Panic attacks for me are shakey.
I start to think everyone's starring,
I wonder what they're thinking.
My resoloution is to get out.
Then the tears come pouring down.
As they do my body follows.
I sink to the ground and try to hide myself.
The sleeves of my jacket become soaked,
And then my heart feels like it'll explode.
Anxiety is a whole nother code.
I am a warrior.
Stronger than her demons.
Braver than the darkness.
It sits in my stomach,
rules the beats of my heart,
pouring under my skin,
and through my shaking limbs.
It grips me and waits
to tear me apart.
In public spaces,
the crowds and faces
spark its power over me.
I count to three
Still, I can barely breathe.
Engulfing my energy
until it's ready to leave.
It leaves me trembling,
as my eyes betray me.
Once more my fears
have brought me to tears.
My social anxiety was so bad today, I don't know how I made it.
A subtle panic like a slow death creeps, the anxiety within me, for here's where it sleeps.
Quietly loud enough to cover the sound, of the glassware you've thrown, now strewn all around.
Rocking all positive lullaby's to sleep, ensuring all menacing thoughts I'm to keep.
It's adept like the teen who's stayed out beyond curfew, sneaks in armed with oceans with which it will drown you.
All because of the lies that were said, went in through your ears and lived in your head.
The life you once had held aloft like a prize, you breathe your last breath and then close your eyes.
Poetry by Kaydee.
Just feelings but I feel them.
the dark approaches as if it is an ineluctable storm
created by thoughts falling like dominoes
or explodes into existence in a breath
detonated by a word innocently spoken
an eclipse constructed of your fears
like locusts eating all the light
with hooks and claws they grasp the air
pulling it up from your lungs
fighting blind against attacks from every side
weapons fall from your trembling grasp
I still see you dimly, enveloped in despair
you no longer see me at all
I have become a phantom, intangible
dispersed into powerless anguish by your terror
my voice is only a murmur to you
a far-off echo, indistinct
defenses and barriers you have labored on
transform into spun glass latticework
shattering through them without knowing
shards left embedded in your skin
stumbling blindly in the darkness
you are swallowed whole into the void
once more you are ripped away
imprisoned in the Stygian, pitiless hole
the emptiness turns its gaze to me
mocking laughter blisters my flesh
I can only wait and call to you
how long till you return
I'm sorry but problematic is not a synonym for over-dramatic.
My constant panic isn't normal ,
Flickering eyes, shaking thighs an unsuccessful amount of tries
isn't normal ,
Being complimented yet reacting offended putting my walls up and becoming defensive is not at all normal -
and I may sound awful, like a pain in the neck
yet the pain lies deeper inside every attack it tries to escape
and I think if it did leave you'd find that you could perhaps be able to relate
Maybe if we went through this together you'd finally understand this pain that I hate .
perhaps being told
“you are not alone,” is the
scariest of all
And like that
my voice has been stolen away
Anxiety barricades like invisible steel walls
Trapped, I’m left banging with clenched fists
A prisoner within my own head
My brain a chemically imbalanced warden
My mind in solitary confinement
i've been denied bail | h.t
voice escapes me
my chest so tight
like being stabbed with a knife
for what reason?
NaPoWriMo day 4 - 040419
crying , my sobs echo
shouldnt have looked at old messages
on my phone
tears stream my face
my past haunts me
suicidal thoughts try to tempt me
i dread waking up
i hate myself
i grieve the loss
that i was never the boss..
of my life
Droplets tap the dusty windows
Tipping pleasure on the pane
Dribbles every time the wind blows
Prophesize a hurricane
Kisses linger on the backseat
Desperate to delight in more
Suffocated by the heat, but
When it rains, it starts to pour
Panic storm that quickly closes
Smashing waves upon the sand
Tension tearing up the roses
Stuttered poems, shaking hands
Though the pressure keeps you floating
And the ocean licks its shore
There's no way of sugarcoating
Once it rains, it has to pour
Stick a finger in your ceiling
Let the plants hang onto youth
Sunday jazz, petrichor feeling
Hear it tripping on the roof
Smell it shifting all around you
Leaking through your drying veins
Leave your stagnant dragonfly blue
Open up into the rain
When it rains, it pours
I'll blossom being yours
Downpour cleans the ***** traffic
Rippling madly down the drain
Paints the artist something graphic
While he's waiting for the train
Laughter echoes in the morning
Licking soil and clouds to raw
From the vision that's been dawning
Once you rain, it has to pour
Spitting bombshells pelt your raincoat
Tears in quiet pools of green
Holes inside your getaway boat
Water's sweet but can be mean
You've avoided all the warfare
But the stars rampage for more
Douse the thin comfort you still wear
Once it rains, it starts to pour
Stick a finger in your ceiling
Give the plants a thirsty truth
Fairy lights and freedom feeling
Tunes of our torrential youth
Smell it changing all around you
Bursting through the shrivelled veins
Leave your crippled summertime hue
Open up into the rain
When it rains, it pours,
I'll bloom so much being yours
We're a perfect storm, I guess
Fire has been stopped with less
When it rains it has to pour.
Rain brings change when we most need it
I feel everything
that isn't there.
I think everything
that isn't true.
I try everything
that isn't me.
And my head and heart
both pound as one:
it's the rhythm
to my daily anthem,
with my feet
dancing - no,
creating tsunamis of bones
trying to keep still,
with my fingers
tingling white dust
that create a layer
of pure emptiness
all 'round me,
separating me from
all of reality.
I wish you knew
how scared I am
when you try
to save the me
who isn't here.
© LAICEY Poems August 2017
where do you float when you run out of breath?
how do you walk without knowing what's next?
weight on your chest, they say take a deep breath.
But what if you dont, is the alternative death?
do we twitch on the ground, try to think about less?
do we quietly combust, do we weather the test?
I dont know all the reasons, but i can tell you the rest.
If we go then we go,
But i havent quite yet.