You know those days --
those sad, miserable, sucker-punched in the heart, sort of days --
when all you want, is for the tears to well out of you?
for your tears to flow, so that at least something comes out?
But it's as though you have no more tears left in you.
Your well is all dried up.
It's a bit like my heart, actually,
The way it's dropping,
so
far
down
in my chest.
(I'm almost worried it'll disappear.)
And I have friends.
I have these wonderful, beautiful, friends of mine -- I have people.
But it feels
as though
I am glass.
fragile.
see-through.
And no matter how I want
to scream, "HELP!"
the words stay sticky, stuck,
in my throat.
And in the end, well.
I'm back all alone.
But I am still breathing.
I am still living.
still wanting to keep on doing those things.
More than anything, I want to push
that darkness,
that fear,
that lingering sadness, swallowing me whole into its abyss --
I want to push it far, far, away.
But all I can do now, is ask:
"How do I get out of here?"
Like that little lost child, whom I have not been in so long.
And hope
for an answer
that will not come.
-- original, typed in romaji --
Korewa,
Nakitakutemo, nakitakutemo,
Ikiru kotoga zenzen mazushikutte,
Mou, namidawa nai.
tte iu kannji.
Nannka, kokoro ga sukoshi zutsu
"chi-nn" to ochiterumitai.
Soshite, tomodachi ga donnani itemo
Jibunnwa fuyou no gurasu
Mou, toumei mitai ni natte
[Tasukete] to iitakutemo
Kotobawa nodo ni tsuikotte,
Owariniwa mata hitoribochida.
Demo, mada ikiterushi,
mada ikitai****,
Kono kurosa, kono nayamiwa,
Tookuni oshitai.
Daga, maigo no kodomo no youni,
[Douyatte kokokara deruno?]
toshika kikenai.
The English is a translation of something I wrote a little less than a month ago, other title suggestions welcome. I was having a not fantastic day, so the original was in Japanese. As Hello Poetry doesn't yet allow for kanji characters, I've typed it here using romaji.
