Victor D. López (October 11, 2018)

You were born five years before the beginning of the Spanish civil war and
Lived in a modest two-story home in the lower street of Fontan, facing the ocean that
Gifted you its wealth and beauty but also robbed you of your beloved and noblest eldest
Brother, Juan, who was killed while working as a fisherman out to sea at the tender age of 19.

You were a little girl much prone to crying. The neighbors would make you cry just by saying,
"Chora, neniña, chora" [Cry little girl, cry] which instantly produced inconsolable wailing.
At the age of seven or eight you were blinded by an eye Infection. The village doctor
Saved your eyesight, but not before you missed a full year of school.

You never recovered from that lost time. Your impatience and the shame of feeling left behind prevented
You from making up for lost time. Your wounded pride, the shame of not knowing what your friends knew,
Your restlessness and your inability to hold your tongue when you were corrected by your teacher created
A perfect storm that inevitably tossed your diminutive boat towards the rocks.

When still a girl, you saw Franco with his escort leave his yacht in Fontan. With the innocence of a girl
Who would never learn to hold her tongue, you asked a neighbor who was also present, "Who is that Man?"
"The Generalissimo Francisco Franco," she answered and whispered “Say ‘Viva Franco’ when he Passes by.”
With the innocence of a little girl and the arrogance of an incorrigible old soul you screamed, pointing:

"That's the Generalissimo?" followed up loud laughter, "He looks like Tom Thumb!"
A member of his protective detail approached you, raising his machine gun with the apparent intention of
Hitting you with the stock. "Leave her alone!" Franco ordered. "She is just a child — the fault is not hers."
You told that story many times in my presence, always with a smile or laughing out loud.

I don't believe you ever appreciated the possible import of that "feat" of contempt for
Authority. Could that act of derision have played some small part in their later
Coming for your father and taking him prisoner, torturing him for months and eventually
Condemning him to be executed by firing squad in the Plaza de Maria Pita?

He escaped his fate with the help of a fascist officer who freed him as I’ve noted earlier.
Such was his reputation, the power of his ideas and the esteem even of friends who did not share his views.
Such was your innocence or your psychic blind spot that you never realized your possible contribution to
His destruction. Thank God you never connected the possible impact of your words on his downfall.

You adored your dad throughout your life with a passion of which he was most deserving.
He died shortly after the end of the Spanish Civil War. A mother with ten mouths to feed
Needed help. You stepped up in response to her silent, urgent need. At the age of
Eleven you left school for the last time and began working full time.

Children could not legally work in Franco’s Spain. Nevertheless, a cousin who owned a cannery
Took pity on your situation and allowed you to work full-time in his fish cannery factory in Sada.
You earned the same salary as the adult, predominantly women workers and worked better
Than most of them with a dexterity and rapidity that served you well your entire life.

In your free time before work you carried water from the communal fountain to neighbors for a few cents.
You also made trips carrying water on your head for home and with a pail in each hand. This continued after
You began work in Cheche’s cannery. You rose long before sunrise to get the water for
Home and for the local fishermen before they left on their daily fishing trips for their personal water pails.

All of the money you earned went to your mom with great pride that a girl could provide more than the salary of a
Grown woman--at the mere cost of her childhood and education. You also washed clothes for some
Neighbors for a few cents more, with diapers for newborns always free just for the pleasure of being
Allowed to see, hold spend some time with the babies you so dearly loved you whole life through.
When you were old enough to go to the Sunday cinema and dances, you continued the
Same routine and added washing and ironed the Sunday clothes for the young fishermen
Who wanted to look their best for the weekly dances. The money from that third job was your own
To pay for weekly hairdos, the cinema and dance hall entry fee. The rest still went to your mom.

At 16 you wanted to go to emigrate to Buenos Aires to live with an aunt.
Your mom agreed to let you--provided you took your younger sister, Remedios, with you.
You reluctantly agreed. You found you also could not legally work in Buenos Aires as a minor.
So you convincingly lied about your age and got a job as a nurse’s aide at a clinic soon after your arrival.

You washed bedpans, made beds, scrubbed floors and did other similar assigned tasks
To earn enough money to pay the passage for your mom and two youngest brothers,
Sito (José) and Paco (Francisco). Later you got a job as a maid at a hotel in the resort town of
Mar del Plata whose owners loved your passion for taking care of their infant children.

You served as a maid and unpaid babysitter. Between your modest salary and
Tips as a maid you soon earned the rest of the funds needed for your mom’s and brothers’
Passage from Spain. You returned to Buenos Aires and found two rooms you could afford in an
Excellent neighborhood at an old boarding house near the Spanish Consulate in the center of the city.

Afterwards you got a job at a Ponds laboratory as a machine operator of packaging
Machines for Ponds’ beauty products. You made good money and helped to support your
Mom and brothers  while she continued working as hard as she always had in Spain,
No longer selling fish but cleaning a funeral home and washing clothing by hand.

When your brothers were old enough to work, they joined you in supporting your
Mom and getting her to retire from working outside the home.
You lived with your mom in the same home until you married dad years later,
And never lost the bad habit of stubbornly speaking your mind no matter the cost.

Your union tried to force you to register as a Peronista. Once burned twice cautious,
You refused, telling the syndicate you had not escaped one dictator to ally yourself with
Another. They threatened to fire you. When you would not yield, they threatened to
Repatriate you, your mom and brothers back to Spain.

I can’t print your reply here. They finally brought you to the general manager’s office
Demanding he fire you. You demanded a valid reason for their request.
The manager—doubtless at his own peril—refused, saying he had no better worker
Than you and that the union had no cause to demand your dismissal.

After several years of courtship, you and dad married. You had the world well in hand with
Well-paying jobs and strong savings that would allow you to live a very comfortable life.
You seemed incapable of having the children you so longed for. Three years of painful
Treatments allowed you to give me life and we lived three more years in a beautiful apartment.

I have memories from a very tender age and remember that apartment very well. But things changed
When you decided to go into businesses that soon became unsustainable in the runaway inflation and
Economic chaos of the Argentina of the early 1960’s. I remember only too well your extreme sacrifice
And dad’s during that time—A theme for another day, but not for today.

You were the hardest working person I’ve ever known. You were not afraid of any honest
Job no matter how challenging and your restlessness and competitive spirit always made you a
Stellar employee everywhere you worked no matter how hard or challenging the job.
Even at home you could not stand still unless there was someone with whom to chat awhile.

You were a truly great cook thanks in part to learning from the chef of the hotel where you had
Worked in Mar del Plata awhile—a fellow Spaniard of Basque descent who taught you many of his favorite
Dishes—Spanish and Italian specialties. You were always a terribly picky eater. But you
Loved to cook for family and friends—the more the merrier—and for special holidays.

Dad was also a terrific cook, but with a more limited repertoire. I learned to cook
With great joy from both of you at a young age. And, though neither my culinary skills nor
Any aspect of my life can match you or dad, I too am a decent cook and
Love to cook, especially for meals shared with loved ones.

You took great pleasure in introducing my friends to some of your favorite dishes such as
Cazuela de mariscos, paella marinera, caldo Gallego, stews, roasts, and your incomparable
Canelones, ñoquis, orejas, crepes, muñuelos, flan, and the rest of your long culinary repertoire.
In primary and middle school dad picked me up every day for lunch before going to work.

You and he worked the second shift and did not leave for work until around 2:00 p.m.
Many days, dad would bring a carload of classmates with me for lunch.
I remember as if it were yesterday the faces of my Jewish, Chinese, Japanese, German, Irish
And Italian friends when first introduced to octopus, Spanish tortilla, caldo Gallego, and flan.

The same was true during college and law school.  At times our home resembled an
U.N. General Assembly meeting—but always featuring food. You always treated my
Closest friends as if they were your children and a number of them to this day love
You as a second mother though they have not seen you for many years.

You had tremendous passion and affinity for being a mother (a great pity to have just one child).
It made you over-protective. You bought my clothes at an exclusive boutique. I became a
Living doll for someone denied such toys as a young girl. You would not let me out of your sight and
Kept me in a germ-free environment that eventually produced some negative health issues.

My pediatrician told you often “I want to see him with ***** finger nails and scraped knees.”
You dismissed the statement as a joke. You’d take me often to the park and to my
Favorite merry-go-round. But I had not one friend until I was seven or eight and then just one.
I did not have a real circle of friends until I was about 13 years old. Sad.

I was walking and talking up a storm in complete sentences when I was one year old.
You were concerned and took me to my pediatrician who laughed. He showed me a
Keychain and asked, “What is this Danny.” “Those are your car keys” I replied. After a longer
Evaluation he told my mom it was important to encourage and feed my curiosity.

According to you, I was unbearable (some things never change). I asked dad endless questions such as,
“Why is the sun hot? How far are the stars and what are they made of? Why
Can’t I see the reflection of a flashlight pointed at the sky at night? Why don’t airplanes
Have pontoons on top of the wheels so they can land on both water and land? Etc., etc., etc.

