I crushed it, and it regrew anyways.
The hypothesis, was more romantic,
than tossing and yearning all night
over losing teeth in a giraffe fight.

Your hypothesis, was more romantically
worded, than a thesis on how birds die on impact
when colliding with a glass windowpane,
retrieving teeth lost during a giraffe brawl.

Worded, like the thesis about how birds die during impact,
each line of the letter dripped with invisible ink,
like colliding with a glass window. Pain
is only fleeting, if the end comes close behind.

Every line in each letter, drawn with invisible ink,
doesn't sound in the pronunciation, which
is only fleeting, if the end line draws closed behind.
So close your characters behind you, and don't let the draft in.

Does it not sound in the pronoun, the annulment of which
leaves every thing indefinite, and incomplete.
So clothe your characters before you, so they don't let in a draft,
and catch a cold from ****** or being indistinct.

What leaves everything indefinitely incomplete
other than the ability of the mind to hypothesize,
and catch a cold in the **** state of being extinct?
The inability to reconcile your metaphorical heart and instinct.

The others, they, have the ability to hypothesize,
about what makes us toss and yearn at night.
I forgave your inability to reconcile. My heart: pure instinct.
So you crushed it, and still it grew anyways.

For a while now, I've had a thought swimming alongside my awareness, a fin cutting the water as I wait for it to save or **** me. Dolphin or shark? It came near enough for me to make out its shape recently.

**** or save? I know at least that it wasn't a fat guy with a prank fin and a snorkel. It closed on me and I realized what is most painfully missing.

When I am touched, it is simply that.

Dreamlike, my finned pursuer still refused to reveal its whole shape to me, and instead became the emotive image of a hand lovingly reaching for my face.

That small act of love is gone.

It means so much to me, that tenderness, that I ruined the last ship I sailed. I tore every beam apart in my search for what was just a three-legged spider deep in her darkest corner. So I burned down the good ship Treble and used the remains to float away.

I drifted to an atoll and chose a meek *******. It would certainly do, what better place to spend my remaining balance of time?

The breezes whispered and wouldn't stop.

Tides eroded and regrew my ******* until the even rhythm became inherently strange. So steady.

Evenly, unknown, eternity.

When the bottle washed up, I jealously guarded it from the *******. I should not have called the ******* Wilson.

Apparently Wilson controlled the weather.

Several gales and at least one hurricane punished my foolish hide. But the bottles kept coming, encouraged by the raging.

Shortly after, I learned to surf.

Well, I wasn't good at it. And Wilson didn't approve. It only took a little inclementation to sweep me away. If Wilson did control the weather, she must have been exhausted by then.

What a flimsy board.

It was my shield, held wearily up against the hungry ocean. Before my encounter with the amorphous beast, I was just drifting, again, unsure what quixotic urge took me so far.

And then the fin arrived.

**** or save?

It was created for one purpose

To hit where its brothers had landed

And stay

But as it was drifting Aimlessly down

It saw you

It saw your smile

Heard you laugh

Saw the completely original uniqueness of you.

An in that moment its heart burst and rapidly regrew
With a new purpose in mind.

To touch you,

So as it drifted down it swayed from its brothers hoping to find you.

It wiggled and squirmed and moved all about

Until it finally landed

On your nose

As I hugged your red nose did you hear it?

What it whispered to you?

I did

I heard the soft ‘I love you’

Before its grip on you faded and melted away.
The sweet soft suicide of a snowflake

It certainly wasn't the first to fall in love with you,

And it won't be the last.

We told our stories to the demons
that hid in our ratted hair
and carved out secrets beneath the black bark
of trees, They bled every stroke and our secrets
were never told.

In the night we collected the broken
pieces of corvine hearts and kept them
warm within the casing of our pillows
Every night that our mascara fell became a lullaby
for the love birds to sing in their
mourning.

