I have been shy with you
because in secret I SIN
THINKING OF YOU
until I melt in your arms
like a candle all night
shy I will be
Unrequieted I've become
LOVE OF MY LIFE!
in secret I remained loving you
all of my life since we met
when I've been all alone
mad passionate love
I made to you
all the night long
but mostly
I  missed you that much more
when I wasn't all alone
and that was my misfortune  
in secret I learned how to
be loving to you
after you left me p/r
just like Rhett
left Scarlett
I wasn't greedy in this life time
I've seen what
jealousy and greed
can do to lost souls
hating me for the absence
of what they had in excess
ignorance and superstition
many a time they did hurt me
unprovoqued
some bid to take my life
and I did weep
I did CRY for your love
for many other reasons
too painful to mention
my lover of life you
I MISSED YOU SO
knowing me was loving me
had you given me a chance
it got harder not to miss you
as each desolate year flew by
cruel Mr time added penance
to my treacherous path
another queen
took your heart
reading into my soul's
inscripted scarler "A"
my heart resigned in a void
when despair plunged  
your daggar on me
many times I promised myself  
to show you love if you ever
returned
I planed to blindfold me  
or meet you in the dark
that you may see my secret
stars sparkling in full array
to earn your love back
I planed to blindfold you too
  to break the
nefarious silence and gap
so you could feel how identical
from every angle we were
interchangeable twin flames
what a rare occurance
that is
the sun light of God
in you face did blind me
the look in your grassy eyes
burned me up
blew me or re-arranged me
froze numb me
only you had that power on me!
you too the light of God
in my face you could see
all sumissive to you
the years now passed
its Winter love
my old lovers, silence, grief martirdum & regret
refused to leave me alone
how I hated them!
and then some
the bad with the well intentioned ones I also refused
my inner core loved only you

please thaw me slowly now
don't dig your knifes in me
can't you see
I've put everything to sleep
who can live in your love without you
in every life time you left me
for another woman
and
each time I took my life
in jealousy I drowned
in silence I died
WHO AM I?
  the woman who loves you
the MOST
in this whole wide world
THAT'S WHO
Karijin! Jump in my pool
now all my lovers have
finally given up and left me
if you still wish to see me cry
USE honey HUG me
kiss me with your Rhett kiss
spirit breath of life
and if you can't
look at your STAR
in your bed
remember my
constellation is Aries
Gods love bid we should
have married
once upon a time
to change the world.
no more class rich could
marry  poor
You changed my life, love
you Rocked my world
I love you forevermore
LOVE OF MY LIFE.

I should be combating
no one else but you
for who can tolerate an
arrogant tyrant man like you
sea and sky eyed
love of my life is what you are
your many defects
all your flaws are way so many
you hurt me precious love
not even you can count
them anymore
You are just like Jack for Rose in Titanic, worse then Rhett for Scarlett in Gone With the Wind
at least Rhett asked that blind, past life beauty me,
to marry him with passion in kiss
You wanted me to cry of jealousy to earn my diamond ring and beg you to marry me
like treating me like garbage
leaving me behind in need
would earn you me
for submissive wife all yours
You act more like a spoiled brat capricious child than a grown up man day in and day out
You must always all the time
Be the great conquistador
you always want to be
the winner one
You are the most selfish
and bully man
I have ever known to adore
But one fantastic thing about you
Erases all your selfish arrogances
all at once I want no other lover no other man but you you
When at the right moment
You are able to become this other outworldly other gentleman!
