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"preteen" poems
The inadequate bookshelf that sat near the door that my sister used to call her own was mostly made up of adolescent reads, books better suited for preteen girls rather than intellectually budding young ladies— juvenile vocabularies and simple, non-complex plot lines do little to craft and create worldly, knowledgeable women. I thought I must spring clean the naiveté away and replace it with the works of great authors like Sylvia Plath                        Simone de Beauvoir                                                              Virginia Woolf                        Margaret Atwood Betty Friedan; ingenious femme fatales that cut down to the brittled bones of the misogynists and burned their marrow along with the ashes of bras and aprons and 350 degree oven heat.   Growing up, to me, seemed like a wonderful epiphany chock-full of ideas and opinions and clever, ironic remarks that chased satirical witticisms like felines to rodents and wolves to deer— being an adult would guarantee me a say, a vote            prior 1920’s America                                                   play dress up as a suffragette            women’s rights femininity personified by dolls in plastic houses. To be eighteen-years-old, the goal, the legality, the bright light at the end of the tunnel; the official womanhood it would bestow upon me seemed like something almost tangible with the way that it loomed over my head. Get good marks graduate high school travel back in time sixty years meet a nice boy become a “good wife” have dinner ready by five bear two beautiful heirs clean up the messes left in the kitchen fast-forward to the twenty-first century go to a good college find a stable career settle down if the fancy strikes you live non-docile and full of passion— the parallelism of times are severely di     lap           i             dat                   ed. 1950’s America would never be a home for me because I am much too wild to be contained.
0
Oct 14, 2013
Oct 14, 2013 at 12:12 AM UTC
Exemplar
The inadequate bookshelf that sat near the door that my sister used to call her own was mostly made up of adolescent reads, books better suited for preteen girls rather than intellectually budding young ladies— juvenile vocabularies and simple, non-complex plot lines do little to craft and create worldly, knowledgeable women. I thought I must spring clean the naiveté away and replace it with the works of great authors like Sylvia Plath                        Simone de Beauvoir                                                              Virginia Woolf                        Margaret Atwood Betty Friedan; ingenious femme fatales that cut down to the brittled bones of the misogynists and burned their marrow along with the ashes of bras and aprons and 350 degree oven heat.   Growing up, to me, seemed like a wonderful epiphany chock-full of ideas and opinions and clever, ironic remarks that chased satirical witticisms like felines to rodents and wolves to deer— being an adult would guarantee me a say, a vote            prior 1920’s America                                                   play dress up as a suffragette            women’s rights femininity personified by dolls in plastic houses. To be eighteen-years-old, the goal, the legality, the bright light at the end of the tunnel; the official womanhood it would bestow upon me seemed like something almost tangible with the way that it loomed over my head. Get good marks graduate high school travel back in time sixty years meet a nice boy become a “good wife” have dinner ready by five bear two beautiful heirs clean up the messes left in the kitchen fast-forward to the twenty-first century go to a good college find a stable career settle down if the fancy strikes you live non-docile and full of passion— the parallelism of times are severely di     lap           i             dat                   ed. 1950’s America would never be a home for me because I am much too wild to be contained.
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56
in younger years i remember trying so hard to gain the affection of the opposite *** and i'm not really sure why because well in middle school there was this girl named dezarae and everyone loved her because she was thin and wore make up and her hair was always nice just like her clothes that accentuated her blossoming ******* i think there was a boy named kyle or something similar to that i'm not sure anymore but he was always around her as well as me since i guess dezarae considered me her best friend and at first i liked kyle but then i liked her it was around that time that i met this other girl named amber who wore glasses and had long hair that didn't always look nice and her clothes weren't the best just like her teeth but i remember she was as thin as a twig and just as flatchested as i was we became the best of friends and i felt equal in her company my feelings for her grew when we would spend friday nights together at each others house depending on what week it was but i remember her and i speaking one day gossiping about everyone at school like dezarae and i don't know why but i lied when amber asked me "well i heard dezarae was bisexual she likes girls and boys isn't that disgusting?" i replied with "oh gosh what that is just so gross" i was so confused why was it so wrong to like someone who was just the same as you are because i liked amber in a way that i should have liked a boy.
