"mykayla" poems
Things he couldn't do for me:
Hold my hand in public
Kiss me in public
Give me his shirts or hoodies
Keep us exclusive
Wait to have ***
Wait for anything
Wouldn't role play
Say I love you in person
Try to see me
Make me feel loved
Ignore the other girls
Things he could do (and did):
Break up with me
Kiss me in private
Try to get me high
Make me feel bad
Lie to me
Date my best friend
Pressure me for ***
Blow me off
Flirt with other girls
Make me feel stupid
And insecure
And ugly.
He made me feel like I'd never be good enough.
He made me cry and dry heave.
Be forgiven with a smile.
Make me hate myself.
Make me think; if I was truly beautiful, wouldn't he want me? If he thought I really was gorgeous and perfect, why was he with her?
Why did you choose her that night?
I could feel the depth of my words that night. It scared me. Why did you lie? I told you I didn't care if you were flirting with other girls.
That night you went to Alex's. Dated Amanda of all people. That lasted not even a month.
It killed me seeing photos of you with her. Still does. You and her, smiling and laughing at the camera. You're her 'bro'. You teaching her to longboard. You promised me you'd teach me how to. I miss your smile before your braces. I miss your forearms. Every time I saw them I wanted to run my hands along them. I miss your hands, holding mine so tight my fingers and knuckles were white and purple. Their roughness on my bare ******* and ***
I wish ÿöü had snuck out on that night I was home alone. I wasn't ready to give you my virginity, but I was ready to make you happy. To make myself feel wanted.
I regret not kissing you at that camp. If I could go back in time I would kiss you every chance I got. I would kiss your lips and neck, run my hands on your neck and chest and arms. Feel your power.
I regret our last time kissing was over a year ago. I wish I could kiss you up until the point that me and mykayla started dating.
I wish I had been braver and bolder. I wish I took the chances, I wish I went too far. I wish I had something more to regret than all that time wasted on not touching you
Nov 29, 2013
Nov 29, 2013 at 8:21 PM UTC
12-14: Jacob Harris.
14-16: Mykayla Bradshaw.
16: Raymond Crawford.
16: Gin Berry.
16: Mickaela Maxwell.
17-present: Khayllia Harrell.
I gave Jacob my Innocence.
I gave Mykayla my Trust.
I gave Ray my Self-esteem.
I gave Gin my Confidence.
I gave **** my Hope.
I am giving Khayllia my Brokenness.
Mar 20, 2016
Mar 20, 2016 at 5:24 AM UTC
I have been on here quite awhile.
So here are some facts:
I have really long blond hair
I'm not super skinny but I'm not fat either.
Some say I have a beautiful smile.
Others say I need braces.
I have freckles
That only come out in the summertime
And I'm straight.
My only exception is Mykayla.
We've been together for over a year.❤
I can't find any drive to do school
I feel tired
And worn out but
I'm only 15...
I like to write poetry
But I love to read it more
And I have no idea what I want
In the future
And I'm scared
And intimidated
To go to college
And I want to cry
About things but I can't
And the world is too big for me
And I hate money
But love it at the same time
I feel like my country is too proud (America)
And I am a worrier
Who loves to bury her face
In books
And pillows
I can live my fantasy world
For years,
Reading keeps me awake
It makes my mind keep on going and going
These nights I stay up late
I can close my eyes
It's 12:11 am
And I've got school in the morning
But my head is too full
It is all the time
I'm exhausted
But I haven't raised a pinky
I want the world handed to me
But I'm too lazy to reach
Feb 6, 2014
Feb 6, 2014 at 4:12 AM UTC
Lindsey and Jacob.
Lindsey and Austin.
Lindsey and Mykayla.
Lindsey.
Lindey Harris
Lindsey Huitt
Lindsey Bradshaw.
My name is two syllables
Seven letters
And has 3 vowels in it.
I couldn't hate it more.
Jul 13, 2014
Jul 13, 2014 at 5:28 AM UTC
You must take the time
To see what you live for.
I live for books
And first kisses.
For drunken young nights
And awkward first times.
I live for my teachers
Stupid jokes
And my friends ********
I live for
Forgetting what happened last night
And all the faults I have made
I live for laughter
And Mykayla's smile,
Especially her smile.
I live for love
And beauty
And respect
And revenge
And hate.
I live for it all.
For the good and the bad.
That is what makes life
Worth living.
