Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Wheer 'asta bean saw long and mea liggin' 'ere aloan?
Noorse? thoort nowt o' a noorse: whoy, Doctor's abean an' agoan;
Says that I moant 'a naw moor aale; but I beant a fool;
*** ma my aale, fur I beant a-gawin' to break my rule.

Doctors, they knaws nowt, fur a says what 's nawways true;
Naw soort o' koind o' use to saay the things that a do.
I 've 'ed my point o' aale ivry noight sin' I bean 'ere.
An' I 've 'ed my quart ivry market-noight for foorty year.

Parson 's a bean loikewoise, an' a sittin' ere o' my bed.
"The amoighty 's a taakin o' you to 'isen, my friend," a said,
An' a towd ma my sins, an' s toithe were due, an' I gied it in hond;
I done moy duty boy 'um, as I 'a done boy the lond.

Larn'd a ma' bea. I reckons I 'annot sa mooch to larn.
But a cast oop, thot a did, 'bout Bessy Marris's barne.
Thaw a knaws I hallus voated wi' Squoire an' choorch an' staate,
An' i' the woost o' toimes I wur niver agin the raate.

An' I hallus coom'd to 's choorch afoor moy Sally wur dead,
An' 'eard 'um a bummin' awaay loike a buzzard-clock ower me 'ead,
An' I niver knaw'd whot a mean'd but a thowt a 'ad summut to saay.
An' I thowt a said what a owt to 'a said, an' I coom'd awaay.

Bessy Marris's barne! tha knaws she laaid it to mea.
'Siver, I kep 'um, I kep 'um, my lass, tha mun understond;
I done moy duty boy 'um, as I 'a done boy the lond.

But Parson a cooms an' a goas, an' a says it easy an' freea:
"The amoighty 's taakin o' you to 'issen, my friend," says 'ea.
I weant saay men be loiars, thaw summun said it in 'aaste;
But 'e reads wonn sarmin a weeak, an' I 'a stubb'd Thurnaby waaste.

D' ya moind the waaste, my lass? naw, naw, tha was not born then;
Theer wur a boggle in it, I often 'eard 'um mysen;
Moast loike a butter-bump, fur I 'eard 'um about an' about,
But I stubb'd 'um oop wi' the lot, an' raaved an' rembled 'um out.

Keaper's it wur; fo' they fun 'um theer a-laaid of is' faace
Down i' the woild 'enemies afoor I coom'd to the plaace.
Noaks or Thimbleby--toaner 'ed shot 'um as dead as a naail.
Noaks wur 'ang'd for it opp at 'soize--but *** ma my aale.
Dubbut loook at the waaaste; theer warn't not feead for a cow;
Nowt at all but bracken an' fuzz, an' loook at it now--
Warn't worth nowt a haacre, an' now theer 's lots o' feead,
Fourscoor yows upon it, an' some on it down i' seead.

Nobbut a bit on it 's left, an' I mean'd to 'a stubb'd it at fall,
Done it ta-year I mean'd, an' runn'd plow thruff it an' all,
If godamoighty an' parson 'ud nobbut let ma aloan,--
Mea, wi haate hoonderd haacre o' Squoire's, an' lond o' my oan.

Do godamoighty knaw what a's doing a-taakin' o' mea?
I beant wonn as saws 'ere a bean an yonder a pea;
An' Squoire 'ull be sa mad an' all--a' dear, a' dear!
And I 'a managed for Squoire coom Michaelmas thutty year.

A mowt 'a taaen owd Joanes, as 'ant not a 'aapoth o' sense,
Or a mowt a' taaen young Robins--a niver mended a fence:
But godamoighty a moost taake mea an' taake ma now,
Wi' aaf the cows to cauve an' Thurnaby hoalms to plow!

Loook 'ow quoloty smoiles when they seeas ma a passin' boy,
Says to thessen, naw doubt, "What a man a bea sewer-loy!"
Fur they knaws what I bean to Squoire sin' fust a coom'd to the 'All;
I done moy duty by Squoire an' I done moy duty boy hall.

Squoire 's i' Lunnon, an' summun I reckons 'ull 'a to wroite,
For whoa 's to howd the lond ater mea that muddles ma quoit;
Sartin-sewer I bea, thot a weant niver give it to Joanes,
Naw, nor a moant to Robins--a niver rembles the stoans.

But summun 'ull come ater mea mayhap wi' 'is kittle o' steam
Huzzin' an' maazin' the blessed fealds wi' the Divil's oan team.
Sin' I mun doy I mun doy, thaw loife they says is sweet,
But sin' I mun doy I mun doy, for I couldn abear to see it.

What atta stannin' theer fur, an' doesn bring me the aale?
Doctor 's a 'toattler, lass, an a's hallus i' the owd taale;
I weant break rules fur Doctor, a knaws naw moor nor a floy;
*** ma my aale, I tell tha, an' if I mun doy I mun doy.
this me stir wordsmith sits alone
   playing knick knack paddy whack
   please give this dorky, goofy, loopy,
   nerdy, nippy nap noopy quirky
   and wordy proto simian dodging,

   erstwhile shadowy bogeyman
   more'n a herring or sun bleached wish bone
ambitious to experience
   auditory voice o'er telly phone.

the immediate reaction sans per
   using this reply might be to toss
   in circular file (perchance
   already bid good riddance
   with previous ******* o mine)

   such wordy response away
since mine hoop for reply per non-conformity
   chances = yar come me own nitty chest
   at least 69 oceans at bay

boot, the following bit of personal trivia
   merely meant to convey
an atypical manner from this older mwm
   with some follicles of gray,

who enjoys balmy spring time temperatures
   basking in the sun during warm
   (pine scented) months of ape purr rill
   and coveted dayz o may unless being chased
   by ferocious beast of prey,

   though, i readily admit not to be a marathon runner
hoping golem like creature will
   (upon stern request) stay,
   nor does this generic guy participate
   in competitive sports 'cept sea man of a gunner

knows life doth newt always hap pin his way
which wood prompt this tiger to go yea.
this self anointed bard of Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
   lives a rolling stones away

   from u2 and moody blue who
felt avaricious, chivalrous,
   efficacious, impetuous, spontaneous
   to be earnest, frank and stine true
value bull ambitious to ply cognitive,

furtive, intuitive skills to ponder and rue
literary challenges
   might bring out bovine prompting moo
goo pan a ply per this guy

   maybe absorbing symbiotically genius abilities
   from imaginary asian figure named hu,
or his identical twin brother mister ma goo
who joost happens
   to be exemplary anime portrait
   stick figures ma phalanges drew.

unsure if this written metier reply will bomb
or fly from an older scrivener,
who resides in perkiomen valley
   nestled analogous to hand held palm
housing this fella

if (the operative word) drafted with winning
   moost definitely cause for fait accompli
   to acquire nothing short of an hock cult following
   from alf fred meta for like qualm,

   your ordinary run of the millet harry, **** chain e
   or thumbing my nose at pained tom.
this aging boomer anglophile tends to go overboard
   with english vocabulary word

aspiring to attain apex of plaudits and praise
   as being witty n creatively superb
n pardon if i submitted a similar facsimile thereof
   sans the following blurb
which moost likely will (o perhaps already)
   goot tagged as absurd.

   i call myself the muster shake e spear
   n sigh ah bard from Spring Mount hills
stumbles along boulevard of broken dreams
   with other jack hammer sons and jills

donning penchant to feign being troubadour
   with faith nor more
   where words akin to virtual skein of twirls and trills.
sorry if my impulsiveness drain ya bob bing out of sync
with mainstream formality to establish a link,

this generally sane, sensible sober older fellow
   no matter, you might presume me
   to take one to many **** kin r drink,
boot in truth, this teetotaler
   shies against various amber liquids of the dogs
   evoke king mental green day n chooses holistic methods
   to rejoice than evoking that clink.

i matthew scott alias duyeer93@aol.com = knot a slob
   could moost certainly benefit from friendship
   with one or being part of a mob
hence this rather goofy atypical reply i lob

(while gently inhaling)
   imaginary ushered by hand carved corn cob.
anyway, this aspiring scribe/scrivener
   de jure shoe lee mastered his a, b, c's,

though during test time
   all learning seemed to freeze
oh and although the follow
   wing non-sequitur added comment

   moost likely irrelevant
   back in the day o me early boyhood,
   i passed initiation nail biting rite of passion
   tickling ivory black n white keys
while learning about human species.

Can I help you???
Extra...extra...Trumpasaurus Extinction

(Only a pipe dream)
Obsolete "FAKE" news
Extra...extra...Trumpasaurus Extinction,
Now Putin Rules As De Facto Leader!

Pastor Of Muppets – shout huzzah...
no mo' Trump he's Gone er re: ya
especially “father figure” for Miss Piggy
-----------------------------------------------------------­----
More'n a ***** dozen deeds done dirt cheap moon units ago
since presidential election took us down the highway to hell  
emotional, social repercussions still reverberate
how reprobate Trump triumphed

graduating magma *** lug head
to become leader of free world
acing highest score (via cribbed cheat sheet)
per Electoral College examination.
noah yam aghast (still feel nauseated) as
Donald trump got nominated president elect,

or more apropos an inept apprentice,
though a teetotaler delirium tremens,
brings corporeal bris
ling foretelling premonition
oven approaching crisis
as one basket of deplorable,

whose shell shocked eggs ess
tints did not peter out
re: fate rigged 2016 election appalled hike con fess
at prospect outsize bully nabbed
most sought after house seat - ugh guess

thine psyche fearful that arrogance, indecency,
pomposity, and vivacity will break ranks and restore Hess
shun militaristic modus operandi crowning himself
King Kong of amerika - applauded
by a *** dread locked Klansmen less
or more, with spirit of a jolly roger intent

shredding sacred documents, and creating a mess;
ages will require to restore righteous, and officious,
amazing gracious steeped ford did legacy
of forefathers and mothers
(against trump driving the country
into wah hell in a hand basket),

which democratic rubric Paine stay king lee
easel lee trampled oh press
sieve lee in sync with missteps
made during on the job training

at national ex pence augments ominous
ramping up of tess toss tear roan,
wherefore if happenstance finds Czech mated express
train tearing down the tracts,
we the people of the United States might vouchsafe
for a veep ping Petsmart prodigy to take over - YES!
-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -
Reince Priebus promises to hold sway,
while hi yam rez hind tune augur
race shin, more than approximately 300 hours ago,
a fate worse than death doth bode

despite hangover lingering effect
unable to shake mice elf sober
despite chugging nary an ale
memory summons back,

hide dashed hoof well-healed poem express
sing reaction while shuttered in me man cave dale
how Democratic Party did fail
to clinch nomination,

thus with measured words this male
wants to air and share his non-rapacious sentiments
others no doubt harbor various
seas sinned reactions that might pale

in terms - their private tear ring expressions
explicitly rant and rail against unexpected
and unacceptable result, where scale
of moderation heavily tilted
toward possible global travail

armaments stacked as thee Barron doth un veil
bombardiers carpet bomb
(whoops....accidentally kilt Trump heathen)
while manning his Taj Mahal casino gun whale.
-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -
-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -
ABOUT ONE MILLENNIUM LATER
-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -
what cha red back in history class i.e. yes...
that traitorous treacherous treasonous tale,
but truth told since time immemorial
whom sever decreed demise
of terrible lizard beasts aye

moost upend long entrenched theory,
and bid good bye
sans foursquare extinction reeks foul,
cuz one pea brained reptilian

o’er shadowed all as fiercest, he ranged free
amidst a cut throat rogues gallery
thee unnamable overlooked
sinister species sought supremacy

