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Carter Ginter Nov 2017
Fresh baked bread
Layered in death and vegetation
My insides burn with withdrawal
It's been almost 24 hours now
How much longer will it take?
To either cave in unwillingly
Or to die painfully slow?

If I had not forgotten my cash
I'd have given in to my survival drives
I'm happy I forgot it
Because I can't stomach the idea of food
Let alone choke down something so revolting
Only because it pulls me further away from death

Instead I flood my veins with nicotine
Desperately trying to curb these cravings
My legs threaten to give out
With each step I take
Even now, scratching this among global fem notes
Dissociated entirely from class
My hands won't stop shaking

Is it nerves?
Or physical deterioration?
Or the panic lying under the surface?
Deafening screams ricochet through my mind
As I try to drown these feelings
But they won't disappear

I've dropped significant weight
And I don't want it back
I don't feel the need to lose more
But still it falls away
And eventually leaves nothing but skin and bones
Fueled by electrifying anxiety
Hailey Rose Sep 2018
She’s the popular girl at school
who everyone longs to be.
They know her very well.
Or do they actually?

She chose to wear a sweatshirt today
that could fully cover up
all the bruises her boyfriend left
that are brand new this month.

She comes to school with a bright smile,
but it’s only just for show
because behind that smile is a frown,
and no one will ever know.

Everyone thinks she has it all,
but little do they understand
how severely wrong they are,
for her life is a wasteland.

She hides the hurt and hides the pain,
hiding her tears that pour like rain.
She wears a thousand faces,
all to hide her own.

Getting home she runs to the bathroom
stepping on top of that box.
She observes the numbers slowly going up
and then coming to a stop.

She hears them say, “You’re model material!”
“With that bikini body of yours!”
She shakes her head in denial,
leaning on the sink ready to hurl.

A waterfall of tears ready to fall
as she looks into the mirror.
Swallowing hard, she closes her eyes
and forces a smile to improvise.

Soon dinner is ready
and her parents set the table.
She drags herself to her chair,
looks down at her meal and stares.

Moving the fork back and forth,
not taking a single bite
because of how miserable she is with herself,
"Why am I so revolting?" she thought.
So she kisses her parents goodnight.

Walking up the stairs,
her stomach is a roaring lion.
She sighs, walking into her bedroom,
turning off her lights.

She’s learned to hold all her feelings in
until late at night,
and uses her hand to cover her mouth
so no one hears her cries.
Lyn-Purcell Aug 2018

My silver Knight,
shining with angelic splendour has sailed
towards the outer regions of my Kingdom
to lay waste to all my enemies. My heart in
hands, my hands are clasped, brought alive
with love, with light, with prayer.
Please, come back to me.
As I think of arrows piercing his breast,
or swords, or warhammers or even axes
I cannot, will not ever dance to the songs
of war.
A fire that claims souls, the earth that drinks
blood, a sight that makes my stomach turn
To see men fighting for a cause or no cause
at all. For war rapes all of happiness and loved
Oh! Begone tortuous thoughts! Revolting facts!
He will return. He will return!
For my nation prays with fervour, but all have
bleary-eyes, no more than me. He's gone to brave
the dragon's dawn - of men branded, fuelled by
the flames of war, riding into the fields on their
snow kissed mounts, roaring and clashing under
a broken sky; the kiss of steel, blades that dance
between life and death and give any and many
the kiss of Eternal Sleep.
The harp of his silver tongue plays soft, gentle and
true. Hand in hand, we walk through fields, of my
dreams divine! The ambition, the care, the charm
glowing in your eyes to be something more.
To you, I was a muse to climb and soar though the
heights, and you spoke so highly of my golden
sapient quill.
My heart, heavy, full of woe
As sleep has not come smoothly to my face,
my body, my heart, my soul.
You promised me, 'I will return to you.'
  'I will return to you,'
how your voice hung so sweet in my ear,
ripe with love, vibrant with hope, certain as the rising light
Please do not fade away, I could not bear it!
Please don't fade away!
Bring unto me that gold and joyous hour!
Fair the storms and roars; overcome the shores,
slay and return to me from the dragon's dawn,
unscathed and with a smile on your handsome

