In the day of Satan,
A satan took me for a long walk
in the daylight.
He was telling me many things
with beautiful words,
Advised me so wisely,
Telling me for not too kind to people.
He said, "Why should you love and care about people
that never appreciate your kindness? Don't you see that they only take a benefit from you?
They don't mind to hurt you whenever they have chance.  
You are wasting your time! You are wasting your life!"  

In the day of Satan
A satan took me for a long walk
in the daylight.
Crowning my head
with all the brilliant ideas
about what I should do and I should be as a human,
Filling my heart
with all world's temptations,
Shining my way
with his adorable light,
And showing the much happiness and glory I could get
if I let myself following his path.

In the day of Satan
A satan took me for a long walk
in the daylight.
He made me fell in love with all of his beautiful words
that I was so ready to take a step
to follow all the words and the path he said and offered.

But then my inner soul came
and whispered,
"Are you sure that you're ready for following his path?
What is your motive of doing goodness, anyway?
To get people's attention or appreciation?
Or just for goodness itself?
Is your kindness just like the woman's make up
that will vanish as soon as you wash your face?
Are you sure that you're ready
for making him a King in your life?"

In the day of Satan
A satan took me for a long walk
in the daylight to his kingdom
to marry me and crown me as his queen.
But then I realized that
I'm doing kindness actually for the kindness itself
I'm doing goodness surely for the goodness itself
I'm doing merit definitely for the merit itself
Not for people I've helped
Not for people I love
Not for heaven's sake
Not even for the universe

If people can't appreciate me,
that's their problem, not mine.
If people can't accept
my unconditional love for them
with the proper way,
that's their problem, not mine.
If people turn to be backstabbers
instead of showing their gratitude
for what I've done for them,
that's their problem, not mine.  

In my life,
there's always a day of satan.
It is the day when satan take me for a long walk
and telling me all of the world's temptations
with the words that much sweeter than sugar.

But this time I've decided
to not listen to his words.
This time I've decided
to not help him in building his throne
or making him my King.
And this time I've decided
to stop my steps with him
and go back to what I should be:
A person with the genuine love and kindness.

Today, in the day of satan
I let a satan down
and let him reveal his true face:
A furious red and ugly guy with horns on his head
and a burning trident in his hand,
as I've refused to be his queen
and ruined his plan to build the throne...

May 5, 2018
Kanya Puspokusumo

Autumn.
The leaves are turning
brown and gold
Then fall.

Autumn.
It's about leaves and trees
Leaves leave trees
Trees are left. Naked.

But autumn
is more than the story
about 'leaving' and 'being left'.

Autumn
is the story about the trees
that is never worry
of being left by the leaves.

Autumn
is the story about the trees
that is never afraid
of letting go all things,
and being happy afterwards.

Because the trees know
there will always be
the new and better leaves
grow on them in spring.

And being left is actually a way
to a better coming...

-Kanya Puspokusumo-
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com .

There was a time
when I blocked my face
with two palms,
only to avoid seeing the world.
But the two palms can only block
the world in my eyes,
not the world in my heart.
The world in my heart
is always too big
to be blocked by the palms.
Especially when there is you in it.

You...
smiling and offering the love
that reminds me
to the most delicious
Korean persimmons
in Autumn season.

(Now I start to feel that without you,
Seoul is nothing but an empty city,
and the world is nothing but an empty place).

-Kanya Puspokusumo-
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com

The first snow
is falling in Borimsa,
a quiet temple
at the foot of Gaji Mountain,
as we stand near the two stone pagodas
that silently standing side by side.
"Oh, the first snow!
And I'm here with you...," you said.  
I smile.
Because I remember all you've said about the Korean saying...

The first snow
is falling in Borimsa,
as the true love starts blooming
in two hearts.  

Inside the temple,
the Buddha's statue
is waiting for two hearts
to pray in quiet words,
and send the love song
through the gentle wind
to the eternity.

-Kanya Puspokusumo-
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com

1. Borimsa, one of the oldest Korean temples on Gaji mountain in Jangheung-gun, Jeollanam-do, South Korea (about 300 km from Seoul). The temple holds great significance as the first Zen buddhist temple during unified silla, built in the 9th century.

2. In Korea, there is a saying that if you are out in the first falling snow of the year with someone you like, then true love will blossom between you.

