"restoril" poems
by Kim Addonizio
I have been one acquainted with the spatula,
the slotted, scuffed, Teflon-coated spatula
that lifts a solitary hamburger from pan to plate,
acquainted with the ******** known as the Pocket Rocket
and the ***** that goes by Tex,
and I have gone out, a drunken *****
in order to ruin
what love I was given,
and also I have measured out
my life in little pills—Zoloft,
Restoril, Celexa,
Xanax.
I have. For I am a poet. And it is my job, my duty
to know wherein lies the beauty
of this degraded body,
or maybe
it's the degradation in the beautiful body,
the ugly me
groping back to my desk to ****
on perfection, to lay my kiss
of mortal confusion
upon the mouth of infinite wisdom.
My kiss says razors and pain, my kiss says
America is charged with the madness
of God. Sundays, too,
the soldiers get up early, and put on their fatigues in the blue-
black day. Black milk. Black gold. Texas tea.
Into the valley of Halliburton rides the infantry—
Why does one month have to be the cruelest,
can't they all be equally cruel? I have seen the best
gamers of your generation, joysticking their M1 tanks through
the sewage-filled streets. Whose
world this is I think I know.
Sep 2, 2015
Sep 2, 2015 at 2:58 PM UTC
100 milligrams of flexeril
to relax my beating heart
until the muscle stops
flexing
beating
pumping.
100 milligrams of restoril
and maybe
finally
i can sleep.
maybe
i can finally sleep.
waking up has become such a chore
such an unpleasant experience
and if this doesn't stop it,
nothing will.
flexeril and restoril
and 45 milligrams
of methadone
because all i could score
was four and a half pills.
30 milligrams of phenagren
just to make sure
i can keep it all down.
i heard you could use
dramamine
but hey,
who wants to risk it?
i've taken my last chance.
15 milligrams of xanax
and if i can make it
for another hour or so
i won't even remember
what i've done.
this will end with a clean slate,
me on the floor
*******
saying mother,
mother,
what the **** did i do?
if i can speak at all.
290 milligrams
to prove
this is not
a cry for help.
Apr 30, 2012
Apr 30, 2012 at 1:30 PM UTC