the ghosts are tip toeing

through my memories

restless and at play

scattering a dusty pile

of half hidden thoughts

to one side

delving further

deeper

into twilight years

gone by

throwing caution to the wind

pandoras box is opened



copyright gothic mistress/razorbladekiss 2012

You and I were meant to be
We were the stars shinning brightest in the nights sky
We were the light in each others eyes keeping darkness away
We were each others hope when there wasn't hope anymore.
We were destined to be together
We were faiths favourite
Where did we go wrong ?
Where did I go wrong ?
We've reached our end
Our ******
Our not so happy ending
Because where we are now there is no going back
My heart is dead and yours belongs to another
For a time I believed in love I believed in a life with you at my side now I only see my side
For a time I was warm in the winter now I live with the cold
For a time I felt the future was bright and now ...
And now I don't know , I promised , I lied , I cheated , you cried , you promised , you lied , you cheated I cried
Same story different meanings , different lies I never cheated I never lied I promised but I can't cry
You broke what ever love was left in my heart , you took whatever light I held in the dark , you opened pandoras box in my soul and whatever darkness was in there consumed me whole and when it was done you ate my hope the last bit left in the depth of my pandoras box.

Together we are alone
the wishers utter was always unheard

the Art of my consort is like ash in the wind 
this purified drift of the eternal fire burning for all eternity

Timid little shell as fragile as the pearl inside
Impurities imparted and manifested into a gem

Let me see the diamond 
the diamond in your mind
I ve been mining with a keen intent
to break down the barriers only to be surrounded by the remains

Im intrigued by lustered reflections of light in these rays of waves in this passing haze of the delicacy protected by your shell

Pandoras box and eves delight
only gives me a peek of that iridescent insight
Such an elusive emblem of the coveted representative Aphrodite

Awakened by impending doom
To
Cross the threshold of a Careless bloom
you turn to me to turn away
that I see
the Diamond is your mental mineral.

Saw it unfold before my very eyes

But it happened too quickly for me to wrap my life back up into the neat little box it was packed in

peoples mouth's open and close
i see there lips moving and expressions on the face
I don't hear anything?
blah blah blah never real words
no, i am not deaf
sounds fill space but nothing worthwhile connects
wireless communication. instant messaging. one button dial
things are loved people are purposely overlooked and used
money wasted on motivational speaking
hours convincing the self: "i am right they need a lesson"
make believe bandages running with harness

love exchanged for Pandoras box
if I only knew then what I knew now, would have chosen....
wishes are well intended feathers on the wind
God catches them at the end of the world
he reads them with water filled eyes
original sin we all followed loud and proud
foolish Independence
we all assume to want the same, mostly love, how come?
we give up in a whimper, lack of endurance?
how colder the storm greater the harvest - grandpa

a soul desperate for salvation and peace
yet, motivated to strive
follow the curve in the walls,
feel it, listen ,it speaks
breath breath breath
you will touch light eventually or die trying

Tailored love of indescribable passion.
"Mr grey, my type of love is now in fashion."
You've got this amazing **** that only desires my palm.
Red hand prints.
Excitement that doesn't entirely harm.
Delicate and fine a thong that yearns for my teeth.
Removed and discarded.
After Christmas like that wreath.
******* that only imagine the warmth of hands.
Running all over you.
Following each and all my demands.
Lips supple only to the press of my own.
The way you sound.
Lust you've never known.
Hips that don't exist without the pressure of mine.
Careful what you ask for.
In Pandoras box you might find.

Kisses are like a dance one must lead.
Back and forth battle for more.
I'm dominating its what you need.
I'll certainly put you in your place.
Take head you have no power.
Your place is under me with all that grace.
On top of me so I can see that face.
Where ever I want.
Pulling your hair if it pleases me just an inch more.
What pleases me pleases you.
Of that im sure.
Just to make you feel ***** and alive again.

I use men over and over again
and they don't mind
I'm humane and kind
I don't cross boundaries
I'm just a guest
we both know it and it's already been addressed.

When he undressed me he didn't ask about my father.
When he kissed me he didn't press into my heart
because that place is very ****** dark.