Mar 6, 2014
Mar 6, 2014 at 9:22 PM UTC
How do you do it?
Sit in bed with the poster
Of Ariel I colored
And labeled
'to my Disney princess'
I wonder if you looked at it
And hated it and tore it down.
How do you look at your bed
And see my blanket I gave you
Saying "relax"?
I wonder if you laughed a little
At that word, because
You couldn't relax to save your life.
How do you go in your bathroom
And see my pink hair straightener?
I wonder if it made you cry
Because memories of me straightening
Your hair for you and
Getting distracted and kissing you
Were too much to handle...
How do you do it?
Jun 7, 2014
Jun 7, 2014 at 4:30 AM UTC
I miss believing
It was forever,
You and me.
I wish I could say 'no, I'm Mykayla's.'
All I have left
Are these notes
And these pictures
And all these ******* promises
Of forever in every *******
Corner of my room
And bookbag
And heart.
I miss your laugh
And holding you when ÿöü sleep
And I love how your body twitches
When you dance it's adorable
I still have everything
I miss our forever
You were my safe haven
And right now
I need you
And I'm so sorry
Sorry sorry sorry
Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry
Sorry sorry sorry sorry
Sorry sorry sorry
Sorry sorry
Sorry.
For all I've done.
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 12:54 AM UTC
I wonder if you will ever look at my hello poetry page again. If you'll see my letters to you and smile, or look at the word him and grit your teeth. I can't say I miss you, because I shut it down when that sick missing feeling creeps up my throat. I haven't cried over you at all today, which is a small victory. I'm nervous to see you, because I don't know if I'll be able to restrain myself from kissing you and holding onto you. I don't want to. At least this way I can pretend you're gone on a trip, but after I see you I can't. Im dreading the awkward silence and uncomfortable words pushing through our teeth as a means of politeness. I don't want to remember our last time seeing eacother like that. Can't it stay as us sitting on ravens kitchen floor, laughing and kissing and kissing and kissing?
I'm not ready to move on.
Jun 8, 2014
Jun 8, 2014 at 3:33 AM UTC
(K- if you are reading this, I'd suggest stopping.)
I remember being with Mykayla and just feeling happy. Her laugh made me laugh. Her tears made me cry. Her skin was my skin. I know I talk about the bad times a lot, but 80% of our relationship was blissfully good. She was family. She could've been the one. She was my first, and I wanted nothing more than for her to be my last. We got so comfortable in our relation ship. It was like we were married. Our bond was so strong. We'd **** burp *** and **** in front of each other. We'd yell and fight and cry and fall asleep together all the same. No matter how bad it got, I knew it'd be worse once me and M broke up.
I was so sure of her and I.
Just like I'm so sure of you and I.
I'm not comparing you two, because I love you so **** much. You are worth more than a million billion trillion quadrillion mykaylas.
I can't afford to lose you. I need you so much it hurts. Please remember this. I cant lose you. If I do? I'm ******
I feel like I belong with you.
And I hope you feel the same way.
Because if I felt that lost with a girl who
Soon got addicted to **** and failed
High school,
I cannot imagine how lost I will be when I lose my blond haired blue eyed girl.
I'm gonna be one sad girl if this ever ends.
Feb 24, 2016
Feb 24, 2016 at 6:18 AM UTC
They come in the room
Star and center.
One my beautiful girl,
The other a mere friend.
The mattress is my float,
And my vision
Is blanking.
I keep coming back to reality
And finding myself in a situation.
And I get lost
In soft skin
And biting lips,
Wandering hands and
Willing smiles.
I feel them up and down
And kiss and watch them kiss,
But it's all in flashes.
I sit up randomly
And my heart keeps pounding.
I should have known
Not to smoke
When she is around.
And flash
I'm back
And I'm kissing kiiya
And flash I'm back
And kiiya and her are...?
And flash I forget
And flash Im asleep.
I wake up in Mykayla's arms.
She kisses my forehead
And our kiiya is nowhere to be seen.
I feel the shame
And I feel the regret.
Never again.
Dec 4, 2013
Dec 4, 2013 at 1:11 AM UTC
And my friends don't know
What I'm going through
I just want to fast forward
And make it better
I want a smile on my face
That isn't plastered on
And I hate myself for being
One of THEM, ....
Those poor me im sad
People I love to mock
But here I am
And I feel it
It isn't even sadness
It's pain and sorrow
And I wish my heart felt different
Than it does when it beats inside
My chest
Because it feels off
And it hurts and is sick
And tired of beating
And living.