He would answer me patiently to the best of his ability and wait for the inevitable follow-ups.
I remember train and bus rides when very young sitting on his lap asking him a thousand Questions.
Unfortunately, when I asked you a question you could not answer, you more often than not made up an answer Rather than simply saying “I don’t know,” or “go ask dad” or even “go to hell you little monster!”

I drove you crazy. Whatever you were doing I wanted to learn to do, whether it was working on the
Sewing machine, knitting, cooking, ironing, or anything else that looked remotely interesting.
I can’t imagine your frustration. Yet you always found only joy in your little boy at all ages.
Such was your enormous love which surrounded me every day of my life and still does.

When you told me a story and I did not like the ending, such as with “Little Red Riding Hood,”
I demanded a better one and would cry interminably if I did not get it. Poor mom. What patience!
Reading or making up a story that little Danny did not approve of could be dangerous.
I remember one day in a movie theater watching the cartoons I loved (and still love).

Donald Duck came out from stage right eating a sandwich. Sitting between you and dad I asked you
For a sandwich. Rather than explaining that the sandwich was not real, that we’d go to dinner after the show
To eat my favorite steak sandwich (as usual), you simply told me that Donald Duck would soon bring me the sandwich. But when the scene changed, Donald Duck came back smacking his lips without the sandwich.

Then all hell broke loose. I wailed at the top of my lungs that Donald Duck had eaten my sandwich.
He had lied to me and not given me the promised sandwich. That was unbearable. There was
No way to console me or make me understand—too late—that Donald Duck was also hungry,
That it was his sandwich, not mine, or that what was on the screen was just a cartoon and not real.

He, Donald Duck, mi favorite Disney character (then and now) hade eaten this little boy’s Sandwich. Such a Betrayal by a loved one was inconceivable and unbearable. You and dad had to drag me out of the theater ranting And crying at the injustice at top volume. The tantrum (extremely rare for me then, less so now) went on for awhile, but all was well again when my beloved Aunt Nieves gave me a ******* with jam and told me Donald had sent it.

So much water under the bridge. Your own memories, like smoke in a soft breeze, have dissipated
Into insubstantial molecules like so many stars in the night sky that paint no coherent picture.
An entire life of vital conversations turned to the whispers of children in a violent tropical storm,
Insubstantial, imperceptible fragments—just a dream that interrupts an eternal nightmare.

That is your life today. Your memory was always prodigious. You knew the name of every person
You ever met, and those of their family members. You could recall entire conversations word for word.
Three years of schooling proved more than sufficient for you to go out into the world, carving your own
Path from the Inhospitable wilderness and learning to read and write at the age of 16.

You would have been a far better lawyer than I and a fiery litigator who would have fought injustice
Wherever you found it and always defended the rights of those who cannot defend themselves,
Especially children who were always your most fervent passion. You sacrificed everything for others,
Always put yourself dead-last, and never asked for anything in return.

You were an excellent dancer and could sing like an angel. Song was your release in times of joy and
In times of pain. You did not drink or smoke or over-indulge in anything. For much of your life your only minor Indulgence was a weekly trip to the beauty parlor—even in Spain where your washing and ironing income
Paid for that. You were never vain in any way, but your self-respect required you to try to look your best.

You loved people and unlike dad who was for the most part shy, you were quite happy in the all-to-infrequent
Role as the life of the party—singing, dressing up as Charlie Chaplin or a newborn for New Year’s Eve parties with Family and close friends. A natural story-teller until dementia robbed you of the ability to articulate your thoughts,
You’d entertain anyone who would listen with anecdotes, stories, jokes and lively conversation.

In short: you were an exceptional person with a large spirit, a mischievous streak, and an enormous heart.
I know I am not objective about you, but any of your surviving friends and family members who knew you
Well will attest to this and more in a nanosecond. You had an incredibly positive, indomitable attitude
That led you to rush in where angels fear to treat not out of foolishness but out of supreme confidence.

Life handed you cartloads of lemons—enough to pickle the most ardent optimist. And you made not just
Lemonade but lemon merengue pie, lemon sorbet, lemon drops, then ground up the rind for sweetest
Rice pudding, flan, fried dough and a dozen other delicacies. And when all the lemons were gone, you sowed the Seeds from which extraordinarily beautiful lemon trees grew with fruit sweeter than grapes, plums, or cherries.

I’ve always said with great pride that you were a far better writer than I. How many excellent novels,
Plays, and poems could you have written with half of my education and three times my workload?
There is no justice in this world. Why does God give bread to those without teeth? Your
Prodigious memory no longer allows you to recognize me. I was the last person you forgot.

But even now when you cannot have a conversation in any language, Sometimes your eyes sparkle, and
You call me “neniño” (my little boy in Galician) and I know that for an instant you are no longer alone.
But too son the light fades and the darkness returns. I can only see you a few hours one day a week.
My life circumstances do not leave me another option. The visits are bitter sweet but I’m grateful for them.

Someday I won’t even have that opportunity to spend a few hours with you. You’ll have no
Monument to mark your passing save in my memory so long as reason remains. An entire
Life of incalculable sacrifice will leave behind only the poorest living legacy of love
In your son who lacks appropriate words to adequately honor your memory, and always will.


*          *          *

The day has come, too son. October 11, 2018. The call came at 3:30 am.
An hour or two after I had fallen asleep. They tried CPR in vain. There will be no more
Opportunities to say, “I Love you,” to caress your hands and face, to softly sing in your ear,
To put cream on your hands, or to hope that this week you might remember me.

No more time to tell you the accomplishments of loved ones, who I saw, what they told me,
Who asked about you this week, or to pray with you, or to ask if you would give me a kiss by putting my
Cheek close to your lips, to feel joy when you graced me with many little kisses in response,
Or tell you “Maybe next time” when as more often than not the case for months you did not respond.

In saying good bye I’d give you the kiss and hug Alice always sent you,
Followed by three more kisses on the forehead from dad (he always gave you three) and one from me.
I’d leave the TV on to a channel with people and no sound and when possible
Wait for you to close your eyes before leaving.

Time has run out. No further extensions are possible. My prayers change from asking God to protect
You and by His Grace allow you to heal a little bit each day to praying that God protect your
Soul and dad’s and that He allow you to rest in peace in His kingdom. I miss you and Dad very much
And will do so as long as God grants me the gift of reason. I never knew what it is to be alone. I do now.

Four years seeing your blinding light reduced to a weak flickering candle in total darkness.
Four years fearing that you might be aware of your situation.
Four years praying that you would not feel pain, sadness or loneliness.
Four years learning to say goodbye. The rest of my life now waiting in the hope of seeing you again.

I love you mom, with all my heart, always and forever.

Ambar ki aftaabi mein muskurata hai tu
Samundar ki gehrayeon se gunjtah hai tu
al-Ala As-Salām, al-ʻAziz As-Salām

Darkht ke  har patton mein lehrata hai tu
Baarish ki har boond se barasta hai tu
al-Ala As-Salām, al-ʻAziz As-Salām

Har takhayyul mein nazar aaye tera hi kalam
Innayat rahe hum pe sada tera bas karam
al-Ala As-Salām, al-ʻAziz As-Salām

Har tassavur mein hai  teri hi tasveer
Muqqamal karde ab meri bhi taqdeer
al-Ala As-Salām, al-ʻAziz As-Salām

Har nabz ke tarranum mein gun gunata hai tu
Har labz ko mere haathon se likhata hai tu
al-Ala As-Salām, al-ʻAziz As-Salām

Kabool kare meri ibadat mera ye junoon
samet le kadmo mein, mil jaye sukoon
al-Ala As-Salām, al-ʻAziz As-Salām

Translation
Your smile is in the radiance of the skies
Your sounds echo  from the depths of the ocean
the most High, source of peace, the most glorious , source of peace

You sway in every leaf of a tree
you are in every drop of the rains
the most High, source of peace, the most glorious , source of peace

behind every thought is your pen
continue to grace us always with kindness
the most High, source of peace, the most glorious , source of peace

In every portrait, I see your image
help me complete my destiny
the most High, source of peace, the most glorious , source of peace

you are the hum in the melody of every pulse
My hands are mere instruments of your every word
the most High, source of peace, the most glorious , source of peace

Accept my worship, and my fervour
absorb me into your feet, and grant me peace
the most High, source of peace, the most glorious , source of peace

Tujhe apna banayenge hum....
Tujhe apne DIL me basayenge hum,
Tu muskurati rahe sada,
Esliye tere saare dukho ko churayenge hum,Tujhe apna banayenge hum,
Tujhe apna banayenge hum.....


Dhundhta hain dil bhi Tujhe mohabbat ke bazar me,
Ji raha hoon abhi tak teri hi intezar me,Chalkar kahi door PYAAmR Ka aasiyana banayenge hum,
Tujhe apna banayenge hum,
Tujhe apna banayenge hum......


Teri hi yaado me khoya hoon,
Kabhi khushi to kabhi gum ke aansoo roya hoon,
Tu kahe to sanam,
Tere liye chand taro ko tor layenge hum,Tujhe apna banayenge hum,
tujhe apna banayenge hum...


