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Jon Tobias Nov 2013
I found this love
like playing tetris

Anxiety at the falling of pieces
too fast

There are still holes in there

And I stand like a brick wall now
full of peep-holes
and glory holes
all places to let the cold in

And maybe I held you like a blanket

And maybe we played each other like Jenga
pulling out bricks
to restack somewhere else

A smaller structure
But stronger than we are
First time I have touched a computer with internet access in months. Writing this freestyle from a library somewhere in San Diego. Much love HP.
Sometimes I wish these tears,
Were held in my head
that they were packaged and labeled
Citing date, cause, and emotion.
I'd scribble box upon box with something like:

Date: December 25th 2005
Cause: First Christmas Without Dad
Emotion: Misty Eyed Sadness.
Or
Date: June 8 2002
Cause: Recognition. Of a Job well done.
Emotion: Humbled Elation

Sure the boxes would stack up.
Reaching heights unfathomable.
And so I'd sort.
Keeping each emotion in their own piles.
Neatly selecting which ones to put in the front stacks
And which ones to keep hidden from view,
So as not to accidentally expose my problems,
Or remind myself of things I wish to forget.
Instead I'd neatly stack them out of sight.
Perhaps the stacks will fall one day.
Cluttering my head.
It's possible
Some may even be forced open.
Forcing me to repack and
Restack.
ScarletLetters Apr 2015
Part I: My Temple

The house has been burgled,
The furniture rearranged,
The bookcase is burning,
The contents in flames.

The ground is not stable,
The stairs are not steady,
It’s time to go they said,
But I am not ready.

It is safe inside,
Warm and detached,
The fire is raging,
But I can’t move I’m attached.

They took what was mine,
They stole who I was,
We tried to find reasons,
But just because…

The weight of my world
Rises up with the smoke,
The rooms hold the lies,
That secrets provoke.

It’s fading away,
Consumed by the flame,
It’s lost itself
But who can I blame?

The house is eaten,
The fire licks it clean,
I tell myself I will wake up,
That this is just a bad dream.

I didn’t think they’d notice,
My house burning down,
But little did I know,
It was the talk of the town.

I stand at the door,
All that’s left is the frame,
The inside is wreckage,
The exterior is the same.

Its heart is slowing down,
Brittle bones are breaking
Skeletal and fractured
It falls apart, shaking.

Part II: The Wilderness

Out here
On the road,
I’m completely
Lost
Signs telling me where to go,
But I trust myself most
The alarm rings of disillusionment and denial
That wakes up my neighbours,
Yet I don’t notice.

I turn down pleasure pathways,
Each one connected to another,
They stimulate desire.
The road backwards is blocked,
I concentrate on what's ahead
My only way is forwards,
So I can begin to run.

Part III: Rebirth

My house is being rebuilt and ever so slowly the bricks are stacked,
The windows are replaced and the cement is set.

But some damage is permanent.
There’s cracks,
And there’s scars.
Electricity rewired
Forcing life where there is none,
Repairing the circuit,
Pumping blood through the veins,
So I can live in the house again
Temporarily affecting the artificial happiness.

The flower grow and makeup the trees
I paint on the outside a sunshine yellow,
I open the curtains to enjoy the view
I restack the shelves with new books
With fresh bindings and different stories.

Yet it can’t help but remind me of the past,
All that has been and has gone,
At last it is almost done.

Part IV: Divine Intervention

A year has circled,
Memories in every alley and lane,
I’m back to the days when it all began,
My past normal is my present insane.

I ran further than I realised,
I wanted to leave my town,
I buried myself in sadness
Further and further down.

Many don’t want to visit,
They’re afraid of all that has been,
Afraid that my house is unstable,
They can’t see what I’ve seen.

But I came back to look clearly,
To live out my days in my home,
My family visit me,
I am back from being alone.

It all feels more homely,
The garden colourfully thrives,
I have redecorated it completely,
Only goodness survives.

My temple could be inherited,
Maybe by a child or two,
But I won’t let them fall,
I know exactly what to do.

