The Book of sad
1
A trail of dust with a foreseeable end, a hidden lust without an agreeable trend. The thorns of her have left larger holes that I thought no one could ever scold. What really left in me is left in her too an actual want that's left forgotten about until a later date. --------
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The rugged owl emits the loneliest howl
The deepest roots that touch but never meet
The wisest seed rolls down the oldest tree
The waters toss and makes rocks moss
The bullet of a forgotten hunter
The footprints of the great confronter
The deep cave cave with endless bowels
The largest fruit without any treat
The highest speeds of the winds that will never be
The bridges still cross as the seasons begin to moss.
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The copacetic cliffside corroded by the rain
The old oak cabin with a great wood stain
A monstrous thistle hidden away
A marvelous crystal deep in a cave
____
The hardest part about leaving won't be the place that I miss, but it's the friends that I've met.
______
But, no one knows
where our secrets go
2
And I laid in shower letting the water and dirt run off of me. I closed my eyes and saw nothing, I thought nothing, and there was something soothing about that nothingness. The hours of sleep wasted of the past mocked me and laughed at what I've done. I saw nothing, I heard nothing, and I thought of nothing. There was no pain, there was no dread but there was a certain calmness in the void of silence. I opened my eyes and saw the tiles and I realized how cold I was and wished I had never opened my eyes.
3
There's something soothing about knowing the truth even though how painful it is. Coming to terms will always be hard, but never knowing the outcome of something will always be harder. We might even never see each other again, but it's the knowledge of what's there but too far away from you to grow a sense of relief comes into me. I'll always love you, I'll love the picture of you, I'll love the inner struggles of you, and I'll love the memory of you but I know the difference of what's there and what's passed. I'll never forget about what short time we had and how great it was, and the sheer mutual excitement that was in between us. I've grown away and you have too, but what'll always stick with me is the memory of you.
4
And I forgot got to see a you and me. Even though we hide the shame in our names, we'll never quite feel the same. And I can't see you with anyone, anyone that's not me. But I guess that's just the emptiness without a name. --++ And I miss your hair and I wish you cared. But I wish we could share, with just one last second to spare.
5
You'll always wonder about others. You wonder why people hang out with you and why people put up with you. Do they just talk about you differently when you're not around? Or, do they not talk about you at all? The hardest thing to do by yourself is to point out your own flaws. But, the hardest part of it all is that you don't know all of your flaws while your friends do. Why did they assume that you didn't want to come? Is it because you truly are a miserable *******? Or, is it one of those flaws that's unknown to you, but common knowledge for others? Excuses are easy to make but hard to pull off, especially to your friends. Do people see the person they want to see or the cold shell of a person you've become? Do they see that shaky, anxious mind that's shut off from everyone or the person you're supposed to be?
6
Into the hearts
Deep abyss
Our love shone, and shone
But our love was never grown
Left in wonder without end
We always ended just friends
Ends, ends,
just loose ends
And I ascend without popular trends
my mind bends and our love will never begin.
My heart burns, my mind yearns
For the love that will never turn
A love that's never ripe,
A love that's never right.
7
And it hurts every time just a little more. Everything in me hates it but maybe I'll never find a way to stop it. Nothing heals and nothing feels different; an emotional scab never heals if picked at constantly. I'm looking for a doctor, someone to talk to for hours at a time. My search will never end. My view of the world is changing and everything feels withered. It feels like the howling of the wind is the only voice that understands me. The wind has no choice but to like me.
8
I want I out. Free of the plain and bored of the same. I want to go places, experience new things, and I want change. Boredom always evolves into sadness. I’m tired of seeing everyone out in different places experiencing more life while I'm still at home doing nothing. And I'm gonna add more in because I’m up and I'm here to be sad and angry. I hate how every girl wants to be with the rudest guy. You'll always here about the worst people now and never about the good guys ever. Nothing's alright, nothing is fine, and everything hurts. Everyone I talk to always has some sort of sharp edge that I always bump right into. And hey girls, here's a tip. If any guy quotes rap songs on their stories they aren't inspirational or 'chill' it just means they're idiots that always end up hurting you in some way. And hey guys, why do you treat the nicest people like absolute trash? I just had a nice look into the mirror for a good few minutes and really reflected on myself too. Why do I let everything go away from me so fast? Missed opportunity haunts me.
9
And I've ascended, I've become 'that guy.' I've hurt people with the most painful weapon known to man, truth. Truth is wanted and sought after by many, but hurts you in so many ways. I gave you the truth, I gave you my heart. You and I will never be one, and what's sought after is never won. And I've learned to lower my standards to a lower low and keep my words to myself. The world is full of pain and I should know because I am the world. A world no one will ever love back, a world that will never belong to anybody. Free of the cold shackles of love but never flies away like a caged dove. I don't understand how any of it works and I never will.
10
Everytime it seems I get hurt. The scars that don't heal are never treated and it seems the best people in life are always retreated. The scorched embers in my heart are never enough to start this fire alone. Lonely is my middle name and this land doesn't same anymore. The shifting sands feel so bland and the humid air I can't stand. It's a struggle to breathe but, to think of leaving it all makes me relieved in a way. I want a change in all the pain but I'll just never feel the same.
11
I wish something would spark between us but this is some dull steel
-
Sometimes the best things are hidden right In front of you staring at you in your face. But too often we seek the hidden instead of the obvious
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The feeling I have is familiar and I don't like it. The feeling of liking someone but knowing it's never gonna be mutual. Knowing you want better for her is the part that hurts you the most because you want to take them out of the continuous cycle of being hurt by someone and left for another guy over and over. What you want is real and the way you feel is painful. But at the end of the day, you get rejected and just have to act fine with it all. You wish, you wish, but never receive.
12
Everything eventually fades to black no matter what it is our graves will always be the same size.
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The smile hides it all I guess. People always assume you're too rad to be sad but really it's the other way around
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Something about it all just seems surreal. I've just never thought any of this would ever happen to me. Losing something is easy, but gaining what's lost is harder.
13
We all initially act okay about it, but you know how you feel and I know how I feel. But,
people change and if I know that, I will eventually change too. The sadness of the past is always addictive to linger on and the thoughts of what we could have been are unbearable. Your deathly black hair as strangled the expectations of my heart and your nails are still buried deep past my skin. In a way, even though you’ve prospered without me I can still feel you. You’ve tailored yourself to forget about this all but you know this was no mistake. And I know we’ll rarely if ever, see each other, but we both will forever know what we wanted and what was done. Although I never truly got to have you, we both know how we’re made for each other and we’ll always be hurt by that. I love you but I know this melancholy wall between us will never come down.
14
I have become the physical embodiment of sadness. I have become the so emotionally hurt by myself that I’ve given up the last of myself to the non-temporary aspects of life. I’ve been stabbed relentlessly by everything physical and nonphysical to the point of feeling physically ill with myself. I swallow all of my screams, I hold back all of your tears, and I never thought someone could feel this broken. I’ve been lost to myself, and I’ve been lost to the world’s loudness, but I never thought I would see myself get lost to people. I don’t blame any of you for not liking me, honestly.
Originally written for the Instagram page Sagerbaf33