I use men over and over again
to feel something
to have fun
it doesn't really matter,
because we're all agreed, this is something we both need.

But you pushed and shoved, smashed and cannonballed my wall,
I didn't want you to ask or see behind my mask,
And even though I fought this fight with laughter against your shooting questions,
you pushed and shoved against my door to find out more.

You were sweet I must admit, romantic and gentle,
but there is a reason everything is compartmental.

because when you left the next day you didn't stop to check the doorway,
where you carelessly left behind my open heart and eyes.
I didn't want to share my insides because as you walked away you didn't check to see what damage you had done.
Asking questions you didn't want the answers to.

I use men but I don't ask more than I'm ready to receive,
and they agree I'm not trying to deceive,
but you blew the doors of pandoras box and left me with the mess
that I now have to try and repress

Laying down the law of how I react,
Each verse in tune to the universal drumbeat but the thing about
No longer strange the way that miracles occur on a day to day basis

Meditation extends beyond the lyrics
Beyond the sitting still and coming to a peace
Certainly it starts at that but where it ends well depends when one defines
The ending of the meditation
An alternative , alter , degree of difference , meaning to medition could be seen as a conscious act of thinking , but that does not mean there are limits or borders to the edges of the known in fact it extends beyond into the daily uncertainties that flow

Foolish atrocities line our mothers womb and the simple pleasures become lost in fear of life and the only way we know how to counteract that kind of pain is fear , a confused kind of fear
One of distaste and eventually ignorance , ignorance is bliss they say
Well I say it’s not ,just that , I’s ignorance can be hindering , to ignore the mission is the wonderful to breathe in the restraints of feeling as if there has to be an emotion for everything , a deep attachment that clings to the very surging’s of the soul and go open


Open the Pandoras box, of a place so called shame , and see who is waiting there , try the door marked locked because who knows what’s inside , try the bathwater before you step in you might get hot you might see that the mosquito bites are actually just a test to see if you can resist the stress if you can slide past the friction into the aspects of tests that eliminate the need to be greedy into each dead unto each  creed

I hail from the land you call Thai , oh but there’s my Hatian side , tu parle francais? Well I wouldn’t know what to say but I’m French, my accent will tell you I could make a good brew but that’s the highland fence

What’s wrapped up in your DNA? Stories from a bygone age ,
What’s wrapped up in your psyche? Whole worlds that I can not see

We often seek answers
To questions
Which should have never been asked
Ever since Eve ate the apple
The world has been
Afflicted
With whats seen as knowledge
And the curse of Pandoras box
Unleashed upon the world
A ravishing hunger
To capture questions
That as ignorant humans
We should never control
What we call intellect
Is an overzealous need for power
And we mistake knowledge
For answers to the mundane
Life would be so much simpler
If curiosity wained
And we never
Began asking unnecessary questions
In the first place

you constantly manipulate the game-you toss and turn and hit the ball in all crooked ways, you scream crazy **** and pierce my soul and degrade me to levels not even six feet under could reach.
i seem to let it slide like a baby on ice because believe it or not, the louder my voice, the quieter my soul. I hate the confrontation and i dont see the point of stirring the ***.
i let you run train tracks over my face and flatten my self esteem so quickly but i cant seem to cut you off for good like an umbilical cord to a newborn.

i say one thing to you, because after all, you are always so big about being up front and in your face, you ask us why we dont talk our problems out and let our pandoras box open.
well. we did
we didnt agree-and then you become a power outage shutdown so quick and at this point, im more like pepco instead of BGE-im not quick to turn you back on.
I dont look through the same lens as you, and yes i might not see the bright side-im no sunny side eggs but hey, you are no sunflower either.