0
Dec 27, 2012
Dec 27, 2012 at 7:08 PM UTC
preteen prefix prewrite
Behind me and my daughter In line for the Ferris wheel Perhaps when you are older You will find breastfeeding Is the least nasty thing Your child will do Wait for the projectile ***** The diaper explosions Snot handed to you So kindly like a present Wait for the strangers to ask you "So when do you plan to get your body back?" My body never left It did the most badass thing Any body could ever do What have you done With the beautiful sharp mind and body God has given you? Used your eyes and words To judge other women Looked at your tummy in the mirror and thought "I should be skinnier." It is a shame, Women ought to stick together So I'm going to tell you now Your bodies are amazing Magical, you might say Life giving, you're **** right Do not judge me Say that my nursing toddler is nasty Look at her face, How can you be so cruel? For ***** sake, It's just a ****** I can see more of you Pre-thirteen In your crop top and skinny jeans Than you can of me
0
May 25, 2015
May 25, 2015 at 10:19 PM UTC
Dear Preteen Girls
I’m not a hideous wall flower; school girl steam pleat, designer girl, Nike or Jordon’s silly Preteen, air heads I’m gifted, provocative, I am the teen princess. I able to fuss, blush and rebel, I’m awkward, backward, I am Peppy long stocking; I’m all that! I am teen of the pack; I am not likely to turn back I am your commercial, billboard cover story Smarter than you can imagine, I am passionate, but a little old fashion, yet modern, bold and witty, Oh yes! I’m so ambitious, super delicious, super fly with an upbeat modernize Hollywood red carpet style I speak in a youthful way; that’s my urban thesaurus I am not curse, the curse that invades your privacy, sometimes, I am sluggish and  downright lazy? I am mommy baby and Daddy maybe However, I’m no wall flower
0
Nov 19, 2013
Nov 19, 2013 at 7:11 AM UTC
I amn't A Steam Pleat Teen
How **** rough can society get? I know a beautiful girl who takes a blade to her wrist, She’s 105 pounds, and thinks her stomach is fat, Exactly what can make her think that? Hunger pains linger every time she goes to sleep, Because at night, bulimia is telling her “don’t eat!” But that’s fine, right? I mean, models do it too, And everybody wants to look like they do, true? I don’t think so, trying to explain it is useless, This fella thinks model behavior is hella stupid, It really bothers me that people listen to the media, People, need to stop eating what they’re feeding ya’, You don’t need your ribs sticking out to be attractive, And preteen girls don’t need to be sexually active, I’m so done, sitting here, hoping we can turn the page, Call me John Mayer, because I’m waiting on the world to change.
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Apr 2, 2013
Apr 2, 2013 at 10:18 PM UTC
Social Assessment
-A Psalm Of Johnson Regarding How To Get  Saved Because all have sinned and strayed away from God's path, We are all deserving of his perfectly just wrath. But God instead sent his equal to die in our place, Because he is infinitely full of love and grace. So in order to escape from your eternal doom, You must believe God raised Christ from the dead in his tomb!
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Dec 25, 2020
Dec 25, 2020 at 1:33 AM UTC
Recovered Fragments: Semi intact Papyrus 44
-A lament by the preteen Queen of Mesopotamia. Late September, During summer, My great kingdom was obliterated by raiders. My poor people, Young and feeble, Were all mercilessly butchered by those strangers. Every temple, Made of beryl, Was then looted and set on fire by their archers! And as for me, A preteen Queen, Slavery is now my role for their vile leaders!
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Sep 27, 2020
Sep 27, 2020 at 9:53 PM UTC
Recovered Fragments: Reconstructed Papyrus 29
72 ways to tell if your crush likes you Always sent me in the worst preteen spirals Because I wasn’t exactly sure how to casually check to see If his pupils would dilate during our conversations And, after a few seconds of my intense evaluation, he’d stop And ask if he had food stuck in his teeth And, if so, then I should be a pal and tell him Because he wanted to impress My best friend when she walked into the room. That summer you two held an-end-of-the-year bonfire, Where everyone brought their troubled old exams, Bradburying their barely year old textbooks, While toasting marshmallow s’mores atop the education protest. My contribution was something more of a retribution, Because I brought the poppiest, peppiest, most duplicitous, Beauty magazine I owned       [It made me feel ugly and unwanted,        Judged me by my choice in mascara,        And set me up for heartbreak all too young]. As I watched it catch fire and morph into molten, I couldn’t help and laugh, Relief flooded through my veins when I saw that, Even when the deemed beautiful is destroyed, It crumbled down to the same unidentifiable inked gray, Earth to earth, Ashes to ashes, Dust to dust.
