Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Rachel Gosby Nov 2016
Relationship
Relationship is about trust.
Relationship last longer because two people made a choice to keep it, fight for it and work for it.
Relationship is when you want to smile, you know exactly what to do to win their heart, you just close your eyes and think of them.
Relationship is powerful, when you work hard for it.
Relationship is when the two of you can't live without one another. Relationship is when the two of you will be able to talk about anything. Relationship is when you know what the other one is thinking about before you two say anything. Relationship is when you feel the love in your heart just gown belong words.
Relationship is when your completely eye popping, seriously, groundbreaking, passionately, deliciously in love with them. Relationship is when you can be Romantic and yet also completely filthy.
Relationship involves arguing, crying, love, hurt, joy, and most importantly some good *** ****. Relation, and most importantly some good *** ***.
Relationship is when someone accepts you and your past supports your present and encourages your futures.
Relationship is not based on the length of the time you spent together, but it's based on the foundation you built together. So when you found that one true love hold on to it and never let them go no matter what may come your way, hold on and love them with all your heart.
Patrick Austin Sep 2018
Our Backgrounds before we met...

I'm an only child born in Montana in 1983, from a divided home. Parents divorced at seven, Mom was unstable and unfaithful. Dad obtained custody of me and we moved to Oregon Coast to live with my Grandma. I had unhealthy visits and relationship with Mom thereafter. My Grandma died at 12 and at 13 my Dad remarried an alcoholic woman, I had a strained relationship with them until adulthood when she stopped drinking. I had exposure to trauma; alcoholism, mental illness, verbal abuse and juvenile troubles. I rebelled by using drugs in my late teens and early twenties, I lived on my own for a few years after high school but had little direction.

My bride is the eldest with two little brothers, parents stayed in same area of Portland during childhood with lots of family support and her parents stayed married. They had Christian values but some anger and anxiety issues at home. She was sexually assaulted at 17 and never had good closure with this. She told me her parents didn't provide her enough help with things like this growing up. Status quo was the backbone of the family dynamic, challenging emotions were discouraged. She rebelled by being reckless with herself, financially and sexually. She decided to join the Navy at 19. She lived alone briefly, but mostly with Grandparents & Parents before our marriage.

I loved how we both grew up reading Archie comics. No other girl I had ever met had that in common with me. I think we wanted a surreal life like the one in Riverdale.

2002

She and I were 19 when we first met in my home town on the coast at an arcade. We became friends and secretly liked each other. I was too nervous to ever make a move on her. We traveled together, she stayed with me, we used drugs together and drank at times. One night she drank too much and had *** with a guy I knew at a party. I was devastated by this. She was Navy bound and I didn't see a real future for us. The next morning she left and I didn't talk to her again for two years. I figured she would be gone with the Navy soon and that she must not have been interested in a relationship with me despite the time we spent together.

2003

I was depressed about this rejection. I dated an older woman who was interested in me but was no substitute. I eventually moved to the Portland area to work and live. I still had few plans and was lonely, in or out of the few brief relationships I attempted. I never found someone that I felt safe with or had a true connection, let alone true love. She ended up not following through with the Navy and continued working her way up in her job at the call center. She attended community college and dated a few guys. She dated one guy for a couple of years who was not a good match for her but stayed with him off and on despite issues. His family was wealthy and treated her well. He slept around on her as did she. At one point he gave her an STD. She also had an ongoing affair with a married man in the military that she went to high school with. He had a child and a wife with mental health issues. She was still hurting a lot at times and not always doing well.

2004

She reached out to me via email after two years of no contact. We emailed back and forth a couple times over the next few months. We talked about meeting up. We spoke on the phone and eventually met up in Portland. We had an amazing night getting to know each other again and work past the confusion of our earlier days of friendship. I realized that she did in fact like me before but since I was timid and trying to be proper and take things slowly she didn't understand my motives. She apologized for her actions at the party as well. She claimed she was in a really messed up place and was making bad choices at that time. Getting our feelings out in the open was good and she appreciated my attitude towards being slow to make moves on her when we first met. I was worried about falling for her based on our history but eventually I was determined to give it a shot. We soon after starting dating and being intimate. Our love was extremely powerful and beyond all others we had both experienced. She broke ties with other suitors and shortly after we talked about marriage and started planning a wedding for the next year.

I remember when we first held hands. We were so shakey and she was quivering on my couch as I had my arm around her. We felt so safe with each other. We could finally be ourselves and do what our hearts desired. We knew we were on to something new and so amazing. We were so patient with each other as we navigated our new love and emotional thresholds.

I remember when we saw Matisyahu in concert together. That was a once in a lifetime experience and a life-changing moment for us. I feel it set the tone for things to come in our future.

I remember how creative my proposal to her was, in the Arcade where we first met. I hid the ring in a prize container from one of those claw machines. Pretending I got the ring from inside by reaching into the machine on one knee I was so nervous and wasn't sure if I could pull it off before she caught on. She looked so shocked and surprised. I was so excited she said yes! We took pictures in the photo machine and had burgers afterwards, I'd do all of it all over again just to see her face in that moment.

2005

We found an apartment for us in Portland. I moved in while she was still living back with her parents until the wedding. She had to change her number because the married man she was previously involved with kept calling her about changing her mind about marriage and continuing their relationship. She was offered a job in Denver and we decided to move away together after our sandy wedding in Cannon Beach. I still had a very hard time and was embarrassed with my past history with her. Many of my friends knew what had happened at 19 and how much it hurt me but I was so crazy about her I think I tried to pretend it didn't happen or that it was not a big deal because we were younger. We got married and moved to Colorado soon after. We made friends at a church, I became more active as a Christian and really loved being married. We were very involved in keeping spirituality in our marriage. I began to notice her poor financial decisions and practices more. This caused conflict but we always tried to communicate and work on things.

I remember when we went down to my folks for New Year's in 2005. We sipped tea in my Datsun as we drove to the coast over the snowy mountain pass. We told them of our engagement. We were all so blissful and excited. We never knew what was to come. We didn't even know about the opportunity in Denver yet. Our story is amazing!

I remember when I wanted to go see her in Portland and the roads were iced over. I left my car at a park and ride before I caused a wreck. I took the light rail across town then rode a bus to the Eastside shopping mall. The bus to her house was not running because it wasn't safe so I walked the rest of the 4 Miles sometimes having to crawl on my hands and knees to make it up hills in the ice and then I finally made it only to just spend a couple hours with her and fall asleep on her parents couch. Her Dad drove us back the next morning to my car so I could get to work. It was all worth it just to see her for that little extra time. I would have done anything for her.

I remember when she was interviewing for the new position in Denver? I drove all over Portland trying to find little toy cars to help with her illustration about how a team is like a car having all four wheels and how they work together to accomplish a goal. I was so proud of her for giving it her all and succeeding at earning that position. Now that I think of it, that car analogy applies to our family and us. We all need each other to be better and keep on track and be a team. I am so motivated by that and our boys. I lose my way without that and I want to be her reflection and motivation as she has been that for me. I truly thought we brought out the best in each other when we were together.

I remember when we were given tickets to see Fiona Apple. That was so spontaneous and a great way to kick off our time in Denver together. We always used to watch our same movies over and over again. Like the Friends DVDs and White Christmas every winter break and The Wedding Singer. We walked everywhere and lived simply. "I wanna be the guy, who grows old with you"

I remember in our first Denver apartment when we took baths together in our claw foot tub in the big bathroom. We put a board over the top and played cards. I liked playing Uno with her in bed too. She was so funny being slightly color blind and in the dark, mixing up the greens and blues. We played Uno in Breckenridge too at that cool bed and breakfast in the fall.

2006

We had continued fun and adventure in our new home of Denver. She was doing well as a trainer for the bank and I started working in health foods. We went camping in New Mexico a couple times with friends and we both took individual trips to Oregon as well as one together for her uncle's wedding. We had marital spats on occasion but always bounced back. The issues we had seemed like part of a normal marriage and were far better than what I had grown up around. I realized that marriage was a lot of work but I was up for the task. She occasionally became aggressive throwing things at me or breaking things during conflict.  I believed I was the problem and tried to change for her in many ways. With two incomes we still had trouble making our bills at times. She had debts that I never knew about that started to catch up with us but I took care of getting them settled and we paid off her car and traded it for an older Volvo Wagon that we both loved, I even had it repainted her favorite color for a birthday gift. Overall things seemed like they were progressing in a positive way.

I remember when we saw Midnight in concert in Boulder. That was the peak of our hippy days. We were alive with pleasure in our healthy vegetarian diets and practices living in a time and place like no other. I want to be like that again. Reggae was our music. We had much in common.

2007

We really fell into our roles in our marriage and the community; church and culture, friends etc. Things seemed very balanced and appropriate for us at that time and that age (24-25). We had separate bank accounts and jobs. I had money in savings. We started the process of buying a house so we could invest in something. She became pregnant shortly after. I embraced the challenge with positive energy but we were both in for a big change. We started having more fights. I didn't have many friends and would write to old friends via social media just so I could to catch up and tell them things were going great with being married to make myself feel better than I actually did. She hated the dawn of social media and also felt isolated I'm sure. She felt I should be doing more for her and I didn't know how to do what she needed but I failed to ask a lot of the time. After one argument, she left the house. My instinct told me to look at ******* and ******* as a retaliation. I had not done this much once we were married because she always met my needs but when things were difficult between us I felt more emotionally isolated. She walked in and realized what I had been doing. She was very upset, and because she was pregnant, thought I was not attracted to her. The truth is I found her even more beautiful and in fact when I looked at ******* I tried to look at women I found less attractive than her so that I feel good about what I have. I mostly fantasized about how these women were more submissive and loving than her. That is the part I needed to feel good about and feel better about myself with because I felt very dominated and controlled. She has never forgiven me for this and I will never stop feeling sorry to her for my brokenness. During one particular argument that year she was getting close to being violent towards me again and I pushed her away on the chest with my fingertips. She got very mad and said I hurt her. I immediately felt terrible and apologized. I never let something like that happen again. I have always avoided violence towards others especially women and of course her. I was defenseless against physical and emotional abuse.

2008

Our eldest son was born at the beginning of the year, it was a traumatic birth for everyone. We wanted a natural birth with a midwife but we were transferred to a hospital and she ended up having an emergency C-section, nothing went as planned. We had a really hard time coping with the emotions of this experience. A lot of buried feelings and trauma from both of us started coming out. We moved a month later into our new home outside of town. No more walking or biking to places, we had to drive everywhere. This house was next to our friends from church. We thought this would make us feel less isolated but we didn’t really have the community with them that we had hoped for. They were upset that they didn't have a child of their own yet and being around us might have been hard for them. My wife stopped working and stayed home with our son. All these changes made for a very difficult time. I did my best to support them but this was the first time we shared a bank account and needed to follow a budget more than ever before. We had no debt at the beginning of the year with money in savings but then the hospital bills put us down about $7,000 and rising with new home and moving expenses and baby needs. My job could barely keep up. She and I had a hard time adjusting. We could not afford to travel home to Oregon and visit family as much and we felt more and more isolated. She started showing me more signs of instability, locking herself in the bathroom with kitchen knives and scraping her legs which continued off and on for years to come. Talks of divorce and suicide threats seemed to happen more than before. I felt responsible and tried to fix her ever changing issues with me.

I remember when herr ******* were full and swollen with milk. It is so beautiful the way she could feed our babies. I wanted her in every way, our bodies belonged to each other. I was there for her and our shared pleasure. I loved it when she told me that she was mine in the heat of passion. This spark could only be a bandage for so long but I didn't know that yet.

2009

I tried to promote within my company but was not selected, they were cutting budgets and employment all around me. I felt worried about our future. I had always thought the military might be a good opportunity and could move us closer to family back home. My father-in-law encouraged me to look into the Coast Guard. I felt this would be a good way to get moved closer to Oregon.  I ended up joining the Navy because we found out we were pregnant again with our second son and that was the only way I could join a military branch. She worked off and on as a nanny and later in the year at a coffee house working nights. We barely spent time together and when we did it was a lot of hard conversations or arguments about finances with making up intimately in the middle of the night between times of caring for the baby. She once scratched my neck with her fingernails during an argument. People I worked with noticed. It was a hard time and we knew change was on the horizon with jobs and moving. We did visit Oregon that summer though and had a great vacation at the beach with a borrowed 4x4 and staying at a hotel and picnicking out of a cooler as well as going to her brothers wedding. I was 26 and about to join the Navy to provide better for my family at all costs sacrificing myself for their benefit because I would have rather died than look like I didn't try my best for them.

I remember when our babies would kick and move around inside her belly. I loved laying by her and feeling her tummy. I would hum to the baby and hear them move and squirm. I loved giving our boys baths when they were babies too. We had our little bundles of our love, wrapped in a towel in our hands, so tiny and vulnerable. I miss those days and want to remember them with her, aside from this state of melancholy.

2010

The Navy recruiters would only take me if we rented out our home and had her stay with family during boot camp and training. We moved to a furnished apartment in Denver and put our things in storage. She was 5 months pregnant and our eldest was two. I shortly after was let go from my job. Our second son was born in April. I got a contract with the Navy at the last minute but didn't leave until August. We sold our beloved vehicles and lived off retirement funds for six months and moved down to Florida where her parents had just moved out of the blue for work, to stay with them until I left for boot camp. I applied for temporary work in Florida at a dozen places but had no luck in my three months there. I took care of our eldest a lot while she took care of the new baby. Being in Florida was a culture shock for us but we had our moments of romance and made the best of it. Eventually I left for boot camp in August. It was really hard and sad to be gone. She stayed in Florida and came to visit me with the baby at boot camp graduation in October. I then went to Connecticut for five months of training. It was also hard but at least I could call home every day and be in the same time zone. I visited Florida during the winter break and saw my boys and her. We went to Disney world and had a great time on her parents. We also made a romantic home movie I could enjoy while away from her. I flew back to Connecticut and tried to make the best of things. My roommate was very abusive of substances and I resisted the temptation for a long time but the threat of being submarine service bound and missing my family pushed me to drinking every weekend and getting messed up to escape before I left.

I remember when we drove to Key Largo, Florida and stopped at a crazy bird wildlife center. I remember our oldest was so amazed hearing a bird say hello back to us. It was so foreign and fun there. I am glad we all shared that experience together.

I remember our trip to the citrus grove in Florida. That was such a great day for our family. I always look back on that with really fond sentiment. I felt like I was in a beautiful family music video with them.

2011

I finished Submarine Training and got orders back to the Northwest. The plan was all coming together. I arrived first and bought a car and got our items moved from storage in Denver to our townhouse rental in Washington. She and the boys joined me a month later. I didn't report to my Sub for another month as they were at sea. She became pregnant again with our third son right after arriving. We had just bought a small car and were not planning on another child. Towards the end of the year I was working a lot and having a really hard time, being bullied and treated poorly at work plus our financial situation was still very difficult. Adjusting to the military was hard among younger men being 28. I dreaded each day in that environment but I tried to endure it for my family. I went to sea for a couple months at the end of the year stopping in Hawaii and California. During this time She reached out to her ex married affair partner after six years of no contact. She didn't tell me until later. She said she needed closure with him, we were not in counseling yet but she decided this was appropriate. I flew home early from sea and wanted to surprise her. The stress and trauma of this quick transition home after being to sea for the first time (which was also traumatic) made me want to drink and get messed up before flying. I arrived home and surprised her but I seemed off to her which I was but didn’t explain why, I have never done that since. I got to be home for two months almost work free while we celebrated the holidays and prepared for the new baby to be born. She started getting more involved with a church and building a community for us which was great. Our financial struggles almost led us to foreclosure of our home back in Colorado but by the grace of God we got it sold with a short sale just in time.

I remember when I came back from Hawaii and brought her a beaded necklace and she wore it naked with her big beautiful pregnant goddess belly and we made passionate hippy love together. I want to grow out my beard again and spend my life making hippy love and feeling free again.

2012

Our third son was born in January. It was a very positive birth experience and much less stressful than the other two. Shortly after I flew out to finish the other half of the deployment I had missed. I really focused on being positive and spiritually connected by reading my Bible at sea which was helpful. I called her when I arrived in Japan halfway through being gone. She was upset because she tested positive for an STD while trying to get on birth control. I became suspicious of her yet she was suspicious of me. We both got tested again and I was clean, she told me she had a false positive after all. This put a big strain on our trust, especially being so far away. This forced us to be honest with each other about some things such as her contact with her ex lover and my drinking to cope. We were both very upset until I returned home and we could start some counseling to work through things. Forgiveness seemed to be difficult for us. It brought up hurts of the past when we were 19. She also had severe postpartum depression that became worse after each birth. I was still having a hard time with work and the submarine environment. Our church friends tried to counsel us but it was not the most helpful. My submarine was scheduled for extended repairs and not going to sea for three years, I would be transferred before the end of that period. I used this time to bond with her and my boys. I wanted to get better involved in our community and do volunteer work and side jobs to earn extra money. Our boys were all given diagnosis's for autism which begun to fill our lives with appointments and challenges for years to come but we were a good team in dealing with all of it. It gave us something to work together on but took our focus away from working on our own personal issues and relationship with each other as much as we should have.

2013

We had new years with both sides of our family in a snowy mountain setting in Oregon. It looked like it was going to be a great year until her Grandpa passed away suddenly. It ripped our entire family apart but especially her. He kept the family grounded and she was very close to him, he really loved all of us. She and I started going on dates again because we had Navy sponsored child care. It was the beginning of a really good thing for us. Tragically one night after a date we were dancing with the boys on the patio and I tried to pick her up and I lost my balance and fell on her, breaking her collar bone severely. She needed surgery and was very mad at me for years to come. She has a scar, a metal plate and numbness in her chest. We worked through it with our community from church but she still is very mad at me. I feel more terrible about this incident than she could ever know. I would lose a finger in place of that incident if I could. I continued having a really hard time in the Navy and I didn't want to stay in but She insisted our boys needed care only the Navy could offer. She also said she would divorce me if I ever left the Navy. I took this threat seriously even though she assured me later that she would never actually do that. Against my own convictions I reenlisted because I wanted to do the best thing for my family. We moved into base housing at the end of summer and didn’t go out to do things as much anymore. The house was nice but it ****** us in, we also had less community with people around our home. I started volunteering at church more and doing work with special needs people. I felt like I was doing good things and that I had purpose all around. I think she appreciated this about me.

2014

We started seeing a professional counselor together and individually. It became a regular event. I worked on myself and she worked on herself. I had a lot of issues with my Mom and eventually broke off communication with her for my own well-being and the betterment of my family. I got past a lot of the bad feelings I had. She worked on her traumatic experiences and our relationship dynamics. Just when things were going well I got a new boss who made things hard for me and others at work and I started messing up more. I got in trouble for messing up a job at work and was given strike one on my record. She lost respect for me as a provider but I tried to stay strong showing her that I would continue to do my best.

I remember when we had an appointment in Tacoma and we had a brunch date together afterwards. She looked so beautiful that day, I took her picture and was so proud to enjoy  huevos rancheros and momosas with her. I remember going to the Tacoma Art Museum seeing the Georgia O’Keefe exhibit, we have a great time together doing new things and feeding each other's interests. I loved laughing with her too, sometimes we just bust up like nobody's around. I loved the sound of her laughter. I loved watching Portlandia with her, it is so funny to remember the funny place where we became close and be able to relate together.

2015

I kept working hard and being involved with family and appointments for my boys and her. I still maintained my volunteer work and part time side jobs. I got strike two with the Navy for messing up again... I had just gained orders to leave the sub for local shore duty. I could not get out of the extended repair situation soon enough. She was very disappointed in me and not so understanding. I worked through this situation with our counselor as did she. He always told her I am a good man and that I do a lot for her and the boys. It's true, I care more than anything about them, I made mistakes and I feel bad especially when I cause my family stress. I left for shore duty in April. It was a hard time adjusting to the new routine but eventually we seemed to make it work. That summer we took a trip to visit Texas where her parents had just moved from Florida. We spent a great night together for our 10th anniversary in a hotel in Texas and went dancing. We had a lot more time together as my work schedule was less. The more people we had in our home working with our kids on issues the less useful my input seemed. I was not included as much in making family decisions because they all seemed to happen while I was at work, despite my objections. We tried to get our budget under control but she still had anxiety discussing spending. She continued to struggle with depression and was put on medication because she had still been harming herself. She was put on Prozac daily and anti anxiety medication as needed. He family members were not very supportive of medication which upset her but I always tried to be supportive in seeking help and continued care for both of us.

2016

We had a busy routine of kids in school now and home school and preschool and appointments for all of us. She wanted to go to church less and less. I started drinking a couple beers at night almost every day. I tried to mask my stress from her mood swings. She decided not to go to church at all anymore and focused teaching the boys about Jewish traditions exclusively which was hard for me to adjust to and confusing for the boys. I loved her and wanted to be supportive. As usual I was submissive and removed myself from the Christian church and some friendships. I feel like we lost our community at that point. We searched for a good place to have a new community with Jewish people but it was like starting over. I felt like I converted to Christianity for her when we got together and now I had to convert again, either way I would have done it for her because I loved her that much. The kids were confused by this change. After trying and failing at many synagogues we finally found one that seemed right for us.

2017

We finally had some money in savings because I kept it a secret and ended up planning a trip to visit her parents in Texas but it fell through due to lack of military flights. Instead we spent three nights away in a nice hotel resort as a family in February. We had three days of pure family time. Playing Battleship and other games in our room as a family, watching movies and eating at all the different restaurants and getting room service. Going swimming everyday in the foggy pool. I love our family and how we can have a great time together doing nothing but at the same time so much. That was so peaceful and relaxing. I wanted to keep doing things like that together as a family before our boys got too old. Shortly after this vacation she wanted to go back to school, then we bought a third vehicle so she could. Shortly after this she changed her mind about school and wanted to buy another house instead. I went along with it to please her and we practically killed ourselves trying to get the move accomplished with not much help or money. We had a good year over all. We got away for a romantic anniversary together in the summer. Just before the boys were going to start public school in the fall, her parents moved back to the area. She had anxiety with this and cut off contact with her parents and brothers for a while. Her Dad called me very upset and I tried to keep the peace until they reconciled. I was doing better with work and made up for lost progress as well as making arrangements to change jobs in the Navy to something more fitting. Since the boys started public school, I planned on leaving for Navy training in my new position after the beginning of the new year when they would be at a more settled place in their routine.

I remember when we went to the Olympic Club for our anniversary and we stayed there for a night away. We drove the long way through the countryside talking about new music that she wanted to share with me and she made notes of it on my phone notepad. We brought our own cooler and picnic that included Session Lagers and chocolate. We checked in to our room and made noisy bohemian love on the edge of the creaky bed in our small European room inches from the door. Then we went to the theater downstairs and watched the late showing of a really interesting Sci-fi movie "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets". We took showers and slept sweetly together. We made love again in the morning before we had a delicious brunch outside on the patio. We took the long way home and drove around on new roads and found our way out of cell phone reception. We figured out the road less traveled to get back to our home. We loved being alone and away together, just one night can make such a difference and mean so much.

I remember going to the Forest Theater to see Tarzan with our boys. That was such a great time. I would love to get our boys into theater and go see them someday. I wanted to keep our dreams and goals together alive and not lose opportunity and fall short by losing our partnership.

I loved going camping in Seabeck. Loading the truck with all our gear and getting away. Archer got sick from the cowboy caviar and I had to clean him and the tent up in the night. I was glad we had each other to be a team in our marriage in that situation as with all the other times. These sorts of things are what escape a person's mind when they are determined to get a divorce.

2018

We had a lot less money than the year before, again buying a house took its toll on finances as did the boys school and after school activities. I stayed very involved taking the boys to appointments and sporting practices. We stopped going to synagogue but tried to practice Judaism at home as much as possible, which I was very supportive of and involved with. She was still depressed and talking about suicide at times. I encouraged her to get help as I always had. Eventually she was diagnosed as Bipolar 2 and manic depressive by a new provider. She started taking new medicine for this and was worried I would want to leave her. I assured her I would never leave her and that I always wanted to work on things with her and help her. I left for training in Mississippi February 8th. It was going to be hard but I thought it might be good to have some time apart from each other to miss one another and reflect on things as well as prepare for times when I would be away at sea. I got in trouble in Mississippi for giving junior personnel a ride and being negligent of people who might be underage and possibly drinking, this became strike three. I never thought this could happen. I became recommend for separation from the Navy shortly after and was stuck in Mississippi for six months instead of six weeks. She was supportive through most of it but seemed to fall into hopelessness. Money was spent by her that we didn't have without discussion. She quietly leased appliances and tires and purchased a vehicle as well as having a secret bank account and email address. I discovered through our insurance company that she wanted to leave our policy for divorce. I didn't know this and she had even told the boys she wanted a divorce before I even knew. I was caught off guard and confused. I kept trying to communicate and reason with her but she didn't want to talk. I refused to give up and wrote emails and a letter but it only seemed to push her away further. By the time I left Mississippi she had filed for divorce and a restraining order against me saying I was unstable and a threat. I couldn't return to my home. My whole life fell apart in just a couple months. I found out she had been talking to other men in the Navy and keeping more secrets. I assumed this was her way of taking control during a difficult situation. I really needed her support during this hard time of transition out of the military. I became homeless, jobless and without my family in a month. I prayed to God that given time things might change between us but it was of no use. Bipolar had consumed whatever was left of my bride and there was no turning back.

I felt that our love was not one to be cast away. Other people might not understand or agree but what we had was truly special. We may have surely needed some time and space to get counseling as well as reconfigure and repair our marriage but I didn't feel like our relationship was irretrievably broken. She was so important to me and I thought she was the love of my life and would always have my heart. I wanted to be her partner in love and life, watching our boys grow up and being there to support each other. Being that she is Bipolar I knew she will need a lot of help and I was more than willing to assist her in making sure she was taking care of herself and not throwing herself into harm's way, ensuring she sticks with a plan we agree to for consistency. I cared about her deeply and had much compassion for her. I didn't believe she was thinking this through or thinking about the future. I really wanted to look at the long and short game with her, neither seemed appealing to me if we progressed but here we are. Things are not going to be easier. She will still have to face her problems and deal with me on a regular basis for the rest of our lives no matter what happens. She can believe her lawyer when they promise she'll get the moon and stars out of this in the end but they only see half of the story. Above all they want our money. It would have been good for her to face me in person and tell me she wanted to divorce and we could have started talking about it with a counselor to figure out how that could even work. Instead she chose to avoid as much responsibility for her actions as possible by doing everything in my absence as if I am not a real person. I had to find out about it from our insurance company and was last to know.

Immediately after I hear the word divorce I looked into her cell usage history and find she has a new military boyfriend that she talks to 20-30 times a day. She felt she owed me no explanation for this and it was none of my business. A mature person would have let me know about this months before and I would have seen it coming but there was no sign until it was seemingly too late. She strayed down a dark path and never turned back.

Her proposed parenting plan was cruel and had no thought put into it. Two hours a week with supervision, no holidays but father's day? She said she’s not trying to keep me from the kids but this is the exact opposite of what she’s saying with the paperwork she filed. She seems very mixed up and still you continues to make rash and sudden choices. Like a completely bogus restraining order against me that contradicts so many facts she has stated herself on record during my Navy retention process. She was so bold as to want to change her identity and even put it in ink on the divorce paperwork as well to a whole new name. That is not the actions of a stable person. She has since changed her mind again on that just as quickly as everything else in her recent life choices. I can't trust that any decisions she is making right now are for the right reasons or that she is of sound mind. I have never seen her so conflicted and confused, grasping at straws and running scared from herself.

Using the legal system so carelessly and going back and forth makes me feel like she is not ready to be making big choices and changes for her and our family. It is very unfair that she can’t consider my feelings on things and what I wish for the boys as well. Very reckless behavior. She can’t anticipate that the day would come where she has to face me and talk to me like an adult. She wants to hide behind the legal system which only leaves much to be unresolved. Ghosting me is not really an option in a marriage of 13 years with children.

Having relationship conversations is too difficult for her at this time and she would rather avoid it and skip to divorce because she thinks that will somehow be easier. I suspect she knows she is making poor choices, possibly out of fear and lust for something new and less painful than the reality of things right now. Our marriage was nowhere close to divorce when I left. She was sad to see me leave and woke with me at 3:30 am to say goodbye, making me coffee and cookies for me to take with.

Our community and accountability seems to be gone due to the continued trend of isolation that she is drawn to. The God fearing loving committed wife I thought I had is gone or trapped inside a terrified shell of herself. She cut me off from her family members and I can't discuss my concerns about her with them either. She only seems to have community with those who are not going to discourage her from these destructive choices.

I understand we have had issues and struggles but we are no worse off than other couples during challenging times. I think that because we loved each other so much it just hurt more when things got hard. I can't accept or believe this is justified or the right choice based on the positive trend we were on before I left. This was the longest break we have ever had from each other and I think she just needed someone to be there more for her, no matter who it was. Time can heal all wounds and I hope that is true for our relationship as co-parents.