At the unknown station,
An old soul is waiting for the train to get back home,
After 800 years trapped on earth,
With all memories of
The 800 years journey,
That cannot be erased,
Cannot be forgotten...
.
At the unknown station,
an old soul is waiting for the train to get back home,
After 800 years trapped on earth.
The home where the far is near
And the near is far...
Where too far is sometimes really near
And too near is sometimes really far...
.
But,
"How far is near?"
And "How near is far?", anyway?
"Is far really near?"
Or "Is near really far?"...
While I'm waiting for the train to get back home at the unknown station,
I then cannot stop questioning the questions!
-KANYA PUSPOKUSUMO-
(An alien that trying to get back home)
May 21, 2018

I want to erase myself,
Like the winter erases itself
to become spring.
.
I want to erase myself,
Like autumn leaves erases themselves
to let the new leaves grow.
.
I want to erase myself,
Like dew erases itself
to become cloud.
.
I want to erase myself,
Like the cloud erases itself
to let the blue sky smile at the earth.  
.
I want to erase myself,
Because that is how the universe works;
Erasing an existence
to create a new and better one.

-KANYA PUSPOKUSUMO, 2019-
Icheon, South Korea

[Received] 
I see you 'active' on the internet. 
Don't you sleep? 
. 
[Sent]
I can't sleep. 
It's a cold night. 
The mountain wind sent 
a loneliness message to my heart.
I feel so all alone... 
.
[Received]
Please don't... 
You are not alone. 
Nobody is alone.
Even when you stood alone 
under the dark night sky,
hasn’t the sky 
at least stood with you? 
.
[Received]
And remember, 
there's always a love
that stands somewhere
and always waits for you 
in the distance sky... 
.
[Received]
Saranghaeyo...
Neomu saranghae...
.
[Me]
Typing a reply...
.
Kanya Puspokusumo
January 19, 2019

"We are books.
Most people will judge us on our covers.
Some people will read us just to **** their time,
not to understand the content.
Some people will read us until the end of page,
but then throw us away;
to be forgotten in the dusty box.
Only few people will keep us as treasure,
appreciate every character every word every story,
and love us with their souls
with no time limit."
-Kanya Puspokusumo-

I was waiting for
the last train to my home,
But it never came.
The night was cold,
Even though the winter had not come yet.
No one there.
Nothing there,
But the cold tracks
And the silent platform.
The air refused to speak to me,
Even to say "sshh" through the wind.
I was completely alone.

I wished you had been there
standing before me
and warmed my heart
with the fire of your love.
So, I could throw the handful of tears into that fire
And let go away all the sadness.

But I was completely alone.
No one there.
Nothing there,
But the cold tracks
And the silent platform.
And the air also refused to speak to me,
Even to say "sshh" through the wind...

KANYA PUSPOKUSUMO
2017
Instagram @kanya.puspokusumo
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com/

*Andong is a city in North Gyeongsang Province, South Korea. It is about 200 km from Seoul.
It is known as the most Korean place in Korea, and the "Capital City of Korean Spiritual Culture", with many aspects of the Korean traditional cultures throughout the past 2,000 years.

I asked the earth in one sunny day,
“Can you tell me which path should be my way?”
The earth smiled at me, but said nothing,
Then left me alone, wondering.

I asked a star in the sky,
“Please tell me the path that can give me the light.
The star smiled at me, but said nothing.
And just like the earth,
It left me alone, questioning.

I walked around thousand forests
and searched for the magic words to reveal the path,
But the magic words were hidden behind the stone,
I was again completely left alone.

I don’t know why my questions were not answered,
I don't see why the magic words were hidden behind the stone,
I just start feeling shattered,
For there’s no way out to be shown.

Later in the mirror, I saw the shadow of a child
With a lantern in her hand
That shines brighter than the sun
“Do you want to know the answer?” asked the child
“Yes!” I answered like a sailor miss his homeland
“Come with me, then. It will be fun!”

Then, I go with the child with a lantern in her hand
That shines brighter than the sun,
Taking journey with unexplainable end.

“Who are you?” After a mile I asked the child
"Who do you think I am?"
"A shadow of angel?"
“No. I’m curiosity.
Curiosity is like a child who never stop learning about how to live without fear, even though the life gives you so many scars.
Curiosity is like a child who always thinks that the world will always be the fun place to live.
Curiosity never complains about the unfair world.  
With all the qualities, curiosity is the only thing that can lead you to the path you want.
I’m curiosity. I'm the shadow of you.
I’m in you, waiting to be dug.
Because finding the path you want is actually a matter of how curious you are in digging all the treasures.
It is only you who can do it.
No one else. Nothing else,” the child answered.