A continuation of my 'Silver Knight' poem!
Lyn ***
OC Nov 2018
I savored my own killing

I could've done so
at the twilight of my days
while I dose off
on a creaking rocking chair
my old lean limbs entangling down
my crooked joints melded to the arm rests
my heavy head resting on my collarbone
oblivious as I
mercifully approach from the back
gently stepping on the tube
leading oxygen to my dying body
watching as my breath become heavy
as my blocked throat wheeze in exhaustion
as my stressed lungs finally collapse
as I quietly yield to sleep.

I  could've done so
sometime tomorrow or yesterday
As I lay asleep on my back
snoring as usual
in an instant I'll roll over
and be on top of myself
clasping at my mouth and nose
pressing my full body weight
as I jolt awake, panicked and confused
my arm randomly flailing around
torn prayer flags swooped by a hurricane
my fingers digging into the flesh of my arms
attempting to pull me apart
until finally
my stubborn grip overcomes
and defeated I dim onto stillness
save for a twitch here or there.

I chose to do so
in my youth
as the texture of a heavy rope
grazes and bruises the skin on my neck
while I send a chilling smile at myself
from across the room
pulling a handle
that drops the floor beneath my feet
accelerating for the first time
relishing the hissing air
the absence of gravity
catching with my eyes my penetrating gaze
older than I am
full of grief, fatigue, and divination
cut by the cracking rope
torn like my snapped neck
with a hallow sound
much less revolting than I thought
watch me dangling like
a ragged pendulum
a grotesque puppet
an unripe miscarriage
feeling but a slight pinch of regret
for never knowing
this moment
Allison Wonder Nov 2018
Just try to ignore him...

Ignore his stench,
Like sweat drenched fears?
Ignore his laugh,
Like a shrill in my ears?
Ignore his face,
Like a revolting ghoul?
Ignore his imbalance,
Like a battered mule?
Ignore his touch,
Like a rugged wrench?
Ignore his darkness,
Like an endless trench?
Ignore his power,
Like a stifling net?
Ignore the things,
I beg to forget?
Allison Wonder © 2018
Afia Jul 2018
A fierce growl shattered the vampire's coffin
The wood cracks and the monster is awake
Hurry! Dig a pit for the creature to hide
Burn it before the sunrise
Oh do not let the world encounter this chaos
No one should see the vile mien
of a ferocious blood ******* entity
That thrusts its teeth deep into the delicate skin
and schemes for barbaric damages.
The naive creature stands with utter dainty
A revolting smirk sleeps on its face
Pale skin and a bloodshot gaze
An evil snicker revealed the fangs
See how the eyes move with hostility
Like a venom injected in the name of brutality
Sharp nails and clenched fists
Searching for a throat to slit.
The air now breathes a vengeful sigh
Like a wild beast craves to die
Dark shadows lurk behind the curtains
Silent whispers yodel about a burden
The creature stone eyed, stares back
I breathe quietly under the horrid impact
It is coming my way
I can feel the intruding fear of a feeble prey in my veins
Finally, as if the monster made its mind
It opened the mouth in a solemn cry
A shrill voice so piercing, it shattered my facade
I fell on the ground like a broken glass
It was no monster or a Dracula that howled
Ah yes, my own reflection scared my soul
Years of self hate and agony prevailed
And I have been ******* on my veins in despair
My corrupt heart no longer beats
Darkness dwells in its core; so deep
Now watch the results of constant infight
I am nothing more than a mere parasite
A ray of sun touching me toes,
The toxic  memories fading with the tick tock
Once again, I repair my coffin
And slither into a sound slumber on the symphony
Of a robin.
There's a monster inside all of us and unconsciously some of us allow it to feed on our most sensitive emotions. Yes. It is painful.
human beings,
peculiar, are they not?
They worship fighting and violence
over nurturing and care.
The critisize unnecessarily,
and it all stems from insecurities
that come from others.
It's an endless, revolting cycle.
In the midst of all of This dismantling
itself into it's revolting component honesty, I try to remember the way
your arousal changed the hue of the space around you.