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Aug 5, 2013
Aug 5, 2013 at 9:14 AM UTC
Burning Beauty
Box fitted vans moving on the prowl. Waiting for these kids in an easy take Preteen gangster violence, With your lovely daughter playing jail bait. We're all thievish wolves, All hungry for more, we're hungry for more. So please tell me that this is under control. As our sons sniffing the product you were forced to recall. Please tell me that this is under control while your misses is prostituting just to feel at home. Please tell me that this is under control While my darling little princess is lying tagged by the toe. Our therapies are burning and our do hearts do swell, Which has got us in love with these feelings, that we've never felt. And I'll take these violent words as nothing more then a test. Try to feed me please for this is nothing more then a crimson mess. This nuclear family Is decaying Right in front of me, Right in front of me. Covered by the trace in the hallow moonlight, pack of wolves at our back. Some one calls out in silence, are fresh killers what we lack? We're ragged fools, just fear in the fold only to feel at home. Our therapies are burning as our do hearts do swell, Which has got us in love with these feelings, that we've never felt. And I'll take this fermented world, right off my chest. Then lead you to the ruins, for the better I digress. Now forgive me, this is how the story goes. Feeding in the innocent stripped to the bones. Please tell me that this is under control While your misses is prostituting just to feel at home. Please tell me we are under control. Swinging from the gallows, caught by the throat.
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Jan 30, 2014
Jan 30, 2014 at 6:17 PM UTC
Aim for the Bushes.
Box fitted vans moving on the prowl. Waiting for these kids in an easy take Preteen gangster violence, With your lovely daughter playing jail bait. We're all thievish wolves, All hungry for more, we're hungry for more. So please tell me that this is under control. As our sons sniffing the product you were forced to recall. Please tell me that this is under control while your misses is prostituting just to feel at home. Please tell me that this is under control While my darling little princess is lying tagged by the toe. Our therapies are burning and our do hearts do swell, Which has got us in love with these feelings, that we've never felt. And I'll take these violent words as nothing more then a test. Try to feed me please for this is nothing more then a crimson mess. This nuclear family Is decaying Right in front of me, Right in front of me. Covered by the trace in the hallow moonlight, pack of wolves at our back. Some one calls out in silence, are fresh killers what we lack? We're ragged fools, just fear in the fold only to feel at home. Our therapies are burning as our do hearts do swell, Which has got us in love with these feelings, that we've never felt. And I'll take this fermented world, right off my chest. Then lead you to the ruins, for the better I digress. Now forgive me, this is how the story goes. Feeding in the innocent stripped to the bones. Please tell me that this is under control While your misses is prostituting just to feel at home. Please tell me we are under control. Swinging from the gallows, caught by the throat.
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33
when i was born, you cried to our grandmother because you wanted a brother and got stuck with me, instead. and what a turn of events that became. when i was a baby, i busted the back of your teeth out with a bottle of perfume, most likely contributing to your repetitive dreams of your teeth falling out. sometimes i think of this when you say your "th"s. when i was a child, you would pick peppers with our dad down the street and hold eating competitions while i squashed berries in my little tyke car. we played mouse trap on the floor. when i completed my first decade of life, you packed your bags, got on a bus, got married, and were deployed for the first time. i don't remember much of those days. i only remember the first phone call, "yours truly, from iraq." when i was eleven, you came home, war torn and ragged and divorced from an army wife who was never really a wife at all. you moved on, in some ways more than others. you were different, changed. when i became a preteen, i met a girl, and looked at our mom and i said, "he's going to marry that girl." and marry her, you did, and had your first child, too. when i was a teenager, you taught me important life lessons like how i act when i'm drunk and how to do sake bombs like i belong in asia. you taught me to eat with chopsticks. through babysitting, i learned to wait to have a child. and now, at twenty years old, everything is different. living down the street from me, then in the old house, and finally in our mom's house with me, the dynamics changed. we became the best friends we'd always tried to be, but were too distant to maintain. we gained trust and inside jokes. you finally gave approval of my boyfriend. we wreaked havoc and stayed up way too late. but then you moved five hundred miles away, and every day my heart feels ripped into pieces. i miss all the jokes, and you waking me up to our favorite songs. i miss my brother. i miss my bubby. i hope one day one of us will go home.