Then, I take the lantern
from the child's hand;
the lantern that shines brighter than the sun,
and start walking on the path I want…

-Kanya Puspokusumo, 2017
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com

I've been searching for ways
to ease my pain,
heal all wounds,
free from suffering,
enlighten my own soul,
and to reveal my own mystery.
I've traveled the world
for searching the answers.
Now I've found that
a way to ease my pain,
heal the wounds,
and free from suffering
is to forgive;
with the true forgiveness.
The true forgiveness
will give me peace,
and the peace
will enlighten my soul,
and reveal the mystery...
-Kanya Puspokusumo-

:::To Baek Won Kyu

I don't know how many miles it is
to heaven from earth.
But now I understand,
To make me happy,
you don't need to be by my side.
We can be far far away
Like the earth and the sky
It doesn't matter.

I just need you to be in my heart and mind,
and knowing that between the miles,
Our love will stay forever.

I don't know how many miles it is
to heaven from earth.
But now I understand,
you don't need to be by my side.
We can be far far away
Like the earth and the sky
It doesn't matter.

Because everytime I look up to the sky,
I now can see you in every star and cloud,
dancing,
singing,
laughing,
smiling,
crying,
even yelling at me,
or chattering,
on the unforgettable moment.
And between the miles,
The love will endure beyond time and space...

:::Dear you, Happy Birthday in heaven!

9 September 2020

KANYA PUSPOKUSUMO
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com

Instagram
@kanya.puspokusumo
@maeum_heart

"I'm an abstract painting.
Some people
will easily judge me
as nothing
but an ugly painting.
Some people
will like the colors
or the composition
of me.
Some people
will praise the painter
for creating a piece of art.
But only a true artist
will understand
that in every stroke,
I'm telling you
only the truth
about a journey
of the soul" .
-Kanya Puspokusumo-

I am always fascinated with the sky,
Because I believe all words that can't be said,
Were written in the sky.
I believe the true love that can't be expressed,
Were painted as the twinkle stars.

I'm fascinated with the sky,
Because my dad is now up there,
Typing all wise words in the blue sky,
And painting all the lovely stars at night.  
He is the sun and my favorite constellation,
That shining my life every day and night.  
He is the perfect love and wisdom,
That guiding my soul throughout this life.

So, when people asked me
Why I am always fascinated with the sky...
I will simply tell them,
Because I know I can write there
Anything that can't be said,
Painting the lovely stars
For true love that can't be expressed,
And giving the perfect love and wisdom
To my son unconditionally,
Shining his life every day and night,
And guide his soul endlessly,
As my dad does them for me...

-KANYA PUSPOKUSUMO, 2019-

"Can you see that,
the brightest star
over there?" I said.
"Yes, it's gorgeous.
I love it so much,"
he whispered.
"Yes, it is. I love it too,"
I smiled at him.
.
But then, I realized that
he was not looking
at the sky like I did.
He never did.
He was looking at me...
.
"Why should I look at
the brightest star
in the sky,
when my brightest star
is already here
to shine every step
of my life?" he said...
.
-Kanya Puspokusumo-
January 2019

(A poetry to Baek Won Kyu)
.
It was autumn
a year before now
everything started to fall
but the maple foliage
still there, on the cliff...
.
I walked on the stepping stones,
along the river,
with the beautiful scenes of nature
that lead me to the gate
of Seonam Temple
.
You, next to me
pointing out the river
and said to me
with the cheerful voice and smile,
"Look! The water is so clear.
Oh! I wish we were salmons,
so we can swim together
along the clear river,
and let the Lord Buddha in the temple
bless our journey
till the end of time..."
.
Well, we are not salmons.
We will never be.
But I have the same hope
and dream with you...
May the Lord Buddha
bless every of our journey
in the limitless time and space...
.
And let the journey
to Seonam Temple
be the most beautiful memory
and the unforgettable moment
of our souls.
.
July 29, 2017
-KANYA PUSPOKUSUMO-
.
**Seonam Temple, or Seonamsa, is a Korean Buddhist temple on the eastern ***** at the west end of Mount Jogye Provincial Park, within the northern Seungjumyeon District of the city of Suncheon, Jeollanamdo Province, South Korea

(13 years ago,
after coma...)

People said that I'm back to life.
But I know that I'm not really back to life...  
A half of my soul is still somewhere
between the door of life and death until now.
It exists beyond time and place,
to create the connection between two worlds,
to bring the message from the past, present, and future,
to be the mirror that reflect all the energy,
to feel the hidden colour in every substance,
and to reveal some secrets of the universe.

