Ive learned so many life lessons why do they feel like punishments. Ive made mistakes I walk eggshells trying to be right keep my name outta ppls mouths but they still keep talking ****.
I want to fight back im tired of being a used and taken for granted.
I help my family give my all even if its not enough. ive set the bar but no one cares to meet the standards. I dont say anything but im seen as stuck up. I filter myself to be seen as someone im not eventually the truth comes out. I want to be loved and accepted but I hate becoming someone im not someone I dont understand.
Im able to show my world but others dilute my vision.

little bird
cant fly; cant fly
eyes always
looking at the sky
Never heard of a bird that can't fly
**** up lil bird
cold soup;
is all u gonna ever try
feed ur lovesick heart
lil bird
lovepotion is losing its high
oh lil bird
dont freeze wen ur parents
tumble you into this wholehell sky
dont get cold lil bird all dey want for u is to find ur own sky
bt shame lil bird ur mind has found its own neverland sky
oh lil bird ;if u could just fly
i know lil bird how u like the high
jst try; just try
ur siblings are shouting from the sky
u watch them lil bird with awe inspiring sigh;
and u turn your face lil bird
coz u cant face d lack of same love u find in their eyes
are u not trying lil bird???? tell me  or  have u jst glued your
eyes to the sky
fear lil bird has it turned you to
a box of ice and u keep looking for fire  to turn you from cold to nice
in the night ; hiding in the shadows  comes ur fight
keep fighting lil bird searching for dat thing  dat destroyed you
from the start
an enemy  so variant even u wont recognize  no one sees it lil bird
but u know lil bird how it is dat u hav to fight keep fighting fight fight fight fight fight fight fight..........
u laugh lil bird ...about how u thought once dat ppl were so high now u see them in the real light
dey got blood on their lips lil bird fools think that smearing lipsticks  can make it hide
but in the same light can u see urslf too lil bird
******* off of ppls love to make u high
oh sick lil bird how is ur idealism
love is your drug; yellow avian
and u want it unadulterated even more than your diet
even a slight impurity; u r spinning out of sight
stop dreaming lil bird come back from d neverland sky
maybe dey r jst ppl
and maybe dey r jst trying to survive
even with blood on their lips
and even with a foot that has
never touched a shoe for life.
so come lil bird come down from the neverland sky
they will never know  how it feels to see  the world , and want to change everything from left to right, to see someone in pain and get their own heart ripped apart
or how a song can make someone feel alive
and how when  you watch a movie and for a day become the character u like
funny lil bird  how u remind me ....
and when you want ppl to understand you without words.....
watever lil bird jst come down from d neverland skies

This is not for substance
Depth, not pragmatic at all
emotional ******* when mentally I'm Lance Armstrong, wit blue ball

But wit *****,I mean thoughts, as I Tom Cruz through life, so an apology
Id owe myself if not against my policy
Cuz "I'm sorry" like Scientology

Don't make sense so astrology
Can try to map out my stars
I just hope Lady Luck shows up Before Chris brown, and she sees stars

What can I say, I can really charm
Like lucky charms I march mellow
I like girls who still say&count; their chubby bunnys...no marsh mellows

If I lost u there ....just mellow
like yellow,pop songs whorin out hello
So of course forced ******* lately seems endorsed ...pudding pop, jello

Can't be trusted bad enough kids aren't safe anywhere ...gone
I even over react at subway when my sons asked if he wants a foot long

I already know this is foolish
But the rule is ...the real fool is
Those schooled by the useless
at least I know I'm stupid

Taking it out of context, no contest
Your honor....Honest
That was the first time I promise
I hardly ever try to hit on prom kids

Wit tight grips to poke a Bonnet
Off the bun from poccohontis
When findin the island of *****
Oops "He Broke her *******"

That blood soaks on a sausage
....Just another day at the office
Where we process the obnoxious
til the world is my Hospice

A no knowledge college for knowledge to abolish the need
To be correct politically&bree;;
seeds Thatll bleed to succeed

Sp our goal, of bringing awareness
To the shortages pendin
As extinction of bent bananas grow
Straight, it's time to help bendin

bananas, but whats bananas is
ignoring real issues latched
To Muslim hate talks,instigated
Infiltrated so u won't go snap

When they send more of our kids to war, so if u hate, like they ask
When propaganda props the jenga, NVM...wait..look! Kim kardashian ***

That needs a cardigan...plaid
"Drugs drugs drugs! which are bad"
Ask your mom who made u at prom
Or ask your alcoholic abusive dad

