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Carter Ginter Jan 2015
When you said we were done
I initially was angry because
I wanted to hate you so badly
But I only loved you.

A few days later,
I realize that, though I do love you
more than anything,
A part of me also resents you.
And maybe my anger was not,
In fact, because I couldn't hate you,
But because I knew a part of me does
And all I want to do is love you.

The last time you asked if I hated you for ending it;
I couldn't, because I understood.
But this time, you didn't ask
You didn't care
And I'm not sorry that I wasn't good enough,
Because you're the one who couldn't
Handle the distance.
Let your cravings and desires
Override a love
To where you couldn't feel it anymore.

I wish I could understand,
But I can't.
And I resent you for hurting me this way.
At least before I knew you still loved me,
Now I couldn't even tell you liked me.

Enjoy your freedom and experience
While I'm trapped as a prisoner
To my own mind.
The dreams of you continue and
Waking up hurts more than I can explain.
But I love you.
And, unfortunately, that will never change.
Sea's End Nov 2018
Now
If there's anything that I like about myself
Right now,
It's that I resent myself
Enough to want to change.
A teenager that doesn't like themselves? Whaaaaaaaaaat?
Lotta stuff going on. Bad stuff.
Deadwood Jawn May 18
BECAUSE OF PSYCHOPATHOLOGY

IT FOLLOWED ME AGAIN

ASSAILED ME WITH A BRUTAL FORCE

EMERALD-GREEN BLADES OF WIND

SHALL ANNIHILATE ME

WITH THE AURA OF DEPRESSION

AND THE DREADED ANXIETY.

I AM INSIDE THE RED SEA AND CANNOT PART IT

I BECAME RAVAGED BY THE EARTH'S TEARS.

...

Do you hear them..?

The sounds.
The noise.
The voices.
The dark ones.

I had a good run.
I did what I -mostly- wanted.

I counselled my friends.
I left a mark on the internet.
I discussed amazing ideas.
I atoned for my mistakes.

It shall be better for me:

As I succumb to the void, by the closing of my eyes...

By morning, the end brushes me away like ashes in the wind.

Will they not come again..?

I didn't.
I didn't.
I didn't.
I didn't.
I didn't.
I didn't.
I didn't.
I didn't.
I didn't.
I didn't.
I didn't.
I didn't.
I didn't.
In the midst of high anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation.
Deadwood Jawn Jul 10
Fantastic.

A gracious
       display of excellence.

And a nonchalant
      display of callousness.

All will come to ruin.

And you shall gaze upon
       The true agony of consequences.

They're all watching...

                                         I
                                          can
                                feel
it!
One of my ex-close-friends graduated today.
Jordan Rowan Jan 2016
I'm a lying, cheating loser
With a gun pointed at my head
I still remember everything you said
Maybe I'll be worth more to you when I'm dead

There's a summer sunset I haven't seen
And it's haunting my dreams
The daylight breathes and blows away
The scent of you and everything you'll say

I can still hear the words
But I'm still unsure
If you really meant them
And why I resent them

Daylight, dead of night, any time
The thoughts don't stop in my mind
I think and talk about it too much
Everyone around me has heard enough
Andrew Rueter Oct 2017
You act callously crude
Like Cronenberg's brood
You keep the body horror
In the naughty drawer
I feel my body's poorer
So you convince me I'm rich
Then treat me like an itch
And scratch
To detach

You invited me to your chateau
Then left me on this plateau
For my beating heart exploded from my chest
Once I foolishly entered your nasty nest
There I lay
As immobile prey
My body was infected
By your touch
And my mind dissected
Way too much

You passionately present me with body horror
I really resent you for being a shoddy sawyer
Cutting me down but not completely
Your lackluster love travels obliquely
Dislocating my horrified heart
My rib cage begins to part
As my mangled love
Escapes with my blood
My fingers are breaking
Trying to carry the relationship
Happiness I'm faking
When you crack your elation whip