Tu etni door hain kaise bataoo tujhe,
Mere DIL me sirf tum ** kaise dikhaoo tujhe,Pyar to karte hawayen bhi Panchhio se
Tabhi to kahte hain
tujhe apni bahon me bharkar kahi dur chale jayenge hum,
Tujhe apna banayenge hum,
Tujhe apna banayenge hum....

Unsung Heroes

Although I stand on the shoulders of giants,
I fail to see much farther than the bridge of my nose.
The fault in mine. The shame is mine.
For I am unworthy of you, my beloved dead.

Emilio (Maternal Grandfather)
Your crime was literacy,
And the possession of a social conscience,
That made you yearn to see your beloved Spain remain free,
And prevented you from suffering fascists lightly.

You did not bear arms,
For you abhorred all violence,
You did not incite rebellion, though you
Rebelled against the foreign and domestic enemies of freedom.

As best I can tell you were an idealist who,
In a time of darkness,
Clung passionately to the belief,
In the perfectibility of the human spirit.

You would not abide the lies the regional papers carried,
And translated news from American and British newspapers,
About the gathering storm,
Sharing the truth freely with all who would listen.

You gave speeches, and wrote speeches delivered by others, in support of a doomed
Republic collapsing under the weight of its own incompetence and corruption.
You were warned by friends of your imminent arrest and offered passage back to the U.S. or to
Buenos Aires where so many of your friends had already found refuge.

But they would not get your wife and nine children out,
And you refused to leave them to their fate.
They came for you, as always, in the middle of the night,
These cowards with stern faces hiding behind machine guns.

They took you prisoner, not for the first time, to the Castillo de San Anton,
A fortress by a most beautiful, tranquil bay,
Where they tore out your nails, one by one, and those their
Gentlest caresses while they asked you for names.

You endured, God knows what there, for months,
And were sentenced to be shot as a traitor at La Plaza de María Pita.
But the Republic had friends, even among the officers of the fascist forces,
And one of them opened your cell door on the eve of your execution.

You had contracted tuberculosis by then, yet, according to grandmother, you
Managed to swim miles across the bay in a moonless night, to safety in the home of
Another patriot who risked his life and the lives of his family to hide you in
His root cellar and made a trip of many miles on foot to find your wife.

He found your home and told your wife of your unexpected reprieve,
And asked her to send some clothing and some shoes to replace your ***** rags.
You eldest daughter, Maria, insisted on accompanying the stranger back on foot, taking
Clothing and what provisions she could quickly gather and carry to you.

From time to time you accepted the hospitality of an overnight stay
In the attic or hay loft of a
Republican sympathizer as these were not hard to
Find in the fiercely independent
Galicia under the yoke of one of its own. But mostly you lived in the woods, with active guerrillas for years.

You lived with all the comforts of a hunted animal with others who would not yield,
Your only crime consisted of being on the wrong side of a lost cause.
I hope it brought you some comfort to know you were on the right side of history.
It brought none to your wife and none to your youngest children.

As you paid the long penance for your conscience, once a month or so, after some
Time passed, you visited your wife and children. You were introduced to the little ones
As an uncle from afar. They did not know the bearded wild man who paid these visits
In the middle of the night and left wearing dad’s old, clean clothes.

The older ones, Maria, Josefa, Juan and Toñita, all in their teens, told the little ones
That their “uncle” brought news of their dad. The younger children, still wearing the
Frayed cloaks of their innocence, accepted this, not questioning why he stayed in
Mom’s room all night and was gone before they awoke the next morning.

Your grief at playing the part of a stranger in your own home, of not embracing your
Children on whom you doted, one and all, for their protection and yours, as there were
No shortage of fascists who tried to ply them with pastries and candy,
Seeking to use their innocence as a weapon against you.

Your parents were relatively wealthy business owners who farmed the sea but
Disowned you—perhaps for your politics, perhaps for choosing to emigrate and
Refusing to join the family business, or perhaps for marrying for love in New York City
A hard working girl beneath your social station in their eyes.

You lived just long enough to see Spain delivered from war,
Though not freed of her chains.
You were spared the war’s aftermath.
Your wife and children were not.

No books record your name. Most of those who knew you are dead.
Yet flowers have long perpetually appeared on your simple above-ground burial site in
Sada that holds your ashes, and those of your eldest son, Juan, and second-
Eldest daughter, Toñita, who died much younger than even you.

Your wife has joined you there, in a place where
Honor, goodness, decency, principle and a pure,
Broken heart,
Now rest in peace.

In 622 a. C .; Emperor Cyrus of Persia, invades Babylon and free the Palestinians from Babylonian regime. Thus beginning the migration of many families, including; Afad Kalebi the turn son of Dabhús Kalebi noble Canaanite who grappled stoutly against the Philistines subversive. So he protected his family, within which overcoming fear is nested with love for their land, overcoming the oppression of the invaders.

Afad of untamed nature, had his ancestors that safeguarded. Thus, they returned to Palestine Sea, saturating in the Gulf of Eilat, crossed the Negev, camping in Beersheba. This would feed their animals and then later to rest, Hurián; his son bring music to dance to the ninth lunar position, almost hidden in the hills front. How they danced with her feet, which often could not lift by the dominant slavery...? .

  Upon arriving at Jerusalem like an overflowing river rows coming out of the walled city. The Babylonians, withdrew their last belongings of their illegitimate domains. They stayed two days in the new tranquility in the warmth of his land.

Would Leave to Nablus, as is Moses with his flock to meet the Migdal. In the way when they were about to take the animal oil the wheels of the barouche; They watched the game from the clouds, like a giant flower with its petals blowing their ***** faces, to define clear the haze of the city of Afula, where he split his brother Nameshki. This would go to Nazareth and his brother and his wife Sada Afad to Migdal, the city that saw for the first time feel the talent and attachment to redeem himself of the Gods of War.

Hurián and Miriam, with her quiet temperament would work on the construction of a paralyzed work when they were conquered by the Babylonians ... "The Tower of Migdal" which eventually would remove the planes in the light of the glorious bugles to dive into the abandoned tower.  Nameshki Afad architect brother traveled from Nazareth sky bluish to reddish strip of Migdal.

 Would Begin the magnum opus in 618  b. C., the the would bring stones of the hills vigor of Magdala, in endless lines of oxen took twenty years to build, to be opened just on the anniversary of Migdal, the new rebuilt city in the 598 b.C.- In the courtyard Afad house, damasks and flourished house always smelled of pure essences.

And the evening of the ninth day after being rebuilt solid tower, Nameshki goes up to the top floor of the colossal architecture supports reviewing large windows, giving full weight of the beam with nails and joints that crossed; falling sharply from the thirty-four meters from the stated tower. Aridity faced his tragic end with unfair trade that left him separated from all their loved ones. What purpose it seemed the stomp of Moloch, which..., opened its subclavian veins, to enter the annoying turret in minority  supposedly irreducible magnum opus ...!. With the awful noise of drums and cymbals, and to that respirable bathed sacrifice blood of Nameshki because the Babylonians who lived here; They had the habit of making their offerings subsidiaries sanguinary.

Afad ran strongly from home, where he was dining.
Afad ...:  "The death of Nameshki ... born giant mine ..."
If your heart would betray him falling off his brother. Sada, Míriam and Hurián ran to lift him, took him to the doctor, it succor him immediately detecting that suffer no risk of death, but his life would pass still half of his body.  The dire situation of his father, Hurián decides to travel to a nearby country; Jordan. Because his father disabled, he could not work depriving him of plying his trade. Before leaving, he will pray to the tower and includes vaporous clouds over Magdala, then says goodbye to his mother Sada and Míriam that were in the tabernacle praying silently. Outside light winds hit the roof.

Sada and Miriam, were in charge of his father, cutting his hair and beard from time to time. What a beautiful left after being rejuvenated, and his aquiline nose pointed toward some event in the earthy streets!.
Nor cease to work, only the stunner overcame fatigue, although Míriam continued its work with Tarim; the owner of the tavern Kvish Gadol, it responsible business manager.

Naciste siete años antes del comienzo de la guerra civil española,
Y viviste en una casita de dos pisos en la Calle de Abajo de Fontan,
Frente al mar que les regalo su riqueza y belleza,
Y les robo a tu hermano mayor, y el más noble, Juan, a los 19 años.

De chiquita eras muy llorona. Los vecinos te hacían rabiar con solo decirte,
“Chora, Litiña, chora” lo cual producía un largo llanto al instante.
A los siete u ocho años quedaste ciega por una infección en los ojos. Te salvó la vista
El medico del pueblo, pero no antes de pasar más de un año sin poder ir a la escuela.

Nunca recuperaste ese tiempo perdido. Tu impaciencia y la vergüenza de sentirte atrasada, Impidieron tus estudios. Tu profundo amor propio y la vergüenza de no saber lo que sabían tus
Amigas de tu edad, tu inquietud y tu inhabilidad de aguantar la lengua cuando te corregían,
Crearon una perfecta tormenta que desvió tu diminutiva nave hacia las rocas.