and I fall love with you
mad passionate ever lover mine
You transform you are the best  
crazy lover in the world
And In an instant dear beloved
You mature you get tall
an all grown-up handsome man
You get biger then larger is
and just so huge in my arms
There you see there is
this other you I adore
you make me madly
jealous
so madly in love with you I am
You make me crazy and a fool for you over and over
again
You make me sweat you make me sing and in your arms
i drip i do I do
I get drenched in sweat by you
I cry through every pore with exstasy's joy under you Ruby ivory mine that you are
some often times
you shatter me with one look
and I am put together back instantly as one, and hole again
with just one kiss
a whole new me work of art
in your arms I become
impossible to remember any sorrows past or troubles new
you have ever put me through
eons back twin soul love true
I see how all my friends are loved they seem placid and
calmer with content with their mates than I am in public view
They do not argue or constantly disagree nor fight like you
force me so often to do
They receive gifts and red roses
For their anniversary
and birthdays are a gathering
of simple bliss and joy
Their man always say "yes" to them pleasing them in All
so I tell them I am gold to you
That no favours are denied
no birthing task ever too hard
to grant my man still I cry
They never have constant disagrements convinced
every couple enjoys simple pleasures like they do
and honored by their man
They just seem to ever thrive
Instead take good look at us always fighting through it all
a clown circus event our life is
the life you give me and yet anchored to my heart forever
you remain sweety pie
While you you come and go
faithfully pounding you wave
you give me hope you are my star I drown in tears
with jealousy for you in another
womans arms
you tos me up your wildest ancient waves rip me apart
you are life to me and you are death
All our days wild days of war
I wouldn't change them though
For I am as you want me to be
Alive in your arms only I am
I survive a neglected pet
tasting only crumbs your
passionate love I do forever miss
I am dead in every other place
I hate you, then I love you,
I hate you love you I adore you
Don't ever leave me to die
Transform my grown up man
get big larger and huge
like only you can do!
You make me feel so alife
then I love you, then I hate you, then I love you all over again,
Don't ever leave me behind
I want no other man but you
You are in my arms such
giant ever green that I adore
As only you can transform
in an instant from big to large
to huge
Be grande grande grande
mi amor lay with me I love you
Take my breath away
only you I want I adore only you
I bridge the gap wailing I wait?
Be my grande grande amor
my huge ever
my sad reality.
~~~~~~~~
By:Karijinbba
Revised 07-03-19

A repost:
A Roman poem written before The birth of Christ, inspired the title Gone With The wind
with Scarlett and Rhett Butler

But here you see only old
confessions of a man's true love for his beloved who is all gone
-Or-
(Or a woman's true love for
her beloved runner wishing she could have chased.)
~~~
CYNAR*A.
~~~~~
Last night yesternight, betwixt her lips and mine
There fell thy shadow, Cynara! Thy breath was shed
Upon my soul between the kisses and the wine;
And I was desolate and sick of an old passion,
  Yea, I was desolate and bowed my head:
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.

All night upon mine heart I felt her warm heart beat,
Night-long within mine arms in love and sleep she lay;
Surely the kisses of her bought red mouth were sweet;
But I was desolate and sick of an old passion,
  When I awoke and found the dawn was grey:
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.
I have forgot much, Cynara! Gone with the wind,
Flung roses, roses riotously with the throng,
Dancing, to put thy pale, lost lilies out of mind
But I was desolate and sick of an old passion,
  Yea, all the time, because the dance was long:
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.

I cried for madder music and for stronger wine,
But when the feast is finished and the lamps expire,
Then falls thy shadow, Cynara! The night is thine;
And I am desolate and sick of an old passion,
  Yea, hungry for the lips of my desire:
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.
~~~~~~~

By:Ernest Dowson
For:RhettlvScarlet.
to honor Karijinbba
in her great loss and healing
of her memory chip.
~~~~~~
Copy Rights.
~~~~
Ernest Dowson (1867-1900) died of alcoholism at the age of 32. His downward spiral began at age 23 when he fell for an 11 year old girl who would spurn him at 14 when he proposed marriage.
The following year, in 1894 his father died from an overdose. Dowson's mother
hanged herself within a year of her husband's death.

Soon after this dual tragedy Dowson left for France before returning back to England in 1897. Curiously he lived with the family of his unrequited love. Penniless, heartbroken and filling the empty voids in his life with alcohol, Dowson would spend the last six weeks of his life in the cottage of the Oscar Wilde biographer Robert Sherard who had found him
drunk in a bar.

Speaking of Oscar Wilde, he wrote after Dowson's death of a,"Poor wounded wonderful fellow that he was, a tragic reproduction of all tragic poetry, like a symbol, or a scene.

I hope bay leaves will be laid on his tomb and rue and myrtle too for he knew what true love
unrequieted love was."
~~~~~

Not in voice?
If I want to know
if he really loves me so
  in his kiss there's fire,
nowhere else I can know.
