one could become his Life.

His pulse quickens, her eyes widen, her pulse quickens, he is afraid of the sight that lays bare in front of him. His fangs are buried deep in his bottom lip, he can not say a word even if his immortal soul depends on it.

   She licks her lips in hesitation, maybe anticipation; she could be licking her lips because of the small droplet of blood that lingers in the corner of her mouth. He wants to touch his tongue to said lips and cheek and ear and throat and, well HELL, he’s happy to continue south… as long as his tongue is touching skin…

   She looks away, briefly, and cries again. She is unable to fight past her hunger even though she has recognized the Protector.

She needs protecting too!

She’s so hungry!

But from the swelling of his body, *so is he…

I let myself drown asunder
Ignorance is bliss?
Or is it hum durgeon?
Do not utter the sage in you
Nor shun;
Let me lull
For today I unfurl my placid eyes
And let my drowsiness drift
Away from these snollygosters

Let these destined tides sweep through me
Whilst I gently rise,
From the ocean of rage, I rise
Drifting through notes of gentle souls
Amid these crimson glistening waves,
I bleed among roars
Whilst shores sway with sounds of tabret,
And skies dance in nacarat,
For never it welcomed; Redness,
Such unsullied, such stainless

Time hath gone, of Abel and Aron
Yet altercation wanders amongst age’s heron
Time hath gone, of forgiveness and mercy
For today, lines are re-drawn
The goodness is not your goodness
Nor dare ascertain, the mischief and nuisance
Tis but what divinely revealed
Is benevolence..
Today I unsheathed Tutankhamun’s dagger,
Today I stand against savageness
Today I paint my hands in color of mercilessness

There are times
When the clock
Stands still
And has no use at all

There are times
When the hourglass
Is empty
Without  a single speck of sand

There are times
When true love
Is not the fiery flame of bursting rose petals

But holds the guilty pleasure
Of a freshly exhaled cigarette
Crying its way into split grey and blue wall paper
Water stains splattered around
Like a shotgun blast
To the temple
Of Pollack

In this hour of stillness
The sound of dripping water
Is like
A solitary fortress
Filled with Ancient
Chinese gongs

The crow taunts with universal preciseness
Staining itself with blind savageness

They are like my ex's
Crying for
More and more
Love

Here
This place of pink eraser head monotony
Head bobbing as blue faced doctors
Flick their butts into the eyes of God
Their names being called half way through their break
Their lives being spent and bent around the dismal dead
Their lives to be revealed as the table of savage time slowly slowly turns
And they will look into the eyes of the young and say...
"That was me once"

But here
In this lapse between love and loneliness
Ambition and Ambivalence
Passion and Impotence
Elegance and Clumsiness

This place I
Clumsily
Naively
Stumbled upon

Where the block is ****** with heads
With all that have come before me
Strewn mile long entrails
Lining a wooded dust covered stage
As  thousands of peering peasants and tight tipped thieves and makeshift martyrs and raving royals
Watch
With keen and stale horror

Here where eyes and ears and teeth belong to everyone who has ever lost

Men and women
Lift their heads
Towards the last stretch
Of key clicking
Infinity

Here
In this place
I turn and stare into the gritty haze
Of the past

I turn again
Like the wheel of mismatched fortune
Toward the blinding illusion
Of a future
With no clear stars

In this place

A lone tree poses atop a hill of fire and death and freedom
And I stand
Beside it

As if
It were

My only

True

Friend

Wipe that teardrop from your cheek
Smooth the worries from your brow,
Go buy yourself that pretty frock
'Cos the Court Injunction's come through now.
All the hassle, all the fight
Evaporates and that's a fact.....
He gets to toss and turn tonight
For you're the cream that got the cat!

