Ink on paper is not enough
Neither will articulation
I'd end up making everything minuscule
Showing only a glimpse of my true colours
In fear of you noticing how am really feeling
But in this very moment I could care less
If a stranger asked I would let it all out
How you and yours broke me
I thought you were different though
Doubted it still
But believed it yet
Unlike theirs yours was a slow snithe
Nearly harmless and mild from afar but
Brutal and heart throbbing up close
Most of them meant nothing to me
You meant everything to me
From their unfarthomable cruelty I got stony broke
But yours' sin is of ommission
Those words you forgot to say
The actions you held back
Though you didn't do anything
The pain surpases that of a wrist slit open from one end to the next
It goes deeper than that of an up close bullet shot from a .44 calibre
I feel it stronger than the breaking of a pure ******
I know how it feels not
But I swear
Labour pains got nothing on this feeling
I remember the first time I got broken
I was only a little girl
It didn't hurt much then
I didn't understand much anyway
And I loved him not
Another stranger came sometime after
I wasn't that broken then
He picked the largest intact piece
Shoke me till I choked
On my guts
He let go and I dropped
And yet again I broke
3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th time
They kept coming
And everytime
I was left in more pieces than the last
And everytime the pieces got smaller and smaller
Around the time I met you,
They were invisible to the naked eye
You probably don't know this
But you put them together
I wasn't picture perfect
But atleast I had all of me in one place
In total silence and reservation
I watched you
You loved me right
Queen status you gave me
Like I was a priceless pearl you would look at me
Held me with reverence beyond that of a glass
With a passion so strong you'd kiss my forehead
Aligned all you words in perfect motion always,
Always careful not to touch me otherwise
I should have suspected then
No one is that perfect
Yet still
I doubted you not
I really have no one to blame
It was I who gave you my hand
I openend my heart
All of my trust I gave you
Closed all pores for dissapointment
Blinded both eyes
You led me on
And like a fool I followed
As if that wasn't enough
At the very end I gave you a knife
A weapon for my own destruction
And with my hands I covered yours,
Carefully aligned my left breast
Looked deep into your eyes
Slowly we directed the knife straight into my heart
I hugged you tight
Pushed myself straight into your hands
So we be careful not to miss
Yet still
I don't want to believe you Azrael
I still hope that you be Michael
If you broke me yet again
Am afraid it will be my last
I look around and I see your kind
Huge teethed monsters
Read to gnash
Anticipating anacondas
Ready to swallow
Humongous dinosaurs
Ready to crush
Then I stare back at you
I know yall are one kind but
Still I hope
That your kindness be kinder
Though you take their form sometimes
Other times you are good
A bitter sweet irony
Its like constantly going back to an abusive lover
The pain yet the familiarity
I really don't know which you is going to win
Ultimately
The bad or the good?
But I pray it happen soon
Because my hope has reached just the end
And am that kinda person
Most patient
But when I decide finally to care not,
The blink of an eye
Is a duration ample
