it's like the ocean is bringing me in sadness
in the car otw to risk myself
feeling a tint of sadness while being tipsy
it's me that decides
don't know how it will turn out
worst or whatever

2019

"Don't be silly."
"I was joking."
"Yeah you joke about that for what now, 3 years?!"

Yeah.
I've wished for this stupid thing for 3 years in a row.
It's just......easier, i think.
Rather than wishing that he'd come back,
i knew it wouldn't be the same.
I don't know if I could forgive him even if he actually shows up in front of me one day.

"It's because of him, isn't it?"

I stood there in silence.
It's not that I'm surprised of the question, but there's just nothing can come out of my mouth.

"Oh who cares, it's your birthday today. Let's just cut the cake already. I'm hungry!"

Now this is why you have to thank your other friend who's really good at breaking ice in this type of situation. To distract the cold air in the room.

"Leave me some. I have takeouts but I'm gonna want the cake."
"Sure, we'll leave you half of it."

Not more than 20 minutes later, they left.
Considering our houses are around an hour drive from each other, it's pretty late now since we all still have work the next day.


Around 15 minutes went by, one of them texts me.
"Hey I accidentally bring your stuff with me, otw back to return it. Sorry."

No big deal.
So i text back,
"Sure, it's fine. Just knock when you get here."

While waiting, I look around for 'the stuff' in the living room, but I can't find anything that's missing.
Maybe it's something in the bathroom? Bedroom? I don't know how long they've been here before I came home,
and what other room in this house that they used, I said to myself.
Since i'm already tired and sleepy, and it's late, i decide to just lay down on the couch to rest for a while.
But I figure if i lay down then I'll go straight to sleep in seconds, so well I just sit straight I guess.


Then there's a knock, and I immediately jumped from my couch straight to the door.
Usually, I will still take a second to look from the peephole, but who else could it be.

So I unlock the door, turn the ****, and swing the door open without hesitance.
.
.
.
and it's probably one of the worst decision to not peek from my peephole today.



"Um....hey.
Happy birthday."

I don't know if this is the sugar rush that the cake gave me,
or i'm just really tired and sleepy,
or if this is a dream.


I tried to move my hand to slap myself, they say do that if you're uncertain whether you're in a dream or reality.

If it hurts, then it's real.
But I can't move my hand, or my feet, or anything right at this moment.
But one thing's for sure,
it does hurt.
My heart hurts,
that's how I know it's real.


And the only one who can give me this much of a pain,

is him.

They exist in two opposite worlds like how different day and night, relatively

She lives and wakes up on Twitter
while he lives on Facebook

they quit both accounts in the end, though.

She leaves at 4AM
and he leaves at night.

Although they both experience the everyday same and insane traffic jams,

she passes Taft Avenue
but he passes EDSA,

like how LRT 1 and MRT are of different paths

( and his only chance of getting bumped into her is the crossing in-between Taft Ave Station and Pasay Station, when her going-homes intersect with his OTW's, but still not because chances are always a little late).

While he likes the Greens, if you know what i mean, jah man!
and he's blabbering crap masquerading as a Business English
she likes shaping young souls of a Green University.
She owns the mind of a brilliant wise woman and the kindest heart of all-- an old soul.

it's like how different Heaven and Earth
and like how different convenience stores and coffee shops
concrete jungles vs. campus quadrangles
like pen and paper and computer keyboards

wondering if they both cross each other's mind
in the end, they're too far away to meet half-way

- jel