Ole Hunchback
Got a right Royal burial;
That smiling villain's bones
Bleached black-blonde
In underground parking.
Exhumed and parlayed
For over two years;
Confirmed to be he
Who caused a Queen
To cry vats of tears
For the Tower boys.
Poor Anne dropped her hankie.
His horse-drawn caisson
Is a subterfuge,
A distraction to veil
Civil dissatisfaction.
He finally got his horse,
And we get the droppings.
And I see Cromwell
Standing beside Churhill
And Charles ouside
Westminster.
Perhaps Manson
Will be busted
In Poet's Corner.

Suddenly my body.
I stand on the floor
It's my home
For now it's my home
That's what we call it,
When words are used to speak
All those meanings we barely know
Where this floor is i stand,
My home.
But there's a body between us
In this world, my home, there's body between us,
Road fence and time between us
And a little grey but not in colour

I was built to live only this day
Not tomorrow or yesterday
And when i look look look
It seems like life lives his life in a tree
Because that's where i've found it all
Though who am i
The world fits into both these eyes only when it ever stops changing
But it
It will never

And maybe if then the world would recreate itself each day
And how could we ever know
In each day some theory could be truth
They all have in  common that it brought us here today.
No.
Nonono.
Only use the words that you can open into tunnels
(but only if you want to)

But where am i
Here
With the need to ecsape
Yes
First my body
I wished it
I wished
Only if the cage were made harder on the ouside rather than the inside
Then i might not be moulded
Pressed into corners and outer edges

First my body
Escape escape escape

Then find me someplace
Oh wow never have i written words like this way now
they are just like
They are like like my feet walking and they take me
Do i have to think to step
No i do not,
Only sometimes,
Now, see?
Words like foot steps on this day.
My feet keep shaking now.

Because there i am
Listen,
Leaving the world
I see this blue arch
That each day the sun kisses.
And at least one thousand faces only
I feel them smiling
And of course there are birds
Soundless ones
If my pupils might draw lines into the sky as they followed
They might leave trails there like a plane
Carry all those lives i will never  know
(just as the world does)

So i kept breathing
The world
And the world was hard to breathe
Like it was made for someone else.

To the mirror and the window
I almost searched
I don't know where i find this person,
Me.
Where did i see them more.

Find a safe space
Hibernate.
When my body runs, barely moving
And the voice runs along there beside it
(somehow i fall behind the world)
Tells me "i need a place, i need a place, to hide, my very own place"
Then it needs a place
Place to hide
You can see there
In the pace
Pacing
On ground when it's too real on my feet and so
Breathing and stepping.
When my eyes are hard lakes and the tears grow around.
Talking talking to myself

Oh wow oh wow oh wow
A den a den a den
A space
My place
Place of my own and escape
Oh wow.
Hibernate.
The smallest place to find some space.

There,
i find a need that's mine
Growing in me
Give me space, but none to move

My guitar my blanket the headboard of my bed,
They tell it to me nicely,
(a gentle falling)
But they won't hold me until.
And they won't find
The softer beating to put into this heart space
Smoother air to feel in this mouth

But cushions and cushions
Cushions
Every single one in this whole room
Scarf pillow and duvet
Piled in books and books
Only these lights could glow somehow like a fire
Little place i find myself

Keep me safe from my own self
But more so
More so i'm sorry
keep me safe from their every kindness.

Little hidden place
Walls of comfort
Holds me even like this body
Till this body shook and shook
Tills the hands that grip it together
slipped apart
and they slip
Till i slip through the fingers
Of the words and sounds that are me
But now here's a body.

I think my back
the bone
Backbone won't hold me up alone.

But there it is i'm not
I'm not like a flag on a flag pole

Some ribbon maybe
Like a ribbon piece
I see a willow fence
Green and life
A ribbon moves there
And tied on a willow fence
Am i a ribbon or like a handwritten wish
I dont know

I can't feel the wind.
But the wind
This thing with the wind
It's told me things about myself
But reallly
what i look for
I don't look, i don't look
And if i lose my eyes
i will see sunlight still
And where it moves
on my arms and on my legs.