She still refuses to tell me about why she wanted a divorce or talk about anything beyond caring for the kids. I have fought the restraining and I can see my boys again but I am still not allowed to my home without her permission.

I have risen from the ashes in just a couple months. I rent a room from a nice couple from our old church and obtained a good paying job while I continue paying the household bills.

This is a really hard time, this difficult spell could have been a tool to better our relationship. I wanted to experience more beautiful memories with her. We had so many more beautiful memories and dreams left to create. This is what marriage looks like to me now as I lower the casket.
This is a timeline of the major events during my 13 year marriage. Amidst the reality, I injected all the lovely memories that refuse to leave my mind.
Sam Winter May 2013
So, this was written to an unnamed ex a while ago. I ran across it the other day, and I might publish it in the collection I'm currently working on. To me, this is more than just a letter, it's a piece of prose. It's a pouring out of the soul in a way that few people take the time to do. Obviously written at a very rocky time in a previous relationship, I enjoy the clarity of thought that's displayed (not as an egotist, but as a stylist), and I enjoy the allusions and illustration. I'm proud of it, if not for the source or the outcome, then for the product of my turmoil. If I were to classify it? I'd label it, now, as a study of the mind. Enjoy it, and, as always, I welcome your comments and criticisms!

-###-

                Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I love you deeply, and truly. I would give anything to make you happy, and I'd do anything you ever asked me to. I don't ever want to hurt you, and I don't ever want you to be unhappy.
                But I am unhappy. I sleep next to a woman I can't touch until she won't notice, who won't - or can't, I still can't figure out which - show me the affection I crave; and when I try to explain to her the physical and mental stress this puts me through, she doesn't understand or doesn't care (still can't pin that one, either).
                I once took a "Psychology of Affection" class. Evidently, the emotion we call "love" is a conglomeration of a number of different, smaller emotions. Chiefly among them are attention and affection. Attention was always defined by my professor as "the willingness of one to give their focus in degrees, and the blatantness with which they are willing to display that focus." He went on to explain that when one is willing to give their focus but not to display it, or willing to make a display but not to give it, then an imbalance is affected, and either one or both members of a relationship become unhappy. And degrees of happiness become apparent when degrees of willingness are shown.
                In our case, I think, I am both willing to give you my attention, and unafraid to do it regardless of place or time; therefore, I think I give you a very high degree of attention. How do you think you score? How do you think I'd score you?
                Affection works on the same principle: willingness to give, and the ability to do so in a way that is apparent to the other party. Along with these two, though, Affection has a third variable: frequency. The combination of these three and the balance that must be kept determines the amount of affection given, and received at an intellectual level.
                I am entirely certain that I have been willing to show you ample affection in any venue, I am quite capable of showing you my affection in a plethora of ways, and I have done so (in innumerable combinations) with staggering frequency, despite the lack of reciprocation that should have left me hopeless.
                Well, right about now, I'm starting to feel hopeless. Any relationship requires two very basic things, hon: cerebral and physical interaction. An intimate relationship, therefore, requires an amount of intimacy in both cerebral and physical interactions. In addition, any relationship, intimate or otherwise, requires equal participation in all areas to continue over any extended period of time.
                I have been trying for God knows how long, to make this explicitly clear to you: I do not receive enough affection or attention from you for me to stay happy.
                I've laid a foundation in a universal truth for you; you have the science of our interaction at your fingertips, now. You understand what I understand, so I'm going to be as forward as I can in addressing this situation.
                In order for me to stay satisfied with our relationship, the amount of affection and attention I get HAS to change. I am, currently, both mentally and physically distressed, and I am at a breaking point. I have tried multiple times to get you to change: I've tried being subtle and hinting at things I like you to do - things I'd like to see more frequently from you; I've tried being abrasive, being a **** - telling you what I don't like, and why; I've tried being manipulative - guilt-tripping you into thinking or acting differently; I've tried (God, have I tried!) to be truthful and sweet and kind - to tell you, up front, what pleases me and what doesn't in the un-charged air of plain discussion. Any, and all (!), of these methods have been met with selfish stubbornness. I have tried, very hard, to convince myself that it's just been me. That it's something I have, or haven't, been doing. That me flipping out so often is just me freaking out. That none of my state of mind has anything to do with you. I dread putting any of the blame on you because...I worship you, I don't want your flawless image tainted by these things! But, at this point, I've done so much, and tried so hard to get you to change, to open up to me, to act (just act!) like you want me in your head and heart and *****. But you've been stubborn and you refuse to change...and it is driving me away.
                I don't want you to drive me away. I know you love me; I'm convinced you think I improve your life. And I'm convinced you improve mine in so many ways. But there is an imbalance.... I've done as much as any man can be asked: I have been kind, gentle, sweet, gracious, caring, selfless, and loving; but I cannot be these things when you will neither receive them nor give them back. My emotion, my spirit, and my love are being swallowed up in a void, and I can feel the light in this relationship fading. I can't stay in this if I'm the only one showing how I feel. If you don't love me, anymore, tell me. But I can't stay here and not know. I can't give you so much of my heart, and not get anything in return. It's my turn to be selfish.
                I am banking on the hope that you want this to work, honey. I am praying to God, Almighty that you would rather change how you act than give me up.
                I have never given anyone I've been in a relationship with an ultimatum before. Maybe that's why I've been hurt so badly before. But I'm not going to sink this ship myself. I'm giving you an honest chance. I want this, more than anything. I want you more than anything! I don't care that we don't earn enough for food, yet. I don't care that you spend oodles of time with your friends; I don't care about anything you do with your life except this. This one thing will solve so many of our problems, you don't even realize!
                My peace...my serenity with our relationship and with you as my partner in life, depends, solely, on how you behave towards me. There aren't enough Josephine Collective concerts or pills, or parties in all the world that will make me feel like you love me more than you showing me your **** self. I NEED this. It is essential to my functioning as your lover and your friend; I can't love a stone. And I can guarantee you, right now, that if you can put aside your insecurities, put aside your "awkwardness" argument, put aside your doubt that I would ever, EVER, turn you away or leave you alone, and just show me every minute of every day that you love me, I would never worry again. Reassure me with a kiss. Say "hello" with a kiss. Warm up by scooting closer. Cool down by throwing off a blanket - not pushing me away. Act like you can't keep your hands off me. There will be no nights where I ask you distressing questions; there won't be times when I'm offended by your going somewhere without me; I will not get upset when plans get upset. If I knew in my heart of hearts that you loved me and you'd make sure I knew it when you saw me, then there wouldn't be room for doubt.
                But right now...I don't know whether you love me or whether you're just going through the motions. My thinking is "if she loved me, she'd show me." But you don't show me. You know this as well as I do! One passionate kiss every couple of weeks is not showing me. A wag of the hips a couple times a month doesn't show me. Part of the psychological validation for committing to a relationship is the fact that your partner's body is yours to use. And it should be a willing use! I am a male. Three-fourths of my interaction with society is conducted physically, or visually. I need to see and feel that you love me. And that's not very much to ask from you, is it? And it's not awkwardness. You've shown me plenty of times that you're not abnormally awkward. And it's not shyness; you've been perfectly happy to make a scene in front of others before. It's not ***, either. *** isn't what trips me up. I'm fine without *** as long as I know you'd give it if you could. If I was confident that you'd jump my bones before I ever suggested it, then it wouldn't be an issue. But I'm not confident. Hell, I could go another three months if I got a BJ now and then.... I'm tempted to say it's pure selfish stubbornness, but I know that's not true. I think you're afraid of something. Maybe of opening up - spilling your guts - for me. Maybe you've been hurt a lot worse than I realize? There are so many possibilities. But you're the only one that can let me in, baby.
                I know it's not your way. That's evident enough from all my failures. But this is beyond "my way versus your way," now. This is essential to our being together. I love you, selflessly and shamelessly; but if I am going to be happy with you, I need to know you love me back. This isn't an option, anymore, dearest. You have to change. I need to know on a daily, hourly, moment-to-moment basis that you prefer me over anything else...period. My heart is breaking because I can't tell if you love me back. So, I'm going to make this easy on you. I've brought this up to you before - multiple times, actually. Each one just as memorable as the next. Each one serious enough to tell you that something has to change. But you don't seem to get it. You don't understand that this is paramount to my happiness...essential to my functioning; and you don't get that yet. You've asked me to do multiple things differently; I have changed how I act - who I am - to cater to your peace and happiness, and I am happy to do so. I have asked this one thing of you and you won't do it? I have asked this one thing because it is the one thing that I need to change. I've told you that. But the day after, and the week after, and the month after I bring this up, nothing changes. I can't handle that. I can't handle that I can be so willing to make you happy...to change my thoughts and actions through my own will to make your life simpler, less worrisome, happier and easier; yet you are so unwilling to grab your own mind and make it behave as you choose to ease my mind and my heart and give me that little validation I need from you so I can tell myself that I am your whole world the way you're mine!
                I will always love you. Always.
                But I can't be with someone who can't show me they love me.
                This is your ultimatum: Change. Put me in your mind. Think about the things you do that make me happy, and do them. Physically connect with me. Touch me on a regular basis. Visually connect with me. Get my attention, and hold it every day. Act like you are my woman the way I try to be your man. And do it now. You do not get a week or a month or a year. I am out of time. I can't wait on this any longer. If you want me here, hold me here with your own two arms.
                If you can't hold me, then I won't stay.

-###-
Mia Pierce May 2015
When I was in an abusive relationship, I told myself I deserved it. I told myself I should be more obedient, as if I was a dog. My leash was held so tight that I couldn’t muster any words out even if I wanted to.
When I was in an abusive relationship, I soaked in every insult and only ever released apologies.
When I was in an abusive relationship, some days I flinched when he raised his hand or began to speak and other days I just sat there waiting for it. When my mom would ask about the bruises I would be surprised because I didn’t know my body was still reacting to it when my mind wasn’t.
When I was in an abusive relationship, tying nooses was a nightly thing and nothing to even be alarmed about, blood stained sheets were the norm, and suicide notes were just normal letters.
When I was in an abusive relationship, I took many different kinds of drugs throughout the day and didn’t really know which combination would **** me. Would the coke, Xanax, and alcohol **** me? Or would it be the alcohol, ******, and oxy?
When I was in an abusive relationship, all concern for myself vanished. As my addictions to many different pills such as Xanax, ******, Hydro, Oxy and many more grew, I started to smile again.
When I was in an abusive relationship, being asked how many drugs I was on was not rude or unexpected.
When I was in an abusive relationship, leaving permanently just didn’t seem like an option.
When I was in an abusive relationship, I had unconditional love for my attacker and always made sure he was okay even after he hit me.
When I was in an abusive relationship, one day, I had a revelation and found my voice.
Now, I am no longer in an abusive relationship.
TW**
Speak truthfully

It’s always better to say the truth now rather than living a lie and letting that lie get exposed later. I know what it feels like to be lied to, it’s not pretty, it’s horrible beyond measure. Honesty should always be one of the main factors of any relationship, and you need to be honest till the end, even if it means you’ll end up losing your relationship, it’s still much better than lying to the person you love, doesn’t matter how big or small the lie is, it’s still a lie and you’re still keeping it from them. Always speak truthfully and from the heart, those who know the importance of honesty will never leave you. Those who care more about themselves will probably walk away, but that’s for your own good.
Don’t disappear
One of the worst ways of breaking up with someone is by disappearing on them, by slowly fading away, don’t do that. You’ll give unwanted torture to someone by being selfish and scared. If you can’t make it work, either talk about fixing it or talk about a mutual breakup, running away is NOT an option. If you respect each other enough, give each other the courtesy of being open and honest about how the relationship is going and where it’s headed. Disappearing from the relationship isn’t going to solve anything, it’s only going to make it harder for both of you.
Don’t let anger take control

90% of breakups turn ugly because of anger, because one of the two people start letting anger take over them and just give in and lose control, don’t let that happen to you. While it’s pretty natural and expected to be angry at a situation like this, it’s highly unhealthy for both of you. I’ve seen a lot of people who talk things out without being angry, anger just ruins the entire point of trying to talk things out, it just wastes every effort and leaves people more angry and upset. Be calm and be gentle and kind with your words, you don’t want to have any negativity and you don’t want to have any regrets later. Trust me, you’ll hate yourself after a few months if you’re the one who got angry at the breakup. It’s a different and peaceful feeling when you know you didn’t lash out and you kept your cool, trust me.

Don’t involve a third person

If you’re thinking of bringing that one best friend and making them a part of this conversation, don’t, just don’t, it’s only going to end horribly for all of you. Keep in mind that it’s your relationship, it involves you and your partner and no one else, you’ve shared intimacy together, you’ve made memories together, you’ve cried and laughed with each other, do NOT ruin all of those things by bringing a third person in the middle, either to make your point heard or to try and fix the situation.

Don’t have mixed feelings, decide

One of the worst things people do to each other is drag the relationship out, to avoid the stress and pain of a breakup, don’t do that. Do not be in a dragged relationship because of emotions, come out of it because you want to be a much better person in life and you know that the relationship you’re in is only having negative effects on the two of you. Don’t have mixed feelings during the breakup, make up your mind once and for all and go with that decision. If you decide to break up, make up your mind about it and do it. If you decide to sort things out, do whatever is necessary to sort things out. Just don’t have mixed feelings about someone.

Don’t announce it, it’s your privacy

Don’t be that person who puts up a Facebook status as soon as their relationship ends, respect your privacy. Of course, you can talk to your close friends about it because you obviously need to share the pain and sorrow with someone, but just don’t announce it to the world. I’m pointing at you – person who changes their Facebook Relationship Status every two months. This is especially bad when the two of you suddenly decide to be together again, the number of questions and explanations you have to give everyone is going to be a pain and people will only make fun of you then. Avoid the pain, keep it to yourselves.
Don’t bring up the past
One of the worst things to do during a breakup is to bring up issues from the past, issues that had long been resolved and don’t even exist anymore, it’s painful. When you bring up even the smallest of issues, it’s going to create a new list of problems and it’s going to make you angry, which is going to lead to a pretty painful breakup with a lot of animosity and hate. Keep it simple, be very precise about how you feel and avoid the past AT ALL COSTS!

Expect it to be unpleasant

Like I said before, breakups are bad, even the word has pain in it, so expect them to be unpleasant. There is no such thing as a “happy breakup”, if you believe in a happy breakup then it means you’ve seen too many movies. Breakups are always going to be sad, even if they’re mutual and the two of you know that you tried your best, there’s still going to be a lot of grief and pain involved.
this is for people in broken relationships. Relationships that stand on such weak grounds that you don’t really know if you should give this another try or get out of it. A broken relationship is like a deep wound that is a result of constant blows to your soul and heart, unintentionally and at times, intentionally. It is a hard decision but don’t ever give up unless you’ve tried to make it work from every way possible because you don’t want that guilt to linger on after you have broken up. At times many relationships are fragile just because that’s the way they are. It could be a union of two extremely sensitive people or two extremely strong-headed people. So, at times, a few little changes can help you save that relationship.
4. REMIND YOURSELF OF THE PERSON YOU FIRST FELL IN LOVE WITH
You and your partner were not always like this. Remind yourself of the way your partner was, the way you fell in love with them. Over the period of time, small things condition us to adapt and change. Remember, these changes are a result of incidents and external factors in your relationship. Find that faith in your partner again. Believe that there is still the same amount of goodness and love in your partner than when you first met them.
3. STOP FIGHTING, START FORGIVING
You have been fighting for so long and nothing good or positive has come out of it, ever. Your relationship has just gotten worse. All those bad words, hurtful statements and raised voices will only act as those blows that I was talking about. It’s time you stop all of that. Now that you are trying to find the same faith in your partner, forgive them. Know that your partner didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s time you forgive them for hurting you so you can actually work on the things that have damaged to your relationship.
2. IT’S TIME TO COMMUNICATE
Most of us in relationships don’t realise that many issues can be resolved with the right kind of communication. The right kind of communication is when you keep all of your other issues afar from the current situation and address the problem in simple words. Remember not to use a statement that, you know, might offend your partner. Another important action that needs to come into play is to show support. Whether you agree at first or not. Have the patience and courtesy to listen to your partner, even if they are wrong, hear them out and then clear things. Most fights are usually just simple misunderstandings that develop into bigger and badder things.
1. COMMIT YOURSELF AGAIN
Reassure your partner that you still love them. No one in this world can tell your partner how much you love them. Not their friends, not your friends and not even this article. The only person who has the power to reassure this to your partner is YOU. Tell them that you are ready to let go of the things they did to you and ask for forgiveness for the things you did to them. There is no ego when you love someone. Don’t think that asking for forgiveness makes your point any less important. When you forgive your partner and ask for forgiveness, you are allowing them to let go of the things they have been holding on to.

In the end, try and find the spark and the love you both had in the beginning of your relationship. Trust me, it is not that hard if you put your mind to it. We have all been there, I have been there and I eventually learned the hard way so I know its easier said than done. But, Hey! It’s worth a try, your relationship is worth a try.
Have you been in a broken relationship?
If yes, how did you come out of it? Did you manage to fix it and bring it back to what it used to be? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
Tori Hart Nov 2013
People often ask me why I do it.
How do I manage being here
When my Love is
873 miles away
Four states away
And one time zone away.

"How do you do it?" They ask.
"I could never do a long distance relationship." They say.
"I would never be able to handle it."

Well, the truth is
The way I can handle it
The way that helps me to "cope"
Is purely the fact
That my relationship is not
a Long Distance Relationship at all.

In this Love miles may be tangible
but they are everything but definable.
We had Love before there was a distance
and that distance will never be used to
Define us.

No matter how many miles there may be
I can still feel his Spirit with me.
His laugh rings in my ears when I can barely muster a chuckle
His fingers gently touch my skin when I drift off to sleep tucked away at night
I can hear the gentle whisper of his voice when I get up saying,
"Good morning, beautiful."
And I can feel him singing along with me in the car to our Song when my voice cracks.

Our relationship is not a Long Distance Relationship.
Just because there is distance
does not mean that distance defines It.
He isn't absent until I come home
or when he visits me
My Love is always here.
He may be in whispers, and small chuckles, and light sighs
But a part of him is always here
Always with me
Always there
and I can feel it.

So in a sense
our Long Distance Relationship
has no distance at all.
Because creating distance means to separate or to bring apart
And that's not what our relationship does in the slightest.
If anything
these 873 miles bring us closer
Closer than we could ever imagine.

I'm not saying that I enjoy
not being able to physically see him everyday.
But this chapter in our Love is not hard or difficult or too much to handle
And it certainly isn't bringing us apart.
Because we both do not see any other option
This is worth it.
This is right.
This is It.
This is the kind of It that everyone talks about
we all hope for It, search for It, even die for It.
and we are so blessed to have found It so early.

So these 873 miles will not be permanent
but they are so indescribably worth it.
I'm sorry this is such a long drabble. I was just trying to put down everything that I feel about this beautiful blessing of Love that Jess and I have found. Thank you so much for reading. Peace and Love <3
this is for people in broken relationships. Relationships that stand on such weak grounds that you don’t really know if you should give this another try or get out of it. A broken relationship is like a deep wound that is a result of constant blows to your soul and heart, unintentionally and at times, intentionally. It is a hard decision but don’t ever give up unless you’ve tried to make it work from every way possible because you don’t want that guilt to linger on after you have broken up. At times many relationships are fragile just because that’s the way they are. It could be a union of two extremely sensitive people or two extremely strong-headed people. So, at times, a few little changes can help you save that relationship.
4. REMIND YOURSELF OF THE PERSON YOU FIRST FELL IN LOVE WITH
You and your partner were not always like this. Remind yourself of the way your partner was, the way you fell in love with them. Over the period of time, small things condition us to adapt and change. Remember, these changes are a result of incidents and external factors in your relationship. Find that faith in your partner again. Believe that there is still the same amount of goodness and love in your partner than when you first met them.
3. STOP FIGHTING, START FORGIVING
You have been fighting for so long and nothing good or positive has come out of it, ever. Your relationship has just gotten worse. All those bad words, hurtful statements and raised voices will only act as those blows that I was talking about. It’s time you stop all of that. Now that you are trying to find the same faith in your partner, forgive them. Know that your partner didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s time you forgive them for hurting you so you can actually work on the things that have damaged to your relationship.
2. IT’S TIME TO COMMUNICATE
Most of us in relationships don’t realise that many issues can be resolved with the right kind of communication. The right kind of communication is when you keep all of your other issues afar from the current situation and address the problem in simple words. Remember not to use a statement that, you know, might offend your partner. Another important action that needs to come into play is to show support. Whether you agree at first or not. Have the patience and courtesy to listen to your partner, even if they are wrong, hear them out and then clear things. Most fights are usually just simple misunderstandings that develop into bigger and badder things.
1. COMMIT YOURSELF AGAIN
Reassure your partner that you still love them. No one in this world can tell your partner how much you love them. Not their friends, not your friends and not even this article. The only person who has the power to reassure this to your partner is YOU. Tell them that you are ready to let go of the things they did to you and ask for forgiveness for the things you did to them. There is no ego when you love someone. Don’t think that asking for forgiveness makes your point any less important. When you forgive your partner and ask for forgiveness, you are allowing them to let go of the things they have been holding on to.

In the end, try and find the spark and the love you both had in the beginning of your relationship. Trust me, it is not that hard if you put your mind to it. We have all been there, I have been there and I eventually learned the hard way so I know its easier said than done. But, Hey! It’s worth a try, your relationship is worth a try.
Have you been in a broken relationship?
If yes, how did you come out of it? Did you manage to fix it and bring it back to what it used to be? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
Julian Mar 4
Famigerate- to bring news from abroad
2. Opheliminy- the ability to provide ****** pleasure
3. Noogenesis-evolution of the mind
4. Nosocomial- pertaining to a hospital
5. Nullifidian- faithless
6. Neomort-braindead individual
7. Nummamorous- someone who is avaricious for money
8. Nemesism-self-directed frustration
9. Onanism- *******
10. Oculate- having eyes
11. Omniana- about all sorts of things
12. Narrowback- one who doesn’t engage in manual labor
13. Negaholic- persistently pessimistic
14. Faineant- puppet-king, useless ruler
15.Gerendum-something that is to be done
16.GIlderoy- a proud person
17.gobemouche- a gullible person
18. gradatim- step-by-step
19. gramercy-an expression of gratitude or surprise
20. grandeval-of venerable age but antiquated
21. gudgeon- a person easily cheated
22.fagin-someone who induces a crime
23. neovitalism-the theory that total material explanation is impossible
24. gamin- street urchin, imp
25. macarism- taking joy in anothers joys (antonym schadenfreude)
26. Kundlesroman- coming of age story about an artist
27.  macrobian- long-lived as in animated life
28. maidan-open space near a town
29.maeiutic-bringing out latent thoughts
30.mappemond-map of the world
31. mansuetude-meekness, milquetoast tamed
32.melomania-craze for music
33. meropia- partial blindness
34. mesothermic- only effective in temperate climates
35.metagnostic- incomprehensible, beyond understanding
36. metanoia- fundamental change in character (repentance)
37. metemperical- beyond the scope of knowledge
38. mewling- crying feebly
39.mirabiliary-miracle worker
40. misfeasance- doing a lawful act in an incorrect manner
41 motatory- consistently moving
42 mouchard- a police spy
43.muliebrity- womanhood
44. mulligrubs- a despondent or ill-tempered mood
45. myriarchy- government of 10,000 persons
46. mythoclast- destroyer of myths
47. mythopoeic-giving rise to myths
48. kamerad- to surrender
49. katzenjammer- hangover, uproar, clamorous environment
50. kenspeckel-easily recognizable or conspicuous
51.kerygma- teaching of the Christian gospel
52. kindergraph-picture of a child
53. kismet- fate or destiny
54. knubble- to beat with the fists
55. katabasis- military retreat in dire straits
56.facture-worksmanship the making of a product
57. familism- the tendency of a family to cohere as a group
58. farrago- confused mass of objects or people a disordered mixture
59. fastuous- haughty and ostentatious
60. ferial-pertaining to holidays
61. flapdoodle- gross flattery/nonsense
62. floruit- the dates of a persons birth and death
63. fluminous- having many rivers or streams
64. flummery- insipid lifeless gaucherie  of a compliment
65. fogram- antiquated
66. foothot-hastily immediately or on the spot imperative action
67. forswink- to exhaust by labor
68.fustian-garish magniloquence
69. futurition- future existence time to come
70.negotiosity- the preoccupation with business as a workaday trifle
71. nemorivagant-wandering through the woods
72. neoblastic- pertaining to new growth
73. nepotation- riotous behavior/ profligacy
74. nesiote-living on an island
75. nevus- birthmark
76. noctiflorous-flowering at night
77. noddypeak- fool imbecile
78. noetics- rules of logic
79. nomistic- based on a law of sacred books
80. nulliverse-purposeless universe
81. yenta-gossip or busybody
82. yobbery-hooliganism
83. yordim- emigrants who leave Israel
84.veduta- panoramic view of a town
85. velivolant- flying with sails
86.ventose- puffed up with conceit/windy/ flatulent
87.verecund-modest or shy
88.vespertilian-bat-like
89. vespiary- wasps nest
90. vesuviate- to burst with heat/ erupt
91. vetanda- forbidden things
92. vetust-very ancient
93.viaggiatory- traveling frequently
94. viaticum-money for travel
95. vibronic- caused by an electronic vibration
96. Victoria- cry of triumph
97. videndum- thing to be seen
98. videtur- it seems
99. viduity- widowhood
100.viparious-life-producing
101. virago- a manlike or heroic woman or a termagant
102. virason- sea breeze
103. virtu-love or taste for fine art
104. visagist- an expert in ****** makeup
105 visibilia- things that are seen
106 visiogenic-suitable for tv broadcast
107volable-nimble-witted
108volupty-****** pleasure
109 voraginous-like a whirlpool
110. vulgus- the common people
111. vulnerary- healing wounds
112.verberate- to beat
113. ommateum- the composite eye
114. omnism- belief in all religions

