I don't want to
Throw up or Cry
& Overthink everything
At the same time

But I'm drunk
And it seems to be all
Which comes to mind

I really shouldn't drink so much
But who is to tell me
What to do
When all I need is rent
& food is a secondary expense

This adulting thing doesn't bode well
Too many bills
Too many responsiblities
Too many expectations

With blood comes too many questions
And isn't it easier to
Tell a story than
Actually speak the truth

check the rooms, lock the door
check it all over, then do it once more
the sun is my comfort, she'd visit in the day
but at dusk she'd always leave me
so in the dark i'd wait.

i didn't sleep till sunrise
when i felt the bright warm rays
and glimpses of dark shadows were at ease
so nights were for thinking
and days were for dreaming
no time to think about responsiblities

my anxious thoughts teased me
pills much less pleased me
but Lexa healed me
of insecurity

my smiles were still silent
amber eyes were vibrant
but still they were glazed with fatigue

silent tears flowed down my cheeks.

i did not speak
unless spoken to
i'd only laugh to go along with you
but the air flowing from my lungs held no tone
it was melancholy & weak
insides clenching my screams
i just wish that somehow you'd have known.

What is love ?

Love have many meanings.
Love God, family, friends and her/his.

Love God with completed sholah ,
you will get her bless,
for the rest of your life.

Love family with responsiblities,
you will get their bless,
and you will succes in your carier.

Love friends with helping them,
because one day,
if we were in emergency,
they have beside.

lastly,

Love her/his with trust,
you will never dissapointed,
and regret.

You know Im growing up
With this increasing adulthood
I know my responsiblities

The technician says
And he's right
My hands and mind
start on the same road
but my mind wonders to field beside my vessel
and my hands follow soon
leaving my responsiblities
unfinished.
"It's who I am" I respond
The fields are beautiful
They give me instant happiness
Until the dirt road East
Calls my name too
"It is you
but what you don't realize is sooner or later
you're going to be lost
you're going to be on empty
you're going to crash."
I didn't hear him.
Guilt brought my attention back to the road
Stealing all beauty
Of what distracted me.
"You just need correction."
But
I don't want that.