sedikit demi sedikit, aku sudah tidak merasakan kamu di cangkir kopiku setiap pagi.

entah rasanya mengapa sangat sangat habar. seakan kamu sudah benar-benar pergi dari sini.

tidak ada yang membuat jantung ini seakan sudah tidak berada di tempatnya lagi ketika mataku menangkap sosokmu.

aku tahu, nantinya memang kamu akan pergi. mencintai pilihanmu yang lebih sempurna dariku.

aku hanya manusia, mi querido. aku bukan dia yang lebih dari manusia normal. dia spesial untukmu. sedangkan aku tidak.

oh, tidak. aku tidak pernah kemana-kemana. aku tidak pergi. aku tetap disini dan menunggu. hanya sepertinya kamu saja yang tidak pernah sadar jika aku disini.

sudah menerka-nerka. semua ini akan berakhir tidak berbalas. semua ini berakhir sia-sia.

tapi apakah kamu tahu?

semenjak kamu bersama dia, aku sangat menikmati hobiku merangkai aksara tentangmu. walau kadang maknamu sudah terasa hambar.

kamu tahu mengapa? karena tangan ini tidak akan pernah mampu meringkuh wajahmu dan mulut ini akan kaku ketika bertatapan denganmu.

aku membiarkan tangan ini menari-nari diatas papan kata dan merangkai karangan tentangmu.

Andaikan aku dirimu
Akan kulangkahkan kakiku keluar pintu
Melayang seringan bunga kertas
Kan kupenuhi hari-harimu dengan warna indahku

Andaikan aku dirimu
Akan kujelajahi setiap sudut kota
Kutelisik namamu di papan-papan pengumuman
Kucari wajahmu dalam setiap poster iklan
Kan kuceritakan padamu hargamu bagiku
Sambil mengantarmu pulang ke rumah

Andaikan aku dirimu
Aku akan berkawan dengan malam
Kutangisi bintang-bintang jauh yang berpendar lemah
Kemudian kupeluk rembulan dengan erat
Kurayu agar ia mau menyinari jendela kamarmu
Dan sinar lembut sewarna perak menerpa wajahmu
Indah menemani kau yang terlelap

Andaikan aku dirimu
Jikalau nanti kau tak melihat diriku
Aku sedang mencari pulau yang tak dikelilingi air
Biar kuisi dengan lautan kembang api
Agar kau menyaksikan letupan-letupan rindu penuh warna
Merasakan jarak indah yang menyiksa

Jiwa yang berlalu lalang
Dibawah ratusan ataupun ribuan
Payung hitam yang mengembang
Berlindung dari jeritan nestapa
.
Hanya tersisa kantuk yang menguap
Di sepanjang trotoar jalan
ataupun dalam kemacetan
dan asap rokok yang mengepul
di pinggir halte bus yang ramai tak jelas
.
Sesekali, seseorang akan menoleh
Dari jendela mobil dan berkata
"Aku tak melihat apa-apa"
Lalu tenggelam dalam sinisnya
Diantara bising klakson mobil
Ataupun kesibukan siluet kota
.
Layaknya seperti papan reklame
Yang terpampang nyata
Dengan warna monokrom
"Selamat datang bagi pendatang baru, dan Selamat tinggal."

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