We danced with lilac vines
we kissed endangered ivory
we loved evergreens
we flirted with death

Monarchs came to our slumber and
whispered sweet nothings to the demons
and in the morning the bark regrew on the
trees
and ever since
it hasn't been quite the same

a year and a half ago you demolished the home we built together and you ran a tornado across the flowers we grew but somehow the floorboards managed to stay intact and the seeds were untouched so I somehow managed to begin building our house again and I regrew the flowers in hope that you would one day return and realize that I was the love of your life but as time went on I began to grow weak and I had to start lying to everyone I knew saying that I was okay without you because I couldn't deal with the torment anymore and then you decided a week ago that you thought it was be a marvelous idea to tell me you wanted to see me and when I saw you at the coffee shop my knees got shaky and I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest but I couldn't handle lying anymore so I somehow was able to say how I felt and that you're still all I've ever wanted and the only thing you were able to say was that you thought that this was us working it out but my god we weren't ever going to be able to talk it out because you refused to tell me you were still in love with me and no matter what you say now it doesn't matter because in that moment you couldn't even speak so last night I ripped up the floorboards and I pulled out the flowers and seeds because I'll be ****** if I let you ruin my life any longer and while I wish I was still it for you I'm also starting to realize that I never really was it to begin with so I thank the lord because I think I'm finally clean and I think that I'll be able to go on without your voice wrapped around my throat.

You look tired, girl.

The lines on your face
from annual frost wedging
sprout tiny trees and assemblies of
lichens
that blot the pages of your book
like carelessly spilt ink,

but it's not worth crying over.

I spent my time trying to read those
pages,
those hieroglyphs
penned in a foreign
and dead tongue.

I tried to read the landscape of you.

Where split rocks harbor still-breathing mammals
at the base of your collar bone.
Where the aspens quake
and make homes for hawks
on the crest of your bony hip.
Where the trickles of water babble
softly,
but not unheard
and the trout jump like living jokes
in the cracks on your tongue.

Really, I tried.
And the closer I looked the more I realized
that you are not my native land.
I was an invasive species there
and I could feel the god in you
crying out
to abolish the man in me.

So I tore down the shack I had built
at the border between you and I
and I watched as the trees regrew
where I used to harvest my firewood
and I saw the deer
bed down
as the sun set
behind the
cold and silent mountain range
that fringes your hairline-

those mighty castle walls
that I could never truly breach.

to all my people livin' in satans prisons
keep yo mind strapped
and tapped out let the guns rain out
as we pour a blessin'
got the whole nation stressin'
cuz real thugs cant be tested and
this for my deceased homies
n homettes take a sip of moet
with a blunt to blaze
to the old times ****
i wish they was here to kick a few rhymes n my mind
half dead envisioned myself ****** red soaked in Egyptian sheets watch what every enemy speaks
knowthe rules *****
and dont follow no *****
i got the laydown its the art of war
muthaphukkaz aint listen
or payin attention
to the end times how many signs?
do we ******' need
but too many strung out off that bomb **** but popped out the seeds
n regrew my own thoughts
in the garden.of my mind
watch out for one time
cuz they itchin' to put a brother on the flal line
this for all my real gs
that aint scared to die
and if we die watch the thugs
in the hood multiply
check yo eyes
ya braille son god callin' me home soon to heal the wombs
but i know my purpose is greater
so **** a hater
i got the tactics of a true soldier immortal words
being spoke through inhales of smoke neva choke
uh i feel dead people tryna reach me teach me
the worlds coming to E N D
but betta believe ill dump
til my whole army is with me
and the clips is empty