Some people call me crazy or a liar because of that
Some other people start to annoy me
by treating me like a psychic
and ask many things about their future.
But, I'm not a psychic
that can give people the tarot card reading or prophecy
or telling about their destiny
whenever they want, by order.
I can't control when and what messages I will get by touching things
I can't control when and what colour I will see in you.

No, I'm not a psychic.
I'm just a "dimension traveler"
I'm the half soul that travels free
with the universe,
while my other half soul is waiting on the earth,
to receive the all travel reports
and to share the news and wisdom from the sky.
-Kanya Puspokusumo-

I'm here,
surrounded by many people,
making new friends,
opening my heart
to welcome a new love.
A vivid life seems to be!

But deep inside,
I'm just a leaf,
that fell to the ground,
and desperately hoping the wind
to fly me to the star...

Then the paradoxical thoughts
start playing in my mind.
The leaf is here, but it is not... .
Loving the star,
but it cannot be loved...
Smile is always
covering the emptiness...
Because the star
is a way too far to reach.
What a lonely leaf!
-Kanya Puspokusumo-

Sometimes,
I can hear your heart
calling me
with love and passion,
calling my heart that is so vulnerable;
a heart that is so long
for being loved,
but yet too afraid of
being hurt and betrayed.

Sometimes,
I can hear your heart
calling me
with the love that can make
the earth and the sky
conspire to grow the flowers
on the forgotten garden.

I can hear your heart
calling me.
Clearly.
And the same love and passion
are already vividly here, by the way.
But my vulnerable heart
still doesn't have enough courage
to answer your call...
-Kanya Puspokusumo-

Sitting silently,
Legs crossed,
Breathe in,
Breathe out,
Pushing away all negativity,
Letting in the pure energy,
Healing all the wounds,
Hoping for the peace to come,
And people call it meditation.

But meditation is much more than that.
It is about our thoughts wandering far and beyond,
only to find that everywhere is actually nowhere,
but you know it is there.
It is about the heart swimming on the sea of wisdom,
only to find that even darkness speaks of light.
It is about us walking in the empty sky,
only to find that in emptiness we are perfectly full.
It is about the soul dancing in the universe,
only to find that the universe is actually a nothingness,
but in nothingness, it completely exists.
And once you completed the journey,
it will ease all wounds and pain,
cover you with a blanket of peacefulness,
and shower you with happiness and tranquility.

And meditation doesn't attach to any religions.
It is just the way and path of us revealing and accepting the truth of ourselves,
and growing true love, unconditionally.

December 31st, 2019

KANYA PUSPOKUSUMO
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com/

:::A poetry to Baek Won Kyu.
Rest in peace, rest in love:::

People said,
Heaven is the happiest place.
The place where you want to be.

So I let my thoughts run free,
Thinking about heaven,
And what it would be for me.

Heaven for me is you;
The first day I met you in Seoul,
Our first conversation,
Our love...

Heaven for me is you;
When you were sitting next to me,
Telling thousands stories,
Shared thousands kisses,
And spent everyday looking at the night stars.
Laugh.
True happiness.

Heaven for me is you;
When you taught me the new levels of love.
Pure.
Deep.

Heaven was what I thought we could be;
Together...
But then you left,
Too soon,
To the God's heaven up there...

O my heaven,
Please wait for me,
For I will join you someday.
And become one at last.

Bandung, 5 September 2020

KANYA PUSPOKUSUMO
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com

Instagram
@kanya.puspokusumo
@maeum_heart

In this winter,
I would like to be a child again
Playing snowballs,
Making a snowman,
Walking through the winter trees,
And creating footsteps
on the sea of white...
.
It would be wonderful
to be a child again,
When the scene of white sea
falls in my heart for the first time,
And warm me like the summer sun.
(Kanya Puspokusumo, 2019)
.
Ganghwa-gun, Incheon
South Korea