Memory or fantasy or dream
or lie or ecstatic state; bottles filled with coloured sand and then sealed up into boxes left by the street.

If only someone could sculpt the dance we do between the moments
of a waking life crystallizing into grotesque simplifications rattling chains in the labrynth we build for loneliness.

I try to chisel some aspect of it into wind and rain.

I try to pick out your breathing
among the howling infinity outside and my edges are reasserted by the glare of life's shadow.

My name is that of any pile of bones ever to have a candal held for it.

My path is undetermined, unfettered from the seething potential beneath all things.

Explode with me.

We can paint the crumbling walls of our illusory disconnection like a drunken Michaelangelo laughing at the absurdity he is a part of.

**** rules, style, message, time, space, words.

**** it all.

Just go mad.
Elizz Jul 2018
Quaking Earth shattering Revolting
And I'm in the middle of it
My heart is at least
I didn't realize or notice that it got so big able to lumber out of my chest
I guess that's ok because I can't do anything about it
Just like I couldn't do anything about the fire rising up behind "me"
You aren't with me I don't get to hear your laugh anymore
Sprinkling down through ivy covered walls
You aren't with me
I've realized that a lot
But I also realize that when I get up in the morning
Or in most cases never going to sleep to begin with
The moon a lovely
Complicit pale lover
Never questioning me
Never worrying me
Listening when I need to talk
And instead of telling me what to do
Or telling me what I'm doing wrong
it just listens
I knew it wasn't a mistake when I fell for your pale face
It was a mistake when I started liking someone
Who's face didn't stay impressively passive when looking at me
It was a mistake to fall out of orbit
For someone who never wanted to be free
From the confines of gravity
To  come into my sky
You know sometimes
I can still see your shadow
Just out of the corner of my eye
The way your hair would fall
How your eyes would even enrapture the sun
You aren't mine anymore
But the sun still deigns to rise
And the moon still loves me
I can't get back the love and adoration
I gave you over the past five years
And as I said I still see your shadow sometimes
But you aren't mine
And that's ok
Because even though you never cared
About being the meteor that knocked me out of orbit
I still cared about you being happy
Even when it wasn't with me
Even when it isn't with me
And each day since
I've gotten off of the ground
More and more
So thanks
For the broken insecurities
For the things that I never wanted
Thanks for submerging me into a vat
Made out of stress and emotional pain
For the new sense of orbit
And the new outlook
And that sometimes
Dreams shatter
Possibilities shatter
But that's ok
Because when they shatter
The fractures
Lead to new doors
really really old four years at best
Joseph S Pete Nov 2018
As an IU Bloomington student,
I frequently made the drive back to
the fraying rusty fringe of Chicagoland,
the land of greasy-dappled gyro joints,
of Italian Beef, and Italian Sausage,
and Italian Beef and Sausage.

Some described it as one of the most boring drives
in America, lamenting the flatness and unvarying
scenery, but I always drove it under the shroud of darkness.

Nine Inch Nails, My Life With the Thrill **** Kult, and
the Revolting ***** spilled through the stereo.
Al Jourgensen growled his strange Rod Stewart cover,
his ode to crack-*******, and his heavy industrial soundtrack
that makes you feel tense, like a prime time victim show.

As the aggressive beats and resonant past washed over me,
I realized my cozy hometown offered comfort
but could sustain no credible
fantasies of the future.
Heather Apr 13
My therapist blinks
“But you know that’s no good”

I stare thoughtfully

“Yes what?”

Yes, I know how many calories it takes to keep from fainting,
To keep the growling at bay
To stop the cramping
But that doesn’t stop my body from revolting every time I take a bite
It doesn’t keep the calculator from running
It doesn’t make unsafe foods seem safe

Because nothing quiet stops the pain like physical pain. And up until this point nothing has ever felt quite as good as hunger.

“Yes I know I can’t skip breakfast and lunch”

But my bones know the truth.
Possum living Sep 20
After knowing her the way I have, the thought of others feels revolting, and impossible.

