Making friends is hard to do
But I think I've made one in you
As friends we are all set
Even though we've never meet

I knew you before I knew your face
Getting to know you feels like a race
You are so friendly, amazing and kind
Your good qualities aren't hard to find

I can't wait to hear more from you
Keeping in touch I will certainly do

My old true love rdd=PC
wrote this poem to me on HP.
~~~~~
"I fall in love."
"Death would be liberating
but I wouldn't suggest jumping off a cliff"
                                               NO
"And for the life of me I hold on
to shaddy realities,
and an odd feeling of never being enough."

"I don't know what will happen"

IT IS ALL OUT OF MY HANDS

IT'S ALL OUT OF TIME"
~~~~
( my spontaniety of first thought)
my response 2018 is:

I fall in love too I choose life.
dearest true love of yore
from your holy hands
your love unto my heart falls
joining my spirit soul
precious twin flame
and here with me  love won't die

nor can unconditional love
into my hands ever perish

true love needs not be liberated
as no TREASON ever existed
you just got me ALL WRONG!

And since when orphanes
in protective custody hiding for their life after Feds and murderers buchered her family and loved ones in childhood

and throughout adolecence years  a faulty weak covert adoption witness protection program forcing victim to live as an exiled fugitive??
due to a horrendous loss of life

You simply didn't know me
for the task you and your brother assigned to me dearest ones
and isn't it treason on your part to abandon an amnesic loved one
only because it wasn't written in an old script?
some lovers being in love
feeling betrayed and hurting
do jump off a cliff
like you did It hurts do much to understand your pain physical and mental too
Still others jump into amnesic shocks becoming like I did
DEATH CALM! its very painful
i had no shell shick therapyst no councellings just hell left behind
I don't recomment either one
ways to hurt for living one another presence was needed!

both ways of hsndling pain
are equally distructive unfruitful look at me now!
you have support family bank
structure how do I win from here  I healed living in denial.
my ignorsnt ways ended in heartbreaking tragedy more for me than for you
You were my hero my knight
I loved you always will i was in love with you I hurt too
We were so identical twin flames from the inside thinking modes
both feeling so small
and never enough for each other!
because we were apart!
And both so brightly colored in the outside with Gs light
very rare occurance
a triumph for the finding
worth the fame intended
worth the pain of defeat endured
for the best can only be bought at the cost of great pain and sacrifice!!
my pain went to sleep in an amnesic transformative shock
I have always loved you
and as you see I did jump!
Right into 'death' and 'knife'
i transformed to survive
Read my birth chart both Death and Knife remain a blessing and a curse to me such mystery
but both protecting me just the same!
two protective mechanisms
per the Mayan calendar.
such a mystery we both are.
Death saving me from 'death'
and knife'cutting' through my pain a cold ice blade
there transforming me
Death Calm and silent!
I am not insensitive I feel love
death needs not be liberating
my soul knowing true love
will rest in peace with some regrets
I promised our unborn childten that no love fame nor great fortune would be greater then the love I feel for them all
and I kept my painful promise
but it was the end of me
In your eyes
I must have shrank smallest yet
misunderstood I go unless you read me here on HP the final fronteer unless you read
my memoir but we are both running out of time
lovers die in more ways than jumping off cliffs

precious love thank you for loving me
it hurt me very deeply to let you go so long ago
I am the woman who loves you the most in this whole wide world
I could have given my life for just one day though to have understood you grabbed you!
to have known what to do
what not to do,
where to go, where not to go,
what to say, what not to say.
what to think and what not to think!
i didn't understand you!
so I feared you
I couldn't fight every greedy jealous woman for your love as the left behind gap how?
forgive me please beloved
I felt too small and worthless

I had no idea anyone on earth would love me too back!
much less enough as to jump of a cliff to hurt that much for my life to benefit as new Eve
even changing earth with you
a worlds new adam Back then

I sincerely did not understand what you had planed to do after my impatient ignorant fall

Life had only taught me
to feel insignificantly tini especially when being taunted
mistreated and challenged
abandonement syndrome
was my demise dince childhood
your mind games and head riddles smothered my dreams
of you me for us.

loving you more than
I loved myself was understood
very well that's what life
had taught me to do
to let go of everything I ever loved the most
when all life did was take chunks of my family and my life.
You were life's reward to me
without you by my side
I became speechless Dead Calm
stump like on Mothers day.

