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Brother Jimmy Jan 2015
At times I’ve believed it

And at other times, scoffed,

One of the oldest of pivotal fears,

Mentioned in scripture and stories and hymns,

The execration is stinging my ears.

And throbbing, echoing, clashing rhythms,

With no beat ...such tension… Distortion’s risings,


A march over mazurka decelerating,

Curious uses for curious things,

Intestinal-pullings, intestinal strings,


Every warping conceived by my kind,

Like tearing of flesh and torture of mind,

Nothing that’s wholesome, nothing that’s good,

The truth bent, the opening crude,

The too-thin passageway out, understood

And my own rotting flesh is my food.
Jesse stillwater Apr 2018
i used to climb the tallest tree
just to leave behind the ground
sing as loud as i could breathe
about the shapes of passing clouds

mum would haller up to the heavens:
             "STOP IT !"
... "they’ll think you’re Mad!"

... whoever  "they"   were  (?)!
    i naively pondered thence  ―

    now,     the tree is gone,
       "they" chopped  it  
         all the way down
to memories and decomposing roots

    but i still see life unspool
    in the silent shapes of clouds

                    and
  hear the birds sing sweetly
     without a single word


☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☼  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁
                   jesse
26th  April  2018

Notes:
  the memories reach much deeper than the roots
Kathleen Oct 2018
Perhaps the sky was never blue
Gray skies made an unnatural dusty pink
By rose tinted glasses

Each bolt of lightning
So naively mistaken
As brilliant rays of sunlight

And sure at times, flowers bloomed
But at its depths, the frigid cold of winter remains
Darling, your beauty is merely skin deep

I should've listened when they said
That if I gazed into the sun long enough
I'd go blind

And now I'm stumbling around
Arms outreached
Like the bare limbs of winter trees
Wondering why I let these roots grow so deep
god, im so conflicted right now. enjoy this mess of a poem from algebra.
Jesse stillwater May 2018
.

He liked to gather up the silence in the springtime
  Pack it up and carry it in an old timeworn leather rucksack
From a distance it looked like he was a senseless fool
  Picking up handfuls of nothing then putting it in an empty jar


No mind is paid to the fleeting glance in the corner of a stranger's eyes
  They were out of reach from the box he was living in
He kept gathering up the endless silence like missing pieces of a lost soul
   It seemed to be everywhere ―  and in it heard,  the only voice he knew


Supposing all his thoughts pondered come forth of silence
  Often resting sheltered beneath branches where it grew on the trees ―
It wasn't just the songbird that broke the stillness in dappled sunlight
  It was the dearth of love that rivers through a strong heartbeat’s
silenced words ...


Jesse Stillwater

04   May   2018
Thank you for reading and considering "gathering silence"
Andrew Sep 2017
We use video games
To make video gains
Until the screen goes black
And reality attacks
We lose all our progress
In the deletion process
As we level up we devolve
Around the TV we revolve
The more experience we gain
The more moments we lose
Our memories forever stained
When this is what we choose
Our life inside a hard drive
Our life becomes a hard lie
We revel in being unwise
Rage quitting life
We enjoy strife
And avoid pesky light
When we live in the dark
With consumerist plights
We are all marks

Video games balance in a zone
Between game and art
The frustration starts
When art is confused for games
And games mistook for art
People take things to heart
And spitefully spew viper venom
If this is where games send them
Then why do we play?
We have no other way
To feel accomplishment
In a society that worships competition
Video games become the second edition
Of a life filled with loss
On our pixelated cross
We are murdered millions of times
Reminiscent of the millions of lies
That make us losers in the real world
Video games become our shiny pearl