You turned it all around my pretty lady,
You saved the savage beating for the end.
You played a little ploy that emulated joy
But in fact it was a trap to make him bend.
And bend he did, my pretty, Oh how he did bend,
When the object of the exercise was clear,
He exposed his top ace card with unfortunate disregard
To resultant amputation's near and dear.
Now I'm not saying you are cruel little lady
I'm not saying you are anything but fair,
But the savageness of swipe does seem just a little trite
For he no longer brags about, what isn't there.

Moral of the story is simple, sweet and true
It's as plain as the nose upon your face,
If you're going to play about keep your trouser firmly out
Of the razor swiping range of lady space.


*As a poem this reads terribly...but it was an absolute giggle to create!
M.

In my forty-sixth year
I have learned to stay clear
of the pitfalls which once
befell me

Lessons I've learned
as the years burned
have turned out
to warn me

the voice in my head
quells urges to tread
where once  it seemed
I ran blindly

perspectives  have changed
like  land after the rains
have rushed by and scoured
it dry

feelings have changed
as I watch with dismay
society falling around me

the lines of the past
no longer last
blurring to a grey
hazy outline

it is claimed to be
kinder and gentler to thee
but a savageness
does underlie

all that remains
of the kindness that's claimed
cheap fascia, wrecked by the rain

gentleness does apply
to those who ask why
ignorant of their surrounds

a kick in the rear
still it appears
is truly a step forward

as I have related
these feelings belated
again the changes occur

to all I must say
thank you this day
for reading the
words from my soul

I dream of a world where we no longer think suffering is a prerequiste for happiness

I dream that I can stroll through crime ridden streets no longer fearing savageness

I dream that I can tell you I am 115 pounds of insecurity, that thinks you will laugh at her dreams of rapping

I dream your eyes loose their jealousy while your hands are clapping

I dream to not fear falling in love
Because wolves have made it into a word most girls know nothing of

I dream the world in my head comes to life
And instead of keeping me awake, the world is seen in a new light

I dream I don't have anxiety about who I am
Because everyone already knows me, and I am finally my own biggest fan

I dream my children can actually know the truth about the world they live in
Instead of comfortably accepting a veil that's too thin

I dream our freedom can exist without having to be defended
I dream that one day people won't be so in love with the idea of being offended

I dream that eventually another pair of eyes will fall on me for the first time the way yours did
and also give them the knowledge that they will love me someday, but they will already know how to forgive

I dream we can outgrow these devices that connect us through disconnection

I dream when I open my physical mailbox inside lies a letter expressing one's truest affection

I dream, larger and with more fury than any other dream, for the moment when everyone realizes being happy starts with just being...happy

I dream for fear of waking

Waking fog I trip through the smog of memories misfit two step
Lyrics of lore gone past for bore of thoughts float off for evermore
Now awaken I speak in tone crack my bones as my lover is with no other
Fast to speak quick to the week I carry my soul in a soft pinkish bag
Surrounded by strangers that act much tamer then I ever wish to do
They are old timid watch this and that on an old unowned TV set
I stare as I wear my sleeves tucked in with no ounce of fear
Listen to the whistle of the horses galloping through the meadows there
Money separates us from animals but still that savageness
The deep natural fear is still
Quite there

It is very strange to be a man, schooled in the acts of love by the writings of Anais Nin and Pablo Neruda, living in this place. So absurd to be told by women expecting savageness that he is gentle, that he is kind, that he is something other than what they have known before and yet...this very tenderness is what drives them away in the morning. I am not an idiot, I know what a seeming contradiction this is. Perhaps I have some failing I'm not aware of, perhaps my guess at what the women I make love to really want is a complete falsehood. I suppose that is probably correct, considering my experience and what I'm told men should do to women. "Yes, a good, swift and utterly meaningless **** in a bathroom or a car, just give it to them ***** like an almost ****, that's what the girls want...your **** and nothing else."
Yet the women I've spoken to purely platonically want and need the exact opposite, but seem to have given up on anything beyond it. I'm at a loss, completely befuddled by what I feel in my heart, and what I've experienced.