What the **** happened?

Maybe she is not who I thought she was.

I am not who I think I am.

Picturing her with another man is like a knife wound.

But why?

She should be, and will be, happy.

She deserves unbridled love and commitment.

A partner in life, not some **** boy.

She told me, "I have a strong feeling everything is going to be fine".

So, I have to believe her.
These words are not overly creative, or special, or impressive, or unique. It is just how I feel right now, and maybe someone else does too.
More Love Sep 25
"I didn't mean to ignore you" she said both genuinely and proudly.

Dually proud.
One, for her ability to evoke emotion in him, through her simple act of nothing.
And two, that it had been so very 'nothing' to her, that she very genuinely didn't know she was doing this act of nothing.

Ignorance, ignoring...
What’s the difference?
She was innocent.

Regardless, she moved through the circumstance
Something like a maverick
Cunning her way in and out of his heart...

Stitching it up,
a poor repair,
one that was soon to rupture again
surely worse next time.

But the remedy consoled him
And imagining her essence
hazily around him,
he fell into a dreamy slumber...

Until the next time she awoke him
with her jolting and revolting
Chilling and thrilling
Weary, weary...

SassyJ Aug 2018
You said it,how you broke my heart
every time we talk I break and cry
I stop as I was so crazy to love
To give all there is unconditionally
burnt shatters and pieces evoke
Now sat here at the cross legged bench
this country oak that soothed misery
the one with antique aesthetic split
Overlooking the misused McDonald’s
where ducks prey, play and swivel  
by the bus stop where people load
carrying suitcases to a distant destination
Yet, never had I been broken in my life
with lack of direction and unknown trauma
lost 10 feet under the revolting grounds
no apologies, no goodbye ,no explanation
not another chance,nor another beat
not a fiery fire, decrepit with the low blows  
Now solitude is a glove that fits me
It has justly put the pieces back together
Washed the foolishness and carelessness
For we are not made of bricks and blocks
Sat at this very spot today after years...... memories just streamed
Jordan Jun 22
Many realize waste
I struggle behind its shape
Revolting truth hmmmm
Eliana Moody Jan 11
There was a time I would wake up at 3am
And dread to open my eyes
I didn’t know if I’d see him there
I liked it better when he wasn’t…

There was a time when I hated the feeling
Of flesh against my own.
I couldn’t hug my own mother-
Much less stand his hands on me.

There was a time when I preferred
Sleeping on cold tiles by the bath.
Because laying in bed was revolting
My own thoughts made me sick.

There was a time where he told me:
To think things through carefully
To remember how hard I’d fought for him
To know that all he did was for (me).

There was a time when I said yes
And I said yes
And I said no

And so he left.

                                                          ­ //

                                                               ­           Lately, I sleep so soundly
                                                                ­    But if I wake, I open my eyes
                                                     Because I long to see his sleeping face
                                                            ­       Illuminated in the moonlight.

                                                     ­ Lately, I think upon his gentle hands
                                                           ­         And long to feel them on me.
                                                             ­        Together we tangle and fold
                                                            ­          And melt together into one.

                                                           ­                 Lately, I count the hours
                                                           ­          Til my working day is done,
                                                     And I can crawl into the warmest bed
                                                             ­              To lay safely in his arms.

                                                            Lat­ely, he gazes on me so sweetly
                                                         ­                   And doesn’t say a word.
                                                        He just gives me the warmest smile
                                                           ­                 And God, do I love him.

                                                           ­                        Lately, I tell him yes
                                                             ­                             And tell him yes
                                                             ­                             And tell him yes

                                                            ­                      And I never regret it.
Long poem time
Nathan Alexander Aug 2018
Oh, how disgusting.
All this disguising...
To become somebody that’s worth existing.

Oh, it's repulsing.
Fully engulfing...
Every truth, that ever found itself hiding.

So join me...
Hey let's play a lying game!
And ***** ourselves, with something exciting!

Deceiving, and heartless thieving...
After all life is so dull without some bleeding.