Shivering and shivering
I do shiver
I do dedicate my life to living
But little
Little place,

Curled and curled
and curled into myself until hardly a thing,
Can i lose my eyes here
But could i sleep and sleep and sleep in this body
And in every space around it
until i find i am awake.

you know what i'm thinking about, now.
it was too hot outside to do much of anything,
and my car was on low fuel anyway.
[but i bet you didn't know that.]

and i hadn't slept the night before,
and i was ready to tell you that i...
i simply couldn't do this anymore.
but i knew how you felt about running away.

so i stayed, *******, i stayed.
and we ate ice cream with our fingertips,
and never spoke aloud what we felt as we did it.
has silence ever spoken so loud, bbluv?

and in fragments i remember our movie,
and the whole time i wanted to be closer.
so i sat on the floor, and you in your chair,
and wondered if you even noticed me there.

and then i remember hours and hours of night,
being irresponsible and [occasionally] flirty.
but we had to get up in the morning,
so we tried to stop our endless flow of words.

and i remember calling you after i wrecked my world,
and i paced around the house in my barefeet,
and whispered what happened, what i was afraid of.
i remember you mentioning my drunk texts, too.

and yes, i remember slurpees and wasting time inside.
not because it was hot ouside,
but because i just didn't want to leave.
i didn't get anything else done that day.

and i remember the feel of your bed, your pillow,
so different from the couch i had been sleeping on.
and i remember this look in your eyes, and i...
didn't know what it meant, at the time.

and, you know, i wish you weren't sorry.
for driving me away, i mean. that's okay.
but the way you did it tore me apart.
i'll be way too honest here and say it changed me.

i kept waiting for it to hit me,
day after day after ******* day.
you weren't coming back, not ever.
but still i waited, and still i wait.

and then, at the show, there was nothing.
i don't even know if you noticed me.
and that hurt me more than anything.
but i know i liked that your shirt was different.

and i also know i could understand.
because you said that last time,
and i got it, didn't i? i got it.
so don't tell me i won't. just don't.

tell me you miss our slurpees,
and you miss sweating by your pool,
just to delay my leaving a little bit.
even if it meant our legs got soaked.

and then you have to tell me this:
you don't want anything back, and
you don't want anymore late nights,
and you don't want anymore desperate phone calls.

and then i'll let it alone, and be okay.
and i can say this honestly.
because i know you, and i know...
it simply won't happen that way.

"but we both know this won't happen.
because i don't know goodbyes,
and i don't know severed ties."
i know you don't, so stop pretending you do.

you know, you're wrong about something.
you're excellent at leaving. you just **** at staying away.
but is that because, maybe,
you don't want to stay away from me?

so embrace october,
november, and december.
we'll exchange pumpkin pictures,
and costumes too.

we'll send pictures of thanksgiving,
and complain later we ate too much.
and we'll send anonymous presents,
and detail our new year's eve.

and then, what do you know?
we'll have come full circle.
and maybe, just maybe,
this will be yet another year of snow.

Left on my own
Wanted by no-one
Left to my devices
Free to roam
People trap you in
Like a prison cell
Must please them
Be all surface
No feeling
Rather be all feeling
No surface
Must be free
Escape thsi prison cell
Loneliness is the key
Be alone
Then you are free
I am free
But ouside
An outsider
Excluded from humanity
Now truly alone
Did not want this
It all went wrong
Nothing else left
Must fade from view
Fade from others memories
Die  in exclusion
Die hidden from view
As no body loved me
Truly alone
That is the prison cell
There is no escape

Instinctively, I always knew
you were meant for me, and I you
the way you touched me,
looked at me, into me  
the way your hands melded into mine

In those very first moments
when our eyes first met
it was like an awakening
of two lost souls
finally at peace with their place

Amazing, how suddenly loves embrace
wraps itelf around us
cacooning us from the ouside world
and for just a few short years
we became one.