I felt this flame in one love
I find it again!
Because it's right
because I own this fire
and my lover owns same

No it's never too soon
or too late for true love
to meet half way masked
The Kiss! Anxient fire
ages asleep awakens díer
twin flames unrequieted.
Memory ignition the key
We long to see that face,
we die to hear that voice
our beloved breaths on.

Our grail lost found
so many times before
so many lifetimes on and on
twin soul ancient divine
the cosmic law of attraction
pairs up beings knowing
what we cannot unravel
we ask to see to marvel
as life times we struggle.
May we meet to tangle.

Let's not live of trinkets
dreams and memories
alone, sharks we are
no liquor can makes us
a sharks meal.
Why become ramora!

We're rascals Rhett
and his Scarlet renewed.
This world will never
own us, let's own it
we are the authors
of our own life and destiny
We know, we intuit
we are loved cherished
in ways so deep no words
exist to describe our
joy and happiness
the battomless loss
abyss free us in courage.
what we ask to see lifetimes before
is now reveled and revered.
~~~~
Oh the silky breath
my Angel once withdrawn
in sadness
my love returns priceless.
Softly as rose petals tikling
memory chip's lock snapping
the long gap banished.
~~~
By:Karijinbba.

One of my favorite books is Gone With The Wind
I read it when I was younger and liked to imagine I was like Scarlett
She was decisive, sassy, bossy; nothing could hurt her
I thought I needed a man similar to Rhett Butler
Someone who was authoritative.
Someone who could "put me in my place"
I thought of myself as indestructible
No one could actually hurt me

But they can.
I've realized I'm just as fragile as anyone else
Maybe even more so
Words can hurt me
And they do

I don't need someone who is mean to me
Or tells me what to do
I'm not indestructible
So I don't need someone to destruct me

It took me growing up to realize
I'm just a little girl

I’ve longed for so long to be
A part of something apart from me
But the seconds and minutes draw near
Turn into days, into weeks, a year
Just what will it take to be,
Just to be, to be free

Will you be the Adam to my Eve?
Without you I’m incomplete
Just half of what I could be
Jack and Sally or Sid and Nancy
Nobody else can compete
Together we will run free

Let’s write our own twisted love story
Who cares what anyone else may say
We’ll be both the judge and jury
And in our own little world we’ll stay

I want to be closer now
Closer than skin and bone will allow
I want to peel away the edges
To remove all the excess
Be closer than we know how
Just be free, you and me

The Romeo to my Juliet
Without you I’m incomplete
Just half of what I could be
I’ll be Scarlett O and you’ll be Rhett
Nobody else can compete
Together we will run free

Let’s write our own twisted love story
Who cares what anyone else may say
We’ll be both judge and jury
And in our own little world we’ll stay

Will you be the Jekyll to my Hyde?
Without you I’m incomplete
Just half of what I could be
And I’ll be the Bonnie to your Clyde,
Nobody else can compete
Together we will run free

Copyright © 2016-2017 KF

rddpc your word of honor lives on
our very heart beat drum is us,
God let his heart beat forever
reign peaceful my lover divine .
~~~
He left me as I guarded silence
in shock in my prime later again.
I remained decades sunstruck
in love with this King my twin
no matter what I just do.
~~~
His shamanic drum and ink is my heart beat raising and pausing as
I burn bittersweet at the sound
of his drum beating getting closer
thus my beloved materializes
in my arms again and again
whispering "baby baby"  in my ear
for hours in the same hot Atlas.
worshipping him.
~~~
{ JC felt like Rhett B in GWTHW
with Scarlet O running
to women mad for his all
instead of being true to himself and stay with me whom he truly loved
to fall in love after asking a few key questions to see me eye to eye.😂}
✓\✓\✓________
°°°
His foot steps ink and all I hear
as his familiar rose scent
tickles his chin and I see them there;
then slowly my candle is blown off.
my heart stops ✓}✓___
I am never alone our union warps
etched in time and space as a painting safe inside a fortress of loves sacred parameters and divine brain art.
°°°
His whispering drum drumming
remained embedded deep in my soul.
