"overcompensation" poems

it has been over two years and i am proud of my growth. my main focus this year is to finish my grieving so that i may continue my life in an efficient manner. the process of grieving is commonly known as, but not limited to: denial anger bargaining depression acceptance my denial proces: many times the easiest way to get over trauma is to repress it. i was 15 when i was ra ped. legal age of consent is 16. he was 18. i was naive, and could not imagine the man i loved doing that to me. i believed that it was an accident and neither of us knew what was right or wrong. I had assumed that because i had previously given him my body, he was able to ignore my pleads to stop this time. i blamed myself more than i blamed him, and he blamed me. i had been so infatuated with him that i had pushed away the people who cared most about me. when i told them about being ***** our bond was already so far gone that they could not feel anything more than pitty. i was terrified of losing him, so i convinced us both it was an accident. ra pe is no accident. through denial became anger: i became genuinely angry for the first time in my life. i was angry at him for being somebody that i had trusted and loved. angry that i had let this happen to myself. angry that i had no strength nor respect to stand up for myself. if i had told him to stop one more time he would have. i understand now that i should not have had to say no more than once. i was angry because i let myself down, but I’m more angry that i could not blame him. being angry was the easiest part of grieving. it is okay to he angry. bargaining is a toxic healing method: i became really good at bargaining with myself. after he was gone i had begun to understand my emotions, but i could not control them. my fear of more being taken from me fed my overcompensation. i began to give my body away, so that it could not be taken. it was an unhealthy coping mechanism. my body is not meant to be given nor taken. depression hit hard: i began to reflect on all of the points in my life that had lead me to this one. i became close to restarting the grieving process. i spent a long portion of the depression stage in denial. then i was angry that i had backtracked to the beginning. i had more meaningless se x that i now regret more than anything. i saw how good his life had been going and how poorly mine was. it was obvious that i needed help. acceptance: this entire passage was my process to acceptance. i reached out to my therapist. i made new friends. i stopped wallowing in self pity and i began to recover. i stopped begging to forget my flaws and began to forgive them.

0

Jan 4, 2019

Jan 4, 2019 at 1:50 AM UTC

mildew

new years resolution

it has been over two years and i am proud of my growth. my main focus this year is to finish my grieving so that i may continue my life in an efficient manner. the process of grieving is commonly known as, but not limited to: denial anger bargaining depression acceptance my denial proces: many times the easiest way to get over trauma is to repress it. i was 15 when i was ra ped. legal age of consent is 16. he was 18. i was naive, and could not imagine the man i loved doing that to me. i believed that it was an accident and neither of us knew what was right or wrong. I had assumed that because i had previously given him my body, he was able to ignore my pleads to stop this time. i blamed myself more than i blamed him, and he blamed me. i had been so infatuated with him that i had pushed away the people who cared most about me. when i told them about being ***** our bond was already so far gone that they could not feel anything more than pitty. i was terrified of losing him, so i convinced us both it was an accident. ra pe is no accident. through denial became anger: i became genuinely angry for the first time in my life. i was angry at him for being somebody that i had trusted and loved. angry that i had let this happen to myself. angry that i had no strength nor respect to stand up for myself. if i had told him to stop one more time he would have. i understand now that i should not have had to say no more than once. i was angry because i let myself down, but I’m more angry that i could not blame him. being angry was the easiest part of grieving. it is okay to he angry. bargaining is a toxic healing method: i became really good at bargaining with myself. after he was gone i had begun to understand my emotions, but i could not control them. my fear of more being taken from me fed my overcompensation. i began to give my body away, so that it could not be taken. it was an unhealthy coping mechanism. my body is not meant to be given nor taken. depression hit hard: i began to reflect on all of the points in my life that had lead me to this one. i became close to restarting the grieving process. i spent a long portion of the depression stage in denial. then i was angry that i had backtracked to the beginning. i had more meaningless se x that i now regret more than anything. i saw how good his life had been going and how poorly mine was. it was obvious that i needed help. acceptance: this entire passage was my process to acceptance. i reached out to my therapist. i made new friends. i stopped wallowing in self pity and i began to recover. i stopped begging to forget my flaws and began to forgive them.