116. oxygeusia- extremely keen sense of taste
117. oread- mountain nymph
118. obganiate-to fluster someone by constantly repeating yourself
119. obelize-to treat something with contempt, scorn or regard as spurious
120. oppositive- garnering local support or disdain
121. odalisque- a female slave in a harem
122. orogenesis- mountain-building
123. orography- descriptions of mountains
124. omnify-to make known or universal everywhere
125. onolatry- the worship of donkeys, ***** or liberals
126. oikonisus-desire to start a family
127. obolary-very poor
128. obrogate-to alter the law by passing a new law
129. occamy-alloy imitating gold or silver oroide
130. olasin-of a long epoch or era
131. odontoloxia-crooked or abnormal teeth
132. oecist- the founder of a colony
133.oecodomic-pertaining to architecture
134.oeillade-an ogle, glance or wink
135.officialism-excessive devotion to station or position
136.oikonisus-desire to start a family
137.oleaginous-sycophantic
138.oligochrome-art using few colors
139.oligogenics-birth control
140.oleiferous-producing oil
141. ombrophilous-tolerating a large amount of rainfall
142. ommateum-compound eye
143.omnifarious-of all kinds
144.omnify-to make large or universal
145. omphalism- centralization in government
146.onomasticon- a dictionary of proper names
147. ontocyclic-to revert to an infantile state in older age
148.ontography-description of someones essence, form or being
149.ophidiodiarium-a house of snakes
150. ophidian-like a snake
151.opinable- capable of being thought
152.oppignorate-to pawn
153.optative-expressing a desire or wish
154.oragious-stormy
155.orarian-coastal, coast-dweller
156. organicism-conception of life or society as an organism
157. orthobiosis-correct or moral living
158.outrecuidance-overwhelming arrogance or self-esteem
159. oxyblepsia-extremely keen sight.
160. apolaustic- dedicated to the pursuit of enjoyment
161. azimuth-mark of the horizon
162.avizandum-private consideration of a case by a judge
163.aval-pertaining to a grandparent
164. auxesis-an aggrandizement permitted by hypertrophy with hyperbole an augmentation of meaning
165.autotelic- being an end in itself
166. autosoterism- belief one can obtain salvation through their own deeds and works and words
167. autology- a scientific study of oneself
168. aurigraphy-writing or engraving in gold; aureate magisterial wit
169. Atticism- elegance in expression that is also concise
170.atocia- female sterility
171. athetesis- rejection of a document as spurious and obelization
172. athanasy- deathlessness
173.assizer- someone in charge of demarcating weights and measures
174. aspergillum- a vessel for transporting and using holy water
175.aseity- self-origination
176. ascian- one inhabiting and equatorial zone/ someone without a shadow
177. arpenteur- a land surveyor
178.armipotent- having strong weapons in a war
179. armigerous-enabled to bear arms
180. aretaics- the science of virtue
181. arenoid/arenaceous- like sand
182.arctician- someone skilled with navigating the polar regions
183.archaeolatry- the worship of outmoded customs and ancient things
184. apistia-faithlessness in marriage
185. aphnology- the science of wealth
186. aphemia- loss of ability to produce articulate speech
187. apercu- a brief outline /glimpse/intuitive insight
188. apanage- privilege of office bequeathed to younger patrons at an early age
189. apagoge- proof by showing the falsehood of the opposite
190.antithalian- opposed to mirth and fun
191. antiscian- a dweller on the exact opposite side of the world
192. antipudic-concealing private body parts
193.antiloquy- speaking against some idea with hortatory force
194.antilapsarian- denial of the fall of humanity in both the future and in terms of original sin
195.anthroposophy- knowledge of the nature of humanity, human wisdom
196.antephialatic- preventing nightmares
197. anglice-in plain English
198.anemocracy- government by caprice or whimsy or by the wind
199.aneabil-single unmarried
200. anaudia- loss of voice
201. anatocism- compound interest
202. anapeiratic- caused by excessive usage
203. anagogy- mystical interpretation
204.anacusic- completely deaf
205. anacampserote- something that can bring back a past love
206. anabiosis- a return to life after apparent death
207.amyloid- starchy
208.amplivagant-stretching far having a great scope
209. amoretto- a cherub or a spirit of love
210.  amoret- love song
211.  ament- a person who fails to develop mentally
212. ambsace- bad luck or a low score
213.ambeer- juice from chewing tobacco
214. amaxophobia- fear of riding in a car
215. amasthenic- focusing light rays to a single point
216. amain-to a full degree, completely at full speed
217. alveromancy- divination using sounds
218. alpestrine- of or like alpine regions or mountains
219. arboricide- the killing of trees
220. alopecia- baldness hair loss
221. alogism- illogical statement
222. alluvion- impact of water on the littoral regions during a storm surge
223. allodic- not subject to a superior
224. algedonics- study of pleasure and pain
225. alamort- half-dead or rejected
226. aiger- tidal wave occurring in rivers
227.agrize- to horrify or disfigure
228. agravic- having no gravity condition of zero gravity
229. agrapha- things Jesus said that weren’t recorded in the gospels
230. aggiornamento- modernizing the teachings of the Catholic Church
231. ageotropic- turning away from the earth
232. agenocratia- opposing birth control
233. agathism- the triumph of evil over good using banausic nefariousness to achieve the ends
234. agapism- the ethics of love
235.agapeistic- Christian love
236. agamist- one who opposes marriage
237. agacerie- coquetry
238. affrayer- disturber of the peace
239. aegis- protection or support
240. advenient- due to outside causes
241.adoxy- ideas that are not heterodox or orthodox
242. adharma- unrighteousness
243.achroous- colorless
244.acersecmic- one whos hair has never been cut
245. acatalepsy- the unknowable nature of all things to precision
246. academicism- the theory that nothing can be known
247 abyssopelagic- depths of the ocean
248. abattoir- a public slaughterhouse
249. abactor- cattle-thief.
250. *******-speech-making intended for the mass-media
251. bumptious- offensively conceited or self-assertive
252.bummel-stroll leisurely journey
253. bullyrag- to assault with abusive language to badger
254.bullock- an ox or a castrated bull
255. bulimy- extreme hunger
256. bulbul- a gregarious songbird
257. bugaboo-loud or empty nonsense
258. bruit-something rumored widely
259. bromopnea- bad breath
260. babeldom- a confused sound of voices all at once
261.bagnio- a bathing house
262. bahadur- self-important official
263. baiseman- kiss on the hand
264. balatron- a joker or a clown especially if self-important
265.bambosh- deceptive nonsense
266. bantling- a brat or a ******* child
267. barbate-bearded
268. baragnosis- loss of ability to distinguish weight
269. barnard- a member of a gang of thieves that acts as a decoy
270.baryphonic- having difficulty speaking
271.battology- pleonasm, futile repetition in writing circumlocution
272. battue- indiscriminate slaughter an Aceldama without cause
273beldam- old woman, hag, ancestress
274. bellipotent-militarily powerful
275 belliferous- bringing war
276. benedict- a newly married man that has long been a bachelor
277. benet- exorcist
278 bethel- a place of worship for ******, a conventicle that teaches heterodox ideas
279 bewray- to betray, reveal or disclose a prized secret
280. bibacious- overly fond of drinking
281. biblioclasm- destruction of the bible
282. bibliognost- well-read individual person with wide knowledge of books
283.biblioklept- a stealer of books
284 bibulous- addicted to alcohol
285. biocentric- having life as the main principle
286.biognosy- general study or theory of life
287. bilious- ill-tempered or very unpleasant
288. billingsgate- coarsely abusive language
289. bilocation- ability to be in two places at once
290. binnacle- case where ships compass is kept
291. biogeny- vital essence or force
292. bionomics- study of organisms interacting in their environment
293.bismer- shame, disgrace, scorn
294. bisociation- association with one principle with multiple ideas sometimes two sometimes scores
295.blackguard- to vituperate and decry as a scoundrel
296. blandish- to flatter, coax, cajole
297.blarney- skillful flattery, nonsense
298.blench- to shrink or flinch
299.blehterskate- a garrulous talker of nonsense
300.blettonism- alleged ability to find an underground watter supply or an argosy of something hidden by clairvoyance
301. blissom- subject to or having strong ****** desires
302.bluestocking- an early feminist educated or literary woman
303. boanerges- a skilled speaker with a powerful stentorian voice
304.bodewash- cow dung
305 bodge- a piece of clumsy worksmanship or facture
306 bogan- quiet tributary or backwater
307 boggart- specter, bugbear, goblin
308 bolide- a large meteor that bursts a fireball
309 boman- a well-dressed criminal
310 bonification- paying a bonus or a reward
311. bonism- the doctrine the world is good but not perfect in the Panglossian sense
312. boodle- counterfeit money, means obtained by corruption
313.  borasco- a violent wind squall
314.borborology- a filthy talk that is burlesque
315. boscage- thick foliage or woodland extremely elegant prose or aureate poetry
316. boschveldt- bush country, wilderness of the intellectual imagination with acatalepsy challenged
317. bourasque- a tempest or stormy situation
318. boursocrat- a stock exchange official
319. bowery- a seedy or run-down district of a city
320. boyg- a problem difficult to come to grips with because it strain the imagination or writers block
321.brabble- to squabble or quarrel
322. brasero- a place where criminals, scoundrels traitors are burned alive
323. brassage- the difference in value in minting a coin and its value
324.breedbate- someone looking for an argument anywhere they can fetch it
325.brevet- commission to enable an officer to take a higher rank mobility
325.bridgewater- anything undesirable or worthless as of people or places
326.brio- enthusiastic vigor
327. Brocard- an elementary law or axiom that predicates a field for more complex synthesis and analysis
328.broch- luminous ring around the moon
329.bromidrosis- strong-smelling sweat or a rankling languor from work that effects other people with odium
330.broma- food or ailment
331. caboose- kitchen on the deck of a ship
332. cabotage- sailing or  flying to a destination that is domestic or in the same country
333.cachaemic- having poisoned or dysgenic blood to be eliminated from gene pool
334. cack- *******, worthless nonsense
335. cachet- mark of prestige, seal of approval from higher regnant authority
336. cacodoxy- bad opinion or wrong doctrine
337. cacogenics- study of racial degeneration from miscegenated lowlifes and guttersnipes
338. cacotopia- a place where everything is as bad as it can be
339. cadastre- record of ownership and value of property proof of IQ
340. cadge- to beg or sponge from another
341. caducity- being of a fugacious or temporary existence
342. caesarapopism- secular rule of a religious state
343.caitiff- base, cowardly and despicable
343 calando- slowing with gradually lowering volume as a fit of tears or mewling
343. calenture- tropical fever due to sweltering conditions anxiety around a hot woman
344. calescence- an increase in heat
345.callisteia- awards given for beauty
346. callithump- boisterous and noisy parade
347. calodemon- a good or propitious spirit
348. calvary- an experience of dreadful mental anguish
349.cambristy- science of international exchange
350. Camelot- a newspaper vendor
351. cameralism- mercantilism used a stranglehold for the leviathan to become an irrefragable mainstay inexorcisable
352. camisade- night attack
353. camorra- group united for treacherous, treasonous malfeasance or horrid ends
354. canter- someone who makes pretentious or affected statements that are hypocritical
355. cantonment- a small military town
356.cantative- of or pertaining to singing
357. captious- peevish ready to find faults breedbated
358. carking- imposing great hardship or pain like labor and such
359 carminative- relieiving flatulence making a brainfart
360. carnaptious- bad-tempered ill sullen mood
361.castophrenia- the feeling that thoughts are being stolen
362. casualism- the belief that chance is the governor of all things in an imperious way aleatory fatalism
363. catabasis- decline of a disease in a natural population
364. catadromous- migrating from fresh to salt water to spawn entering the dating world by engaging in brackish incalescence and philandering
365. catamite- boy kept for homosexual purposes among Greek pederasts
366. catasta- pedestal or stage for brutalizing slaves in public
367. catchpole- constable, sheriffs office
368 catechectics- teaching by question and answer
369. catena- series like a chain or sequence
370. cathexis- investment in emotional thought or idea or imago
371. cauponate- to engage in questionable or illegal activity in trade for material gain
372.centuple- hundred-fold increase
373. chaffer- to bargain or haggle.
374. chandelle- sharp upward turn in aviation or the stock market or ones personal fortunes
375.chantage- blackmail to prevent importunate calumny from percolating too widely especially if veracious
376. characterology- study of the development of a character in bildungsroman
377. charnel-room where corpses are placed
378. chicanery- clever but misleading talk, casuistry deception
379. chiliarchy- government by 1000 people vs. a myriarchy government by 10k
380. chiminage- toll paid for going through a forest (toll on explorers of deep intellectual ideas through gatekeepers)
381. chionablepsia- snow-blindnenss
382.  chirorocracy- government by physical force a brutal regime
383. chouse- to cheat or swindle
384.chrestomathic- pertaining to useful knowledge that can be applied in a discursive way for elaborative gains in comprehension rather than retreads of circumlocution
385.chyme-partially digested food or knowledge
386. cicerone- tour-guide
387.ciconine- of or pertaining to stocks
388. Cienega- a marsh or swamp
389. ciplinarian- one who teaches disorder like the Joker
390. circumduct- to cause to revolve around an imaginary axis as in conceptual gravity
391. circumforaneous- wandering around from market to market for best price
392. circumjacent- bordering on every side
393. clarigate- to declare war formally
394. clastic- able to be disconstituted into component objects
395. claustral- cloistered, secluded narrow-minded
396. claver- gossip
397. clavigerous- keeping keys around to extort people
398. cleronomy- inheritance
399. climacteric- a critical point in someones life
400. clinamen- inclination, bias, jaundice partiality
401. cliometrics- analysis of economic history using mathematics
402. clysmian- of or caused by a flood a pluvial torrent
403. coalize- to bring into a coalition
404.cockamamie- ridiculous incredible
405.cockshy- object of criticism or ridicule
406. codling- unripe apple or a city that is not formed right and needs some maturation
407. coeval- having the same duration in time
408. cogitabund- engaged in deep thought
409. collegialism- a theory that the church is separate from the state
410. compeer- someone of equal rank or stature
411.complicant- overlapping conceptually in latticework elegance
412. conceptualism- theory the universe exists solely in concepts
413. Comstockery- the suppression of lewd vices and ******* bowdlerization
414. conation- mental effort exerted in the pursuit of a goal or agenda
415. concetto- ingenious expression witticism
416. concinnity- harmony, elegance, congruity
417. conclamation- the shouting of many voices simultaneously
418. concubitant- marriageable age
419. Confiteor- prayer of confession of sin
420. congee- permission to depart
421. congener- something of the same type of nature
422. consciuncle- hair-splitting pedantic conscientiousness
423. consentient- unanimous
424. consecution-logical sequence or progression of an argument
425 constative- capable of being true or false
426. consuetude- custom or familiarity
427.contemper- to blend together for adaptation as in metaphor (to moderate by mixing)
428. contranatant- swimming upstream an uphill battle
429. contraplex- having messages passing both ways simultaneously
430. corrigendum-something that requires correction
431. cortinate- like a cobweb intricate and gossamer and interwoven by pesky urchins with byzantine aleatory design
432.coryphaeus- leader of a chorus the spokesman
433. cosmocrat- ruler of the world
434. cosher- to live on dependents
435.cosmotellurian- characteristic of both heaven and earth
436. cotquean- man who does womans work
437 counterblast- a defiant pronunciation or denunciation against the recriminations of evil
438. counterphobic- seeking out situation that is feared
439. cowcat- a person who exists to occupy space a goalie
440. crackjaw- hard to pronounce
441. crapehanger- a pessimist
442.credenda- things to be believed out of obligation
443. crimogenic- causing crime
444.cryptadia- things to be hidden from the public
445. cryptodynamic- having secret or hidden power
446. cryptogenic- of unknown origin
447. curiosa- pornographic books
448. cyanotype- blueprint
449.cyprian- lewd woman a *******
450. dacnomania- obsession with killing
451. dacoitage-robbing by a gang or a mob
452 daedal-formed with art, displaying inventive skill
453. dapatical-lavish:sumptuous, costly
454 darbies- handcuffs
455 darraign-to vindicate to justify or prove
456 dashpot-shock absorber
457. deadstock-farm equipment
458. deasil-sunwise motion
459. debel-to conquer in war
460. debellated-to conquer or overcome in a battle
461.debouch- to flow from a confined place
462.decarnate-denied or deprived of physical ****** form
463. decrassify- to make less crass or boorish
464. crass- without refinement in taste or sophistication, obtuse
464.dedition- surrender or capitulation
465. deek- to look at or see
466.defeasible- that may be annulled
467. defiliaton- depriving a parent of a child
468.definiens-word or words used in a dictionary definition
469.deflexure- deviation
470. deflocculate-to break down into small pieces
471. degringolade-rapid decline or decay: downfall
472. deipotent- having god like power
473 delaminate- to split into layers
474. delate- to pass on to charge with a crime
475 delenda- things to be destroyed or deleted
476 delignate-to remove wood from; deprive of wood
477delirifacient- to create delirium
478. delope- fire ones gun in the air in a duel
479. demarche- decisive measure taken in diplomacy
480. demegoric- pertaining to harangues by demagogues
481. dementi- official denial or refusal
482. demephitise-to purify air
483. demigration- change of abode
484.demisang- half-breed or hybrid
485. demiurge- creative spirit or entity
486. demology- study of human behavior
487. deodate- a gift to or from God
488. deosculate- to kiss affectionately
489. depayse- out of ones element or natural environment
490. deray- to go wild or derange
491. dexiotropic- moving to the right
492. diacope- a deep wound or incision
493. diestrus- a period of ****** inactivity
494. diffinity- lack of affinity
496. diphyletic-coming from two different ethnic groups
497.dippydo- someone who changes their mind often
498. dipsomania- cacoethes for alcohol
499. dirigisme- government controlin economic and social sphere
500. disembrangle- to free from dispute
501. disimmure- to free from walled captivity
502. disinure- to render something unfamiliar
503 disorbed- to be deprived on autarky or or authority or clarity of convictions
504. dittology- double-reading or interpretation
505. diutiurnal-lasting for a very longer time
506 docimasy-scrutiny through administering tests
507. dodoism- a stupid remark
508. dolee- someone who receives a government stipend
509. dompteuse- a female animal trainer
510. donnybrook- an uproarious brawl
511. donnism- self-importance
512 drollery- comic show, jest
513.  dreamery- a place habitable for dreamers (not illegals)
514. drygulch- to ****** by throwing off of a cliff
515. dramaturgy- perfoming dramatic stage productions esp. for broadway
516. dragoon- to compel by military bullying of chirorocratic force
517 dragoman- interpreter
518. dragonnade-perseuction by military means
519. drapetomania- urge to run away from home
520. doxographer- someone who adduces opinions and adds them to an onomasticon of sorts especially with respect to philosophy
521.  ducdame- a meaningless refrain
522. duende- the power to attract using personal charm
523. dulia- veneration of saints instead of God
524. durative- still inchoate having undergoing transformation
525. dumose- bushy
526.dwale- stupefying drink
527.  dysania- having a hard time waking up in the morning
528. dystocia- during childbirth
529. abderian- excessive cackling cachinnation or idiotic laughter
530 abecederian- a novice learning the alphabet
531. accidia- inability to think because excessive sadness
532. acrasia- acting against ones own best judgment
533 acronycal- occurring at sunset
534 aeolist- pompus windbag bombast who pretends elegance but is boring
535 aflunters- in a messy disordered state
536 agathocacological- containing both good and evil forces
537 agroof- flat on your face
538 alphamegamania- old man marrying younger bride
539. alychiphobia- a fear of failure
540. alytarch- a referee who enforces game rules
541. amrita- drink the endows immortality in Hinduism
542. anteric- vindictive spite against a former lawyer
543 apikoros- a jewish person that doesn’t follow jewish law
544, apocatastasis- a belief that all will be saved by God
545 aprosexia- inability to concentrate
546. aristophren- someone of ennobled intellectual ability
547 avetrol- an out-of-wedlock child or an illegitimate child.
548. apricate- to beaze under the sun
549. earwig-to pester with demands or eavesdrop (extortion)
550 ebriection- mental breakdown because of bibulous crapulence
551. ecbolic- serving as a midwife to birth or abortion
552. ecclesiastry- affairs of the church
553.ecdysiast-stripper
554. echinate- like a hedgehog, prickly
555. eclat- to make notorious
556.eclat (accent on first letter) publicity, dazzling effect foudroyance
557.ecmnesia- loss of memory for endemic period or epoch
558. ecophobia- fear of home
559. ecphonesis- theoretical exclamation
560. ecphrasis- low-level plain interpretation
561.egestuous- desperately poor
562. egoism- pursuit of self-interest is highest ideal
563. eigne- first born child
564 eirenism- peaceful state of mind
565 eisegesis- faulty interpretation of a text
566 elapid-pertaining to cobras
567.eluetherian- freedom giving
568 eleutheropomania- ardent about freedom
569 enantoniodroma- being replaced by somethings opposite
570. enceinte- pregnant
571 encraty- self-control
572. endlong-lengthwise
573. energumen- someone possessed by an evil spirit
574. engastrimyth- a ventriloquist
575 engouement- excessive infatuation
576 engrenage- series of decisions leading to an unspoken goal
577.enosimania- chronic obsession that one is sinner
578 entryism-joining a group to hijack the agenda and change policies
579 entelechy-perfect realization of ultimate goal or reason for existence
580. epeolatry- worship of words
581. epicene- having characteristics of both sexes
582.epicrisis-critical appreciation for literature
583. epimyth- leitmotif of a story especially a moral lesson
584. epulary- of or pertaining to banquets
585. equiparate-to treat or regard as equal as in ***, definition or philosophical ******
586.  equipollent- having equal power or force
587. eremite- hermit or religious recluse
588. erethism- abnormal irritability
589. ergasia- love of work
590 ergatocracy- populist government
591.eschaton- end of the world end-times
592 esemplastic-unifying diverse ideas into one a syncretism
593.esemplasy-the unifying power of the imagination
594. estaminet- small bar or café
595. estoppage- preventing litigation by censoring the internet
596. ethmoid- of or like a slave
597. estrapade- horse or bulls attempt to throw off a writer
598. eucrasy-statement of fitness or health physically
599. eudaemonism-ethical belief that happiness equates to morality
600. eumoireity-happiness due to chastity and moral virtue
601.eupathy- state of contentment
602.eupraxia- orthodox or correct course of action
603. euthenics- science about improving living conditions
604. eutrapely- wit and ease in conversation
605. badot- an idler who is silly
606.balbutiate- to stutter or stammer
607. ballicatter- ice that forms around docks or airplanes or rigid elements of cabotage
608.bawcock- a nice gentlemen
609. belgard- a sweet loving look for females at men
610. bibliopolist- a person that deals In rare books
611. blatteroon- a person with logorrhea cant stop talking
612. bonnyclabber- spoiled milk that has congealed
613. breem- female pig that wants to mater
614.  cacoepy- incorrect pronunciation of a word
615 cagophilist- a collector of keys
616 callet- a drab untidy woman
617calligyniaphobia- fear of attractive woman or askance around them
618 capernoited- slightly intoxicated on bibulous terms
619. celation- the act of hiding a pregnancy
620. chamade- a signal inviting negotiations
621. charette- intensive effort to complete something before the deadline
622 charientism- an artfully veiled insult
623. choregus- a financial banker in ancient Greece
624. chrisom- a child dying before baptism
625. chronomancy- deciding on the best time for something
626.chryselephantine- decorated with gold and ivory
627 cicisbeo-man with which a woman is having an affair
628. clapperclaw- to berate or scold with blackguarded billingsgate or obelization
629 clappedudgeon- a beggar from a family line of beggars
630. clepsammia- an hourglass that measures sand
631. cloffin- to sit idly by a fire
632. collieshangie- an uproar or frenzy a donnybrook but more muted, a quarrel
633. colporteur- someone who delivers books or bibles to people
634.colposinquanonia- measuring beauty based on breast size
635 comprachio- person who buys disfigured children to use as salesman
636 comestion- devoured by fire
637 comprivigni- relation of a child to its step-siblings
638 concionnative- pertaining to public speaking
639 consuetudinary- a guide to local customs for business purposes
640. cosmopoietic- world creating
641.costermonger- seller of fruits and vegetables
642. crambazzle- a worn-out old man
643. cretaceous- chalky or grayish white
644. crose- to whine empathetically with someone in pain in a zoological sense
645. cryptaesthesia- ESP
646 culch- *******, flotsam, trash garbage
647 cullion- a rude mean-spirited person
648.cyesolagnia- attracted to pregnant women
649 davering- walking or maneuvering in a dazed manner
650. deesis- supplication to a divine being
651. dejerate- to take a solemn oath
652 delitescent- to be hidden or concealed
653. demitoilet- a style of formal elaborate dress that is informal
654. dephologisticate- to make fireproof
655. deturpated -to defile or disfigure
656. dignotion- distinguishing mbark or feature a nevus
657 dikephobia- fear of justice
658 diophysitic- having two personalities
659. dippoldism- beating school children with cruel methods that are archaic
660. ditokous- producing twins
661. diurnation- to sleep during the day
662. dommerer- a beggar who pretends to be deaf or mute to garner support (a politician deigning)
663. doyenne- the eldest member in a group
664. doytin- to walk around stupidly and aimlessly looking mentally challenged
665. drawcansir- a person that kills both friend and foe or destroys his own cause while fighting his opponents
666.drazel- an immoral woman
667. dratchell- a slovenly, lazy woman
668. dringle- someone who likes to waste time
669. drizzen- bemoaning working hard a bleat of negotiosity sometimes of boursocrats
670 drogulus- something that can’t be identified or described because it is ineffable  without physical form or effects
671. druxy- meretricious appearance rotten inside
672. dudman- a scarecrow made of old clothes
673 dwizzen- to shrivel up like a fruit wizened with age
674. dysania- trouble waking up in the mourning
675.dysepulotic- not healing quickly enough
676. dyslogistic- expressing disapproval
677. dysteleologist- believes nature has no meaning and purpose
678 dyvors- bankers in disrepair after good names ruined by agiotage
679 eccaleobion- something which gives life like anabiosis or brings alive
680 echopraxia- immature parroting or aping of things they heard or people they witness
681 efter- a patron that robs people during a show
682 eisoptrophobia- fear of mirrors because of ugliness
683. emacity- urge to spend money
684 enchorial- belonging to a certain country
685 entheate- divinely possessed by a demiurge or god
686. ephorize- to having a controlling influence over militancy
687 epincion- victory song
688. Epirot- someone who lives far away from the coast unlike an orarian
689. esquivalience- unwillingness to perform a job asked of you
690. estrapade- horses attempt to remove the rider (or a bulls attempt)
691 eustress- stress related to a happy event
692. faffle- work that takes too long and produces substandard results
693. fangast- eligible for marriage among women concubinial nubile
694. fashimite- slave to fashion industry
695. feaque- a *****, lazy man
696 ferriation- taking time off of work to travel on holiday
697. fettler- a person skilled at repairing tools or machinery
698 fewterer- a kennel owner who keeps dogs around
699. finifugal- shunning the end of something’
700. flamfoo- girl in gaudy clothes thinking she is fashionable when its not
701. flaneur- an idle man that never works
702.flaneusse- woman who refuses to work
703. flosculous- pertaining to flowers
704 flothery- being drab, uncouth untidy while pretending parvenu fashions of the classy and proper
705 flyndrig- an impudent or deceiving woman
706. foison- a very bountiful harvest
707. franion- pleasure-seeker or hedonist
708. frigoric- mythical substances though to transmit cold
709 frustraneous- unprofitable and completely useless
710 fucoid- resembling sea-****
711 fustilug- a fat clumsy indolent slob
712fysigunkus- a person who lacks curiosity
713 facinorous- atrociously wicked
714 gaberlunzie- wandering hobo or beggar harmless
715 gallywow- a man who can’t have children
716 gamin(e)- homeless child male or female
717 gammerstang- tall awkward woman
718 gaum- to stare vacantly or handle clumsily
719 geck- an expression of scorn or discontent
720 genizah- a repository of banned books
721 gezellig- comfortable feeling around kin or friends
722. gigantomachize-to be at war with ones superiors
723 gigmania- smug obsession with obtaining middle-class stature
724 girouettism- changing ones opinion to match the vogue stance
725 glaikery- silly or foolish behavior
726 gnap- to criticize in an acerbic or biting way or tone
727 griffonage- sloppy handwriting
728 groak-to stare at someone hoping to get food
729 gubbertushed-to have bucked teeth or odontoloxia
730. guerdon- reward or payment
731. fallibilism- empiricial knowledge cannot be proven’
732. femicide- destroying anothers reputation
733. fandangle- pretentious tomfoolery
734. fanfaron- an empty boaster
735 fardel- anything cumbersome or irksome
736. farrow- to give birth to piglets
737 featous- shapely, well-made, handsome
738 favonian- pertaining to zephyrs or west winds
739 ferity- state of barbarism or savagery
740 ferule- cane or rod used in punishment
741 fescennine- marked by the use of vulgarity or obscene language
742. fideicide- the killer of a faith
743. finical- excessively precise in trivial matters
744. finitism- belief in finitude of universe or god
745 flagitious- grossly wicked, guilty of heinous crimes
746. flambeau- flaming torch
747 flamen- pagan priest
748 flammule- little flame
749 flannel- ostentatious nonsense
750 flaught- snowflake
751 fleer- to mock or jeer to make faces in contempt
752 footle- to waste time to act foolishly
753 foraminated- perforated with small holes
754 foreright- directly in front of
755 forfend- to ward off or avert
756forsifamiliate- to free from parental *******
757 formant- anything that demarcates or determines or limits or defines
758 fortuitism-evolution by random chance
759. fossarian- clerical person moonlighting as a gravedigger
760 fossor- gravedigger
761 fouter- to mess with aimlessly
762 fragor- a crash
763 frantling- mating call of a peacock
764 fremitus- vibration or rumbling
765 frescade- a cool walk a cool or shady place
766 frigolabile- susceptible to colds easily hacked
767. frogmarch- to carry an uncooperative drunkard or prisoner
768 frottage-rubbing for ****** gratification
769 froward- turned away, self-willed, unreasonable, perverse adverse uncooperative
770 fumatorium- place for smoking
771 fumet- the scent of game when high
772 fumiduct- smokestack
773 fundus- the bottom of anything
774 funest- deadly lamentable
775 furfur- dandruff or scurf
776. fustilarian- term of abuse
777. futtock- the rib of a ship
778. gabble- to talk inarticulately as in a baby
779. gabelle- a salt tax
780.gad- to wander about idly in search of pleasure
781 gadarene- headlong, precipitate
782 gadzookerie- the use of archaisms in literature
783. galanty- shadow play
784 gallionic- uncaring indifferent
785 gallomania- obsession with France
786. gammadion- a *******
787.gammon- to feign an action to produce a hoax
788. gangue- worthless rock where valuable metals occur
789. gangway- either side of the upper deck of a ship
790.gardyloo- warning cry
791. gaud- trick or practical joke
792. gauleiter- overbearing wielder of petty authority
793. gaumless- stupid, witless, vacant
794.gawdelpus- a helpless person
795 geist- spirit or intellectual inclination
796 gelogenic- producing laughter
797 genarch- head of family or clan
798. genesiology- study of heredity and genetics
799. gentilitian- belonging to a race or a clan
800. geofact- natural rock that looks like an artifact
801. geotaxis- response of an organism to gravity
802 geotechnics- study of increasing habitability of earth
803 gerdoying-imitation of a sound of a crash
804. gerent- one that rules or manages
805 giaour- one who doesn’t follow islam
806gilliver- wallflower
807 gimcrack- a trivial mechanism or trick
808 ginnel- narrow alley between high building
809. glebe-church land granted to clergyman
810. gleek- a trick or joke
811. gleet- disgusting STD mucous
812 gnomic- ignifying general truth
813 gnomonics- study of time using sundials
814 goetic- pertaining to black magic
815 goliardy- riotous or lustful behavior
816 gorsoon- boy-servant
817 gradgrind- one who regulates things based on stats
818 gramary- magic, enchantment
819 grapnel- small anchor used for dragging or grappling
820. grauncher- incompetent clumsy mechanic
821. graupel- frozen rain or snowflakes
822. gravamen- grounds for legal complaint, grievance
823. gregatim- in flocks
824. gricer- trainspotter or railway enthusiast
825.grimoire- magicians book for summoning spirits
826 grinagog- constantly grinning person
827grithbreach- breach of the peace
828.grobianism- slovenly boorishness
829. groundling- a person with inferior taste, commoner
830. gynics- knowledge of women
831 gyrovague- a monk who travels from place to place
832 habromania- insanity producing beatific delusions
833.hadeharia- constant use of word hell
834 haecceity- aspect of existence on which individuality depends
835 halation- blurring in photograph due to light reflection
836 hallux- big toe
837 hamartia- character flaw leading to downfall
838 handfast- a firm grip, a contract
839 hamshackle-to fetter or restrain
840. hardihood-boldness or audacity
841. harridan- sharp-tongued scolding woman
842. harry-to plunder, ravage destroy
843. hawkshaw- a detective
844.heapstead- buildings around a mineshaft
845.hebdomadally- every week
846. hebenon- anything with poisonous juices
847. hebephrenia- dementia in puberty
848 hecatomb- large sacrifice or slaughter of 100
849 hederaceous-pertaining to ivy
850. hednon- wedding present
851. heeler- worker for a local politican or political party
852. hegumene- head of a nunnery
853. heliofugal- moving away from the sun
854. heliosis- sunburn
855. helobious- living in marshes or moors
856. helotry- class of slaves
857hemitery- congenital deformity
858. henotheism- tribal belief in a god but not the oml one
859.heresiarch- leader of a heretical movement
860. heroon- temple of a hero
861. hetaera- paramour, *******, meretrix, concubine
862. heterochrony- divergence from normal time sequence
863. heterodyne- interference due to different wave frequencies
864. hexaemeron- six days of creation
865. hierodule- temple slave
866.hierology- the science of sacred matters
867. hieropathic-strong love of the clergy
868. hipped- offended, melancholy peevish
869. hobohemia- community of hoboes
870. holm- island in a river
871holocryptic- inscrutable undecipherable
872. holt- woody hill or grove
873. homolegomena- books of the bible used in early Christianity
874.hornbook- rudimentary treatise
875. hornwork-cuckoldry
876.houghmagandy- fornication
877. houndstooth- fabric with an irregular checked pattern
878.humgruffin- a terrible person
879. hyaline- glassy or transparent
880. hylarchic-ruling over matter
881hylicism- materialism
882. hyle-matter
883. hylogenesis- the origin of matter
884.hylozoism- the belief that everything is endowed with life
885.hymeneal- relating to marriage
886. hypaethral- roofless open to the sky
887.hyperarchy- excessive government
888. hyperborean- living in extreme north
889.hyerbulia- excessive zeal for activity or action
890.hyperemesis- excessive vomiting
891. hypobulic- weak-willed
892.hypogeiody- surveying underground
893. hypogeum- underground chamber
894. iatramelia- medical negligence
895 ibidem- in the same place
896.ichneumous- parasitical
897 ichnogram- footprint
898. iconoduly- worship of icons or images
899. iconophilism- obsession of pictures as a hobbie
900. ideogenous- of mental origin
901. ideopraxist- someone who is impelled to carry out an idea
902. ideoprone- spoken but not written
903 idolect-distinct form of speech
904 ideogeny-study of the origin of ideas
905. idiocrasis-intrinsic peculiarity or unique feature
906 idioglossia- private language developed between children
907. ignavia- laziness, laxity
908. ignosceny- forgiveness
909. illecebrous- enticing, attractive
910.illimitable- supreme infinitude
911. ignotism- mistake due to ignorance
912. illation- act of inferring from premises
913. immortelle- everlasting dried flower
914.immunifacient- causing immunity
915. imparlance- delay in pleading for amicable adjustment
916. impavid- fearless, undaunted
917. impennate- feathless, wingless
918. imperseverant- lacking the power to perceive
919.  impetrate- to obtain by entreaty, request or prayer
920. imponent- that which levies an obligation
921. impropriate- to appropriate for private use
922. incivism- neglect of duty as a citizen
923.imcompossible- incapable of coexisting
924.incondite- poorly constructed
925. incuse- impressed or stamped upon
926.  indifferentism- belief all religions are equally valid
927.  indiscerptible- unable to be separated
928. indite- to compose
929. induciae- peace treaty or armistice
930. induviae- persistent leaves on dead plants
931. infomania- obsessive devotion for obtaining facts
932.infumate- smoky blackened
933. ingeminate- to reiterate or redouble
934.ingerence- intrusion interference
935.ingle- a fire in a room fireplace
936indlenook- alcve by a large open fire
937. ingravescent- growing more severe
938. inlagation-pardoning an outlaw
939. innominate- having no name
940. inopinate- not thought of unexpected
941.inquinate- to corrupt or defile
942.inquierendo- authority to inquire into something
943. inscient- having little or no knowledge
944. insidiate- to conspire against or betray
945. insolate- to treat by exposure to suns rays
946. instanter- at once
947. intempestive- unseasonablem untimely inopportune
948.interamnian- between two rivers
949. interlunation-dark time between old moon and new
950. interrex- one who rules during an an interregnum
951. interrobang-!? Or ?!
952.intertesselation- a complex interrelationship
953. intorted- turned inward
954.inurbanity- lack of manners
955. invictive- insurmountable undefeated
956. ipseity- state of being oneself
957. iracund- inclined to become angry
958.iridal- pertaining to a rainbow
959. iridine- rainbowlike
960. iridize- to make iridescent
961.  irrecusable- that cannot be rejected
962. irredenta- clamoring for territory to be returned to natural fgroups
963. irreption-stealthy entrance subtle or creepy intro
964. isapostolic-equal or contemporary with the apostles
965. isagoge- academic intro to a subject
966. isochronous- having the same duration
967. isocracy- equal political power
968.ivresse- drunkenness
969. izzat-public esteem, honor
970. ivoride- iimitation ivory
971. isorropic- of equal value
972. isonomy- equal privileges under the law
973. joss- luck or fate
974. jongleur- wandering minstrel
975. jow- to ring a bell
976.jumboism- admiration for large things
977. jumentous- like a horse
978. kalon- beauty more than skin deep
979.kantikoy- to dance as a form of worship
980. kame-steep irregular ridge
981. karezza- prolonged *** avoiding ******
982. keck- to retch ro feel digusts
983.kedge- small anchor to keep a ship steady
984.keelhaul- to punish by dredging under the keel of a ship
985.keeve- large tub
986. kemb- to comb
987. kenodoxy- a love or study of vainglory
988. kermesse- cycle race held in an urban area
989. kickshaws- a worthless keepsake or article
990.killcow- a bully or a swaggerer
991.killcrop- a greedy insatiable baby, a changeling
992. kinematics- study of motion
993. kinetogenic- causing movement
994.knackish- cunning, crafty
995. knickpoint- discontinuity of a river because of an erosion curve
996. kriegspiel- a wargame to teach strategy
997.kritarchy -government by judges
998. kurgan- prehistoric burial mound
999.kyrie- religious petition for mercy
1000.kyriolexy- use of literal expressions
1001. agenhina- a guest at an inn
1002. labarum- moral standard; ecclesiastical banner bearing Christ’s monogram
1003. labefactation- a weaking decay: overthrow
1004.labiomancy- lip-reading
1005.labrose- thick-lipped
1006.labtebricole- living in holes
1007. lacertilian- pertaining to lizards
1008. lackaday- expression of regret or deprecation
1009.laconicum- sauna
1010. lacuna- a blank space or missing part
1011.ladronism- robbery and banditry
1012.laeotropic- turning to the left
1013.laetificate- to cheer one up
1014. lagan- wreckage or goods found at the fundus of the sea