(gamut of miniature game pieces
model available at sundry department stores
wherever schlocky plastic model toys sold)
popular trapping of childhood imagination –

imbue vainglorious ventriloquist
inciting fiendish cry
such kiddy paraphernalia
forever a top selling plaything
snapped off shelves leaving allocated space bone dry.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Since time immemorial dinosaur makeshift gewgaws
did cap cha ominous jaws,
and populated fertile land of cave dwellers
whereat swaddled kinder babes bellowed believable
farcically feigned ferocious fabrications foraging bankrupt

foretold foreclosure to espy real McCoy
perhaps assembled from mud, rocks and sticks
noisome predators snatching
voice some innocent prey  -

ripping to tatters and shreds
unlucky victim rarely escaping
in fizz hicks of time – witnessed first hand proof positive
how I came that close (pinch thumb with index finger)

simian snack aye haint fool’n witch cha,
nar doth this medieval troubadour –
spin a yarn approximating
verity of nasty Hobbesian brute

trumpeting fiercely bruited
his bombastic buzz hard
carrion feed small fry to Golgotha donning topface,
could dice in a flickr emulate, and twitter

rang one excited live hotmail riding Pegasus,
while those in his Isis Petsmart warpath
on outlook to avoid get linkedin,
per imp (of the pervert) pale’n maws

simultaneously masticating and able to shutterfly
hither and yon, to and fro rousing
seditious twittering rogues gallery
of reprobate ruthless minions -

ruminants to become  apprenticed
fired up en mass thru the art of the deal
vis a vis venal pet peeves
pygmy male hominids revered
his racially stirred debacle

while straddling as a humungous towering hill,
he pill or reedlike lex Lucifer usurpation,
whence auld dish diehard don nah sore
dominated as demented species,

thus, he didst not perish from this earth
boot yielded rubric of emperor by the peep hole,
four the pea pull, of the peep pill.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
This older ville lad spurs rumor -
more than just food for thought or eating crow
does generate quite a wishful after thought to flow
whence sum divine

wind blown comedic act, an inflow
of furies rise from Dante's hell - don bell low
aye wood pine fate to hammer
sic culled swathed headline oh
brings joy to the world wide webbed land,

where Rob zombie i.e. Ivan Ca Rho
into dustbin of hiss tory;
stuffing of legions of legends
recollection and object lesson to hooligans woe
full derelicts, who might be forced
to cease clowning around like - bo Zoë.
Far moost o' me
     three score minus one year
tethered upon terra firmae where
planet Earth doth veer

(spins upon the global axis
     (tilted 23.5 degrees from the plane
     of its orbit around the sun),
terrestrial genesis (perhaps accompanied

     for Pete's sake by Gabriel
     blowing his horn) in all honesty unclear
boot more oven concern
     points to thermonuclear

and/or subnuclear
war, particularly at forefront
     of thine primate noggin
actively hypothesizing

     theoretical armageddon,
     when non plus ultra gravitates
     with e pluribus unum necessitating
     each individual to bend over

     and kiss his/her rear
goodbye unless total merciless queer
hue loss atomic fallout immediately
     incinerates e'en

     the moost savvy profiteer,
which aforementioned prognostication
     arose from overbear
ring hazy, hot and humid

     dangerous heat spell near
lee approximating insufferable
     temperature nearing triple digits
     (along Eastern Seaboard

     of United baked States
makes this human,
     an immediate convert to climate control
(though he happened tubby already)

     basking, glorifying, and luxuriating
     within delightful 60º Fahrenheit mere
really expressing gratitude for such
     creature comfort donning my

     stretched out birthday suit,
     (yet thee moost comfortable leisurewear
then thrift store "special bag
     mountain of clothes

     as mooch as Yukon sales,"
     no matter mine ill mannered
     mirrored reflection doth jeer
at such a sorry sight, and/or

     laugh reading interlinear
monologue colloquy,
     which message gleaned between lines,
and should this poem be red aloud,

     thy ******* passion linkedin
     with humming HVAC, ye would hear
courtesy hove cochlear
(hollow tube in the inner ear)
sensitive to deafening sounds...so beware!
this mere mortal frequently feels:
   a. like joost another brick in the wall
   or b. feels comfortably numb while alienated
   in this condemn nation
with the sounds of silence

   written on the virtual subway hall
n wishes he could escape
   (like that eponymous spoon
   running away with the tine e fork)
   2 the dark n far side of the moon
   jumping without Humpty Dumpty fear 2 fall.

joost as an *** side (wit me only intent 2 *** till late)
   let me playfully close this email by readily admitting
   that voluptuous women with plenty of junk in the trunk
   (or 2 employ more outdated term zoftig)
does readily prompt a top notch rating of google times ten

   for those queen of denial big a$$ bot tum gals
   who possess buxom build plus smart n able 2 understand
   how 2 cosign via trig
anyway, for your edification, i wish for nada qua non
   one snarling day vid growl joining me
   in monogamous ****** gig
which latter mental ability

might not in the least matter 2 moost men
unsure if my poetic reply you will find *** abominable bore
   or be prompt an oh bomb in a bull barrack 2 dig
   this common joe just biden his time
but in a nutshell with no intent to be impolite,

   mine eyes (no surprise nor insult meant)
favor gals whose ***** happens
   2 be outlandishly big
   in tandem to the searing roe bust english language,
   which this simian i.e. **** sapiens doth adore.

from::the fool on the hill, who lives along
abbey road near penny lane
across the street. Eleanor rigby, Mister Kite,
the virtual nay burrs o this human grain
plus Norwegian wood, the latter actually a great dane.

postscript:
words my (ahem) pen ultimate live aim
while trying 2 steer clear of reese sieving a wagging
   virtual finger in blame
neither at some fellow nor destitute dame

since chance circumstances of existence akin to being frozen
   in some space/time paradigms frame
attempting to extricate our selves playing lifelong game
which message offer in this poem rather lame.

email moi, which means
   applying cerebral muscles to flex
fire off a brief bull a tin i.e.
   preferably a brief text
    to TRACFONE NUMBER =
215---370--8929
Homage to the furry four footed a mew zing friend that smart pet house cat whose nine lives spanned nearly a score. This ode scratched out about a half dozen ***** of yarn unspooled around the terra firmae.
---------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------
the euthanize cat silenced meow –
less audible than when a kitten 19 years ago – whew
heart wrenching to you
Richard n I presume Brendan too

though ye my dear sister will moost likely miss do
to sensitive resonance with creatures that grew
and an omnipotent bond through
well nigh two decades - whereby a tapestry of love hew

as pet owner solely knew
wove with colorful memories will brew
regular need to grieve as a family member true
as yar own flesh and bone will wake thee no more – boo

hoo
lament must be free to woo
tears of sadness possible prompt thine heart to rue
tis only understandable if such conscionable choice to
terminate life one such beautiful feline knew

within his being affection lavished with memories to view
and replay his corporeal presence where time flew
as calendar ushered near score longevity
   end date along timeline queue

memorialized n sentimentalized
   by unused litter box n cat bowl used to poo
and chew
respectively will usher inxs purr remembrance of thinks past

by Marcel Proust of human zoo
leaves inky traces without a clew
his latter fading discernible

   holographic soul with any faux paws
dagger like claws indelibly etched
   within mcgeehan family unforgettable presence he drew!
-----------------------------------------------------------­---------------------
…luv frum ur brother math who
moost now rush off n skip to the loo!
eligibility predicated upon mandatory fingerprinting

Courtesy anticipatory anxiety
breeds palmar hyperhidrosis
(i.e. hands adrip
with profuse perspiration)
honest to dog truthfully
most inconvenient malady

holds Earthling (yours truly)
in precarious emotional balance
me silently screaming
against ill fated physiological disorder
also upending prospective
employment ambitions (parttime).

Qualification to acquire said voucher
(essentially to help pay rent)
slips thru slippery fingers (mine),
thus wet out further ado, the extent
I broadcast sweaty plight
less for empathy than to air lament
anyway syndrome already expounded
by garden variety generic gent.

Accursed genetic unpleasant quirk
(vis a vis polyhidrosis)
thwarts virtual, social, and political
(yes folks I sought storied government perch)
ambitions toward gaining traction,

to experience cosmic consciousness,
hence moost every digital,
interpersonal, practical (joking) aspiration
figuratively dashed into
bajillion pieces to no avail.

Even as a wee lad
scores of decades yesteryear
I distinctly remember
abysmal introvertedness where
psychological torture
wracked psyche there
boot for the grace of dog,

this muttering kid felt queer
son of a gun ousted joining foo fighters
as a third musketeer
despite qualifying as rightful heir
thus in the least sought trappings
indicative of very important person
while entombed within recycled bier.

Subsequently, mine lifeless being cremated
ashes scattered to four winds
inert matter repurposed courtesy Gaia
physical earthly dwelling irrelevant

speculation abounds since time immemorial,
what constitutes purpose of existence
a chicken and egg thing
where copulation (pertaining to humans)
triggers hormonal secretion

poised to unsuspecting strike haploid
female reproductive cell, or gamete
if bonafide ***** deed done dirt cheap
attains crowning glory
fertilized **** results

reputedly engendering conception
though uncertainty when nascent embryo
considered greater than inchoate
amalgamation of cells.

Ideally biological processes
merrily humming along
once gestation period complete
viable organism (**** sapien) born
oblivious to nothing else except
except basic needs and wants

until adequate mental,
physical, spiritual development
necessitates progeny to fend for her/himself
wherein adult autonomous species
enroute to secure a place to call their home,
which onerous cost
eased courtesy housing choice voucher.

Aforementioned county program
synonymous with section 8,
though methinks the latter term
evoked non-positive connotation
within mind of prospective landlord.
flailing, lurching, and writhing in throes of agony

Trumpets blare acknowledging
crack hunters lucky strike,
i.e. bullseye salvo shot at
innocuous yet brutish
and nasty looking **** sapien
courtesy elite militia incapacitates,
(yet doth not ****) mortal enemy.

Tis a moost dangerous threatening president
(assailed all points of the compass)
able, eager, ready and willing to loose
anarchy, chaos, entropy...
sabotaging, sacrificing, saddling
every precious life (yet those unborn)
within ethos, diktat, and credo of brinkmanship.

His indefatigable stonewalling campaigning stage
lumbers with increased rage
taking out apprentice playbook, a page
titled how to win at all costs -
even Pyrrhic victory
(bang... bang... bang near fatal reportage).

Part and parcel of Democratic brigade
I aspire lobbing metaphorical brickbat enfilade
to stoke public disgust at
United States incumbent president
more incompetent than student in fifth grade
(apology extended for any unintended insult
exhibited by whip smart kids
genetically custom tailor made).

Though madly thrashing
across his barren domain
all manner of expedient strategy
to defeat him, I will try to explain
for no citizen of voting age
ought not remain complacent
one humble human (me)
smugness doth not feign

cuz, day of reckoning
spelling boom or bust,
Joe Biden moost gain
as commander in chief lest...
the following blather
I readily admit might seem
pointless, futile and inane
yet fools rush in,
where angels fear to tread,

while America crumbles to ruins,
a fate moost loath to witness
if apathy prevails nary any trace left,
where glory throve and inevitably
strews once fruitful plain
inviting twenty first century Vandals
to usurp millennial reign
thus on two hundred and forty fourth
anniversary when original thirteen colonies

set figurative sights to track and train
democratic experiment, within which history
(yours truly, a generic hypocrite)
admits instances where
tentative existence graphs
sinusoidal curve, which plotted path
waxed with promise, boot now
prospect for continuity doth wane.