So the decay of the house will always be with me,
Despite ashes swept away,
But now that I am back again,
I am here always to stay.
Seth Hollis Mar 2021
Clear this clutter
every aspect
living and breathing
every affect
of the actions I make
so far past perfect
can I even go back?
So much to disinfect
present and past
time flying fast
have I lost track?
too much to unpack
and now I'm sitting here
to think alone
in the pitch black
and like a vow
tomorrow comes
for it all to restack.
I didn't understand back then
When
I was young kid on the block
Looking at the homies pushing rock
With the game on lock
But the cops always had to knock
Down the doors looking for drugs in store
Paused my Nintendo peeped out the window sirens soundin'
Souls was astoundin'
Didn't know what was going on
I kept hearing that sad song
Slavery still here G
Still under white supremacy
But it made a man out of me
by the time I hit adolescene
I seen the presence
Of the Most High telling me why
We all in a fry so many of us die
Cuz see the buzzards circlin the sky
Unwillingly and knowingly
That we was destined to be
Kings and Queens but it's all a dream
Like Martin King can't find a team
Cuz everybody out for self
**** man we need to break this ***** plan and lay out a master plan
But on the other hands
I wanted get money stretch it like rubberbands
But some of us might as well be in the ****
Drugs enforced and endorsed
On the streets as well as the music so don't abuse it or loose it
I know we all brothers sisters of different colors from.mothers no others
Got heart like I dangerous once I learned to catch vibration with my third eye
Controlled my soul on a stroll
To a good day good riddance to those who ain't in repentance
We paying for the wages of sin
But the curse slowly breaking away Feelin like Malcolm sittin by the window with an AK
47 how many suckas wanna go to heaven
And i wanna break leven
With my peeps though but it seems they all want to go to war
I tried to raise their conscious sick of the nonsense
Media and the press loved to keep us suppressed
Art of War strategy being played on us
But I loaded my mentality with wisdom and begin to bust
Shots at the stations
They treat it like a crime
whats wrong for unitin' with the black nation?
I'm tryna to get to Mt. Zion I ain't lyin'
Why they always tryna tie in
A brother into gang violence
Or drug case wheres our resistance  
Break the lien my past peers paid our dues
Just check the slavery views
Every few years they wanna see tears
Instill fear to keep us down here
In this concrete jungle hard to be humble
When everybody mean muggin'
Life jugglin' and strugglin'
To get over obstacles
Me a blackman  still alive it's a miracle
Almost satricial
Its comedy at it's best enemies up to put a test
On you black man black woman
Wake up cuz they want us acting up
Lets restack up get our weight up
Build blackwallstreet the way it was supposed to be
Along with the
Indians to Mexicans we came from the same boat different landing put down that cannon cuz them spirits channelin' standin'
Tough against the rain hitting my window pane
As thoughts began to ponder my brain
Its insane no more **** crack or *******
We got the power to make the change
And don't act strange
When I see you Just smile cuz I know you in the wild
No hoochies to pop coochies
Just Queens makin' love like Lucy and Ricky Ricardo I go all out for more
Even the score naw we takin soar
Like hawks in the night
No fright ready to fight when we show on site
White house white house ain't nothing but a plantation house
Playin a game of cat n mouse
We rising check the new apes movie
They subliminally showed us we been had the funk feelin' groovy
Stick with me n I'll stick with you
We gotta communicate better
When it's stormy weather endeavor
Wisdom is much more than silver and gold but ya rather take a toll
Down the valley of death row
And i know it's hard but don't worry I hear ya
Cuz we about the same problems so I feel ya yeah
Yo, I be the witty one next to Pun not Big but his lyrical son reference as the chosen one flash out a gun bullet flow to ya temples
Exposin' ya mental plain and simple I appear like teenage pimples fools slackin' they need bars for rental I cause issues soaked the game with spiritual migraines suckas grow derange can't hang with my terrains
Needle threads cells shatter everything I'm Neo attack like a Leo that's a lion in layman terms burn souls like a perm
Straighten you out like ya flatten still tattin' and taxin'
Suckas who wanna battle on the mic? Kiss ya mom's goodnight I curse worse than hexed rites biggie flashback makin' rappers run back retract and restack cuz they flows lack
The skills cross out the bills entice fine hoes with open toes that's the way fame goes! Stick to what ya know
Lot of ****** wanna go to heaven but scared to die I see the fear in your eyes no saprise you'll have to face my enterprise hidden demons on a verge of rise this ain't a compromise take a puff of thai to dilate my eyes see the sun cries and moon dies once I start ******' between mother nature's thighs
Nine months later a new sun rise
But I be the father Saturn makin' a pattern rhymes ***** as a slattern soon to burn ya ashes into an urn and return
You back to Hell where other lost souls fail to my hellish grail ...boomerang
Walking alone in the mist of deceit,
Heavy breathing billowing down to my feet,
The one I trust is someone I cannot keep,
Willfully complaisant in the role of a sheep,
Giving everything on this battlefield too steep,
I'm enamored to be courting, but now I weep.

Arms stretched, mind benched, legs drenched, body wrenched, my portrait of a family, a pursuit of forbidden fruit.

Her lies in thickness I can't recognize,
My cries to rid this sickness compartmentalize,

I've accomplished the impossible knightly,
She destroyed the possibility frightningly,
The children shielded of being scorn admirably,
Family perturbed and overwrought widely,
Friends preserve and safeguard concisely,
Triangulations throng her presence authoritatively,
The grimness overtaking the air forever nightly.

One domino regressed to the fallen,
bringing the collapse upon all of them,

Irony of the first domino on top,
The rest are outlined in chalk,
Holding them all up I fought,
But the pain never stopped,
I fall over plopped,
I can't walk.

Never able to achieve the masterpiece,
My soul in fleece is slowly released,
The devil has poached me from the crease,
I'll never be able to restack any piece.

— The End —