The computer displays defeat
When our lives aren't complete
Because we need someone to beat
Not realizing our lives are conquered
By frivolous topics we've pondered
Our meaningless life squandered
And hope comes in the form of new releases
While inside our faulty headset is in pieces
Johan Nel Jan 16
In the lush green fields meeting the eye of a roaming man, feel I the heart of the beast and the song of the gentle trees.
Dream I with the blue sky in the splendour of life.
But then, I am torn from the enchantment like flesh from the screaming and terrified gazelle.
Disillusionment found I in the fires of the savanna, when the mother of North and South seeks the blood of the cub and cooks the unhatched egg.
Preying on the apex predator and the weak all at once.
Again in the storms and molten eruptions.
Again in famine and drought which kills the lone adolescent lion.
Hung on the scales of equilibrium, life and death play to win in a game neither fair or unjust.
And though I give it the name of black and white, it is all lost in the grey churning reality of being.
©Johan Nel 21:57 2019.01.16
On a painter's easel
is a double portrait
just a sketch at present

The artist feels he hasn't
got the sense yet of his sitters
or of their relationship

What was the grievance
causing such a ferment?
Was there a fracture
behind the smooth facade?

The painter pondered

and went on with his painting
Amyrah Apr 2
She opened the door and looked down an isle
There stood a little something
"Who are you?" she asked
The thing was small the size of her fist but seemed to smile, she wondered why.
"I m your heart" it replied.
"What are you doing outside me?" She pondered.
Now it laughed and said,
"I m looking for home, some peace and sleep."
Robert G Page Dec 2015
A Christmas Thought (short story)
by
rgpage

This time of the year,  when once giving from the heart has since melted like the snow in Spring to the meaningless demand for expensive toys and gadgets;  and Santa has waned to no more than the all-giving sugar daddy to each and every child,  and a tireless crutch to the mindless parent during the year; “Santa’s watching so you’d better be good.”

And alas,  there I stood in this huge department store amid a vast forest of toys, colors, and noises, fallen prey to this modern day hypocrisy known as Christmas.  Being of a lower middle economical standard,  and having with such stealth blindness juggled expenses and bills to afford myself the opportunity to plunge even deeper into dept.  I pondered these playful wonders of modern day technology.  All about countless numbers of people were doing as I in efforts to reward their children for their year of good service.

This was when I saw her. As fast as this seasonal frenzy had overtaken me just days earlier,  it vanished for a time as I watched her. It must have been that she seemed so out of place in this hurry-scurry festive scene of Christmas shopping that she caught my eye.  She was very old and her tattered,  worn out clothing all too obviously reflected the fact that she couldn’t afford much.  While others struggled about her almost comically laden with brightly colored  packages, this old woman had nothing more than an old purse dangling from her arm.  Slowly she moved, seemingly pained with the infirmities which accompany old age.  She appeared overweight for her stature which I’m sure added to her discomfort.  When she stopped in front of the doll section  her old, pudgy face glowed with joy.  Undoubtedly a doll for a little granddaughter,  I was  sure no more as she couldn’t possibly afford more.  I watched as she studied each doll
and its price tag,  going from one to the next.  Finally she stopped to give particular attention to one little doll adorned with colorful ribbons and big bright blue eyes.  Then putting the doll back,  she opened her purse and I watched as she counted the small amount of money that she had.  

By this time I had become so unexplainably absorbed with watching the old woman,  who with a smile closed her purse, retrieved the doll and walked slowly and painfully to the checkout counter to wait in line.  Around her the noise of parents and children alike waiting their turn to check out didn’t seem to bother her as she patiently waited, holding the precious little doll for an equally precious granddaughter.  Finally when her turn came, an all to cruel yet human trait appeared in not only the people waiting behind her but the checkout clerk as well. Their impatience to maintain a steady flow of human traffic through the turnstiles came to the forefront almost obliterating this seasonal spirit.  This didn’t seem to deter the old woman from slowly and surely counting out the correct change,  leaving her very little to return to her purse.

With this done and the doll tucked away in a shopping sack,  she proceeded through the large glass doors and out into the cold December night.  A passing thought, “one special gift for one special person,” went through my mind as I continued my own, now more selective tour of annual duty.  Looking over my shoulder for one last glimpse of the old woman, I suddenly felt as if struck by a jolt of electricity as I saw her on her back in the slushy snow, struggling like an over-turned turtle.

