Going through so much ****** up **** and having it all dealing with important ( **** that matters so deeply to you ) things In your life just ***** a person up. And with a negative soul taking over every thought of happy ones, is just all bad for a person. Especially for a person like me. Demons are real, very real. They torture you in ways that's so dark, scary and ******* weird, they have nothing but deadly motives. All that scary **** is real, but so is happy, and loving things, the "dark" world in a persons mind are very interesting and so curious to knows about. But the happy, live, positve world is the world for me. You feel so alive, you feel yourself, you feel like just changing the world, learning new things, you feel like a walking soul in s human beautfil body. Love yourself and don't get to curious with the curious dark side of yourself. Cause its not a place for anyone

To prayers,
To calls, where the path has long been sealed away by fate.
An angels legend, the rumours spread across a deserted hell,
Is it a demon who fell into this world by some kind of well ?
The mirroring magic, a banishing sword, responding to their possessors in hope to set raging potential free, in hope to be of use,
But is it the end of the road when a demon awaits your calling ?
Only your heart is responsible for letting the whispering deceive you,
The positve and negative, those two who manipulate the ways of our thinking, are always around you, lingering, waiting, striving, for a chance to overthrow the other to have an impact on your vision,
How will you respond to either outcome without being tricked ?
It is from now until the moment you die, it is from now until the end of time, your senses are responsive upon your every second of life,
Every single one of us lives depending on and bound by our knowledge and awareness, this is our own little reality
But always remember, both knowledge and awareness are equivocal,
So what makes you so sure that this reality of yours is not an illusion?

~ Umi

I saw that necklace around his neck
There are so many reasons to why it would be there
But none of them positve

It goes along with the rose he made for you
out of paper, by the way I can make one better,
So, Are you and me fighing over him
What is going on?

I don't feel like we are
But are we about to
I honestly don't know the answer
This is the first time I expressed my liking for one guy and there is another who could pontetial be a threat
Should I work harder?
Should I?
I don't know

Im confused.
I can not allow myself to be happy,
To feel loved.
And when it is expressed to me,
I brush it off my shoulder.
As though it ment nothing.
And that's the problem.
It does mean something,
But im not sure what.
Maybe smiles,
Laughter,
Squinted eyes,
And rosy cheeks.
Those memories
And good feelings I give you,
You are now trying to express back to me.
But maybe you have different memories.
You do see the laughter and smiles,
But maybe a pretty girl,
With bright eyes
Appeared first.
A warm, cozy feeling wraps you,
As it did for me.
Or maybe you think nothing.
And these over analyzing of thoughts,
Leads me down a dark road.
A lonely memory,
An old way of life
Flashes back.
Dispare,
Awkwardness,
Shyness,
Agravation,
Self- loathing feelings
Raindown apon me.
So I can't think of the positve you see in me.
Even when you tell me to love you,
And show me with open arms
That it's okay,
I just can't.
I'm broken.
Maybe you can't see,
But I cannot accept-
The love that i so desperately want,
The friendship that I need to establish,
Affection,
Attention,
That I crave with every fiber of my being.
But I can't show it.
So I've built an invisible bulletproof wall.
You, my friend may not see it,
But I can tell you sense it's presence.
And that fact alone,
Kills me.
I so desparatley want to tear it down,
Too feel your warm presence,
But it's for your own good,
        my own good.
Because if I show my friendship,
And express my love,
And give you everything I've been holding back
For so long,
...
It's simply too much.
Im too much for you to bare.
       For anyone to bare.
So I'd rather go completely numb to the world,
Than loose sight of you.
And that is already in progress.
I know I'm just another,
But I'm different.
And thar's why I'm confused.
I train myself to think like everyone else,
But I have a different perspective.
So I keep my distance,
Which slowly breaks our bond,
Along with my weary heart.
But it 's for the best.
I'd rather be eased off into loneliness,
than having the whole world one day,
And loosing it the next.
Because that has happened.
And I can not go on if history repeat itself.
So here I sit.
In the corner,
Watching everyone dance to the music.
And then I think,
Maybe your confused too.

old spelling, the old book,

pure poetry.



double negatives are very positve

they say, so why change it.



why look to the land to find

boredom, when everything

is so interesting, if you let it.



why criticise all the while, while all the while

your battery runs down.



i think of my mother. she was not  at all well.



sbm.

if only you would open your eyes,
if only you realized that my love for you is real.
if only you knew how much you mean!
if only i could get love the way i give it.
if only i could be positve and tell everyone this!
If only you would knew my past and how i use it
if only you knew how much i think about you
see but you dont do you?
your just like the rest why get my hopes up?

Not as personal as you think that you feel a tug of war
you are one with the cosmos
and that's the score
Push and pull, take and give, a spirit and body which we live
Negative and positve, love and hate
it's not yours alone as the planets we too replicate
the forces are you, the forces are me
It's not the new depression if you can see
the fight is not yours the emptiness isn't real
we don't become it, we see it and let ourselves feel
the totality we are one with, without trying to name
the forces are us, there's no one to blame
Love of you, love of me, and love of each other that's the power
Without seeing the forces one may feel dour

Meeting eyes
Fleeting hearts
Mouths grinning
Heart swelling

First date
Take me home
First Kiss
Closed doors

Cuddling and
Hand holding
Soft kisses
In the
Moonlight Still

Kisses and laughter
Throwing food
At eachother

Nervous laughter
Dinner at
Le Beaute
On Knee
Ring out
I do!

Wedding plans
Dresses and veils
Tuxes and Flowers
Crying and
Arguing

Making up
Walking down
Bright smile
Giving away

I do
I do
Sharing rings
Husband
Wife

First dance
Cake Smashing
Pictures dancing

Off to
France

Photos and memories
Mking love
Back home

Month later
Positve line
Screaming for joy

Nursery setup
White crib
Blue walls
Diapers
And love

She wakes
And screams
It’s time!

They rush

They go in
Push and
Push and
Breath and
Push and
Push and
Breath

All done
No crying
My baby
Where is
He
Give me
My baby

Hes gone

Sad eyes
Teary cries
Baby gone
Husband trying
Wife dying

Baby gone
No cries

Funny how the lamps looked like stars
Fallen from the sky because God got angry at them
It was New Year when I started my bad habit
How ironic!
My cigar lit up like a Christmas light
Merry ******* Christmas!
My soul asked me what do I like about it
Well the flame looked alive than I am
Why would he asked that to an already drunken man
Ruby wine got me good, I'm gonna curse at you tomorrow morning
**** I was doing freestyle which was different from my usual.
**** it. I would say a little prayer now that goes like this:
Cigar, cigar,
Why do you taste like sugar
Apple, orange and mango
Are what I should consume while I do tango
I did say that my cigar's flame
Looked like a shape of home-oh that's lame
But really I thought I saw some family that lives in there
As I looked intently,
I felt a hand gently
Double tapped my shoulder
Did I think I was going madder
Than I was before I took a hit
Oh I might be going down a pit
My soul revisited me
As if I was harmed entirely by my ruby
Anyway he wanted me to end
This in a positve note
Don't do drugs or God Almighty shall send
You to somewhere sad and remote.