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Sep 6, 2012
Sep 6, 2012 at 2:30 AM UTC
to my brother.
when i was born, you cried to our grandmother because you wanted a brother and got stuck with me, instead. and what a turn of events that became. when i was a baby, i busted the back of your teeth out with a bottle of perfume, most likely contributing to your repetitive dreams of your teeth falling out. sometimes i think of this when you say your "th"s. when i was a child, you would pick peppers with our dad down the street and hold eating competitions while i squashed berries in my little tyke car. we played mouse trap on the floor. when i completed my first decade of life, you packed your bags, got on a bus, got married, and were deployed for the first time. i don't remember much of those days. i only remember the first phone call, "yours truly, from iraq." when i was eleven, you came home, war torn and ragged and divorced from an army wife who was never really a wife at all. you moved on, in some ways more than others. you were different, changed. when i became a preteen, i met a girl, and looked at our mom and i said, "he's going to marry that girl." and marry her, you did, and had your first child, too. when i was a teenager, you taught me important life lessons like how i act when i'm drunk and how to do sake bombs like i belong in asia. you taught me to eat with chopsticks. through babysitting, i learned to wait to have a child. and now, at twenty years old, everything is different. living down the street from me, then in the old house, and finally in our mom's house with me, the dynamics changed. we became the best friends we'd always tried to be, but were too distant to maintain. we gained trust and inside jokes. you finally gave approval of my boyfriend. we wreaked havoc and stayed up way too late. but then you moved five hundred miles away, and every day my heart feels ripped into pieces. i miss all the jokes, and you waking me up to our favorite songs. i miss my brother. i miss my bubby. i hope one day one of us will go home.
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55
The ********** The creepy old fat man from Sweden Cheatin' and scams his partners Farting old ******* rat dog Harbors innocent little girls Like a **** hogg Looks just like a 300 pound rat Fat *** clown pervert We are all to blame for that? For the criminally insane Lame brain Bring back the nice guillotine Chop off the **** of the mean old man who ruins the preteen! Steals money then gets killed The beat goes on... Beat in his fat head like a drum Dumb old creepy **** Worthless gimp His days are numbered Price on his head Uses us all takes our bread! But soon he is flat dead! Dedicated to Bjorn Henry Jonasson From Sweden the worst pervert I ever met, I bet he got killed in Thailand!
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Jan 3, 2015
Jan 3, 2015 at 6:16 AM UTC
********** Jicket
The news never stops, but sometimes it breaks strange, like when the cops tell us, Man throws dog at sister. It didn't fly far, but across town, the Police did finally catch another stray dog on the Eisenhower Expressway. I hear it's driving a '98 Toyota Corolla, which has nothing to do with the 3 critically injured when their vehicle hits a pole on the Kennedy Expressway. They could be spooked by the report that a Suburban girl, 11, threatened to shoot up her school bus. She's been told pink bullets are the latest preteen fad, and to prove her absurd point, there's more bad news of 2 children injured in a Far South Side shooting. Add their names to the piled-up statistics and the multiple PR reasons an often divided State Legislature and Mayor Daley will try again to crack down on gun violence. This equation's always out of balance.