Bolting out the door hoping to be the first to reach her,  I almost found myself lying next to her on the slick sidewalk.  Nothing was said as I struggled to lift her up.  Once this was accomplished I asked her if she was alright.  Instead of answering  she started looking around for her package.  I spotted the torn, soaked paper sack some ten feet away in a slushy puddle and went to retrieve it.  The doll had come half way out of the sack and her little blonde curls were now filled with water and slush; and as I handed it back I searched the old woman’s face for even a trace of sadness, there was none. Instead she looked at me smiled and said, “thank you young man, it’ll dry out, it’ll be alright, Merry Christmas.”  Then holding the doll in both hands, she turned and went on her way, much slower and much more cautiously.  I just stood there and watched her until she finally disappeared in the crowd and darkness and thought to myself, “maybe Santa Claus isn’t a man after all.”
bs Aug 2016
I died for you one time
But never again
You had saved me from
My life of sin
You had pulled me from the ground
Just to push me back down
I check my windows
Seemingly, it's safe and sound

But my night horrors check up on me from time to time
Speaking words that always seem to rhyme
Sharing creations from a poet that had a knack for gore
I wanted to stop but all I could think about meant more
I pondered how my suffering wasn't as bad
Then when we danced in the rain
And cycled past the sinking horizon

So I let the towers fall
And the chandeliers drop
I've lost my skills in building
Because, I have lost my muse.

I sit in sheets and start to fumble
I don't know what I am searching for.
But maybe,
Just maybe,
My head is awake at night
Remembering the space between you and I.
ryn Aug 2014
There are many different masks that adorn my wall
Always at the ready for such time they would be needed
Each one of them summoned to answer a specific call
Each one of them used so that the truth can't be uncovered

With time and wear these masks grow all the more necessary
They protect me from situations that render me vulnerable
Kept contained all the emotions that I wish to bury
Kept in check all of my thoughts so I stay capable

I've had these masks for as long as I can remember
Afraid if they have begun to redefine the true me
They assume their roles seamlessly as if it's second nature
Their roles they would assume without fail, ever so diligently

But as much as they would protect from my own naivety
They also would protect others from the words that I wield
These poison-laden words fueled by my poor misguided sanity
Could easily stab and wound if not for the masks that shield

Often wondered these masks if I've ever taken them off
And function as is without hiding behind bolted doors
Would I be able to walk the line without temptation to scoff
Will I be compassionate yet honest; without causing new-found sores

Such a tough questions to which the answers I know not
Despite having pondered till my head grew sore and weary
Something I should have done before delving in deep thought
Is to now remove the mask that my face does carry
Nico Julleza Jun 2017
∙∙∙◦◦•◎•◦◦∙∙∙
Loneliness is the name we gain
Abandoned in attics of despaired shame
We might not know who our maker is
Nor even how we're birthed without a single kiss

Sailing shore to shore of no causing way
We fly, we glide, we slip away

Each day is our rite without rights
Pondered those colors from black to white
And out our interluding charades
Oh, how we are judge by senseless mocking jays

Enraptured by our capacities we can engage
Still we leered showing a zealous face

From dust, A man was oddly fabricated
A tapestry of wonders to show its vivacity
He's so different from our Avant name
And has a thought that could seize a luring day

But if he never saw how wide the narrow he'd take
From dust a man shall die ever the same
#Dust #Man #Fly #Glide #SlipAway

(NCJ)POETRYProductions. ©2017
ryn Aug 2014
Many a time I've thought long and hard
Long have I picked at this stabbing splintered shard
Is He here or is He just an idea that's been long embedded
If He's here, then why do my eyes they both seem covered

Many a time I've questioned why I don't want to see
Because I really feel like it's only happening to me
I've pondered and tried to view for many different lenses
I've wondered aplenty why I haven't come to my senses

Many a time I've reassured myself with the following
That He does not give when you know you're not deserving
Challenges for you He does not wilfully make
Only those which He knows you definitely can take

Many a time that I've asked if I really do believe
When my discontentment triumphs and over it I grieve
I know that if in my heart I want Him found
It's time that I finally pulled my head out of the ground
Vitruvius Jan 20
Take me back to the pond of stagnant time,
back to the musky corners of the night,
back to the moon and its shimmering light,
back to the scourges of your grace sublime.