i dont understand your doubles. dont touch me and not expect to be touched.
we are friends sure but at this point im not sure if we are seesawing on a not wanting to crack the egg or if we are friends at all.
you are now shut down and at this point im like pepco-not sure when i will try to turn you back on, you bop me around like an abusive parent on drugs-you are so sure that you are right.
im hardly ever right, and i own it but you, im not sure
i cant let you use your pass about your past to get out of jail no for we all, victims and criminals have to own our past. use it to walk forward not run backwards down a hill

i know i know, im a *****, a stuck up ***** with alot to say and yes-i throw the memory of a 19 year old guy performing a ***** on me at only 5 but to be honest thats no excuse either.
we all have hot pots that are quickly dropped because of the complexity of our journeys but its no excuse to shut down. and now writing this more and more, im figuring out that this is not just a letter to you but a letter to myself. you gotta own your advice before dispersing it.
if you need a break, have a break
everyone needs a kitkat bar sometimes
i totally understand

The rain comes down like tears from her Eyes in April.
Her Smile is a crack in the street after a long Winter.
Her Mind is crumbling like a sandcastle on the beach during August.

"I'm fine..."
No I'm really not
"I'm happy I promise!"
Another lie
Why do I lie?
I guess to hide them from the horrid truth of the pandoras box that is my mind...

Yesterday

I felt the first whips of cotton
breath on my philtrum
dancing into my nostrils
piercing my mind

Whitewash and mild breeze
I turned my head and tried
******* in an inhalation
baring my teeth

Grit
and noise
Burn
and shatter
Divulge
and scream
Tears
and blood

Time
flowing beyond my veins
into the abyss of eternity
eternity

Treading softly they
smuggled into my soul
pandoras of guilt
giving me brief glints

Underneath some semi-heavy sandalphon wings
grime and some dusty tomes
undulating like streams and whispering waves
I spotted the angel star
Like every snow fall I had before.

To me you are the exquisite bubbles of foam atop the sea
A Venus amongst the many Pandoras in this universe-
'tis your lovely face that showed your bloodline to me
Who, caught in its rays, had to abandon any converse.

Surely you have a clue on what you do to poor ol’ me
And know that your smile, alike a pearl-white moon,
Was made to long for when not out for all to see
A guiding light to look for during our trip in life's lagoon.

Honestly, there must be a dazzling sun somewhere on your inside
Because its lovely heat mirrors in your warmth and bright green eyes.

You appear in my thoughts like sand is accompanied by the tide
Sometimes absent but always bound to me by scientific ties.

Excuse me, my Darling, but that all just had to be said,
You inspire me to dance there where Shakespeare has tread.

In the darkness of the night,
Many secrets are kept
And under the woven rug of truth,
Many lies are swept

In the clock that keeps the time,
Many loves are lost
And with the blood of the innocent,
Is how love pays the cost

Into the sea of forgetfulness,
We toss the ties that bind
And in the heart of goodness,
It is evil that we find

In the bottom of Pandoras box,
Lies the last bit of hope found
And to the heartbreak that is love,
We are each and everyone bound

Hidden beauty resides not in the grace like charms
Of coy smiles
Painted across a gentle Madonnas face.
Nor is she vested within the chastened vows
Of saintly knights; encased Great-Helm:
Thus maketh the pale maidens meek pulse
To so fervently race!

She neither dwells in fair Michelangelos alabaster statues,
Or famed masterpieces hung upon hushed galleries
Hallowed walls.
Never does she proudly boast from-on-high
In lofty ivory towers,
Or brazenly shout across yawning grandiose marble halls!

For she will not be found in royal palaces,
Or sprawling estates of greatly lauded piles;
She is not to be found in ancient cathedrals -
Or exalted from their most sacred holy aisles!

She will not be found in hidden empires in brave new worlds
Frontiered by far flung foam washed shores;
Nor found prowling echoing dusty bank vaults -
If all the worlds bankers
Were to throw open all of their bolted cold steel doors!

For hidden beauty knows all the crafts and wisdoms
Of learned mens most subtle and tricky arts:
And cares not a jot, or gives a ****,
For all the poets and their foolish sentimental hearts!

                            But.....

Perhaps she shyly glowers inside a sun struck morn -
Her stealing lips simmering upon the dew kissed dawn;

Perhaps she wantonly flirts alongside a babbling brook -
Where sweet Virgil, Her, for a Muse mistook;

Perhaps she frequents the flowery paths of verdant pasture -
With all their lush, vibrant, unassuming rapture;Perhaps you may find her in the dappled shades -
In and amongst the streaming glades;

Perhaps she traipses idly through heavens lights -
Of beached harvest moons and star tilted nights.

