"possibily" poems
My whole life Iitried to live in the body I was given
The body I am in
Growing up I never “saw the signs”
I never knew that there was anything else I could possibily be
I never knew that I was going to change
Or that there was anything else
Something. Someone better that I could be
Someone who is more comfortable in their skin
I had no idea that the reflection I saw staring back at me everyday in the mirror was not me at all
Ive noticed that ive felt different from how I was taught to feel
Ive found out a lot of things in my life so far
But I never thought I would find myself being envius of boy
Not because I disliked them but because I wanted to be like them
I found myself not wanting boys
But wanting to dress like them
Not wanting boys
But wanting to walk like them
Not wanting boys
But wanting to have my hair short like theirs
To have a “boys” hair cut
I found myself not wanting a boyfriend
But wanting to be someones boyfriend
I found myself realizing that so many girls have that muscular physique
I thought it was normal because other girls looked like that
So maybe I can too?
I tried to fit myself in the categories I saw others in
Girls. Boys like girls. Girls like girls too
I like girls. Im a girl that likes girls
But I do not want to be a muscular girl
I shouldn’t be in this body
So why am I?
Why does my mom strictly tell me not to pick flannels when were in the store
Have conversations with my stepdad saying
She wants to be….
But how can she…
If shes not even..
How can she?
She doesn’t like showing skin she tells him
Im too angry to listen to rest
But then he says
Im not saying its right but its her
HE SAID IM NOT SAYING ITS RIGHT
HE SAID IM NOT SAYING ITS RIGHT
WHAT IS RIGHT!?
I was certainly a fool
He never did accept me huh?
That. Is .Right.
But in my eyes im struggling with confusion
The illusion of my body and what I have now
Is the not the reflection of the real. Me
I found myself listening to other peoples stories and comparing myself to them
I should feel the same way because you have to feel the same as everyone else to be trans
But I didn’t. So I brushed the feelings away
Let them fade.
Blind to similarities
Frustrated because I had no idea who, or what I was
I looked at so many peoples stories
And the one thing I didn’t take from them all until the end was
They were all different
NEVER WERE THEY IDENTICAL
SIMILAR
NOT IDENTICAL
SIMILAR
NOT IDENTICAL
WHO
Am
I
Who am I if I am not the same
I am different
I am not supposed to have the same realizations as everyone else
The entire time I was looking around for answers from other people
Truly I knew exactly where the answer was
But. The feeling of trepidation was all my mind knew for the first few weeks of searching
I found myself thinking some more
This house is only bringing me down
Can I just get out of here?
I found myself wondering why she loved to prevent me from doing things I loved
The same ones that praise you
Are the same ones that hate you
I am me. Alittle bit different than most.
But im me
I found myself, while writing this poem
May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 7:41 PM UTC
cher-chez la femme
if you need interpretation.
to what it means?
it states:
look for the woman.
Why?
Because the one you chose will bring out the best or worse in you.
Some goes for the glamour.
That type that requires more than you possibily can imagine.
Some goes for the homely.
That type that don' ask for much.
Some goes for the other.
That type that rather be a lover than a wife.
Constantly used and abused.
So take my good advice.
Look for the woman.
Who can only enhance your life?
Regrets you will never have.
When you see the way she totally and deeply cares.
Say it in french.
cher-chez la femme.
Sep 3, 2012
Sep 3, 2012 at 11:55 AM UTC
When it was a matter of need
nobody noticed me
eyes did not see
a childhood of misery.
Now adult, I seek to be free
possibily engage in immoral activity
afterall debauchery created me
now I'm sure they're all watching
when I don't want them to be.
Sep 4, 2014
Sep 4, 2014 at 1:12 PM UTC
_
coldest,yet
An ongoing black screen, then you came
colored coldd emminence at al times
around me, the birds,forrow
Here burning, Orange yello/blue brigand
In a lot, and
the cloud, the grasslands
to let me in, dollor man
a board, a bloom
Buddha, a simpleton
, slanted/ forever possibily
glistering/the ice cones,
gingivitis
Dec 1, 2016
Dec 1, 2016 at 12:24 AM UTC
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(
(
(
\/
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/ \
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and after years of supporting each other's
Emotional insecurities
And immaturities
We realize that we have
Actually weakened each other
And possibily even
Killed each other
•
I wonder what we will say then
Mar 5, 2015
Mar 5, 2015 at 1:54 PM UTC