Shameless to allow lofty ideal
regarding hard won enfranchisement amendment
gifted upon all citizens, yet inalienable right
still far reality exercised
(née thwarted every step of the way
towards those whose very flesh bled)

with justice once and for all
for many across land
from sea to shining sea
(line excerpted from America the Beautiful
accredited to Katharine Lee Bates)
penned during 1893 trip
to Colorado Springs, Colorado.
i barely get ma palm pilot sized
   dear derriere i.e. gluteus maximus in the air
just a cat whisker across the DeMilitarized Zone
  (DMZ in military parlance),

   when the Earth shuddered from blare
ring fusillade expressed detonation
   issued by Kim Jung Un,
   whose craven dark excitement clear

motive predicated
   to lob Holiday nuclear missiles,
   and South Koreans (no matter
   mostly innocent victims), whelp hay dear

for siding, identifying, fraternizing, colluding,
   et cetera with the enemy (in general,
   the NATO bound countries) 'ere
really quiet, as preparation (H) gets made

   to bring out the big guns
   (actually shaped like a fleshy
   posterior man bun) in truth one
   dead reckoning sphincter muscle

   that doth flair
impossible to espy, cuz sieve
   all the flak whistling induce sing a glare,
but...the Hermit Kingdom got another

   bad a$$ bombardier deathly, stealthily quiet,
   hence released **** Jed
  eye ordnance impossible to hear
yet this silent deadly *** sass sin hated

   hard as a ribbed rock stainless steel
   guaranteed to wreak havoc, with loathing
   and other emotions hints sin sere
which top secret (never bottomed out

   during test practice trials,
   whereat Johnny spot on)
   proved to vaporize underwear
and caused a "big stink"
   that lasted about one year.

what information divulged
   ye moost promise never to share
else...any turn coats
   can not muster posterior haste,

   yet will need to seek out specialty
   of proctologist who doth rear
lee **** seed unfortunate victim
   blind sided immune to any prayer

so...upon confiding this tidbit,
   I strongly advise tubby not near
as you might already correctly guess,
   when while mooning Pyongyang

well taut smart cheeks,
   with blasting buttocks akin to
   young Frankenstein blazing saddles
as sole oozing gaseous
   flatulence majority

   of North Koreans will not here
amidst din and clangor "bad medicine"
   propelled ****** bowel
   movement game changer

   will hit designated target precisely clear
t'will invite "freedom fighters"
   tubby regaling with a jubilant aire
total mortal Kombat levels threat of "Fat Boy",

whose po' country mutilated,
   reduced, wasted to ashes after
   every nuclear and
   traditional military contrivance,
  an IC a BM (mine) did destroy.
the upshot constituted a figurative straw
     that broke the virtual camels back
where yours truly fingered as scape goat,
     who meekly, passively, and subserviently
     felt the stinging crack
of wooden, smooth,
     and oblong paddle and stands pat,

     asper innocence, though now
     (myself more than two score years
     orbitz around sun) remains more defiant
     for purportedly causing Roberta -

not her real name flack
and clears that blot (now a composite
     of petrified spitballs) as a hack
writer of poetry, feels jilted like Jack

donning many major protagonistic ruffian knack
nursery rhyme roles, which fables never didst lack
for upstart precocious, kickstarters impish grin,
     as if he just wolfed down a swiped Bic Mac

and goose that laid more than one golden egg
McMuffin running from the Giant,
     with spindle shank for each leg,
and sliding down the beanstalk, which didst peg
world wide web Marathon record
     suddenly the envy of Queequeg,

which way word ness
     far off course from the theme of this work,
hence hold tight
     to hazmat bag of **** pin jay dreck,
     while poetic license allows me to twerk

intended story aye (captain...
     oh captain) moost not shirk,
lemme reel yar attention
     back to the classroom of missus Labosh,

     hood didst whistle and perk
unbeknownst to me, my scrawny derriere
     unaware what quaint, hence danger didst lurk
for letting passivity
     find me singled out as the bona fide ****

wishing Moby **** could swallow
     hook, line and sinker
     with a slight even Steven crane
of his neck, every mother plucking bird brain classmate
     deemed Scott free, and Chutzpah didst gain

while this smart *** wannabe took a crash course,
     sans weltanschauung "Artful Dodging
     Spitball Shooting Maven" in the main
quite heavy on Physics and Trigonometry as became plane.
soulful scribe matt er fact - seeks solemn sanctuary

Despite always pledging
allegiance to the flag
academic performance traced, narrated,
graphed... unfavorable zigzag

vertical lined spikes across
x-axis and y-axis displayed
dramatically sharper increased crag
when promoted one grade to the next

how comprehension did lag
attributed to allocating, dag
gone nabbit budgeting, crafting... productive
time usage, plus an affirmative nod,

whereby yours truly did lallygag
evincing object lesson procrastination
study habits shucked off cuz mum did nag
obfuscation regarding illegible note taking
I moost definitely haint gonna brag.

Deplorable curriculum vitae
not hearty and hale
equals pathetic academic performance
now displeases me,

yours truly did wanna fail
no matter parents told me, I got smarts
severe psychological dissonance
affected this male

in retrospect,... a tell tale
sign everyday existence
arduous, horrendous, perilous...

lifelong struggle analogous to quail
caught between cross hairs
tis pointless foregone opportunities... assail
self pointless, hence no surprise
metaphor locked within jail.

Report cards highlighted
plethora weaknesses bred
teachers exhausted markers
especially black red
spent small fortune replacing
regarding this jughead,

who practically proved deficiencies
prevailed within his head
arising and undoubtedly stead
dully contributing living
antisocially he approximated
being gratefully dead.

Search for acceptance during harrow
wing during formative years absolute zero
earning michelin equivalent laughing stock,
where mummified pharaoh
each arose out sarcophagus (cue Thriller -
Michael Jackson), a hero

cash equalling cow Jackson 5 era
before disgraced pedofile,
now keeps company with Nero
roman around within underworld
plus disembodied spirit Clarence Darrow,
who scopes, karaokes,
moonwalks... with monkeys.

Sundry dead souls heave pens, gogol,
and trumpet like Donald duck,
their afterlife I envy mingling sui generis
versus yours truly down on his luck
dismal flying colors

analogous to mire and muck
no man iz an island, yours truly isthmus
squeezing thru narrow passing lane,
this ****** doth aimlessly truck
this late bloomer summoning forth
long suppressed pluck.
Night and day, a thrashing
     like an invisible whiptail
surge van hail,
doth swell me *****
     excruciatingly, doggedly blackmail
capriciously be-numbingly,
     aggravatingly assail
mine conscience in

     what paltry pale
capacity of this gamboling male,
I can "pay forward,"
     whatever means shale
be moost apropos avail
to offset bewail
ling (internal psyche doth ale
     hankering) against utter

     lifetime (mine) peppered
     with emotional, physical
     and social destitution
     bereft, viz fail
ling to maximize inspiration
     reverberating as vibrant detail
lacking even justa minimum
     desire to live

     (visa vis no way
     discover ring, nope nar even
     "FAKE" king minuscule appeasement
     of my body, mind,
     and spirit triage during)
     hell...shove (shelve) aside
such gloriously noble benighted role,
    amidst upending folktale

re: King Arthur and His Knights
     of the Round Table
     futilely searching for holy grail
where steadfast conviction
     emboldens this heart and hale
spirited mindful,
     sincere hard drive spurs
    (neigh saying horse

     sense of mine)
     where ambition saddled
     to air (dan sing) quailing,
yen propelling (yours truly),
     with sincere humanitarian,
     (i.e. blood driven)
     philanthropic spiritual zeal,
     I tried to unveil,

this reasonably rhyming thumbnail
sketch poetically versatile
within this spurious verse despite
     any trials undermining travail
rather mine heart felt genuine
     motive fueled by impetus
to contribute within e kale
logi, fizzy hollow gee, humanity,

with integrity, magnanimity,
      and quality fervency,
while still adept, adroit,
     agile, and alert,
     (cuz America needs more lerts
     to become great again)
     ironically steel tougher than nails,
     duh pleating ability dovetail
to bug (or wug) gee wholesale.
seems like ole man winter
     aint finished doing business
whereat get dem self up
     in fine fetters and cuss
madly jabbing, gesticulating,
     and damning e pluribus

conveniently, deliberately,
     and selectively forgetting about unum
until...cupboards bare wren,
     emergency food stash

     mice eaten, and refrigerator empty
and there you stand with a growling tum
hmm...perhaps hastening to the wine cellar
scrambling for a jug of ***

which ample downing might be
     a panacea to hibernate,
     and deeply slum
burr until dawg days of summer,

when fruit trees bursting,
     and being alive feels plum
ripe with nary a worry in the world,
     oh...mebbe best to telephone mum

(real name Chrys Anthem),
     and share cornucopia
     as life for thee goes hum
ming along swimmingly

and haint nuttin tuff heal glum
about, now take another sip
     and breathe in from
smorgasbord mother nature didst spread

     vibrant flora and fauna
     sights and sounds rhythmically,    
     poetically, and hypnotically drum,
where the prevailing mood

     finds one markedly chum
     me scales fall from ones's eyes,
     a former ***
     er, and skool of hard knocks alum,

now just kick back
     and become seduced
while listening
     to the chick hens roost

scampering, grunting,
     and buzzing capers moost
pleasant since renaissance
     of spring loosed.
(house sand zero, and own nine)

Wine hot ja... jes... justa bead devout
boo... boos...***** hound 'n
frog *** (hic cup) bout...
new yea ears rez: hill loo... dang

(burp) louche huns, eh an...,
and beg... agh hen ah nee new wheel 'ear
as zha roosting gadabout
fra... fru... froom this ska...
ski... skid... row... man hunk scout,

ah so... sub... sober chip... er ...,little
tea...poe... *** short and stout
er... chap, cuz in necks stay...hm...
here...ism handle, and thar hiz muss spout
oh...ha rill lee odd doubt

y'all 'member wha...whi...
whoa, what 'prom says 'eed shout
th... hiss hex 'spurt advice
fro...fru...framed dis lout, yea?

What a difference (in meaning), clear
as hub ba hell...(belch) bell jar quake
obvious, (when one not pull lath ta heard) ,
my...er re... rev vol ting... lush 'n not be opaque,
one alphabetic character doth make
duff France sans, the nineteenth versus twenty

first letter of English... lake
really awesome man, how dog nabit,
I could hood **...hu... hoof accomplished...
rather steal piece o'@$$ er...rather tastykake
alm high ghouls when hide goot awake!

As somewhat (hmm...) not so evident,
one need not be a rocket
surgeon, or brain scientist
visa viz mastercard ****
at effect of one sprocket...
nor a judge explaining gobbledygook

of law to witness in docket,
cuz this po boy haint moost
richly endowed in his pocket,
nor talented ska, rocksteady,
or reggae tunesmith
never earning any moolah, but forced to sell
off each dreaded locket.