                            Or.....

Perhaps she briefly flickers across sizzling lightening strikes -
Accompanying thunderous cannonades of symphonic rolling might;

Perhaps she sometimes ignites the drifting tallgrass plains -
Glistening within fleeting rainbows blazing an arc over sparkling rains;

Perhaps she is in the gulf filled roar of stormy headlands -
Whose pounding seas smash and grind the sheering cliffs to sands;

Perhaps she burns across diamond ice in glacial mountains high -
Where frozen snows reach sharply upwards to rip open the azured sky;

Perhaps she slumbers in impenetrable greening forests deep -
Lain down with the hunted grey wolf...safe at last in contented sleep!

                            For.....

I am the glint rippling upon the gleam -
The tumbling cryptic flashing only partly seen;

I am the eternal flame that crackles in the grate -
The enigmatic indecipherable most profound innate;

I am the paradox within the intrigue -
That does so contrive but does not deceive;

I am the quantum within the curled up string -
The grain of truth from which all half-truths spring.

I am all these indefinable moments and much, much more...
which all of your befuddled senses are resigned to grapple with -
Whereupon to set such store!

                            So.....
Content yourself and make not the mistake
To assuredly set me aside to thus debate.
For i am beyond the conjectures of a mere mortal mind,
As by accidental-consequential reaction...i cannot be denied!

                            For "Hidden Beauty".....

Once freed from Pandoras box upon this spinning coil:
To fire and play upon your enchanted thoughts - and forever foil!!

I'll be Pinky
If you'll be The Brain
I'll be the yin,
If you'll be The Yang
You can be my Tylenol,
If I can be your pain
We can open up Pandoras Box,
Refusing to explain

You can be my sunshine,
If I can be your rain
You can be my therapist,
God knows, I'm insane
You can be my Moon,
If I can be your star
Together, we could be Mr. Petty,
In a **** fast car

You could be my ocean,
If I could be your sand
You could be the right,
And I'll be the left hand
You could be the silence,
I could be the scream
And you, could be my ice,
If I can be your cream~A

I’ve spent hours of my weekdays and weekends awake with you till moonlight fled and early sunlight touched the inside of my curtains. I know the flush on your face and and every the note of your bubbling laughter and the way your cheeks dimple when you smile like you were engraved into my skin
8 months of my life have been spent sailing blissful seas in this peace we call unconditional love
I’ve never touched you though your body crashes down on mine like waves when they reach the shore and yet I have touched you, built a home inside your heart the way you’ve built a home in mine
I touched you when we aligned the jagged edges of our fraying hearts together
Like the first strike of lightning in a thunderstorm, you are the electricity within my molecules, you are protons to my neutrons and electrons, balancing my equations with just the sound of my name leaving your lips. I cant touch metal without getting shocked
I’m shocked because I never knew I could love you this much
Never knew that you could spin me off my tilting axises and stabilize my twisting alterations bring calm to my internalized cataclysmic operations like a surgeon
My chest is a gaping chasm spanning into oblivion, my ribs the rafters over your head providing shelter and strength when yours fails
You’re like pandoras box but instead of letting out all the evils in the world when you’re opened you spill out infinite patience and adoration
You think the world of me and I know I’ve done nothing to deserve it but **** do I appreciate it,
I love you like dewdrops and grass love sunlight, like birds love the feeling of wind ruffling between their feathers
I love you like endless oceans of stars reaching towards forever, comprised of infinity and nebulas all twisting within my veins to create the single resonating song of your existence
Like we’d bumped into each other and mixed up our sheet music but somehow the two together made an even more beautiful noise than they did on their own
You are 11 hours away and in a month you’ll be even farther, I know you’re coming back  after the summer, continuing another year, 11 will be the number between our beds, the number of galaxies between my arms and yours, the amount of seconds I’ll have to wait when I see you before I scoop you into my arms
11 is the date of our monthly anniversaries and the number of times I’ll be kissing your lips to make sure you’re there when I hold you
11 is the number of times I’ll squeeze your hand, I’ll glance at you from the corner of my eyes, the number of stupid but silly jokes I crack to get you to smile, the number of beginnings and sonorous melodies
You are more mesmerizing than rainbows caused by moonlight, blue eyes deep as the vast void of space engulfing me in indigo flames, you shimmer like the scales of dragons and guppies, just as cute and magnificent,  
I wish I could paint constellations depicting your smile yet somehow I think even that would fail to do you the justice... No feat so great could profess my love as truly or as meaningful as sharing my heart with you,
There is no greater feeling of divinity than to whisper my devotion and have you know I mean it with every beat of my heart...
I could spend all of my weekends and weekdays awake with you till moonlight flees and sunlight touches the inside of my curtains