What sick process turned a man's tenderness into closet homosexuality?
What terrible ******* turned a woman's need for warmth and love into a weakness?

The Moon in the sky
Is for every one to see
To call it yours is a lie
Because it only speaks to me

It pulls on my soul
It whispers in my ear
It makes me whole
It makes me listen even when I don't want to hear

Savageness in my thoughts
Sadness in my Heart
Sanity rots
Soulful inspiration to create my art

I wish it would end
It is relentless in its pulling
It twists me and I cant defend
But I will never stop looking

Our Soul and Our Senses…are not bounded by any Fences.

But reveries of our eyes have held them back.

We want to get flown…with winds being blown.

But our errands have shackled us.

Eternal and Blissful is our Magic…how can it be tragic.

But there will be time where we will face hiccups.

Hand in hand we walk…let other just talk.

Savageness of the world can’t be restrained.

We have been together… like been tied with a golden tether.

So it will be us who will make sure that we don’t be apart.

We met through the Serendipity…we don’t have any room to be pity.

Hence boohooing should not be the selection.

Only life and death are certain…show your sorrows a curtain.

These ups and downs are part and parse of life…so stop feeling it in not alive.

every second i wanted to say i love you,
but was afraid if you would say i love you too.
cz once there was things which were just for me.
but now?
i don't know.
i am too afraid to Know about you.
cz i am afraid i will fall for you.
i fall for your simplicity
i will fall for your savageness
i will fall for how beautifully you describe a story which is not exciting at all.
but,
to be honest,
i am not brave,
i am not brave enough to give you hope.
i am not brave enough to see you laughing with other person.
i am not brave enough to see you laugh when i am not around
cz every second somebody is falling for you
your options are increasing
and mine?
just you.

I bet you weren’t alert of my struggles as a kid

                              It contributed to many of the immature things I did

                  Suffering in silence from an illness I was not cognizant about

                              And others didn’t fathom it either, I was constantly bombarded with shame and doubt

                A quote un-quote shy, tensed, quiet girl

                              That’s what many perceived me as, oh what an ignorant world

                And I wasn’t immune to the ignorance,

                              I played a part in that role

            But there was lack of information

                              Regarding what I now know

          There were heavy times in school

                            For not meeting everyone’s standards

And I still can reminisce on all the mocking and laughter
                        
                        I specifically remember always sitting in class

      And wanting to participate, but the anxiety wouldn’t let me raise my hand

                    And I remember the pen in my hand
Students across from me proclaiming, “dang girl, stop writing so fast”
  

                        I recall the tedious questions, why are you so shy? Why are you so quiet?

      Hearing that on a constant basis, was oh so extremely tiring

                        Tiring because I didn’t know what was going on deep down

    I was only a kid, and remember, I didn’t know what I know now

                          I still have the memories that haunt me

  Like sitting at a lunch table, appearing as if I was petrified to eat

                          And others would question, why do you look scared?

    I could not reply, so I would just stare

                        Their words smacked me with shame,

  And left my mouth locked

                        Confusion, Embarrassment, resides in my thoughts

I would want a drink, from the vending machine

      But those anxious thoughts, begun to suffocate me

I’d get up and pass, so many students
      
Nervous to the point, I would rather be in ruins
          
        I would sit back down, and the question returned

Why you’re so shy? That question burned
        
          The guilt cut me hard, and I just could not sip

The thing that I wanted, that one tasty drink

              I pushed it aside, this couldn’t be life

  And I can recall report cards, I always did well

                        in classes

  But one discomforting comment from teachers turned my confidence to ashes

                  It was always, she is so quiet, she is so reserved

Every time when reading that, I covertly felt the hurt

                Because it would always remind me of my flaw

  It was unknown anxiety, covered and all

                Let's take a ride to Washington Heights, the hood I grew up in

  Oh, the memories that randomly visit me, then the shame begins

                  Subconsciously wanting others to fill my unknown void

  Doing reckless, ingenuous things

                    Forgive me, I didn't mean to annoy

  Acting like a child, & always speaking rapidly and quick

                I glance at my past now; I didn't know I was sick

  Apprehensive of neighbors’ sly mental judgments

            Didn’t properly conversate at times, Anxiety left me reluctant

  And I also recall, becoming dizzy in streets,
Invasion of nerves, took over my being