17

pain is too many exclamation points - some kind of overcompensation for the sober realization that we need to be happy, but aren't pain is burnt toast, but not in the good way; like the way that it sits on your tongue Makes your mouth taste like metal, makes your words feel like crumbs waiting to be swept away today, I laughed too much, so by 3 o' clock I had no smiles left in me They have gone like I have gone to sleep waiting for some alarm to sing to ring with something like hope something to cut the rope, the knots my stomach ties when I don't notice Pain is knowing that you know this will hurt and knowing is half the battle. But knowing is...half the battle The rest of the war is dealing with more exclamation points than you wanted more mornings without alarms more meals of only crumbs.

0

Nov 4, 2015

Nov 4, 2015 at 11:54 AM UTC

ayya

too many (!!)

pain is too many exclamation points - some kind of overcompensation for the sober realization that we need to be happy, but aren't pain is burnt toast, but not in the good way; like the way that it sits on your tongue Makes your mouth taste like metal, makes your words feel like crumbs waiting to be swept away today, I laughed too much, so by 3 o' clock I had no smiles left in me They have gone like I have gone to sleep waiting for some alarm to sing to ring with something like hope something to cut the rope, the knots my stomach ties when I don't notice Pain is knowing that you know this will hurt and knowing is half the battle. But knowing is...half the battle The rest of the war is dealing with more exclamation points than you wanted more mornings without alarms more meals of only crumbs.

23

This week has been very long so far Maybe because I mashed my head on Saturday, But Joe turned up to surprise his Ma, Would have bin rude not to share the MDMA. But what goes up has to come down, We had our fun, our chats, our tunes. On Sunday he was Nottingham bound Monday a pin-pricked balloon. Overcompensation followed I Frontlined the pets, took the cat to the vets, did the weekly shop, used the hoover and mop.......watched "The Waltons"........I made pies and mash, grieved for spent cash, looked for a job, tried not to open my gob..........watched "The Waltons"......I sorted the cupboards, mixed up my words, misheard repeatedly, had great thoughts ...fleetingly........watched "The Waltons" Finally Friday beckons invitedly, a time of unwinding. I can't believe that in the past I would have bin planning More pill taking excitedly.More fun and lights blinding But thank god I'm too old to be young ..... Must be soon Spring.

0

Feb 7, 2013

Feb 7, 2013 at 6:51 PM UTC

cyclamen-spark

The Visit

This week has been very long so far Maybe because I mashed my head on Saturday, But Joe turned up to surprise his Ma, Would have bin rude not to share the MDMA. But what goes up has to come down, We had our fun, our chats, our tunes. On Sunday he was Nottingham bound Monday a pin-pricked balloon. Overcompensation followed I Frontlined the pets, took the cat to the vets, did the weekly shop, used the hoover and mop.......watched "The Waltons"........I made pies and mash, grieved for spent cash, looked for a job, tried not to open my gob..........watched "The Waltons"......I sorted the cupboards, mixed up my words, misheard repeatedly, had great thoughts ...fleetingly........watched "The Waltons" Finally Friday beckons invitedly, a time of unwinding. I can't believe that in the past I would have bin planning More pill taking excitedly.More fun and lights blinding But thank god I'm too old to be young ..... Must be soon Spring.

14

integrity must've been a four-letter word seeing how you can only see syllables as you stole every last bit of sense that anyone around you ever heard of just to make some sense of your own honing the skill set for nothing in life but the simplicity of generalities overcompensation for the lack of love and loving the compensation all give unknowingly, robbed blind; now blinded shouting every four letter word they count for the actual lettering.

0

Apr 13, 2013

Apr 13, 2013 at 11:03 PM UTC

sal-gelles

four-letter words and five-finger discounts

integrity must've been a four-letter word seeing how you can only see syllables as you stole every last bit of sense that anyone around you ever heard of just to make some sense of your own honing the skill set for nothing in life but the simplicity of generalities overcompensation for the lack of love and loving the compensation all give unknowingly, robbed blind; now blinded shouting every four letter word they count for the actual lettering.

12

I am trapped between worlds where I am nothing and I am everything I am in pieces cornered by spirits I never knew existed in the sunny days of childhood Where I draw graves and fear the sound of a gun Where I do as I should but am told I am not enough Where the salt in my tears became a familiar taste Where I wish that my grades measured my worth because I had prefect grades but a flawed personality I am floating on a high of self appreciation but have I gone too far? have I turned into him? my empathy feels like overcompensation sincerity engulfs my actions have I turned into him?