When I'm powerless to the *****
I become showerless in a hurry
And my skin starts to rot
While I lie on your cold cot
You're my unforgiving cop
And the horrors never stop
The Rogue Poet Nov 2013
The pain of a broken heart,
As you left me to rub salt in the wound,
I watched your back as you left cold-heartedly,
Sitting in my room alone I weep,
From the exhaustion I cry myself to sleep...
The nightmares of you with another,
Just wanting you to come over,
Just tell me that it's not over,
As I wait day after day,
But no reply, just the awful cold shoulder...
Im starting to hate you, resent you, but still have Love for you...
My emotions scattered as moving on alone is not easy,
The healing of a broken heart is not easy,
To find another without thinking about you? Not that simple...
I am at a dead end. What am I to do? The last few years I've been with you.
I don't know how to move on, I don't know where to start.
At this point I feel empty and I feel like dying to end it all!
I wish this pain onto no one. I ask, "why me?"
Will I ever move on?...



{RP}
Another Jul 2018
Today or should I say what was left of yesterday, the most important time during the day when the moon is in a modestly transient display, I would consider taking my life. It is early evening, I couldn’t hold onto what I thought I could live for, giving into intolerance too easily, was like life for me was cracking in two and I was unable to cause cohesion for the diverging halves. only the effect remains unhinged and hidden inside me, without notice I go on missing from society. I’ve greatly deteriorated over the past few months which felt to me like decades in a room resembling winter. I often open the window only to my dismay that the air out is uncomfortably thick and moist, enough to suffocate my concentration for concern to what lies around instead I retract into this niche I resent completely spectating this limited view found underneath monochromatic inverted shades, for something that might not be much greater than I had wished it to be, I let these ideals of mine run wild in an attempt to let them be real momentarily, to burn out eventually unseen. Nothing should be able to live in such a way, I’m as stagnant as the trees that lie ahead near the streets. They witness every passerby freely sauntering trails laid out for the day, perhaps they, these beings, take it for granted not giving much attention to anything else besides the very goal that keeps them afloat and moving toward for execution to whatever it is they have their minds eye simply on. I’ve known all too well that it is pointless to do the same, I can’t squander what I have right in front of me over a simple goal, although I might not live in life’s given moments pleading for the very attention I sometimes don’t give in to, nothing ever goes unnoticed, these impressions are all that I could ever ask for, the smallest of gifts for me to cherish. Anyways I was only wandering my sight around outside looking for a movement I could possibly run to for help, giving my ears away for barber’s melody to play out loud. Nothing more showed up, only a bitter heat wave, the trees left unshaken from vacant winds. Washing over me was the penetrative structure I felt his sorrowful life flash ahead of me wondering how misunderstood he must’ve felt in such a time where everything was unrightfully wasted from a society that never knew how normalized repression began to feel, so they went about it by going along with the feel other than freely being expressive about internal conflicting issues. Maybe to one or none at all. He deserved better as did all the others. Maybe I’m wrong and only being reflective of myself. For what reason I don’t know. I was telling myself on the car ride somewhere else that I won’t disclose, for it doesn’t matter. I imagined everything I was to do, or should I say that I was accepting of what was to come next reciting in my head that all the dreaming and envisioning I had done up to this point was my life possibly lived, the love I couldn’t help to resist myself from attaining, the opportunity to save the world from collision from and through a great work that could possibly impregnate every sensible mind with a broad spectrum of what an extra day of the week might feel like, more time to spend freely from life’s never ending demand of what is to be expected by and from each and every one of you. I daydreamed of everything I missed during my lifetime so far, I should’ve traveled but didn’t, I’m not filled with fear but that of insecurity always wins the day. I slipped on by to memories that never had the chance to be made, only the threading lies there on a timeless lot gravitating toward evaporation. I left no more hope for myself because I’ve chosen to give it to the others who could actually implement change, those of whom I know I can entrust the life that I wasn’t living to. I made a choice, to disperse this existing body from and to a place where time is stilted upon my departure outside the fields wherever that may be, music guiding me out of the overriding blur beyond the wilt— my memory subsided inside this symphony somewhere that is made up of very early mornings and the light that follows afterward, kindly implying, that maybe, they never existed. I’m without anymore words, Thank you
I’ve decided to lay this one out exactly how I intended it to look; in its most free format, untouched from editing. maybe to expose the half crumbled city that lies in the way.  

