Noelle's voice pierced through my head as it always did, but I held my tongue. I raced up the creaky stairs, and retrieved the movies. As soon as I could gather a thought I heard the whine again, "these aren't the blue ray one's Johnny!"

Noelle frantically shot up from her position and raced upstairs. Stomp stomp stomp, Noelle never walked like a normal person. Instead, she brought both her feet down like she was pounding the juice out of grapes, and it sounded like thunder! The same was when she knocked on the door. If one did not live with her and understood her habits, Noelle's knock could be mistaken for the police.

As Noelle made her way down the stairs she yelled out, "where are the Harry Potter blue-ray series! I don't know where they went, they vanished!
Now, like a cheetah Noelle seeked out the weakest prey and planed her attack. With her snout pointed towards me she viciously started making ridiculous assumptions. She hissed, "you have them, you took them to Elyse's house I know you did, you better get them back!"

Like an innocent little rat, I didn't know how to respond, I was stupefied by her accusation. As usual, I held my tongue and did not unleash the wrath of this tiger.

I used to think that time will only tell,
A phrase used more than once throughout my days,
And, then I met a woman named Noelle,
She brought me clarity to cure my haze,

So beautiful my heart skipped twenty beats,
Angelic timbre straight from heaven’s gate,
So smart and witty no one can compete,
Did destiny provide my one soul mate?

So different yet inherently the same,
Embracing every shared in common trait,
A cautious courtship both vowed to maintain,
Yet so entranced two hearts could scarcely wait.

A fairy tale we know so very well,
I’m so in love with you, my sweet Noelle...

“To be or not to be, that is the question”
The answer, still unclear
Cans’t we be and not be at the same time?
That way we can choose how to be when life gets in the way
Would be easier on everyone

“I’m afraid I’m turning into a cliché”
My entire existence is a cliché
I’ve thought it up before
And here I go repeating
Preaching my so-called life
To those I thought had it different
I was wrong

“What Am I Missing?”
Besides you of course?
Besides your smile?
Not much I think

“Willing to tolerate less frequent service”
From the people in charge
Apparently we have free will
Who knew?  

“Licks his lips , turns my hands”
I am a clock
Only time will tell
When my hands will show
Quarter to midnight
He cannot turn time
Before it turns him

“I am one half of him
You will see
Cut me in half to reveal his trickery”
You will see
Where he tried to turn the hands of time
And failed
Cut him in half
You will find
The bind of time he almost left behind
That he almost broke and shattered
“The trauma cut both ways”

“Juliet’s the word they use for anyone that’s done it with pills or poision”
It’s also our word for a fool
Who was in so much pain
She caused more pain to herself
Who chose to halt the hands of time
Before it was time to
You cannot meddle with these kinds of things
Time cannot stand it



“The wall I was knocking down”
The one that kept me from you
The one that cheated time
“All of it was simply not the real thing”

“Maybe the supreme self-confidence I envied, was nothing more than masked insecurity”
Maybe the whole world is a façade
Just waiting to be uncovered
Waiting for the right person to come along
And reveal the secrets of time and space
There is no use in envy
It causes unnecessary guilt
Towards a cause you yourself did not create

“Adjusting or adapting a scheme”
Time is a pattern we must adapt to
We cannot be radical and say,
‘***** you time, I won’t conform!’
You must.
Being radical isn’t necessary
When you are given one of the most precious things
You will ever receive
Cherish it
It’s what you must do
“Now I understand”

I may have love
I may lose love
But I will never regret a single thing
For I know that I had not cheated time
I had lived a full life
Embraced every moment
“Splendid if I overcome my earthly passion, but if I succeed, still I have known happiness”





  Hamlet by William Shakespeare
2 Midway by David Homel
3 Pretty Little Liars by Sara Shepard
4 Economic Naturalist by Robert H. Frank
5 Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk
6 “His Ace of Spades” by Noelle Havens, a poem from Cellar Roots Literary Magazine, p.69
7 Militainment, Inc. by Roger Stahl
8 Kneller’s Happy Campers by Etgar Keret
9 “An Exclusive” from The ******* the Fridge by Etgar Keret
10 Death of Ivan Illyich by Leo Tolstoy
11Sloppy Firsts by Megan McCafferty
12 World of Children textbook by Greg Cook
13Set Me Free by Miranda Beverely-Whitmore
14 Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

and at the end of this session, i'm going to gorge on homemade banana cake, and a glass of milk; hmm, so that's that.

hannah hallysem, chloe vevrier, rosalia verne, dakota skye, nadine jansen, milena d., katrina jade, alison tyler, sasha foxxx, noelle easton, shay fox, kourtney kane, aletta ocean, lexi belle, aria giovanni, maritza mendez, silvia loret, laura lion, ashley graham, latex lucy, alexis texas,  dana dearmond, abella danger, karmen karma, jezebelle bond, keisha grey, karmen grey, jelena jensen, carmen croft, aneta buena, ines cudna, ewa sonnet, emma green, louisa marie, ivy nedkova, karolina pliskova, emma green, louisa marie, ivy nedkova, rooney mara, claire forlani, kelley scarlett, malina may, amirah adara, phoenix marie, foxy di., kenya lust, kiera winters, christy mack, paige delight, faith nelson, darya klishina, sand morris, alysha newman, silvia saint, adele stephens, deven davis, ewa wyrwal, tanya song, synn wagner, christina lucci, hunter leigh, lynda leigh, gemma atkinson, mulani rivera, sarah harding...
        
