today i give you my everything.
all on the line.
feedback, and interpretation.
i try to understand,
and force myself to a conclusion.
but intentions left obscure:
fear keeping them unattainable.
i look at my past,
and i see guilt, regret, and pain.
i should be quiet.
if you let them in,
they will hurt you.
but i take another look,
and realize something.
if these words are never said,
they will never be heard.
is it worth a shot,
to peel another layer back?
all the blood and tears that I wasted all this years
come from the pain and hurt, that I continue to fear
I'm left alone, left behind from anything possible
I'm not disrespectful nor irresponsible
so why was I lonely most the time
I did nothing more then just a couple crimes
I'm different, I know that for a fact
doesn't mean I have to get attacked
I dream and cry just like all the rest
I don't want to keep getting treated like I'm a lab rat test
I don't blend in with the colors of the walls
why is it that I never get invited to go the mall?
why is it that I don't get asked if I'm alright?
why I'm the person they always want to fight?
I must be a figure that looks like it needs to get beat
might as well throw me in a lions den, since I'm just a piece of meat
it's hurtful and sad that I get told to die
that the only friends I have aren't humans but flies
I'm not the best looking guy in world, I get that
doesn't mean you have to bash my skull with a bat....
"Sorry, Austin...not for us...Best with it."
"Four Verses of Inexpressive Groaning,
and 15 Ughs to be Sung in Beethoven's 9th. "
Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
It has been a while i waited.
I have discovered the little hope i have,
Why try be to better when all you have done is reject me.
You speak in riddles and forget.
I once was the one who was your pillar,
everyday i would be that shoulder you leaned on,
but today i have become that rejected corner-stone.
Is it me or is it what you missing?
I have watched you everyday,
becoming bitter than am i afraid to talk.
You threw away that little bit of me that kept me happy and left me weary like a rejected corner-stone
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something to stand out in someone's life for as long as they live
if you want to get a laugh or a genuine smile,
then browse my toy shop and stay for a while
my toys are not pretty, but they're unique and bold
and each comes with their own special story, when sold
if you're trying to wow someone strange that you love
then the rejected toy shop is the one to speak of
there are monsters and clowns, creepy things all around
when folks have seen these toys, they have rarely frowned
so if you are a fan, and my art you enjoy
check out my shop, and purchase a toy
Heart's been broken
The story ended
On how a misspoken
Word cannot be translated.
I couldn't say that I loved you first
Nor could I say that I loved you last
And now I'm planning things I shouldn't do
Like saying, that I hated you too?
So, just ignore the bad words here
My mind is already fucked up
The cusses were once holy too
But the people kept messing things up.
So I never had the time to say:
"I'm fucking in love with your demon soul"
I was craving for pleasure
Begging for blood, more specifically.
I said I was in pain! No, no. I am the pain
So just die in a hole
Let the worms eat you
Let me touch you
I wanna be alone
I want you to be here with me
I want you to die
I want you to kiss me
I want you to fall, hardly.
I want you to stay.
I used to watch her a lot
In pe class one day
She was running
And she jumped right next to me
And there must have been a draft
maybe it had to do with my breathing
but her baggy shirt flew up
and she wasn't wearing a bra
Only half the girls were at this point
And I saw her nipple
She rejected my advances
Later in the year
But she couldn’t make me unsee what I saw,
Before I was born,
My mother wanted to name her child Kaitlyn
As the firstborn,
That should have been me
Kaitlyn was my mother's favorite name
But as soon as I was born
She looked at me
I just took one look
I could never be her Kaitlyn
Three years later she tried again
Now her Kaitlyn was born
Innocent little girl.
My mother calls me
"The trouble child"
I cause trouble
I am not good enough
I am not her Kaitlyn
Now I am named Nicole
My mother wanted her child to be Kaitlyn
She loved the name Kaitlyn
Was I not good enough?
Why was I not her Kaitlyn?