0
Apr 29, 2010
Apr 29, 2010 at 7:17 PM UTC
Straying Math of Dogs and Bullets
Inside, Your cancer's beating heart My ******* shakes, dirt dust gone I swipe the sand away. For every ounce of **** Laughing out meaty red raw steaks and size zero thighs. - For everythingsobad. You rattle my dream box with your sweet blue face and your gauges for neither being an idiot or being human. Too cute of you booboo. Captivity claws at you, you big bafoon, intolerant, shuffling your predicates back and forth during your 12am nonsensical ******** So long as it doesn't interfere with your curfew. Like soggy altered-state popcorn. Your butter catches more flies than knives, the inauthentic gestures spattering over the rhythms and rolls of your fingertips is torture to watch. Kitchen countertop influenza. A tired dictionary of sad words, poor misfortunes, tired eyelids, silty and sandy crusty inside corners of the eyes .rearing privilege countertop crawlers. inaudible coos used by muses who can't keep their musings from tangling the long distance dial tone soaring through the ears like an Italian operatic melodrama. A horse, three brides, and a funeral. One woman, a sick child, blindness, blinding caused by toxins of the body stuck inside your gelatinous fishlike eyelids. Where's there an eye bib and a lance when you need one? A nifty electric toothbrush shank with extra reach and plaque protection. You're the kitchen sink they threw in, a budget meeting with a data analysis staph infection. A government where nobody wins. All the kids grow up with thin skin and an aorta with no ventricles in it. It's like the cynical prison system that we had to survive in our 8th grade basement dungeon. Thundering, curmudgeons drugging sluggishly, **** teen thugs. Preteen pornstars sluicing cash through their meaty canals, ******* the ******** and ******* the back bare in a messy afternoon of **** ******* Crusty infectious rumors made worse by brothers and moms, eating handfuls of Norco just to keep the family strong.
0
May 1, 2015
May 1, 2015 at 7:16 PM UTC
Friday May 1st, 2015 5:1:15:I'm Bored:001 WONKUH
Inside, Your cancer's beating heart My ******* shakes, dirt dust gone I swipe the sand away. For every ounce of **** Laughing out meaty red raw steaks and size zero thighs. - For everythingsobad. You rattle my dream box with your sweet blue face and your gauges for neither being an idiot or being human. Too cute of you booboo. Captivity claws at you, you big bafoon, intolerant, shuffling your predicates back and forth during your 12am nonsensical ******** So long as it doesn't interfere with your curfew. Like soggy altered-state popcorn. Your butter catches more flies than knives, the inauthentic gestures spattering over the rhythms and rolls of your fingertips is torture to watch. Kitchen countertop influenza. A tired dictionary of sad words, poor misfortunes, tired eyelids, silty and sandy crusty inside corners of the eyes .rearing privilege countertop crawlers. inaudible coos used by muses who can't keep their musings from tangling the long distance dial tone soaring through the ears like an Italian operatic melodrama. A horse, three brides, and a funeral. One woman, a sick child, blindness, blinding caused by toxins of the body stuck inside your gelatinous fishlike eyelids. Where's there an eye bib and a lance when you need one? A nifty electric toothbrush shank with extra reach and plaque protection. You're the kitchen sink they threw in, a budget meeting with a data analysis staph infection. A government where nobody wins. All the kids grow up with thin skin and an aorta with no ventricles in it. It's like the cynical prison system that we had to survive in our 8th grade basement dungeon. Thundering, curmudgeons drugging sluggishly, **** teen thugs. Preteen pornstars sluicing cash through their meaty canals, ******* the ******** and ******* the back bare in a messy afternoon of **** ******* Crusty infectious rumors made worse by brothers and moms, eating handfuls of Norco just to keep the family strong.
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8
You ask me how I find the time, But time is not the issue, For they, are all prepared, needing only recognition, For they, are all in readiness, needing only composition I see a toddler swaying, see him to disaster lurching, Somehow avoided with last second seer-like swerving, Ten times in a ten foot walk across a patio, My eyes code red at the incredible risk/reward ratio, It is nature at it most incredible, miraculous, ordinariness A young girl of ten wears a pocketbook across her forearm, In the style of an elderly woman, as she plays with Barbie, Tho her body immature, her psyche, says note my Iconology, her accoutrement, texts a message subtly, I am preteen, I am near woman, treat me accordingly Dueling iPads in bed is a poem in my head, rhymes accurate of screen reflections of an X factor that stimulates my cerebral cortex. Verbal ointment that I posses can't fix a flat tire, but sets me up for a personal review, self awareness Gone mad and with finger, on gas station floor, In the grime, words are realized/written concretely, what my heart speaks freely Within each day, miracles present themselves, Gauntlets thrown, note them well and be justified, Visions, external to my physical self, Yet product of internal chemical reactions That blow through my veins, swirling, Word leaves, on a November weekend, Windswept from a thousand directions, So you ask me how I find the time, The question proper be amended, How do the times find me, How do I know them, And why, do I share them
0
May 21, 2013
May 21, 2013 at 1:14 PM UTC
You ask me how I find the time to write, ask how do the times find me...