lawless utopia
*** and fruit
absent phobia
naked truth

pandoras box
chained in gold
broken clocks
uncontrolled

judgeless jesters
play in grass
childs pleasure
heart of glass

veiled in dreams
arts inspire
world supreme
caught on fire

-r0

You know I feel defined
whenever she's on my mind
walking down the way
you know I see a sign
everlasting love is all that I could find
sapphire eyes keep there gaze upon the time
for its only 99 days until your forever mine

open up your arms
like the mountains
all our secrets kept within
some place hidden
where only I can find
it takes 99 days
to search for the gold inside her mind
maybe you'll provide the key
and open up Pandoras box of dreams

open up the chest
let it flow through your veins
pretend the airplanes that you seek
are just shooting stars
the dreams you wish to attain
open up the chest
let it flow through your brain
let all that she's done
her disasters and gains
take over your soul
until you are unchained

I'm stalling
Trying to hold back the truth in all honesty,
Filling the empty air with...
What ever is within reach and light enough to throw
Trying to keep hold of your attention without revealing the intentions of my actions
I'm stalling,
Fumbling over my words like a quarterback getting sacked and hoping that you'll catch what I'm trying to say
What can I say?
Can't form the words without shattering the fabric of what ties our lives together

 a Wish...

See I've learned that if you sit silently when people ask you a question
 they wonder if you're paying attention.
Or if they make cents while your trying to register
what they're saying or if you're trying to change your mind
People don't see what's jumping around behind your eyes
They only see the stalling...
I'm stalling
Attempting to push back the deadline to the expiration date of this definite dead-end relationship
As I futilly to resurrect dead memories hoping that the ghost of what used to be will reanimate but in all honesty I have doubts.

A wish,
To fill the void where my love for them used to be
While emptying a Pandoras box of vexation  in a confined and constructed yet confusing confession...
this obsession with stalling sends me bouncing off walls hoping my actions will speak for my words,
I'm stalling.
Trying to push the bars of times prison cell hoping that the seconds will last a little longer than the last one,two,three,four.
Seconds
minutes
hours
days
weeks
months
years.
But eventually time will stop giving me passes on making the past an eventual future;
These stalls will complete their decay and die and I'm only hoping to die with them...
I'm hoping that I won't have to face the lies I've been hiding under my breath.

The truths I've hidden under my bed

The lies crawling from my lips

And the anger I've buried in my chest

It's scary what lengths man will go to hide the truth;
And I think I've gone too far.

The Darkness bares it's blackened teeth
consuming me
swollowimg me whole
into the belly of the beast,
naked truths
skinny dip within the stagnant
waters of my tears
laughing in inaudible silence
mocking me.
My fingers scrabble in the mildew of my existence
disturbing memories
from long forgotten shelves,
flesh thinly bound their broken spines
a voice says open me for I am hope
as I Pandoras surragate ******* child comply.
For here in the absence of light
is truth
leather bound...
held close to my breast my heart
a symbolic shield,
this promise could be anything from pornogrophy to poetry
but yet tonight
pulling the covers tight
it is my Bible
for yea though I walk in the valley of death
I will fear no evil, for thou art my rod and staff, thou comfort me...

as I Regain the paradise Milton once lost
when his eyes too blinded
saw the beauty of the Lord.