Cuando aún una niña, viste a Franco con su escolta salir de su yate en Fontan.
Con la inocencia de una niña que nunca supo aguantar la lengua, preguntaste a
Una vecina que también estaba presente “Quien es ese señor?”
“El Generalísimo Francisco Franco” te contestó en voz baja. Dile “Viva Franco” cuando pase.

Con la inocencia de una niña y con la arrogancia de una viejita incorregible gritaste señalándolo
“Ese es el Generalísimo?” Y con una carcajada seguiste en voz alta “Parece Pulgarcito!”
Un miembro de su escolta se acercó alzando su ametralladora con la aparente Intención de Golpearte con la culata. “Dejadla!” Exclamo Franco. “Es una niña—la culpa no es suya.”

Contaste ese cuento muchas veces en mi presencia, siempre con una sonrisa o riéndote.
Creo que nunca apreciaste el importe de esa “hazaña” de desprecio a la autoridad. Pudiera ser En parte por ese hecho de tu niñez que vinieron eventualmente por tu padre  
Que lo Llevaron preso. Que lo torturaron por muchos meses y condenaron a muerte?

El escapó su condena como ya he contado antes—con la ayuda de un oficial fascista.
Tan fuerte era su reputación y el poder de sus ideas hasta con sus muchos amigos contrarios.
Tal tu inocencia, o tu ceguera psíquica, en no comprender nunca una potencial causa de su Destrucción. A Dios gracias que nunca pudiste apreciar la posible consecuencia de tus palabras.

Tu padre, quien quisiste toda la vida entrañablemente con una pasión de la cual fue muy Merecedor, murió poco después del término de la guerra civil. Una madre con diez
Bocas para alimentar necesitaba ayuda. Tú fuiste una de las que más acudió a ese
Pedido silencioso. A los 11 años dejaste la escuela por última vez y comenzaste a trabajar.

Los niños no podían trabajar en la España de Franco. No obstante, un primo tomó piedad
De la situación y te permitió trabajar en su fábrica de embutidos de pescado en Sada.
Ganabas igual que todas tus compañeras mayores. Y trabajabas mejor que la mayoría de ellas,
Con la rapidez y destreza que te sirvieron bien toda tu vida en todos tus trabajos.

En tu tiempo libre, llevabas agua de la fuente comunal a vecinos por unos céntimos.
De chiquita también llevabas una sella en la cabeza para casa y dos baldes en las manos antes y Después de tu trabajo en la fábrica de Cheche para el agua de muchos pescadores en el puerto
Antes del amanecer esperando la partida a alta mar con tu agua fresca en sus recipientes.

Todo ese dinero era entregado tu madre con el orgullo de una niña que proveía
Más que el sueldo de una mujer grande—solo a cambio de tu niñez y de la escuela.
También lavabas ropa para algunos vecinos. Y siempre gratuitamente los pañales cuando había
Niños recién nacidos solo por el placer de verlos y poder estar con ellos.

Cuando eras un poco más grande, ya de edad de ir al baile y al cine, seguías la misma rutina,
Pero también lavabas y planchabas la ropa de los marineros jóvenes que querían ir muy limpios
Y bien planchados al baile los domingos. Ese era el único dinero que era solo tuyo—para
Pagar la peluquería todas las semanas y el baile y cine. El resto siempre para tu madre.

 
A los dieciséis años quisiste emigrar a Argentina a la casa de una tía en Buenos Aires.
Tu madre te lo permitió, pero solo si llevabas también a tu hermana menor, Remedios, contigo.
Lo hiciste. En Buenos Aires no podías trabajar tampoco por ser menor. Mentiste en las Aplicaciones y pudiste conseguir trabajo en una clínica como ayudanta de enfermera.

Lavaste bacinillas, cambiaste camas, y limpiaste pisos con otros trabajos similares.
Todo por ganar suficiente dinero para poder reclamar a tu madre y hermanos menores,
Sito (José) y Paco (Francisco). Luego conseguiste un trabajo de mucama en un hotel
En Mar del Plata. Los dueños apreciaron tu pasión por cuidar a sus niños pequeños.

Te mantuvieron como niñera y mucama—sin doble sueldo. Entre tu (pobre) sueldo y
Propinas de mucama, en un tiempo pudiste guardar suficiente dinero para comprar
Los pasajes para tu madre y hermanos. También pudiste volver a Buenos Aires y
Conseguiste alquilar un doble cuarto en una antigua casa cerca del Consulado español.

De aquellas, aun menor de edad, ya trabajabas en el laboratorio Ponds—al cargo de una
Máquina de empacado de productos de belleza. Ganabas buen dinero, y vivieron en el
Centro de Buenos aires en esa casa hasta que te casaste con papa muchos años después.
Aun te perseguía la mala costumbre de decir lo que penabas y de no dar el brazo a torcer.

El sindicato de la Ponds trató de obligarte a registrarte como Peronista.
A gato escaldado hasta el agua fría le hace daño, y reusaste registrarte al partido.
Le dijiste al sindicato que no le habías escapado a un dictador para aliarte a otro.
Te amenazaron con perder el trabajo. Y con repatriarte a ti y a tu madre y hermanos.

Tu respuesta no la puedo escribir aquí. Te llevaron frente al gerente general demandando
Que te despidiera de inmediato. Contestaste que te demostraran razones para hacerlo.
El gerente—indudablemente a propio riesgo—contestó que no había mejor trabajadora
En la fábrica y que no tenía el sindicato razones para pedir que te despidiera.

Después de un noviazgo de varios años, se casaron tú y papa. Tenían el mundo en sus
Manos. Buen trabajo con buenos ahorros que les permitirían vivir muy bien en el futuro.
No podías tener hijos—los cuales siempre anhelaste tener. Tres años de tratamientos
Lograron que me dieras vida. Vivimos por años en un hermoso apartamento en la ciudad.

Tengo uso de razón y recuerdos gratos desde antes de los dos años. Recuerdo muy bien ese Apartamento. Pero las cosas cambiaron cuando decidieron emprender un negocio
Que no fue sostenible en el caos de la Argentina en los años 60. Recuerdo demasiado bien el Sacrificio tuyo y el de papa—es eso un tema para otro día, pero no para hoy.

Fuiste la persona más trabajadora que conocí en mi vida. No le temías a ningún trabajo
Honesto por fuerte que fuese y tu inquietud y espíritu competitivo siempre te hicieron
Una empleada estelar en todos tus trabajos, la mayoría de ellos sumamente esclavos.
Hasta en casa no sabias parar a no ser que tuvieras con quien charlar un rato largo.

Eras una gran cocinera gracias en parte al chef del hotel en cual trabajaste en Argentina
Que era también un compatriota español (vasco) y te enseno a cocinar muchos de sus
Platos españoles e italianos favoritos. Fuiste siempre muy mal comedora. Pero te
Encantaba cocinar para amigos, familia y—cuantos mas mejor—y para las fiestas.

Papá también era buen cocinero aunque con un repertorio mas limitado. Y yo aprendí
De los dos con mucho afán también a cocinar desde joven. Ni en la cocina ni en ninguna
Fase de mi vida me puedo comparar contigo ni con papa, pero también me encanta
Cocinar y en especial para compartir con seres queridos.

Te daba gran placer introducir a mis amigos a tus platos favoritos como la cazuela de mariscos,
Paella, caldo gallego, tus incomparables canelones, ñoquis, orejas, filloas, buñuelos, flan,
Y todo el resto de tu largo repertorio de música culinaria. Papa me iba a buscar al colegio
Cuando en la escuela secundaria (JHS #10) todos los días antes del trabajo.

Los dos trabajaban el segundo turno y no partían hasta después de las 2:00 p.m.
Muchos días traía el coche lleno de mis compañeros. Recuerdo igual que si fuera ayer
Las caras de mis amigos judíos, chinos, japoneses, italianos, ingleses e irlandeses
Cuando primero probaron el pulpo, caldo gallego, la tortilla, las orejas o el flan.

Mediante el bachiller, la universidad y los estudios de derecho fue igual. A veces parecía
Una reunión de Las Naciones Unidas, pero siempre con comida. Siempre trataste a mis
Amigos íntimos como si fueran hijos tuyos también. Y algunos aun hoy día te quieren
Como una segunda madre y sienten tu ausencia aunque no te vieran por muchos años.

Tuviste una pasión por ser madre (una gran pena que solo tuvieras un hijo).
Que te hizo ser demasiado protectora de tu hijo.  Me vestías con ropa exclusiva de
Les Bebes—Fui un muñeco para quien no los tuvo de niña. No me dejabas fuera de tu vista.
El mantenerme en un ambiente libre de gérmenes produjeron algunos problemas de salud.

Mi pediatra te decía “Quiero verlo con las rodillas raspadas y las uñas sucias.”
Tú lo tomabas como un chiste. Me llevabas a menudo a un parque y a la calesita.
Lo recuerdo como si fuera ayer. Pero no recuerdo tener ningún amigo hasta los siete u ocho
Años. Y solo uno entonces. No recuerdo tener una pandilla de amigos hasta los 13 años. Triste.