You ask me how I find the time, But time is not the issue, For they, are all prepared, needing only recognition, For they, are all in readiness, needing only composition I see a toddler swaying, see him to disaster lurching, Somehow avoided with last second seer-like swerving, Ten times in a ten foot walk across a patio, My eyes code red at the incredible risk/reward ratio, It is nature at it most incredible, miraculous, ordinariness A young girl of ten wears a pocketbook across her forearm, In the style of an elderly woman, as she plays with Barbie, Tho her body immature, her psyche, says note my Iconology, her accoutrement, texts a message subtly, I am preteen, I am near woman, treat me accordingly Dueling iPads in bed is a poem in my head, rhymes accurate of screen reflections of an X factor that stimulates my cerebral cortex. Verbal ointment that I posses can't fix a flat tire, but sets me up for a personal review, self awareness Gone mad and with finger, on gas station floor, In the grime, words are realized/written concretely, what my heart speaks freely Within each day, miracles present themselves, Gauntlets thrown, note them well and be justified, Visions, external to my physical self, Yet product of internal chemical reactions That blow through my veins, swirling, Word leaves, on a November weekend, Windswept from a thousand directions, So you ask me how I find the time, The question proper be amended, How do the times find me, How do I know them, And why, do I share them
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34
Lately I've been Thinking about this little girl That was in the room next to mine At the state rehab Facility when I Was 13 She was always Crying And being Told to wash her face Use her coping skills She was 6 And her parents told Her they were going Out for ice cream Then they dropped her Off And she hasn't seen Them in two weeks So she's crying And she's scared And she's telling this To a drugged up Hospital gowned (they took all my clothes at check in) Preteen She's scared I've got scars up And down my arms She's scared And she's crying And this isn't the ice cream parlor Down the street From her suburban home And this isn't her bed These aren't her friends And I don't know why But I promised her that everything would be ok And that it was fine to be scared          her parents were coming back Everything would be fine And perhaps there would be pudding With sprinkles at lunch Which is pretty close to ice cream. I wrapped my pinky around Hers Half the size And I promised her all of these things None of which I really knew To be true A nurse came barreling down the hallway And screamed at me For interacting with a younger Girl in a different program Then they moved her to a different room I never saw her again Heard her cry And I forgot about her Little blotchy Swollen face Crying to me Throughout the years Then a few weeks ago I remembered that you had promised to me You would always be here Which you couldn't possibly know And I thought of the girl And the ice cream All of the promises I made I wondered if I had lied To her And I wondered Why we so often Make promises We aren't entirely sure Will be kept?
0
Aug 19, 2016
Aug 19, 2016 at 2:01 PM UTC
Pinky swear//thoughts from anywhere but here
Lately I've been Thinking about this little girl That was in the room next to mine At the state rehab Facility when I Was 13 She was always Crying And being Told to wash her face Use her coping skills She was 6 And her parents told Her they were going Out for ice cream Then they dropped her Off And she hasn't seen Them in two weeks So she's crying And she's scared And she's telling this To a drugged up Hospital gowned (they took all my clothes at check in) Preteen She's scared I've got scars up And down my arms She's scared And she's crying And this isn't the ice cream parlor Down the street From her suburban home And this isn't her bed These aren't her friends And I don't know why But I promised her that everything would be ok And that it was fine to be scared          her parents were coming back Everything would be fine And perhaps there would be pudding With sprinkles at lunch Which is pretty close to ice cream. I wrapped my pinky around Hers Half the size And I promised her all of these things None of which I really knew To be true A nurse came barreling down the hallway And screamed at me For interacting with a younger Girl in a different program Then they moved her to a different room I never saw her again Heard her cry And I forgot about her Little blotchy Swollen face Crying to me Throughout the years Then a few weeks ago I remembered that you had promised to me You would always be here Which you couldn't possibly know And I thought of the girl And the ice cream All of the promises I made I wondered if I had lied To her And I wondered Why we so often Make promises We aren't entirely sure Will be kept?