            At times, I stood up, in the middle of night, and begun to purge, the demons inside

I lost much great weight, I was shocked and surprised

              I’d come home from school, and not say a word

Would go straight to bed, depression occurred

Fast forwarding, I have a diagnosis

            I am a socially anxious person, A naive kid didn't know this

  I look at past behaviors, and now a lot makes more sense

              It was a hidden mental illness that left me in distress

  And even lack of experience played a major part in my savageness

          Who knew a mental disorder could interfere with maturity & with what one did?

  Individuals always claiming, "Oh, she's so innocent and naive"

          It's peculiar an anxiety disorder did this to me

  But now I have wisdom, now I have strength

          I have gained much experience, on life's various subjects

  Do you think you can play me, or take advantage again?
            
              Dig information out of me, without my consent?

  I've grown and I've learned, I am not who I was then

              But I’m smarter now, I understand why you did what you did

She’s a sharp-eyed warrior, Her epithet? Label her a detective

                You would not even guess my passions & interests now

You would not even guess, the things I know now

              And  I realize now, you had insecurities yourself

So, it was always a competition, to see who did well

                But we all have our demons, so I have nothing against you

Everyone deals with things; times are happy & times are blue

                  You also had voids, you needed fulfillment

Trying to impress others, as if they could they fill it

                    Give me a break, people will tear you like paper

You worship the creature, rather than the creator

                      I’m not better than you & you’re not better than I

We come from the same God, who produced darkness and formed light

                      We’ve all met pain; we’ve all met hurt

And it never fails to remind me, that sometimes you win & sometimes you learn

                I still have certain traits, that the Lord blessed me with

    I'll use it for good, and I'll use it for Him

              Wise as a serpent, and gentle as a dove

    This girl you see now is not who she was

              That Kim from the past strolled out the door

      That Kim from the past is not me anymore ✌🏻

Tiny, does the sun go
Followed by the snow down
Ever as a shower in steam

Shallow, goes the systems
Out like a fire, rising
Sparks and they spread throughout the brain

Mythic, misting asteroids are crashing on the brakes
Swerving and you’re missing but you’re christ-like all the same

Glyphs are losing meaning on displays of melted grass
Gasses matronize a pattern, tanning on the mass

Squirming, does the chimp go
Crashing through the planet
Taking selfies with the blood and its core

Comment on my face
See, stressing for this weekend
Acting like you’ve been to space at all before

I would be an astronaut but who would beam me back
As it’s clearly known that Texas ain’t now on the map

Piling into a void, a horror seldom met
Practicing a breathing technique as it’s time for bed

Forward can we all go
Float and look away from
The past as none can spin themselves awise

Sky’s black in eye
And masking in between
A passing glance of our in-passing souls demise

Mourning what’s a bed of little matter accidents
Morning corks the breath in which we sigh its savageness

Storming takes the moon across our bodies limp orbit
Torrenting that morbid, now red heavenly orphan

The tears look dried
We exercise
Our broken, fated pioneer

This sense, this blear
We’ll all ascend
In death us surely owed a new frontier

When did  all crumble?

When did relationship became
A gamble?

When did all snuggles
Became struggles?

And  those cuddles
Became pain bundles,

And those kisses
Became awful hisses,

The better caring
Became the bitter missing

When did depression take
The stage?

And Anxiety dance with
epic courage,

When did Sorrow croans trying to hide
its savageness,

And Loneliness lavitate freely
like
An eroded bird from its cage,

When did your break up became
A make up?