though i wanted to be the toughest on the block
i didnt get a check til i was face to face with a glock
**** i hear deaths tick tock
beforehe pop
he gave me some mercy?
maybe it was the lord speakin' to me?
through telekinesis
now i gotta prepare for this thesis
scatter my drama like reeses
better believe they'll be back again like a whistle in the wind
times goes on life flows on
and ill be rappin' til they early morn
cant stop wont stop the music
its in my soul down for this ghetto blues
gotta short fuse but dont loose
control my mind and body
gotta focus killuminati
aint nobody takin' **** from me
ill die for this **** my family
thugs og to tg and the little homies
who gotta push dope in the blocks
in the late night yea the ghettos in a struggle
but them ******* canr even see it with a hubble
as i bust like a bubble ya know im addicted to trouble
yea we dont give a ****
about the law
51 states with a million plus ****** dawnin' an AK
takin' heed to the words i say
and let the blood spray
it was a good day dont go astray
even though we get worried
just tradin' a little tasteof war stories

I know that there are Gods inside me
Because I have seen them
at 13 when I tried to let Wrath out through my wrists,
15, an attempt to drown Calamity with prescription pills
and Famine, too, looking down my empty throat
After my stomach was hollow, with only Grief inside of it
I have seen Lust in the way I ache for more sunlight
at 17 in the summer where I regrew Joy,
fed her small scraps until she could devour
the whole world, and me
the Pantheon inside of myself 19
All of us a maelstrom in my blood
but Pride, forefront
King of kings on my tongue
He says look at the shrine you have made yourself
Holy, and still growing.

he sneaks in a marriage to steal the joy
he sneaks in the family to steal trust
he sneaks in the relationship to steal faith
he sneaks in the friendship to destroy time
he sneaks in every heart to steal the love
but love didn't shiver
he sneaks in every heart to destroy the love
but love regrew
he sneaks in every to end love once and for all
but love over came him so he would love himself but...
sad is there are more valentine thieves other than him

I don’t want you to feel some way about me that i cant about you,

you mean love?

I already knew you couldn’t, wouldn’t, never ever
feel love —
it’s a big red X,
no-mans land,
do not enter,
no trespassing zone,
because i am not that to you —
you can’t even say the word it’s so un-relatable

I made you uncomfortable,
i told you that I love you with all of my heart,
that I love you and I love you and I love you,
but you never said it back, and i knew that
you could never love me

i thought,
I’m not enough, not what you had in mind —
too much of something you can’t wrap your head around,
i’ve got a hold of myself,
can make myself vulnerable to sick ***** like you,
and you still feel sorry for me,

don’t be sorry for me,

be sorry you never allowed yourself to feel,
be sorry you took and took and took,
be sorry you didn’t have the guts to tell me the truth,
you used me, and i let you —
because my heart extended out while yours shriveled into your chest
i gave my summer to you,
and you tricked me into your world,
but i let myself get hooked,
shook me about and crushed all hope

i can’t tell you how much i mourn
the warmth of my touch,
now cold and brittle,
i risked an eternal sun smile
for a minute of a high
and like most drugs,
i became dependent and the pain
was more tragic than the beauty of the high

I mourn what it actually felt like to love,
long before you,
i loved so deeply
my heartbeats became thunderous earthquakes
and everyone knew

before you,
I loved a boy who told me i was magnificent
who held me every day as if it were the last time we’d see each other,
who told the world i kept his heart

before you,
I was heartbroken, really heartbroken,
because I had loved so passionately that my world crumbled around the ruins of my body,
my soul melted into a puddle of pressurized glitter,
diamonds that caught on fire and and rusted
turned to heaps of mud,
I have felt the love of all loves,
and so for you to feel sorry for me,
to think that I have lost something in you,
to confuse in love with love,
my god you must be confused,

because the day you left i became me again,
and i slowly regrew and weeded out all of the sadness you left in me,
the self-hatred i understood to be me,
lived in myself,
lived in my soul again,
i remembered that sun smile, the warmth of love,
i slowly unlearned and relearned
and my face turned into a beam of diamonds,
colors you took momentarily,
colors you drained from my cheeks and eyes.
So if you think i feel some way about you,
If you think I'm in love with you,
Please remember that i have loved and loved and loved
and it was never you.