Fellow Americans, this poetaster
lacking hocus pocus
not merely here tubby chiefly
as time waster, with locus
of airy mission to plant sole

lee seeded to shift your focus
from aimining to satisfy reVolution verse us
impossible mission couched
as reSolution lest ye be deemed
moost laughable joker, who makes major fuss!
this anonymous weaver spun written tapestry
to acknowledge ninetieth plus longevity year
no matter this author unknown, who deftly tries to weave
(for pete sakes) with english poetry
where rhyming threads fire away (from axons to neurons)
at warp speed way out there
attempting to coalesce into
semblance of comprehension from non other than me
a veritable stranger, who considers
ye huff hoke icon, that hoop fully destiny will spare

until one grain of sand takes thee
to eternal blue skies astride astral throne like king henry
with minstrelsy folks housed
the memories hermetically sealed place
thy father’s razed mansion no longer poised far and near
intent to discern adroit banjo finger
picking plucky talent admission for all – free,
whose eponymous trademark je nais sais quois
legendary voice rang like a bell jar in the air.

unsure if this epistle (possibly coming across
as mixed up) like mish mashed verse
ye might arrange and rearrange into a song
living in the country of upstate new york state
epitomizing spartan holistic existence somewhere
over the rainbow with hefty purse
exemplifying decades of fame and fortune
that odds on favorite moost did highly rate
your fount of endless lyrical musical natural playing style

auditory tunes ears did immerse
themselves from just one man’s hand
whether newlyweds who did marry a loving mate
or others exhaling final breath
afore crossing river jordan inside the hearse
while convoy chants favorite chorus abiyoyo
with standard amen for the late
mortal, whereby such preferential fanfare
for loss of precious friend family doth curse.

since thee became deceased no great expectations (by dickens)
feedback will be forth coming to this average joe
who chose to plunk himself down here
and simply let spontaneity take full rein
this spur of the moment ode
(perhaps difficult to comprehend),
oaf hello you will never know
and travel down shady lane

(more akin to boulevard of broken dreams) in the main
with elusive passion to live in tandem with nature
whereby garden this dad could ***
reaping from sweat of thine brow afterward
upon festival of flowers this body will be lain
but spouse prepared siesta meal,
hence now end this rambling poem to go,
ponder trials and tribulations whilst in need to feed body and brain.

NO MATTER YE PASSED AWAY, I ENJOYED
YOUR SATISFIED MUSICALLY INCLINED MIND
AND WISHED THE WEBBED WIDE WORLD FILLED
WITH MORE OF YOUR KIND.
every March seventeenth, the glint froom
a perverted imp finds me achin'
and if aye dig deep enough,
this Goyish pseudo judo day yo criss chin

can figuratively unearth a puckish
   (gnome like) elfish sprite
   with a layer ring ga Erin
which byte size (key) ah man able troll
   help pan for treasure hunters

   plume bing the underworld
   with his (aye farm lee bull eve
   moost har male) sly grin
stirring thy faux set (head)
   feigned Irish with in
new mutter nada trace,

   (boot perhaps juiced an iota)
   o' Brogue kin
Celtic gene found
   within me genealogical tree,
   an itty bitty min
newt chromosomal thread,
   (which with assistance of Crispr)
   i.e., a more discerning Quaker can pin

point how this predominantly
   (decrepit ole coot)
   Semitic baby boomer tub hoot
(whale hugging
   ma gude look four leaf Shamrock)
   can locate long buried loot

according to legend
   (plus devout avid fervent
   Irish Aunt Fib B. Hen
   aka Sally Salamander Newt)
doth avail her excitement to help up root

(perhaps revisiting a previously dug oop ditch)
maybe treasure undetected
   cuz ova technical,
   and/or mechanical glitch

truth to the tantalizing myth
   whar hike can hitch
   my dreams to a morning star,
   that would make a par man rich
and put an end
   to mine fingers that hoo twitch

which i roan nick pie rite (of quartz)
   alluding to healthy appetite,
sans tea zing alluring
   (whet started as byte)
size nar invisible craving,
  
   which fantasy easily didst excite
(necessitating yars true lee) to don robe of foo fight
tar, yet persistent and nagging lust didst light
lore (akin to un hearth thing
   *** o' gold at rainbow's end),

   cuz hum ma penniless plight
   such dogged pursuit, a mirage,
   whereat aye drool in plain sight
thus conk clue ding this
   hip poe eponymous droning pome
   though, tis plenti mo' hie hood write!
Attuned and listening closely
     when this bag
     o' bones needs to dial z's
else...lack of requisite rest,
     could find this ole
(of lix orbits) to wheeze
finds me recollecting one unique
     (Harriet Harris) quaint aphorism

     uttered by said
     late mum her ashes
     long since scattered
     among incorporated Arcola trees
such as no reason
     to call doctor
     for every **** and sneeze,
thus moost recent 'bout

     feeling physically
     unwell, dis please
zing me Matthew Scott Harris
     to heal mine
     (sic), feeling unwell
     spending no monies
disinclined to contact
     white coated Jeez

hiss Bus driver
     never finds himself
     linkedin with golly
ma free trappings
     constituting sterile medical
     community, but dee
pends on ambient latent healing
     power within self

     which rest and writing
     poetry moost times alee
vee eights, thus bringing
     an unexpected conclusion
     (with...maybe a
     skull king minor
     hemorrhaging concussion)
to this dollop dosage

     viz literary purgative
which vitality restoration
     via resting asper more
      exhaustion than usual
     quality sleep a guarantor to live.
an inner conflict dust brew
within this scribe, who offers ye to chew
(like sweet treats metaphorically) thee do
tee incumbent, when Doomsday clock
     counts down minutes few

according Al Gore rhythm  
     unstoppably ticking,
     when life gets turned to global goo
tenderized viz Doctor Zeus

     if not Horton Hears Hoo
then most definitely The Lorax
     (couching urgent morals underscored
     by satellite photographs

     showing melting icecaps or igloos,
which planetary sos, sans in extremis
     requires joint effort of Gentile and Jew,
plus every other sectarian credo,

     dogma, ethos...knew
clear family, and whatnot
     to become linkedin with Linda Loo
yes, we moost not forget

     Old McDonald with his moo
moo there bovine creatures
     agedly hobbling along, or new
lee born, cuz juiced one day

     per three hundred and sixty five
     (six with leap year -
     imagine dragons festooned leotard
     with brand name Oroblu)

or poor ole Whinny The  Pooh
eternally stuck in Rabbit's
     hole sum Hutch as a queue
doth loosely form dreaming up and rue

mien hating solution
     (burning the midnight oil) true
lee trying to remedy plight
     of said bear character,

     perhaps unstated message being woo
king in tandem solutions to resolve
     wretched condition of world wide web
     possible by bridging differences
     between me and you, and you, and you...
hello

a gal who regularly wires
and treads by ap ply ying instant feed that tires
meself to spin (and/or doctor aa previous write
   cuz, mum Madge gin nation
   flecked with a notion of Elizabeth Squires,
whose literary appetite requires
meat hoo summon all my brain cells -
   exhausting mental effort forces hires
help full doppelganger for whatever
   supplemental effort this chap re choirs.

:。✿゚‘゚・✿.。.i'm a geico caveman  
.:。✿
゚‘゚・✿.。..:。✿*゚‘゚・✿.。.

Enter prize zing wit

read none, some, or all the following aye writ
   eight nine two nine while i ad mitt
to be upon porcelain goddess,
a brilliant idea in mind did lit
   though not b4 this seasoned bugs bunny
   car tune character son of blank kit -

a trickster - took me as raw pressed dough
   n proof pork **** rib rocked
   instant karma bitta bing bitta bang - loosed ten chin
   n wrought genesis as son of well bread Inuit  -
   igloo cradled helix nomad,
   which gene net turn pronounced me a beatnik
   b4 i went on the road - imagination
   fired up with fleeting thoughts, that softly hit
futilely attempting tin nay shuss lee
   by skein of teeth, er...dentures, they flit
nonetheless, I yam a poet favoring words that rhyme a bit.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

iambic pentameter strands crochet themselves
   magically into verse
interleaving like boughs of an arbor
   stellar solar shield entombing solitary soul
   ***** wonk ah shaky spear shafts of sunlight dapple
   the canopy affecting shadows to disperse
ebbing and flowing in tandem & sync
   ably built circadian metronome
   doth oscillate rousing trolling minstrel
   transformed by hypnotic tolling serenade
   from mother nature snapchatting son
   sans, eternal sleep tightens with scythe lent funereal curse
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

congregating amongst distinguished
   flora and fauna, the latter sending tendrils
poised on brink of philosophical revelation
   delicate as hocked china
which capricious metaphorical musings as a minority
reporter - resurrected and crowd-sourced from propriety
devoid of vicious evocations, nor premonitions
while ensconced in eyesight viz myopic quality
of my adobe dwelling away from mass of society
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

whence return of this native
   Norwegian bachelor wannabe son
   doth pond door, what lake woebegone harbors
   garrison against madding crowd,
   who cease, dwindle n evaporate
   less than effect of a mosquito
   needling proboscis in nape o me neck,
this contemplative human being
   feels leaves of grass like
   a tea zing whit tilling man wit spindle
   completing colorful pastoral palette
   of utmost verdant splendor upon flotsam speck
allowing wisps of euphoria to warm tinder psyche
   easing books set afire to kindle
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

under azure mortise tenon soundcloud
   rigged tenebrous vault
the entire warp and woof one mortal male
   lies beneath celestial sphere transfixed vista
   akin to primates who preceded him
millenniums forebears
   moost likely similarly inebriated
   from wondrous panoply of one star
comprises a near infinite candelabra
   guiding ma mind to posit infinite universe.

      
Ach'n (ache Ken) Existential Struggle...

(NOT by Bellini, Paganini, Rossini...
Eeny Meany Miney Moe - si,
nor the three stooges tee hee hee)

twill never end till...this oft writ trend
of mine will never end,
only when...mortality
ike'n no longer defend!

Thus...once again, (or...as per usual),
this poem iz a boot
ruminations about bout,
who else except this ole coot
at das receiving end ******
lifetime role, and goot

raw end of deal, sans docks side of
moon efficient intervention
(teachers never gave a hoot)
as they appeared oblivious,
how moost all classmates did loot

mine emotional account, viz
cheap trick super ***** ping coot
tees reviled, renounced,
and wreaked havoc as root
of all misfortunate previous

to mine existence,
as iced (sic culled) hood
reaper remained mute
and scythe lent,
while (cue in dolorous)

melody issued from
Mose Arts magic flute,
whereat serpent (also known
in political circles as
Sally Salamander Newt

Gingrich) charmed goaded,
and relentlessly needled
Eve with snake hushed snoot,
thenceforth viper got ramrod
rigid taut as jute

of course this a fallacy as
just smore hove my fruit
fully "FAKE" pre fabric hated
discombobulated trumpeting ill suit
head prevarications – more

offal than glute
tee us expulsion, donned
as invisible faux poetic
apparel clothing with astute
cheeky effects,  thus allowing,
enabling, and providing

adapt tub bull usage as zoot suit,
or as space age jumpsuit,
when I travel (with my cute Malamute
outsize prairie dog like fine home
companion) to the outer limits

of the twilight zone,
which groovy farout signals
detected by vodafone
and desperate plea made
to aliens to abduct me

(receiving an affirmative
digital binary tone)
similarly couched courtesy of publishers,
unlike the negative responses,

predictably forecast, no complex koan
but clear as day -
inducing a slight inward moan,
which figurative slap in face

finding yours figuratively prone,
hence...a recurring well known
fantasy regarding plucking
this chicken (198920) heart lee
moss see rolling stone.
Hub bomb bin hubble emotional wreckage
tell tale signs of internal war
ah, there moost be lifelong conspiracy
afoot for a Galician voar

try as I might to Lyft myself
out of penury...this Uber
scribe reckons way back when,
my life took a irrecoverable dee tour,

tis neither pity nor philanthropic succor
this poor man asks,
but just the chance to roar
(albeit within structures of silence)

shaky psychological scaffolding
built from shabby and poor
Scottish matted Harris tweed
material re: mailhouse order