I worship God that is both immanent and transcendent.
I worship God, the creator and supreme being.
I worship God for His mercy to the sinners.
I worship God for His gracious to the kindhearted.
I worship God for His love and compassion to the universe.
I worship God for sending my soul to this mortal world and keeping my conscience alive to do the right and always good things, even in the worst evil environments.
I worship God for letting me stand between the door of life and death, to comprehend many things beyond.
I worship God for letting me see what others cannot see.
I worship God for letting me hear what others cannot hear.
I worship God for opening some curtains of the secret of the universe.
I worship God for being so close to me, especially in the darkest time.
I worship God for lifting me up whenever I fall.
I worship God for giving me peace and hope whenever l'm about to give up.
I worship God for giving me strength when people keep giving me wounds on the wounds that is not yet healed.
I worship God for giving me power to keep picking up all the pieces of the broken heart, and for giving me power to put them together again with the golden glue, to beautify my soul even better.
I worship God for giving me power to forgive the offenders.
I worship God for giving me strength to always walk on His path, even though sometimes I have to walk alone on the path that is full of misery.
I worship God with every beat of my heart.
I worship God in every prayer.
I worship God in every tear that fall in the silent nights.
I worship God in every love and goodness I share to all creatures around me.
I worship God in every name of His that is called with the trembling voice.
I worship God, the creator of my soul.
I worship God, the supreme being and power.
I worship God, the Almighty.
I worship God, the one and only God.
I worship God, the one and only God who loves me endlessly.

Kanya Puspokusumo, 2016
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com

Today, just for today…
I wish you could come and stay
to be here by my side, that’s what I pray.
Together we’ll spend a fabulous day.

If you were here…
I wish I could whisper in your ear,
and telling you that my heart is so near.
Just feel the love in the atmosphere,
then you’ll see everything so clear

The picture of you is really something.
It makes my heart full of dancing.
You’re not perfect, but so amazing.
It makes me wanna keep singing.

The picture of you is always in my mind.
Upon a star, I wish you could be mine.
You’re not perfect, but one of a kind.
That’s why I want you to be my sunshine.

Kanya Puspokusumo
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com

It is hard for me to find love,
because love for me
is not just about
the magic three words.
It is much deeper than that.

It is hard for me to find love,
because I can only fall in love
with person who falls in love
with my thoughts first
then my soul...
Because that's exactly
the way I will love him;
love his thoughts first,
then his soul...
not the physical performance.

It is hard for me to find love,
because I'm a free spirit
who wants to love someone
only if he agreed to free his fear
of being himself,
And brave enough to open
all of his weaknesses before me.
No masks. No secrets.

It's hard for me to find love,
because in my mind
true love will always be
the matter of loving 'the inner soul'
and our free willing
to do all the relationship commitment
without being told to do so.
Then flying together with our own wings to the everlasting.

November 9, 2019
KANYA PUSPOKUSUMO
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com

It has been years since
I forced myself for being optimistic.
I forced myself to believe
that my wounds are nothing
but little scratches.
I forced myself to believe
that time can heal all the wounds.

But recently, I then realized that
actually I'm fooling myself.
Because some wounds
can't be healed within time.
The scratches were so deep
and can't be healed by simple ajustment.

And it is not easy to move on
when people around me
are so happy to keep making the new wound
on the wounds that is not yet healed.

So, it is time for me to go for hiding,
living in my sanctuary,
not for running away,
but for letting my soul
completely heal in silence.

Because it is not good if I keep
fooling myself with the all lies of saying
"I'm (always) fine" and "I'm (always) okay",
when I'm actually not..

-Kanya Puspokusumo, 2018
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com

It was December.
Snowing in there.
The coldest winter I've ever experienced
But my heart was extremely warm,
with every kiss you made on my soul.

I remember every word
you whispered in my ear.
I remember every caress
and how you cherished my life.
I remember everything you did
to throw me to the utmost happiness.

It was December.
Snowing in there.
The coldest winter I've ever had.
But all memories about you warmed my heart,
and made me love you
and miss you more than ever.

Icheon, South Korea

Kanya Puspokusumo
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com

I keep trying to convince myself
there's no way for me to love you.
I dont love you.
I can't love you.
I should not love you.
"Friendship" is the magic word
that should always be a border between us.
But the love keeps knocking at my door,
and brings  the truth which cannot be denied;
that I want you in every aspect of my life,
even though this love
will only be a fire with nowhere to go.

(And deep in my heart,
I can feel that you have the same war:
convincing yourself for not loving me)

Kanya Puspokusumo, 2016
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com

I want to write a poem about you...
Expressing my inner thoughts and feelings
in the most romantic way.
Telling all dreams and desires
in a way that can burn every heart with love.
So, everyone can see that our love
is so deep and real.

But sometimes love lost its words...
It can only speak in the language
that is understood by no one
but two hearts in silence.."

Kanya Puspokusumo, 2016
http://doeniadevi.wordpress.com