You not being able to trust me is comparable to life spent in prison. I comitted crimes before, pleading guilty to sleeping with another man before you even asked. I would not have shed my clothes for him had I known  you were coming back. I know now that fights do not always lead to a final goodbye.

His touch felt so strange. Boney hands glided across my skin. He didn't give me goosebumps. Instead, the tips of his fingers were bees.  I lost your trust in exchange for being stung a dozen times. You gave me a life sentence, when i am already imprisoned by my conscience.

Please consider a retrial

I awake to the smell of concrete and rusted metal. Before the holes I call eyes open, the dank air embraces me. Fills my lungs like water and holds me tight as a forgotten lover. The tomb is silent but for the steady drip of water. A silent cacophony standing in stark defiance to the quiet that surrounds it. A futile display. My eyes flicker but do not open. Dark suns encased in a greater blackness. They're bountiful rays oppressed by the night that will not relinquish its hold. But a crack is made, and the dull grey of life seeps through. I am greeted by an empty hallway, forlorn and devoid of consciousness. A puddle has gathered in its centre, an odd and misshapen thing. A rustic inkblot that Rorschach would have been happy to give employ. I wondered if I could reach it through the bars. Touch it, and vicariously immerse myself in its freedom.  In its possibility. Suddenly, the grate of iron on iron filled the halls. The shriek of metal and old hinges joined the chorus, until finally, only steps remained. Calm, solemn things whose leisure exerted authority upon the air. My mind urged me to rise, but my body lacked the will to comply. Dark eyes like hungry fires greeted the stranger, dressed in fine dapper if not damp wear. His eyes were as winter, blue orbs of chipped ice. His lips formed a smile and in it betrayed their lack of sincerity. There was a violence to his gaze, an unsuppressed furry. His lips were moving, words were being spoken yet I could barely grasp a whisper. I forced myself to focus, to return from that inner retreat, and slowly, the noises of the world came back to me. His voice faded into being, a surprisingly pleasant baritone "... your arraignment is to be set a month from now, the retrial will commence shortly there after and you will be placed in a holding facility till the remainder of the trial is concluded. A noticeably finer arrangement then solitary. Any questions?"
A small part of me chuckled, the sound was hoarse, grim, more like the wheezing cough of a dying man than a laugh. He seemed to smile, a severity to the sincerity of the gesture. As if cruelty lay just beyond the border of his lips. They were moving again, morphing and contorting into different shapes. The noises they made were a blur though, fading like the sound of a car disappearing into the distance. Its slow engine purring out of existence.

~for those who can’t sleep, and know why~

you say “how much is too far?” and I think yes, more scars,
a man surveys a lifetime of errors and cowardice,
my soles, scarred from nite-walking new york city sidewalks,
days of haven’t slept in years, weakness is my prejudice,
tally sums-ups as no forgiveness, the pavement paying is a
continuum of  paying on, there is no atonement for wasted life,
the concrete cracks wedded to my body, stepped on each one

marvel at the disastrous disappointment that I’ve engineered,
how creative in disguising a life of accumulated self bruising,
applaud my season’s greeting card, 2020, me meeting me,
in a laptop I am contained, global boundaries thus defined,
crumpled coffee cups, emptied wine glass, zoom loops of repetition,
still I wonder why, every day, how, so many missteps, wondering
not at the lackluster will that carried me;  every minute sorrowful

so much hidden begs for revelation, murdered souls, theft, jealousy,
but the punishment is brutal; a conscientious conscience continually
punishes my blackened hours and there is no retrieval, retrial,
just a grounded plot with neither headstone and grass,
for I’m marked by no marker, and the wounds inflicted are my
afflicted leavings, my bones+soul confined, and the hallelujah
word excised from my vocabulary, forbidden me, justifiably so





————————————-

Mr. Tambourine Man
Song by Bob Dylan

“Though I know that evening's empire has returned into sand
Vanished from my hand
Left me blindly here to stand, but still not sleeping
My weariness amazes me,
I'm branded on my feet
I have no one to meet
And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming...