(same as me bartered bride)
assembly required blueprints defied
comprehension, and thus...only my
into whoosh shin as singular guide,

which puzzling quandary sorely
tested frustration, I could not hide
overstressed mental cogs, and
wheels issued steam from inside

the bowels (ah... oh...
moving) within this, nor
thorn prickly human being, more
or less condemned to live
in this mancave, where folklore...
I don't believe that bupkis,
about some ****

rubble, but...nonetheless,
yours truly unable to account
for this...friggin landmine miss fore
chin, where nuttin boot

this misanthrope jammed
in a hole like EEyore
moost all bajillion years living in the dark...
as if... yeah ****** in the core

of a black hole, thus
the best available
explanation given destiny did ride
me roughshod into the maw of despair,

now no matter these gnarled
arthritic hands unable to...
ugh...heave **...grunt
purportedly nada so easy slide

anatomical pieces together
according to schematic
drawing, aye tried,
hence best this crabby hermit vied
to be condemned remaining separated
(since birth), sans
webbed world infinitely wide.
Equals twenty one thirty 22:30 military time
future time traveler looks back one century ago,
oceanic waterways overladen with green slime,
yours truly attempted crafting id est feeble rhyme
far from madding crowd, nevertheless yet lovely
bones and flesh quite spry, still considered prime
(moost procreative, prodigious, and progressive)

stage, since (case ye didn't know) approximately
eight score orbitz round Earth's sun still noontime
chronologically analogous to protracted lunchtime
whereat the average offspring jetson or (daughter)
can be sweet as apple pie or sour as lemon or lime
cell metabolism catalytic converter courtesy enzyme
routine medical procedure costs about one dime.

Me - born fifty nine years into twentieth century alive
eight score and three years secret condiment iz chive
and well (still hashtagged as precocious) with drive
to safely, sidestep, and surmount establishmentarian
archaic, formulaic, and mosaic Judaic/Christian hive
found synchronicity within Unitarian Church more so
parents introduced dogmatic, ethic, fundamentalistic
jargonistic, kinetic, linguistic, pluralistic, quixotic I've
discovered compatibility with non religious teaching

wry master of words (me) take poetic license to jive
reasonably rhyming nope heart tickle early misthrive
moost definitely ***** deeds done dirt cheap (trick)
super tramping space cowboy lobbing power-drive
re: frequently innocent prelapsarian double entendre
(Jean Jacques Rousseau) Noble Savage he doth strive
even though hanky panky tinged entire his/her story,
**** sapiens animal husbandry hastily did wive.

Formalities encompass chalice lighting ma yoyo
wing liberal Democratic political bent embraces XO
shorthand for virtual affectionate charisma minister
Reverend Margret O'Neal imparts open greeting
congregation Sunday at ten thirty AM courtesy zoom
bajillion years after proto humans experienced woe
countless figurative early Brady bunched bro doggie
dimples encountered necessity to escape cohabitation
(marital covenant alien), yet quasi marital brouhaha
ofttimes witnessed altercation begetting re: thorough
out baby with bath water phenomena, which literal
cruel fate heavily peppered past (mine) accounting

lamely explaining Pink Floyd momentary status quo
upended accompanied courtesy lapse of reason no
definitive evidence to substantiate claim, yet I know
without shadowed doubt every friggin forebear (***
pining to savor manumission, versus cotton pickin)
back breaking stoop labor think indentured escrow
harking back to days of our lives (mainly bonobo
nasty, short and brutus creatures millenniums ago
unsung simian kindred beings suffering figurative
ruffled horse feathers nsync with bird in hand dodo

which latter species long extinct (as Dutch good eats)
now non sequitur (sea quitter) mine homeboys/girls
comprising Harris eventual clan (of craven lionized
"scapegoats" set genealogical precedent, and grew
some real winners gentiles, who commingled and
intermarried, and united proudly to kvetch as Jew)
eventually acquiring redeeming qualities conveniently
best caricatured as features exhibited by Mister MaGoo
invariably dear reader "fake" anecdote ye will poo poo
as well how storied and fabled coronavirus (COVID-19)
medical technicians reference quaint pandemic setting

figurative global stage brethren and sistern microbes
made webbed, wide world wish for said good ole days
cuz, communiqué done being crafted about six hours
marine hated, armies of beastie boys slain 2122 yahoo
the darndest, latest microscopic bugaboo nearly slew
entire population, hence envision terra firma with
divine providence absolute zero people as edenic
provenance (metaphorically offering tabula rasa view.
ever since **** Sapiens didst
   insinuate, elbow and barge
humanity at the mercy sans, small, medium
   (Strunk and White) elemental forces at large
which indiscriminate merciless whims extant
ask Homer Simpson or Marge
g'head and even tap
   a local, county, or state Sarge

gent on the shoulder, cuz
   he or she would moost likely agree
that this Month (predicated
   on The Gregorian calendar me

didst axe Mister Google, 
   (who **** courtesy enough prithee)
to validate premise about 
   when Time Construct came a boot re:

(named after Pope Gregory XIII, who 
   introduced it in October fifteen eighty two)
from that date to present, 
   the most widely ant queue

    test used civil calendar, and when brand new
(involved approximately 0.002% correction knew
   this margin of error in length 
   of Julian calendar year) allowing hue

man accurate measurement passage 
   as days, weeks, months...elapsed 
   unimportant to the average Joe
(not quite five hundred years ago) 
   returning home on his emu
no matter the gender named Matthew

cuz this flightless fast-running bird dinned,
poe whit lorry yet (wannabe) 
   nose tubby directed related door sill finned
dog gone harassed primate hoo haint sinned
graced with sir name Harris, 
   and gladly boasts being full of wind

which trivia finds this barred bard 
 (as iz his usual wont 
   i.e. digress sing 
   from primary col lord thread)

from initial intent, vis a vis, 
   how all life forms stretching 
   within the bounds of quisling
to an affable, convivial, and filial King
Crimson (reddit in the face), 

yet knew everything like kin ace
that comprised tome base 
comprise zing knowledge booking (to chase
winter blues) at getaway grace

fully at Bedrock Cave 
   with proprietors of said place 
Barney Rubble and Fred Flintstone 
   offered ample space
to discuss preparations to cope 
   with onset of infrequent roaring blizzard 
   (via ominous clouds that didst trace)

plus minimizing setbacks affecting 
   the then most advanced stone age 
during wrathful outbursts from beige
flesh toned gabbing Goddess, 

   whose gentle giantess goodness, 
   one could gauge
which genteel manners evident 
   also asper her page

gave inside information, 
   how to batten down hatches
   while tethered like a puppet 
   on the then much younger global stage.
Brainstorming, concentrating
panning... for poem
idea shattered brew
tilly by deafening seasonal
greensward cutting crew
contracted throughout summer to mow

leaves of grass
every Tuesday, which drew
attention toward fragrant aroma
seeping into nostrils
of me - match hew,
heavily negated true

quiescence courtesy ear splitting
soundcloud of driving
mowers even moo
ving bovines would
clap cloven hooves
over soft as lambs wool

sensitive hearing micro corkscrew
innards, viz their *****
shaped audiological
anatomical accouterments -
cow word lee lowing Jew
pitter Io sliver by jove whew

once silence returns
(after cessation rip snorting bedlam)
savoring the hum of nature anew,
and moost likely relish
fresh cut leaves of grass
as I inhale analogous

delectable waft of homebrew
albeit molecules borne aloft
after sharp heavy duty blades
of industrial riding mowers bestrew
higglety pigglety, helter skelter
juicy fruit chlorophyll rich

plants releasing nectar
sweet as honeydew
olfactory imbibing nostalgic view
of yesterday, when agrarian farmsteads
populated landscape picturesquely
anointing, exuding, messaging...

perfuming faint clue
intimating rural lifestyle forebears
hapt tubby privy too,
where deer and antelope played
unaccosted by impending urbanization,
hence such idyllic serene rue
man nation - visage you

would probably concur
as most divine comity
worth more than any buckeroo
could purchase - vestiges vanishing
without a trace adieu
mother nature nowhere found
except caged up within zoo.
Who (on a lark) doth
     spur my distant soul
     fully bellowed ahoy
quickly hastening
     ye to catfish
     as a way to avoid
     this beastie boy
wherein America playfulness

     of generic gull versus buoy
ought tubby coy,
where thee
     (latter days haint)
     feeble, (non fable us)
jerry-rig mock up employ
appetizing as pâté de foie
gras, flavored for

     tastebuds of goy
opposed to dietary
     strictures of Jew,
     moost likely christening
     implies holier than thou
(especially, asper those hoy
tee toy
tee upscale rich folk)

     proudly prideful mensch
     linkedin kindling joy
de vivre, while
quietly dwelling stoke
king traditions ensconced, poke
king and prodding youngest
     generation to become
rooted like mighty oak,

     within their mini mansions,
     and attending synagogue,
solemn non joke
kingly seriously
     commingling, congregating,
     and copulating plenti
     fully, while livingsocial
     at least among other rich folk,

     sans Mainline, Pennsylvania
a cohesive family tribe
     dispersed members of Zion
prompting this atheistic
     scribe try'n
to fathom long gone - NEIN
     never forgotten Semitic
village people (mine

ancestry, who hailed and
     harkened from Eastern Europe
wonder on this
     eightieth anniversary,
of Kristallnacht, where genocide

cleft a jagged line,
where ponders thyself
     countless relations
     haunting as I dost
     eat, sleep or dine!
A hardy acknowledgement yessiree
to the blessed sister Amelie worthy
of such beloved, devoted,
feted husband Rich truly
bestowed predicated upon
random chain of events

i.e., accidental, biological,
and genealogical happenstance prithee
applauding, apprising, and appraising key
kith and kin flavoring, enlightening,
and charming every
life ye and said spouse...

chance circumstance doth avail
your lucky charms to recipients receive detail
impossible mission to annotate here,
nonetheless with gusto courtesy
gratitude yours truly does exhale
regarding unconditional loving

creatures great and small
unbridled zeal without fail
truevalue analogous, yet exceeding
fine spun gold woolworth paltry holy grail,
nor can infinite wordsworth express hale
low, and brotherly love,
(equals at the least $20.00)

an introspective male
i.e. me, whose recent keen awareness
of vital specialness doth prevail
when a little boy quivering
scared as baby quail
his older sister genuinely

ranked high on importance scale
emotionally caring despite many travail
experienced by prodigal son
of Boyce and Harriet,
who frequently if not always did veil
steaming, roiling, quaking...
blubbering like a whale

Ahab oft times admit floundering chick
hen daring to venture metaphorical
unfamiliar muddy waters
unlike legendary Moby ****
thrashing restless legs vainly kick
starting how to live think
lost at figurative sea

with nary an iota
abandoning ship lick
kitty split never trying
to overcome self doubt
when chased, teased and easily
trounced by bullies quick
as greased lightning
to cower on all fours

calling out for Ranger Rick
(or other unsung hero),
whose highlighted schtick
nowhere in sight, thus I got treated
analogous as some cheap trick
praying for salvation,
ye thence fended off beastie boys

(poetic liberty I take)
as veritable hooligans
threatened with wick
cud lee to thrash hide of
Matthew Scott imposing arbitrary
eminent domain despite
supposedly safe sanctified bailiwick.
Circa April 17th, 2120, or 1820 military time,
yours truly attempted crafting id est feeble rhyme
far from madding crowd, nevertheless yet lovely
bones and flesh quite spry, still considered prime
(moost procreative, prodigious, and progressive)

stage, since (case ye didn't know) approximately
eight score orbitz round Earth's sun still noontime
chronologically analogous to protracted lunchtime
whereat the average offspring jetson or (daughter)

Born twenty years into twenty second century alive
and well (still hashtagged as precocious) with drive
to safely, sidestep, and surmount establishmentarian
archaic, formulaic, and mosaic Judaic/Christian give
wry master of words (me) take poetic license to jive
reasonably rhyming nope heart tickle early misthrive

moost definitely ***** deeds done dirt cheap (trick)
super tramping space cowboy lobbing power-drive
re: frequently innocent prelapsarian double entendre
(Jean Jacques Rousseau) Noble Savage he doth strive
even though hanky panky tinged entire his/her story,
**** sapiens animal husbandry hastily did wive.