I can't wait to get out of here
To step ouside, smelling cool city air
I need to get away
Suburbia's a place i'd hate to stay
I know this isn't where I belong
So to the trees and sidewalks I say "so long"
I'd rather be in the city bustling
Than watch the evergreen tree rustling
I understand I call this place home
But then why do I feel like I'm so alone?

Bryan,
The only boy
Who had me cryin'
Tears of joy.

The only man
Who took the time
To understand
My complex mind.

The only guy
Who looked at me
From the inside out
Not the ouside in.

Bryan,
I'm sorry for lyin'
And leaving you behind
When you were nothing but kind
To a selfish girl like me
Our love was a bittersweet tragedy.

(6/13/13)

LIVE TO LOVE, AND LOVE   TO LIVE
GIVE ALL THAT YOU CAN GIVE
WE ARE HERE BUT ONCE IN OUR LIFE TIME
AND EVERYONE MUST LEAVE A PART OF THEMSELVES
TO SHOW THE PLACE THAT THEY DID DWELL.

A KIND WORD, A THOUGHTFUL DEED.
IS ALL THAT THEY MAY NEED?
TO HOLD THEIR HAND AND CONSOLE THEM
IN THEIR HOURS OF NEED, IS WHEN YOU PLANT
YOUR GENEROUS SEED.

YOU MAY BE THE EARTH ANGEL THAT THEY HAVE
WAITED FOR TO LEAD THEM ON THEIR WAY
AND FOR THEM -YOU ARE THE ANGEL FOR WHICH THEY PRAYED.

WE ARE BUT A DOT! AND EACH DOT TOUCHES ANOTHER DOT
TO CREATE THE “CIRCLE OF LIFE”
NO ONE DOT CAN SURVIVE BY ITSELF- BUT AS PART
OF A MUTITUDE OF DOTS, IT BECOMES AN UNBREAKABLE CHAIN.
FOR NO ONE LINK IS STRONGER OR WEAKER THAN ANOTHER

IN SOME WAYS WE ARE LIKE A BALL – WE ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES
AND WE TEND TO BOUNCE BACK, BUT UNLIKE A BALL THAT IS WHOLE
ON THE OUSIDE, WE ARE NOT EMPTY ON THE INSIDE.
THIS BALL OF OURS HOLDS OUR HOPES AND DREAMS
OUR WANTS AND NEEDS -AND ALL THE EMOTIONS ON WHICH WE FEED.
JUST LIKE THE BALL, WE ARE HIT, KICKED, SLAMMED, AND DUNKED
BUT WE ARE STILL STRONG AND RESILLIENT.

LET US STRENGTHEN THIS “CIRCLE OF LIFE”
THIS BALL AND CHAIN, SO THAT IT WILL FOREVER REMAIN THE SAME.

It's out there
Or maybe it's in here already
Waiting on a door handle
In a hello
In the air I breathe
I breathe
That is my right
I will breathe if I want to.
Except it doesn't know patience
It doesn't know anything
It doesn't have anything
But the need to exist
And if it kills me
Or itself, it will just shrug.
The worst kind of enemy.
So I take it back to a room
With curtains and a bed
I am allowed that much
And bread and water
Left by someone ouside my door
I hear their feet hurrying away
The world is moving away from me.
And all night and the next day
For as long as it takes
My hands will be around its throat
And its around mine
As we stare into each others' bulging eyes
Me, remembering life
It, trying to imagine survival
And suddenly it does know something
That I am all it's got.
And in the morning
Shapes file quietly into the room
And I start to recognize faces.
They prise my fingers away
From around the rotting corpse's neck
Then kick it under the bed
You did it, they say.
You won.
This time.

He was lowered in the water
as the son of man
And when he was raised up
It was as the Son of God
All man on the ouside
All Godly from within
He is the link
from one side
to the other end