1015.lagniappe- gratuity or a gift given
1016. laicism- opposition to the clergy or priests doctrine of protestants
1017. lairwite- fine given to married women for adultery
1018. lamister- fugitive
1019. lanai- private balcony in a hotel room
1020.lancination-sharp shooting pain
1021. lares- local roman gods
1022.largition- giving of largesse
1023.larithmics- study of population statistics
1024. larrup-to flog or thrash
1025. laterad- towards the side’
1026. laterigrade- moving sideways
1027.latipennate- having broad wings
1028. latitudinous- wide or broad interpretation
1029.latration-yelping or barking
1030. latria- highest degree of veneration assigned to God over saints
1031lavadero- place for washing gold ore
1032. laveer- to sail against the wind
1033.layette- babys complete set of clothing
1034. laxism- belief that an unlikely opinion might be safely followed
1035.lection-reading in church lesson
1036. legalism- belief that salvation requires adherence to the nomisitc law of seculars
1037. legicide- killer or destroyer of laws
1038. legist- person knowledgeable about the law
1039. leman- lover sweetheart or paramour
1040.lemures- spirts of the dead
1041. lemma- preliminary proposition, theme, argument or headword
1042.lendrumbilate- to gullibly believe in a words veracity
1043. lentiginose- minutely dotted, freckled
1044.lentor- sluggishness viscidity
1045. lepidine- composed of scales
1046.lepidity- facetious wit
1047 lethe- oblivion forgetfulness
1048.lethologica- inability to remember the right word
1049.lethonomia- tendency to forget names
1050.levant- to run away from a debt
1051. lexer- law student
1052. lias- fossil-bearin limestone
1053.liberticide- destruction of liberty
1054.libidinist- lewd person
1055.libken- place to sleep in
1056. libricide- killer of books
1057.libration- apparent oscillation of moons visible surface
1058.lickerish- lecherous, *****, greedy
1059. lido- open-air swimming pool or bathing beach
1060.lientery- discharge of chyme
1061.ligyrophobia- fear of loud noises
1062.limacine- pertaining to slugs
1063. limiculous- living in mud
1064.limitrophe- near the frontier or border
1065.limnetic- living in fresh water/pertaining to
1066.limosis- abnormally ravenous appetite
1067. lipsanographer- one who writes about relics
1068. literatim- letter for letter
1069. litotes- understatementby affirming negation of the contrary
1070. liturgician- one who studies church rituals
1071.liturgist- leader in public worship
1072. livedo- pathological blueness of skin
1073.loan-word- word borrowed from another language
1074.locanda- lodging house an inn
1075.lobcock- bumpkin, boor or lout
1076. lochetic- waiting in ambush
1077. locutory- room for conversation
1078.lodesman- pilot
1079. logice- in a logical manner
1080.logodaedaly- verbal legerdemain
1081. logomania- pathological loquacity
1082. logos- divine rational principle
1083.loimic- pertaining to the plagues or like a plague
1084.lollop- to bound about wildly
1085.longiniquity-remoteness
1086.longueur-period of dulnnes or teidum’
1087.lordolatry- worship of nobility
1088. lorgnon- an eyeglass
1089.lotophagous- indolent, lazy, dreamy feeding on lotuses
1090. lour- to look sullen or threatening
1091.lucifugous- avoiding light
1092. lucriferous- yielding profit
1093.ludibund- playful
1094. lunarist- one who believes the moon affects the weather
1095.lunisolar- pertaining to both moon and sun
1096. lustrate- to purify by sacrifice
1097. lychgate-roofed gate of churchyard
1098.lypemania- pathological mournfulness
1099.lyterian- indicating the end of a disease
1100. lythcoop-auction of household goods.
1101.  macadamize- to cover a road with small broken stones
1102.machair- low-lying sandy beach
1103. macrology- much talk  with little to say
1104. macroscian-one with a large shadow
1105. madescent- growing damp
1106. maculose- spotted
1107. maffick- to celebrate exuberantly and boisterously
1108. magisterium- teaching function of the Catholic Church
1109. magomancy- divination by magic or sorcery
1110. magpiety- garrulousness
1111. mainsail- principal sail
1112.malapert- bold, forward, saucy
1113.malism- belief the world is evil
1114.malison- a curse
1115.mamelle- a rounded hill
1116. mallosesmic- suffering from frequent and severe earthquakes
1117. mammothrept- spoiled child
1118. mandarism- government with large bureaucracy
1119.mandriarch- former of a monastic order
1120. mantology- fortune telling
1121. maquette-small model of something made on a large scale
1122.  marasmus- wasting away of the  body from malnutrition
1123. marrano- jew converted to Christianity to avoid persecution
1124. margaric- pearl like
1125.martext- ignorant preacher
1126.maskirovka- use of deceptive camouflage as a military stratagem
1127. mathesis- mental discipline, wisdom
1128.matinal- of or pertaining to the morning
1129.matriotism- love for country or other institution when regarded as mother
1130. malchus- short-cutting sword
1131. malefic- doing mischief, producing evil
1132. malgrado- notwithstanding
1133. mainour- the stolen goods found on a thief
1134. mammer- to stammer waver or be undecided
1135. mamzer- illegitimate child
1136. manciple- steward of college or monastery
1137. manqué- having ha unfulfilled amibition/ failing to achieve expectation
1138. margaric -pearllike
1139.maricolous- living in the sea
1140. martext- ignorant preacher
1141.  matroclinic- more like the mother than the father
1142.  maunder- to grumble, to drivel to mutter
1143.  mazy- dizzy. Confused
1144. mediagenic- able to produce a good image in the media
1145. medicaster- quack or charlatan
1146. meedless- undeserving, unrewarded
1147. megalography- art memorializing history
1148.megascopic- visible to naked eye
1149. melano- abnormally dark person or animal
1150. melismatic- florid in melody
1151.  memoriter- from memory by heart
1152. mentatiferous- telepathic
1153.  mereology- study of part-whole relationships
1154. meristic- divided into parts or segments
1155. mesocracy- government by the middle-class
1156.  mesquin- mean ungracious
1157. metage- official weighing of goods
1158.metagnomy- divination
1159. micrander- dwarf male plant
1160. micropolis- small city
1161. millitaster- solider without skill or ability
1162.milt- fish spawn
1163.mimature- mimicry
1164. minauderie- display of affection
1165. minimifidian- having the smallest possible degree of faith
1166. minimism- reduction of the dogma to the least possible
1167.minutious- paying undue heed to minutiae
1168.mirador- watchtower or belvedere
1169. miscegene- person of mixed racial heritage
1170. mistetch- bad habit
1171.mnemonotechny- a tactic to increase memory capacity
1172. mobilism- belief nothing is fixed
1173. modalism- belief the trinity are three modes of the same entity
1174.  modish- fashionable stylish
1175.mofussil- provincial rural
1176.mogigraphia- writing with difficulty
1177. mogilalia- speaking with difficulty
1178. mollycoddle- an effeminate man
1179. momilogy- study of mummies
1180.mondain- worldy fashionable o such a person
1181. monergism- theory that the holy spirit alone can act
1182. mongery- marketing or trafficking in discreditable ways
1183. monoculus-one eyed person
1184. monoideism- fixation on single thought or idea
1185. monophysitism- belief that cchrist was primarily divine but in human form
1186. monosy- separation of parts normally fused
1187. Montero- huntsman
1188. Montgolfier- balloon using fire for propulsion
1189.monticolous- mountain dwelling
1190. morbiferous- disease- bringing
1191.morcellate -to divide into smaller portions
1192. mordant- biting, caustic, incisive, corrosive
1193. morganise- to secretly do away with
1194. morgue- haughtiness or arrogance
1195. morient- dying
1196.  morigeration- deferent behavior
1197.morioplasty- restoration of lost parts of the body’
1198. morosis- pathological feeble-mindedness
1199.morphaen- of or like pertaining to dreams
1200. morse- walrus.
1201. nabalitic- churlish
1202. naissance- new development
1203 nancifully- in an effeminate manner
1204. nanity- some deficiency in a certain respect
1205 naos- inner cell of a temple
1206. napoo- to destroy or ****
1207 narcocracy- government by drug cartels
1208 narcose- hallucinogenic stupor
1209.narquois- mocking malicious
1210. narrowcast- transmit a program for a narrow audience
1211. narthex- small entrance or porch to a church
1212. naskin- prison
1213 natable- able to float
1214.natalitial- like a birthday
1215. naticide- killing your own child
1216. naturism- communal nudism
1217. naucify- to despise to hold in low esteem
1218.naufrague- a shipwrecked person
1219. naumachy- mock sea battle
1220. naupegical- relating to ship building
1221. navarchy- rulership of the seas
1222. nave- largest part of the church where congregation sits
1223.nebbich- colorless, inconsequential person
1224.nebulist- artist with indistinct lines
1225. necessitudinarian- determinist
1226.necrogenic- deriving from dead animals
1227 nefandous- abominable despicable
1228.nefastous- wretched, miserable
1229.negaholic- habitually pessimistic.
1230. pagophagia- eating ice
1231. palliard- a vagabond or drifter who sleeps in the hay in peoples barns
1232 pancratic- accomplished in many sports or disciplines
1233.panjandrum-self-important person with vainglory that thinks they are powerful
1234. pantagamy- married to everybody
1235. pantomancer- one who sees omens in every event
1236. pantophobia- fear of everything
1237. papabile- a candidate for pope or another high office
1238 papyrocracy- rulership by paperwork or the press
1239. parabolanus- a monk who treats diseases
1240. paradiorthosis-a false correction or addition of misconceptions to correct data
1241. paralian- one who lives by the sea
1242. paralipophobia- fear of responsibility
1243.paratersiomania- obsession with being a ******
1244. paravent- to shelter from the wind
1245. parergon- a second job or additional source of income
1246. parisologist- a person who uses ambiguous language
1247. parnel- mistress of a priest
1248. parrhesiastic- ability to speak freely
1249.parousimamania- an obsession with the return of Christ
1250. pasilaly- a universal language
1251. passulation- the act of drying up and turning into a raisin
1252. pastorauling- walking through fields with significant other
1253. pataphysics- the science of imaginary solutions or nonsensical philosophies
1254. patavinity- use of local slang when writing
1255. pathenophilia- the love of virgins
1256.pathognomy- the study of emotions or the physical response thereto
1257. pavonine- resembling a peacocks tail, iridescent
1258. pauciloquent- using as few words as possible
1259.peccatiphobia- fear of sinning
1260.pecunious- having a lot of money
1261. pedipulate- to operate with ones feet
1262. pedotropy- raising children properly
1263.peenge- complain with a whining tone crose
1264. pelagic- relating to open oceans
1265. peniaphobia- fear of poverty
1266. penotherapy- control of prostitutes to prevent STDS
1267. peramene- very pleasant
1268. percontation- a question or inquiry
1269. perculsion- extreme shock or concern
1270. perendinate- to delay indefinitely
1271. perfuncturate- to do a task in a careless manner
1272.periblebsis- a wild look accompanying delirium
1273.periclitate- to endanger or risk of danger
1274. perissopedics- dealing with gifted children
1275. pernoctation- staying up all night working
1276. pervulgate-to publish something
1277. phagomania- insatiable hunger
1278 pharisee- a very self-righteous person
1279. phanerolagnist- a psychologist studying human lust
1280. phasmophobia- fear of ghosts
1281.phenakism- an act of treachery or cheating
1282.phengophobia- fear of sunlight or the sun
1283.philalethist- a lover of truth
1284. philocalist- a lover of beauty
1285.philocubist- lover of dice games
1286.philodespot- lover of tyranny
1287.philodox-lover of ones own opinions
1288.philogeant- lover of everything on earth
1289.philographer- collector of autographs
1290. philogynist- lover of women
1291.philoneist- lover of fads or trends
1292. philonoist- someone who is seeking knowledge
1293. philoprogeneit- the love of your own children
1294. philosophunculist- someone who pretends to know more than they really do know to impress
1295.philoxenist- someone who loves to entertain strangers
1296.phobanthropy- fear of humanity in general
1297.phonocamptics- science of echoes
1298. phronemophobia- fear of thinking
1299.phrontistery- a place for study or concentration or contemplation
1300.phudnik- irritating person with a PhD.
1301.physitism- worship of nature
1302.pickthank- a sycophant or yes man
1303.pilosism- excessive hair
1304.pilpul-debate among rabbis about the Talmud
1305. pismirism-saving of every bit of money such as hoarding
1306.placophobia- fear of tombstones
1307.planomania- urge to roam
1308.pleionosis- the habit of exaggerating ones own importance
1309.plenilune- time of the full moon
1310.plevisable- able to be bailed out of jail
1311. plongeur- one who washes dishes for a living
1312.plousiocracy- government by wealthy and elite
1313. pococurante- insouciant or indifferent
1314.podlec- bad person who inspires contempt and hatred
1315.poinephobia- fear of punishment
1316.pollarchy- rulership by the mob
1317. polydipsia- excessive thirst either literally or figuratively
1318. polyandry- marriage to several men
1319. polylogize- to talk excessively
1320. polyloquent- someone who can talk about a multitude of subjects with mastery’
1321. pomology- study of how fruit grows
1322.ponerologist- one who expounds on the evils of nature
1323. ponophobia- fear of overworking
1324. posology- area of medicine dealing with dosages
1325. precibal- before dinner
1326. preterition- theory that God has predecided who he will save and will neglect everyone else
1327.preternuptial-after the marriage
1328.preterpluperfect- more than perfect
1329. proficuous-advantageous and useful
1330.prosophobia- fear of progress
1331.psaphonic- preoccupied with planning your ascent to wealth
1332.psephology- study of political elections
1333.pseudoautochiria- a ****** made to look like a suicide
1334. psithurism-the sound of the wind around rustling leaves in the forest
1335.psychomancy- divination by talking to the dead
1336. psychopomp- one who leads the spirits of the dead and the living on a righteous course
1337.ptochocracy- a government by the poor
1338.puellaphilist- one who loves girls
1339.pule- to complain like a small child
1340.pullulate- to breed rapidly to overpopulate
1341.pyrrhonist- an extreme skeptic who accepts nothing at face value
1342.pysmatic- always questioning or inquiring
1343.pythogenic- coming from garbage
1344 ecocentrism- a philosophy or perspective that places intrinsic value on all living organisms and their natural environment, regardless of their perceived usefulness or importance to human beings.
1345. subitize- rain-. ain caliber skills at counting or assizing
1346 shivaree- m a mock serenade with kettles, pans, horns, and other noisemakers given for a newly married couple; charivari
1347. manqué- having failed, missed, or fallen short, especially because of circumstances or a defect of character; unsuccessful; unfulfilled or frustrated (usually used postpositively): a poet manqué who
1348. garbology- the study of the material discarded by a society to learn what it reveals about social or cultural patterns
1349. prorogue- to discontinue meetings of a group without dissolving it
1350 . prosopography-a description of individuals life character or physical form.
1351. paciferous- peace-bringign
1352. pais- a place where people are selected to be drawn
1353. palatine- having royal authority over a region
1354.paideutic- educational method or theory
1355. paludism- marsh-fever , malaria
1356.palzogony- foreplay
1357.pamphyticism- doctrine that material is the overriding force in reality
1358. panaesthesia- a totality of perception
1359. panarchy- universal rule or dominion
1360.panaestheticism- theory that matter might inhere with consciousness
1361 pancosmism- theory that only the material universe exists
1362.panegyry- religious festival or grand assembly
1363. panmixia- the cessation of natural selection
1364. pansophy- universal knowledge
1365. pentarchy- world government
1366. pantoglot- speaker of all languages
1367 raith- quarter of a year
1368 ratomorphism- belief that all human sapience translates to animals some if not all
1369.rectalgia- pain in the ***
1370.recumbentibus- a sockdolager a knockout blow
1371 rememble- a false memory
1372. repine- to express discontent or longing
1373.rhabdophobia- the fear of magic
1374. roil- to make muddy or disturb sediment
1375 roorback- a fake news story to discredit a political opponent
1376 sabaism- worship of stars
1377. salariat- class of society earning salaries
1378.salebrosity- uneven and roughness
1379. samizdat- illegal writing by political dissenters
1380. sandapile- coffin
1381. sapphism- the state of being lesbians
1382. saprogenic- causing rot or decay
1383. sarcinarious- able to carry a heavy burden
1384. sardanapalian- luxuriously effeminate
1385.sarmassophobia- fear of love play
1386. Sarvodaya- an idealized society with no class system
1387. satisdiction- saying everything needed to be said
1388.satrapess- a petty tyrant of an official
1389. saxify- to turn to stone or rock.
1390.scabilonian- a disliked garb that is tacky
1391.scacchic-pertaining to chess
1392.scaldabanco- a priest with a fiery sermon
1393.scelestious- evil or wickedness
1394. scholaptitude- natural ability to be a scholar
1395.scollardical- an insult for sophomaniacal intellectuals who brag
1396.scopolagnia- pleasure gained by a ******
1397.selachostomous- shark-mouthed
1398. semelparous- having only one child
1399. senectitude- old age
1400.sepicolous- living in bushes or hedges
1401.shanachie- person who enjoys regaling stories or legends
1402. shurocracy- a government based on consensus
1403.shunamitism- rejuvenation of an older man by a younger woman
1404. silentium- a place where silence is enforced
1405. sithcundman- oldest resident of an area
1406.skoptsy- self-castration
1407.skookum- first-rate or the best
1408.slubberdegullion- a churlish boor a slob
1409.smatchet- a small nasty person or child
1410. smellfungus- a person who finds fault with everything or one
1411. snirtle- suppressed laughter
1412. solivagant- wandering all alone
1413. sodality- an organization or group
1414.somnifuguous- something that prevents sleep
1415. sophrosyne- wise moderation and prudence and good sense
1416 spaneria- a place with few men
1417.spanogyny- a place with few or no women
1418. sparge- to moisten by sprinkling with water
1419.sphallolalia- flirtatious talk that leads nowhere
1420. spindrift- an ocean spray which is blown by the wind
1421. spuddle- to treat minor business as though it were important
1422.squirearchy- government by landed gentry
1423.stafador- a fake or an impostor
1424. stagiary- student of law
1425. stalko- poor man who pretends riches
1426.stenotopic- one can only live in a very limited environment
1427. stichomancy- random passages from bible divination
1428. stratocracy- government formed by the military
1429.stupration- the **** of a ******
1430. stygiophobia- a fear of hell
1431.succedaneum- an acceptable but inferior substitution
1432. symposiarch- master of ceremonies
1433.syndyasmia-  open marriage where both are free to philander
1434. syntality- the predictable behavior of a social group.
1435. tachophobia- fear of speed
1436. tachydidactic- being taught rapidly
1437 tanquam- person educated enough to attend college
1438. tantony- one who always follows others
1439. tantrels- people who refuse to get a job
1440. tarassis- male equivalent of hysteria
1441. tartarology- study of hell
1442.tatamae- something agreed on publically but not privately
1443.temulentia- advanced drunkenness verging on unconsciousness and blackout
1444.tentiginous- full of lust
1445.theanthropism- belief in union of divinity and carnality (divine and human)
1446.theocristic- anointed by God
1447.theocrasy- worship of different gods
1448. theogamy- marriage between gods
1449.theoktony- the death of God or god
1450.theologoumenon- individual opinion on God or divinity
1451. theomastix- divinely ordained disaster
1452.theomicrist- one who mocks god
1453.theoplasm- the stuff gods are made of
1454. theophany- divine manifestation
1455.timmynoggy- a device that saves time or labor
1456. timocracy- government of honorable people
1457.tirocinium- a soldiers first battle
1458. tomecide- murdering a book
1459.tregetour- a street magician or juggler
1460. tropoclastics- science of changing habits
1461. turpitude- a shamefully wicked act
1462.tycolosis- accident prevention
1463. tyrophilia- love of cheese
1464.tziganologist- one who studies gypsies or their culture.
1465. wagtail- an obsequious person or a harlot
1466. wallydrag- a feeble or worthless person or animal
1467. walm- to spout or boil up
1468.wanhope- despair
1469.wanion- ill-luck misfortune
1470. wankle- unstable or unsteady
1471. wanze- to decrease or waste away
1472.  wasm- an outdated policy doctrine or theory
1473.waygone- exhausted from long travels
1474.waywiser- instrument for measuring mileage traveled
1475.weirdward- bordering on supernatural
1476. welter- turmoil or chaos
1477.whangam- an imaginary animal
1478.whemmle- to overturn to throw into a state of disorder
1479. wieldless- unmanageable
1480.wilder- to cause to stray
1481.windlass- circuitous movement , indirect action
1482. winterkill- to **** by exposure to cold
1483.witeless- blameless
1484.witwanton- to engage in irreverent wit
1485.womanthrope-hater of women
1486. wondermonger- one who promises miracles
1487.wonderwork- prodigy, miracle, thaumaturgy
1488.wone- custom, dwelling place or habit
1489. woolage- untidy hair
1490.woopie- well-off older person
1491.workshy- hating or avoiding work
1492.worksome-industrious
1493.worricrow- hobgoblin or scarecrow
1494.wrackful- destructive
1495.wretchock- the weakest of a breed
1496.wynd- narrow street or lane.
1497. Nuncle- to defraud
1498. Numquid- an inquisitive person
1499. Nubilate- to obscure
1500. Nowise- not at all
1501. Novercal- fear of one’s step mother
1502. Noxal- wrongful injury by animal or object of another
1503. Novantique- both old and new as a reparation of an ill-served problem
1504. Novalia- lands broughten under new cultivation
1505. Noometry- mind measurement
1506. nonpareil- of the utmost elegance or superlative stature
1507.noosphere- sum of human intellectual activity
1508. normalism- the state of being normal
1509. nosophobia- fear of disease
1510. nostrification- acceptance at a foreign university
1511. notalgia- back pain
1512. nothingarian- person who has no particular belief
1513 notarikon- making words from letters from someones sentence
1514. nomism- belief moral conduct comes from observance of laws
1515. nomocracy- a government based on the rule of law
1516 nocicepty- susceptibility to pain
1517. noema- stating something obscurely for others to figure out
1518. nexility- compactness of speech
1519. neritic- belonging to shallow waters near land
1520. neoteny- presence of puerile qualities among adults
1521. neorama- interior view of a building
1522. Neonomianism- the feeling that gospel abrogates existing laws
1523. obiter- in passing incidentally
1524. objectivism- the theory that all reality is objective
1525. objuration- the act of binding by an oath
1526. obmutescent- persistently silent
1527.obsecrate- to beseech or implore
1528. obtenebrate- to cast a shadow over
1529. obvolute- overlapped or twisted
1530. olid- rank smelling
1531.oligomania- an obsession with a few thoughts or ideas
1532. olivet- artificial pearl
1533. omniety- the state of being all (allness)
1534. omnigenous- of all kinds
1535. omniparity- general equality
1536 ontal- of like or pertaining to reality or existence
1537 operose- laborious or tedious
1538. ophelimity- ability to please sexually able to satisfy
1539. ophiuran- brittle star
1540. opiniaster- one who holds onto an opinion despite castigation
1541.optative- mood describing desire or wish
1542.orbific- creating the world
1543.orchesis- art of dancing and rhythmic movmenet
1544. orthodromics- sailing by most direct route
1545. orthian- high-pitched
1546. orthotropism-vertical growth
1547. ostiolate- having an opening
1548 otarine- pertaining to seals
1549 otosis- mishearing of speech
1550. outmantle- to exceed in dress or ornament
1551.outrance- the utmost extremity the bitter end
1552.outroop- auction
1553overflush- superfluity
1554.overhaile- to overtake or overpower
1555. owlery-place frequented by owls
1556. oxyacaesthesia- extreme sharpness of the senses
1557. parvanimity- smallness of mind
1558. parviscent- having little knowledge
1559. passiuncle- a lesser or minor passion
1560. pasigraphy- a system for universal writing
1561. patibulate- to execute by hanging
1562 patibulary- of or like the gallows
1563. peccable- liable to sin
1564. pedententous- proceeding slowly
1565. peirastic- experimental or tentative
1566. pejorism- severe pessimism
1567. peradventure- possibly
1568.percoct- well-cooked or overdone
1569. percurrent- running through the whole length
1570. percutient- having the power to strike or striking
1571. peregal- fully equal
1572.perenate- to survive from season to season on grumbling crumbs
1573.perruquier- a wigmaker
1574. perse- ark blue or bluish grey
1575. perseity- independent existence
1576.perpend-to weigh in the mind, to consider carefully
1577. personalism- the belief that all humans possess spiritual freedom
1578. personalia- personal details possessions or stories
1579. perstringe-to constraint, to censure
1580 pessimum- point of life least favorable to circumstances
1581. phanopoeia- visual imagery in poetry
1582. pharos- lighthouse or beacon
1583. phenogenesis- origination of racial groups
1584. philippic- a speech or writing full of bitter condemnation
1585. philistine- materialistic in outlook uncultured
1586. philocaly- lover of beauty
1587 philter- love potion or charm
1588. phonophorous- transmitting sound waves
1589. photaesthesia- sense of vision
1590.phototonus- sensitivity to light
1591.phrenesis- delirium or frenzy
1592. phylactic- defending against disease
1593. phylarchy- government by a certain class or tribe
1594. picine- resembling woodpeckers
1595.piend- a salient angle
1596 pigmentocracy- government by one skin color
1597.pigsconce- blockhead
1598. pigwash- ******* nonsense or poppycock
1599.pilgarlick- poor wretch; self-pitying person
1600. pisteology- science or study of faith pistiology
1601. placet- vote of assent in a governing body
1602. plafond- decorated ceiling
1603. planster- petty or poor planner
1604.plashy-full of pools or puddles marshy or boggy
1605. plebania- mother curch having authority over several other local churches
1606.plenum- space completely filled with matter
1607.pleonexia- greed or avarice
1608.pleroma- fullness and abundance
1609. plexus- network
1610. plexure-networ, web interweaving
1611.plutonomy- economics
1612poculation- drinking of alcoholic beverages
1613. poculent-fit for drinking
1614 pogonip- dense fog of suspended ice particles
1615.pogonophile- lover of beards
1616.pokerish- causing terror, uncanny
1617.poivrade- pepper sauce
1618.polemology- the study of war
1619. politicide- killing people based on political beleifs
1620. polyacoustic- amplifying sounds
1621.polyergic- having many functions  
1622. polydemic- native to several countries
1623. polyhistor- a person with exceptionally wide knowledge
1624.polyphiloprogenitive- very fertile very imaginative
1625. polypharmacy- the treatment with many medicines
1626. polyopia- multiple vision
1627. polypsychic- having several souls
1628.polysemant- a word with a variety of meanings
1629.pontist- bridge-builder
1630. popinjay- conceited person
1631. popple- to flow tumblingly to heave choppily
1632.porlocking- irritating intrusion or interruption
1633.porphyrogenitic- of royal birth
1634. portreeve- mayor
1635.postcenium- the part of the stage behind the scenery
1636. postulant- a candidate for a religious order
1637. potager- garden laid out to outmantle
1638.pother- choking smoke or dust, fuss, commotion
1639. potomania- alcoholism
1640. poudrin- small ice crystals
1641. pourboire- tip or gratuity
1642.pragmatica- royal edict that has nomothetic force
1643. pratal- grown in meadows
1644. preceptive- concerning rules of conduct law or precepts
1645. preciation- evaluation of value or price of thing
1646. preconcert- to settle beforehand
1647. pregustation- foretaste
1648.predestinarianism- the theory that time is fixed in design nothing can change
1649.predevote- foreordained
1650. prefulgent- extremely bright
1651. premotion- divine impulse determining the will
1652. premundane- period before earth existed
1653. prepone- to schedule earlier
1654. probabilism- belief that knowledge is probable but not certain
1655.procacity- petulance and insolence
1656procellous- stormy
1657. pro rata-proportionally
1658. probabiliorism- when in doubt one must choose most likely answer
1659. projectionism- some qualities are a mental projection
1660.proleptical- prehistoric
1661 profectitious- derived from a parent or ancestor
1662. prosodemic- contagious or infectious
1663. prosit- toast to good health
1664. protogenic- formed at the beginning
1665.guttersnipe-evil
1666. gawdelpus- evil
1667protervity- peevishness wantonness
1668.protistology- study of protests
1669. proreption- creeping attack or secretive advance of troops
1670. protensive-extensive in time or length
1671. protopathy- first or direct experience
1672. protoplast- original ancestor
1673.proxysm- close or near relationship
1674.pruritus- itching of the skin
1675. pseudography- inadequate spelling
1676. pseudolalia- incoherence of speech
1677.psilanthropism- the denial of Christ’s divinity
1678.psilosophy- shallow philosophy limited knowledge
1679. psychagogue- conductor of souls to the underworld
1680. psychalgia- mental pain or distress
1681.psychiasis- healing of the soul
1682.psychism- belief in a universal soul
1683.psychogony- development of mind or soul
1684.psychosophy-doctrine or theory of a soul
1685.psychorrhagy- separation of soul from body
1686. psychotaxis- alteration of mental outlook to suit personality
1687. psychurgy-mental function operation or energy
1688.pauperization- product of beggars (ptochogony)
1689.pucelage- virginity
1690.puericulture- child-rearing
1691. purlieu- persons usual haunts a neighborhood
1692.purpresture- encroachment on public property
1693.pushful-energetically enterprising
1694. pusillanimous- cowardly having a weak character
1695.putanism- prostitution lewdness
1696.pyrosis- heartburn
1697.pyrrhotism- state of being red-haired
1698. adiaphoron- something someone is theologically indifferent to
1699.anchorite- one withdrawn from the world for religious reasons
1700 archimandrite- head of monastery or convent
1701. autocephality- ecclesiastical self-government
1702. autotheism-belief that one is god incarnate or Jesus Christ
1703. auto-da-fe burning of a heretic
1704. calotte- a roman catholic skullcap
1705. camerlengo- a papal treasurer
1706. canticle- short holy song or sung prayer
1707. cartulary- keeper of monastic records
1708 catabaptism-belief in wrongness of infant baptism
1709. churchism- devotion to church rules over religious precepts
1710. compaternity- spiritual relationship between childs parents and godparents
1711. credo- concise statement of doctrine
1712. deodate- gift from god
1713. dyotheletism- belief that Christ had two wills
1714.ecclesiastry- affairs of the church
1715. epiclesis- calling on the holy spirit to consecrate the Eucharist
1716. eschaton- end of the world end-time
1717. exequy- funeral rites
1718.florilegium- anthology of writing by church fathers
1719. hassock- kneeling cushion in a church
1720. hieratical- priestly bound by religious convention
1721. housel- the Eucharist
1722. hyperdulia- veneration of ****** Mary above saints and angels
1723. jubilate- third Sunday after easter
1724.kirking- the first attendees after getting married
1725. Magnificat- canticle in praise of ****** mary
1726.manciple- steward of a college or monastery; purveyor
1727 monophysitism- belief that Christ was primarily divine but in human form
1728.monotheletism- belief Christ only had one will
1729. mystagogical- relating to religious initiation
1730. orison-prayer
1731. Parousia- the second coming of Christ
1732.passalorynchite- religious person who takes a vow of silence
1733. pericope- a passage read in liturgical ceremony (excerpt)
1734. pietism- unquestioning dogmatic devotion
1735. pneumatophany- appearance of a spirit especially the holy ghost
1736pneumatomachy- denial of divinity of holy ghost
1737. prebend- stipend for clergymen
1738 pseudepiscopy-  existence or rule of a spurious bishop
1738. rasophore- low ranking monk for Greek Orthodox
1739. requiescat – prayer for the dead
1740 rogation- asking for supplication especially ecclesiastically
1741. rood- cross or crucifix at the entrance of a church
1742. sacramentarianism- belief that sacraments have unusual powers
1743.sacrarium- a place where sacred objects are kept
1744.sigillum- the seal of confession
1745. simony- buying or selling ecclesiastical offices
1746 shrive- to hear a confession and give absolution to
1747. synod- council or assembly of religious people
1748 terce- prayer held at 9am
1749. theodidact- one who is taught by God a student of God
1750. theody- hymn in praise of God
1751. tremendum- feeling of ovewrhelimg awe associated with religious experience
1752. tritheism- belief members of trinity are separate Gods
1753. tropology- figurative language, moral interpretation of the bible
1754.ubiquitarianism- a belief that Christ is everywhere
1755. ultramontane- south of the alps supporting the pope
1756.undercroft- a crypt or vault under a church
1757. verger- church usher and attendant
1758 vicegod- derogatory term for the pope
1759 frankalmoign- land tenure requiring religious obligations on part of tenant
1760 galilee- porch in front of church
1761. eremite-hermit, religious recluse
1762. euchology- prayer book
1763. quizzacious- satirical
1764. quoz-absurd person or thing
1765.quoniam- female genitals
1766. mollycoddle-evil
1767. quod- prison
1768. quisquilious- made of *******
1769quisquous-perplexing, difficult to deal with
1770. quilombo- foreign settlement where slaves hide or fugitives
1771.  quidlibet- minor trivial point in argument
1772. quidditative- quirky, eccentric
1773. quiddle- a fastidious person
1774. questmonger- guy with job to collect inquests
1775.querulist- one who complains
1776. quantulate -to calculate the magnitude of
1777.quantulum-small quantity
1778.quantuplicity-relative magnitude of a quantity
Neologisms Part 1
1779Nauclatic (fairgoers): The deeply spiritually intertwined with nature just being introduced to the comforts of civilization
1780Rengall: Reified by concrete effrontery in discovery (Indiana jones)
1781flagstall: to lose national unity because of corruption
1782Escraven: timid in the usage of secret terminology
1783Glaggle: impress with gobbledygook that is divorced from substance
1784 Flagstag: an undue importance of inconsequential elections
1785 Fritty: someone who wastes their time
1786Gollumny: covetousness for a talisman
1787Akabu: deserted time-travelers stranded in the future or the past
1788kloffen: A placid body of water
1789Hermallop: dumping an uglier woman for a hotter one
1790 Radiohoo: fake top secret rap and pop music
1791 Radioglare: Menacing threats by objectionable musical trends
1792 Aushehotaria: Having an O.B.E. relationship
1793Wickersnatcher: Stolen time travel pirate goods/pirates
1794Slalem: navigating the esoteric in common contemplation
1795scroogid: Spoilsport based on false expectations
1796 Xenucography: Cryogenic attempts at eternal life
1797 Qwersy: too popular to be ****** with
1798Minimasque: No ***** given about poor people
1799Oxyholotron: specious time travel paradox
1800 Errid: poor mismanagement that leads to drought
1801 wavesnatcher: chronic pirate of obscure music
1802Niminal: sea monster of pain
1803Retrude: introducing obsolescence that is unplanned
1804Qart: art apportionment among museums
1805Grimsuetude: Morose temperament impaired deeply
1806Qwestun: Cast System of Extras
Vilium: Missing obvious ****** opportunities
Veridium: Success with women
laskerade: Free-for-all euphoric party
seguage: Connections among times
Hortosynchrony: simultaneously played chants
Vangermyte: Sycophant NSA agents that cozy up to the stock market
Primitude: first in line
primiventure: first expedition
quilldoten: keep it on wax
jengadangle: arbitrage based on financial collapse or playing the VIX
Chrenodendron: Ancient Time Traveler
Chrenodamiange: Near future time traveler to the past
Chrenoid: seen a time machine before
Chrystrenic: The pacification and mollification of sentiment
Jakatta: wisdom of the disguiseans
ugmentum: bad trends continuing
Jocknee: To worship sports
Hackencrude: Stupid vituperative pornographic sentiments
Gullarge: a large unassailed lie fed by the media
glawson: To browbeat with nepotism in legal cases
virecreant: A male person that never flirts with women
hollertrap: Announcing non-neutrality in a world that is divided
qwink: *** between celebrities
qwasthink: an intricate pattern of visualized words
Trocket: Synergized tree-minds meeting in one body
Squirebell: A formal diplomat
Yessurp: Codeine addict
Matrhine: A smart German
poiliosis: a fake disease that is artificial
Dubois: A teed to the nines gangster that robs the corrupt blind
Flissoid: Gloss, beauty, eloquence but nasty personal hygiene among women
Reskig: Sparing animals from painful slaughter
Salug: a salute that hurts your reputation
rainshod: oppressive cold winters in pacific nw
tinjesk: Poker-Faced villain
qwiss: Orgiastic non-contact make-outs
repcrevel: Venality on Wall-Street and the Capitol Building
drass: Useful lingerie
pinhoke: Cause an idea or a campaign to sink
ribbacle: A shibboleth of pretended intellect
fuly: auras of lightning on LSD
renvard: auras of synesthesia
plackique: sports memorabilia
ponkoss: beach-dweller
klipfrag: ancient movie footage
skrimch: haunted cities
roerik: kingpin of secrets
wespian: breezy fall leaves
rintinole: covert voyeurism
qaest: a fake life to replace a real one
brumble: fight among drunk people
bilkey: knowledge about the stock market insider information
wreggle: blackwashing history
hoyjoipolloi: free drugs and bubble-gum for every Canadian
qwartion: wicked schemes that involve abortion and clones
flipcrave: switching  drug cravens (tim tebow)
teaboat: to be aboard a flailing vessel before it gets ransacked by reason and logic
sollow: hollow and sadness percolating over a victim
strollow: people evil enough to deserve being alone
chenkenwhich: prestidigitation in fake time travel
glickstorm: a hail of gay ******* rick-rolling
wrikpond: The betting pool aggregate form at any casino
histeriological:someone who understands historical trends
tribance: Prerogatives of esoteric knowledge handed down to native americans
hilswop: changing nearby universities
slore: lore for mentally handicapped people
rigamorhole: the information about where elite people hang out
qazz: gurgling soda down
pleckigger: An agricultural apportionment of land that is rational and logical
Ruby-Tuesday-blues: song meaning
halliformatic: person who goes to heaven
squalorformatic: a person who goes to agony
fitterformatic: borderline on both
syvil: nurturing old people
jeccha: democrat trap
oinslew: a large catholic family
erlap: a short confiment
tawy: chewy and sweet
pordeg: high degree mason that is poor
kallince: shrieking with terror at movie theater
groussaints: best house music
rindkline: best EDM
wrepolis:city owned by musicians
ilkengor: similar military strategies
qwarth: wars fought for vain reasons
bracking nudes: ugly women naked *******
swarp: time warp speed
swarpollock: nonsensical UFO lie
WHOLOGANS: spies that always attend international matches between rival countries that get the best information
Gilvaringe: habitual injector of methamphetamine
webbdoodle: decline of kinesiology because of technology
twatterclap: frustration with writing
grangull: witty yet naïve
dormitage: finding the best AirBnB and roommate
wayspaying: reckless neutering of men by feminism
wartle: a slow war by a pathetic guerilla enemy
tranception: communication of souls in eternity
rittle: a mind-teaser for dumb people
Minkumpf: a book on animal genocide
pregromanging: predictive programming about cool fashions in the future
Shilluminatus: a fake illuminati person
Ralphiesque: Someone on the wrong side of history
cognoscenti: real illumination
whasper: Ghostly contact with ghouls
frimple: folding your clothese every day
Treecheese: money to be made in preserving rainforests
tattermedalion: pretended poor person that lives in poverty to disguise his wealth
flocksturr: focuses on avionics of top secret craft
panejectifron: time-travelers exiting their cars
pancledes: time travlers that can be identified
covertthow: an attempt by spies to gain more power
martle: someone too slow to survive on mars
marstion: foothold on habitable planet
wibble-wabble: tergiversation in high pressure situations
flipsquire:99th percentile IQ
frankquibber: 98th percentile IQ
cloveryield: the earnings of luck on aleatory circumstance
actsequlade: quaint TV sitcoms
gimply: with a great gait
fourteenfive:genius level intelligence
qwence: the place for elite people to congregate
Bilderberg: the crownpiece of kapstone paper that selects comfort lazily based on nepotism that worships enough owls until the decided date and that foists roosters to meet with clement (exceptionally) and inclement fate
frohemian: black hipsters
Effrogallant: Bold non-linear flirtation
Sart: coffin for poor people
Ralsk: secret underground subway system
riniguss: landlocked prosperity
tryme: corruption in court for poor people
whyern: beginning of stardom
marzarratea: Ghoulish time-travelers who talk too often
Awgrudge: underwhelming emotional reaction
Virtualasis: long-distance non-physical romance
qwask: infiltrate the untouchables
rijuice: A preordained outcome of an important game
Lagonagria: The uncertainty of scores even with prophetic insight
wopper: someone who is permanently oppressed
axile: carefully being cut or carved
tannen: that sins sometimes
pruke: ***** that comes from nausea that is forced
pluke: excessive absorption of new knowledge
ghallitosis: Fear of the unknown in time-travel
jimpster: a contactee by liaison with time travelers
sessomotto: rocketship
