I
having read (past participle: re[a]d? well: to re[ae]d: but that's a reed, so no) four volumes of Knausgaard's "mein kampf" i came to the conclusion that: you can write almost anything: about anything... a terrible focus comes when one starts to write about reading: not so much about writing per se, but you can pull-off any shimmy-shimmy or banality on a whim, on the sly... just follow the clues left by journalists, esp. in the editorial sections of a weekend edition... it's just easy reading, a fitting accompaniment is a philosophy book, i still don't know how or why i didn't take up Rousseau sooner, my "sin"... never anything too seriously...
II
i guess you need to be the proud owner of old vinyl, circa the 1980s... from beneath the iron curtain... old vinyl has imprints of THE CRACKLE... it's so rare to find this hardened liquorice orbit... best example, so far? maanam: nocy patrol (album): krakowski spleen (song)... oh the crackle is so important... given the vinyl has been left not-played (definitely, not, somehow not un- prefixed) for at least 20, hell... give it 10 more years... the crackle is bound to appear & make as much sense as the music...
III
my grandfather (p.b.u.h.) once remarked: don't you have any regrets? regrets about that Siberian lass, that Russian girl who took you to St. Petersburg & to see Metallica in Moscow? fade to black, we were kissing, all the Russians had their lighters out... regrets? oh, sure... all the time... it only took me 13+ years to find a good enough **** to compete with her... the month in Russia was spent with her ex-b/f beta orbiter, who probably ****** her before i came, we drank *****, we had a mighty carousel of pseudo-wind in our heads when the drinking finished... the bed swallowed me, i think i swallowed a mirror or... my shadow stuck in a mirror: perhaps i was having a conversation with a future moi... regrets?! with all the freedoms allowed women in the west, it's not like barbarian Poland with outdated abortion laws... a woman has to wait for her foetus to die, on its own, most probably killing the woman... 30 years old, with husband & daughter in tow... they'll be having a march or two to pay her tributes... a ****** will only get 12 years for ****, forget about abortion due to impregnation through the act... a deformed foetus: a parasite... headless... can't be removed... the mother & the doctor can get up to 25 years or... a life sentence for the "unlawful" removal of the foetus... because... Poland... you see... is more backwards than Ireland... i never thought it could be possible... the separation of the church from state hasn't happened: although it was apparently segregated under the Soviet umbrella... Polish Communism worked... now... a massive diaspora of these people almost everywhere... regrets?! i think this Russian gal had a "thing" for ruining Polacks... she was engaged to me, she broke it off... she married another ******... a neurosurgeon... married him... she had some muffins on the side... she divorced... married again... some Scottish schmuck... *******... she started to collect tarantulas & serpents... i abhor spiders... regrets... hmm... she's 2 years younger than me... she's done her practice engagement & is on her second marriage... volatile *****... regrets?! i own a ******* bicycle, i don't need a car i don't need traffic... it's Loon'don!
IV
as ugly as a moonless night, one thanks i can give, is that there are visible constellations.
V
all saints' feast day in Poland is a huge affair, people shuffle in the necropolis, i joke: what democracy in Poland? when he died, my friend, my grandfather, he stole all the time i was willing to give to this little "oasis" of delusions & historical leftovers... now there's only a spatial orientation: absolutely no association with the impetus of time... candles... wreaths... two days after the feast day i had to go alone into the graveyard at night & have myself a goodbye a year that passed since all the formalities of a funeral... with a bottle of ***** & some music in my ears... poured a little of ***** onto the grave, poured some into me... like a CYGAN (gypsy, Roma)... took some photographs of trees, of shadows, or necro-statues... democracy in Poland... haha... necrocracy... i am completely divorced from this nation of my birth... plus... plenty of unsafe drivers... most of them remind me of the ninjas & Pakistanis in London... forget about curating oneself aggressively in the medium of traffic... we're talking about people being so careful about their prized objects that they end up being careless about how they curate themselves: flow! flow! you skip... you hop... you're mediating getting from A to B... it's a simple jest... unconscious arithmetic of space... get with the project...