Who thinks Itampons a small iPad
Where Dark and red bleeds
quoted Moses"a wifes rags a bonus, So like me  "part the Red Sea"

Will need are secure like cures
the government assures us do not
Really Exist like seniors ****, that
firmly sits, and not hip drop

implying the governments got
secrets but dont ask me ****
Cause wit metaphors, I'm never sure  
Maybe the govt has saggy ****

Some dictions descriptions givin has restriction or depiction's
equivocal, so ones vision of religion
Is another's flashback circumcision  

To an unforgiven rabbis hasty snip
No one Asked "may we strip"
The turtle neck ******* on your slim
priest teasing baby ****

But written permission maybe fit
When a baby's **** and crazy ****
Is so uncivil to fiddle and whittle the little middle, above my skittles it sits

And the initial riddle is, riddle this
What Is sprinkled with ****
And Often tinkles to spit ..
Full of wrinkles, it tickles... The hint?

If she swallowed and followed the
nutrients that hallows out ....
Ud still have wrinkles but it helps to single out,who's single⁢'s about

Time2see my psychologist who yells I need help...(yells) I need help!"
She said her head, lead her to bed
And said her brains dead &melts;

And to blame for her frame of mind
Is the frame of mine, it's the kind
That very rarely has thoughts that carry any logic&scare;; me but I'm

Just daring and not caring but im
sharing the mind of jerry
Where clowns fill towns with slide whistle sounds&priests; that marry

Donald trump And Carrie
Whos news was very scary
as Carrie had to carry a Kanye west hilter hybrid and Arbitrary

Is how arbitrary and arm pit hair be
Armed with hairy Italian yarn
That they wear as bare, but armed
Is bare **** arms that like bear arms

Bears a bears hair where arms
Are usually bare but bears harmed
Is how the thick hair I wear, where it's layered, but not the ****

Hair that impairs where my palms  
Look like they grow two beards
But it's not like i would blow deers
maybe Bambi...who knows were

Not gettin hypothetical to go near
How endearing a dear is it's queer as for my hairy palms I wrote them
Ahem, Dear palms: be calm I'm here

And I'm so sorry u resemble the
Essential pieces that are detrimental
For trump hair that trump wears but
His is authentic ******* Assembled

By the youngest child laborer, paid
less than the condoms for rapin her
So embezzle on levels of unethical
Devils black *** ...and kettle...sure

Let's move on to...Ernie, hey it's Bert
I don't discriminate
Support abortion, or the portion
supportin orphans who's cure

Is particular and par with a ****
Who's testicular inhibitors
Make him a prematurely Shirley
So surely he's early in visitors

So to recap the crap hid in were
Child labour jokes great!
Abortion, psychotic neurotic topics
******* that'll fill in ya, all the hate

Oh wait wait wait...Can't forget ****
Or what I call a bill Cosby date
Afternoon delight? You'll sleep past moon and right to the drowsy awake

State... Wait.. are u a ****? Great!
I never ***** one of those
That's enough Cosby dialogue
It's dyin off, so I'm signin off vogue

Strike a pose, like a ****** my
***** bled all up my skirt in
My ****** like I was al bundy,
****** as a ted bundy surgeon

So uncomfortable like twerkin
When you see 12 yr old butts
That makes me want to be free of
tv, but it makes r Kelly want to ***

So go hug or **** a tree
He'll, **** two, have a treesome
this abuse of my speechs freedom
Must stand alone cause these dumb

Words.. This world.. needs none
cheeses of diseases...egregious,
The weedless, read this,&say; Jesus
Is he nuts? It's Needless,

deep pits, of pre-mixed, ***-*****
Three ****... Please fix
demons *****, from a **** bleedin
Fresh out yeast infected sheep *****

Where we sit&read; this,
praise Jesus Allah and people
Cause were all just quirky, evil
Good, obnoxious naive deceitful

******* with **** smells that equal
Even if not the same
We all bleed, breed and feel pain
And love a good line of *******

No wait , ****, sometimes my brain
Can't contain the stupid
Do models use the same fingers to ******* that use to puke wit?