0

May 3, 2016

May 3, 2016 at 10:30 PM UTC

jessi-fusilier

Adolescence

I am trapped between worlds where I am nothing and I am everything I am in pieces cornered by spirits I never knew existed in the sunny days of childhood Where I draw graves and fear the sound of a gun Where I do as I should but am told I am not enough Where the salt in my tears became a familiar taste Where I wish that my grades measured my worth because I had prefect grades but a flawed personality I am floating on a high of self appreciation but have I gone too far? have I turned into him? my empathy feels like overcompensation sincerity engulfs my actions have I turned into him?

17

I fell in love with glimpses, of images, of what you were... and what we could be. Glimpses that blinded me. I found myself looking behind, to try to find that one time, where I saw who you are. Without the mask, and costume, you’re convinced that you need to wear. Convinced by your beautiful soul, smile and hair. That they are not, and never would be enough. Overcompensation is your image. The reflection of perfection, in a flawed mirror. But those glimpses of purity, were purely and surely who you really are. But if you don’t know it, how could I? How could I see, and feel, and experience, the you that "you" run away from. So often, that it has to be bad for you, and tire you out. Why else would you run? Have you become so accustomed to feeling numb, that feeling anything else is feeling dumb? and weird? to seek out the flaws that make you unique? Flaws is the harshest word you’ve ever heard But the beauty I see in it, and you, are what keep me afloat during the stormier times. Times from stories we don’t tell to anyone, but remember as we lay awake at night. Left wondering which secret story it was, that sealed the deal. Like a brand new prescription, these glimpses of you give me hope, that this time will be different. I will pace myself, with this new addiction. Far from a joke, but who am I kidding? I’m the only one laughing, manic and panicked. Standing defeated, from believing I had it. The comfort in pain just waiting for you to shine on through; proves that if I’m not chasing her, and if I’m not chasing you, I’m running in place, in a race that I’ll lose. But losing you is not a loss, thats just our love and what it cost.

0

Apr 23, 2015

Apr 23, 2015 at 2:24 PM UTC

daniel-wetter

The Price of Love

I fell in love with glimpses, of images, of what you were... and what we could be. Glimpses that blinded me. I found myself looking behind, to try to find that one time, where I saw who you are. Without the mask, and costume, you’re convinced that you need to wear. Convinced by your beautiful soul, smile and hair. That they are not, and never would be enough. Overcompensation is your image. The reflection of perfection, in a flawed mirror. But those glimpses of purity, were purely and surely who you really are. But if you don’t know it, how could I? How could I see, and feel, and experience, the you that "you" run away from. So often, that it has to be bad for you, and tire you out. Why else would you run? Have you become so accustomed to feeling numb, that feeling anything else is feeling dumb? and weird? to seek out the flaws that make you unique? Flaws is the harshest word you’ve ever heard But the beauty I see in it, and you, are what keep me afloat during the stormier times. Times from stories we don’t tell to anyone, but remember as we lay awake at night. Left wondering which secret story it was, that sealed the deal. Like a brand new prescription, these glimpses of you give me hope, that this time will be different. I will pace myself, with this new addiction. Far from a joke, but who am I kidding? I’m the only one laughing, manic and panicked. Standing defeated, from believing I had it. The comfort in pain just waiting for you to shine on through; proves that if I’m not chasing her, and if I’m not chasing you, I’m running in place, in a race that I’ll lose. But losing you is not a loss, thats just our love and what it cost.

49

Solemnity foreshortened--the press of limbs...hence, the wide smile of the enacted. Our meeting ground shimmies toward an eternal density...as to alight the spiritual workload of its benefactors. A floating people, we...dead-stopped by the ends of our living. Lucidly signed away we progress our will...no intervention dissuades lesser or greater action/inaction. Something's come, a brazen head, revivified--its definitions alien and wide open...wide open. Eyes don reality as a membrane just to conceive it--as there are days when a flower of unspecified genus is a terrible offering. Our overcompensation precedes us...it is our passion anticipating itself. For once fire knows of itself, it is too settled to recall ash. As...he/she lit their bastion of faith without provocation.

0

Feb 13, 2015

Feb 13, 2015 at 10:30 AM UTC

Onoma

A Floating People, We

Solemnity foreshortened--the press of limbs...hence, the wide smile of the enacted. Our meeting ground shimmies toward an eternal density...as to alight the spiritual workload of its benefactors. A floating people, we...dead-stopped by the ends of our living. Lucidly signed away we progress our will...no intervention dissuades lesser or greater action/inaction. Something's come, a brazen head, revivified--its definitions alien and wide open...wide open. Eyes don reality as a membrane just to conceive it--as there are days when a flower of unspecified genus is a terrible offering. Our overcompensation precedes us...it is our passion anticipating itself. For once fire knows of itself, it is too settled to recall ash. As...he/she lit their bastion of faith without provocation.

