.
                                1 can diced
                           mangos, drained•
                          1 can diced tomato
                         es, drained • 1\4 cup
                           diced red onion •
                           1\4 cup  chopped
                            fresh  cilantro or
                            mint• 1\2 jalapeñ
                            o, seeded and fin
                            ely chopped  or 2
                            tbsp. canned dice
                            d jalapeño. • 2 tb.
                            p.   fresh  lime or
                            lemon juice **
                 stir together     all ingredients
          in medium bowl  Serve as a dip with
          tortilla or pita ch ips or as a topping
             for quesadillas   or grilled chicken
                   fish  or                  pork

Tonight I
fried
a dinner
of
cheese quesadillas,
then
my taste
buds
thanked me
for
learning to
cook
a new
food.

Tacos, pulled pork and quesadillas
Garish and gaudy being the clarion call
for the food truck battalion
An armoury of captivating aromas
Savoury propaganda mastered.
The war is won.

Thirsty Thursday
But tonight, I thurst for myself.

Stretched thin, tryn' stretch me thinner
I look in the mirror and think
Too much chocolate peanut butter
But I'm so ravenous after long days
I'm so ravenous, all the time
Got about 16 dollars to my name.

Mama doesn't talk to me for long increments of time
I come to wonder if she's just really livin' her life
Don't wanna listen or hear me talk about
Heart
Heart
Broken
Ah. Not so broken anymore.

Happy 11 month anniversary to me!!
Truly, really.
Chicago, I've almost had you for a whole year.
One of the boys texts me sweetly, like a dear friend
"Still feel like the new girl?"
"Like the new girl takin' over the city ;)"
And he replies: Yes m'am.

Swarms of paint and encouragement
But its the little things that take away
Don't let me lose this stupid job.
Don't let me trample this opportunity
Don't let me revert to old ways
Don't really wanna have a house meeting
But I know it, I know it good
There ain't nothing I can't get through.

Come a long ******' way
In just 11 months.

I contemplated and scientifically time lined a bit
Its hard to even remember what I said now.

Peter Pan.
I miss you sometimes.
But mostly I don't.
The thought of letting you back in terrifies me
So I kindly refute parties, gatherings
I heard you don't trust yourself around me either
And I think, I see in my heart, mind
What hurts is seeing the look in your face
When you see me.
THATS. Thats what I fell in love with.

"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."
Thats it. Thats all.
It was never really you.
But the reflection back at me
Just like that moment I took my photo
In your sunglasses
I was so eager to have it all
But I didn't really know you at all.

Sometimes
I'll think back
To you meeting me on your longboard
We were supposed to go get vegan quesadillas
I was so depressed, lost.
I contemplate that time
I remember you were worried I was going to leave you
I think I wanted to, right then
It was such a struggle, all of it.

And I wondered today
How did we go from so good
So deeply interested, in love
To the pits of hell so quickly?
We were so much better over FaceTime.

I'll never fully understand it
But my God, what a story
What a time.

So.
Little pretty princess
Happy 11 month anniversary
You've come a long way you gorgeous queen.
Believe the kind encouraging words those around you
So generously give
Take in the hits, but swim over and past them
Rejoice in the hurt, the pain, the beauty
Don't be terrified little lamb chop dove love
Its you in the end
That writes your tail
Tale.

If I combined every girl I’ve ever loved into one holy entity
I'd eat quesadillas with her in bookstores on Sunday mornings drunk off $7 pink moscato
I'd wink at her from across the room during sorority recruitment and we'd sneak away in her red mustang
After class, I’d pass notes to her from 8,000 miles away
In airports, she’d try to bargain with the gate agents while holding my hand and her first class ticket
I’d kiss her through her car window, but be too afraid to hold her hand while I’m driving
We’d sneak around, be everyone’s favourite couple, and I'd think maybe **** won't hit the fan this time
Distance would mean nothing because we were never together
Distance would be crushing because we were never apart
Her hair would get tangled in pink dye and I’d find it in my shower
She’d kiss my forehead but be too short to reach
We wouldn’t have any boundaries, but somehow, we’d cross them
We’d get too carried away and go to Vegas to get married and come back to high school with our mothers’ opal rings
We’d be 19 in Lexington at a grocery store buying pineapple juice to mix with alcohol that she’d be old enough to legally buy on her own
Her dad would buy us wine to drink in a kitchen without a table but with immaculately clean floors
We’d talk about girls that broke our hearts and girls we wish we could have while naked in her dorm room
We’d talk about how we’re the only ones for each other
Six months in and in love
3 years in and deciding we took it too far
One month since we separated and dizzy on the bathroom floor

apart from the rent that's 12 weeks overdue,
the 7 missed voice memos,
the special midweek lunches you have
that you pass perspiring paper boxes of
respectably uneaten quesadillas that
christen your laundered floors,
that i refuse out of fasting as an excuse
so as to not add up to—
what i owe you:

the music, the rawness of Vancouver Sleep Clinic
and The Psychedelic Furs at two in the morning
when i can't sleep, so you wouldn't either.

the good dreams, when you told me if only
nightmares had brakes, i wouldn't suffer another.

and you were my other,

what i owe you:

all the wrong reasons to the right ones
i never meant to say,
out of fright of out of fright of out of fright
of love,

a sober kiss good night,
half asleep a giggle and
awake on a morning that only smells like
waffles, some borrowed French cologne and you.