Loving boys and girls is hard.
When you are stuck choosing between
loving blue or pink more,
you cannot help but wonder
why purple is not an option.
Perhaps it is because
purple is the colour
that melds the two together;
the one that is neither composed more of
nor the other.
Perhaps it is because it is the one that strangles me,
grabs me by the throat and throws me against the wall
until my skin is laced
with its beautiful tone.
It beats me senseless
until I am no longer aware
of who I was before,
nor am I willing to remain in its grasp.
I will be pressured to choose either
It is the colour that symbolizes
being ostracized for picking one over the other
whilst providing you with no other option.
will you pick pink to fit in
or blue to gain yourself privilege?
When you come out to people
and they tell you that,
“You don’t look ***. Are you sure?”
“You are just curious. You’ll get over it.”
“Wait? So you are actually ***?”
The fear lies within the lack of answer
to any of their questions,
and the absence of a ****** expression
to ease their fears, wonders and concerns.
I will cover the purple that I once displayed with pride
to diminish the need
for any further questioning.
When you need to decide between
bringing a boy home
who is a different image of “perfect”
than what your parents envisioned
and therefore only rewards the two of you
to a dinner of questions, shifty eyes and ridicule
for simply trying to love
bringing a girl home
which warrants you
to sit on the floor like a dog at Christmas dinner
whilst begging for approval
only to result in you
trying to convince them that she is only your friend.
Loving pink is making phone calls
from miles away,
phone calls whose minutes get tracked
“Are you sure that you are nothing more than friends?”
They ask with such trepidation in their voices
that I cannot help but wonder
what would happen if I told them the truth.
Loving blue is never being trusted
to do the right thing with your own body,
to be questioned with every decision
whilst he is picked apart, chewed up and spit out.
“He’s not rich enough. How will he sustain the way that you live?”
The words obviously mean to be jokes
but I am not laughing.
I never will laugh.
“Well, you were straight a week ago. What happened?”
“I thought you had a girlfriend. Are you straight again? I knew that it was a phase.”
Loving pink and blue is hard
when you know that
you will always be torn apart
for trying to love.
Purple is struggle,
Lucky for me,
it is my favourite colour.