I know.... I'm ****** useless
An abused ego bruised nuisance
Like **** pics sent to fit chicks
When they want rich pics, so do this

Take pics of a receipt that u slip
From the machine you use, if
You really wanna know, if they'll
Blow whats in the pic u send, do it

Cause she'll blow all that u fit
In the pic u send her I'm sure
And if your still reading this,
Im meanin this,u need help..a cure

Mental stability, tranquility, and
The ability, to stop the instability
Convoluted, polluted, and stupid
Literature, it can cause infertility

And psychotic, psychosomatic,
Psychosis, voodoo and neurosis
poetry roaches Eye halitosis,
To erode the road wit your soul if

You ****-inue, reading soulless
Ambivalence, so belligerent
That insolence so Insignificant
Is magnificent,

A Malignant indignant, piglet, in a
predicament, that approaches
As I ******* my immaculate *****
So swallow this osmosis

insufficient like what I've written  or Tuberculosis, and oh ****!
The oppositions mission is fixing
The risen conditions, to position

***** induced, goblin puke
Gobblin through, all of the usual
Til I'm suitable for cubicles made of pharmaceuticals ...indubitable

Now I'm awful like waffles, made in a
bra full, of a mucus' nostril
putrid puke with stomach fluids,, a used ****** u chew in brothel

It's a cross between a re-run
Of *******'delinquence&bee; dung
Don't think Im gd ppls than be one

And my wise parting words
Are not the rise of farting nerds
Or pretentious self righteousness
Of those dry and artsy jerks

Been a hermit not going out of my way at work
Been talking to girls but not consistant
Not trying to hear drama ppls sad stories and drama ruin my day
Ive been reading and writing feels like something is missing
Tired of being a victim of others frustrations
If I dont say anything others assume im mad
Sometimes iI take time for myself its overwhelming
Others tell me their struggle and i wish i could help sometimes i cant do anything
Awesome ppl consumed with emotions that are left from a previous relationship
Or not taking risks pursue the dream
It ***** to be going in another direction
Instead of being on the path youd like to be on
Its never too far it doesn't hurt to try

Learning to forgoe tired of being *******
I don't like rude ppls disrespectful remarks
Don't judge me because of what someone else saidw
Get to know a person before coming to a conclusions
I've give may chances so now I stay away
It feels when I don't want to bother there they are
Things don't make sense but I stay real true to what the heart knows
I'm older know what I want and expect from myself.
Don't bully or mock if you need something just ask
Tell your story it's not your business to talk about others
Ready for the day hope its full of benefits to reek of

Starting over is hard but needs to be done im not big on resolutions but new years is around the corner. Ive been goo this year things can and will get better.
Work keeps me going I keep rush to I can get ahead making up for lost time. Im giving my all for ppl who dont appreciate my effort. It feels like a relationship but I get paid.
Not sure how to handle things some ppls attitude and behaviors are beyond me. I could only listen and image. Everyone has their own stories and experiences only they truely understand the best thing I can do is relate or try to understand

Welp i tried to follow ppls advice and now im in a **** whole and idk how to get out my family is disappointed in me so how am i supposed to be confident in myself if no one else is confident in me?

When i scratch my skin off my flesh
Onto the parts where no one could see
It does'nt hurt anymore
I look at my scars right now,
And i feel so conflicted..
I feel hatred towards it because
I see those scars on the ppl i love
Who have no idea what is going on with me
Because when they find out or found out
It hurt them..
And it hurt me
Doesnt make any diff
Whether physically or mentally
Because im in constant suffering
And i dont want to be ever caught
Its the embodiment
Of how i cant cope and still coping
It helps me to understand my emotions
Which i cant put it into words
So i emboss tht story into my skin
Nothing feels real anymore
Its a constant battle
All these emotions
All these stereotype opinions of ppls
All these traumas
All these demons
And
LiFE...!
It is hurting
And thts why i want to self harm
To feel something other than that..
To get some relief
And truthfully
I dont want to stop.
I OnLy
Want to, Not tell anyone and do it privately.
I do them so i can see
My pain rather than feel it.
I dont want to hurt anyone or put thru this.
I cant keep anyone hurt.
I dont know what to do anymore.
Its like the bones have just vanished and theres nothing inside ..
Nothing
I know
Im Alive, when i hurt myself
I know tht im not just dead while breathing
I homestly,
Want to end it all
Life is murderer of my hopes.
I need to end this
I never wanted to put ppl thru grief
So i put myself into it
Im so ****** up and alone.
I dont feel tht i belong anywhere
Didnt have any friend left .
Im trying so hard
Im keeping a smile
So no one could tell
Im afraid of living
Because this is all tht ive known
From the day i was born
What do i have beyond this pain
Is still unknown..
Yet i show gratitude everyday to the almighty.
Pretending is all im doing.
To whoever reading this,
I know this is wrong
Bt it is what i feel.
Opinions doesnt chnge anything.
To whoever suffering like this like me
Because i cant be the only one suffering
And if youre reading this,
And can resonate or relate to anything
This is a message from me
Keep yourself safe,
Im here.