MY PEN BLEEDS
Oh, crying wind what is it again?
why do you sing me all those sadden songs?
Oh, moon, can you hear it too?
the old raggedy tuns of late June?
I cried over and over in silence
my heart is bleeding out like the sea
the cuts are open, the blood is red
I feel I'm almost dead,
Oh, heaven among all angels
can you see my eyes are still open,
they are getting somewhat glazed
my body is feeling a lottle more frozen.
I can still see me at my desk
socken up in pain and shame
from the night before
when he beaten me down on the floor
calling me a darity *****
telling me I need to be beat some more.
Oh, those painful years
where all my memories flow like the ink
that is in my pen that will last a life time.
I try so hard to change this fear
this madness that he put in my life.
So I write out all that I bleed
every word, every sound
every tear that falls has his name on them,
In the silence of my empty life
I write to a world of strangers
hoping and praying for them to hear my voice.
Because I have a voice that can get very loud
Do I Need To Shout?
I will never be silent ever again,
I will write out my darken dreams
where I always scream
while my spirit sinks.
Oh, how the ink seeps upon silken paper
while my eyes flow in tears
that lasted all those painful years in silence
I can hear him walking up the steps
making his way to my bedroom,
He starts to yell out my name
Oh, its the same old thing,
casting out his angry lies
playing hurtful mind games
just to see me cry
why he punches me in the eyes.
Oh, how I can hear his evil voice
while his eyes looking deep into mine,
my heart is empty
and the abuse is plenty
my heart is racing
while I'm pasting the floor.
He is now beating on the door
my mind sees all this darkness
a place I call my nightmare
aplace I try to run from
but somehow I had not found my escape
I do feel so much pain.
I still see the images of him
where words of hate flow deep into my mind
Oh, how I start to cry
chills start to roll down my spin,
I start to hide
but somehow I was always found
I try never to make a sound.
So, I kept on writing
no matter how bad the memory gets
I know I will never truly forget
but I am ready for my healing
so I just let my pains flow like ink
I let it all out in many words
where the rain starts pouring down.
where words of the past
keeps making its way back,
It was a cold winters night
that I ran so fast
I could see the raindrops fall
It is cold September.
Oh, how I do remember
all those painful times
the years , and the tears
the cuts of his words
the abuse I truly had endured.
Oh, how I cried on that cold winters night,
I wept and I spoke out
but all he ever did was shout.
He never care about my feelings.
He never cared to apologize
for the pains he had put in my life
the on going nightmare of his abuse.
He left me so empty
I had felt so lost.
I had no one to turn too
I felt so used .
Beaten down like a lost clown
he played hateful mind games on me
most of the time,
he shamed my good name
then gave me all blame.
On that sad cold winters night
I started to write my famous lines.
I felt I was about to die.
Oh, it was a stormy cold sad night,
I had felt so much fear
that it almost taken the breath out of me.
Every word is written
I kept scrawling on my paper
until my pen recedes.
He left me out to bleed
just like my fountain pen.
Oh, how he cut me deep
all I can do is weep
even in my sleep.
He made me belive I wasn't worth a thing
not even to eat
not even to live a happy life.
he made me feel I was nothing but a rag doll.
I didn't have a voice he would say,
I didn't have the right to speak,
I was nothing but his *****
that he would use and abuse
night and day
while my spirit started slipping away.
I thought that whatever I had to say
or whatever I had to do
was only something that was so bad
when it comes to you .
So, I just writen it all down on paper
for the world to read what it is I bleed.
the way I saw things in life
was a place that wasn't nice
people were always unkind.
All I ever heard was ''That's not so,
You can't prove a thing.''
Oh, hear comes the rain.
But, I thought over and over to myself
I have the beautiful mind
that has a lot to write about.
I start to hear his voice saying aloud
''What you think isn't worth a thing in this world."
But, as all those years slowly started to fade
I writen down all my deepest pains,
where more ideas come to play
more effort to achieve my goals
where old feeling I view as the strength of me
because I stood up to my beast.
So, now I write out my pains
even in the pouring down rain
where all my hopes and dreams come to life
this is a big part of my writes life.
Poetic Judy Emery © 1998
Copyright © Judy Emery| Year Posted 1998