I have this thing to get carried away into needless thoughts. 4 am is the time when self-reflecting occurs.

It goes deeper than all this, this is but a simple opening to more uncovered doors.

0202, is when I will be leaving
Andrew Rueter Dec 2017
You made a visit
For a tidbit
That couldn't be called a date
And your portion was low rate
Like the unkempt hair above your lip
What the **** was that ****?
Inside is your invasive tongue's home
This is my mouth get your own
They're all connected to your stupid brain
That doesn't entertain
All this to say it didn't go well
And I'm searching for a way to tell

I'm so desperate for love
It seems absurd that I'm rejecting anyone
But that's the odd situation I find myself in
While searching for light and yours is dim
I have to deal with the frustrations
Of both of our expectations
And regret my instigation
While experiencing deflation
From a needless iteration

I say there's no spark
You call me a shark
You call me a farce
You keep calling of course
Calling from your high horse
I call the police to enforce
A restraining order
By explaining sort of
Our brief exhausted history
How you weren't a fit for me
They heard my story
Then gave you glory
For being rejected
You're viewed sympathetic
While I'm stuck in jail
For my ******* fail

I said I'd give it a shot
You thought I was caught
This is why I had fought
The ideas you brought
For a love you sought
I hope a lesson was taught
But I suspect that it's not
You just hate me instead
You didn't hate me in bed
But now that it's done
And we've had our fun
You resent me for not being your possession
I tried to let you know that wasn't my intention
So now I resent you for not learning your lesson

We go our separate ways
Both living in a hectic craze
I begin to naively call my loneliness freedom
After I convince myself that I don't need them
So to avoid a future locking latch
I start to say no strings attached
igc May 2015
There's nothing I resent more
than my unreasonably cold heart.

A Paradox

Able to languidly thaw those around
while selfishly maintaining
it's frozen exterior.
The meaning of true is false
blinded by brainwash and ignorance
reminds me of the ways you made me repulse
masked by a thing of brilliance
I hope you see what you need
It's me
I see it in the way you can deceive
God, your naive
I don't mean to rhyme
but I thought it was time
to put you in a place I've been for years
Lonely, disgusted back to the tears
You were divine
Made me be blind  
best friend, not
who would have thought
That I would be writing this thinking of you
But no none of this is new
should've seen this new present
hot flash, think back, and make me resent
But now we're though
Don't you see the meaning of false is always true
I wrote this about someone who i thought defined forever
You chose the Stage, a Water's Board extend
Which by it's Nature was meant for Sight's View
Yet this Binary Journal I resent
Your Box-Turtled yet Begraced Attitude
Of Purpose made, decide to Advertise
Should keep your Values so firm and intact
Easily submit, to Pressured Teen's size
And forsook Important Treasures extract
If you cannot keep the Job, then resign
Rather than waste Good and Honest Support
With Hooks on the way, hanging Love's design
Wrinkle her Face to your White-Washed Rapport.
I care not your ears waxed; Still this Scroll writes
To Care and Consider; Though this Praise bites.
#tomdaleytv #tomdaley1994
Nina Kay Sep 2018
I miss you like a limb sometimes
but then remember that it isn't you I miss.
I miss the girl you fell in love with
And resent this woman you have left.
blushing prince Jul 2015
Lately, all the darlings have started tasting the same and all the books keep preaching about the catharsis of going forward and I'll not be condemned to be Lot's wife's' tragedy but ******* this is growing up and everything is shrinking like the bible my mother threw in the washing machine by accident. All the wild has gone to my fingertips and there is no longer an energy to board trains to god-knows where because I know better now.
I don't longer miss you and I call my father daily now and I have a fond appreciation for dead things. Sometimes I think of all the times I prayed and all the times I sinned with you in mind and I know this is the guilt of poets. We are the victim and the instigator, we play our cards right and you resent us for it. And I write to you because it's easy to say things to people you hate. Like kissing someone and not tasting their blood but someone else's and enjoying it. Revenge in, not one, but all the ways you know how.
I often dance naked to Claire de Lune, do you know why? There's an elegance to being primordial and vulnerable. There's grace in things we find obscene. I cannot dance, mind you but I dance thinking you're watching. Much like shaking the hand of  a married man and lingering with his wife within earshot, there's a thrill knowing you'll be caught.
Thus, I write my inhibitions and fears in poetry hoping you'll someday read them with absolute stoicism. I dare you to show a little emotion. I dare you.
Breanna Smith May 2012
How could a father hurt his daughter while telling her she means more to him than the world? How can a baby be neglected by his mother?! How can a lover cheat with another!