Back to the moment when the gap was bridged,
back when your silence consented my hand,
back when we laid on the ivory sand,
back when you pondered the depth of the ridge.

I did not know then (I could not have known),
your beacons were lit, the wind had not blown,
that Beauty had struck-- How dear the cost.

I look at myself, the scorched earth of Troy
And I cannot find a measure of joy
that once it was mine, and ever is lost.
To HMK
Umi Dec 2017
"This heat and this blaze harm and burn me, please turn me away"
She said crying out into the endless hell, her stay

And she continued crying out,
Loud even whilst she was about, to burn to dust
Her boiling blood, gave the surroundings a smell likewise rust
Until the Lord finally answered her call
>"If you are granted this wish, will you ask for anything else at all?"<

In her pain, in her agony she could only respond
"No, I swear by your greatness, I will not go beyond (this wish) "
Her wish was fulfilled, she was out of hell,
But, this made her ask for more, would it suit her well ?

" I beg you oh Lord, bring me forward, just to the gate of paradise,
I have no other wish, I promise...please..it would be nice"
So her Lord would say: >"Didn't you promise not to ask for anything more ?
Woe to you, who swore (by my name)!
Oh you who was created from the soil...how treacious you are"

She kept begging and pondered so far
" I swear by your greatness I will not ask anymore,
Am I for you, but a useless ***** ? "
And she will continue to promise and pledge,
Until she was finally brought to the edge
The gate to paradise

When she looks inside, she would see its vigor charm and pleasure
But remembering her promise she would remain silent, in front of this treasure
Then, eventually, unable to bear this...she would scream
" Oh Lord, let me enter paradise, it is my greatest dream "
And again her Lord would add:
>" Did you not make all these oaths and pledges not to ask for anything else ? Is it not enough that I brought you out of hell ? You are still sad !
Oh, woe you, how treacious you are "

Tugged in her misery she couldn't help but feel down
Though she didn't bother to shed more tears, just frown
" Please don't make me the most miserable of your creation,
Please forgive me and make heaven my home, my final station"

And she would continue to ponder until her Lord would laugh
As he did, she was able to enter heaven, its most divine half
When she was in, it was said >" Make a wish, it will come true"<
Happiness overcame her, growing faster than bamboo!
She kept on wishing, until there was nothing left to ask for

And thus, the former human, lived in bliss
From now on and forever, never bored by this


~ Umi
The end of my Falling devil series, I hope you could enjoy it !
B L Mar 2013
My hands still ache –
I’m convinced it’s my atoms splitting
No one asked me how I got addicted –
They said the focus was on quitting

But I’m here in the present
So I must have a had a past
It’s too bad “Where’d you come from”
Is a question never asked.

I went through hell to get here
So it should matter where I’m from
I tell them “it should matter what I’ve seen…
It should matter what I’ve done.”
He then responded like a father and began his sentence, “Son…
It’s the shock, not the trauma, that makes the body the numb.”
He said, “The thing you search is silence.”
“And yet you let your monsters drum.”

You start to figure things out. You know --
When you’re locked up all that time.
But you learn not from what you’re taught,
Instead, you learn from what you find.
And I found mine in the written word,
I found it in a rhyme.


Numbers always helped me think, so I looked for something to count
And as I pondered that man’s words, the room’s only light went out.
So I counted the only thing that I could feel aside from air,
And his seven words made sense, as I counted the one thing
That in the dark was always there.
I’m my own favorite number, so I began counting,
“One…”
But this time I didn’t count to two.
And the monsters didn’t drum.

