I've seen you in striped white,
I've seen you in black wrap-around tops,
I've seen you in stilettos,
I've seen you in Fitflops.

I've seen you in the bluest of days,
I've seen you in the rainiest of nights,
I've seen you in the face of the sun,
I've seen you in the wind-full of kites.

I've seen you in the trajectory of life,
I've seen you stare at me with care,
I've seen you in the droplets of water,
I've seen you in every castle in the air.

I've seen you dreaming,
I've seen you back in reality,
I've seen you physically Earthy,
I've seen you  emotionally Mars-y,

I've seen you sad and jubilant,
I've seen you troubled, but kept a smile,
I've seen you doubled - in poker,
I've seen you gone crazily wild.

I've seen you in green-blinking nails,
I've seen you return my stutters,
I've seen you stand tall - confident,
I've seen you slouch - don't matter.

I've seen you looking into empty spaces,
I've seen you looking into a tasty plate,
I've seen you doubt yourself,
I've seen you believing in fate.

I've seen you in the bakery,
I've seen you in a factory,
I've seen you in your beauty,
I've seen you in your most ball-sy.

I've seen you in the bus,
I've seen you read,
I've seen you pick up a microphone,
I've seen you speaking with speed.

I've seen you with a newspaper,
I've seen you with an iPad,
I've seen you with a t-shirt,
I've seen you stylishly clad.

I've seen you work hard,
I've seen you studied irresponsibly,
I've seen you proud,
I've seen you flicker embarrassingly.

I've seen you here,
I've seen you there,
I've seen you near,
I've seen you everywhere.

I've seen enough,
I've seen you in extremes,
I've seen you thorough,
I've seen you in teams.

I've seen you verily,
I've seen you truly,
I've seen so much inspiration,
I've seen you guilty.

I've seen "I've seen" 58 times,
I've seen you more than that few.
But I would've seen nothing more,
If I've seen none of you.

Do you remember the day we met?
On a crazy rainy day back in 1989?
Ohh.. The rainiest season of the year …
You walked so fast but you were soaking wet
I bumped into you in the middle of the street

We almost kissed but did we try to avoid?
What a lovely kissing in the rain..
It would be..
In the middle of a busy Chulia street?

There was a pang of sensation deep inside me..
When our eyes locked and I couldn’t shy away..
We both were speechless
and my hearts skipped a beat
It was like we were lovers from the past years….
United once again on this rainy day…

Come on …
Kiss me in the rain… my heart kept telling me
Ohh…
Kiss me in the rain… my heart screamed inside..
If he’d kissed me… I would not give him up
If he’d kissed me.. I would be his forever
I was so sure I would.

But then…
How foolish I thought I was..
Wanting a stranger to kiss me in the heavy rain..
Hoping that handsome tall man
Would fulfill my crazy dream?

But I was lost for a while
When he pulled me in his arms..
and he did kiss me in the POURING rain..
Ohhh!! He kissed me in the rain…
And I fell in love with him forever on that craziest rainy day…

Kiss me in the rain..
I would fall in love with you once again…

The Flute.

Want to hear my heart cry do you

then lean inwards inside of me where this my soul weeps from within a place where even tears dare not to go

for see, a long time ago angel wings dipped outside of my window on  the rainiest night
and i died inside of me,

Now do you hear me

for I never lied to you
and you broke my heart from within the very silented depths of my soul.

jo.

your smile was bright and lit up the room like the sun.
even on the rainiest of days as long as i could make you smile the world always seemed bright and warm.
i was infatuated with you by means you could not and will not ever understand.
i chose seeing you over going to class.
i chose writing stupid poetry about you over sleep.
i chose waiting for you and loving YOU over learning to love myself.
i chose clinging onto lovely memories over forgetting how you hurt me.
but if there's one thing i didn't chose, it was loving you.
that's not something i could have ever chosen.
loving you isn't something you that's done by choice.
God no.
loving you is a dark trap that people fall into.
loving you is like the first rain of spring,
or the first layer of fall leaves scattered on the ground.
i didn't ask for it but by god it happened anyway.

months later here i am and I'm clinging onto this idea that somehow it was my fault.
maybe i wasn't open enough.
maybe i didn't text you back at the right pace.
but maybe all along it wasn't me.
it was you.

on the rainiest day

with his helm in my hand

the motor dropped in the bay

we raced to mainland

the pine needle raindrops

daggers to my eyes

I had to get home

but first pizza pies

When you Killed me,
I fell through the earth,
I sunk to the deepest oceans,
and perched upon the rainiest clouds.