Bajillion years after proto humans experienced woe
countless figurative early Brady bunched bro doggie
dimples encountered necessity to escape cohabitation
(marital covenant alien), yet quasi marital brouhaha
ofttimes witnessed altercation begetting re: thorough

out baby with bath water phenomena, which literal
cruel fate heavily peppered past (mine) accounting
lamely explaining Pink Floyd momentary status quo
upended accompanied courtesy lapse of reason no

definitive evidence to substantiate claim, yet I know
without shadowed doubt every friggin forebear (***
pining to savor manumission, versus cotton pickin)
back breaking stoop labor think indentured escrow
harking back to days of our lives (mainly bonobo

nasty, short and brutus creatures millenniums ago
unsung simian kindred beings suffering figurative
ruffled horse feathers nsync with bird in hand dodo
which latter species long extinct (as Dutch good eats)

now non sequitur (sea quitter) mine homeboys/girls
comprising Harris eventual clan (of craven lionized
"scapegoats" set genealogical precedent, and grew
some real winners gentiles, who commingled and
intermarried, and united proudly to kvetch as Jew)

eventually acquiring redeeming qualities conveniently
best caricatured as features exhibited by Mister MaGoo
invariably dear reader "fake" anecdote ye will poo poo
as well how storied and fabled coronavirus (COVID-19)

medical technicians reference quaint pandemic setting
figurative global stage brethren and sistern microbes
made webbed, wide world wish for said good ole days
cuz, communique done being crafted about six hours

marine hated, armies of beastie boys slain 2120 yahoo
the darndest, latest microscopic bugaboo nearly slew
entire population, hence envision terra firma with
divine providence absolute zero people as edenic
provenance (metaphorically offering tabula rasa view.
Whit dat tight till - say
yes, aye wool thank ewe
mooch at least for today
hoof fully (this Joe kerr)
can easily bide his time weigh
beef **** rammy cows come home.

Meantime India interim
lemme clover - reaching
far out on dam moost precarious limb,
bot do nut inspect me tub bark prim
and proper, nor procrastinate for tim
marrow, cause spontaneous whim

will lose heft, no matter how inane
poetic palaver could by then
elude ding me noggin to explain
nebulous jibber jabber hokey folderol
even confusing to a Great Dane

a dog (of course)
man's/woman's beast friend,
not hounding visa vis discovering
you improperly verb (bait him)
bone a fied with noun (sense)

barking up wrong tree
dangling modifier as gerund
faux paws and inquisitive,
nonetheless countenance do lend
sincere cachet gnome hatter compared

to average superficial **** sapien
said former doggone creature just thru
****** expression can mend
"broken" heart and soul,
which rhyming tangent did send

yours truly off scent, asper initial trend
actually truth be told, no paw tickle har
matter, I sought to sink teeth into,
but let babbling stream of consciousness wend,

where petty full extemporaneous tooting
oh my didgeridoo, which initially scares
the dickens out gills of hooting
blowfish until they recognize

this bloke juiced pooting
air thru a long wooden tube, be yule
then their piousness piqued to pisces,
gather together as if attending school
always mindful to follow

the goldenfish rule
i.e. aldi tom not erring,
floundering, and getting
tricked, royally suckered, and

hooked becoming gruel
resulting within tummy higher
up the feeding chain,
survival of dragnets cruel.

fission expedition for
salmon to hope fillet
enjoys almost done hook,
line and sinker - hooray,
sans to steal mental energy,
and precious time may

king another reason to be
persnickety and every ray
zen to be guarded, when
wading in cyber seas tay
king precautions, once
I return from Uruguay.
Two hundred and forty six plus months
into twenty first century celeb
and anonymous folks alike
gripped courtesy pestilence re: deb
buckle fishtailed, looped, roughed up...
wreaks/wrought havoc across world wide web.

As a secular humanist, I ponder
what (if any) benefit accrued
above any commentary,
yours truly applauds every first responder
as dazed and befuddled stricken wonder...

Explanation, whereby those
espousing religious bent
might attribute global pandemic
moost definitely Earth shaking event
particularly raining down

upon **** sapiens with merciless intent
indiscriminately mowing down,
perhaps... (albeit figuratively) meant
as object lesson... benignly to rent
asunder excessiveness smugness
that doth xcent...

Persons who don egotism
also dare trumpet
absolutism, despotism, elitism,
nepotism, sycophantism, vigilantism...

green lighting (within
red light district) strumpet
paying top dollar to secure former
in league with costliest, sweetist,
and tastiest crumpet.

Virtue and/or admirable human behavior
discerned amidst helter skelter
as moost every sequestered behind closed door
ooh, how challenging for parent(s)

to occupy child less than four
impossible mission to explain ****
roar to the smartest kid, who
most often focuses on self de jure

nevertheless prime opportunity
hashing, learning, sharing...
genealogical folk-lore
more (most) challenging
busying young adults
thank dog me two daughters grown more

independent (at ages 21 and 23 respectively),
versus yours truly
when he still lived at home
with his papa and mama
yearning to live alone
on island paradise way offshore.

I spent interminable and unaccountable
time hermetically sealed within bedroom
imagination roaming courtesy
reading material delving,
futilely escaping doom,

nonetheless luxuriating, plunging... foredoom
think wrath of livid mama and papa,
their embarrassing genetic heirloom
sole son with more'n faulty jibboom
upon me ship of state,
where dark shadows still loom.

Though booth progeny of mine
spared similar fate, and youngest
(behaviorally challenged, perhaps
influenced courtesy Aquarius sign
regarding developmental delay)
while she on furlough

(considered valuable employee
walks along straight dedicated line
at World Market - Bend, Oregon)
these days... motivates
herself walking off calories
after self prepared hearty repast,
she doth dine.
Dire straits necessitated
yours truly to bethink
outside the box (literally outdoors
of squarish structured nested dwelling),
where blinding albedo effect
forced me to blink,
additionally also ruffled tail feathers

of this sole surviving male bobolink
(North American songbird,
Dolichonyx oryzivorus)
pushing survival species
to extinction brink,
thus series of unfortunate events
woke resident chewink
(North American bird,

Pipilo erythrophthalmus
also called: towhee
or ground-robin),
tweeted from within
his cozy armoire *****
polar vortex froze habitat,
whereby arctic wind found
brushy areas to clink

unwittingly brambles ferocious
waving circular rotation
wrought minuscule countersink
eh, no bigger than a cufflink
his ornate bejeweled complex edifice
compliments of sizable income
allowed, enabled, and provided
opportunity in tandem

with significant other
to create acronym named ****
(dual income without kid)
acquiring handsome combined income
rendering and selling stylized goldfinch
also known as distelfink
common motif in
hex signs and fraktur,

which interpretive native folk art
eye state meaningless
without rhyme nor reason,
superfluous gibberish by George,
and/or...well... courtesy
following more purposeless gobbledygook
defying poetaster to incorporate doublethink
intelligently nsync with downlink

playfully, jauntily, and deliberately
creating confounding badinage eyewink
at thee, no doubt many
an anonymous innocent
reader calling me ratfink
under their breath or more
colorful brutal appellation
inducing cheeks of unknown followers
turning fifty plus shades of firepink

moost definitely concurring gink
perfectly apropos description
concluded individually versus
collectively, quickly, and
unanimously i.e. (think) groupthink
I approve this entire message, which
most likely tinders pet peeve,
concluding GoDaddy liberally did hoodwink.
Strong armed marshall law decrees
(at a buoy good gull... lance)
across airwaves blare
constant detrimental exhortation
buzzfeeding populace analogous
to pollination instinctively
wrought courtesy bumblebees

to help combat
mortal pandemic disease
explaining governmental freeze
industries shuttered just ask jeeves
who will corroborate
deadly symptoms characterized

by severe chills inducing knocked knees
stricken unfortunate victim
beseeches with plaintive pleas
as their feverish body temperature
surpasses bajillion degrees
innoculation looms closer on horizon

as fatigued learned scientists squeeze
every detail how coronavirus (COVID-19)
transmitted, disseminated, contracted...
moost definite deadly germs spread,
when one and/or individual doth sneeze,
meanwhile palliative care workers seize

every opportunity to appease
tortured souls (suffering
worse fate than death),
plus plumb depths how said microbes'
molecular and/or atomic biochemical keys
activate, integrate, propagate...

painstaking labor to scrutinize and tease
burning midnight oil exhaustive energies
altruistic individuals ofttimes sustaining
their weary lovely bones
with crackers and cheese

moost likely forgoing adequate sustenance
also robbing sleep slowly
transforming them into zombies
apropos trailing appellation
describing unnaturally surreal spooky
haunting spectre as people
perish in twos and threes

mystery if initial epicenter
pinpointed among Chinese,
or perpetrated (my hunch) perhaps by aliens
slightly resembling infinitesimal
peace loving groovy hippies
pervasive during nineteen sixties.
Temporarily engrossed
     with some routine
     activity with aplomb
(such as dismantling
     an atomic bomb)
every now, and

     again these myopic
     (brown) eyes regularly glanced
     at the clock calm
lee aware of traversing,
     thru space/time continuum,
     for no apparent

     reason, (or rhyme)
     I suddenly felt ****
founded, and struck
     with quirky query,
     asper, whence upon
     whatever revelation

     did the passage of seconds,
     minutes, or hours did ham
handedly become codified,
     delineated, and etched
     allowing, enabling,
     providing humans

     to fritter away life
     in a traffic jam
hence, ewe may
     **** head sideways,
     or bleat me like a lamb
moost likely breaking out

     [with the verse a ram...sam...sam
     Guli guli guli guli guli ram sam sam
     A ram sam sam, a ram sam sam
     Guli guli guli guli guli ram sam sam
     A rafiq, a rafiq
     Guli guli guli guli guli ram sam sam
     A rafiq, a rafiq
     Guli guli guli guli guli ram sam sam]

perhaps, now even
     more so befuddled than before
by my challenge
     to communicate,
vizier, i.e., whether ye har
     sir man or ma'am

how the vista of
     the past present or future
     (oh...way before 'Nam!)
basically what conditions -

     also oh yea,
     way before Ram
mud Dan coalesced
     to beget getting the
     shed jewel for the tram
so as NOT tug *** supervisor
     to hit you with a WHAM!
I exhibit health and virility at one hundred and
64 years astride planet earth, whereby spouse,
(who remained married to yours truly for about
one century – which elapsed in blink of an eye)
long since gave up the ghost, which found me
receptive to possible mission to date women
(strong of body, mind, and spirit with frontier
spirit) young enough to be my granddaughter.  