Cuando comencé a hablar como una cotorra con un año, y a caminar al mismo tiempo,
Me llevaste al médico. El medico pensó que era solo idea tuya. Me mostro unas llaves y me
Pregunto “Sabes lo que es esto, Danielito?” “Si. Son las llaves de tu tutú,” le contesté.
Después de unas pruebas, le recomendaron a mi madre que alimentara mi curiosidad.

Según ella era yo insoportable (algunas cosas nunca cambian). Si le preguntaba a
Papá por que el sol quema, a que distancia esta, que son las estrellas, por qué una
Linterna enfocada al cielo en una noche oscura no se ve, por qué los aviones no tienen
Ruedas debajo de pontones para poder aterrizar y despegar en el agua? Etc., etc., etc.

Me contestaba con paciencia. Recuerdo viajes en tren o autobús sentado en las piernas de mi Padre haciéndole mil preguntas. Desafortunadamente, si le preguntaba algo a mama que No supiera contestar, inventaba cualquier respuesta con tal de hacerme callar en vez de decirme “No se” o “pregúntaselo a papá” o “vete al infierno de una ver por todas y dejame en paz.”

Cuando me contaba algún cuento y no me gustaba como terminaba, “Caperucita Roja” por Ejemplo, mi madre tenía que inventar un fin que me gustara mejor o aguantar un llanto
Interminable. Pobre madre. Inventar lo que a Danielito no le gustaba podía ser peligroso.
Recuerdo un día en el teatro viendo dibujos animados que me encantaban (y aun encantan).

El Pato Donald salió en una escena comiéndose un tremendo sándwich. Le dije a mamá que
Quería un sándwich igual. En vez de contestarme que no era un sándwich de verdad, o que me Llevarían a comer después del teatro (como de costumbre) se le ocurrió decirme que me
Lo iba a traer el Pato Donald al asiento. Cambio la escena y el Pato Donald salió sin el sándwich.

 
Se acabo el mundo. Empecé a chillar y llorar que el Pato Donald se comió mi sándwich.
Me había mentido y no me trajo el prometido sándwich. Eso era algo insoportable.
No hubo forma de consolarme o hacerme entender—ya tarde—que el Pato Donald también
Tenía hambre, que el sándwich era suyo y no mío, o que lo de la pantalla no era realidad.

Ardió Cristo. Se había comido el sándwich del nene el Pato Donald quien era (y es) mi favorito.
La traición de un ser querido así era inconcebible e insoportable. Me tuvieron que quitar del
Cine a grito pelado. No se me fue la pataleta por largo rato. Pero todo paso cuando mi querida Tía Nieves (una prima) me dio unas galletas marineras con mermelada más tarde en su casa.

Cuánta agua debajo del puente. Tus recuerdos como el humo en una placentera brisa ya se han Esparcido, son moléculas insubstanciales como estrellas en el cielo, que no pintan cuadros Coherentes. Una vida de conversaciones vitales vueltas a susurros de niños en una tormenta Tropical, impermisibles, insustanciales, solo un sueño que interrumpe una pesadilla eterna.

Así es tu vida hoy. Tu memoria fue siempre prodigiosa. Recordabas el nombre de todas las Personas que conociste en toda tu vida—y conversaciones enteras palabra por palabra.
Con solo tres años de escuela, te fuiste por el mundo rompiendo paso y aprendiste a leer y
Escribir ya después de os 16 años en una ciudad adoptiva. Te fue más que suficiente tu estudio.

Siempre dije que eras mucho mejor escritora que yo. Cuantas excelentes novelas u obras de Teatro y poesía hubieras escribido tú con la mitad de mi educación y el triple de trabajo?  
No ay justicia en este mundo. Por qué le da Dios pan a quien no tiene dientes? Tú prodigiosa Memoria no te permite ya que me reconozcas. Fui la última persona que olvidaste.

Pero aun ahora que ya no puedes tener una conversación normal en ningún idioma,
Alguna vez te brillan los ojos y me llamas “neniño” y sé que por un instante no estás ya sola.
Pero pronto se apaga esa luz y vuelve la oscuridad. Solo te puedo ver unas horas un día a la Semana. Las circunstancias de mi vida no me dejan otra mejor opción.

Algún día no tendré ni siquiera la oportunidad de compartir unas horas contigo. No tendrás
Monumento alguno salvo en mis recuerdos mientras me quede uso de razón. Toda una
Vida de incalculable sacrificio de la cual solo dejarás el más pobre rasgo viviente del amor
De tu único hijo quien no tiene palabras para honrarte adecuadamente ni nunca las tendrá.


*          *          *

Ya llegó ese día, demasiado pronto. Octubre 11, 2018. Llegó la llamada a las 03:30 horas,
Una o dos horas después de haber quedado yo dormido. Te trataron de resucitar en vano.
No habría ya mas oportunidades de decirte te quiero, de acariciar tus manos y cara,
De cantarte al oído, de poner crema en tus manos, de anhelar que esta semana me recordaras.

De contarte acontecimientos de seres queridos, a quien vi, que me dijeron, quien pregunto
Por ti, ni de rezar por ti o de pedirte si me dabas un besito poniendo mi mejilla cerca de tus Labios y del placer cuando respondías dándome muchos besitos. Cuando no me respondías,
Lo mas probable estos últimos muchos meses, te decía, “Bueno la próxima vez.”

Siempre al despedirme te daba un besito por Alice y un abrazo que siempre te mandaba,
Y tres besitos en tu frente de parte de papa (siempre te daba tres juntos), y uno mío. Te
Dejaba la tele prendida en un canal sin volumen que mostrara movimiento. Y en lo posible
Esperaba que quedaras con los ojos cerrados antes de marchar.

Se acabó el tiempo. No hay mas prorroga. Mis oraciones cambian de pedir que Dios te proteja
Y que por Su Gracia puedas sanar un poquito día a día a que Dios guarde tu alma y la de papá y
Permita que descansen en paz en Su reino. Te hecho mucho de menos ya, como a papá, y lo
Haré mientras viva y Dios me permita uso de razón. No sabia lo que es estar solo. Ahora si lo se.

Cuatro años viendo tu deslumbrante luz reducirse a una vela temblando en a oscuridad.
Cuatro años temiendo que te dieras cuenta de tu situación.
Cuatro años rogando que no tuvieras dolor, tristeza o soledad.
Cuatro años y sin aprender como decirte adiós. El resto de mi vida esperando verte otra vez.

Te quiero con todo mi corazón siempre y para siempre, mamá. Descansa en Paz.

Meri pyari daadi maa,
tumsa na h koi yaha.
tum ** mera saara jahan,
nahi kr skti tmhe shabdon m bayan.
tum ** meri aan,
tum ** mera amaan.
tum ** mera gumaan,
tumse ek baar fir milna, hai mera armaan.
roz sapno mai dekhti hu tmhe,
roz sapna toot jaata hai.
Kab aaogi saamne mere,
yahi soch soch ke ek aur din guzar jaata h.
wahi chand sa chehra, wahi phool se muskan,
rakhungi sada tumhe dil mai, banake apni shaan.

What is love?
Murasaki would say it was an obligation,
a sort of duty
where the rules
say to bury one’s emotions
and succumb to the overpowering ***.

Mian Mian embraces the sexuality
of her culture. Arguing that love
is the force behind drugs and emotion.
It is not the government’s obligation
to dictate the author’s form of rules
on writing a novel that serves its own duty.

How does Black Jade feel about her duty?
Despite her lover’s sexuality
and his matriarch’s ruling
of marrying well even if he does love
her, the family cares more of their obligation
then of their prized sons emotions.

Coco lived by her emotions.
The sickness of Tian not her duty
as it would have been in the old days. Lui’s obligation
to turn in Shiba overruled by rough ***
and her quest for painful love
in a time that disregards all form of rule.

Peony was one who broke the rules
but was rewarded for it. Unless it’s Peony #2 because her emotions
got the best of her when she fell in love
at the wrong time. It was not her duty
to see the play nor feel anything ******
in the Three Wives Commentary; this, her obligation.

Was it Abe Sada’s obligation
to castrate her lover and make her own rules?
Madame Mao too knew all about ***
and succumbed to her emotions
when her duty
was no longer to love.

From emotional red chambers with rules
on obligatory ***, the cycle of East Asian
love patterns has yet to fulfill its duty.

The Pandemic has closed
the theaters and cinemas.

On stage a lone actor commits
suicide in the loneliness.

On screen the two lovers run to each
other against the march of soldiers.

The actor’s death is an extravagant fake,
a nod to the art of dying a good stage death.

The lovers perform ****** asphyxiation
until the man seems to fall deeply asleep.  

The actor pulls the dagger from his neck,
red silk flowing freely from his throat.

In the light motes coming from the projector
Sada realizes that Kichizo has died.

The red silk now entombs Sensei Omiya
like a gown as he reaches out to Sada’s cry.

Sada kisses Kichizo for the final time
as she removes Kichizo‘s blade.

Sensei Omiya drowns in a swell of red silk.
“Sada, my child, what shame have you brung?”

Sada cuts Kichizo’s ***** off cleanly carrying
it inside her as she madly wanders Tokyo.