'sorry' can't depict the black hole
that has swallowed you
and me apart
nor pain depict the bottomless pit that living without you is

I too fell into my death
heartbroken as you announced
a JaneHilton freeway driving
in oposite directions was agony when in your letter
you wrote you had a wife!

I fell into the abyss and I died
I was only nineteen then

Then came hell getting me stranded at the fork road
all the way to hell Greece

smily kind penpal demons helped me up a plane ticket

two in all even married me not to avert authorities of my impending death with their treacherous agendas
IT WAS ALL STAGED
as was much of my life on earth.

I am glad we met
glad we loved each other
near or far
in Gs hands we both are.
~~~
By:Karijinbba-Copy Rights
2017 revised 03/ 29/2020.

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, blood is shameless;]


impurity on the ***** red

I pure I shed

hunger I fed

so loose so tight on the lead

so irritating she bled

revolting when it messes with the head

doors closed sounds spread

again unlike the befores I said

polluted on garments I five the two

onto the further of the farthest of lives

I paint I skin

I smudge the thin in the thrill

till it comes to a ****

and a breathe is willed

for nails to blood

and fingers to clot

guilty shame not guilty shameless pleasures on the lots

I care I not

            

                                                               ­                      --------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, sunset west moon flies east? ;]


air planes soar
beyond the limits they roar
in a longing stare they long
disappearing through the clouds and gone
arise arose arisen
and in my place still frozen wizen
they venture the winds purple skied time
to blend and wing the moon menaces racing in line
glistening afar
from the back of a wounded scar
archer to the future
claiming a bleach
where does it go?
where does it reach?
maybe Saturn not here
but the return is there
to the node of the belong flying up no fear
seems my flight gonna wait for years
the waxing gibbous flies
and I hope for dreams in the close of eyes


                                                                          ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, the difference makes no difference:>

under the rain love me
above the clouds love me not
think the days flowery and notes of C
think the blame is on the sugary plot

ever since I painted accidents with red
violets turned blue swoon
my demeanor shaded a women with a stubborn head
the kind of color that you moon

the most of the most
all no sequence separated
is what my season is up to raise that toast
and them breezes lay chills for the never faded

sweet
stay on my mind rule my mercury
the feel of love is neat
the curious incident that manifested this artery

a crumble of pieces to get back all a dawn
a primary color
painted on my nails tickling a green lawn
can't be traded with no other odor

the sparkles danced roses over my heart
I knew the first page
would be the death of me from the start
wouldn't trade it with any other stage

how did we get there?
the possession of double happiness
the dry blood scattered in the air
moments printed in hopeful swift angriness

delusional dimensions
out of the norm
things my soul would grant a suspension
this time to welcome the storm

I don't think so
the blur of the night on a stairs
a stumble in once upon ago
brought pretty smiles in crying strands of hair

because I don't want to wake up
the dressing of sunrise capital
the unwanted, a guitar playing after my tea cup
even if the burdened wrists all heavy calculated radicals

kisses infected mere means
the days of thoughtful ventures
of doubtful summers and no sleep
something an old vanilla scent betrays a different texture

                                                        ­                            -------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, some questions are never answered---they are floating in space scrapes till now:\


who are you?

where are you?

are you there?

you still there?

your staggering blues begged

for my attention in the shackles of chaos

now what?

where are you gone?

call me right on the phone?


                                                                                     ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, I'm well aware that nothing makes sense, including this poem :>

content is not something we give consent
you hold your pen yet the ink spills as it pleads
you are a walker of blood yet it sheds out when cut & bent
you have a brain yet the tongue blurts out the feels

content is not something we color
just an acceptance of the past
just a canvas you get to paint with limit bother
good for a day then a memory till it lasts

the kiss of a palm forehead & cheek
drafts in my head just to render a sleep
some greed never fed or a satisfaction to meet
yellow till it goes mustard & a shade deep

the saving of a night that would save the day
it's like it's gold but you're swallowing the sand?
the desperation for a treasure at some bay