whilded: anticipation of death (thanatopsis)
praken: Aeolian winds of mythical divinity
mustreacle: expectations that are unrealistic that ruins lives
klangquant: making enemies of the aristocracy
pyer: effigy of a dead person bearing no blood
crabwhisker: when two people have such different associations they have no emotional propinquity and therefore can't relate to each other
prull it: implode a building
wetringle: droplets of vaginal fluid
cravvel: people with VD that pretend celibacy
revdection: the art of inventing new words to gain an advantage
trekleador: knowledge of the time before humans reigned supreme in sentience
grendelize: to use bewitched impediments to occlude progress
flivverscrape: to create an accident to moorganize someone
findrompscar: the culminated furtive workings of cryptaesthesia
lendrumbline: to use A/V technology to make people less intelligent
frivver: an unwarranted paranoia caused by misinformation provided by mendaciloquence
umjunction: the meeting of embattled tribes in common agreement for ulterior motives
1900. tabacosis- tobacco poisoning
1901. tabanid-blood ******* insect gadfly
1902. tabescent- wasting or shriveling
1903. tablature- mental image or picture
1904. tacenda- things to not be mentioned
1905.tach- link
1906tachism- painting by smearing or splattering
1907. tachymetry-measure of speed
1908.tachyscope- early cinematograph
1909. taeniacide- killing of tapeworms
1910.taghairm- ancient divination Scottish highlands
1911. tagmeme- analysis of arrangement of spoken elements
1912. talionic- retributive: like for like
1913. talaric-relating to the ankles
1914tanistry- succession by previously elected representative
1915. tantivy- at full gallop, headlong
1916.taphephobia- fear of being buried alive
1917tapotement- use of light taps in massage
1918. tarradiddle- senseless talk, nonsense
1919. tardigrade- slow-paced
1920. tartarology-beliefs about the underworld
1921.tastevin- wine-taster
Religious Lexicon Expansion
    1. Acquinesk- religious people distracted from religion
    2. Trimfeet- steadfast attuned devotees to God
1922. rackrent- excessive rent
1923. Rabelaisian- coarsely hilarious
1924. rach- dog that hunts by scent
1925.racemiferous-bearing clusters or bunches
1926.raciology- study of racial differences
1927.racloir- scraper used by early hominids
1928.radicated-rooted, established
1929.radiciform- like a root’
1930. radicolous- living on roots
1931.raffish-disreputable, ******
1932. ragabash-idle worthless fellow
1933.ragmatical- wild, ill-behaved
1934.raisonneur- a person in a play or book or movie embodying authors viewpoint
1935.ramate- branched
1936.ramellose- having small branches
1937.rampallion- scoundrel or villain
1938.rampick- dead tree or tree decayed at top
1939.ranarian- froggy
1940. rand- border, edge or margin
1941.randan- uproar, din, riotous conduct
1942.rangiferine- pertaining to reindeer
1943. rannygazoo-foolish nonsense
1944.rantipole- wild or disorderly
1945.rantize- to sprinkle with water in baptism
1946.rarisssima- extremely rare books
1947.rasorial-scraping the ground for food
1948.rath- prehistoric hill fort
1949.rathe-quick; early; eager
1950.ratten-to practice sabotage advance
1951.ravelin- detached work with two embankments
1952. razzmatazz-meaningless talk; hype; nonsense
1953.reast- to become rancid
1954.rebec- medieval in terms of music
1955.reboant- marked by reverberation, resounding
1956.rebus- picture puzzle resembling a word
1957.recadency- relapsing into old habits
1958. recense- to revise critically
1959.recoct- to cook again
1960.rectiserial-in vertical ranks
1961.redargue-to refute or confute
1962.redhibition- return of a defective product or cancellation of a sale
1963.redintegrate- to make whole again or to restore (esp of mind)
1964.redivivus-resuscitated come to life again
1965. redshort- brittle at red heat
1966.reductionism- belief that the complex can be simplified in terms of phenoms
1967.reflation- increase in economic activity
1968.refocillate-to refresh or cherish
1969.refugium- an area that retained earlier geographical conditions
1970.regelation- freezing together again
1971.regalism- monarch head of church affairs
1972.regius- royal
1973.reguerdon- to reward
1974.regreet- to exchange greetings
1975.regula- rule of a religious order
1976.regulus- an impure metal (bad sounding metal band)
1977. reinfund- to flow in again
1978.rejoinder- sharp and clever answer
1979.relache-relaxation, rest, no performance
1980. relationism- doctrine that relationships between entities are entities themselves
1981reliabilism- justified belief is reached by reliable cognitive processes
1982. relume- to light up or light up again
1983.remontant- flowering more than once per season
1984.remora- delay or obstacle
1985.renverse- to reverse or upset
1986.reprehend- to rebuke
1987.reptant- creeping, crawling
1988. repunit- number consisting of two or more identical integers
1989.requiescat- prayer for the dead
1990. retiform- shaped like a net
1991.resistentialism- the humorous theory that inanimate objects display malice towards human (or compassion)
1992.resofincular- resembling a wire hangar
1993.restiform- shaped like a cord
1994.retrad- backward
1995.retrocede- to move backwards in time or in thought
1996.retrocognition- extrasensory knowledge of past events
1997.retrogress-moving backwards, degeneration
1998.retromorphosis- turning for the worse
1999.retrophilia- love of past things or things past
2000. revalorize- to restore the value of a currency
2001.revet- to face with masonry
2002.rhabdos-magic wand
2003.rhathymia- personality factor leading to optimism and cheerfulness
2004.rheme- speech element that expresses an idea
2005.rhinocerial- very heavy weight or burden
2006.rhipidate- fan-shaped
2007.rhizic- the root of an equation
2008.rhizogenic-producing or growing roots
2009.rhombos- bull-roarer
2010.rhonchial-pertaining to snoring
2011.rhypophagy- eating filth
2012.riant-laughing merry
2013.rictus- gaping mouth or orifice
2014.ridgeling- half castrated animal
2015.rillet- small brook or stream
2016. rimple- to wrinkle
2017.riometer- device for measuring absorbed cosmic radio waves
2018.risorgimento-revival: rebirth
2019.rivage- shore or bank
2020.roborant- strengthening drug or tonic
2021.roborate- strengthen or corroborate
2022.roche- rock or cliff; a rocky height
2023.rom- a gypsy man
2024.romage- tumult
2025.roodge- to push or lift with effort
2026. rookery- state of confusion
2027.rosarium- rose-garden
2028.rottack- ******* or nonsense
2029.roturier- plebeian
2030.roue-man devoted to life of pleasure a rake
2031.rubinetto- faucet
2032.rubricality- a ceremony
2033.rubster- lesbian
2034.ruffianize- to behave violently
2035.runagate-fugitive or vagabond
2036.rundle- rung of ladder
2037.runcinate- having irregular serrated saw-toothed divisions (pleonasm)
2038. ruptile- easily breakable
2039. Sabbatarian- one who keeps the sabbath strictly
2040. sabliere- sand pit
2041.sacerdotalism- belief that priests are necessary mediators between God and man
2042.sacrarium- place where sacred objects are kept
2043. salsipotent- ruling the salt seas
2044.saltant- leaping or dancing
2045.saltative- able to jump
2046.samaj- Hindu religious assembly
2047. sanctanimity- holiness of mind
2048.sanguisugent- blood-*******
2049.saprodontia- tooth-decay
2050.sarcoid- flesh-like
2051. sapwood-soft tissue beneath the bark of a tree
2052.sarcophilous- fond of flesh
2053.sative- cultivated
2054.satnav- satellite assisted navigation
2055.sauterelle- mason’s tool for making angles
2056.saxifragrous- breaking stones
2057.scambling- haphazard meal
2058.scandent- climbing
2059.scaramouch- ruffian; scoundrel
2060.scarp-to make steep
2061.scavage-refuse scavenged from the roads
2062. scepsis- philosophical doubt
2063.schizogenesis-reproduction by division
2064.schizotrichia-splitting of hair (hair-splitting pedantic)
2065.schoenabatic- rope-walking
2066.scholiast-writer of marginal notes
2067.sciaphobia- fear of shadows
2068.scientaster- petty scientist
2069.sciolism- superficial pretensions to knowledge
2070. sciomancy- divination using ghosts
2071.sciosophy-system of knowledge without basis in science
2072.scobiform- like sawdust
2073.scopophilia- ****** pleasure from seeing things
2074.scortation- fornication
2075.scribacious- given to writing
2076.scride- to crawl on all fours
2077.scrim- durable fabric that is plain
2078.scrimshank-to evade work or duty
2079. scriniary-keeper of archives
2080.scrivello- elephant’s tusk
2081.scrow- scroll of writings
2082.scullion-mean contemptible person
2083.scutage- tax on a knight’s fee
2084.sebastomania- religious insanity
2085.secodont- to having cutting teeth
2086.secretum-private seal
2087. secundine-afterbirth
2088.sederunt- sitting of a court; gathering long discussion
2089.segnity- sluggishness, slothfulness
2090.seismotic- causing earthquakes
2091.sejungible- able to be disjoined
2092.selenic- pertaining to the moon
2093.selenocentric- prizing the moon above the earth
2094.selenolatry- worship of the moon
2095.sematic- serving for recognition, attraction or warning
2096.semese- half-eaten
2097.seminative-producing growth
2098.seminule-small seed or spore
2099.sempervirent- evergreen, always fresh
2100. senectitude-old-age
2101. sennet- musical fanfare
2102.sensiferous- conveying sensation (of a machine)
2013.sententia- opinion or aphorism
2103. sept-division of a tribe (clan)
2104. sepulchral-funereal: dismal and gloomy
2105 septiferous- having barriers
2106 septemfluous-in seven streams
2017. seraglio- harem
2108.serific- silk-producing
2019.serology- study of sermons
2110. serotinous- flowering late
2111.servilism- system of slavery or serfdom
2112. shail- to shamble to stumble
2113.shambolic- chaotic
2114. Shearling- one year old sheep
2115. shend- to destroy or ruin, disgrace or corrupt
2116. sheol- hell a place where they dead live a shadowy existence
2117. shroff- to test money to check for impurities
2118.sibylline- prophetic, oracular
2119.sicarian- murderer assassin
2120. siderism- belief stars influence human affairs
2121. sigillum- seal of confession
2122. sillograph- one who writes satires
2123.silvics- study of a trees life
2124.silviculture- growing of trees
2125. simony- buying or selling ecclesiastical offices
2126. simultagnosia- inability to see the fragments of the whole
2127.sipe- to percolate or ooze through
2128. situla -a holy bucket
2129. skaw- low cape or headland
2130. skelder- to beg, swindle or cheat
2131. skellum- villain, rascal, scoundrel
2132. skerry- small rocky islands
2133.skeuomorph- retained but no longer functional stylistic feature
2134. skewbald- patches of white and some other color
2135. slade- little valley or dell
2136. slatternly- slovenly
2137. sleech- slimy mud
2138. slummock- to move slowly or awkwardly
2139. slurvian- slurred speech
2140. smalt- deep-blue
2141.smaragdine- emerald green
2142. snift- to blow out steam
2143. sociocracy- government of society as a whole
2144. sociogenesis- origin of human societies
2145. soilure- stain or pollution
2146. solatium- something given as compensation for a suffering or loss
2147. soldatesque- soldier-like
2148. solifidianism- faith alone saves the soul theory
2149. soligenous- produced by the sun
2150. sollevation- insurrection
2151.solonist- wise man
2152.somatasthenia- weakness of the body
2153. sonance- sound of instrument
2154. sondage- trial bore of excavation; sounding out an opinion
2155. soothfast- truthful or honest
2156.sopite- to dull, lull, put to sleep or end something
2157. soporose- sleepful
2158. soroche- mountain sickness
2159.sottisier- collection of jokes, quotes or ridiculous remarks
2160. souteneur- prostitutes **** or bully
2161.souterrain- underground house
2162.spadassin- swordsman or fighter
2163. spado- impotent person or animal (castrated)
2164. spancel- to hobble
2165. spansule- tr capsule
2166. spargosis- swelling
2167. speciesism- humans more important than others ans
2168.speciocide- killing species
2169.spelean- cave-dwelling
2170. speos- ancient Egyptian cave temple
2171.sphairistic- tennis-playing
2172.spheterize- to make ones own or appropriate, arrogate
2173. sphygmodic- pulsating
2174.spicate-spiked
2175.spinosity- thorniness
2176. spinney- corpse or small clump of trees
2177.spirate-voiceless
Neologisms Part IV
Bruption: the end of a phone call because of an awkward or sensitive topic
Reninjasque: Complete mastery of emotional intelligence
Frikmag: The ability to distinguish fake and real news
Raltention: the strength of an idea to be communicated in all languages
Epinger: A buzzword with a double-meaning
Writhose: Escaping an embarrassing situation with tact that doesn’t offend
Grivvy: Attuned to the cosmos through psychedelics
Halldorn: A suppression of libido caused by qualms
Fregget: To promise quixotic gratuities to win votes
Ragtagger: Someone whose superstitions outweigh common sense
Hortoriginality: An idea independently conceived that mirrors another ideation by accident working independently
Synquest: Asking a coded question meant to elicit a secretive idiolect response
Fraverscribble: To invent a hobgoblin for mediagenic hyperboles to divide societies based on psephology or an otherwise foofaraw concept to transfix the news
Fravvel: Encrypted messages hidden in the newsworthy on mediagenic channels
Wertong: Rich people that are exclusive in their luxuriance that don’t care about the poor
Demasque: Evil corruption that is inescapable because of internet censorship
Fondink: Pellucid writing meant to appease simpletons and obey orthopraxy in language even when you are capable of much more ennobled speech
Histrinkage: The ability to surpass the average alien species in terms of communicative intelligence
Weatrean: Personal prosperity derived from behaving as your authentic self
Wretcheen: Personal prosperity derived from being a wagtail conformist who disguises their true inclinations
Trinkochre: An ugly scene that inspires people to compassion or pity
Treony: Someone who pretends to care about civil rights but only does so to pander to common decency
Whitelash: anger by white supremacists at minorities for no good reason
Estrockentch: The manipulation of men by attractive women who play mind games circumducted around personal conceit, a testy affair of tentative persiflage
Astroud: the strong voice of an opinionated leader that is simultaneously a hollertrap because it is so strongly tilted in one direction or another
Lazaretta: the cloyed fame of celebrity leading to subpar movies or music
Denoratum: The excessive charity of the rich to help charities that matter to the third-world rather than just first-world problems
Mendoratum: Someone who donates generously but only for first-world problems
Inkthorn: a misspoken vituperative overreach against someone who appears like an enemy when they are actually a friend
Frethorn:mind control that seeks to cadge you into lewdness beyond your normal inclination to subvert someone beneath the bailiwick of corporatism
Ashowel: a disaster foreseen that is avoided by both prescience and surveillance
Vowelinger: a glare of contempt from someone who pretends you don’t matter or exist
Retchination: highlighting someone’s flaws above their virtues
Propinkiquenege: Someone who pretends to be for womens rights or gay rights but actually only does it to seem ‘woke”
Pytherian: able to flirt on an intellectual level but dissociated from common rules of dating
Artrench: a lasting work of virtuosity widely emulated even in garbology
Swirk: to work rapidly and elegantly on a complicated problem
Asterongue: someone whose position of stature is a mediagenic creation rather than a reflection of true talent or someone who cheats their way into the elite by being a pickthank
Estander: a lonely incel who is attractive but shy
Zillium: a dramatic terrorist attack that forces exigency
Dranger: Indignation because of psychiatric injustice
Vinsky: Power derived from integrity and talent
Weedledge: contaminated marijuana designed by the DEA to get people off of drugs
Kinkativy: momentary lapse of chastity in the throes of lewdness
Sweedle: to borrow excessively from someone else and then take credit
Arentrum: The ability to console the sick and the disconsolate with honesty and petitions of prayer
Crudenzy: the end of a faddish but simplistic vogue by the introduction of succedaneum
Porster: a fake vaccine given to influential people or their families to induce autism or genetic mutations unfavorable
Risctender: to endanger someone’s safety for a monetary gain especially a petty gain
Dengonin: underground band or corporation that knows everything about the future
Gentincture: rewarding people with good genes the best business ideas and the highest positions in Hollywood
Gentink: marrying someone because they are a genetic match
Hallswallop: the spread of a secret beyond the intended reach at great peril to society
Fliction: myths created by movies about the future
Swandamo: someone who is popular only because they are photogenic
Effleck: temporary state of mind that doesn’t define a person
Sertivine: Genetically engineered athletes
Denostram: a period of temptation by evil forces that must be resisted
Gollendary: someone with perfect scores on standardized tests
Wernique: someone skilled at understanding but not creating anything new
Flinker: a deep bout of depression after a break-up
Tortivinity: a deep-seated ignorance derived from a jaundiced upbringing
Draksting: a racially motivated arrest or crime against minorities for racial reasons
Hindermangle: a relationship that is hard to get out of even when combative
Intonorous: preoccupied so much with something else they don’t understand what is being said to them both verbally and nonverbally
Timespun: the alteration of the past by the future as a theoretical possibility
Toonardical: the mass deception of resourceless older people or dullards by spoon-fed mediagenic hyperbole into taking a political position
Kisswonk: a lucky break in a dangerous situation to personal repute
Hibble: to obganiate a talking point until it becomes so hackneyed it gets replaced by another talking point
Yentrify: to make clothing more modest and people meeker by cultural impediments
Flapdoon: to obsess yourselves with eccentric fascinations leading to incongruity with your social group
Grimsuetude: encounters with death that make you more scared of dying
Manoore: the dirt on powerful people derived from spying on them using compact devices
Narquiddity: the feeling of empty painlessness at the expense of obligation
Traindeque: to inculcate a bricolage of civility in a less acculturated person by brainwashing them
Fliphaven: to migrate to a smaller town because of a relationship
Frinteran: someone who willingly gives another person cancer to spite them
Nyejay: a purposeless person bent on convincing the world it has no purpose
Bernacle: someone who abandons integrity to gain power
Wernaggle: an annoying querulousness about a topic that is boring
Yimpoke: to talk to a friend you haven’t heard from for a while
Junediggle: the giddy feeling of being on an extended holiday without obligations
Trayne: modifying an environment so it is more socially suitable to both humans and other species
Frackling: someone who suppresses free speech because of misguided utopianism
Cackloney: a toxic substitute medication passed off as a brand name pill by disguising its appearance that ruins the mind or the health of an individual
Dontolesque: knowing more about the past than how to handle the present
Gribbean: someone that alters their rhetoric and sacrifices integrity to please any crowd he visits
Sveldtang: hidden messages in music that are almost inaudible
Excorify: to expose hidden meanings in art
Fustilugianate: to use mind control to **** intelligence by vibronic waves
2179. systematology- study of systems
2180 syntonomy- brevity, conciseness
2181. syntagma- organized body or group.
2182. syrt- quicksand
2183.synoecy- association of one species to benefit one species only
2184. syngenesis- ****** reproduction
2185. synsematic- having no meaning outside of a specific context
2186. syngraph-contract signed by all parties
2187. synectics- study of process of invention
2188. syncrisis- comparison of diverse or contradictory things
2189.synclastic- curved in all direction towards a singular point
2190.synaxarion- the account of a saint’s life
2191.synanthy- growing together of two flowers
2192. synaesthesis-harmony of different impulses from a work of art
2193. synallagamtic- mutually or reciprocally obligatory; bilateral
2194. syndicalism- doctrine of direct worker control of capital
2195.synechodochial-broadened or narrowed in interpretation
2196.synechthry- cohabitation of hostile species
2197. splenitive-ill-tempered splenetic
2198.spondulicks- available money or funds
2199. sprauncy- smart, dapper
2200.springal- active man or youth
2201.spumid- frothy, foamy
2202.spuria- spurious works
2203.squaloid- pertaining to sharks
2204.squandermania- irrational propensity for profligate spending
2205. staddle-support for a haystack
2206. staffage- decorative accessories or addition to work of art
2207.stasiarch- ringleader in sedition
2208. stasiology- study of political parties
2209.statolatry- worship of the state
2210.steganography- writing in a secret, hidden, encoded manner
2211.stegmonth- period of recuperation after childbirth
2212.stegophilist- one who climbs buildings for sport
2213. stellify- to set amongst the stars
2214.stenoapaeic- with a narrow opening
2215. steven- outcry, loud call
2216.stigmatophilia- obsession with tattoos
2217.stirpiculture- selective breeding
2218.stiver- something of little or no value
2219. stoichiometry- measurement of proportions in chemical reactions
2220.stodge- to cram, stuff or gorge with food
2221.storge- natural or parental affection
2222.stotious- drunk
2223. stramineous- strawy, light, worthless; straw-colored
2224.stratarchy- rulership of an army
2225.stratous- in layers
2226.strepsis- twisting
2227.stridor- harsh shrill sound
2228.strigine- owl-like pertaining to owls
2229.struthious- pertaining to ostriches
2230.strobic- appearing to spin or like a spinning top
2231. structuralism- theory that emphasizes structure or order of ideas to produce meaning
2232. suaviloquence- pleasing or agreeable speech
2233.sub dio- outdoors in open air
2234. sub rosa- secrety in confidence
2235.subaerial-in open air
2236.subaltern- ranked quantitatively but not qualitiatively
2237.subhastation- sold in a public auction
2238.subfocal- of something which someone is only dimly aware
2239.subfusc- dusky, somber
2240. subjoin- to add at the end or afterwards
2241.subniveal- under snow
2242.subnubilar- under clouds
2243.subreption- misrepresentation or false deduction
2244.substitutionalism- theory that memory substitutes for independent reality of past experiences
2245.substratose- imperfectly stratified
2246.substruct- to build beneath to lay a foundation
2247.subsultus- convulsive movement
2248.subtrist- somewhat sad
2249.subturbary- under turf
2250.subvention- granting money in aid
2251.succenturiate- to supply what is lacking to supplement
2252.succiferous- producing sap
2253.succorrhoea- excessive secretion
2254.succus- juice extracted from plant
2255.sudation- sweating
2256 suede- light beige
2257.sufflaminate- to check, obstruct or block
2258.suffragan- assistant bishop
2259.suicidology- study of suicide
2260.suidian- of or pertaining to pigs
2261.sulcate- with grooves or furrows
2262.summa- comprehensive treatise
2263.sumpsimus- a correct expression that replaces a popular but wrong one
2264.sumptuary- pertaining to expense or extravagance
2265.supercalender- to give high polish to
2266.supercargo- ship official in charge of business affairs
2267. supercherie- deception, hoax, fraud
2268. superfetate- to conceive during pregnancy
2269. superfetation- superabundant production or accumulation
2270.superfuse- to pour over
2271.superjection- exaggeration or hyperbole
2272.supersensible- beyond physical perception, spiritual
2273.supersolid- magnitude of more than three dimensions
2274.suq- middle-eastern marketplace
2275. surbate- to bruise from walking
2276. surcuigerous- producing suckers
2277.surd- irrational number
2278.surdomute- deaf-mute
2279. surexcitation- excessive excitation
2280.surquedry- arrogance
2281.suscept- host of a parasite
2282. swage- groove, grooved shaping tool
2283 swale- marshy hollow depression or meadow
2284. sward-portion of land covered by grass
2285.swasivious- agreeably persuasive
2286.sweven- vision in  a dream
2287. swink- to toil or labor
2288.swive- to **** a chick
2289.swoopstake- in an indiscriminate manner
2290.sybil- female prophet, hag, witch
2291.sympatric- occupation of same regions but not breeding
2292.symphily- living together for mutual benefit
2293.symphoric-accident prone
2294. symposiast- participant at conference
2295. taupe- brownish-grey
2296.tauricide- killer of a bull
2297.taurine -of or pertaining to bulls
2298.tautochronous- lasting the same amount of time
2299. taxeme- a basic unit of systems of classification
2300. tecnology- teaching of children
2301.teen- injury or grief
2302.teg- sheep in its second year
2303.tegmen- covering or shell
2304.tegminal- covering or protecting
2305.tegular- like overlapping tiles or slates
2306.telaesthesia- perception of events taking place far away
2307.telegony- influence of prievous mate on offspring or current one
2308.telenergy- application of a spirit energy at a distance
2309.telesis- making use of natural or social pressures for a goal
2310.telestic-pertaining to or like mysteries
2311;.telmatology-study of swamps
2312.telodynamic- pertaining to transmission of power to a distance
2313.teloteropathy- telepathy between persons
2314.temenos- place dedicate to a god, a sacred precinct
2315.temerarious- rashly or presumptuously daring
2316.temperative- having a moderative influence
2317.tempestive- timely or seasonal
2318.temporicide- killing time
2319.tendentious- designed to advance a cause
2320.tentation- experiment by trial and error
2321.tentigo- priapism, morbid lasciviousness
2322.tenue- bearing, carriage, manner of dress
2323.terriginous- earth-born derived from the land
2324.terreplein-top of a rampart where guns are mounted
2325.testamur- certificate of passing an examination
2326.thalposis- sensation of warmth
2327.thanatism-belief soul dies with the body’
2328.thanatousia- funeral rites
2329.thanatophobia- fear of death
2330.thelemic- allowing people to do as they wish
2331.thelemite- libertine
2332. theodicy- defense of goodness in the face of evil
2333.theopneustic- divinely inspired
2334.theotherapy- faith healing
2335.theriac- antidote to venomous bites
2336.theriology- animal worship
2337.thermogenesis-production of heat
2338.thermolabile- easily decomposed by heat
2339.thermolysis- decomposition caused by heat
2340. thermaesthesia- sensitivity to temperature
2341.thesmothete- law-giver
2342. theurgy- miracles by good spirits or magic
2343.thooid- like a wolf
2344.thole- to endure and suffer
2345.thumomancy- divination by ones own soul
2346.thyestean- cannibalistic
2347.thymogenic- due to emotion
2348.thymopathy- mental disorder
2349.tigerism- swagger
2350.tigrine- pertaining to tigers
2351.tilth- agricultural work
2352.tingent- adding colour having the ability to tinge
2353.tisicky- wheezy, asthmatic
2354.titivate- to dress or spruce up
2355.tittup- to walk in an affected manner or prancing mincingly
2356.tocophobia- fear of pregnancy or childbirth
2357.togated- wearing a toga dignified
2358. toman- 10,000
2359.tonitruous- thundering
2360.toparch- ruler of a district
2361. tophaceous- gritty
2362. topophobia- stage-fright
2363.torpefy- to make numb or paralyze
2364.torpillage- ect
2365.torrefy- to roast with heat
2366.tortious- committing a wrongful deed
2367.tovarish-comrade
2368.tracasserie-turmoil
2369.traduce-­ defame or slander
2370.tralatition- metaphor
2371. trangam-showy or worthless article
2372.transmigrationism- belief soul passes into another body after death
2373.transvolation- flying higher than normal
2374.tremogram- irregularity in handwriting
2375.tribade- lesbian
2376.*******- lesbian ******* in *******
2377.trichoid- hairlike
2378.triduan- lasting three days
2379.trieteric- occurring in alternate years
2380.tristiloquy- mournful manner of speech
2381.troat- toe bellow like a roaring buck
2382. tropophilous- flourishing in seasonal extremes of the climate
2383.trouvaille- fortunate find
2384.trucage- faking works of art
2385.trucidation- slaughter
2386.trumpery- showy nonsense chicanery
2387. tuism- theories that humans have two selves
2388.tunicate- to cover with layers
2389.turncock- valve for regulating water flow
2390.turnverien- athletic club
2391.turriform- shaped like a tower
2392.tutiorism- doctrine that one should take the safer moral course
2393.twizzle- to swirl or spin
2394.typhlophile- one who is kind to the blind
2395.typhonic- tornadic or whirlwind like
2396.uberous- yielding abundant milk
2397.ubication- condition of being in a certain location
2398.ubique- everywhere
2399.ughten- morning twilight
2400.ullagone- cry of lamentation at a funeral
2401.uloid- like a scar
2402.ultimation-act of bringing to a conclusion
2403.ultimogeniture- inherited by last son
2404.ultrafidian- going beyond faith
2405.ultradian- of cycles longer than an hour but shorter than a day (natural biological)
2406.ultrageous-violently extreme
2407.ultroneous- spontaneous, voluntary
2408.unasinous- being equally stupid
2409.uberufen- exclamation to avert ill luck following boasting
2410.unconsentaneous- not in agreement
2411.uncial- pertaining to an inch or an ounce
2412.underbreath- subdued voice, rumor
2413.unicity- uniqueness oneness
2414.unicornic- resembling a unicorn
2415.unipotent- powerful in one direction only
2416.universalism- autocatastasis
2417. unligable- unable to be bound together
2418.upas-poisionous or harmful institution or influence
2419.uranophobia- fear of heaven
2420.urbacity- excessive pride in one’s city
2421.urbarial- founded on registered property
2422.urman- swampy pine forest
2423.ursicide- killing of a bear
2424.usance- habit or custom
2425.usitative- constituting a usual act
2426.usucaption- acquisition of property by long usage and enjoyment
2427. usufruct- the right to use and enjoy something
2428.utile- profitable and useful
2429.utinam-earnest wish or desire
2430. uberty- fruitfulness, abundant productiveness
2431.ubity- place or locality
Neologisms Part V
Findrouement: to realize the excesses of hedonism by personal experience to motivate your qualms
Egintoch: Puritanism enabled by Churchism of eisegesis of the bible that is overly restrained
Wamzel: Someone whose peccatiphobia outweighs their ability to adventure with moderate restraint
Artwrench: Someone whose art is diminished by conformity of the broader world of kitsch
Efflamen: A celebrity who is rarely heralded or held in high esteem because of social pressures
Drimple: a cute personal eccentricity only observed after a long-time dating
Flarmey: A hardly newsworthy event designed to enslave people to a narrative that are dull
Trimscreet: Someone obsessed by petty details of organization and neat habits
Troudasque: A pertinacious flirt who goes straight to the point for ****** encounters
Alienavesce: The act of self-distancing yourselves to people with bold intellects
Yundimber: Self-sabotage by being too conscientious of oneself
Potvagrant: someone who becomes a different person when drunk than sober
Gimdermang: an obsessive visagist of the English Language who is unsatisfied even with satisdiction
Tralleyripped: so obsessed with vanity as a girl that they never start conversations unless asked
Grindole: someone who rarely smiles even in beatific circumstance
Trinkadour: someone enslaved by an acquisitive mindset of proffered consumerism
Tytanium: the alchemy of ill-fated love that ends poorly because of excessive initial fascination
Cordslave: someone so tethered to technology they forget the intellectual world because of diversion
Indentilation: craving for desperate attention by signaling through social media or otherwise
Hambasket: a comfort-eater who gains weight because of depression
Gourdinance: a euphoric interlude in a rock music song that is plangent with euphoria
Slellum: a mediocre part of a good song that turns people away
Terresting: someone imprisoned by mundane considerations and myopia rather than providence
Flargentum: hidden meanings in songs widely missed because they are obscure or unexpected
Porlecked: a feeling you get when you realize someone is insincere or just plain stupid
Nimongue: rapid-fire insight expressed elegantly to impress people
Flargent: so domineered by aleatory lability that their lives become soap-operas of histrionics
Deskandent: the tedium of working menial jobs especially when overqualified
Ertiminasque: the inelegant narrative fiction of the commonplace used to usurp the sciamachies of reality
Whartonize: to turn independent minded people into smug elitists through indoctrination
Transekond: a song that is memorialized because of hedonistic sprees of youth remembered in nostalgia
Frappern: the alteration of musical appreciation caused by having an audience of discriminative listeners
Slivverdeck: crafty gambles based on nothing but intuitive instinct that prove rotten
Fatewrench: a slow corrosion of faith based on nothing more than bad happenstance
Rindstretch: a situation where there are no possible people to talk to that are single
Clorence: a devoted sincerity to every facet of love imaginable: complete devotion
Grimscravel: a delight in histrionics as a social engineering gambit because of rampant stupidity
Flagstench: the moral opprobrium of jingoistic circumstance that arouses countermanded hatred
Redstrall: the opposition and isolation of Republican white men by feminists and liberals
Bluepomp: the bumptious belief that progressive onolatry is a ‘woke’ witeless movement that should be obeyed with hortatory even violent force
crinkman: a prophet blessed by God to deliver new wisdom
Waterdrip: the tortuous progression of time leading to a certain preordained outcome
kendarme: when everyone knows who you are but pretend otherwise esp. for corruption
finkly: being powerless to change circumstances
ergotall: a big consequence to a minor action in a positive direction
ergotile: a small consequence to a big action in either a positive or negative direction
flarium: music that traveled to the past from the present or the future
thillore: subpar art that receives rave reviews because it is flippant and no other reason
stringoche: insular self-obsession
frizzlounge: a popular spot for status-obsessed patrons
hyjamb: a gridlock in Washington D.C. by design
hikkle: rejection of popular consensus on wall street (usu. To great personal gain)
arknick: a frenzy common to only one of several urban areas because of provincial paroxysm’
reginkeer: the threshold of trust needed to sustain an intimate relationship
trimpoline: buoyant because of good looks or constant luck
Esauline: someone who trades their birthright to corporate slavery
Jolk: the obsession with foofaraw on the internet
Jolker: someone who does dangerous or stupid things to get internet famous
wrathcheque: money made off of a disaster especially artificial
wragatek: evil technocracy seeking biometrics on everyone
wragapole: overpowering docile stupidity that makes humanity easier to tame
qwippa: someone powerful who is poor
zenkidu: antediluvian knowledge that survives
harprick: to use incisive reasoning to demoralize an opponent in an argument
harraitim: the people that believe I am a prophet
graklon: the people that are trying to enslave me
graklongeur: intellectual persecution instituted from the top-down
trillom: fake activism done for propinquenege
drawflark: an overstated estimate of sea water levels caused by climate change (both sun and man)
retchallop: to dehumanize someone by enlisting the giant tortoise with hackencrude
retchanvil: to be an outspoken critic of a topic considered tacenda but imponent on all affairs
wipple: a minor moral mistake overstated for expediency
dratrenk: a lucrative trend created by venality
yording: a former believer who has flagging faith
francketor: a complete genius at metacognition
whindmast: a very sharp conversationalist in all circumstances
gentreng: something vogue to honest intellectuals but few others
wesperm: unfavorable situation for men in general
chawme: catchy low-key deep house for quiet moments
trikongue: making dishonest promises in an election
tallespin: to gloat over victory in a videogame
troponder: challenging the limits of imagination that goes too far astray from reality
underminnow: misrepresentation by a brief soundbite
ryesolagnus: someone who uses LSD
frapplank: a profligate gambler who wastes his family fortune
intorgurent: someone who overstates the value of ritual (especially ritualized contrition)
hinkerg: an obstacle to obtaining power
inslambous: a predatory flirt with so-called ‘toxic masculinity’
jamble: to bet a small wager on a risky bet
fropollow: a sedentary **** smoker who prefers solitude
trimkoppa: a warped parent who teaches non-binary values
florew: a mathematical or logistic axiom that is believed to be correct but turns out to be incomplete or arranged in an insufficient way to pave the future
alloreck: the downsides to being famous (privacy especially)
flipcreek: change of TV or media habits
commerstargal: the incubation of TV commercials in your head affecting buying decisions
spikelund: betting on the stock market based on the names of the companies involved
flonky: 50s era nostalgic feel relating to a pop culture artifact
resselenque: the examination of high art  by modern standards
stigstall: a stalemate between nefarious forces and righteous ones that limits the extent of thaumaturgy
crosslinger: a prominent leader of religious devotion without a formal title
errundle: a desultory way of comportment that leaves you stranded
brocrawler: someone with very heightened expressive intelligence that isn’t a wernique
flindagger: someone whose preoccupation with *** damages their conduct
stretchgrave: people from the past who knew in detail about artifacts from the future
hamparthia: someone recovering from a personal defect in a heroic way
presstungular: a code of conduct that restrains mediagenic disclosure that everyone agrees on tacitly
rapknock: impediments and obstacles to fame based on circumstance and pedigree only
floundrewl: conditioned to believe that people that die in disasters or otherwise deserved death or otherwise wouldn’t be missed
yeltincture: the disadvantage of being vocal about provincial issues
flambaste: to discover personal secrets and use them as an overhang to compel obeisance
grambazzle: someone who ages quickly because they do too many drugs
grambounce: moderate indulgence in ******* on the weekends
wravel: to expound upon minutiae in an enlightened way
torpindage: intimidating people about the mafia by using  TV and Movies to make them seem more violent
Yulliver: a hypersensitive person who is easily intimidated by circumstance
hinderbaggle: the cumulative effect of plastic on pollution around the world
lavondeur: a volcanic tirade of recrimination against a baseless accusation
primposition: to try to use prison politics to endear violence or ****** aberration
stultimathy: the art of lampooning people with divergent ideas
rendavation: the diversification of entertainment on YouTube creating mismatches in syntalities
abaddon: the crestfallen feeling you get when hype is overstated
glamborge: a surfeit of pretentious glamour that treacles too quickly to have lasting value
tempcoverage: a preordained song lyric or movie reference referring to the future before it happens
whistlemonger: someone who touts their knowledge of secrets too openly
flyndresque: a restless nonconformity to hidebound standards flaunted for attention and regarded as vogue
whadronque: a concerted effort by the media to hide an inconvenient truth for boondoggles
kilmarge: an untidy mess that exacerbates the tongue of the puritans
subnublear-incontinent drivel of gribbean barnacles to the bernaggles of opportune subfusc blettonism that owes patronage to scrimshaws of duty by wetchrean designation
Winklean- to trust intimations of superstition that are subliminal above clarion declarations of widely heralded facts
ewnastinque- the proliferation of pornographic sentiments among the youth
bludgergrumble- To exert great power and finesse and demand the minutiae of life to align with annealed priorities that you incur from statemanship or stature
Retinoise- the fanfare of correspondence among the plucky people allied to your cause
Aswallone- A staggering feat of disguised xenophobia that is implicit rather than stated directly
DMC Words
wiggletemper- manipulating subtleties to micromanage threats to power dynamics
atomkent- a feeble attempt made in resignation to empower people that is dishonest
slimpondrique- the skeletonization of society made by ossified moralism that neglect prophecy
refracturism- the fundamental belief that all human knowledge is siphoned from selective filters that translates with deeply engraved entropy an inherent human distortion of the pristine reality
swallock- the divergence of human perspectives based on differences in receptive intelligence
trykle- the protrusion of uncomfortable truths of specious lies from the treasury of percolation
flakmention- the dredged arguments of revived past controversy becoming relevant again in a different context swaying generations in a different context
ouroborous
metatron- annihilation of the concept of existential chords of harmony to create the dissuasion of many to regard with nescience what should be upheld as an indelible memory of a sturdy reality negated by supervised neglect
flombrick- an overlooked part of the latticework of a phenomena that hides in obscurity because it is either such a nuance or so integral to the  reformulated design that it gets overlooked as either an axiom or a reputable spandrel
asperingum- a mistaken hope that tragedy can unite the human family into communal ******* for the shibboleths of a tribe to become universal
slimmerback- a reduction of complexity needed to explain the ineffable to a wider audience
flajourney- an enhancement of intellect predicated on music taste that primes intelligence
flajoust- a sarcastic song meant to demean the audience because of its glaring simplicity
feldtround- the holistic reprisal of a negligent professor or public official because he is slanted in the wrong direction or imposing too many opinions