Such is life for a boring... Existence...

Cause I’m a...
Liar, liar!
And only that is true!
After all fire, fire...
Is something I pursue!
Just call out liar, liar!
And I’ll infect you too...
With the addictive taboo...
Of bidding the truth adieu.

Trust me!
That’s a lie, such a lie, for a lie!
You see, I can’t pry my own dyed scheming eyes.
So please, forgive my falsified truthful lies.
...Truly... Lying!

‘Cause I’m a liar.

Oh, how appalling.
The lies are crawling...
And covering every single little bit.

Oh, how revolting.
And full of loathing.
It’s nauseating!
Isn’t it?

Hardly pulsating...
A heart like that, is the only one that’s free.

Without emotion,
Without devotion...
It’s much easier to fake something happy.

Much easier to fake yourself being happy...

So, join me!
Hey, let's play a lying game!
And cover ourselves, with something inviting!

Rewriting, and truly lying...
Finally a story that wasn’t meant to end with painful feelings!

Put on the masks, and let's have us a masquerade!
Dancing senselessly, on the shadows of the betrayed!
A smiling, and crying, and lying charade...
Such is life for a boring... Existence.

'Cause I’m a liar, liar,
And only that is true!
After all fire, fire,
Is something I pursue!
Just call out liar, liar!
And I’ll infect you too...
With the addictive taboo...
Of bidding the truth adieu.

'Cause I’m a liar.

Ha, ha, I found you!
Hiding from the truth...
Well it’s nothing new.

I can see right through!
Liars know liars...
Like you know the back of your own hand.

It’s bland.
Such an existence...
Where everything goes as planned.
Is much more fun to navigate and understand.
That’s why...
I left it behind, my world is covered in lies.
That’s why...
It seems there’s no longer blue in my sky...


Put on the masks, and let's have us one last masquerade!
Dancing senselessly, on the shadows of the betrayed!
A smiling, and crying, and lying charade!
Such is life for the boring existence... Of a liar.

Am I a... liar? Liar?
Does it seem that way to you?
After all fire, fire...
Is burning through the roof...

'Cause you’re all... liars, liars!
And I don’t know what’s true!
After all fire, fire...
Has ravaged all I knew...

I call out liar, liar!
I cannot trust you!
But the world has gone askew...
And there’s nothing else to do...
Except bid the truth adieu...

Leave this, leave it behind, hide it in the back of your head!

I’ve given up on all I knew,
There is nothing, that is truly true.
I’ve given up on all I knew,
Because after they betrayed me, they’ve gone askew.
I’ve given up on all I knew,
Because life, people are so boring and dull,
There is nothing for me here.

I don’t see a point in living...
That’s a lie..?

Trust me!
What’s a lie?
Is it lies?
Only lies!
I can’t pry my blind eyes, while I cry...
Please, forgive my blackened sky full of lies!

Truly... Lying!
Truly... Dying...
Joilee Apr 12
She can't look at her reflection the same way you do.
The way you squint when you stare at the sun, or the disgust on your face when you notice something revolting, it's the same way she perceives herself.
She tries her hardest to avoid anything that might have a reflection because she cannot bear the sight of herself.
You stand there happy with your clothes, hair, face, and body, yet she can't find a single feature in herself that she loves.
She's standing there watching all the guys drool over the petite, fearless girls,
in skinny jeans and a shirt that is two sizes too small for them.
She stands there pondering over the fact that these girls don't have enough self-esteem to be confident without revealing skin.
Yet here she is, in the shadows of everyone else.
Yes, she has friends. Yes, some think she shines as bright as the stars in the sky. But no one sees her in that way, the way people do when they love each other.
She has never tasted the excitement that other girls have when a boy approaches them and request to go on a date.
She stands in her group of friends comparing herself to others. She thinks she's not attractive enough or funny enough or courageous enough, or good enough.
And it doesn't help when the people pass by her and call her names. This is the girl that everyone looks over.
She is always the last choice or the girl you come scrambling to when you have a problem. But have you ever considered hers?
Yes, you question her if she's ok. Yes, you ask her what's wrong. But you never get the truth.
Can't you notice the lies that appear out of her mouth, the way the words roll off her tongue as though she has rehearsed it a thousand times? No, because you don't listen, you only hear.
You stand there judging her because she only has three pairs of jeans or the fact that she wears a sweater every day to hide the scars of her sorrow.
You can't see that she's broken but at the same time full of life.
You stand there watching her laugh, smile, mess around yet it's a lie.
The biggest lie she ever lets someone believe.
Madison Apr 15
I don't know you, --
That's the cold, sad fact, --
And most days
I suspect there isn't much to know.