26

I am scared of miscommunication taking away the elation of utopic conversation. I'm not afraid of emancipation, not on my toes for equality. I'm horrified by overcompensation. Our youth hardwires us into some basic identity, from then on we may choose.

0

Dec 24, 2014

Dec 24, 2014 at 5:47 PM UTC

Daan

Overcompensation

I am scared of miscommunication taking away the elation of utopic conversation. I'm not afraid of emancipation, not on my toes for equality. I'm horrified by overcompensation. Our youth hardwires us into some basic identity, from then on we may choose.

8

_________________________________________ Cruel is the new kind ___________________________________________ silken lies fall from my mouth a sickly sweetness that only overcompensation can bring and you swallow it all down, vanilla cherry icecream ssmoothies. ___________________________________________ a sweet tooth for white silk lies, wrap your self up head to toe in my illusion. ___________________________________________ you have my body but never my soul I promised it away aeons ago.

0

Jun 26, 2014

Jun 26, 2014 at 10:58 PM UTC

sylkie-smoothie

rough sylk.

_________________________________________ Cruel is the new kind ___________________________________________ silken lies fall from my mouth a sickly sweetness that only overcompensation can bring and you swallow it all down, vanilla cherry icecream ssmoothies. ___________________________________________ a sweet tooth for white silk lies, wrap your self up head to toe in my illusion. ___________________________________________ you have my body but never my soul I promised it away aeons ago.

13

It is essentially the worst thing I've ever felt A deep, swirling miasma of an emotion. It's nasty. Abandonment doesn't suit me, I've never taken to it well. This would be overcompensation. Dark, infuriated overcompensation. It's toddler-esque, I see that clearly, the feeling of *Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, m i n e* I am ashamed. And I can put it to rhyme, oh I can explain It's a violent beast, a stake of claim It's an unnoticed filth on my doorstep It's a dormant disease, unseen while it rests. But when it awakens, good lord, when it does It gnaws at everything, leaves nothing untouched It burns up the foundations, the walls, the floor For imagined slights, and leaves me thinking what for? It's an inferno. It's dark thoughts that demand attention. I lie and say I am fighting it; I've already let it win. It is white and unnerving, justified in it's own existence It is a force of it's own that defies all reason. And I could put it to rhyme if I truly wished to But why would I when it rips right through Every word I've ever attempted to use To represent it as I wish to.

0

Feb 4, 2016

Feb 4, 2016 at 12:35 PM UTC

QSaint

Possess

It is essentially the worst thing I've ever felt A deep, swirling miasma of an emotion. It's nasty. Abandonment doesn't suit me, I've never taken to it well. This would be overcompensation. Dark, infuriated overcompensation. It's toddler-esque, I see that clearly, the feeling of *Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, m i n e* I am ashamed. And I can put it to rhyme, oh I can explain It's a violent beast, a stake of claim It's an unnoticed filth on my doorstep It's a dormant disease, unseen while it rests. But when it awakens, good lord, when it does It gnaws at everything, leaves nothing untouched It burns up the foundations, the walls, the floor For imagined slights, and leaves me thinking what for? It's an inferno. It's dark thoughts that demand attention. I lie and say I am fighting it; I've already let it win. It is white and unnerving, justified in it's own existence It is a force of it's own that defies all reason. And I could put it to rhyme if I truly wished to But why would I when it rips right through Every word I've ever attempted to use To represent it as I wish to.