2432. sphenoid-wedge-shaped
2433. sigmoid- S shaped
2435medusiform- shaped like a jelly fish
2436. vermillion- bright-red
2437viridian- chrome-green
2438 watchet- pale blue
2439. xanthic- yellow
2440. umber-brownish red
2441.puccoon- blood root; dark red color
2442. jacinthe- orange-color
2443. modena- crimson
2444. icterine-yellow
2445heliotrope-purplish hue/ ancient sundial
2446 eburnean-of or like ivory/ ivory-colored
2447corbeau-blackish green
2448. cyaneous- sky-blue
2449.filemot- of a dead leaf color or a dead leaf
2450. lsteritious- brick-red
2451.gridelin- violet-gray
2452 atrous- jet black
2453.celadon- pale green
2454 adevism- denial of gods or legends of pagans
2455 euhemerism-explanation of mythology as growing from history
2456 fideism- doctrine that knowledge depends on faith more than reason
2457 gymnobiblism-bible presented to the illiterate to their understanding sufficient
2458 tychism- accepts role as pure chance
2459 titanism- a spirit of revolt against regnant authority defiance against social convetions
2460. terminism- time-limit for repentance
2461. theopantism- belief God is the only reality
2462. privatism- not indulging outside interests at all
2463. positivism- theory that is not observable cannot be known
2464 panzoism- belief that humans and animals both share vital life energy
2465. perfectibilism- ideas of humanity perfecting itself to completion
2466. panspermatism- belief that life is extraterrestrial in origin
2467. organicism- belief that life is an organism from the granular to the profoundly panoramic
2468 numenism- belief in local deities or spirits
2469. monadism-theory that there exists ultimate units of being
2470. kenotism- theory that Christ shed his divinity to become human
2471. immoralism- rejection of morality
2472 illuminism- belief in an eternal internal  light
2473 ignorantism- belief ignorance is a good thing
2474. aspheterism- denial of private property
2475. aestheticism- beauty is integral to other qualities of reality
2476- bullionism- strong belief in gilded exchequer.
2477-Hypnogeny- the production of a hypnotic state
2478 Icterogenic- causing jaundice
2479. Nubigenous- cloud-born
2480. xylogenesis- growing on wood
2481. thymogenic- due to emotion
2482. thaumatogeny- doctrine of the miraculous origin of life
2483. spodogenous- caused by waste matter
2484 noegenesis- the production of knowledge
2485. morogenesis- the cause of segmentation
2486. marigenous- produced by the sea
2487. lithogenesis- rock-building
2488. ectogenesis-variation in response to outside conditions
2489. catogenic- formed from above
2490. anogenic-formed from beneath or below
Neologisms Part 6
Grangerine- a menacing sultry backlash against debased conformity to diminutive virtues of hamartias
Abordinance- A secretive stipend paid to silence people
Flaxounce- A counterfeit homeopathic remedy that is toxic
Creeze- to walk away from a confrontation before it begins either because you are meek or because of kisswonk
Ammenque- To loiter around waiting for deliverance with futility because of inclement circumstance or otherwise poor luck
Serratink- to rudely and abruptly end a conversation with anteric spite
Trillop- a meager insistence on the lowest possible price done obstinately regardless whether the other person budges ( a hefty understatement of capital)
Yernage- the peak-time of a person’s life in terms of felicity that is often restated in nostalgia
Implucture- the menagerie of talent that crowds the most elite spots in the city
Wallsong- An intrepid curt minatory rebuff of cordial standards because of boorish rudeness either provoked on unprovoked
Alkender- complete financial acumen that beats any market without insider knowledge
Kindoreal- the suitable mentality of hospitality based on conditions of success rather than just gratuity at the ire of the inferior
Sweenedge- the ability to master the panoramic matrix but extremely reserved in disclosing knowledge of dynamics for self-protection
Curdact- to weather inhospitable vicissitudes by forbearance and petition to divine authority
Sterkle- to leap at the first chance for monetary prosperity without considering divestiture or alternative options
Clex-the fantasia that enchants the droll simpletons but bores more astute observers
Gigantopariah- someone who is aloof from others because of stature or longiniquity of intellect
Walkong- the primitive directive to shut off a region from outside influences because of naive nativism at the peril of the economy
Zalk-to be the embodiment of a fictional character in a Movie
Zalkengur-when a movie you watch resembles your real-life conditions
weedratch-the oversaturation of drugs in society caused by the ostentation of celebrities using drugs in excess amounts
Tripsnitch- someone who is burrowed within a criminal caste who snitches for monetary gain that goes unnoticed
Hambourne- someone who is more prone to mysticism than religion and regards all religious traditions as contributions to the divine understanding without shroffing for apocrypha
Erzle- to be uncouth and rude around someone you are attracted to because of hapless happenstance
Pandemonstrance- the overstatement of hype to scare down the scale of a pandemic
Inkburch- someone who appreciates hypertrophy and is attentive to small detail but is a step short of full comprehension of intellectual reticulation
Trimlegger- someone who markets covert information or induction into secret societies for a price
Halkorn- to horde essential items months in advance of calamity only to gouge people when it arrives
Wintermingle- To borrow from the exigency of dearth the demands for select luxuries only experienced in times of dire straits and capitalize on squalor to beef up demand
Alvantage- a complete continuity of perception that is stereodimensional and therefore attentive to the scrutiny of missed details
Amporge- to galvanize a select community with a lot of power even when meeting the tacenda of disdain among common audiences that either don’t understand or don’t agree ideologically with the stance (elite pandering at common exchequers expense)
Wetragged- the hoist of ****** appeal founded on confrontations of lust that is effrogallant and leads to wide ****** currency
Rigmangle- to bet a lot of stake on mass confusion even when the profiteering is dishonest and unscrupulous
Tripsconce- to travel to a distant location to escape the tether of obligation often in a hurry if to escape the malingering malice of people that you want to   avoid
Wallbagger- someone who is sinister against immigration because of xenophobia that prizes anti-immigrant stances as the most important issue
timelounge- a place where future events are succinctly hinted at or discussed at a more elite institution than a frizzlounge
updame- to fetch affection from the most beautiful women in society
flavenicker- someone who appreciates all culinary dishes and makes a habit of trying new food (or someone with a ravenous intellectual curiosity)
roundhackle- the looming insecurity about appearance that motivates the sublimation of other talents that is inescapable
wednongue- someone who is eager to adopt vogue ideas just because they are vogue especially in the circle of fashimites that care only for popularity rather than sustainability even though they suspect a decline in the fad in short order
rellamp- to shine light on obscure issues in a convoluted ecphonesis that few will understand but in a way that shimmers the syncrisis of meaning
redominage- the sterling repute of some outmoded ideas fashioned with new monikers or disguised in redhibitions of federalese that appall liberal voters but create an adiaphorous reaction among Republicans
dissgowl- to riot in malcontent over untidy conditions of urbanization
inkbalk- the rejection of complex ideas because you don’t understand them in writing
waltroom- an avenue to secret conveyance of covert information (IOP)
flickerstorm- a spreading agent that enhances clarity if only temporary about spiritual realities by promulgating homilies that enchant perdurably
edumancipation- the liberation of the educational system from doctrinaire inculcation and the provocation of free thought found in autodidactianism
winkdrip- a secret ****** by the state on a foreign national beyond scrutiny
albenture- the ability to see complex patterns from a limited amount of information by intuitive conjecture in an almost clairvoyant way
poolswap- the emigration of wealth from one country to another because of unstable domestic or foreign conditions or other prospects of currency bonanza
plodge- to perform ******* very well
lipsmurch- an extraordinary *******
travestime- a bleak portrayal of a vibrant zeitgeist founded on petty objections that focus on the worst rather than best aspects of any heyday
alpenesture- the luxury of living near ski resorts
cartonimble- someone who prays often that often overstates the degree of their own sin because of a peccant fixation that is halldorn
trewde- to hail environmental causes that are inconvenient in a blaring way to the culprits behind the fossil fuel industry
trince- to be indecisive because of shifting mosaics of certainty of once irrefragable axioms that predicate your view of reality
sleeporge- to escape emotional pangs of depression or concern by popping a sleeping pill to escape turmoil
plammer- to brag about various pedigrees of stature in a modest way that still provokes envy even in modesty
mendlatch- to change your security settings out of hyped precaution
flomp- to spill your beer or liquor on someone because you maunder with intoxication
krift- an impasse on a contentious issue between two power brokers especially with respect to finance within a single entity or company
lingobagger- someone who reiterates the same concepts over and over again to a drooling audience of simpletons because they lack mutual understanding
keelnog- the alcoholism of sailors explained by cabin fever ( a general malaise caused by alcoholism that leads to diminished favor of reputation)
slogmarch- the steady growth of momentum in a financial movement caused by piggybacks of press and repcrevel concerns that form astroturf movements
limpedgy- simple writing that showcases flair but is still suboptimal for understanding deeper issues
covvenger- the stoop of science to a lower level to elevate dignitaries with fondink to a higher stature of conveyance despite a noticeable dimple of pretended normalcy among the highly gifted
willborne- a strong inclination that becomes an exalted ambition that serves a pecuinary cause as well as an altruism to society
Tortneyed- hackneyed ideas reiterated by tortivinity by ignorant people that converge on the same hikkles of obganiation
Hackumber- to disclose the most embarrassing personal secrets or corporate secrets of any given entity
Terrample (adj)- sufficient for the needs of Earth as a whole both in terms of its psychological effect and ultimate impact on ecosystems
Timberlask- the preservation of rugged idealism of picaresque roguery in a world that disenchants more than enthuses without denting pride or shibboleth
Flackey- a pedestrian answer to a simple question meant to dissemble a guise of presentation rather than bearing authenticity
Flackourge- a completely dishonest portrayal of oneself in a job interview or a date that is easy to detect
Grazzle- to astound a dismissive person with an unconventional answer which shatters paradigms about what a person or a group is capable of
Grazzly- Boldly intrepid in brave authenticity that showcases intellectual finery
Tralleyromp- a party for conceited photogenic people that are obsessed with ostentation that becomes a free-for-all saturnalia or a competitive bout of flairs of pulchritude
Halk-to insert a memorable catchphrase from a movie or song into spoken or written language
Halkend- an obsessive patron of the arts that quotes movies and music too much
Junctition- a moment of profound epiphany or euphoria memorialized in nostalgia especially when bound to a song, a place or a person on one particular date
Junctingent- a nostalgia that blurs many salient moments of excessive lavish celebration or personal acmes of achievement into one solitary remembrance that bedizens retrospection with a vague shimmer of sheen
Soundrack- the collection of songs that you are the most fond of
Soundracketeer- someone who has a very wide selection of music, especially universally agreed upon as tasteful music
Twatternabble- writing that is inelegant but is used solely to memorize words rather than convey meaning
Ligony- a period of overindulgence remembered fondly
Wassertail- the feeling of the degraded quality of music that you listen to too often and therefore maintains fewer feelings of euphoria
Wangermist- the gravity of new sonorous music to ****** ears that enchants rather than belies sentiments as the fresh engraving of a future treasure
Flukenhague- a bad policy by a mandarist government that seeks more ulterior control of the syndicalism of mismanaged graft in societies that have more hyperarchy than democracy
Flamestun- shower the world with genius that is unexpected and achieve acclaim thereby
Reninjuble- naturally good-natured giving off the appearance of emotional mastery that is calculated when it is in fact symptomatic of a general convivial nature that enlivens all who participate in it
Renkle- to upset someone emotionally by highlighting their flaws indirectly as through an awgrudge or a motion of flippant effrontery that balks at the haecceity of another person
Halvonk-To signal an amicable agreement on your own terms when you own the leverage of negotiation by making uncial concessions about minor points of contention but thrusting new items of hortatory clarity into your negotiosity
Cotopaxy- the peaceful armistice between warring covert tribes embedded within domestic think tanks between the tacenda but still maintaining hostile posture to interrogation
Autodimplage- A steep stark insecurity about a recurrent mannerism some might find eccentric that becomes flanged in misperception and recoils into sheepish resignation (especially applied to traits you cannot change that are related to both personality and appearance)
Plasmamium- the interrogation of physics at a deeply consequential level that requires a recursive itinerant imagination that can fathom the epiphenomena of the flux between states of matter and existence especially focused on Thermodynamics
2492. aeropleustic-related to aerial navigation
2493. adipic- relating to fatty substances
2494. ampelidious- relating to vines
2495.alveolate- like a honeycomb
2496. anatine- relating to ducks
2497. amphiscian- relating to torrid regions
2498. anguine- relating to snakes
2499. agrestic- relating to fields, rustic, unpolished
2500. acerate- resembling a needle
2501. areopagitic- relating to courts or tribunals
2502. auricular- spoken secretly
2503. campestral-relating to the country/level ground
2504.centrobaric- relating to the point of the center of gravity
2505. conative-relating to purposeful actions
2506. cothurnal- relating or pertaining to tragedy
2507. crenitic- pertaining to mineral springs
2508.delphinine- relating to dolphins
2509. denary- ten-fold
2510. diacoustic- relating to the refraction of sound
2511. edaphic- of like or pertaining to the soil
2512. emporeutic- relating to trade
2513. erotetic- engaged in rhetorical questioning’
2514. hesternal- pertaining to yesterday
this is for people in broken relationships. Relationships that stand on such weak grounds that you don’t really know if you should give this another try or get out of it. A broken relationship is like a deep wound that is a result of constant blows to your soul and heart, unintentionally and at times, intentionally. It is a hard decision but don’t ever give up unless you’ve tried to make it work from every way possible because you don’t want that guilt to linger on after you have broken up. At times many relationships are fragile just because that’s the way they are. It could be a union of two extremely sensitive people or two extremely strong-headed people. So, at times, a few little changes can help you save that relationship.
4. REMIND YOURSELF OF THE PERSON YOU FIRST FELL IN LOVE WITH
You and your partner were not always like this. Remind yourself of the way your partner was, the way you fell in love with them. Over the period of time, small things condition us to adapt and change. Remember, these changes are a result of incidents and external factors in your relationship. Find that faith in your partner again. Believe that there is still the same amount of goodness and love in your partner than when you first met them.
3. STOP FIGHTING, START FORGIVING
You have been fighting for so long and nothing good or positive has come out of it, ever. Your relationship has just gotten worse. All those bad words, hurtful statements and raised voices will only act as those blows that I was talking about. It’s time you stop all of that. Now that you are trying to find the same faith in your partner, forgive them. Know that your partner didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s time you forgive them for hurting you so you can actually work on the things that have damaged to your relationship.
2. IT’S TIME TO COMMUNICATE
Most of us in relationships don’t realise that many issues can be resolved with the right kind of communication. The right kind of communication is when you keep all of your other issues afar from the current situation and address the problem in simple words. Remember not to use a statement that, you know, might offend your partner. Another important action that needs to come into play is to show support. Whether you agree at first or not. Have the patience and courtesy to listen to your partner, even if they are wrong, hear them out and then clear things. Most fights are usually just simple misunderstandings that develop into bigger and badder things.
1. COMMIT YOURSELF AGAIN
Reassure your partner that you still love them. No one in this world can tell your partner how much you love them. Not their friends, not your friends and not even this article. The only person who has the power to reassure this to your partner is YOU. Tell them that you are ready to let go of the things they did to you and ask for forgiveness for the things you did to them. There is no ego when you love someone. Don’t think that asking for forgiveness makes your point any less important. When you forgive your partner and ask for forgiveness, you are allowing them to let go of the things they have been holding on to.

