We as humans are terrified of dying,
We create an imaginary world where we defy death, where we don't die,
Yes our bodies may not exist anymore but we still live, because we as humans will never believe that we can die. We create "religions" we have a "hope" that we can live forever. But why? Why can't we just accept that we will be buried in a 6ft hole in the ground and nothing else will happen? Because it's a human survival instinct, our brains tell us "what ever the cost you must not die" so when we do really die we believe that we are still alive. Other people also  think that we are in "heaven". This I find fascinating in a phycological and theological aspect due to the fact that not only are you able to perceive the religious aspects behind death, but the phycological toll that a person grieving experiences.
When you ask a person of a religious belief what death is to them, 9/10 of the people asked, responded with words very similar to each other. These descriptions describe a sort of afterlife "the denial of death" these questions were asked to many people with different cultural and religious beliefs. But to define death is like defining religion itself.

how am I expected to love one,
without even considering the other,
pretend you’re not important, a no-one,
you’re my father and she is my mother.

I know that what you did wasn’t right
you had a wife, two daughters,
yet you did it despite.
a phycological game, I hope never a fight.
why did you run away
at the stoke of midnight?

you did the unthinkable
now to save your conscience,
your memories are all fictional,
your actions towards my mother
are far from forgivable.
you tore through her confidence
forever feeling she is invisible.
alone with two young daughters
those years for her were miserable,
yet you still believe you were a father
your parenting was mythical.

not to say that your life has been kind
you fought in a war,
lost a friend in the blink of an eye.
PTSD forever haunting your soul,
you knock back a box of wine,
few beers before your midday stroll,
self medicating your entire life
to stave off those memories
and what you did to your wife.

it goes deeper than that I am sure,
a lifetime of damage
that you have had to endure,
that is why I see a man
who deserves my attention
because I do not turn my back
on another human needing an intervention.

I understand why most don’t agree,
you were a monster, a controller
my mother drowning in the dead sea.
you’re arrogant and unpleasant
but you truly care about me.
underneath your exterior layer
I believe there to be,
a man gently crying
sheltering behind the carefree.


I am trying my best to be more honest
so I don’t live out my life after my father
whose lying is spectacularly flawless
so I do not see why I should lie to you
I want a relationship because
I am scared of what you might do
a vulnerable man, I am too empathetic
I feel sorry for you,
it is not purely genetic.

it’s a sad circumstance
for a woman of my age
trying to break through her father’s exterior
and enter an unexplored cage
to break free the humanity that I believe is left
and release you from the uncertainty
what you are heading towards is death.

We have rights as human beings living within our borders. We are taught never to get in trouble with the law in another country. The reason, many countries have corrupt governments, they appeal to simple bribes and convict the innocent falsely. In some countries they do not even control their country but rather by gangs who have "deals" with their government not to interfere with international affairs. If the international community saw this "friendship" would make the government look weak, corrupt and not able to control its people.

We also have people hired by these governments to inflict these laws, yet there are many cases of a police officer who used his privileges unjustly because the person thought that they would never be arrested because they were above the law. They take their status and use it as an advantage , they ****, they assault, they arrest, just because of ***, financial status, religion, and race. When they are prosecuted their sentence is reduced due to the fact that they are fellow officers who would do the same for them.

Even if we have a legal system that is fair and just, we might think that the convicted will be prosecuted fairly, and the innocent and victims cared for. Yet there are so many gaps in our legal system that sometimes the guilty run free and the innocent convicted wrongly.

How will our government ensure that society is safe from the dangerous, and the innocent protected? How will the government insure that people who have been convicted can become part of society again and not be a threat? How can the government insure that that phycological distressed people don't get guns? How can they do this and still have the ability to let people use guns?

I act normal in society,

He's making a fool of himself,

I am mature,

He talks like a 5 year old,

I act like I'm 18,

His phycological status puts him at a functioning age of at the most 12,

To be truthful I am what I am and 18 is what I am not.