The love of my life my heart beating
he guards
His word of honor he gave to be so
and so it is
thanks Heaven for his loving ways .
~~~~
√/✓\✓\/√√ √\√\√\√\√√ \√\√\√.
Karijinbba.

Hold me holy lover sinner
worldly lover mine twin soul,
like Rhett Buttler
beheld Scarlet in his arms
as she sobbed

hold me speace me madly
love me long like
Rae Ingram (Nicole Kidman) and her husband, John (Sam Neill),
held each other on their yacht
rocked by oceanic waves in
Dead Calm!
 
Oh beloved gold key come stay rock me hear my plee

regardles of names time and space or sand hour glass
I love you
fly to me I am wearing my red robe waiting for you up the magestic flight staircase,
the captured sacred
chronological dream spell
impregnating imagination

come up quickly search for me
inside your master bedroom
kick the door if you must
grab me apeace my despair
find me shivering in the closet burning with anticipation
save me hold me
put my fire out gold hearted lover mine
praying eons isolated hold on to your photograph
patiently waiting for a word
news thwt you caré as promised
I am breaking save me

Pop up the bubbly bottle is chilled O sweetheart sweety pie
I long to get high with you
fill up my cup full
twist my gold lock open with your
gold key Enter me! I can't live without you

let the fireworks begin to sing
I adore you do with me as you
please
eternity is ours to love
let me devour you apeace me
the nights long the days and eves long ***
see you ginham shirt buttons popping up strong long
pants zipper tearing up
my He-Man Ruddy divine

the nights eons long I sought you
out of time and space is only for the devil not for true love.

I have dreamt with this dream
since you and I carved it
lovingly photographic memory
and all once upon a time
has come suddently

and though another soul grabs
you tieing you down
as you gave her presence ring and name
I know you love me forever
more as you're a man of your word
hold me for the ocean waves
drown me they now wrack
our boat for you two as I watch
I break uphold me
Oh how it hurts not to feel you
caressing my existence in person

but I have felt your beautiful loving passionate ways
long time ago my gold lock
and your gold key did laid your bridge
openning heavens portal in me.

and that makes all the
difference today

sigh
~~

When a man one adores
shows up a call girl photo card,
make sure you love him more
then you love yourself,
to let such sweetheart
true love best lover go,
like I let mine fly off.
My king understood love by his woman's  jealousy dinamics
shown for him. I understood love
by the trusting self assured
non jealous attitude owned.
So, for this kind of lover.
Fight for his love do cry!
Instead of letting this jeweled king
go to his call girls like I did because
his joy and happiness
was above and beyoud my own.
iI turns out he had given me all his love in written prenuptial contract and had no love for no other queen or slave or call girl to give her he was telling me he was my true love
only mine after two decades!
Foolish me was amnesic and couldn't speak up about the plot of his ancient prenuptial was since he told me
he was married and to never
look back  then he cursed me
to hate him from afar and move on;
which I did, but I didn't choose right .
I fell victim of human predators.
because his lyrics deceived my naive soul in youth I did not tell him I loved him and I lost his love.
slowly but sureky he took his Kammazutra back but I had my own
and just like him my lover brain sixty nine I give to noone I haven't found one worthy to be loved. .
It's disastrous and very foolish.
As I observe a lifetime after,
we both adored each other
in our own well intentioned ways
interchangeably even but other
forces conspire dod to wreck us up.
  without wanting to or knowing how.
We both understood love
in different ways;
this interpretation was
both our downfall my demise was only silence for in my mouth lips and words I had my cure to his live enchantment and end eternal love.
His Karma had pledged
in his Rhett Buttler past life,
he would search world wide,
or buy love if he had to,
but he was going to be loved
only in his way.
So we both lived out our destiny
but life was never the same
ever again as that which
was between us we were identical within m, twin flanes twin souls

Without him physically
my existance was like a dream.
more often like a nightmare.
I lost everything,
and everyone I ever adore.
like a house if cards it came
tumbling all down and,
it materialized even here on HP
since then I learned to close doors
to disconnect say good bye
but to my twin no good bye
it's impossible.
I feel blessed and cursed.
all in all I found misery and pain.
~~~~~~~
By Karijinbba 1974-95 & on.