In the end, try and find the spark and the love you both had in the beginning of your relationship. Trust me, it is not that hard if you put your mind to it. We have all been there, I have been there and I eventually learned the hard way so I know its easier said than done. But, Hey! It’s worth a try, your relationship is worth a try.
Have you been in a broken relationship?
If yes, how did you come out of it? Did you manage to fix it and bring it back to what it used to be? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive!
Written by Serge Kahili King

There is a famous *Zen koan
(philosophical riddle) which asks,

"What is the sound of one hand clapping?"

The student of Zen is supposed to meditate on this riddle until some degree of insight or enlightenment occurs. *The tricky part is
that there is no right answer. What you are, or what you know, or what you believe, is what you get.

Although no longer an active student of Zen, I was recently meditating of the riddle of one hand clapping when I got an answer that might be useful to share:

The sound of one hand clapping is the same as the sound of two hands clapping.

How could that be, you ask (for the sake of this article
I am assuming that you do ask)? It's simple, I reply.
The concept of clapping implies that a sound is being produced by two surfaces coming into contact, even if only one of them is actually moving.
No sound, no clapping; no second surface, no sound. Yet, the riddle definitely states that there is a sound and that there is clapping.

Therefore, my answer follows logically.

Yes, I know, the answer to a koan is supposed to be beyond logic, but rest assured that the answer came intuitively. The logic came after.

Before you dismiss this as simply a bit of cleverness or a waste of time, let me tell you about the rest of the meditation. After the revelation that the sound of one hand clapping must be the same as the sound of two hands clapping, it struck me that this was a nice metaphor for two of the corollaries of the Second Principle of Huna.

The basic principle states that there are no limits, which implies that everything is in a relationship to everything else. And that implies that if you change one side of a relationship you change both sides.Even if only one hand changes its position relative to another, unmoving hand , a clapping sound will be produced.

We don't have to wait for both sides of a relationship to participate before bringing about beneficial change.
Change one side of that relationship and the other side has to change because the relationship has changed.

We use this idea a lot in teaching Huna.
For instance, in third-level healing work where we assume that

everything is a dream and everything is dreaming, we say that
~ if you change one dream you automatically change all related dreams.

So you can go to an imaginary garden and make changes to symbols of your life experience, and your life experience will change.

In second-level healing work where we assume that
everything is telepathically linked, we say that
~ if you begin to silently bless and forgive people with whom you are having difficulties, they will know it and they will begin to change their behavior toward you without a word being spoken.

And in first level healing, where
we assume that everything is separate but potentially interactive,
we teach that
~ if you smile and hug a lot you will tend to get a lot more smiles and hugs back, even from people who don't normally smile or hug.

Now what do you think would happen if you applied this idea to the whole of your life?

In a strained personal relationship, for example, instead of waiting for the other person to make the first move toward reconciliation you could start the process in your own mind, either by purposely creating a better opinion of the other person, or by imagining the two of you getting along with all of your differences.  Sorry, you can't control with your imagination what the other person thinks or does (it simply doesn't work), but you can use imagined persuasion just as you might in a face to face meeting. As in any form of persuasion, however, the more your persuasion is based on a benefit to the other person, the more successful it is likely to be.

In a strained global relationship, assuming our theory is valid
(which means workable). We might be able to get together even in a smallish group and and rethink ((or redream)) our relationship with one or both countries involved. Theoretically, of course, it ought to take only one person to make a change. On the other hand, the change of one person's relationship to a country might only produce a very small change, so the more people the better. The thing to remember, in this context, is that you are trying to change how you think or feel about the country, not trying to change the country. It's a subtle but important difference, and it applies to people as well as countries.

If this idea catches on we can introduce  "a Huna koan" ((the actual Hawaiian phrase is "nane huna," a hidden riddle or conundrum))

*"What is the sound of one person loving?"
Notes hand~written by
Impeccable Space
Poetic Śūnyatā
Integrity: adherene to moral principles, honesty..and the quality or condition of being whole..undivided.

Cheating:  to deprive someone of something valuable by use of deceit.

         Most, if not all of us, need, and very much desire physical intimacy (yes, sx).  Can I say sx  on here? ...I'm not sure. Sx is like the greatest thing ever invented. It's right up there with eating and sleeping.  Everybody likes it..everybody wants it. But when someone is in an exclusive relationship with another, married or not, you don't get to have sx with whoever you want anymore. True, everyone makes mistakes sometimes, no one is perfect, and at times we are weak, for one reason or another. But an honorable man or woman...a person with integrity and inner discipline...recovers..and learns from the mistake...and doesn't repeat it.  That is not what cheaters do.  Cheaters are habitual. That means repeat offenders.  Cheaters talk about things like honor and will power and integrity, but they don't practice it in the place it counts the most, with their beloved.  With cheaters, it isn't about a "mistake".... a one time thing they feel horrible about afterward and promise themselves never to repeat.  Cheaters simply don't care. It's not that they don't care about the girlfriend/boyfriend, or fiance or spouse that they have made a promise of committment to. They do care...they just care more about themselves. It is the promise of faithfulness itself that is meaningless to them...it is simply empty of any real sincerity.  But the problem is that the promise is accepted by the loved one as sincere.  That promise is relied upon and as important as though it were tangible.  So irrespective of how much the cheater spits upon the promise everytime he or she cheats...that promise is HOLY.  Yes, that's right..HOLY.  What does that mean...holy?  Like church holy..or holy water holy?  How is a promise holy?  Well, really one could argue that any promise is holy, but how much more so when a person believes and loves and trusts another...putting all of their faith and future hope on a promise of real love and commitment.  That trust and love make the promise holy.  It is not the hollow promise itself, but that loving reliance upon the promise that creates the holiness...the pure beauty of love... and the faith that it is returned exclusively to the beloved.

          The true sadness is that the beloved will eventually find out about the cheater and then the house of cards will come tumbling down.  Not only is the relationship destroyed, but the trust, faith, and love is destroyed as well, and it may be difficult to ever trust again, in any relationship.  Such immense pain can be caused.  It is amazing that cheaters don't seem to care or think about the consequences of these indiscretions.  Do any of them think ahead of time about the people and/or god forbid, children that will be left lying in the wake of their utterly selfish acts?  The people that will be left trying to pick of the pieces of their hearts, and try to rationalize whether anything that they had believed in was actually real.

          The question is, what and who does the cheater value?? What does the cheater respect?  Do they even value their own selves?  Does a person who thinks nothing of cheating on a regular basis, or every chance they get on their loved one value and respect anything?  Clearly there is no respect for the promise made. There is no respect for the one whom the cheater purports to love.  There is no respect for the man or woman the cheater is doing the cheating with...because clearly that person is just being used to fulfill a carnal desire..and arguably the cheater doesn't even respect him or herself, because a person with an inner moral compass respects him or herself enough not to do things that will cause pain to others, especially those who love him or her.

          So maybe the cheater does not have any real understanding of what is holy..the meaning of a promise...an understanding of integrity...of sacrifice...of the pure beauty of love.  If a man or a woman is in a relationship and can't keep their **** legs closed...then that person has no business being in a relationship.  Its just that simple.  You can't have your cake and eat it too, and then want to eat someone else's cake as well.  If you are so selfish and deceitful that you can't be honest and faithful to the one you profess to love...then do that person a favor and either agree with them to have an open relationship, or let them go.  Because the act of cheating is entirely selfish in every way.  Cheaters want the security and benefits of an ongoing relationship with their significant other, and they want to mess around on the side as well because then they have the best of both worlds.

          But you don't have to go to church or believe in any particular religion to know that cheating is wrong.  It is a hurtful despicable act made even more vicious because it is intentional and hurts the person who loves the perpetrator.  How many crimes are like that?  ....the most heinous.

          So, if you are a cheater..don't ever talk about honor and integrity and code of conduct.  You have no right to utter those words.  Because when you live by  principles of ethical behavior, you don't pick and choose when to apply those principles.  You don't decide that they apply in some areas of your life, on some days, but not on others.  Think before you act..think about who will suffer from your actions...think about the destruction you will cause...do not believe that you can get away with it forever, because eventually the law of the universe will catch up to you.  There is retribution for every act in which we inflict pain on another...for every time we make a promise and then break it..whether anyone ever knows about it or not...just some food for thought
Dolores L Day Nov 2015
Relationship
You used to bring such longing for me.
Such hope.
Such solace that,
Once I obtained the contents of your letters,
I could be happy.
I could be complete.

relationship
What a different *relationship
we have now.

relationship

GAH-     ****! Where did you come from??
I was just reading an article and there you were.
Sitting there.
Out of context of my constant thoughts, but I can't help but apply you.
I can't help but panic.

The word relationship. My new biggest fear.
The collection of the consonants and vowels that make up a vocalization for my soul anxieties.

Relationship
I cringe at thee.
Hours of pouring over videos, how-tos, books, guides, diy, people, you, me, him, her, them, we, us, future, communicate, self-love, expectations, desire, infidelity, falling in love, falling out of love, love, lust, true love, more self-love, thoughts, peace, gratitude, forever, temporary, fleeting, cheating, shame, truth, lies,
all in the ******* name of

Relationship

I could quit.

But how can you quit on someone
That is only eighteen years old
And has already based the foundation of their life on

you?
Sometimes you open yourself up to a person because you feel and believe that they're different and maybe this time they won't break your heart and that your love will be requitted. So you go out on a limb and open up so much of yourself to this person. Things that you're afraid to tell others about because of fear of being judged or rejected. But there's just something about this person that allows you to tell them everything. You become so comfortable in the presence of that person that you openly admit your flaws, you don't hide it. You just completely lose yourself in love and in the thought and concept of being loved, of being in a relationship and of being with someone that you can be yourself with. The idea of that person just completely excites you and everything about them makes you happy. Seeing them and hearing their voice just helps you in an inexplicable manner and being with them is an emotion of complete comfortability on its  own. You learn to love this person and you accept their flaws and differences. You accept how they might not necessarily love eating McDonalds as much as you do or they are crazy about sci-fi movies where you can't even get yourself past watching a chick flick.
But that's just it, you don't mind.
You don't mind because love is about sacrifices.
Its about sacrificing your weekly episode of The Vampire Diaries to watch the most recent sports updates.

Because you'd rather lose the argument than to lose the person. You'd sacrifice a part of your daily routine all for love. The worst part is that nothing is guaranteed. You're not guaranteed how long you will be in a relationship with this person. You're not guaranteed complete happiness and you're not guaranteed that things are going to be perfect. You just have to trust this person and have faith. Believe the best and hope that everything will work out for the. Best. Believe that even if you break up with this person, that you're going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok, and that new beginnings are perfectly acceptable. Believe that you're going to overcome heartbreak of any kind. You just have to believe that someone out there is looking for someone like you.
What others see Wrong in you just might be the exact thing that will make someone else fall in love with you. And you need to be realistic. Not all relationships last forever. Some relationships are there for lessons and experiences. So that very person that you completely open yourself up to, can break your heart. It could be during or even after the relationship.

But its all part of life I guess. You'll never know how to love someone wholeheartedly if you haven't been hurt before. You just have to turn your heartbreak in to something positive, make the most out of your situation. See the light in the darkness. But learn to deal with things too. Find closure in what happened to you and don't leave a relationship with unfinished business. Because unfinished business will have to be finished sooner or later, and I think sooner is better. Allow yourself time to heal too. Opening yourself up to someone that much can hurt you a lot, and everything you had with that person will be completely lost in an instant. And you're gonna need to come to terms with that. Remember that what's meant to be , will be.

Love, is a complicated thing, and you're never quite sure how things could possibly turn out to be. You're just gonna go out on a limb each time hoping for the best and patiently waiting for your happily ever after with a special person.
I'm in a relationship with Life,
and together we intertwine fingers as she pulls me in closer and closer
away from the edge of the world.

I'm in a relationship with Life,
and together we push each other to our limits
and when one stops beating the heart of the other is enough to keep us going.

I'm in a relationship with Life,
but I'm flirting with that dame in black named Sorrow
and she keeps tugging at my arm and flashing me a smile that begs for attention.

I'm in a relationship with Life,
but I'm starting to feel my shackles as she no longer works with me but against me,
and the jealousy she has perpetuates whatever happiness we might have together.

I'm in a relationship with Life,
but I'm now cheating with the comfort of Sorrow,
and I often sit alone in my room with her black veil near me
as the flowers slowly die outside.

I'm in a relationship with Life,
but she rarely comes around anymore,
and so she causes me to look at Sorrow in her eyes,
and wonder, "Where is my Life, anyway?"