Reese’s pieces scattered on the floor,
Different species like E.T but yet I’m deemed a predator.
Got the heart like a triceratops but looked at as a raptor to the cops.
Population drops; more like population control.
Darkened representation that be invading normative rules.
Starving depression that gets sliced open like a c-section.
All based on first impressions, all based on racist predispositions.
I say Watson this **** sure locks us in a precarious position?
No wonder the majority of minority’s are in prison!
Which then makes me wonder about authority and how it’s chosen?
For I don’t see the wisdom?
And in this rigged prism based elections,
I wonder why there hasn’t been any correction?
Maybe there is a conspiracy correlation,
That believes coloured folk are the ones that need correction.
Making coats with our lost kin,
Then rationalizing the destruction of seven generations.
Which then brews hatred that kills any validation.
Then to take matters worse they took our blood for their ink quill to write on the constitution.
Which is an intrusion on our human rights son!
Man whiteness is such an infection,
That gets injected into everything and everyone. **** what a great invention.
Investing into slavery, genocide, drugs, and prostitution.
Country build from the bones of primitives,
Man I haven’t seen such a betrayal since Samson feel victim to seduction!
I get it everyone got a hierarchy of needs like they Maslow!
And as the cash flows like riddles, snitches start packing so I got no time to fiddle.
For guns are more popular than instruments, and that was so instrumental in me being jailed by these corrupt governments!
**** the establishment!
For they think they subtle trying to fiddle with the actual documents.
Thinking only one fib will do,
Then the next thing ya know,
that one gets turned into two-thousand twenty two!
Telling us to respect the rules they broke,
Getting tangled up like fools yet we say there ain’t no strings on me!
Where’s Shakespeare because that’s quite an ironically sad tragedy!
**** these institutionalized structures where the rich slip through the cracks.
Where the one’s in poverty get sacked!
Where the blues spread from the use of a sax, where jazz shattered the glass!
Then rap took the mantle to disperse the facts, for being shackled impacts like income tax.
And I don’t know about you but I’m not ok with scraps, or getting the strap!
For slavery is the back bone of this country, yet whites try to subtract this dark history.
Time to pay up for I’m not ok with just a sorry!
Sorry if I lack classiness,
Sorry if you can’t handle my savageness!
But in a land of supposed progress?
It doesn’t seem like a success!
For this slow process feels like a tightrope or game of chess.
Feeling so frustrated and aggravated,
Wondering whether to do a peaceful or violent protest?
Who cares if we are emancipated,
When society is constipated!
Why do we have to make this so complicated?
Do we have to start resorting to stripping and going down on our knees like king David?
Do we continue being ok with being domesticated?
Can we be rehabilitated when the actions of our past was premeditated?
Idk man all I know is that’s just the way I see it

She was a hungry lioness, with an insatiable appetite when it came to him. With no inhibitions when claiming her feed, she devoured the very roots from his soul and he made no attempts to stop her, he just relented to the savageness of it all.

We are all liers
No love is made. Racism? Tell
your agony. Money flies.

The faith is negated.
Talking to sun. Lot's of misery.
Savageness. Anxiolytic prevails.

How will you look at
the moon? The muse! Can go
silently for a suicide?

What do I speak of?
Of self-actualization and the pursuit of happiness
Of class movements, where you are not stuck where you are for life
I speak of what the fathers wrote,
I speak of our fathers' hopes.
Before those slavers from Europe,
Did what they always did well.
Before they slaughtered who should have been sisters & brothers
In this beautiful land, in our united country
You have been robbed of your destinies
They split us up into factions
From broken borders, to cliques
Secret courts, where throats are choked
Like behind closed doors
Information they keep from you
Or hold over your head
Like a rope around the neck
From freaks who feel nothing but empty
And only feel pleasure from deriving pain
Who are concerned with only their own back
Not even sacred is family
Blood is like water
All that matters is physical pleasure for the self

Remember our westward expansion,
God was not there with us.

It was savageness perpetrated
On a native populace