25

scared for your parenrs sanity can cause you to befriend insanity scared for your paeents safety, always debilitating, anxiety in waves scared for your parents future days depraved, begging for conditional praise scared for your parents demise everything knotted with bows of lies scared for your parents fallible memory overcompensation for grief yearn for any modicum of relief

0

Aug 7, 2020

Aug 7, 2020 at 11:41 AM UTC

manif3st

fear hold me near

scared for your parenrs sanity can cause you to befriend insanity scared for your paeents safety, always debilitating, anxiety in waves scared for your parents future days depraved, begging for conditional praise scared for your parents demise everything knotted with bows of lies scared for your parents fallible memory overcompensation for grief yearn for any modicum of relief

11

Self Feeding System Digesting Gestating Regurgitated Lies Insider Trading Atmospheric Tension BI-Polar Shift Entrenched IN THE Mire Builds Pressure TO Lift Engorging NO Purging THE Feeling IS Urging This Active Revolting Deep Sickness IS Surging Organic Inbreeding HER **** ARE Bleeding This Sickness IS Seeding Little Boys' Notion OF Self Possession Setting IN Motion HIS OWN Regression A Lack OF Self Assurity Convinced OF HIS OWN Purity Isolation Alienation A Nature OF Self Anihilation Muscular Overcompensation Dissociation AND NOW AN EGO IN Flames WAR OF THE Words Each Symbol Provoking AN Incantation That Summons Invokes Minds Conform TO Cradle AND Cradle AS ONE This Little BOY THE NEW Born SON 'I' Speak NOW Louder Than Words YOU'VE Paid THE Price TO Shepard THE Herds Mankinds Hubris MY Metal Skin Girds ALL Souls Strewn FOR Scavvenger Birds Souls Laid TO Rest FOR Scavenger Birds They Deify Knees Pressed TO THE Ground THE ******* OF Bale ' OF ******* Abound OF Deafening Lies Speaks A Deafening Sound Worship THE Power OF Little Boys Crown Worship THE Power OF Litle Boys Crown I Beat MY Chest I Beat YOU Down ALL Souls TO Rest Little Boys Come Around I Beat MY Chest I Beat YOU Down THE Heart OF THE SUN IN Little Boys Crown I Beat MY Chest I Beat YOU Down THE Finger OF GOD Never Touches THE Ground THE Finger OF GOD Never Touches THE Ground I Beat MY Chest I Beat YOU Down Souls Laid TO Rest Little Boys Come Around I Beat MY Chest I Beat YOU Down THE Heart OF THE SUN IN Little Boys Crown I Beat MY Chest I Beat YOU Down Souls Laid TO Rest Little Boys Come Around I Beat MY Chest I Beat YOU Down THE Heart OF THE SUN IN Little Boys Crown I Beat MY Chest I Beat YOU Down THE Finger OF GOD Never Touches THE Ground THE Finger OF GOD Never Touches THE Ground

0

Apr 24, 2021

Apr 24, 2021 at 11:07 PM UTC

you are the antagonist in my story. i do not expect you to understand this. i know that you will never be brave enough to admit; you're your father's son. 1. the phoenix flapped her wings and we were reborn. 2. when you met me you had a lifetime supply of love. 3. you bathed me, your hands so gentle. you stroked my hair and told me that i was beautiful. you promised to never hurt me. 4. overcompensation got the best of you and you wasted all of your love within a week. you burned up your ability to care, to be seen as soft and safe 5. you told that you thought i was a source of happiness, and let me watch as you pumped me dry. 6. you bathed me with cold water. soap slowly dripped down my face, into my eyes and filling my mouth. remember when you promised?

0

Feb 23, 2017

Feb 23, 2017 at 2:48 PM UTC

eris

January

you are the antagonist in my story. i do not expect you to understand this. i know that you will never be brave enough to admit; you're your father's son. 1. the phoenix flapped her wings and we were reborn. 2. when you met me you had a lifetime supply of love. 3. you bathed me, your hands so gentle. you stroked my hair and told me that i was beautiful. you promised to never hurt me. 4. overcompensation got the best of you and you wasted all of your love within a week. you burned up your ability to care, to be seen as soft and safe 5. you told that you thought i was a source of happiness, and let me watch as you pumped me dry. 6. you bathed me with cold water. soap slowly dripped down my face, into my eyes and filling my mouth. remember when you promised?

20

Who lives between the child and the man in the land of unfair dizziness where one is simply unable to rest running a gauntlet of tests in tortured times of terrible apprehension fabricated arrogance and insolence not-knowing and pretension overcompensation for frightful fear unknown he comes and goes thank christ

0

Jun 2, 2020

Jun 2, 2020 at 3:55 PM UTC

sean-hunt

The Time Between

Who lives between the child and the man in the land of unfair dizziness where one is simply unable to rest running a gauntlet of tests in tortured times of terrible apprehension fabricated arrogance and insolence not-knowing and pretension overcompensation for frightful fear unknown he comes and goes thank christ

17