The projector clicks off, the house lights fade.
The transformation is done.  
The performance is over

Notes:
The lovers story is based on the plot of the Japanese film In the Realm of the Senses by Nagisha Oshima.  The theater story is intended to be a subplot of the lovers plot. The theater plot is also intended to invoke images of Japanese Kabuki theater.

Main hoon dasi
Kisi ki naukrani nahin
Na koi kaharin
Main hoon devadasi
Devalayon ki shobha
Sada saanjh ko
Kanak deep jala
Devstuti kar
Khud ko bhagyawati samajhti
Main hoon devadasi
Yahi to hai mera garv
Wah din yaad hai aaj bhi
Raja ne jis din meri pratibha
Ko samjha
Mujhe devadasi ka pad saunpa
Mere premi mere devta
Prabhu
Sada raat ko jinke liye
Ghunghroo pehen naachti main
Lekin garima meri hai aisi
Aashiq mere anek
Naachti jab main
Mujhe dekh
Woh kya maza lootte
Mere punya ko chhente!
He prabhu
Jeeti hoon ab
Roz shoshan ke dar mein
Uddhar Karo naath
Tumhari patni nahin
Aakul bhagat ki to guhar suno
Uddhar Karo prabhu
Kehlaun mein
Punya devadasi!

Aye mere humsafar,
Kya aapko hai khabar.

Meri har khushi sirf aap **,
Dil ki dadhkan aur meri sada hai wo.

Meri pehli aur aakhiri mohaabat ** sirf aap,
Milon dur hain fir bhi har takleef lete bhaap.

Chaha hai sirf aapko chahat se badhkar,
Kabhi kahin nahi jayenge aapko chhodhkar.

Har janam sirf aapke hai naam,
Khuda ko bheja hai humne paigaam.

Hamari har saans sirf aapse hai shuru hoti,
Aapko takleef mein nahi dekh sakti.

Aapke har kadam ke neeche ** haath mere,
Zara si aanch tak na aane denge.

Aapse badhkar kisi ko itna na chaha humne,
Sabse anmol tohfa mila humein rabb se.

Khushnaseeb hain jo aapko paaya,
Hamara dil aapki dadhkano mein samaya.

Mere mahadev meri mohaabat ** tum,
Tumhe chhodhkar kha jayenge hum.

Kasam se jab se mile ** tum humko,
Zindagi ki har khushi mil gayi mujhko.

Kuch paane ki tamanna nahi hai meri,
Khushnaseeb hain jo jud gayi mujhse dadhkane teri.

Sachhi mohabbat sirf hai tumse,
Gehre hote hain rishtey jude jo dil se.

Aapke liye tou khuda se lad jayein hum,
Hamari jaan se pyaare ** tum.

Meri duaon mein itna ** asar,
Aapko lage na kabhi kisi ki nazar.

Mehfooz rakhe khuda aapko,
Aur kuch nahi chahiye mujhko.

Duniya ki khushiyan mile aapko saari,
Sacche dil se dua hai hamari.

Aye mere mahiya,
Wo drrrr humne nikal diya.

Aapse gujarish hai hamari,
Hum sirf aur sirf hain aapki.

Aapka saath janmon janmon tak nibhayenge,
Aapke khatir har imtehaan se lad jayenge.

Kisi ki himmat nahi jo juda kar ske,
Humesha sirf aapke hi rahenge.

Kasam se aapse behad pyaar hain karte,
Sabse jyada aapko khone se darte.

Par ab drrrr nahi lagta humein,
Khud se jyada bharosa aap par karte.

Zindagi chahe kitni karwatein badal le,
Aapki mahiya humesha aapki saath rahe.

Vaada hai hamara aapse,
Khuda se badhkar ** aap mere.

Aye mere saathiya,
Aapki hi hai mahiya.

Usred noći nagon me probudi
Moram na WC na visokoj sam uzbudi
Svjetlo palit odlučio sam neću
No nasred hodnika suze mi poteću

Na kraju hodnika On tamo stoji
Zovem psa u pomoć on se ničega ne boji
Na poziv upomoć on se nije odozvao
Čak i i nakon obećanja keksa nije se pojavio

Sada ja i Slenderman smo ostali sami
Prokleti lik koji stanuje u tami

Zajebi ti ovo, pišat više nemoram
Sad svaki put iz sobe sjekiru furam

Pod plahte skrivao sam se uplačen
ovu avanturu ponovit ne želim
Opran paranojom sada ti kažem
Iz ove kuće se što prije selim

Miris ukoričenih stranica:
Poznat prizor raširenih ruku.
Ona sjedi.
Mirna. Pogleda uperena u neke daleke svjetove.
Gdje li je sada - tek siluete odaju
(Uživa li istinski?)
Krivulja u kutu usana,
odsjaj sunca u lutajućim očima.
More! Njemu putuje, znam.
Ona sretna je - sluti dom.
U njenim očima ustaju valovi,
morske mijene igraju u pogledu:
plima i oseka izmjenjuju se
na pučini njezinih snova.
Vječno sniva o modroj svakodnevici,
o slanim jutrima i čarobno crvenim zalascima.
Iz sna budi je vlak na trećem peronu.
Uz dubok udah spoznaje da ovuda
galebovi ne lijeću, vode slane nisu niti
srce na mjestu počiva.
(Što sve uzdah neće skriti)
No krivulja ne jenjava.
Snovi tek su vremenom udaljeni!
A čitav svijet pogled je daleko.
Ona lijepa je dok prebire po slovima
radošću djeteta koje putuje.
Bože, koliko života u jednom kupeu!

Ghazal
Usky wo paon ki jhankar meri toba hay
Lag rehey hay koi ootar meri toba hay
Jaisay khushbo koi deeray se guzr jati **
Aise hay shukh ki raftar meri toba hay
Ishq ko log samajhtay hain darra sada hay
Rasta yar hay purkhar meri toba hay
Ishk main lut gia jo pa gia wohi manzal
Aag se piar ka izhar meri toba hay
Husn ko dhondhna mehnga hi parra hay humko
Hay tamasha sare bazar meri toba hay
Jurm bus itna tha bus bhr kay nazar dekha tha
Mehr ab dar pa hay dar meri yoba hay

Col Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright 2017 Hath Par

Saraab....

Tu ek khayaal se zyada kuch aur tha bhi nahi...
Bas ek khwaab se zyada tu kuch hua bhi nahi...
Woh ek zakhm jo dil ko kabhi mila hi nahi...
Tu hai woh dard jo mehsus ** saka hi nahi...

Woh lafz the mehez alfaaz sach hue hi nahi....
Na haq vo baaton ke parde kabhi khule hi nahi...
Humare ijz ka un par asar hua hi nahi...
Ki inkisari mein hum ne bhi kuch kaha hi nahi....

Teri ranjish kabhi dil ko hui ata hi nahi...
Mera daaman teri khalish se bhar saka hi nahi...
Woh faasla kabhi jo paar kar sake hi nahi...
Woh raasta ke jin pe paon chal sake hi nahi...

Tu ek yaad hai jise yaad rakh sake hi nahi...
Tu ek saraab hai jise haath dhar sake hi nahi...
Aazmana kisi ko kab yeh achchi aadat hai...
Aazmaish se hum kabhi juda hue hi nahi...

Ke intekhaab jo tera maine kiya tha kabhi...
Munasebat ke daayre se vo juda hi nahi...
Woh ek sada jo kabhi pesh kar saka hi nahi...
Vo ilteja kabhi bhi tu jo sun saka hi nahi...

Meri aankhon ko deed tera ** saka hi nahi...
Teri khushboo se **** mera tar hua hi nahi...
Woh jo qurbat sa kuch mehsus ** raha tha mujhe...
Wasl ka lutf woh mujhe kabhi mila hi nahi...

Kyun jo tu khud parast nahi to dekhta hi nahi...
Kyun nigaah tu meri taraf phira saka hi nahi...
Woh jo sehra tumhe yun sabz nazar aata raha...
Saraab tha kabhi waha yahan hua hi nahi...

Kaha tha us ne ke mujh ko bas ek nida dena...
Ae dil tu maan le tha tu ne yeh suna hi nahi...
Teri nigaah mein umeed ek basi thi jo “Ain”...
Nazar ka dhoka tha ke kuch kabhi basa hi nahi....

Were on  568 a. C., a gentleman who was passing by Magdala tower met and fell from his horse, he approached one of the famous Canaanite, children of Migdal and Afad. One said his name Sherom and other Moshe. The gentleman asked them to tell you about the story of a tower and supernatural properties. Sherom and Moshe smiled, beginning to narrate the popular version ...:

Sherom speaks ..."Once upon a time a tower that had many steps that anyone who enter feel one dizzying air, and would never come up to his last cell; it seemed the very wall of china endless wanting to arrive. She was jealous all night passers Magdala, ancient city of Palestine; Well, she was so high that resembled a tree to be an ant, and why the song that emanates from his high-rise building always orientated sweets steps that fear capsize and fall into the hands of an evil villain.

