apricots and cigarette smoke: your smile is infectious. heat leaking through the little slit in the window: melt like cool frosters on a hot summer day - melt into me lets become solvent in this little car; (I wouldn't mind.)
combine together, like our parents and parents before them. molecular; everything, anything - we are science.
I am not afraid, it is you who takes the air from my gasping lungs; - look! at his beauty; divine.
A flight here and a flight there Let me compensate for not being there When you needed me When you need me I taught you how to deal with pain While being lonely I thought you how to fight away the demons By leaving them to feast on your flesh To gnaw at your bones To leave you for dead And I return to take you on a trip To take you away from the misery that i am blind toward That I do not know you have I taught you how to talk through your fears Now the only ones you talk to are in your brain
No father, I will not shed a tear I am the water beneath the desert the undiscovered landmines in the soil I am held back tears and the god of war The war against pain As I fight in the trenches In a battlefield facing myself Battling an enemy that is closer than the end of my nose Breathing so heavy, until the pain to goes to ****
Don’t let me see the tear stains on your sweater sleeve You are not the child i birthed You are but a machine Do you not feel a thing? Can you not say you’re glad? I’ve never seen you smile Is that a tear in your eye? Save it for later Throw away the paper You cannot be another traitor To your brain Do not talk about your heart you are not a painter
No woman, i am not your child I am nobody’s daughter Just a trapped little boy Screaming through the windows Cause you won’t let me out Of this house made of hate With these cracks in the walls That lets in little rays of love That I am too afraid to touch Because i barely know love
But the walls of my house are my skin and my bones And the prison called *** that is set on the roof No I’m not complaining I’m just being honest Didn’t you teach me that when you said I was going to be nothing When you called me a pig and I learnt to cry silently Now I almost always cry silently ~~ For these are the scars that I bear on my soul That I wear on my sleeve For i have been told that there is beauty in acceptance In accepting what you’ve faced And learning how to be loved And how to be alone
Sometimes I think that you could careless about me. I might be your kid, and you could be might my parent, but sometimes I think that you treat me more like a carrot. I grow by myself, I get my own nutrition. I get my own life, I get my own attention. You do not care about me, at least that's what I think. But even carrots cannot be on their own.
You do not care if I come home ****** red or sick orange.
In the beginning, there was me, then I became you and I, then you and I became Helen and Johnny then Helen and Johnny became Man and wife then man and wife became parents to our son and now there's only my son our kitten and I
Me became I became you and I you and I became man and wife
The night is still and the house is bathed in silence Warm orange glow glides from lamp to lamp She has set there on the couch, hugging her knees For days now The sun, as it passed, saw her there At least twice now Immobile, she breathes And the house breathes with her A letter sits, envelope jaggedly ripped open A letter she knows so well She could trace every one of the paper’s fibres Plot each one of them to their end, and read from the ridges of ink that dart its tundra And yet she could not tell you every word “We regret to inform you” “In his sleep” And the rest is sand on a desert wind. The words, though few, leave their mark Purple bruises that blush each cheek And a churning sickness in her gut. Soon the flies will descend, He will rot on the paper in front of her Turn into an idle thought Castrated by the healing wounds But now she weeps for her defeat. He knew you see, It was nothing but one last last word One last fight One last calculated tear All before she had the chance To finally see him die
I guess you want me to say I'm sorry But I cant... You hurt me, put a bullet in my heart Like I was an animal in a safari I needed you...you left..said it was cause of something i lacked I'm fixing myself, no thanks to you And now you want me back? I'm not the same as before You were fine knowing that I was hurting I had to pick myself up Harden my heart now I'm as cold as a stone floor I loved you but I guess you didn't love me I'm no longer sorry I did the things i did I'm not sorry i gave up Just like you did with me....
Solomon tells God not to forget his promises he made to his father, David, of successors and protection.
. . . . . . .
I wonder what his promises are to me if he has made any at all.
But if he has not he has in a million small and large matters protected me except when I didn’t allow him to which is probably most of the time.
Dare I expend the energy to mentally list these matters?
I seem so lazy when I think of my parents and how they sacrificed their pleasure and comfort for me, when I think of the pain I caused Mom from the first weeks of conception on. Oh how I have taken that love for granted. How much more so with my Creator.
But truth is, I cannot separate the love of Mamma and Daddy friends who bore my boorishness kin who’ve overlooked me overlooking them I cannot separate these from the fingers of the great sculptor.
(See I Kings 8:25-30)
I revisited this poem 1-22-19 and the first part made me go to Wikipedia and the Bible for further understanding of these promises. This then, led me to do more research on what was the ark of the covenant and what was that covenant. Very interesting. What I read summarizes a bunch of what the Bible and traditional Christians teach.
Times when young so full of myself thought to know It all In truth I knew of nothing tried to tell my mum and dad how full of knowledge I was who was I tell my parents who had lived through a War for I was protected from all the harsh the reality of life dangers being a vulnerable child so who was I to tell my parents when I knew nothing at all
Who was thought to tell my parents I knew It All I knew nothing
I hate myself I wanna die I hate myself I wanna cry I find my friends to feel okay cause I don't wanna be this way
the pressure you give is way to much and I just want to chill no rush
see if I die won't need to live my families life can finally begin
they’ll work on the second daughter, she And shape her into what they need her to be And once she soars with her success They’ll claim our broken family is blessed
I told you what I loved to do, and you just didn't care so why the **** would I share my life and speak to you and bear out all my feelings on the floor so you can look and stare and scream the words " I'm disappointed in you" and make it sound real rare.
P.S. I hate science and I'm probably going to fail biology