   all those "expectations" mingling with a *babuska...
gotta have a babuska after a list like that...
      looks nice, doesn't it?
         see how honest other people can become...
      that's as honest as you're going to get:
i'm hardly an out-of-the-closet gay / intellectual...
and this is hardly the most desireds genetical "encyclopedia"
worth reciting...
      but at least there's no closet,
and certainly no skeleton in it...
  to be honest, i'd love to see a compendium of
a woman's favourite *****,
   oh sure, i can switch off...
    i just start thinking about cow *******
and milk sacks; not that hard;
  ugh... furr... itchy... stroking a cow is like
scratching your skin after the barbers...
milking a cow: ah... another subject
of investigation...
                        why do men not bother being
breast-fed, to out-compete the babe?
seems a shame to leave a vacuum for
capitalism to not investigate, don't you think?

My mother is almost six feet tall.

5′11 for whoever is curious.

I am barely five feet. 5′1 for whoever’s wondering.

As you can see, my mom is tall and that means that her eight other siblings: Jack, Jackie, Jackson, Annie, Francine, Aimé, Michelle and Noelle are equally if not taller than she is.

On September 6th our pastor called me into her bedroom and there stood the three eldest siblings: Francine, Annie and Aimé like three beautiful angels. My aunt Annie was particularly hard to look at because she is a spitting image of my mother.

Mom. On September 6th people walked inside the house with their shoes on. I know how much you hate that.  Mom, there are people in the living room with their shoes on. Mom, on September 6th I was inside the house and you weren’t there. There are people flying in and out of this home and none of them are taking their ******* shoes off.  As if the ground where your body had lain a few nights before was *****.

Sometimes I can’t even look in the mirror because all I see is you. I see the woman you created. The little girl that you raised. The little girl who would put her head on your lap when the world was being mean to my four feet tall stature.

Mommy. I am so sorry. I was an absolute demon to you. I ignored you just as much as I avoided you but you also have a part in this. I hadn’t woken up one morning and decided that I wouldn’t speak to you or that I’d move to a different city. These type of things build up. They accumulate and yet, I mourn you like the messenger of God you believed you were.

Mom, I am so so sorry.

Sit patiently beside me while I dig through the shredded skins of my past selves, as I dig through the madness these scars hold, find and pull myself, brutally and with all the struggle of a world war, out of this black hole. Because once I come out of that black hole, I can discover the wonders of space; it’s stars, nebulae and the beauty of standing underneath the moon with you. Just let me save myself first.


©Noelle Marie

Today everything is my fault,
I cant do anything right.
Anything I say gets taken the wrong way.
I feel sick but because you feel down it’s all about you
Nothing I do is right.
You wont let me help.
You get mad at me for trying to help.
You get mad at me for telling you how it is,
You are making things worse.
You left.
You left me to deal with this on my own.
I have moments to,
Not that you would know because its never about me
But I guess its all my fault.
Ill take the blame,
You can just tell everyone how im an ***.
Tell the people what they want to here….
Noelle did it again.
She cant make anything right,
She cant make anyone happy,
She cant keep anyone because shes to much of a *****.
Tell them how its all my fault,
Its all my fault for trying to help you,
For telling you what I know,
For getting mad that I cant help.
Tell them.
Tell them how you see it.
Tell them so they know I cant do anything right.
Tell them because they deserve to know too.
Tell them because its always my fault.
Tell them because they already know.
They know how I am.
I self destruct,
I blow up,
I get mad,
I get sad,
I have emotions to.
I have moments where I break,
Where I remember,
Where I can barely breath because of what happened.
But that doesn’t matter,
Because I don’t matter.

curse birds and their ability to fly
a life always on the move

they look down from up high
and im not saying this to be rude

but i want constant motion
even just a little

its a relentless devotion
that's stupidly trivial

and i need constant motion
maybe more than a little

its my relentless devotion
that's positively quizzical

not one to stop
not one to have it figured out

noelle walks in

i love writing
i love all music
i love my girlfriend
i love my family
i love basketball
i love learning
i love debating
i love decorating
i love planning
i love movies
i love fashion
i love thinking about you
i love long boarding
i love my hair
i love my eyes
i love my stuffed animal
i love girls that remind me of the sun
i love feeling my emotions
i love my baggy jeans
i love sweatshirts
i love my room
i love my hands
i love my name
i love me.

but i also hate how i talk
i hate how i walk
i hate how i run
i hate my laugh
i hate my voice
i hate my mind
i hate ignorance
i hate skinny jeans
i hate ponytails
i hate when people touch me
i hate how they make me feel
i hate boys that are incels
i hate boys
i hate trump
i hate society
i hate my face shape
i hate my learning style
i hate my body
i hate me.

so which is it, noelle?

i'm not quite sure