I sat above or down below.
Drunk upon my own sorrow.

Before you killed me,
we sailed through the stars,
and when we entwined,
we erupt synchronous supernovas;
as you and i know of course...

we were the only people in the world, galaxy, universe in that very moment.

But then you killed me, and i really don't mind.
Now i'm swimming through stars alone.
Drifting around looking for another to take me back home.

I suppose it’s best to
speak of her now;
her name only summons
ghosts and thoughts
of a woman long past.

Her name is like hands that
trace the globe of my mind
from the my brain—a small city,
public university, museums, a relic
of a war dividing country—

to her heart—a large city, the
rainiest in the country, or so they say
where we mutually met in the middle;
it was love, or at fifteen springs, I thought.

This map to her now only summons
ghosts and thoughts
of a woman long past.

I follow them through
the thruways of memories
of all she touched with her
human condition and hope that
the map leads me back to her.

It leads me to our
phone calls, where I’d sit on
the deck in just pants and drink
and she’d stand outside on her balcony
and we’d burn the mental incense of a dream
forever never coming to pass.

I suppose it’s best to
speak of her now;
her name only summons
ghosts and thoughts
of a woman long past.

The ghosts of long-lost
proclamations of love
haunt my mind.  It’s
easier for me to believe
that she never did mean it,
but at three in the morning,
I’m fond of sitting on the deck and drinking

And I burn the mental incense of a dream
never coming to pass.
And I confess none of this
as she is a ghost with only a map
but my fair Rachael, she haunts me.

It’s no longer safe
to speak her name;
it’s summoned ghosts
and thoughts
of a woman long past.

In the torn reentry of something less than perfect
I search for elegant ways to change the circuit
For a time that I imaged was worth it
Still I cannot grasp that concept of endearment
When I was always the one that feared it
In the lost temptations of seconds gone by
I sit by myself and ask the ground why
Too wet to fetch tears that are all too salty
In the end I will see that I was the one who was faulty
Not broken or wrong as in a sad country song
But in the sense of missing a component that belongs
To the puzzle of a heart that often loses its way
On the rainiest of days

I'll stand by your side

When the clouds are grey

I'll stand by your side

On the rainiest day

I'll lay down my pride

If it gets in the way

I'll lay down my pride

If it means you will stay

For the first time in my life

I'll be faithful and true

For the first time in my life

I'll mean "I love you"

I don't need to drink

And party all night

I don't need to drink

And miss you holding me tight

I never wanted kids

But you opened that door

I never wanted kids

And now I want four

Your heart sang to me slowly

And so softly you said

While your heart sang to me slowly

'With this ring, I thee wedd'

Is it you? or is it me?
Am I the sad one for finding happiness in the rainiest day
Or is it you for only seeing the sky when the sun is out?
If the Sky can cry when the world destroys it with its disgusting fumes,
why cant I when my sadness has engraved itself into my being?
If the Earth can shake in anger, when its people has left it in ruins,
why cant I when my anxiety has masked itself has my closest and truest friend?  
If you're terrified of words your friends may say, why cant I be terrified of the noises I hear in my head over and over again?
Your emotions are of this world, mine stem from somewhere your imagination has yet to be.

Her smile lights up
Even the rainiest of days

Love is like
A hot
Cup of coffee
A beaut
On the rainiest
And sunniest
Of days
Warm
Like the steam
On top
Bittersweet
From the caffeine
And the sugar
Special
Like a handcrafted
Piece of origami
But just like every
Cup of coffee
The warmth fades
And the flavor
Disappears

Most endearing beloved,

    Today at Midwinter's eye, I saw you under
The sun, a drop of light as it were under
The shimmery snow you stood upon.
And in the image of God we were made,
I'd like to think he made the portrait
Just for me, a delightful immortal
Image that dances even at night around
The round moon of January's cold.

