"nomkhumbulwa" poems
ESKOM
Where do I start?
Writing this by candle light;
Yet today we are lucky,
Load shedding came early
The system is done,
Its broken, corrupt,
Time after time,
Excuses one after the next
Us we are lucky,
In some ways anyhow;
For we have a few means
To keep warm for now
Others are not,
In fact most are not,
They suffer, they die,
But ESKOM - care they do not
Yes it was once ok,
to be totally without,
But once electricity is introduced,
Its difficult to go without
Those who have the means
Have done what they can,
Generators, gas, solar,
Options are endless, but only if you can
To most the expense is impossible,
Of course we want solar,
We want clean energy,
Just like we collect rain water
Its nothing new,
Its now been decades,
Leaving people to suffer,
ESKOM one problem after another
Winter after winter
Just when its needed most,
ESKOM takes it away,
Light, warmth, taken away
People light fires with paraffin,
Then bring them indoors,
Just to keep warm,
In the morning they dont wake up at all
Where is investment in alternatives?
For ESKOM cannot go on,
As one of my cousins said -
The grid is often more off than on
I cannot complain,
Not for myself anyway;
I choose to live here
I'll do things my own way
But I do see suffering
Knowing a long winter is ahead,
With an overburdened health system,
Knowing every winter leaves people dead
How much longer will it take?
For ESKOM to finally close,
To open doors for others,
Its time to get rid of the coal
In a Country basking in sunshine
nearly every day of the year,
The lack of solar power is saddening,
And shameful, but ESKOM doesnt care
Yes we have fire,
But we also have rain,
Those two dont mix,
Cannot cook on fire in the rain
The saddest things is this,
That ESKOM just dont care;
Lives dont matter to ESKOM,
Anyway - they have their share
The few that can make do,
They can afford to.
So everyone else is forgotten,
Nearly 80 percent of the population
Its cold, its wet,
We cannot light fire,
If we do its outside,
Buildings no longer designed for fire
How much longer ESKOM?
Will you allow people to suffer?
Will you eat all the money?
Will you do this to South Africa??
We all hope for a brighter future; quite literally...."brighter" .. :)
Nomkhumbulwa **
May 21, 2022
May 21, 2022 at 12:13 PM UTC
I am sorry mum
for everything,
For who I am,
For what i've done.
I am sorry mum,
For everything,
For what im not,
What I havent done.
I am sorry mum,
For staying away,
For being with friends,
For being far away.
I am sorry mum,
That I am ugly,
For what I wear,
For the state of my hair.
I am sorry mum,
That my opinions are wrong,
That I spoke without asking,
For the things that I know.
I am sorry mum,
That you think I dont care,
That I have upset the family,
That they never wanted me there.
I am sorry mum,
That you couldnt love me,
That I wasnt normal,
That other people like me.
I am sorry mum,
That I have expressed things,
That I have dropped things,
Caused a mess in your home.
I am sorry mum
That I wanted to study,
That I liked being outside,
And that I looked untidy.
I am sorry mum,
That Im an embarrassment,
Have caused so much shame,
And that I cause you pain.
I am sorry mum,
That im always a disappointment,
Showed you my photos of Africa,
I know now that I shouldnt.
I am sorry mum,
That I didnt have the right friends,
That I didnt wear enough make-up,
That I read about Science, not fame.
I am sorry mum,
For being vegetarian,
For picking out bits of meat,
In front of everyone.
I am sorry mum,
For when I didnt know what i'd done,
And you had to stand on my foot,
Or pinch me hard on my arm.
I am sorry mum,
For going walking,
For not doing house work instead,
Or finding something else to be done.
I am sorry mum,
For my work with charities,
For my love for Africa,
For feeling there so free.
I am sorry mum,
For having weird phobias,
And letting you down,
By mentioning it to others.
I am sorry mum,
That I struggle with Maths,
For being dyscalculaic,
I know this is bad.
I am sorry mum
For causing you sickness,
And for not being there,
I know it looks like I dont care.
I am sorry mum
For upsetting others,
Being the cause of all problems,
And hurting my brother.
I am sorry mum,
For my choice of work,
For the places i've been to,
For not always putting you first.
I am sorry mum,
That I made you so angry,
You had to hit me in the face,
And I made you go to bed unhappy.
I am sorry mum,
That I was quiet in school,
That Claire was my best friend,
That we were both quiet in school.
I am sorry mum,
That I chose Scotland,
For moving far away,
It cannot be forgiven.
I am sorry mum,
For my musical instruments,
I know I dont play them well,
That I gave you a headache instead.
I am sorry mum,
That I played the violin,
At my brothers wedding,
For you- ruining everything.
I am sorry mum,
That i;ve never been good enough,
That I always let you down,
I am just never good enough.
I am sorry mum,
For speaking about family,
For letting you down again,
And the family.
I am sorry mum
That I struggled so much,
You had to put chilli in my mouth,
As I couldnt do my homework.
I am sorry mum,
That I went "home"
That I let the **** happen,
That I spoiled your "name".