For the first time in my life, I didn’t rely on someone else
For the first time, in the dark, I counted on myself.
I then knew why “Where’d you come from” was never asked --
Both they and I lived in the present; we couldn’t act upon the past.
It doesn’t matter where you came from, or even why you’re here.
For your past dictates your penance, but the present is your frontier.
Delia Darling Jul 2018
On the day that I lost my name
I took a nice long walk
To the edge of infinity,
Searching for it

You know, they say the earth is round
And as I leaned to peer over the side of it
There, lay a vast blanket of outer space
No continuous ground— like they said
No path to move on from
Dead-end roads  and deadened feet
Had led me to this edge, where
I cut myself on contemplative thorns

“At what point did he stop loving me?”
“My friends are gone”
“Rehab couldn’t fix me”
“I don’t want to wake up tomorrow”

No, the world isn’t round
My thoughts are round
And so are my vices
Always spinning and falling
Into a perpetual mental cycle

So when I looked beyond the cliffs of my flat Earth
Into the depths of nothingness
I pondered what it would feel like

To
      tippy
                 toe
                         my way over

                  To lose myself forever

If I never wake up tomorrow
Would they remember my name?
Luke Kerzich May 2017
She ran.

I slipped and slept on the dust I used to tread.
It's not like I was dead but my heart just seemed to lie inside my head.
My conscience opposed the opposition to live,
Timid and stiff like fossils in the mud.
Dust just seemed to cover the other memories and theses in my mind
As I lied and pondered why not to die when the one thing keeping
Me here felt peer pressure and rushed off without trying to
Remember what love was.
Doves can get struck by an arrow and reincarnate as a crow,
So just know maybe the next life I'll be better
And you'll lie in the lows of life.

You ran.
Ken Pepiton Oct 2018
cliche. click
I'm lost without you

you glanced my way and said,
"how do you know?"

I don't.
I won't.
I can't.

You glance away and say,
"maybe so."

Life's the test.
----
stand alone or be rejected
objected
the subject of the action word
conjecturing the meaning

Hector's pride brought the mass.
Was that made sacred? Yechhh.

Higgs's made real,  massive change
end of the world
as we knew it, 2012, mass means more than x-mas

The message in the messenger from Greece's God,
"Hold fast, hold on, Hector, be
hold-- what a drag"

Achilles, shoulda had anger management.

Suppose, Achilles's momma had trusted
whatever the protection was to be,
divine, that kind o' dad,
it warn't gonna let 'im drown.

She coulda just tossed 'im in,
sink or swim, knowing, in her inner parts,
the protector's promise,
memorized, since the red tent.

Pandora's last hope trumps fire,
and flood,

Wee Achilles woulda squirmed, and swam,
invincible, every inch soaked,

it could been, but, you know,
Achilles's momma could not let go.

And the rest is mythtery.

---
the sign said follow the money,

but money is invisible, so I played like
I could see what other folk
saw.

Lot o'them took time to tell me,
"Only believe", or "trust, and obey".
Streets of gold,
we'll slide back
down on silk stockings
hung on spider thread

above the flames

that boil the kettle in the center of
the whole round world,

nobody in our family ever once
believed the world is flat,

nor that Jesus once was blue and had four arms,

stop me.
I was wrong, I, myself, can imagine
Jesus dressed as Rama,
who was blue and had four busy arms, in truth.

hallowed ev'ening of the light,
settling sun, lead in the night, when all
see monsters, every where,

no one will notice me. Watch and see.

OH OH, ****** me by my pigtail, lift me to the third
floor, two stories past tellestial,
kingdom come,
which the mormon at my door testified
the angelic ***** had told Brigham 'n'em,

in the spirit, he agreed, not face to face.

tellestial is as close to hell as a Mormon man can go,
and,
he said, "If you could see it, you'd die to go.
It's so much better than this."

Joe Smith, said that, according to his agent.

I pondered,
chewed a cud, as I could recall, holy cows do.

I leaned back, put one boot to rest,
on the bricks behind my knee,

A modified Crane pose, I suppose.
I folded my arms and stared that boy
right in the eye.

I said, "Wanna try?"
"We gotta bridge up the road a piece,
sure as haell,
we'll see if it's a lie, at least."

Then I repented.
That hell imagined by Joe and all them zionic-messengers,
they was guesses, at the best. But the feelers at my door,
they was bein' tempted
to put their own faith to the test.