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76
I forced my razor knife down into an anniversary coffee cup crammed with pens, pencils, two pairs of scissors, and one roll of color film I'm afraid to develop. I jammed it in blade- up so I'd have to deal with the hard part first like a blank page before an accidental tongue slip drips ink and makes the page pretty. Some tree I've never met and some pink dye died for me to cover this pressed pulp in illegible squiggles; and I'll be damned if I let it down. 'cause I'm drawn to things without opinions. Sketchbooks, inkwells, rubber band bracelets, a mixed-nut dragonfly rested on my trampoline net. // Cut it free // cut it loose. Find a brick behind the shed and smash it dead,—preteen me— young Wordsworth me. I pulled the sepia tape from Queen cassettes and finished the glossy plastic off with a vise grip in Dad's truck. Old Brucey had mustard pinstripes down the driver's side, all the way down to the Germania General Store. He was a blur to me before I could buy my own Dreamsicles. Passing the chicken feed and the resident, caged dachshund couple, I saw his face for the first time. Seventeen-years- old, staring at my grandpa through picture and plate glass panes. The angels he swore were real—the ones he payed, praised, and prayed for every Sunday and everyday the sun shined and everyday it didn't— were now less deserving of heaven.
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Jan 14, 2015
Jan 14, 2015 at 1:00 AM UTC
Young Wordsworth Me
I was a little girl yesterday morning, With a flash of red hair and a gap-toothed grin Laughing and playing on the swing at my favorite park. I was a confused pre-teen that afternoon, Scraping her knees on jagged insults Holding in tears for secret bathroom visits Where she would push her fingers Into her throat and Pray on her knees that her lunch would Reappear like a magic trick. I was a scared teenager by evening, Kissing girls and running away from The demons in my head with voices That sounded like my mother’s. By midnight I was on the floor shaking, Back to twenty, back to who I am now Wishing those past me’s would understand that I needed Something more. Yet this morning I sat up in my bed and greeted the sun with a Flash of red hair and a close-gapped grin And I am here now, Here remembering, being present and Knowing who I was Ten years ago twelve years ago fifteen years ago five minutes ago Is exactly who I needed to be, Doing exactly what I needed to do. Scraping my knees and elbows And pushing my finger down my throat And feeling ugly all the time, That’s not what I needed but it’s Who I was Who I couldn’t stop being because I Didn’t know how. In my mind, I am not That little girl, that preteen, that teenager I am me. I am Bumping and bruising and Breaking, sometimes, along the way but this Is where I stand. And those past selves stand Hand-in-hand somewhere along The equator of my brain Like paper dolls unfolded Through my history.
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Dec 8, 2014
Dec 8, 2014 at 6:10 PM UTC
Paper Past Selves
I was a little girl yesterday morning, With a flash of red hair and a gap-toothed grin Laughing and playing on the swing at my favorite park. I was a confused pre-teen that afternoon, Scraping her knees on jagged insults Holding in tears for secret bathroom visits Where she would push her fingers Into her throat and Pray on her knees that her lunch would Reappear like a magic trick. I was a scared teenager by evening, Kissing girls and running away from The demons in my head with voices That sounded like my mother’s. By midnight I was on the floor shaking, Back to twenty, back to who I am now Wishing those past me’s would understand that I needed Something more. Yet this morning I sat up in my bed and greeted the sun with a Flash of red hair and a close-gapped grin And I am here now, Here remembering, being present and Knowing who I was Ten years ago twelve years ago fifteen years ago five minutes ago Is exactly who I needed to be, Doing exactly what I needed to do. Scraping my knees and elbows And pushing my finger down my throat And feeling ugly all the time, That’s not what I needed but it’s Who I was Who I couldn’t stop being because I Didn’t know how. In my mind, I am not That little girl, that preteen, that teenager I am me. I am Bumping and bruising and Breaking, sometimes, along the way but this Is where I stand. And those past selves stand Hand-in-hand somewhere along The equator of my brain Like paper dolls unfolded Through my history.