how would I even find content when out of the hand?


                                                         ­                         --------ravenfeeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, just upon a dream---magical things come to burn to gleam:}


I don't know you
I danced with you once upon a magical dream

I don't know you
that look in your blues is so malefic an appeal

and I don't know you
if it's true that visions are all imaginary

but if I don't know you
I'll wait to see you

you'll love me at an infinite once
the way you did once upon a dream

but if I don't know you
I'll die to see you

you'll hold me in hugs
the way you did tons upon a dream

------

a fantasy a miraculous gleam
to my heart forever a favorite scene


                                                         ­                        ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, feel with others and make them understood:->


in her feels not mine to be

in her exclamations a secret to the seeking  havens I see

just from the beginning

I confess I blurt must

bring respect to hands of dust

undone by the noise

maybe breathed to the wrong soils

for me to you its a pathetic muse

for you to me its a phenomenal---an interlude

wrapped around a neck a tormenting noose

for the lines might be altogether attached

yet by the hearts ultimately snatched

yet the pieces left broken

swept under the deeps of the rug gone unspoken

strangling up to the muffled tears

been shed been dear

even when life is brought to its feet

still bound to magnetize

she drugs our feels

your moons---a blessing in a demon to the darks

not a silver not a golden not a dime a ricocheting stark

painted on ceilings

are you an angel haunted by the devils???

seems like God is unfair

sorting mindlessly things just for hearts to rebel

a past life you wish you could speak of you may

from them those of the brutal realizes to draw out through the way

disguised on the pretends

you pay

so **** miserable for me to digest to decay

what about you the owner

of a curse everyday???

believed to be a sad sad serenade

just from the no ending

where I await a second

I confess I blurt I must say


                                                           ­                      ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, we live for moments that will sweep us of our feets:>


And her pupils dilate betraying her detachment

She senses his invading into the crowd

She drips to her feet in confusion and curiosity

about that mysterious gleam adhering her

She tries to ignore but couldn't help

She yearns for the ocean eyes

She finds herself tensing to the touch of his gaze

that trickles a striking chill down her shoulders to her lower spine

And she melts with lust and entice



                                                                   ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, I hate this color:)

from the couldn't write to the couldn't sleep
almost questioned the revenge from the read
to have the crumbled skin kiss the red
the lost bitten nails got teared and fed
pastel in capital letters on sand
the cruel wave washes in no clock hand
an orange flee for your life
leave a trail to follow and strive


                                                                                  -----ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, new poem:)

not the best lens emitted such light
delicate weathers upon previous sights
in a dived listening exile
the carry of the Earth in a swift's mile
in the blink
the week's blur and the paint's sink
raging on red sunsets
raging on yellow's pale sulfur the dreams let
the twirl of winds
on the worlds of the flipped
like in every sky
the one of the days that the one of the nights
fogs in a hurry
what's grey is the face of worry
never know if you don't see for yourself
that the clouds above this roof are the same above that shelf
not always a purple fairytale
August slipped away a coat in the cruelest detail
haven't even begun them storms
the already seen is a scare out of the norm
peace to heart
yet my mind awoke in fear from each start
these bugging times
are the times of memory loss in a hellish crime
the one sun the one full moon
how stars shine mystically reaching future's soon
and me in here as shown
tracing a map of the intuition's unknown
delusion
maybe a disguised mood before the ultimate confusion
the one month of picking up pieces
the dark is long so sleepless to the hope decreases
yet I do know that the same will return in ease and flow
been recalling that for the last two years in a row
the outer skies
now a reason to fly


                                                           ­              -------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, hanging on these little things life grants us is the reason of our survival;]


in his feels

I know I see

the drowned drips of the feet

smiles of the fakes he sweeps

lick the lips and motion the blondes to touch

hearts to brush

always as also so little as much

thinking when he means of the ones and the twos

the whispers and the apples to smell to near