I am sorry mum,
That I do not love you,
I have cursed myself and tried,
But I cannot love you.
But I still hear your voice,
And it tortures me still,
And the thought of your anger,
Still gives me chills.
I am so sorry mum,
That I am a failure,
But I am no longer "Emma"...
...I am "Nomkhumbulwa"....
Jan 6, 2019
Jan 6, 2019 at 8:24 PM UTC
I was beginning to know who I am,
Or so I thought until now;
But now im thinking again
…..do I really know who I am?
I thought myself a good person,
Though this thought comes and goes;
But now im not so certain
Am I someone you should know?
I feel like im under performing,
Stupid, and over reacting;
As Coronavirus reached our shores
Perhaps everyone is over reacting
I look on at the rest of the world,
Most Countries affected 1st world;
For South Africa the danger is greater,
Yet others say we’re not in the world…
Do they now understand?
Or is it me being pathetic?
Im not mocking these countries
I know life must be hectic
But is it wrong to be worried?
Although our case load is small,
For with a huge *** burden
The case load surely wont stay small
Here people struggle each day,
The economy fails more and more;
Yet we need to pick up the pieces
We need to do this for all
This is not a time to be greedy,
Solidarity and compassion a must,
There wasn't any money before…..
But now finding it is a must…
Though numbers are low right now,
200 overnight to 750,
With densely populated areas of deep poverty
The spread must be contained immediately
Yes, the measures we’re taking are drastic,
But the worry and fear is real,
If this should enter our townships
Its too late…too many will fall ill
Our poor rural people are vulnerable
The mass communication campaign not accessible
What will happen to these people?
To forget about them is just cruel
I dont think its a time for mocking
Or laughing at us here in SA;
For if we don't act, the risk is far greater,
affecting millions, more than the UK
Sometimes I look forward to isolation
But not from the people here,
Rather from the ignorance online,
To help me keep things clear
No one even sees im stuck here,
Not that I wish to leave;
But just knowing people are unaware
…of the disruption here by this disease…
I have faith in the Country to act,
They have witnessed mistakes made by others,
Yet never once did we mock them
For these are people- our sisters and brothers
I care deeply for this country,
So distance myself I may;
From the cruel internet entirely,
….Thats all I have to say…
……………………..Nomkhumbulwa
Mar 26, 2020
Mar 26, 2020 at 7:53 PM UTC
It doesn't come as a surprise,
Of course life’s always a struggle;
But with Coronavirus too,
The struggle is only more real.
Suffering is not new,
Nor hunger, or poverty;
Yet more than ever
People now see the reality.
Coronavirus not the biggest risk,
yet its presence here is still deadly;
With an Economy crumbling to pieces,
We all wonder what will happen to this Country?
Though numbers are low,
Compared to the first World,
Collateral damage is devastating,
With the lockdown, the situation deteriorating.
We sit here, we wait,
Watch the news at nine,
For its impossible here
To be online all the time.
Some people are scared,
Some people don't care;
Or perhaps its more a case
Of being used to living in fear.
Queues are miles long,
Yet these people are lucky;
For many there is now dire hunger,
Food parcels not reaching the poor.
The Government is doing its best,
To limit the effects of this virus,
On the health of society,
But perhaps more, on the dying economy.
Inequalities are not new,
But now they are stark and real;
The rich minority at relative ease,
The rest of the Country diseased…
People die here all the time,
The health system stretched as it is;
So how do we tell these people,
They need to go hungry to live?
With untreated disease already a burden,
Coronavirus alone is not such a risk;
But what it does do
Is creates yet more poverty and sick.
People are trying to understand
What is happening in the World;
But for most the World is far…
That World is now affecting this World…
For us, neither rich or poor,
A rare case of “in the middle;,
We are able to grow vegetables,
Write music, get to the clinic.
We also watch in horror
At those suffering now even more,
For those in informal settlements,
Social distancing is just not possible.
People are going without,
Trying to live on one meal a day;
Or going to bed hungry,
Feeding their children instead, as they continue to pray.
People here live day by day,
Earning just enough to buy bread;
With this now taken away,
They’re desperate, and some are dead.
Not due to this virus,
But death still continues;
Beaten to death by the Army,
At home, with their families….
The situation here is dire,
This Country far from developed;
The poverty, the hunger, the desperate,
No water in taps in some districts.
The situation here is dire,
I cannot lie or pretend it’ll all be fine;
people are suffering all around me
And yet all I can do is …..stay at home.
I sit here writing this helpless,
Able to teach, if it was possible for those to learn;
I feel the desperation of parents,
Education in this land must go on.
But as for now
We are either “stopped in time”, or desperate;
How the schools will eventually cope
Is anyones guess.
People need food,
People need school,
people need help,
But…..people have not lost hope.
As for myself
I write, and I plan some more;
Hoping that one day soon,
I’ll be able to help a lot more….
……Nomkhumbulwa…….
Apr 28, 2020
Apr 28, 2020 at 1:12 PM UTC