I grow bolder. The experiment worked.
I know.
Same ol' story...

-She said it tasted,
okeh,
first time that word was ever heard or tasted.

Cool,
****, cold, evil, winter, summer, sweat, mosquitos, evil cold,
I'm sorry!

How do you know?
What's blame?
Oh, that, and shame, I know that,

epi genetically be guile-ish. gullibility
gone in one bite.

Taste and see, he saw her say, or thought
he did

Like a switch, with more capacitance,
than the cells of knowing can resist,
in the first few months of being matter in time.

Knock a fella in the head
with knowing all the hows of evil,
along with all the why of not,

the most beautiful woman in the world,
no contest,
naked, and he knows.

Thinkin' straight ain't in the plan.
Precedent set forever,
no plan survives first sight of a naked woman after learning what naked means,

according to the tutor in blame,
who sat glumly on Adam's shoulder
explaining as the jist
of the story unrolls, "naked is evil,
you are naked", no word, just
thinkin'

good luck if yer helpin' him stand,
Wham

spoken words heard and
obey essence initial instantiation
revere
lionize,

oops, Idols. The idea of idols. Don't imagine anything like that.

Gabriel came with that very message all over his face.

Knowin' evil and doin' it, not the same.
Learn to drive and do the math,

Then we talk about artifice beyond the ken of mortal minds,
not worry,
it is written, We have the mind of Christ,

but as an augmentation really,
we can fact check,
but, honest,
a heretic has to use any augmentations right,
or the being powers will

objectify his reason for being, and reject him, for

the sin of defining the happiness he ensues.

You with me?
----
This was to be my comment,
but it called out for search engine priority of purpose

Nothin', I was thinkin' --
we never get trick or treaters,
tho' an occasional Mormon team will try to climb my hill,
then I un cussed my thoughts
with my inner self and we agreed.
He who would catch fish,
must venture his bait.
Net criticism's needed, if anything is to get better than this.
Wise ones say, it ain't easy,
but true rest,
I can testify, it's found along the way.

Hallowed be your even-ing, level up,

trick or treat?
not on that old man's hill,
somethin' weird, too peaceful there.
Nothin', I was thinkin' -- we never get trick or treaters, tho' an occasional Mormon team will try to climb my hill,then I un cussed my thoughts with my inner self and we agreed. He who would catch fish, must venture his bait. Net criticism needed, if anything is to get better than this.
RK Jan 2018
There is a garden I once knew a place full of delight.

This garden grew many fruits, there was no day or night

In this place called Eden , Adam lived with Eve
  
Who was  tempted by a serpent with a motive to deceive

From this very moment they fell fast asleep
  
Creating pain and suffering in the valley of the deep



As the days and years passed by my soul felt the distain 

My heart  lost its innocence this loss of truth profane

I pondered on the knowledge, the garden and the trees

The fairy tales of castles, of kings and  golden keys

The error and the eating of the forbidden fruit 

That caused the separation creating ignorance of the truth.



To set out on this voyage requires a royal decree

Should I  journey under and cross through the Red Sea
?
This Promised Land I once knew is it in the sky?

Is there a golden ladder that stretches up this high?

This garden full of magic, this home port of bliss

Perhaps there's a rainbow bridge above the dark and cold abyss




Somehow I envisaged this ****** holy land

I remembered the promise, the Kingdom’s close at hand

This land of  milk and honey, the elixir in the truth
If I set out at sunrise and follow the Suns route

If I ascend the ladder chanting a gracious hymn

Surly the shinning light will fill me to the brim.



To go back to the source became my one desire

A willing self surrender left nothing to acquire

I pondered on the serpent the misuse of the power

To truly know who, I AM, would make the serpent cower

I dug down deep and filled the gap under the golden flower

I crossed the bridge, the mystery is, there only is, One Power.

Peace
I used the symbolism of Eden to express what I'm trying to convey . I'm not condemning the feminine principle or masuline,  both are equal , though different ;and compliment each other.
Also,;consciousness equals light, and -.unconsciousness/  night /darkness / ignorance etc

Old write made new!
Peace
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