hairs so dark for the safe to fear

maybe then the want would not haste

or not for the come to paste

invisible to the seen to the face

on the yellows they still remain

or blue flowers on the neck I wish the belongs come to make


                                                                               -------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, some dreams can keep you thinking for a billion years:--)


the pure turquoise shivers diamonds down my spine

torture to the power I stand naked in line

endgame towards that brown

cluster mind surrounds that shrieking sound

to her to him undeniably I **** that escape for no more

a huge leftover on my soured piano box in a vein core

a question I ponder concerning my slate

am I even ready to lead the way of knows on this plate???

or even a remember of that cursed undestined for them for us to be

a far away excluded fate

                                                                                  --------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, memory loss is impossible to the sense of smell:)

ancient perfume box
left somewhere in a classic loft
opened moments in a meet
to an old of an old sweet
memory in a tape on a leash in fear
like a flashback of brief to four years
disclose the good not the sad
never the bad
already made sure to wear
on the days of happy in mere
and now the odor
smells a swift of colors
once in each while
go back a little in miles
a tickle to the nose
something out of Beethoven's ears
souvenirs the precious chandeliers
things the mind randomly chose
several pasts when my pen couldn't write
and the piano served a beam of light
in an ocean
sinking deep with no motion
escapes
from each New Year's mistake
for the lifetime spaces
of the turn from the tackling faces
pink floral promises
of better opposites
fragranced to keep a stay
afraid a glass would slip away

                                                               ­                  ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, when love is like a dream---we live not exist:>


love

when a skirting golden light sinks the morning room
when a chocolate's mist takes away the gloom
when a song blasts the ear you make a scream
when a coffee's first sip lightens the mind with steam
when a sea races the waves alone dived
when a rainbow kisses a mere the rain skied

when a heart makes a dance
when a landscape stills the stance
when a painted hand dirties the whites
when a moon never fails to shine in sight
when a run feels like the embrace of the winds mint
when a line flows a ray of a poem in every tint
and we live not exist


                                                                             ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, don't really know what I'm trying to say here;}


every word in poetry

I want written on my stone in the cemetery

they fly in the perspective

in every human eye changed-disrespective

no faults on the creation all undeniable artistic behavior

faithful not for me loyalty not a word to my savior

hands barely reaching a touch

others marvelous not asking much

                                                                                         -------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, never been more frustrated for not remembering a dream:_(

deja vu brought to view
even better this time that was like the twisted flu

an erase my system moonlighted on me frustrate to repeat
sunset a truck corner an autumn lasting in the backseat

forget that the ocean sailed and orange witches golden
a town of ancient camps imagined clean desires and broken

any subconscious stubborn to hold on inner fantasy?
cause me can't reach a fulfill a journey come to and ending duality

violet unaware a desire everlasting bel air
do dreams come true flasher in sharp not matter mere???

bare me the renaissance a century in ancestry fading memory far  
pieced in my head puzzled mad realization aiming stars

magnetism the hell it means dungeon and dilemma bolds
sharp steeps deepen the voices  running struggles put to the sold


                                                                        -----ravenfeels

those mistakes were never the same,
snowflake, snowflake,

i melted in the touch of your cold cold heart.
i see you frantic, romancing the stars,

show me the world again, my gentle penpal and my proudest critique,
we circled the landmarks until you made me heart start to beat.

I’m petrified of the ride, this gifted one way system,
my commitment to you is beautiful true.

i pictured destruction - i couldn’t function in ways,
years and years, days and days, it was peace at last, if only you knew.

a thousand friends and a million faces,
the snowball effect melted me snowflake mallow.

you were right all along, i was spun from the whirlwind of your world.
give me Disney love now or nothing at all.

i’m all yours now my sweet princess,
theres no contest or battle just a universe of you.

the placebo effect is so far from the truth, an uninhabited land - i belong here with you.

theres only one question that remains unanswered.