    I cannot give you more than
You have just given me as though
You bestowed upon me a spoonful
Of star, and as I walked I saw your
butterfly's journey, the ringing of
Freedom's bell, I rejoice in the perfect
Memory as though an angel would pass
Here on earth to witness a miracle
And then swiftly return to eternity.
     But what I can offer you is the music
Of sky upon water, the depth of a diamond's
Gaze; the birth of Springtime in your
Eyes,the eternity in a flash which is the
Whole of my life, I offer you the foam of
The beach where we will make love,
I will swim in your rivery hair and not
Drown, I offer you my soul dancing
In a forest with tree flowers and adventure
On the rainiest days, I give you a child
That has not been born but knows
You as Mother, the miracle is you love.
I give you the ground I walk on, and all
The little birds and animals you can fathom.

Take these my humble gifts,
    My love eternal,
              
            Dedpoet

P.S. Also take the skies and all the stars,
All that I wish for you.

He was so quiet and I could tell he was nervous
I kept walking and I could feel the sweat gathering on his hand
I clench it tighter
The scene, however, was breathtaking
A long wooden bridge with white paint peeling and wrinkling of old age, intimately lit with candles dancing in a light breeze
The sun was falling in the west
And so was I, more and more each day for this man
It amazing what he does to me
The water beneath us, singing as it rippled within itself
I listened to the hum of each footstep of ours, almost in sync
I turn to him,
"Are you okay? You're being really quiet."
"I'm fine, just a little anxious, that’s all."
We are coming to the end of the bridge and I see a table
Draped in a thin, dark blue table cloth with two lawn chairs
There's orchids in the center, my favorite flower
What I love about orchids are the petals themselves are so exquisite but their stems have to be held up by little clips, they are beautiful but they cannot stand on their own, like a lot of other beautiful things
I look back up at him as he slips his hand out of mind, wipes it on his pants and pulls out my chair smiling like a child on Christmas morning
I look at him in that moment as a strand of hair falls over his forehead
I can see the color and shape of my perfect life
The house, the children, the arguments over the curtains are all fading away with that one smile of his

I was so nervous, I literally cannot bring myself to talking
I mean, the things I would usually jump to have already been discussed
The weather, how her day was, how beautiful she looks
Well, I wouldn’t mind telling her that again
The bridge creaks with each footstep of ours as if it is imploring for our bodies to sink into the water beneath it
The trees were swaying just enough for the leaves to rustle with each other but lightly enough for me to still hear the sound of her breathing
The sun was falling in the west, I gazed at it
An alluring sunset burning up the atmosphere
Speaking of burning, my hands are sweating so much
I would tell her how sorry I was but I think she already knows
The sound of her voice startles me a little but I play it off... I think
"Are you okay? You're being really quiet"
****, I am being really quiet
"I'm fine just anxious, that’s all"
We are coming to the end of the bridge and everything is just how I hoped it would be, the table from my dad's shop, the dark blue table cloth from Sears, the orchids in the center, her favorite flower
I slip my hand out of hers which was a lot harder than I expected it to be, I just don’t want to stop touching her
I wipe them on my pants nonchalantly and pull out her chair
Honestly, I've stopped trying to not smile
I can't help myself, it's amazing what she does to me
I kept looking at her and wondering how lucky I could be to have found someone who reminds me of sunlight even on the rainiest of days
I swear in a world of black and white, she would still have color

Have you ever met a being that was beyond this earth? Beyond this plane of existence?
She was the earth. She was the trees and the sky. She held the very meaning of existence in her hands and didn't even know it. She was oblivious to her power.
She made life dance before my very eyes. If she looked at you, you know you were meant something bigger on this planet. Her hair. her eyes. silver, piercing.  She had nothing but her vunerable-ness to give. Her beauty was not explainable. There wasn't a selfish bone in her body.