Circa December 4th, 2123, or 1212 military time,
yours truly attempted crafting id est feeble rhyme
far from madding crowd, nevertheless yet lovely
bones and flesh quite spry, still considered prime
(moost procreative, prodigious, and progressive)
stage, since (case ye didn't know) approximately
eight score orbitz round Earth's sun still noontime
chronologically analogous to protracted lunchtime
whereat the average offspring jetson or (daughter)

Born twenty three years into twenty second century alive
and well (still hashtagged as precocious) with drive
to safely, sidestep, and surmount establishmentarian
archaic, formulaic, and mosaic Judaic/Christian give
wry master of words (me) take poetic license to jive
reasonably rhyming nope heart tickle early misthrive
moost definitely ***** deeds done dirt cheap (trick)
super tramping space cowboy lobbing power-drive
re: frequently innocent prelapsarian double entendre
(Jean Jacques Rousseau) Noble Savage he doth strive
even though hanky panky tinged entire his/her story,
**** sapiens animal husbandry hastily did wive.

Bajillion years after proto humans experienced woe
countless figurative early Brady bunched bro doggie
dimples encountered necessity to escape cohabitation
(marital covenant alien), yet quasi marital brouhaha
ofttimes witnessed altercation begetting re: thorough
out baby with bath water phenomena, which literal
cruel fate heavily peppered past (mine) accounting
lamely explaining Pink Floyd momentary status quo
upended accompanied courtesy lapse of reason no

definitive evidence to substantiate claim, yet I know
without shadowed doubt every friggin forebear (***
pining to savor manumission, versus cotton pickin)
back breaking stoop labor think indentured escrow
harking back to days of our lives (mainly bonobo
nasty, short and brutus creatures millenniums ago
unsung simian kindred beings suffering figurative
ruffled horse feathers nsync with bird in hand dodo
which latter species long extinct (as Dutch good eats)

now non sequitur (sea quitter) mine homeboys/girls
comprising Harris eventual clan (of craven lionized
"scapegoats" set genealogical precedent, and grew
some real winners gentiles, who commingled and
intermarried, and united proudly to kvetch as Jew)
eventually acquiring redeeming qualities conveniently
best caricatured as features exhibited by Mister MaGoo
invariably dear reader "fake" anecdote ye will poo poo
as well how storied and fabled coronavirus (COVID-19)

medical technicians reference quaint pandemic setting
figurative global stage brethren and sistern microbes
made webbed, wide world wish for said good ole days
cuz, communique done being crafted about six hours
marine hated, armies of beastie boys slain 2123 yahoo
the darndest, latest microscopic bugaboo nearly slew
entire population, hence envision terra firma with
divine providence absolute zero people as edenic
provenance (metaphorically offering tabula rasa view.
If royalty moost likely
spotlight ye would dodge
nonetheless anointed, deemed, granted...
within humble abode
of your lodge
most righteous, magnanimous, gracious...
among confrère noblesse oblige.

Methinks twas foolhardy of me
when joost a mere young man
(more'n half agoo me lifespan)
ye always acknowledging me birthdate,
(although tomorrow a day early,
and dollar long)
regarding thirteenth of Jan.

Your sisterly affection doth buoy
inside mine heart and soul
first born of three offspring
begat courtesy Boyce

and Harriet Harris handed lead role
par exemplar to officiate (figuratively)
filial obeisance, particularly
when older analogous to foal
abiding maternal horse sense, thus I extol.

As your brother, rhetorical question I ask
how often did thee deserve to bask
within metaphorical sunshine to exceed
regarding care and concern emotional task

tenderly "mothering" kith and kin,
ye divinely didst shew,
especially yours truly
now he dost rue
he rarely did communicate -
hermetically within his

hermetically sealed queue
detached, isolated, outsourced,
I may as well lived in Peru
(think Machu Picchu)
courtesy schizoid personality disorder
leavened, prepared, and sprinkled with

obsessive compulsiveness
for good measure ooh
and aah barely registered
consciousness, and knew
not what blessedness constituted hew
as tremendous precious jewel few

chore birthdays promise with clear clue
how ye go above and beyond
call of sisterly duty aware remaining life
(mine) would be far inadequate to accrue
equitable devotional, emotional,
and financial recompense.

Hence feeble attempt
to distill some essence
with words that appear
incomprehensible and dense,
cuz writing more comfortable

verses talking, which
often jabbering (more like a wookie)
(think fictional hirsute humanoids
in Star Wars universe)
often makes no cents.

Tempus fugit fleets at light speed
quasi immortality conferred as generations rebreed
all the while unwittingly transmitting indeed
idiosyncrasies, mutations, quarks... such as greed
myopia, selfishness... at death sorrow doth bleed.
The following poem tweaked
courtesy original author who crafted
literary endeavor some couple years ago.

Now circa August 20th, 2122,
or 1930 military time,
yours truly attempted
drafting id est feeble rhyme
far from madding crowd,
nevertheless yet lovely
bones and flesh quite spry,
still considered prime
moost procreative, prodigious,
professorial and progressive

stage coach, since he capitalized
palsied belles-lettres
(case ye didn't know) approximately
eight score plus orbitz round
Earth's sun still noontime
chronologically - analogous
to protracted lunchtime,
whereat in summer re:
an average offspring royal
jetson or judicious daughter

born twenty two years
into twenty second century alive
and well (still hashtagged
as precocious) with drive
to safely, sidestep,
and surmount establishmentarian
archaic, formulaic, and
mosaic Judaic/Christian give
wry master of words (me)
take poetic license to jive
reasonably rhyming nope
heart tickle early bird misthrive

moost definitely ***** deeds
done dirt cheap (trick)
super tramping space
cowboy hobbing lobbying power-drive
re: frequently innocent
prelapsarian double entendre
(Jean Jacques Rousseau)
Noble Savage he doth strive
even though hanky panky
tinged entire his/her story,
**** sapiens animal husbandry
hastily did (oh Henry) wive.

Bajillion years after
proto humans experienced woe
countless figurative early
Brady bunched bro doggie
dimples encountered necessity
to escape cohabitation
(marital covenant alien),
yet quasi unbridled brouhaha
ofttimes witnessed altercation
begetting re: thorough

out baby with
bath water phenomena, which literal
cruel fate heavily peppered past (mine,
piper who got quite petered out) accounting
lamely explaining Pink Floyd
momentary status quo
upended accompanied courtesy
lapse of reason no

definitive evidence to substantiate claim,
yet I know
without darkly shadowed doubt
every friggin forebear ***
pining to savor manumission,
versus cotton pickin
back breaking stoop labor
think indentured escrow
harking back as webbed wide world turns
to days of our lives mainly bonobo

nasty, short and brute
**** creatures millenniums ago
unsung bipedal simian
kindred beings suffering figurative
ruffled horse feathers nsync
with bird in hand dodo
which latter species
long extinct (as Dutch good eats)

now non sequitur (sea quitter)
mine homeboys/girls
comprising Harris eventual
clan of craven lionized
"scapegoats" set genealogical precedent,
and (fantastically grew
like nose of Pinocchio,
some real winners gentiles,
who commingled and
intermarried, and united proudly
to kvetch as Jew

eventually acquiring
redeeming qualities conveniently
best caricatured as features
exhibited by Mister MaGoo
invariably dear reader
"fake" anecdote ye will poo poo
as well how storied and fabled
coronavirus (COVID-19)

medical technicians reference
quaint pandemic setting
figurative global stage
brethren and cistern microbes
made webbed, wide world
wish for said good ole days
cuz, communique done
being crafted about six hours

marine hated, armies
of Linkin Park - foo fighting
beastie boys slayed 2122 yahoos,
the darndest, hastiest, latest,
paunchiest piloted
microscopic bugaboo nearly slew
entire population, hence
envision terra firma with
divine providence
absolute zero people as edenic
provenance metaphorically
offering tabula rasa view.
Across cyberspace,
the following epistle
yours truly (me) doth lob
as the figurative pressure
tightens on the virtual ****,
I would moost certainly benefit
from a part time job
hence this rather goofy atypical reply
crafted (at initial
ten plus years ago date)

following reasonable rhyme written
then gingerly trying
to remove pesky Windows kernel32 dll
or blue screen of death errors
(oh... how so yesterday)
(while gently inhaling) from
imaginary hand carved corn cob
from whittling fingers
of one named, (albeit alias) Mister Bob.

Anyway, this aspiring writer dejure
shoe lee mastered his a, b, c's
though during test time
experienced nonfatal forgetfulness disease
all my learning seemed to freeze
oh and although the following
non-sequitur added comment
moost likely irrelevant
back in the day o me early boyhood,
I passed thru initiation rite of passion

sans tickling ivory keys
in addition to learning
about human species,
whose relatively recent ancestors
incorporates caveman
argh gew hob bully naked ape,
who exhibited death defying feats
analogous to acrobat
holding fast to trapeze
of mine swung from sturdy trees
only pausing long enough
to smoke cigar and wheeze.

Additionally, I cobble, dabble
and gabble with double entendres, nibble
and tinker with byte sized words
monosyllabic terms
like this or that
as my pedigreed intellectual toy
with an intent
to affect, invoke and joke
with intellectual ploy
opening mine mien,
whether unknown reader
counts her/himself among Jew or goy
ideally to be witness literary employ
and earn an income oh boy
netting gold anchor ahoy.

Rational wordsmith asks himself why
he habitually answers
in his poetic way per responding
posting defies conforming
to the established formality,
yet nonetheless asks
**** sitter a shun sans my reply
ideally couched
with an affirmative decision
no less than
twenty thumbs up well nigh
to be extended,

and offered a hand
for me to join this outfit
as another common
Jimmy Neutron to help ward off lions,
tigers and bears oh my
powder milk chomping
Joe Schmoe type noir guy
essentially a human combination fly,
whose nom de plume as newborn cry
himself to sleep baby
nearly exhausted dry tear ducts,
the muttering bard of Perkiomen Valley
sometimes used as ruff lee an alley bye.

from: Matthew Scott Harris,
who might find himself booted,
knowingly, longingly, and magically
transported to Paris.
Gnome hatter heroic measures taken
moost ludicrously asinine,
nonetheless hoop fully
me legendary penta meat herd bovine design

of modest fellow (me) will endure as divine,
no matter not one ****** poetic line
pertains to original (above crafted)
storied title of mine
completely buried under

thick pronouns hubble verbiage,
I honestly profess opine
precious time frittered away
resultant effort feeble and lame

no matter best college try
with top notch smartest swine,
but... belabored effort
got hogtied and shriveled on metaphorical vine.

Molded analogous to an oh my word
leaning tower of Pisa vase -
brandished (think) by humongous sword
fair complexioned blonde haired aery hen Nord

slapped with two lofty titles
(scapegoat and dunce),
whereby classmates ignored
insecure (missing mommy dearest)
as though linkedin courtesy umbilical cord.

Methinks, cuz me belly button
an innie versus outie
(former and latter both actual medical term),
a stretch, but nevertheless
with active imagination (mine)
doth envision coveted navel as

symbiosis for thee
parasitic Alaskan bull worm,
which notion might suddenly
captcha your attention,
and find thee to squirm.

Anyway aforementioned gobbledygook
attempting to describe theoretical
quantum physics incorporating parasitism
(yea kinda regarding figurative
Trojan Horse that snuck
into inchoate being eventually took

over in utero corporeal
essence Matthew Scott Harris) hook
line and sinker now necessitates sudden look
ever since more'n lint accumulated
within above mention round
little circular cranny and nook.

Yes... moost likely correlation exists
during course of nine month home,
when placenta didst
buzzfeed embryonic fetus
one need apply figurative fine tooth comb
straining poetic credulity
in an effort license to flesh out silly poem.