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My preteen years were filled with white zinfandel dreams and a collage of wood panelling. Broken thoughts become ninety proof lies; drink- don't think. Diet Coke cans filled with wine, hiding from myself but mostly from my grandmother I wanted to conceal my role as the family ****** for as long as possible but then I hit a wall. Drinking is a constant love affair, I keep coming back like a battered wife because I can't get a grip on my battered life. Living for the burn that spread its legs all the way down my throat. You're going to die, they say. Maybe one day, I'll believe them.
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Oct 7, 2014
Oct 7, 2014 at 11:27 PM UTC
***** as Self Harm
You gotta remember that we're just upright primates full of fear, pounding chest, full of joy, vicious in survival. Small band of the Hand clumping together, increasingly clustering, like fractal adolescence. Fighting and ******* Cuban Missile Crisis, and Free Love Sixties. Proof that solutions for small Hand & Bobono don't fit sullen temperament of precious preteen.
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Jun 28, 2015
Jun 28, 2015 at 1:38 PM UTC
Fear Walking Primates
Dear Child of the Flesh your Sacrifice pure All for your Push to this High-End Pursuit Numb your Aware its Ending Line demure Purge all these Benefits from your Wanted Fruit Though of Age, still Raw your Seeds germinate Whilst Roasting the Lamb these Hawks fly to bite When the Dharmapala's Warnings come too late Then disrupt his Program for Full Life despite Still by this Wish for Superstition's Core Your Full-Circled Tale many still Subscribe That by Virtue in Truth your Life accord Such Plombs do seep as True Friendship imbibe. Courage at least, your Preteen Age devise As these Merchants still Exploit your Advise. ‬
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Jul 24, 2013
Jul 24, 2013 at 12:39 AM UTC
SONNET TRIBUTE SUNDRY - TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY TWO - TOM DALEY
In the name of health I stopped bandaid-ing with busyness with food with spending with caffeine with you and it stripped me raw back to a preteen self before the trauma really came and a preteen me after the waves hit year after year of desperation soothed by self medication Exposed without crutches I find a dull pulse of someone who wishes to be rotting because to rot suggests life and I feel like a statue in pieces that never meant much of anything to anyone not even my creators counting hours down without anything to count to; afraid to live like I was and afraid to exist like I am I'm taking my courage with what little grace I can offer and I'm giving into faith, the Father.
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May 29, 2014
May 29, 2014 at 1:23 AM UTC
A Prayer For Trauma Survivors - Age 25
when I was little I Climbed a thousand trees Ran through dark forests and Scraped my knees but I Picked myself up Every Time I Fell Down the Smile of my Youth Turned everything Around when I was a child I saw people for the Truth I saw in their eyes the Miles of Hurt or Pain with No Proof but what I Didn’t notice was the Pain inside my heart I didn’t understand this, was Tearing me Apart when I was a preteen I started to like boys I found out girls are mean and that men Treat you like Toys but even though They Hurt Me I kept Pushing myself Forward thought I could make them See that everything was Backward when I turned 16 I fell Down a Spiraled black hole Tried to walk the streets Unseen at least Never Showing what he Stole Silently I Suffered Blood falling Down my arms my whole Reality was altered but I set off no Alarms when I turned _ _ I looked back on my life and what I Realized was how my back took that Knife I’m definitely Happy don’t deny me what I’m Feeling but when my days go ****** I now know what He was Stealing when I Grew Up I was 14 years old my Eyes had gotten Darker and my blood was running Cold my Innocence had been Stolen while I tried to Find My Dreams Instead those dreams were Broken and No one heard my Screams
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Apr 1, 2012
Apr 1, 2012 at 9:41 PM UTC
autobiography.
we are back to ten preteen novelties, bralettes, tents you meditating, holy book in hand quiet scribbles, I pen something for you a meditation on how the light falls so strikingly on your face ink bleeds through the page you are in so many of my dreams knight in shining armour rumpelstiltskin twirling, spinning gold I hear you say “she’s so deranged I’ll take her” I smile and look away something fragile flutters I catch myself blushing this moment blossoms into a hundred more bad poems
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Nov 1, 2015
Nov 1, 2015 at 1:18 AM UTC
stirrings