And take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind
Down the foggy ruins of time
Far past the frozen leaves
The haunted frightened trees
Out to the windy beach
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky
With one hand waving free
Silhouetted by the sea
Circled by the circus sands
With all memory and fate
Driven deep beneath the waves
Let me forget about today until tomorrow”

I have a poster of fame
Posted on every building and street corner in America
I am an outlaw on the lamb
as I am running from the "Law of The Land."
A "dangerous flame."

I am not of criminal nature.
I seem to have let down those who have arrested me
Investments that couldn't be made due to accidents and Ill Receptive Moments
I broke from a dark cell to seek a land which will accept
outlaws such as me.

Such events Transformed friends into Law Seekers
Running after a "rogue comrade"
To be liquidated from the inventory
the names of entities
Scratched off the List of people  
who are titled the  "Accepted Glory."

Friends lost the notions of "balance"
as certain rewards were notable to be  banked
to be received
as amounts of funds
As the situation grew dim with tragedy

To the court of "The Worms Wall"
He was sentenced to exile
Without a chance of debating the Liability
No Balance
Without his own counsel
This fugitive never stood his chance.

Wishing to have someone to become his friend
He was drawn into the darkness from understanding's light
As the empty chair in the court room
They were not there
I sat in the Witness Box
Shivering in the coldness of the Verdict's Plight

To where I am supposed to go while now on the run
I need a retrial
To prove my name of the  truth
As such titles should   be replaced on the list
Until such
My tour shall be advertised on Wanted Posters all over
Friendship city
Until I can prove my true blue loyalty
I have no dignity
I am now the lost one.

Bing Bada Boom,
Legion of Doom.
Hear the World Engine
go 'Vroom Vroom.'

Adam and Eve,
Bride and Groom.
Heavenly Couple
sent down to Earth.

Their wicked *** children
and their twisted *** greed,
wrecked the Earthly Garden
and paid their warnings no heed.

When the day is done
and the fun is over,
the playground is empty and
the children must go home.

Moms and Pops,
They ain't gonna hold back.
We finna get an *** whoopin'.
Its been a long time coming.

All of humanity, get yo *** in line;
CEOs first, emplyees last.
You do the crime,
you do the time.

Dem are de rules
and you brokened them all.
You've run out of time
and there's no way to stall.

Did you forget?
We gotta go back.
The same One who sent us here
will call us all back.

Get your affairs in order
before the conductor comes a-collecting.
Your ticket was punched
the moment you drew your first breath.

Check your itinerary -
duration and detours,
none of them matter.

This trip is one way,
there is no going back.

The destination is final
so be not in denial.

Prepare your defense
and argue your case,

for the Judgement is final
and there shall be no retrial.

WIKI: Andrea Pia Kennedy Yates (born July 2, 1964) is a former resident of Houston, Texas, who confessed to drowning her five children in their bathtub on June 20, 2001.[1] She had been suffering for some time with very severe postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis. She was represented by Houston criminal defense attorney George Parnham. Chuck Rosenthal, the district attorney in Harris County, asked for the death penalty in her 2002 trial. Her case placed the M'Naghten Rules, along with the Irresistible Impulse Test, a legal test for sanity, under close public scrutiny in the United States. She was convicted of capital ******. After the guilty verdict, but before sentencing, the State abandoned its request for the death penalty in light of false testimony by one of its expert psychiatric witnesses. She was sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole after 40 years. The verdict was overturned on appeal.[2]

On July 26, 2006, the Texas jury in her retrial found that Yates was not guilty by reason of insanity. She was consequently committed by the court to the North Texas State Hospital, Vernon Campus,[3] a high-security mental health facility in Vernon, where she received medical treatment and was a roommate of Dena Schlosser, another woman who committed infanticide by killing her infant daughter. In January 2007, she was moved to a low security state mental hospital in Kerrville,[4] Kerrville State Hospital.[5]