snowflake don’t ever change. x

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, waste before you taste cries:\


holding me this way      

     never thought id never wanna leave

                                                                               -------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, best me is the best feel the way I own:>


heart so pale

I am senseless with no shame

guess that curse you embraced me with didn't go in vain

feel a deprivation in my feels I pained

rather myself than affections by strangers to my insane

bet that dream you stole haunted me and stained

I want to scream and tear the memory out of that stupid brain

**** the devil will still forever and I can't complain


                                                      ­                              ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, just a magical night in October that I ache for:}


when the telephone rang and his pleas sang

when the station blurred and the tables turned and the light burst

when he ran for the chase never minding the haze of desperate achieve

when he begged for the day for my beloved stay in the seconds before leave

when he refused to leave in the fight of disbelief in the fear of a disappear

when the stairs he walks to embrace the lots that we missed along the nighty watch

when he saves the gush in a surrender to his touch and an affection to my feels


                                                                                         ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, somethings I just couldn't stop writing about:)


steps echoed down the stairs bringing a wild relief to his blare

approach of silence to regret the resilience

of an unspoken battle of illicit stares in defiance

embrace of warmth heartens the overdosing serenity

hold of love for the first time in months

bringing safe havens to my desperate soul magnificently


                                                                                         ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, I think my words speak for themselves;}


tired of the blinded faults

disgusted by the brutal unappreciation

manifested in the untied bonds

to **** the place and fire up the numbs

maybe ending in tons of regrets and flooded ponds

yet my indecisive conscience knows no faked up fonts

and my rage is bored of a game of prison where no fun

just please me with your silence drowned

keep me with your mouths shut down

you call me rage with no bounds

well blame yourselves for the upcoming storm and sounds


                                                                                         -----ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, dreaming is my official drug;}


some wound some abuse came to an ache a demand

things I wont suppose an understand

ought for them to ****

brought to me bruised with arms no one to fill

why does it make me mad

quickly to the rush if your eyes I hand

corner stances of broken promises landing to your palm

scratches I seem to beg my lips to kiss to calm

I hate to admit it but

I got it bad to that devilish sword

whispers of magic into my mind taste of words

cutting my limbs in crap

drowning my heavens in a trap

cause maybe then I dream

on the moment unpast unseen

think your feels would come to me

horror of a real I disbelieve

or not come to the sleeping nights I don't need

or not embrace the lots adore me in free

fly my stars to a miraculous scene

so resented so loved

yet so hard to redeem
  

                                                                             -------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, somethings are not what they seem to be:|


another me another you

now I don't know what to do

I wanna shred my lungs and splinter my blood

tear my eyes and spill the hidden tears that can't seem to flood

I imagine you in characters that I read

so pathetic and shameful of the things I plead

once upon a poisoned naïve time

I breathed a breath and said it'll be once---what a crime??!!

turned out to be a humiliation to that humble soul pride

blame myself for that ****** day I bled my soft side

lately in the dead she solely glides


                                                        ­                          ------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, don't rush into things:\


waste before you taste

I refuse to believe the understands of this maze

or maybe I do in an unhealthy tunnel I pace

plastered on my thumb

can't hide can't delete

abandoning the louds from above even the beats

of my heart not the need

of the rhythm that I feed

of the sorrow that I plead


                                                                               --------ravenfeels

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, quit smoking it is very bad;}


drags of sorrow in the remained smokes fade into the air

greeted with lies and faked lines


                                                                                       ------ravenfeels