Which original intent hours gone by
meant to sketch out
(for rhyme without reason)
how yours truly nearly
got held back and waylaid
inclusive K-12 and

every single intervening grade
a curse 'cept for sixth year o primary school,
with student teacher Miss Rainbow,
she did not upbraid,
yet perhaps now she metamorphosed
becoming fossilized stodgy and staid

unlikely our paths will ever cross,
while both of us unwittingly
march to our own drummer
nsync with inexplicable
circadian rhythms obeyed

here (unbeknownst why)
palms perspire profusely
while sequestered at 2 Highland Manor Drive
hermetically sealed within apartment b44
one of many properties owned
by Grosse and Quade.
Aye dream of Genie (as a Lad din)
     Schwenksville, Pennsylvania -
     keystone state abbreviated as Pea Yay,
this stupid non huge poem
     really...a boot nuttin
     butta an overrated allay
zee good for nothing, bay

     sic ****** slob, bray
zing as a ("FAKE") pence heave
     trumpeting (Don Key Oat Tee),
     chutzpah twittering Prez, -
     whom stoop “To **** a Mockingbird”
activate hocus pocus “Go Set NRA
as a Watchman,” yepper, hip pip hooray,
whose **** sitters un mensch hen

     nib bill, one important,
     non binding ***** nilly play
book title, sans how to acquire,
     tousled windswept coiffed soufflé
rooted under sworn confidential heady
testimony (top secret only known
     between POTUS, FLOTUS,
     and hairstylist Tiffany Kaljic)

     helped grow "The Art Of The De..." lay
sham (poo poo) headline kept under ray
dar only "How To Get Ri." Dove lousy
tonsuring service, and how easy
to get Head & Shoulders above fray
dee cats - me owing over petty files

     versus joining gray
vee train via tracking
     "FAKE" ***** footing
     faux Trump wannabes, hence ICE hay
Immediately railroad competition
     viz, against ISIS speck did
Amazon tubby a root cause
thus resorting to

     "Midas Touch: Why...Ent...er
risk to get scalped, when,
     (though periwig poor
     hirsute substitute), I belay
burr the point far y'all
     (get a Fred – Roger over) to hoist
     by one's own petard oye vey,
while channeling das directv gray

gore re: haired (50 shades), and
     direct descendent from Kublai
Khan, a moost deplorable display
     yellowish, venomous, serpent,
     which poisonous scorpion size prey
with deadly fangs straight
     (tinned by orthodontists),
    a perfect set pearl whites in an array

as daggers hissed ("FAKE")
     snaky intergenerational viper, and
     true tomb ice elf flave
     heard like a pampered baby
(nick named Keebler Khan)
     unthinkable alternative
     (forever shunned near and faraway)
if this poetaster doth betray

his (my) devote followers, no matter
     admirably, dutifully, and gracefully
     fulfilling role as sommelier
     replenishing wine goblets
     with vintage chardonnay,
nonetheless reprimanding recalcitrants,
     who opt to breakaway
slamming, shaming, and scathing

     rants against brand name
     Matthew Scott Harris
     finds himself a castaway,
     thus unsure, how to write without delay
An insipid poem to pay
(overtime) homage about Labor Day
prepping mental gears
     glommed together like clay

while cruising at mock speed
     faster then (Tom Hawk)
     along the (Al Gore) rhythm information
     super highway expressway
axe chilly (sh...dont tell a soul
     lest I club burr you -
     ha juiced tees zing),

     yours truly intends
     to play umpteen (close
     to a bajillion) rounds of golf
     on the Harris fairway
Lest a Tony (nay)
boar hood tiger jumps
     out of the woods painfully sinking

sharp teeth into mine flesh for play
     jour quickly making mince
     meat then fillet
mignon before (prestidigitation
     i.e.presto) magically
     regurgitating my self fully intact
     as repurposed slimy trumpeting popinjay.
Decades since frittering like - yule
ne'er believe me, boot true
lee, I wreck clues lee wasted
     my life lock, stock, and barrel
     as if there **** no tomorrow,
     this skein knee boy didst spool
away youth like some drool
ling doggone motley fool

     while mutely dumbfounded taking -
     as undeclared seriously gruel
ling studious favorite pursuit - duel
major space and time, believing
     them tubby (out
     of this world), and cool,
yet unbeknownst tummy then
     more precious than any jewel,

hence this faux Einstein,
     who got pool
lightly dubbed"the quietest
     student", albeit still
     underhandedly cuffed and cruel
moniker, nonetheless wool
worth being spot on,
     though when within comfort

     of home aye
     yak act did mule
lush, non provoke'n, neither tool
ling with smoke'n,
     funny ****, but more specifically
     class (sic) self serving
     as token passive non rule
breaker counted among

     mysterious as Lemuel
     unlike hundreds of
     other rowdy seniors
     constituting the nineteen
     seventy seven graduating class
     of Methacton High School,
this now mooch older non "Warrior"
     (alma mater mascot) alumni -

     of late more astute,
(yea rather boyish looking edging
     into age bracket,
     viz ranked as ole coot)
far to late for
     me or any brute
to gather rose buds,
     fat and/or slim

     chance i.e. remote
     while I may in my dreams
     play Mozart's Magic flute
     at this late stage of life,
     no harvested crop yield,
     nor any sown
     healthy product rendered moot
('cept tantamount to rotten

     tomatoes and fruit)
all, cuz your truly
     did not give a hoot
'bout his future,
     later when the
     requisite need for loot
would be absolutely necessary,
     not necessarily to buy

     a fine gold spun suit,
but more so to be financially
(non bombastically, egotistically,
     nor inimitably) to toot
my own (baritone)
     horn, no any which
     ways appearing snoot
**** (more likely absent minded,

     versus trying tubby astute),
no matter this myopic googly eyed
     non-boastful logophile,
     these days (lives duet
tough lee hand to mouth
     existence) nearly destitute
his whole pro Lix life,
     witnessed, and flaunted

     (reed dit as) inked badge,
     (regardless getting promoted,
     but nearly failing every grade),
     and ambivalent toward
     dismal poor performance report cards
     testament toward tummy
     severely lacking ambition,
     while analogously forced

     to climb hemp fat tick rungs
     jute dish shuss academic ladder,
     no matter rope burns
     squarely didst root
moost unfavorable outcome
     to this wimp who mouthed
     pop eyed expletive
     conveying "oh chute",

     whose then palm (olive)
     oiled pilot size glute
more accurately boot
found me poor *** promoted
     to higher baby boomer chair

     despite favorably portentous signs
     tubby potential vagrant,
     who would lack self reliance,
    nor give a hoot
to stitch survivalist parachute.
(alternate title – the grudge holder from one generation to the next for all intents and purposes remains the same, and thus interestingly enough, they can easily be a pinch hitter for man, woman, and/or child feeling resentment since dawn (or eventual dusk) of civilization and dominant species experiences discontents.

Hotmail outlook grim, viz beholding
     warp and woof reconciliation,  
     at social gatherings time and agin
mass elf listened to threnody
     inducing dot bin
reiterated within earshot,
     when this then mortal mwm
     clocked LVIII Earthlinked

     round the sun, while he
     tugged hairs on
     his chinny chin chin
now clearly informs thyself,
     how genealogical
     weave incorporating din
gee, holey, bunched
     gaps rendering incomplete

      thine quilted worm,
     and moth eaten
     delicate webbed weave  
     thread bare fabric
     evinces absent majority descendents,
     not more'n two generations past
equally substantially rotten produce
     junction bore inquisitiveness

     upon approaching mine
     middle adult existence
     details known istenig to WXPN  
I **** a boot
     thirteen (NOT shoesize),
     benchmarked with virulent yen
twittering, snapchatting, instagramming
Bugaboo gainsaid, infiltrated subUrban

bedroom and kindled pinterest the
reddit lee making me
     an outcast with Penny
Sylph Vanya (amidst prickly
     Poker Flats of
     Lake Woebegone), when
trumpet call to
     ***** an invisible

     omnipotent fence still
     did not obstruct hearty ten
to cros the Rio Grande
     among strong men
many sharing first name Sven
purportedly related moost every one
     placed when newborn among
     one of many scattered orphan

(deliberate poisoned, sans scorpian
     subsequently kid
     napped by vested gentry,
     who shared microscopic strands
     plus CRISPR DNA
     compliments of Ken
and Barbie, nonetheless forced
     as stoop labor for

     Skull and Crossbones alumni)
passed along ancestral line when
**** sure rooster spent
     however long with a hen
     guaranteed supply grunt workers    
oxymorons helpless to get even.
“Bosses” male ordure
     trained as prospective

     male pecking wives,
     who with Robbie
     didst rig the game to win
endemic nepotism deeply entwined
     from one to the next kith and/or kin,
rode shotgun, viz nemesis
     resorting to: “silent treatment”
against protesting lumpenproletariat

     boot gnome hatch
     against hardy thrive
     off crene della creme limn
back before thyme
     bred from for
     gotten slight, min
us school Kudzu, gone

     now and agin
gastronomically ferociously carniverous
     selected and enveloped
     postal stamping brutes
     rampant suffocating nin
come poops figurative
     thorn in side of aristocracy
     heavy-duty industrial strength

     pesky original pin
sir blithely festered,
     nursed, and stewed
     from unforgotten
     perceived or actual slight
engendering infinite yawning voids
     defying aid of Patch Adams
     or Doctor Quinn.
Atheistic beneficent credo,
dogmatically evokes fundamental
gnostic humanistic invocations,
joyously kickstarting literary

métier, native oeuvre
pulsating quintessentially,
rudimentary schema
traversing utilitarian vectors,
winsomely xing yore zen.
*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *    
     boastfulness, haughtiness, pomposity....,
     nor beg for any red cent
though methinks housing,
     donning, adopting...,
     a mephistophelian air proffers
     more beneficial cree dent
     shills, especially when combined
     with healthy dose

     of chutzpah fosters invincible
     unprincipled dogmatic elan,
     finessing, gilding,
     and honing event
chew wool machiavellian
     braggadocio with fervent
sea, sans this generic,
     kinetic, and laconic (ha)

     of Lix orbitz (around
     sun) dry gent,
who downplays his aptitude,
     cerebral enlightenment,
     and native intelligent
potential, cuz humility more
     appealing to me,
     asper applicably analogous

     with demeanor of Clark Kent
than (say...) disreputable, horrible,
     and lamentable disposition
     blatantly evinced
     by mal level lent
quasi metaphorical pyromaniac
     igniting proxy wars meant
to dispel any shadow of a doubt,

     that trumpeting self righteous
     privileged machismo coven nant
only allows, enables, and
     strictly provides access of
     materialistic trappings
     (such as opulent
metaphorical arena i.e. on par
     with Mar-a-Lago Club pent

house suite), and vamoose
     with dirt poor dill link quint
     (viz Matthew Scott Harris),
     he hook can barely pay rent
(true not "FAKE"), where moost
     of his measly money spent
(albeit on the bare necessities,
     which social security

     disability allowance
     (monthly) support, may force him,
     and the missus
     out in the cold
     shivering in a tent,
or he may forego
     surviving (like Euell Gibbons)
     on wild roots, bark,

     berries...(shelving) camping,
     and scout out
     a prime heating vent
most like in the
     city of brotherly love
     after poverty doth reign
     nasty, short and brutish

     suffocatingly crush,
     extinguish flickr of hope,  
     and flush away optimism
     every fibre of mine existence
     from within this decrepit body
     life source runneth went.

— The End —