“Hindi kita iiwan, pangako yan”
Ito ang mga huling salitang binitawan
Binabalik-balikan ng aking isipan
Hindi na alam kung alin ang imahinasyon sa totoo
Pero ito pala ang totoo
Nagmahal ako ng todo at nadurog ako
Nadurog na tila isang salaming
Tinitignan mo lang para ipaalala sa sarili mong gwapo ka
Matapos nito ay babalewalain
Maniwala ka sa’kin nagsimula kami sa magandang istorya
Isa akong prinsesang noon ay napaniwala ng tadhana
Nahulog sa matatamis niyang ngiti
Nahulog sa malalambing niyang mensahe
Nahulog sa kaniyang malamig na tinig
Nahulog ng walang sumasalo
Nadurog sa pagbitaw mo
At dahil na-ikwento ko na rin naman ang mga ito
Lubos kong ikasasaya kung mauunawaan mo ako
Sana maintindihan mong mahirap ang makalimot
Sana maintindihan mong sariwa pa ang sugat
Sana maintindihan mong hindi mabilis ang paghilom
Lalo na kung sa puso ang tama nito
Sana maintindihan mong ayoko nang mahulog
Dahil basag na basag na ako
Sana maintindihan mong hindi ko pa kayang
Sa takot na muling masaktan
Sa takot na hindi masklian ang labis kong pagmamahal
Sa takot na muling ipagpali sa iba
Sa takot na maiwan mag-isa
Naiintindihan ko namang handa kang maghintay
Na sa akin ka nakabatay
Pero tigilan na natin ‘to
Tigilan na natin ang kalokohang ito
Dahil hindi ko na kayang magpanggap
Na kaya ko na
hindi ko na kayang magpanggap
Na wala akong nararamdaman
Dahil hanggang ngayon nasasaktan pa din ako
Ang sakit sakit pa din
Kaya tigil-tigilan mo na ang pag-asang yan
Dahil minsan na akong nilamon ng sistemang yan
Minsan na din akong tumambay
Sa lugar na tinatawag nilang ere
Ngayon pa lang sasabihin ko nang
Wala kang pag-asa
Siguro dahil hindi pa talaga ito ang panahon
At hindi ikaw ang inilaan ng panginoon
Siguro kailangan mo munang ayusin ang sarili mo
Dahil kahi anong pili mo
Hindi nauutusan itong puso ko
My sun has set, I dwell
In darkness as a dead man out of sight;
And none remains, not one, that I should tell
To him mine evil plight
This bitter night.
I will make fast my door
That hollow friends may trouble me no more.
"Friend, open to Me."--Who is this that calls?
Nay, I am deaf as are my walls:
Cease crying, for I will not hear
Thy cry of hope or fear.
Others were dear,
Others forsook me: what art thou indeed
That I should heed
Thy lamentable need?
Hungry should feed,
Or stranger lodge thee here?
"Friend, My Feet bleed.
Open thy door to Me and comfort Me."
I will not open, trouble me no more.
Go on thy way footsore,
I will not rise and open unto thee.
"Then is it nothing to thee? Open, see
Who stands to plead with thee.
Open, lest I should pass thee by, and thou
One day entreat My Face
And howl for grace,
And I be deaf as thou art now.
Open to Me."
Then I cried out upon him: Cease,
Leave me in peace:
Fear not that I should crave
Aught thou mayst have.
Leave me in peace, yea trouble me no more,
Lest I arise and chase thee from my door.
What, shall I not be let
Alone, that thou dost vex me yet?
But all night long that voice spake urgently:
"Open to Me."
Still harping in mine ears:
"Rise, let Me in."
Pleading with tears:
"Open to Me that I may come to thee."
While the dew dropped, while the dark hours were cold:
"My Feet bleed, see My Face,
See My Hands bleed that bring thee grace,
My Heart doth bleed for thee,
Open to Me."
So till the break of day:
Then died away
That voice, in silence as of sorrow;
Then footsteps echoing like a sigh
Passed me by,
Lingering footsteps slow to pass.
On the morrow
I saw upon the grass
Each footprint marked in blood, and on my door
The mark of blood forevermore.