At times like these it would be better to let the world stop turning, to breathe the last breath, to say the last word, to make the pain stop forever...?

A heart that hurts with every breath, a baby that stops its cries because mama isn’t coming, a love that dwindles, snuffed out, and dies.

At times like these wouldn’t it be better to end it all? If the world stop turning, if pain stopped hurting?!

A little girl grows up to resent her farther, a baby boy grows apart from a world he feels he isn’t a part of, a family is torn apart.

At times like these wouldn’t it be easier for the world to stop turning, easier to breath the last breath, to say the last word, wouldn’t it be easier for it all to be over?!

A women who is strong for herself and others, a family grows closer, stronger than ever before, a boy who knows the harsh truth about this world he lives in.

So it is asked again would pain stop hurting if the world stopped turning?
Love From Afar
Under same stars
Fall in love they might
Their families resent with fight
Conflict in distant land
Where they stand
A rich woman
Poor man
Dreams tied to hearts
Led them to part
A modest church
In historic square
Where they eloped
To become forever paired
Homes take to fertile hillside
Built with heritage pride
They start a new name
A family they became
Over large pond
A new world bond
Where life begins
A story of grins
Pasta tins
And century old hairpins
Upon new ground
In a northern town
House they found
Happy voices inside
Fill the silenced sound
Life no longer at stake
When the warm bread begins to bake
Piping hot saucepot
Decendents never forgot
Even now
As is
Forever a parking lot.
Copyright © Marigold's Fever 2019
Thank you Grandparents
Carter Ginter May 2018
If I were honest with you always
You really wouldn't like me
I say that I support your independence
But I often don't share how much it hurts me
I feel as though I limit myself
In order to uphold your happiness

I said I didn't want you to resent me
For being the reason you're stuck in this town
But I'm also worried I'll resent you
For the regular hurt I feel with our relationship
It's not even your fault
I'm just not made for this love
What you want and what I need
Do not align enough for mutual happiness

I feel like I'm angry at you a lot
And you say you're mad too
When we're together I'm uncomfortable
I don't even know why
I just feel this genuine discomfort
When we sit together in silence
I don't want to be fake
But you want things to be great
I am not ok
And that needs to be ok

We say we want to see each other more
Yet when the day comes
You change your mind
And I'm left alone with myself again
Because I made the choice to not make plans
Because I knew we were supposed to hang out
But things don't always work out
And that's all good and fine
But it doesn't feel that way to me
I'm just sad
And I don't know what to do with it
Nassif Younes Mar 2016
Good listeners are selfish.
Probably
The most selfish people
You will ever meet.
All they do
Is sit back,
Absorbing everyone’s stories,
Experiences and insights
Whilst, in exchange
Giving back none of their own.
It is only sensible to assume they do this
Because they have none of their own.

They are leeches.
Parasites.
And
You can never resent them.
All you can do is look up to them
Or worse,
Become a pale imitation of them
For fear of one of them stealing your girlfriend
Whom you can bet is with one right now
Filling in the voids of his silence
With all her ideals.