They flee ye fearful, as the ant when I looked at the tower, thought he walked toward her and so hurried his steps. Miriam was not the case, every night had to work through the dark alleys like hammers on the stones of a mysterious sculptor; strong sounded by the Siroco. Her walking with her soft feet, synchronized with the hammer sirocco, so it would be easy prey, --- At the moment, Hurián distracted a wild ... birds, --- and then continues Moshe ... :
Moshe ...: The mayor watched from near the tower, trying to figure out ... What did or hiding the backwater of her eyebrows ...? . And so, everyone would wonder that observe something similar....

still a sad day his father dies and is subject to funeral expenses, which luckily managed Míriam; every night emancipating the thirst of caravanners coming on route from Syria to the tavern Kvish Gadol. Here, they were giving their friends the final toast to his leg, then close the business and incorporated into the gutter furnaces buried lands. That same afternoon, before the massive help of their neighbors, basked crack open the stalled Afad time with smiles cover its arid cot and abandoned.

Nor they spent more than three days, when Míriam Rishon Lezion part in convoy, carrying by destination the sea. Sada stayed home Elijah; the spouse of his sister Hiram. The Mediterranean Sea front blew his hair; brown them stuck to your skin as auguring stay long.

Your face and his skin seemed toasted desert landscapes, which were mixed with the air and water. Back his rueful survive in Magdala; now by the time spring glistening in majestic glory stay near the coast. Jamal sleep at home, and then give their rich fruits contacts to work and pay the caravaneer Jamal, for their generous service.
Sherom stutters to continue, relax and continuous..:
Sherom ..: A cloudy afternoon when she walked down the beach, she found the dress of a man, she then watched a bather distinguished between horizontal nebulae waters. He descended from the sparkling water blocking the sun with his back, leaving some summer rays eyes walk the circular craters Míriam. She bent her back to her face left free, so you could see some sadness Jofat large tonnage carried her back...

Jofat ...How many times I'll see, if only today I just...?
Míriam grabs a branch of soil and writes ... Magdala...
Jofat ..: Hence you come!
Miriam..: This is what you see ...!
Jofat..: From the high tower, architecture brilliants eyes and sovereign Semitic structure ...

He took some water and washed his hands of Miriam, she tight her throat and muttered short sentences from a song of the earth; the sun suspended in the air kept the closest shade to protect the Migdal in your heart with its long silhouette, and sleeping in her skirt pocket. And so steep on his feet shackled with Jofat sea could be seen on certain days of the month, some of them not greet, but the events of each light would smoothness to the ways of Rishon le Zion.

Miriam worked hard so that one day could return. Luck was for Jamal, since their trade with Syria, Egypt and Persia as plenty of fortune, even Miriam, as a reward for their effectiveness powdered received from his hands, a radiant psaltery; which would occupy the glazing bars rubbing singing, as if he were to do with laggard itinerant sheep and dromedaries, waiting for an order. His singing is heard near the tower at night, pretending to be huge flows.

Moshe continuous ...:
Moshe ..: In Palmahim the surrender time genuflecting Miriam, going to the heights of the tower. It was so high that other two were built in the absence of the most beautiful image of Miriam!
In Palmahim with two children playing Miriam, nodding tired smiles to delight them with your company. Later, Jamal calls and tells them they boarded the wagon to go to Magdala, as the weather worsened giving sparkling  drops from the dark heaven. She takes children on his back and carries, while a voice call...
Jofat ..."Miriam ... human silhouette Miriam you lashed out in my consciousness stems filled with shattered by the voices of your tower, instead of spittle, threw on me ... sand ..."
Miriam ..: How not understand ... Already I go, Jamal comes next week, she goes with him to Magdala, Goodbye ...?!

Sherom follow  ...:
Sherom ...: On the outskirts of the village, standing water get across quartz effects mirrors, together with scattered clouds that were separated from the elderly seeking true face having the concave dome, munificent joy of receiving the source of the roof on abdomens lichens Migdal Cemetery.

Phandle to the cemetery to see his father, sitting on long solar gloomy. From a snowy mountain peak bravely he attaches to his return, his spirit, part of the sleeping immaterial life; her daughter resting under his feet, returning to his waking body, from her home. This sees abandoned, comes directly addressing the courtyard, there is a tendency and sleeps the days he was not.
Miriam ...(In the dream) ... "Father yet I have you gone, sometimes you hear me come at night, slept more I thought you were not and you just saw it with my neighbors put your white shroud for your rest...
In the tour, kisses the earth and see the tower, climb the steep rocks without spilling any of his ancestors, in the cold stones seemed to portray their faces doubt. Heavy rocks taken from Migdal, from their own ancestors, as if each stone should appear the illusion of taking the petrified intra bodies. Reaches the top, and a gale brought Galilee praise in his voice came ... then interrupted a manly voice ... "From here started the silent sound that opened my ears to want your divine fire, as they came from Galilee, went to fetch a big challenge to Palmahim ... astral and spoke Jofat dominated by the silhouette of Míriam "

Then woman of Magdala returned where his family, with his tower that never stopped jealous of her, because it was so high ... that everywhere is watching him...
And thus the mayor twin towers built to accompany her and Jamal gave him work to generate music and accompany him in his last days with the burning heat on his forehead. Provided, Miriam take charge of protecting children with high structure, similar in nobility Miriam attentions.

Aunque estoy parado en los hombros de gigantes, no veo mucho más lejos que el puente de mi nariz.
La culpa es mía. La vergüenza es mía.  Pues no soy digno de ustedes, mis queridos muertos.

Parte I - Emilio (abuelo materno)
Su crimen fue su inteligencia y su posesión de una conciencia social,
Que le hizo anhelar ver a su amada España permanecer libre y le impidió tolerar a fascistas.
No porto armas, aborrecía todo tipo de violencia. No incito la rebelión,
Aunque se rebeló contra los enemigos de la libertad nacionales y extranjeros.

Fue apasionadamente un idealista que, en un tiempo de oscuridad, se aferraba a la
Creencia en la perfectibilidad del espíritu humano.  No pudo soportar las mentiras que los periódicos Regionales llevaban diariamente y tradujo noticias de los periódicos estadounidenses y británicos sobre La creciente tormenta, compartiendo la verdad libremente con todos los que le escuchaban.

Dio discursos y escribió discursos dados por otros en apoyo a un condenada República,
Derrumbándose bajo el peso de su propia incompetencia y corrupción.
Le avisaron amigos de su inminente arresto y le ofrecieron pasaje a Estados Unidos o a
Buenos Aires donde muchos de sus amigos ya habían encontrado refugio.

Pero no conseguirían pasaje para su esposa y nueve hijos, y se negó a abandonarlos a su suerte.
Ellos vinieron por usted, como siempre, en medio de la noche, esos cobardes con rostros severos Escondidos detrás de ametralladoras.  Le llevaron preso, no por la primera vez, al Castillo de San Antón, una fortaleza en una bahía hermosa y tranquila, y lo transfirieron a otros calabozos.

Le arrancaron las uñas, una por una, y esos sus más tiernas caricias, mientras le pidieron nombres.
Lo que soportó, solo Dios lo sabe, mediante meses, y fue condenado a muerte como un traidor.
Le abrían fusilado en La Plaza de María Pita. Pero la República tenía amigos, hasta entre algunos oficiales Fascistas, y uno de ellos le abrió la puerta de su celda en la víspera de su ejecución.

Había sido transferido al Castillo de San Antón a esperar su sentencia. No obstante de haber contraído Tuberculosis entonces, sin embargo, según mi abuela, logro nadar de A Coruña a Sada a través de la Bahía en una noche sin luna, a la seguridad en el hogar de otro patriota que arriesgo su vida y la de su Familia para esconderle en su sótano y realizo un viaje de muchos kilómetros a pie para encontrar a su esposa.

Encontró su casa y le informo a su esposa del inesperado aplazamiento, y le pidió que enviara alguna
Ropa y zapatos para reemplazar sus trapos sucios.  Su hija mayor, María, insistió en
Acompañar a ese honrado desconocido, llevando cuanta ropa, comida y afectos personales
Pudo rápidamente recoger para llevárselos, sin saber cuándo le podría volver a ver.
De vez en cuando acepto la hospitalidad de una noche de estancia en el desván o ático de un Simpatizante republicano, los cuales no eran difíciles de encontrar en una Galicia
Ferozmente independiente bajo el yugo de uno de los suyos.
Pero sobre todo vivido en el bosque, con guerrilleros activos durante años.

Vivió con todas las comodidades de un animal cazado con otros que no cederían,
Cuyo mayor delito consistió en estar en el lado equivocado de una causa perdida.
Espero que le diese algo de consuelo el saber que estabas en el lado derecho de la historia.
No se lo dio a su esposa ni a sus nueve hijos.

Usted pagó muchos inimaginables sacrificios como penitencia por su conciencia.
Una vez al mes o más, después de pasado algún tiempo, visitó su esposa e hijos. Le introdujeron a los Más pequeños como un tío que vivía lejos. No sabían ellos que el barbudo salvaje que pagaba estas Visitas en media noche y se despedía antes de amanecer llevando puesta la ropa vieja y limpia de papa.