---------------------------------------------------------------­----------------------------

I'm no longer in a relationship with life, for she has left me to **die.
Allyson Walsh Jan 2016
Late last night I had an epiphany. It could have been the cereal or the Siberia-like weather talking, but I had a newfound realization. It really was late. Late nights are great for overanalyzing. I could have been doing just that. Yet, this morning, I was reminded of my revelation.

You and I live in a generation full of selfishness. Narcissism in relationships, in particular.

That was it. That was my epiphany. Maybe I'm just late coming into the game. Maybe everyone around me made this connection before. But I hadn't.

I am patient. I like to think it's a positive quality of my personality. But, my patience tends to roll over into being a push-over. And all of the men I have been with treated me as such. Many of them used me for their selfish advantages.

Before I start ranting on and on and give you the backstory of each of my relationships, I want you to know that I'm focusing on what ended the relationship, or what caused the downfall. It was selfishness.

But, it wasn't outright selfishness. It was narcism in disguise.

Every "break up" conversation from his side started off with an "I'm sorry". Then, he would give me a bunch of half-hearted reasons as to why things weren't working out. Finally, he would end with an "I'm doing this for me."

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about being there for yourself. Sometimes, we need to find out who we are as a person. That exploration can be muddled when you're pursuing something new.

But as I was letting the cereal digest and watching the ice form on my windows, I finally realized it. Many men of this generation are selfish. Selfish to the point of self-sabotage.

Within the last year, I've briefly and not-so-briefly dated three men. These were their break-up lines:

Man #1. "This is the year I start getting into my major. I feel like I need to figure myself out. I'm doing this for me. I need this."

Man #2. "I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have tried to get into a relationship with someone right before I was headed back to school. I need to do this for me. I need to be able to figure myself out."

Man #3. "I've always felt trapped in Minnesota. I need to go to Arizona for me. I don't have time for you. I can't focus on a relationship right now. I need to focus on my life, my job, and my schooling, for me."

You might be reading this and thinking that I'm great at whining. I'm just a girl who's bitter, burnt out, or hurt over what once was. You might be thinking that I choose all the wrong guys; that I'm prone to "bad guys". But I'm none of those things.

All three of these men were different. All three came from different backgrounds, different states, were various ages, had various personalities, and different interests. Man #1 was shy to the nth degree. Man #3 was extremely outgoing. Man #2 was well-off. Man #3 worked a minimum-wage job and scraped by. Man #1 was an athlete at heart. Man #3 loved metal and Netflix. Every man was different... yet they all had one similar commodity.

They were selfish.

Each one asked himself, "what am I getting out of this? What's in it for me?"

Maybe I was intimate with them. Maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was the one with the car or the finances. Maybe I wasn't. The situations were different in each of the three relationships. So, I have a feeling that none of these factors influenced each man's decision.

They were selfish. That's the only way I can pinpoint the end of each relationship down.

I'm not saying that all men are dogs. I'm not even saying "To hell with men!" Although, a part of me understands that relationships weren't meant to be viewed with this mentality. The whole, "what's in it for me?" forefront is the exact opposite of what a relationship should be.

And that's where my conclusion stops. I've finally realized that many men of this age are egocentric... but I don't know what to do about it. I now know what I don't want in a relationship. Now, I can see the red flags clearly. But I'm unsure of where things are headed.

What I do know is that I won't settle for selfishness. I won't settle for a man who wants to know what he can "get" out of a relationship. I won't settle for a man who puts half of his heart into something and keeps the other half for himself.

I will wait for someone who is willing to ask himself what he can do for me... not what I can do for him. I will wait for someone who will put all of himself into a relationship. I will wait for someone who will leave his selfish mentality behind and put me first. I will wait.

Sure, no man is perfect. You might be thinking that I've put my standards too high. But I deserve high standards. I deserve to be looked at as rare, beautiful, and treasured. I wasn't meant to be cast to the side for selfish reasons; for "finding myself" or "doing this for me".

I was meant for more, and I won't settle for anything less.
For myself.

Not poetry. This may be my last longer "essay" or "letter" piece for a while.
Purcy Flaherty Jan 2018
Initially she began contacting me over the course of a year or so and increasingly over the last few months she started visiting me, helping me, caring for me and occasionally employing me in different ways.

She’d just had a break up a few weeks before, explaining that things hadn’t been right in the relationship for some time!

She presents herself as respectful, thoughtful, gentle, kind and considerate and after what seemed to be a very short length of time; unexpectedly declared that she had feelings for me; regarding love, admiration, desire and some other adventures.

She then began to bombarded me with love talk; occupying around 70% of my time gaining my trust, I was swept off my feet; she took a great deal of interest in me, learning everything about me, what I liked, where I would go, always asking what I was thinking feeling, how she could help and I was flattered and she was charming, though a little awkward at times.

As our friendship grew she started sharing her back story, including some tragic life experiences; she vilified her past lovers, and ex-partners and branded them as crazy, or bitter liars and troubled souls; slowly gaining my sympathy, whilst securing my allegiance, and keeping me on side; keeping me close; drawing on my compassion loyalty & trust!

During intimate moments she would sometimes seem a little awkward, false, over enthusiastic, or a little insincere and I made allowances for this given my knowledge of her backstory. Re: (The tragic life events & experiences)

She began to choose and buy me clothes; outfits, take me shopping, gradually altering my outward image and appearance.

She introduced me to her friends; but was careful to keep me and them at arms-length, I realise now that she was building an alternative profile of me in their minds and that the people she introduced to me rarely exhibited the behaviours or characteristic that I was led to expect.

She soon started to embroil me in her own rituals and compulsive behaviour’s, explaining that tasks needed to be performing in very specific ways to prevent her getting distressed!

She made many promises : ‘Hooked’ It was my expectation i.e. waiting for some of those promises to materialise that kept me hanging on; This increased her control and exited her too. (None of her promises came to fruition!)

She gradually had a hand in almost every aspect of my life i.e. my home, my work, my friends, family, my finances, the way I dressed, the food I ate and many other things besides, much of which I didn’t realise until our relationship was finally over.

She often took immense pleasure in duping, individuals or companies out of something through theft, shoplifting, or getting something for nothing, a profiteer, a chancer!


To question or challenge her authority would result in seeing her façade slip and watch her decline into meltdown. It's at that point, she would lose composure, and I would see her irrationality come to the fore; revealing the real person underneath; childish, contrived and very fragile; It’s as if control is the glue that holds her together, without it she just falls apart, during this time she can’t be consoled and it’s impossible to calm this escalating situation; in fact; at this point that she would attempt to regain control by ‘gas-lighting’ me, she would distort the truth; who said what; in an attempt to damage my self-esteem, to make me question my own mind, my words, my intention and any actions, apportioning blame, pointing fingers, making me feel guilty, use rejection, or using hurt, sorrow, tears, shame and even threaten liable or legal action, and then use *** to pacify or regain control over me and my actions.

These episodes would appear often; though irregular and without provocation, I would always be deemed at fault! I found silent compliance was less stressful than engaging in discussion.    

She never took responsibility or made any apologies for her conduct.

She would set me tasks and go out a lot and lie or bend the truth as to where she had been; I never challenged this behaviour!

When the relationship was finally deemed over! I was both devastated and relieved.


I began to see my new position in the cycle; as she immediately begin to vilify me in order to give credence to her new backstory, I felt very confused, disorientated and emotionally fraught, shell shocked! questioning, how much of our relationship was true and how much was a lie? For everything I thought I knew was now knitted together with a very complex web of loyalties, lies and half-truths.

Her pattern of repetitive and controlling behaviours have seemingly remained unchanging throughout all her relationships!; (I know! as I was contacted by many of her previous partners and other casualties since I shared this account.)

Within two weeks of being apart she told me that she had fallen in love (My replacement) someone she’d had her eye on for some time, some-one she admires, someone kept in the background, a friend a mutual acquaintance, and thanked me for bringing them together.
The grooming of her new lover would have come about in exactly the same way as previously described. It's her M.O. (Her pattern of behaviours, her techniques have remained fixed.)

She’s incredibly self-conscious, her biggest fear is that other people will find out about her true demeanour, her image and appearance is everything to her. She's afraid that people will shun her for being so very different. She is a wolf, that’s not a malevolent creature par-say; and quite beautiful and beguiling in her own way but you don’t want to be her pray.

Full circle:
I too have joined the ranks of the discredited; labelled a liar, troubled, bitter and crazy. (I Know this because secretly contacted members of my, family, friends and some fellow musicians; and they shared these conversations with me.) I suspect that she may even attempt to vilify me with authorities or threaten some form of legal action; as she has to others in the past!

I'm still drawn to her despite my knowledge of her sociopathic nature, and all the things that go with it, her charismatic boldness, her ****** power and her Svengali like intelligence.

I’ve had to block all means of contact and cut her off entirely to curtail my pathological interest, for despite everything that’s transpired, her lies, her infidelity, her deceit and appalling behaviour, I feel no malice towards her; quite the opposite, I'm drawn, intrigued, bewitched, beguiled by the person hiding underneath the façade!

Now the dust has finally settled; I’ve somehow remained sound of mind, and I don’t feel guilty anymore; I’m aware that I’ve been manipulated into thinking and acting in ways that don’t truly represent my character; and that I’m just one of many people seduced by a sociopath.

She’s just another natural human variant , an attractive person devoid of empathy for others, that’s developed a narrow set of skills and mirroring behaviours, that allows her to blend into mainstream society in order to feel safe, secure and in control.

She would have preferred to keep me hanging on, like many other dependants, adding me to the hareem; a bank of beguiled individuals that she occasionally calls upon to perform simple tasks, or to simply monitor and re-assess her handwork.

The last time I saw her she opened with nervous politeness and finished with veiled cruelty, I left feeling drained, uncomfortable and quite fazed.

I’ve written this account to help further understand what had transpired during this complicated relationship, I’m not sure publishing this account will be useful as to others.

But I’ve not mentioned any names; and at any rate the next person targeted; will ignore any pre-warnings as just bitter ramblings, and most individuals are driven by the natural pursuit of love, *** and romance rather than following advice of some seemingly bitter ex.

Bittersweet! The reason you and I might attract the attention of a sociopath is because we shine like stars; stars are both attractive and further enhance the image and status of the sociopath and the people around them; a sociopath will orbit a shiny star and use its energy to slingshoting into a larger more attractive orbit, either stealing a bit of its shine or destroy it in the process; To these people love, *** and desire is simply a tool for manipulation and gain.

Expect high drama.
She loves to watch you *** unstuck!
Emily Oct 2013
Being in a relationship is new
It's been quite a long time
I must admit
But it is nice
To be back in it

Being in a relationship is sweet
Knowing he is there
Always trying not to stare
Loving unconditionally
To my heart, he has the key

Being in a relationship is gentle
Having someone
To caress you lovingly
To kiss you passionately
To care about you deeply

Being in a relationship is special
Both love like they breathe
And accept each other for all
There is no judgement
They just continue to fall

Being in a relationship is safe
My male counterpart
Always keeps me in mind
Thinking of only my needs
Never met anyone so kind

Being in a relationship
It's a mighty blessing
Don't let it get away
Or that will be depressing
© Peyton 2013
Sam Conrad Dec 2013
So I've got this story...
And it goes a little something like this-

There's a girl that I hurt really bad on way too many occasions that I love more than anything. Pretty much everything I write on here is about her. She became the love of my life, and I told myself she was the one I wanted to spend my life with. Except I was a ****. She was going somewhere to an event that lasted 2 weeks and was really important to her and let's just say I ****** it all up really really bad. She made a lot of friends there and it was a great experience for her, kind of like camp is for some people, how boy/girl scouts are for some people, and she learned a lot there, and had lots of fun too. I was so horrible to do what I did.

At least we're young though, and there's still time to grow...right? I'm only 18, she's almost 18, and we both have lives to live ahead of us. I feel like I need her though. She treated me perfectly in our relationship. I mean, looking back, there's nothing I can fault her for, at all. I just got ****** at stupid crap that doesn't even matter.

Except, she's into somebody else now and probably thinks I'm no good for her. She doesn't talk to me anymore. Anyway, I'm rambling, I haven't gone to bed, I took a bunch of pills, am getting sick, and it's 7 AM...so here goes. This story is somewhat censored, though.

_________________­___________
"The Worst Weeks of Our Lives"

I met this girl and she became the love of my life. She took me places I'd never gone before and her and I fell in love like some people wouldn't believe. Ask my friends. Ask her friends. No, her friends probably wouldn't admit to it anymore. But I choose to remember the things they said. Kids were like totally rooting for us all day every day. We were so perfect. It was great.

So with a few mistakes here and there, (mostly me...all me, really) we realized we weren't perfect. But it didn't hamper out love. Nobody is perfect, right? We realized that. Overcame.

But then, we went too far. Her parents drew lines we weren't supposed to cross. Oopsies. Her mom really put me in my place. I'll just leave it at that. Asked me when my 18th birthday was, so she could mark her calendar as the "day she could touch me". Told me I was a liar. Husband in the background drunk and screaming, as usual. Except screaming "that ***** ain't sorry. He ain't ******* sorry, ******* ******* marking up my ******* daughter I can show him how to be ******* sorry"

Lots more. I'll go crazy if I speak the rest. It was a hickey on her neck. We didn't do much more.

I got really scared. I mean, they were brutal. I wasn't used to that kind of brutal. Psychotic levels of brutal. All of the sudden I became numb. I stopped being so intimate with my girlfriend. They told me not to come around their house anymore. I started doubting myself. If I was any good for her. She cried and cried. Told me how sorry she was. For getting us in trouble, and for what her parents did. But it wasn't her fault. After all, I am the vampire that bit her neck.

After a few weeks, her parents dropped it completely. I didn't though. I was so traumatized. I'd been getting flashbacks. Nightmares. So scared, I was. I kept avoiding her, not only her parents. I mean, I didn't have a car anyways, so the only place I could go to see her was at her house. She reassured me I was allowed. But with no contact with her parents since the phone call that changed my life I was reluctant.

This was around 2 months before she was going to go to a 2 week event. A special event to her. One I'd even wished I'd gotten involved in. Really, I did wish. I just missed the application deadline. Throughout the next two months, we grew more and more distant. I was harsh on her. I hurt her. I'd get mad at her and then call her and talk to her until 3 in the morning. I made her hate herself, and then she felt bad about me feeling sorry too. "You always force yourself to be nice to me just so I feel better, but I'm ****, I'm trash, I'm nothing, I'm so sorry" she would say. Most of the time, she didn't even do anything wrong. One of my best friends died at the same time her parents killed me inside, I spent all my days sleeping and crying and when I wasn't doing that, I was getting angry at her (and quickly regretting it), manufacturing conflicts that were completely unnecessary. Not to mention I'd had health issues, and my parents kicked me out of my house a few months beforehand.

In the time before she left to her special event, I really tore her up. I said the dumbest things I've ever said to someone in my life. I'd never even said such dumb things to even an object, or myself. Why I would say them to a girl who saved me from suicide (I was very unstable and depressed when coming out of a bad relationship, and getting kicked out of home) and why I said it all to someone I wanted to spend my life with I'll never know.

The dumbest things I'll ever say to anything that breathes in my lifetime. I told her one night that the "only reason I was still with her was because if I left she'd hurt herself" (she had a history of self harm, even though she's the sweetest girl I've ever met) and another night I told her "If only she were going somewhere important I'd understand" and lots of other insensitive and selfish things that I can't even believe came out of my mouth. I mean, the whole basis of it was that her and I hadn't spent much time together (really because of my own selfish fears) and I was going all *** on her testosterone-fueled-rage style for days over and over and over.

Don't I sound like a horrible person? I was. I was horrible to her. As much as I hate to say it, I'll probably make similar mistakes again someday - It's like relapsing - but I'll make every effort I can to learn from my horrible past and never be that person again.

So when she went to the event, I was with my grandparents out of state and I downloaded my favorite sad playlist (Staind, great band) to listen to on the trip.

Yes, seriously. I told her that stuff and called her event unimportant and then I went away too. How stupid I was for what I said. I should have been slapped or something.

A day or two after I'd left, I realized how stupid it was of me. For the whole thing. That whole time. That whole span, those two months where I not only neglected her, but emotionally ****** her.

There's a song called "Tangled Up In You" that has the most wonderful and intimate lyrics and I listened to it and sung to it over and over and over late into the morning (I'm talking 3-4 in the morning) every night for like 10 days and along with a song called "Right Here" by the same band. I cried myself to sleep so extremely ashamed of what I'd just done to her.

I knew I was wrong, but what I didn't know was that she was crying her eyes out wrapped up in (someone else)'s arms at that event...
I didn't know she was getting all kinds of love and support.
I had no idea...not that it was bad, it was good because she needed it.

But it got her to thinking about me, what kind of person I was.
When we both got back, I started making more of an effort to spend time with her and go out of my way to talk to her, make her happy, and basically, stop being such a ****.
Except she just got confused and conflicted because she was numb and falling out of love, because I was nothing that anyone should love, to her, over that prior time.

Her mom broke us up about a month later, after some...you know what, I'll just leave that bit out...
I told you how the first phone call went. The phone calls I got from her and her husband in the end were just so much worse. I don't even want to think about them. I went into convulsions and kept dropping the phone.

I went back to these two songs to help keep my sanity and I belted out "Tangled Up In You" every day in my car... so loud I was losing my voice.

I'd had some communication with her, surprised her at her work one night, bought her flowers, wrote her my true feelings on some napkins, showed up when she got out of school one day, when she was deathly afraid, and surprised her with a smile and drew a heart on her hand...

Her and I were on the same page. She still loved me. She was just hurt. I still loved her. I was just trying to make up for the compromised mental state I spent so much time in. I had compromised hers too. I needed to get her out of it. She told me she would wait for me. That we were in a speed bump, that it would all be okay.

So some weeks passed, a month, and she still had my back. As strong as ever. Her parents found out I bought the flowers. They found out I'd been talking to her. But...

Knowing she still had my back, that she still loved me, and that she would wait for me...she called what her mom did (in breaking us up, in our break) a "speed bump"...I was okay with it. I mean, I really wanted to be a part of her life, but man, her parents HATED ME! (In retrospect, probably with good reason. Shame on me for the things I did to her. Really.)

We had some major issues (mostly due to my inability to shut my stupid mouth) and I decided that maybe some time to ourselves to focus on ourselves and think was a good thing. She could focus on loving herself again and I could focus on becoming a better person.

I mean, when her parents found out her and I were still talking to each other after they broke us up, they blocked my number on her phone, went to my church and made up extra stories to my pastor, (told him I'd came and banged on their door at one in the morning one night), when I called to apologize to them they didn't pick up, called me back later to cuss me out and hang up on me, logged into their daughters facebook account and blocked me, then told their daughter that I had called them when she was sleeping and cussed them both out, and that she was to have nothing to do with me again. They threatened legal action against me, too. Tried to make my life hell. They didn't want me around their daughter, ever again. A blind rage that went on for a very long time until every communication route was blocked.

She went to school and told her friends the false stories her parents told her, and her friends already didn't like me...I mean just look at what I had done before...it wasn't good. Not for me, anyway. Also her. She felt duped. Used. By her parents. She didn't know who to trust or what was real. Everyone was telling her how horrible I was.

I got a chance to talk to her one day. We talked for hours, face to face. Sat in the cold and talked. It was an amazing talk. We caught each other up completely on our lives. We talked about our love. Our past. Our emotions. All of them. Good and bad. But we told each other we'd always love each other. She stuck by me, and also reassured me that she always would. I left that conversation feeling so secure. The most I'd felt since way before I'd become a total **** to her. When her and I were so deep in love.

She's always wanted to go far away from college. She told me stories of her past and what her parents did to her, what she did to herself that were not good. Not good at all. She wanted to get away from her parents.

Meanwhile I was so caught up in the feelings she gave me when I was in her arms, I almost couldn't handle the fact that she wanted to leave. I pleaded for her to stay, in a time that her and I were both unstable and it was already taboo that we were even on the same property. But still, she said "she wanted to stay" because her and I work so well together...when we work together, that is, and I and her were both determined to work together. I told her I would do anything for her. In all of it though, I told her that the decision was in her hands and I would still love her the same if she left, and that I would wait for her. Because I loved her more than anything.

After that talk, things got quiet. I guess, too quiet. I was legally bound to stay away from her. I talked to someone she worked with and asked them to tell her hello for me. I thought though, we were on good terms following the talk, I thought she'd be elated to hear from me.

She never responded.

One day, a couple weeks later, she told me I really needed to get over her. That she didn't love me like that anymore. She told me she'd been falling out of love since the summer, and she'd gone crazy and needed space. She said she wanted to be friends, but no relationship. No relationship anymore. She said she couldn't handle it. She said she couldn't handle a relationship in general.

She made that message a bit accusatory. I'd been talking to two friends, one who I'd known for years and a new one I'd just made. Both overlapping friends with hers. Those two helped keep me sane.

She started that message with "I heard you've been messaging my friends, and to be honest, I haven't had the heart to message you back." She repeated multiple times that I needed to get over her. She told me that it wasn't anyone else's influence too. She even listed people. People who'd separated us. Hurt me. Hurt her, in a way, but encouraged her in others.

At the same time, she blocked me on facebook again. She had unblocked me when she found out her parents did it for her. Odd though...I thought she wanted to be friends. I mean, it was like the only way I was able to have her in my life at all. To read her facebook posts and her read mine. To have discussions with friends. We have a lot of overlapping friends.

Man, she killed me. One second I thought she was my soul mate and the next I was in the bathroom puking my guts out because she was telling me we'd never be together again.


So fast forward to today...I still love her. And she's basically in a relationship with someone else. She's also either on the fence about her sexuality, or decided she doesn't like boys anymore. I feel bad about that too. Its like I ruined male relationships for her. It's only been a few weeks since she told me I needed to get over her. She doesn't talk to me anymore. I go to high school events even though I graduated last year just to see her. When I don't approach her, she ignores me. I'm just another person in the room. When I do approach her, she has such a scared look on her face. She doesn't want to talk to me, but she can't be mean to me. She's falling in love with someone else and she's getting happier. She doesn't need me showing up everywhere just to depress her.

Yet I keep bothering her. Because I'm a sucker for her. I can't help it. I love her. I want her to be my future. But at this point I'm grasping at straws. So hard. I shouldn't be trying anymore. But I'll end up trying until the day I die. And only then will I stop believing in her and I. I know it's a pipe dream. But I'll hold onto it. Because it's the only thing I have left of myself now.

Last night, (I mean, right before I wrote this around 5 AM, it is now 8 AM) I played those two songs again. I forgot they were at the end of my playlist and I started shivering and crying my eyes out. I got chills. I got so cold. The tears just ran. They ran down my face faster than I've cried in a long, long time.

I'm only okay right now because I took a bunch of pills. Pills that have this kind of effect on me. They make me kind of numb. Kind of happy. Upper and downer both.

That's pretty much, my sad ending to a sad story.
I'm living the kind of life that only people like Shane Koyczan know how to explain to people.

Ironically, she loves Shane Koyczan.
I do too.
We grew up in broken homes and lived broken lives until we found each other.
Then we broke each other.

But she's falling for someone else, because I wasn't what I should have been to her, and she knows
But she doesn't believe in me anymore, the way I believe in her...because I wasn't what I should have been to her, and she can't hold onto me when I'm a 50/50 chance, of bringing her down again.
If only she would let me hug her again, kiss her one more time...I could die happy, knowing I poured all my heart and soul out into that last kiss.
But I'm a gamble. And she can't put her heart out on the line for someone who wasn't always good to her. She used to call me her "sweet boy" and she still tells me I'll always be her "sweet boy", but the fact of the matter is, it doesn't cut it to only be sweet s
I needed to write this. I've been going crazy. I told her I needed to talk to her but she's been avoiding me. If she reads this, I know its hard for her. There are more explanations I need to give her, I hope she will let me speak to her someday. I've found out a lot about myself in just the last few weeks. Stuff I don't talk about in this story. To you, my dear...if you read this, I'm sorry. I know it's tough. Its very tough. But look at the positive, dear. I'll keep living. Maybe I'll be okay someday. Your happiness is what matters to me. If you're happy, I'll keep myself going. I'm going to go to sleep now. Finally, I have some peace.
My dear BELOVED

You are YOU
It be not because I think of you
That is why you are the best
It is because you are the BEST
That is why I think of you

And it is because you are the BEST-EST
That is why I LOVE you

I'm proud of your success
Your success is my success

Our Relationship is
Support plus inter-exchangeable
Celebration, Delighting
In what you choose to do
Thoughtfulness towards your work
Honor and dignity towards each other
Making mutual choices of
What you really want
I am Subservient
Nothing bad when you are my leader
Losing power is the key for me

Losing masculinity & femininity, gender roles
Adds that respect and
Develops material & Paternal feelings
For each other's needs

I ask:
Does your privilege position
Maintain our relationship?
Absolutely NOT!

We value professional and
Personal submission to each other

We have decided to throw out
Defining labels, being judgmental
of any type towards each other
We accept each other as we are

With existing self-contentedness,
Self-egoism in individuals and society
Such relationship Wont survive selfishness

Respect, trust, communication
Drives our relationship
We invest in future together
NO NO to money when in
Comes to our relationship

Our last words:
Keep up with LOVE
Interdependence, Equality,
Fulfill LOVE
Ode to #100women #100womendebate @LucyHockingsBBC @BBCWorld on Relationships debate on BBC dated 1 December 2015 16:30 hours (GMT)
You don’t really want to talk to them on the phone
No one talks much on the phone any way. But when it comes to relationships, especially new ones, you want to talk to them, and the frequency might reduce as the relationship goes on, but the anticipation should remain ever the same. If this changes, it’s pretty obvious that you don’t really want to talk to them.
They aren’t the first ones to hear any good news you get
The relationship you have with them isn’t like any other relationship. You should want to share everything with them, and at the very moment that it happens. If they’re not the first ones to pop into your head when you have good news to share, it’s a definite sign.

You’re arguing over petty things
Arguments find their way in every relationship. You just can’t avoid them. Depending on how you deal with them could either damage or strengthen your relationship. However if you fight over something as insignificant as making the coffee too strong, it’s time you think about what’s actually causing this annoyance. It definitely has to be something much more than that, something about the relationship that isn’t right.
Emma Chatonoir Apr 2013
Be in a relationship
My conscience said
Don’t be in a relationship
The rest of the world said
My conscience said
He was wonderful
The rest of the world said
He’d only break my heart
He was wonderful
An angel
He’d only break my heart
When Justin Bieber hit puberty
An angel
Almost flawless
When Justin Bieber hit puberty
He would stop caring
Almost flawless
But oh so flawed
He would stop caring
What others thought
But oh so flawed
He was judged too
What others thought
Was more apparent than what I thought
He was judged too
For liking me
Was more apparent than what I thought
He was teased
For liking me
And for me liking him
He was teased
I was ashamed
And for me liking him
I finally confessed one day
I was ashamed
But it was mutual
I finally confessed one day
I’d been hiding it for months
But it was mutual
And that was what mattered
I’d been hiding it for months
But I would have him forever
And that was what mattered
Don’t be in a relationship
But I would have him forever
Be in a relationship.
Similar to Bad Romance, another poem written about my relationship that almost wasn't.
Gulshan bhardwaj Aug 2014
A relationship is a connection between two individuals. When two people fall in love it has become a loving relationship. The relationship has moved from two people simply in contact with each other to two people who can't get enough of each other. A loving relationship may build slowly like a train coming in the distance until when it get to you it emits a deafening roar. Or you may be two people totally oblivious to the relationship that is developing when suddenly you are hit with the realization that you have fallen in love.
polka Jan 2018
have you ever put yourself in the middle of a toxic relationship?
what a curious question to ask,
probably not, no, no.

because you love yourself,
or at least, have the basic instincts
of self-preservation
or maybe you're equipped to handle these things
well, i wasn't.

being in the middle of a toxic relationship,
things tend to be warped.
you aren't dealing with an unstoppable force
and an immovable object
but rather, two immovable objects
and two unstoppable forces
simultaneously.

you're usually forced to pick a side
no matter how adamant you are about
how there is no "side", i tell them,
i tell them,
there is you, and there is you, and there is me,
and you've brought me here to help
not to harm
and the weird notion that there ever was a "side"
in something that is supposed to be a relationship,
is nothing but harmful,
detriment, painful,
unhelpful.

but, this does little to nothing,
because in the middle of a toxic relationship,
the two are worn down,
torn down,
stripped bare until you have their most inner instincts
their most inner thoughts,
their inner child,
and we all know
a child doesn't listen

in the middle of a toxic relationship,
the only thing they can seem to agree on
is when i'm wrong, when i've done bad,
when i'm in the wrong

but when you've been in the middle of a toxic relationship
for long enough,
it eventually wears you down, to the point where you're patience is gone,
finished,
extinct,
and eventually, you're forced to choose a side

when you're in a toxic relationship,
my advice,
is to run.

— The End —