Stuck in depression.
That's what they say.
But it's not depression.
It's the thoughts I deal with everyday.
I am not immune.
To hurt and pain.
I wish I was.
No more fear, no more rain.
In my soul,
Where was my purity?
Where was my childhood,
Where was my safety?
I could say save me,
But there is too much to save.
Too strong for me,
The sadness is a rave.
When is there not a negative?
An inappropriate thought?
A confusing thought?
An abusing thought?
Phycological pain.
They say is common.
But I have multiple in one stain.
Anxiety.
Controlling.
OCD.
ADHD.
PTSD.
Depression.
Confusi­on with inapropriate darkness is the makeup of my mind
Please help me.
Is what I hope to say.
But I don't use hope.
Because this I cannot receive today.
Or any other place in my life of which I lay.
I hate trying.
I gave up on crying.
Look up to the Willow, is it spying?
Mentally insane,
Believing in things that only cause pain.
I am insightful, but not mature enough to follow the right lane.
So why mind?
Why can't you find
Kindess to my own soul.
All I can take is a toll.
So I am still stuck.
In a random, just like this poem.
That might hit you like a truck.

Yes.
This is a simple right,
A simple bless.
I cannot understand,
Why some people can't be better.
Be more open.
This makes me redder.
Frustration.
I can't have open mind.
When all my mind does is grind.
So loud it absorbs my life to fixing.
So I judge.
Because I don't have time to learn to not.
So this shall be a tied knot.
Till the rope ends.
Because the mind fraying is not a depended.
It is a for sure until end.
So I don't mean to offend.  
I mean to help.
Not to hurt.
But to lift out of the dirt.
I don't know why I exist, or humans in general.
But I have a few depressing insightful theories.
Nothing is going to overseer me.
And if there is,
It deserves not exist.
For what it has done.
I could give a long list.
But that would result in nothing,
Not even fun.
Weigh my soul by a ton.
Not by guilt.
But by phycological pain.
Don't judge.
Or else you may judge yourself.
I do.

I look in the mirror to find myself,
But instead see a 6 ft. lump of disappointment;
I have good intentions, but horrid actions are always dealt,
All the people who like me slowly start to resent;
Why can’t I ever get it right?
Why do I trap myself even deeper in rain?
I want to do the right thing with all my might
But it seems like I’m only good at bringing pain.

What am I to do when there nothing left,
I’m even a let down to the one I admire;
Ashamed of and shunned, like an untrained pet
Feeling like my soul is about to expire;
When trust is lost it cuts you deep,
I realize the hardships of the world;
I realize it's not just you but the friends you keep,
Understanding that life is more than money, education, and that special girl;

Questioning the deeper meaning of life,
Overbearing tragedies;
Questioning even being alive,
Locked in a phycological prison that doesn’t come with keys;
Always wanting the best, yet only getting a hint,
That I am nothing, but a walking disappointment.

0 degrees outside
She ......
All hot and bothered.....
Awkwardly
Comes trippin in.
Her arms overly full of words stacked.
Given me that look of,
WHAT?

want ,
Rejection? disbelief !
Youre an *******,
And well ?
Arent you gonna help me?
Stumbles and stops .
Throws hands
Folds her arms
Turns sideways.
Thrusts her head back and looks the
Opposite way.
Blows a contemptuous
Burst of air out of flared nostrils.
And and says
With a snotty tone . ...
I dont know why i have to say it.
K
Ya knaw what
Im Sorry ....
But
Blah blah blablaw......and thats my fault how?
Im not doin this
.this is your fault!

...
"Uhm ...
Was that an apology ?".....is what i said in my head ..
What i said out loud was
"What .....
Ohhhhh
Hah!
O......I......C
Heh hehheh.
You want me to
Apologise?
R u serial right here..........
O........k.......
I can definitely do that.....
O...k.....
im sorry .. .
But i cant appologise for that..
There ......
Better now?"

And outside those thin beautiful walls
The stupidity continues.
All from a misconstrued
Cellphone message...
Neither would listen
Neither would give in
They would rather let love die
Why ...
Cant anyone love each other
Enough
To understand
We cant hold our partners
To higher standards
Than we hold ourselves to
No we need the opposite
And thats what we dont do
And the reason we complain about our day to day
To the only one who will listen
Is weve already
Smoked off all the ears anyone else who would pretended to have given a damm.
So turning the one lover u have left into a captured phycological abducted and held hostage
Torture victim