Los más mayores, María, Josefa, Juan y Toñita, todos aun en su adolescencia, les decían a los más Pequeños que su "tío" portaba noticias de su padre. Los niños más jóvenes, aun vistiendo los mantos Deshilachados de su inocencia, aceptaban esto, no cuestionando por qué se quedaba en el cuarto de Mamá toda la noche y se había ido siempre antes que despertaron la mañana siguiente.

No puedo concebir la profundidad de su angustia en tener que interpretar el papel de un extraño en su Propia casa, de no poder abrazar a sus hijos más pequeños quienes adoraba, para prevenir que los Vecinos fascistas quienes trataban a menudo de adquirir informes de ellos con pasteles y dulces en Tiempos de hambre, tratando de usar su Inocencia como un arma contra usted.

Sus padres eran relativamente ricos empresarios que cultivan el mar pero lo desheredaron—
Tal vez por su forma de actuar, tal vez por elegir a emigrar, negándose a unirse a la empresa familiar o Tal vez por casarse por amor en la ciudad de Nueva York con una joven sumamente trabajadora pero De clase humilde y estación social inferior en los ojos de sus padres.

Vivió lo suficiente para ver el fin de la guerra civil, pero no a su amada España liberada de sus cadenas.
Falleció antes de sufrir las consecuencias de la guerra cuyo fin fue el preludio de décadas de
Angustiantes cosechas de angustia y Amargura a quienes la sobrevivieron.
No se salvaron de esa cosecha su esposa y sus hijos.

No hay libros que graben su nombre. La mayoría de quienes le conocieron están muertos.
No obstante, siete décadas después de su fallecimiento aun aparecen en su nicho flores en el Cementerio de Fontan que guarda sus cenizas y las de su hijo mayor, Juan y su hija,
Toñita, quienes murieron aún mucho más jóvenes que usted, a los 19 y 15 años.

También yacen allí las cenizas de su esposa, Remedios, donde el
Honor, la bondad, la decencia, y un Corazón puro y deshecho en su
Muy corta vida por un mundo muy poco merecedor de su
Presencia finalmente descansan en paz.

____
Translated from my English original poem "Unsung Heroes -- Part I: Emilio (Maternal Grandfather)" available in its original English version here: https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2904353/unsung-heroes-1-emilio-maternal-grandfather/

Puno tamnih opisa. Jezivih priča. Tko je tu lud? Ja, ili ja koji želi biti lud? Jesu li te priče priče? Ili ne želim vjerovati da su tu i sada kao ja i ja.

DIWALI MUBARAK ** HAR EK KO

D.. Deep jalaye shraddha ka aaj;

I.. Iski jyot se, roshan kare sara samaaj; aur charo aur prem pasare.

W.. Wada kare, neki ki aur pyar ki rah pe chale, hardum.

A.. Aakar de ek aise jahan ko, jaha pyar hi pyar **, shraddha aur swabhimaan **.

L.. Lau sada jalti rahe har dil mein, shraddha, sacchai aur prem ki.

I..India ka, hamare desh ka, naam roshan kare, desh ka har baccha.

Tathastu.

Armin Dutia Motashaw

Sve počne kada nastupi tišina. Kada prestane svo šuškanje, lupkanje, svi koraci i kikot. Kada ostanem sama u svojoj sobi, u kojoj je jedini izvor svetlosti sveća sa mirisom vanile.
Tada, dok ležim pokrivena omiljenim mekanim ćebetom koje mi je poklonila baka još kada sam bila mala, tok misli me vodi u svetove za koje nisam ni znala da postoje. Ne osećam težinu svog tela, ne vidim više ni svetlost sveće. Veoma je slično snovima, ali ipak ne sanjam.
Odjednom, srce mi jače kuca, disanje mi se ubrzava i iz mira me izbacuju misli, koje sada ne teku, već jure kao da se takmiče koja će pre da dopre do mene. Nekim danima su to misli koje izgledaju kao polje maslačaka u proleće, obasjano suncem, u kom se čuje samo cvrkut ptica i moj smeh. Sa druge strane, moje misli mogu da izgledaju i kao sklop svih prirodnih nepogoda. Tada sklupčana sedim u uglu svog uma, osetim vrelinu požara i čujem grmljavinu, ali ne vidim ni prst pred okom.
Mada, kao što ništa u životu nije crno-belo, nisu ni moje misli. Uvek postoji taj međuprostor, to šarenilo ili ponekad samo praznina. Mnogo puta mi se desilo da uđem u svoj um i da on izgleda kao beskonačno bela soba puna pitanja. Koja pitanja se nalaze na beskonačno belom zidu vašeg uma?

Kao primer uzmimo zenu koja ima potrebu da zadovolji svoje primarne potrebe, da bude srecna i zadovoljna.
I zamislimo takvu ispunjenu zenu koja se u drustvu deklarise kao "nicija" da je krenula u potragu za osobom koja bi zadovoljila njenu primarnu potrebu.
Prvo pitanje do koga dolazimo jeste, koga ona zapravo trazi?
Logicno bi bilo da ona prvo trazi one slicne sebi "nicije"ali razmotrimo i druge opcije.

Recimo da joj u oci upadne  prvo osoba koja je "necija" i da dodje do zadovoljenje potrebe. Obratimo paznju kako "nicija" zena sad nije vise u prvom planu, nego sta se desava uz prisustvo glasovnih promena gde "ne" prelazi u "sva", da, da, kako osoba "necija" samim cinom prelazi u "svacija". Neko bi rekao "jedna, manje-vise" nije to za " "svacija" za svacija je veci broj kao ono kad se do 5 kaze 3 coveka, 4 coveka, a od 5, 5 ljudi ili 5 svacijih, to je to, to je isto.

Pogledajmo sada opciju 2, zapravo kada dodje do spajanja dve "nicije" osobe, ali pogledajmo iz jednog blizeg, intimnijeg ugla. Da bi zadovoljenje bilo dovedeno do vrhunca, da podsetim opet, da ovde pricamo o srecnoj I zadovoljnoj zeni,  neophodno je da obe nicije osobe, drugu osobu dozive kao svoju teritoriju, kao deo sebe, ne bi li se prepustile I uzele sve ono sto im treba, sve ono sto ih dovodi do vrhunca. Vec vidim da su vam jasne I ovde glasovne promene I da “nicija zena” mora da u ovakvim trenucima postane “necija”

Razmotrimo sad I situaciju 3 da “nicija zena”  trazi zadovoljenje od osobe koje je “svacija” , Na prvu loptu reklo bi se da je ovde u pitanju neko savrsenstvo prisutno, gde “nicija zena” nije ljubomorna sto svaciji imaju I druge, ne zavidi im, nego bezuslovno voli I velika je podrska svima na tom putu slobode pa I samoj sebi.

Ali nemojmo se zavaravati  to je samo za posebne , recimo Isus Hrist, on I ako nije vise ziv I dalje je svaciji, pruza ljubav svima,  a I dovodi mase do vrhunca, ima ono desavanje kad svake godine ulazi svestenik u njegov grob, zatvore ga, pritom on nema  nista cime bi upalio svecu, nego desi se cudo I sveca se sama upali sama I kad svestenik izadje svi navale na njega ne bi li dobili plamen, pitam se sta rade sa svecama kada se plamen ugasi?

Zakljucak iz ovog bi bio da “nicija zena“ moze postojati jedino kao nezadovoljna, nesrecna zena, ona kojoj vise nisu bitne njene potrebe, ona koja ne dopusta sebi da uzme sta joj treba, ona koja odustaje od sebe, ona kojoj je tesko da poveruje da ipak moze biti necija I srecna, i da je to ok,  I da zbog toga ne mora da postane debela i umre pre vremena.

mh 2017

O da, bila sam bas debelo dete u jednom periodu detinjstva. Moji bas nisu bili takticni, umesto prvo da me posalju u zagorje a posle na more da se malo istrosim plivanjem, oni bi me prvo vodili na more a onda davali babi.A tamo u zagorju u jednom selu blizu varazdinskih toplica sve domace. Vrhnje sa sirom, mlad kackavalj baba pravila od komsijskog kravljeg mleka koje sam inace pila svakog dana i to tek pomuzenog sa temperaturom krave. Domaca jaja, domaci hleb, slaninice, kobasice, razne pite i slatke i slane pecene u sporetu na drva. Iz baste paradajza, krastavca i paprika. A davali su mi i da popijem po malo vina domaceg koje je babin brat pravio i koje je stajalo u nekoliko bacvi u podrumu kuce, a koje su me cesto slali onako da povucem na crevo pa pretocim u flasu. Verujem da je mami bio sok kada bi me videla nakon mesec dana u promenjenom obliku, zapravo bila je besna na svekrvu poprilicno. Kod kuce bih uglavnom doruckovala ili vecerala sama za stolom, i to je bila prilika za mastu, a mastala sam da imam sestru ili brata. Napravila bih sendvic za sebe a i sendvic za imaginarno drustvo, naravno oba sendvica bi zavrsila u meni. S kim ti sada jedes? Rekli mi a da nisam ni pitala nego doslo samo po sebi na temu BG Kaze: "imamo dve sestre koje stalno dolaze ali ne pricaju".

*mh sep 2017