It's all about being AFRAID
Afraid, afraid to close your eyes because you don't want to dream.
Dreams are not reality, in fact they are everything you wished you had, teasing you till you become Insane. You cry for the day someone will understand you pain, the pain that's never the same, you've become afraid to fall asleep, to fall asleep and never wake up, but that's what you want isn't it? To end the pain you've been suffering.
you don't have the guts, you can't sit there and take your life, you fall and fall, constantly picking yourself up, but never forgetting to leaving bits behind, your body becomes soulless, it becomes dark, you once were something, now nothing, Dreaming of the day you won't have this pain, going insane, you watch others , they're not hiding, why are you?
Why are you so afraid to let others see you fall, to know that you once have given your all but have received nothing at all for the things so small , see a dream can Become you're worst enemy, haunting you with the things you desperately need.
You internally bleed, but on the outside you plead, you plead for it to all go away, you know it doesn't happen just like that and that it's within time, but what if there's not enough time.
They say that some things can make you stronger , but you've given up on being strong , as I sit here, I realize that there isn't one strong bone left in my body, I carry my self to only let myself down , I put faith in others for them to only let me down, it's a never ending cycle , and it seems to have become all I've known, we all need and want someone to care, but that's not what I want nor do I need it, I've mentally and most times physically been on my own.
I'm not upset anymore because I don't have anyone there or anyone who loves me , I'm upset at the fact that I allowed myself to fall into such state of darkness , the darkness that tell you that's it's okay to let this be the end, you have the devil on one shoulder and god on the other , but the devil is playing tricks on you , tricks of the mind...
So I sit here and ask myself what it is that I truly want , and who I want to do it with,
No one and nothing , you hear all these inspirational speakers who can talk about their journey, their struggles and how they overcame them.. What if you don't know where it all began , it could of just popped up out of no where, but that's not how it is, there is always a beginning, and an end, for now I will hold onto the beginning, and hope for the end.