I want to give up give up
But I can't I have everything
I'm going through
And I hate myself for everything
Because its all my fault
All of it
All my pain and sorrow
Was caused by me!
And I don't know how to fix it.
I picture a blade
Going on my wrist and I feel
My body want it.
I picture taking antidepressants
And I feel my body
Get excited for the blanket
Of gray it could have with it.
I picture a counselor
From god knows where
Who will listen
And hold me when I cry,
And I start to cry when thinking of it.
I picture Mykayla,
Who is always there for me,
But sometimes I jus want her
To wrap her arms around me
And love me
And I want to feel it
Because I alway knew it was there
But I could never receive it.
I want to now.
But now it's too late.
I picture a gun
And a thrill goes through my body
Thinking of the hard metal
At my temple.
I think of the notes I'd have to write
And I think of all the reasons why
But none of them
Could forgive me.
So I guess I will just sit here
And cry
And hurt.
Because I can choose absolutely
None of those solutions.
Feb 27, 2014
Feb 27, 2014 at 3:21 AM UTC
I'm not ready to give up on you. Whenever I think about it, I think about how much of an amazing person you are, and then I couldn't ever give you up. I have had an opportunity every day for almost four months to move on. But I don't want to. I'm so sorry you feel like I thought our relationship was a joke. To be honest, I knew it was so ******* real that I couldn't imagine you not wanting to be with me, and it scared me. I'm sorry it scared me. If I had to have you and only you until the day I died, I would be happier than anybody and anything in this whole world. Because I love you still. So much. And if you ever gave me the chance to prove to you I was for real about this, I would take it and prove how much I love you. I would buy you flowers every day and wake you up with a kiss and hold your hand and walk you to your classes and treat you so ******* good that you wouldn't ever want HER. You want to know what I think about Angel? Besides her being beautiful and perfect and stunning. I think you want her because she treats you a million times better than I ever did. And I know she is way better than me in every way shape and form, but I still love you. This pathetic girl still loves you. And I'm sorry you thought you weren't enough, because in all reality I wasn't enough. You were perfect.
Jan 6, 2015
Jan 6, 2015 at 12:25 AM UTC
I saw you today
And I realized I didn't know
Who you were anymore.
How is it I can know everything
Yet nothing all at the same time?
I didn't know what time you got up
Or if you ate breakfast
I don't know if you went to work
Or got groceries after school
I don't know if you cried last night
Or did your homework.
I know your family.
That you love your ears being kissed.
You love my hands.
I know you like to sing
But don't think your good enough.
I wish I knew you
Like I did back then.
Because now it's like
You're a stranger
And that's something
I never thought you'd be.
You don't belong to me anymore.
Nov 14, 2014
Nov 14, 2014 at 1:07 AM UTC
I love the look on your face
When you're driving
And how you hair looks
When I pull off your hat
I love your yawn
In the morning
And the first kiss you give me
When I see you
I love you when you're crying
Because I know I'm there to hold you
And being there for you
Is all I want sometimes.
I love your laugh
When I tickle you just right
And your eyes are closed
With your smile seemingly permanent
Begging me to stop...
I just...
I love you.
Jul 12, 2014
Jul 12, 2014 at 4:28 AM UTC
I still miss you so much
It's a little ridiculous
How it's been almost a year
Since we broke up
I feel like I could still cry
Still scream
Beg for you back
But I feel even you can't
Pull me away from the edge
I'm standing on
You're still so beautiful
Ever since you and HER broke up
You've actually said a few words to me
I miss you so much.
Mar 22, 2015
Mar 22, 2015 at 2:12 AM UTC
When I see Mykayla with her arms around HER
I snarl in my head 'MINE'
When SHE laughs and kisses Mykayla's cheek
I snarl in my head 'MINE'
When I see them kissing
The tears on my cheeks are crying 'MINE'
That arm is supposed to be around me
I'm the one that's supposed to kiss her cheek
I'm the one that Mykayla's supposed to kiss
I'm the one, ******
She's MINE.
Oct 10, 2014
Oct 10, 2014 at 8:06 PM UTC
I wonder if you still love me. If you still care about me. I know Angel is better, but do you still think about me? Is there any chance in the world left that I could be with you again? We can close our eyes and pretend these past 7 months didn't happen.
Dec 2, 2014
Dec 2, 2014 at 12:05 PM UTC