VI
idle fingers, for two weeks i met the night with... lukewarm *****... ugly *****... *****... esp. when mixed... best drank directly... i know i know... never drink lukewarm *****... ensure it's teasing its freezing point... so it turns to something reminiscent of gomme syrope...
but...
words thrown to the wind, almost proverb-like:
a) co ma piernik do wiatraka?
(what does a windmill have to do with a
gingerbread [softie]}?
b) pretensje do garbatego ze ma proste
dzieci...
(grievances to a hunchback that he has
upright children)
sly little *****... who?! *****!
it's not like the marriage of ms. amber & herr whiskers...
whiskey...
sly little *****... terrible when mixed...
best drank straight... nearing her freezing point...
i don't understand how the English
manage to drink the ***** that's
***** mixed with orange juice:
it's *****!
VII
two weeks in Poland... away from my dearest England...
how dry the air is on the continent,
esp. during winter...
so little worth of mention of birch trees...
so little of pines...
crown of the botanical kingdom:
the oak...
but so little of pines so little of birches...
perhaps an accent of a birch here & there...
but entire forests of birch trees?
impossible...
it's an island, after all!
the air is wet... the weather is whimsical...
at least on the continent you can expect
to cherish a week's worth of cloudless skies...
i kind of think i adore this land
more than the natives who inhabit it...
although: these people deserve...
my uninhibited adoration...
their language esp.
why i rather write their zunge:
too many orthographic distinctions in my nativ(e)...
but i have to tease at the Deutsche...
i have to...
VIII
Roger Moore was the ultimate Bond, i tend to forget the Scotch accenting of the whole "affair"... mishter... blah blah... shecond floor... all that Duran Duran & the fatal blonde of: view to a ****...
IX
backwards people: it seems that even the German have done enough interracial breeding to somehow forget the Nazis... who are the backwards people? "my" people... those still persuasively orientating themselves around... the first non-Italian pope was a ******... hoo-ha! well done... pat on the shoulder... we'll have the end of the world, "the end" when an African will sit on the throne: some say... i'm waiting for an Irishman... but i'm pretty certain... it's not the people of these isles... it's the isles themselves that i adore so much... don't get me wrong... these... ahem... "tourists" need to be acknowledged... ****'s sake: i did a probe into Romford & hey presto! the whole world "thought" it was necessary to... congregate... someone from Moldova... someone from Pakistan... the entire world is "here"... is this an "oops" moment or is this the natural leftover of an unavoidable implosion of empire?
X
backwards people, "my" folk... i don't own them: time's right to read some Rousseau... perhaps some irritation with the concept of a diaspora... the English diaspora in Spain... seasonal drunken ****** on the Greek Islands? new English: Anglo-Slav... no, i don't think i'm in any way "old English"... then again: English is: there's always something (a)new... i just can't stomach all this proto-h'american racial *******... Saxons outstretched... it's hard to think of what if: if these Saxons were actually Swabians or Pomeranians...
XI
i very much adore the idea of being able to fall in love, i want to rekindle an old flame of the idiotic me that was able to fall in love... who could trust... i wish with such dire consequences to be able to rekindle a chance to love like a puppy.... i want to love, how i miss doubtless trust... the flimsy touch... then again... new love... ms. amber & herr whiskers... how i love to drink... my love for drinking has overshadowed all the potential for courtship offers in its least... i have become so rigid in my courtship of time, i have become so suffocating, so predictable to myself... loving someone else could... would end up becoming a suffering... but i like the idea... i like the idea of falling in love... i, only recently, fell in love with a stewardess... flying from Warsaw to London... such milky tenderness of skin... such Slavic wolfish eyes... but the skin... i couldn't want to envy the ivory of afro sclera.... such a circus... being so spoilt for choice... i know that i'm a walking... late: abortion... it's beyond my concern or care to gravitate toward these arguments...
XII
i walk into a pub, ask for half a pint of Guinness,
the girl serving me, heavily tattooed...
duck lips...
outraged roots, flimsy pink...
do i really have to listen to Lithuanian songs
about the winged hussars?
Ottoman turks?
i guess so... minutes later...
a bad advert from 888.com poker....
she likes me, i like her....
but she's donning a pair of jeans
that might at best have been
chewed by a dozen of hyenas...
bite to grip bite to grip:
haggle! haggle! grrrrrrrrr.....
rapt: the trill on the Ar....