They are the bloated sponges of our admiration
And they have become so
Without lifting a finger.

A truly humble person
Talks about themselves all the time.
They dish out perspective
As freely
And as inexhaustible
As a drinking fountain.
Even if what they say is inane, bland or offensive
They have still given you
A reason to feel better about yourself
And something
To ***** about
When they are gone.

I ask you now to please spare a thought
For the narcissistic *******.
He has lifted a countless number of awkward souls
From the depths of an awkward silence,
He has saved you from any obligation
To be intelligent or interesting
And he has turned the art
Of wooing the woman you love
Into the simple act
Of never speaking.

So,
Once again
Spare a thought for the narcissistic *******.
He gives you everything
And in return
Gets nothing.
Jack L Martin Aug 2018
I like to laugh and smile
like any other kid
but you decided that

I was undeserving

of being liked
of being loved
of being myself

I wasn't cool
I wasn't trendy
I wasn't sporty

I was just being myself

I am quirky
I am intellegent
I am creative

You Don't care!

You are relentless
You are misguided
You are ruthless

Who hurt you so bad?

You have friends
You have fashion
You have popularity

Is that not enough?

I am now untrusting
I am now anxious
I am now depressed

It still hurts till this day!

I have grown to resent you!
I have grown to hate you!
Why aren't you dead yet?

I'm sure the feeling is mutual

You hurt me
because
Someone hurt you

When does this vicious cycle end?
I was bullied relentlessly throughout my entire school years.  It was torture!  I deal with it the best I can to this day.  I survived!  Please love your neighbor, but more importantly, love yourself!
Yenson Aug 2018
Why hold me responsible for the bad choices you made
Why make me a scapegoat for all your mistakes
Why vent your spleen on me
Why blame me for your inadequacies and insecurities
Why project your arrogance and ignorance on me
Then deviously politicize your shortcomings

" There but for the Grace of God goes I"

I walked each day to school with sandals held together with rubber bands
I received six of the best for un-submitted assignments or getting answers wrong, or misbehaving or not having required tools
I stayed up nights after nights studying for most-pass exams
I forego parties and relaxing outings to stay behind and study
I left home at 17 to another Country without my parents to continue

I saw my 18 year age mates owning cars, driving around having fun
I did not resent them or envied them, stole from them or burgled their houses.
I saw successful young men in their 20s and 30s running businesses
doing well, I did not resent or envy them or stole anything from them or burgled their houses.
Rather I thought, if I worked hard, get my degree, get a job, I too will
one day, be like them.

While studying I worked as a casual staff in Night Bakeries, in 24
Hours Car Parks
In Night Factories sorting rags for cleaning machinery.
I had college mates going to Disco and having fun, going to pubs
and having fun
I did not resent or envy them, I just thought soon, if all goes well
I'll be able to join them or do fun things too.

I put in the shrift and the graft, I made ****** sacrifices, I paid my
dues and earned my spurs
Then when I got my job, my car, a wife and success.

You and your indulgent, insolent, arrogant disaffected malcontents
with your strangulated anodyne corrupted version of Socialism
come along.
Justifying Theft and indulgent anti social behavior, screaming
Privilege, Silver spoon and Inequality and Greed.
Prattling " There but for the Grace of God goes I"
Because I told thieves and Scroungers what to do with themselves.
You talked of trading places and went on to destroyed every thing
I worked hard for and stood for.

Churchill quoted " "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill.

He was so right and you and your despicable gangs have proved it.
The Modern world is no longer falling for your crazy ideaology
and you and your deluded ideas will soon be forever in opposition

And my only consolation is, apart from still standing after all the unjust and horrendous things you've done to me and my wife

NOT ONE SINGLE ONE OF YOU CAN EVER BE THE MAN I AM

You know it and I know it and there lots out  there that knows it  too

SHAME, SHAME, SHAME ON YOU......
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