I know this
Because I know how it feels to love you.

Because loving you
Is like looking out the window
Into the street
When it's far too late
And even the hoodlums are asleep.
Loving you
Is like looking into the street
At midnight
When everyone's asleep
And it isn't raining.
The wind just blows uselessly
Rustling leaves
Reminding you that you can still breathe.

Loving you
Is like looking out the window at midnight
And walking away
Only feeling that you need to go to sleep
Because all the world around you seems dead.

Because loving you
Is like watching a show
Where all the actors have perfected their craft
And love to wear masks.
Loving you
Is like going to watch a show
That you know you've seen a million times.
The actors could convince you that they were working themselves to the very bone
And all you'd want
Is to doze off in the theater's cushioned velvet seats.

Loving you
Is like seeing a play
That's so ****** familiar
It makes you sick to think of watching it again
And yet
You'll never know how it feels
To watch it from backstage --
Not that you'd ever want to.

Because loving you
Is like loving the void, --
A black hole, that sits and swallows up everything
At your dinner table.
You'll say that you hate it
Curse its name as it ***** up
Your beef roast
Your silverware
Your fine china
Begging for dessert
Just before it latches on to your arm.
But deep down, you know
You'll just keep feeding it
Mindlessly tossing useless solutions in its direction
To satiate its beastly appetite.

You'll hurl things at it
With ferocious anger
At its revolting belch.
"Don't ask me for anything else," you'll mumble as you skulk away
Only to press the reset button
And start setting the table
For the next day.

But I'll never think any of these things
Because loving you
Is looking as deep as you can
And finding...

Loving you
Is like loving a black hole.
I'm done writing about what doesn't matter.

Enjoy the truth
Irina BBota Nov 2018
I am an Ego
whose heart is revolting,
who with the poetry is flirting,
who knew in this life the pain,
but never lost the power of her brain.

I am an Ego
like anyone else who has complexes,
who dreams at perfect morning's reflexes,
who breaths deeply and tries to sing dearly,
but knows both sides of her life's story, clearly.

I am an Ego
who likes the good evenings in two,
who no longer wants rain, that's true,
who left on life's trip with a single backpack,
but has not allowed her soul to become insomniac.

I am an Ego
waiting on the platform for destiny's train,
who no longer wants illusions in vain,
who does not live listening to the rumours,
but wants, by poetry, to get rid of life's tumours.

I am an Ego
who thinks that still has a chance to complete,
who, after falling, is getting back on her feet,
who is the observer of the world's fuss and art,
but still hopes for the calm of her restless heart.
SassyJ Oct 8
On the ranges of the icy glacier
a reflection of what I become summits
mirrored glass of moments in time
centuries flown above all the skies
loveless but yet fully explorable
openness but yet activated in the clouds
unreachable but yet wearing a clown

At the peak of Fizt Roy questions as posed
a reflection of how time turns down
sometimes the closeness of a soul is elusive
a slippery shimmer on the mountain tops
loveless but yet wandering around
openness but yet sheltered in delusions
unreachable but yet in a crowded defence

The ice compacts and breaches a bond
again and again it looses the unknown touch
revolting with a known hidden treasure
loveless but yet in untold stories
openness but yet in un-winded resounds
unreachable but yet caring a little more
Written staring at the peak of Fitz Roy, Argentina
Ryan O'Leary Sep 2018
Marie Antoinette
said the French
were revolting
in 1788 when she
visited her family
in Vienna.
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