A life without her must mean a life in denial
or a life of daydreaming

bitter sweet
or an empty and hopeless.. are those my options now?
I remember when I would hold her hair and her skin would glow and the sky would sing her name
Have you ever felt euphoria on your fingertips
and it would slowly trickle down to your hands and wrists and then pierce your heart violently
that's what it was to hold her hand
touch her face
just her existence alone made life worth living
knowing
there is a beauty such as hers out there
there must be something more
how can something like that happen
how can something like that make me feel in a way that i do
that can move me
and make me feel
when all else couldn't
she is over now. I must translate the hope she gave me to a hope now for myself
somehow
let her previous existence fuel my future existence
we would lay in the treehouse
her hand in mine
our hope in each others hands
and float atop the ultimate peace and happiness
admire the stars and the sky
the depths of our questions would blossom
even on the rainiest of days
on the greyest of skys
having her around
made colors pop out of everything life flowed through
colors i didnt know existed
and all i can think now is
i am the lucky one that got to experience that
i know its over. but most will never see what i saw
i experienced heaven
its there
and thus for the rest of my being and existence
me knowing there is a heaven such as that, gives me so much hope in life
that life has become heaven
she granted me heaven
have you even met a being
that has moved you so

Even the days are in
competition, here in
Ireland we got many
that are the rainiest.

I was 12 years old when the thought first came to mind, the thought of me not being here, the thought of peace, feeling free and not having a single worry in the world. How pathetic i let a stupid boy make me feel this way, he wasn’t even mine. I dug myself out of the darkness and got into self care. For about a year nothing worked. Everything was him. Every boy was him or at least i wanted every boy to be him. I turned to older boys but they were all the same. Until I met him. He was the one. In fact. He is the one. He made my sunshine on the rainiest of days and made my smile bright when my clouds were dark. We fight, we argue, we break up. But everything has always been okay in the end. You, my love. Have made me realise that love may be real after all. Not all men are the same and you, my love, pulled me out of the storm.

i began to lose myself very much like a thunderstorm
that wasn't in the forecast
that came unannounced
but in hindsight, all the people around it would say
"we were due one anyway"

i saw myself in the sudden downpour, in the grayness that
so quickly consumed the atmosphere

i saw myself in the headaches that came as the pressure dropped
in the ache of pre-emptively, and unconsciously adjusting to imminent change, even in the moments before it seems to show up

when the wind of change reaches us, it is how we brace ourselves before we even feel it, that knocks us down first

i saw myself in weary window watching. i saw myself in changes of plans. i saw myself in interrupted growth, in uprootedness, in the disheveled and crooked sprouts that i call attempts for stability.

i saw myself in the rush of people scrambling for shelter
trying to get out of the misery of having their clothes wet

mostly, i saw myself in the panic with which they scatter, in all directions
and i see myself, too, in the people who couldn't get out in time

nowadays, i resign myself as a passive recipient to the storm before it begins. i will likely get caught in it, and i accept that fate for myself now

when i found myself one morning gazing upon the city, noting
the lack of gray clouds, thinking i had found myself a respite in the
middle of the rainiest season i'd ever had

i would feel a sense of longing, for days when i could enjoy them for the fact that they are so beautiful, rather than the fact that they represent a brief culmination to the most recent torrent of storms.

when the leaves started to lose their colour
this year
i felt a sense of softness for them. because they seem to hang on so much better through so many kinds of weather. and they turn all the same.

perhaps i believed my resistance and my surrendering could never go hand in hand. but i see myself when i see change now

and i am turning all the same.

You felt like home, but home is toxic.
Though I took comfort in knowing, we understood one another.
The trauma bonding.
The need to share the darkest parts of myself.
And so formed an unhealthy obsession, clouding my judgement.
You made me feel like someone I wasn’t.
You put words in my mouth.
You didn’t understand me.
You made me out to feel crazy because you misunderstood my intentions.
You made me feel ashamed of my self deprecating and my defense mechanisms.
Ashamed of the things that have always protected my heart.
You lit the flame on the stove until the fire angered me.
Why did I go back for more?
This is not me.
I’m not a dumb girl.
I know I deserve better.
Thank you for making me walk away for good.
Because I had someone else.
And he’s everything you’re not...Communicative, invested in my pleasure, invested in me.
The sun has never shone so bright on the rainiest day.
How healthy and happy it feels.
To be reassured, appreciated, and seen.
To feel **** and confident and beautiful.
As you continue to search for something you'll never find.
Your soul is emptier than mine.
Any love I felt for you was false.
I wish I could take back all the things I shared with you.
I wish I could not feel the need to write about you now.
I wish I didn’t even think about you.
You’re not worth this space in my head.
You were never worth the space in my heart.